Learning to give up
by Riah P
Summary: AU Marik runs away from home and finds a new, depressing one. His world collides with that of Bakura, a boy living under him. Genres: Adventure, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Drama, Friendship. More or less realistic setting. Rating (currently: T) will go up.
1. Day 01-Part 01: Think don't act

**Day 01 -** _12/23/2015 **  
**_

* * *

 **Part 01**

* * *

My legs are dangling from the edge. I jump. Hit the tiles without falling over or backwards on my butt. Pain makes it's way from my ankles upwards to my thighs and I hiss. I'm on the pediment, the hood roof thingy over the entrance door. Thanks for the architect who designed a balcony over the front door. And thanks Ishizu who let me have the room with it, calculating that the sun would set right in front of my window, allowing me to enjoy more brightness. No thanks for the Christmas decoration on top of the door roof: two long neon wires, one red, one green, hanging over the roof, catching one of my boots in between. I untangle it and jump again.

I have to be quick. Want to catch the train at 9:45pm, enjoy a night out in the city and return before Dad wakes up. Our house is big, but the mornings are terribly silent and once he's awake he hears every single thing going on in it. So if I return too late, he'd hear me come through the door and ground me for at least two weeks.

His reasoning for grounding have been once better, now it seems he just does it because he hasn't done it in a while.

I run down the empty road, just hopping in in time. The train's fuller than I expected it to be. It is Wednesday, middle of the week after all. And my birthday by the way, the 23rd of December. I am sixteen now but I feel like a small child. Being expected to go to sleep at half ten, but sneaking out to wander around in the big city all alone.

I leave the underground and step out into the loud night. I love the smell of cold air, but the sting of it in my lungs feels unpleasant. I walk in a hurry. There is not much snow on the streets yet, just a few ugly mud chunks here and there that quickly crumble away under my boots. This corner of the state is weird, the real snow fall comes usually far after January, leaving the streets in chaos and angry drivers. Before that everybody acts blissfully unaware as if they never experienced winter here before.

Gah, forgot to write to Ishizu. I pull out my smartphone and tap onto the Whatsapp logo, waiting for it to load. Ugh, I forgot my gloves as well. Stupid day.

My eyes glance over the last conversation whether I want it or not, rereading it.

I check when she has been last seen: 9:02 PM. Right after she left the house, after the fight with Dad. Can't blame her for doing that. I text her:  
Marik: _Hey, where are you?_ (10:06 PM)

Not long and she writes back:  
Ishizu: _at the apartment_ (10:11 PM)  
Marik: _Of your boyfriend?_ (10:12 PM)  
Ishizu: _yes_ (10:12 PM)  
Ishizu: _Rishid told you what happened?_ (10:12 PM)  
Marik: Y _es_ (10:12 PM)

She is online, I am online. This is weird. She never mentioned her boyfriend before tonight and I wished I could talk to her face to face.

Marik: _I'm sure he is mad at himself for slapping you_ (10:14 PM)  
Her next message comes right after mine so it is not a response to my last message.  
Ishizu: _I'm sorry I never said anything before_ (10:14 PM)  
She writes more:  
Ishizu: _no Marik don't excuse his actions!_ (10:14 PM)  
Ishizu: _I had enough of this_ (10:14 PM)  
Ishizu: _this is no way one should treat someone he loves!_ (10:14 PM)  
Ishizu: _I am pretty sure I am not pregnant but even if I was it is not an excuse for hitting me in the face and wanting me to have an abortion! this is my body and my decision and he has no say in this!_ (10:14 PM)  
I agree, but what can I say? She is angry and I let her be angry, let her fume and put her anger into words. Maybe after a few days the world will look much more promising and she will come back home.  
Marik: _I am sorry that this happened to you_ (10:15 PM)  
Marik: _But you're not pregnant?_ (10:15 PM)  
Ishizu: _no most likely not. he just overheard us talking and overreacted_ (10:15 PM)  
Ishizu: _as usual_ (10:15 PM)

I feel a bit left out. She has been talking to Rishid in the living room, well, more whispering. But stopping, once I passed them. So I went upstairs, preparing clothes for my night out. Putting on golden jewelry and make-up. I'm a boy by the way. But whatever, I was upstairs, when I heard Dad yelling and Ishizu crying out. I rushed down the stairs and heard the slap. A loud smack, the sound a hand makes when it lands on skin. I stood in the door, watched Ishizu's eyes tearing up, her lips shut tightly, her palm on her cheek. Rishid was just staring, Dad was staring as well, but with more determination on his face. Ishizu left the room, passing me and went upstairs. Later, Rishid explained to me that Ishizu was worried about being pregnant and that Dad wanted her to have an abortion. Later again, Ishizu left the house with a bag but no words of goodbye for us.

My sister and stepbrother have been a bit more closer as of lately. Or so it seems. I'm the youngest child, Ishizu is nineteen and Rishid is already twenty-five. Ten years older than me. No wait, nine years now that I am sixteen. And he's still living with us, mainly because he is the one bringing money home because our father is retired. Not officially, he is too young for that yet but after our Mom died, he had a mayor breakdown, and now he is waiting for the widower's pension. I doubt he'll ever work again. Four more years and he'll get his pension. I sure hope Rishid will leave him then.

I bump into someone, mumble 'sorry' and decide to sit down somewhere to read Ishizu's messages. I find a bench near a playground and take a seat. There is laughter behind me, are there still kids outside? I must admit I have no real idea what normal kids are allowed to do and what not. Being raised by my overprotective Dad, I always had to be home as soon as I got out of school.

Ishizu: _where are you?_ (10:17 PM)  
Ishizu: _went out? ;p_ (10:18 PM)  
Marik: _How'd you know? :o_ (10:19 PM)  
Ishizu: _noticed you painting your eyes_ (10:20 PM)  
Marik: _I'm busted, eh? But yes, I'm in the city_ (10:20 PM)  
Ishizu: _Happy Birthday, Marik! 3_ (10:20 PM)  
Her next message consists of only heart- and flower-emojis. I chuckle. And freeze. The wind is caressing my skin under the hoodie which is a bit short since I accidentally washed it wrong.  
Marik: _Thank you :*_ (10:20 PM)  
Ishizu: _how does it feel to be 16? cx_ (10:20 PM)  
Ishizu: _look into your bag!_ (10:20 PM)  
Ishizu: _good night and don't forget to return home_ (10:20 PM)

The last three messages came in rapidly. She was not expecting a quick reply. My bag? Hah, Sis really knows me too well. I've been carrying the same bag every time I sneak into the city. She knew I would take it with me this time too. It's small enough for my purse and a small bottle of water. Dehydration is important.

I look inside it. There's something squared, wrapped in gift paper. Not Christmas gift paper though, as it is for my birthday and not for Christmas. Pink gift paper with blue stars on it. I grin to myself and unwrap the small thing, expecting it to be a book. It is a notebook, full of empty pages, waiting to be filled. 'Diary' it says in classical letters on the front. I grin more.

This is an inside joke between my sister and me. Years ago, when I was five and she was nine, she was annoyed with me because I couldn't wait until I got into school as well, just like her and Rishid. I was jealous at them, have always been. The curse of the youngest child. Ishizu, a hardworking slave in the school system for four years, mocked me, telling me I'm dumb and that education wasn't as fun as I thought it was. She had bad grades then and twitched every time someone said the word 'school'. Dad laughed at us and asked me why I was so excited for school. I answered 'becoze I wan' to learn w'itin' and reawin' and then I can w'ite in a diary!' This story got repeated several times throughout my life at family gatherings and other meetings, much to my annoyance.  
The good thing is, Rishid actually taught me to read and write in that year, so I was pretty good at it when I entered first class in school.

There's more in my bag, a small, slender object, wrapped in the same colorful gift paper. It's obvious. A pencil. I unwrap it and put both gifts back in my bag, then get my phone.

Marik: _Best. Gift. Ever._ (10:25 PM)  
Marik: _Finally a way to write down every silly and mean thing my big sis has ever done to me!_ (10:25 PM)  
I reread her last messages and add more:  
Marik: _Well, I'm sweet sixteen and in the big big city! Might go clubbing! Yolo! xP_ (10:26 PM)  
Marik: _Nah, I'll return soon I guess_ (10:26 PM)

The ironic epilogue of the little diary story is that I never actually started using one after I entered school. I spend my time doing homework and learning. Reading and writing yes, but for school, not for myself. So this gift isn't such a bad idea after all. I might start using it.

I get it out of my bag and flip through it. Blank pages, no lines. Ishizu knows I like to doodle. I always do it when I use the house telephone. I fish the pencil out and write '12/23/2015' on the top right corner of the first page. Then I ponder about what to write next for a few minutes but give up quickly. Now is not the time.

I notice that Ishizu never said when she will come back home and I wonder if she done it on purpose or simply forgot. I wonder who her boyfriend is, how he looks like and so on. We aren't as close as we used to, but then again we're boy and girl and I guess there is girls stuff that never reaches boys.

* * *

It's getting darker, or maybe it just feels like it does. I get up and continue walking, zipping up my jacket. I should pass the cinema, there may be the new program for the next month. The cinema is full. Oh, of course. Half price today. It's not the first time I studied the price list but you never remember such things from reading alone. I grab the new program and stare at the movie posters. Can't wait til 'The Forrest' comes out! And '400 Days'! And 'The 5th Wave'! Will watch them all on my laptop late at night in the darkness, pretending to be here. I walk away, wondering if cinema's are actually loud inside too. Do people talk much while watching a movie?

I walk until I get exhausted, then rest on a bench again. I check Tumblr, scrolling through my dash until I see something worth reblogable. I don't have much followers but I don't care. I made a few friends here, one is even living nearby. 'JadenSomething'. We started writing messages and discovered that we're living practically door to door. He is actually living in this city. We never met though because he has weird working hours and I am not allowed to set foot outside.

Jaden wrote me a new message. I reply, then post one of my genius thoughts as text post.

I start to feel cold again so I continue walking. I go back now, I feel bad about leaving the house tonight, with Ishizu gone and my Dad surely sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his hands, being completely silent. I feel my phone buzz, a new message from Ishizu? I'll check on the train. What time is it? I get my phone and - Oh, the message is from Rishid.

Rishid: _Come back home._ (10:55 PM)

Rishid and I never had much in common. Having ten years of age difference between us, we grew up almost solitary from one another. When I was five, dreaming about school, he was fifteen, a rebellious teen - as much rebellious as you could get in this household anyways. When I was ten, beginning to get annoyed at adults and wanting to be a teenager, he was twenty, just leaving the adventurous world of teenage hormones and starting to take responsibility. He was always two steps ahead of me and Ishizu one.  
I felt like I had to constantly live up to them - no, be better than them. I was always the third one to do or be or try, things that were new and exciting to me, were old-school to them. That, and the fact that I am the reason our Mom died. I can never make up for this.

Now, I'm fift- sixteen, sorry, and feel... so much. Yeah, that's hormones as they taught us in biology class but for the first time I feel like I am someone. I want to do so much, explore and meet people, I want to go outside and hang out with friends, try on clothes in expensive shops and... I don't know, well, I... I want to kiss another boy.

Yeah, I'm gay.

I do have this girlfriend at school but only because she asked. I'm pretty popular with girls but then again I'm not.  
At first, the girl is interested in me, some just establish eye contact and are too shy to talk to me, so they talk about me. Some are brave enough to come directly to me. But soon enough both kind of girls find out through others that I never hang out after school because my Dad doesn't allow it. Every single time the new girl, if she is one of the brave ones, will come to me and ask me why my Dad is so strict. An if he cannot let me go out for 'juuuuust one night!' or 'juuust for _me_!'

I get, do you get it? They want to 'save' me. First they see my six pack and assume I am strong and independent, then they learn I am vulnerable and caged. I am what a book writer would call a 'round' character. Strong, yet tragic. Doomed by fate, but still fighting.

But I never liked their promising eyes or their half-smiles. It's a good thing I easily get addicted when they grin and smile back automatically without meaning it. I kissed three girls by now. Tracy at the Christmas party in school, that blonde exchange girl from Germany - but then again, she kissed like every guy in my class; and well, my girlfriend. Sarah. I'd say that's a pretty high score for a guy who never gets out. And is gay.

Sarah is pretty, her eyes are big, her hair is black and she is popular with the guys. I guess we look good as a pair. Some guy stole her sports bra after P.E. and I demanded it back. The guy seemed intimidated by me, they all seem to. It's easy when you're muscular and no one really knows what you're like. I hate that. I don't really have a group I belong too. I just hang out with Yuugi, because he is an outsider, like me. A Japanese boy with bad grades, but strict parents as well. Always gets bullied. I protect him a bit by being in his presence. No one beats him up when I'm around.

I gave the bra back to Sarah in the girl's locker. She put on that smile on her face and kissed me. The room was empty and we started making out, touching tongues. I could pretend she was a guy until she started to moan. She grabbed my hand and slid it under her skirt and panties. I stepped back and stared at her. She stared back. Then I left the room and we never spoke of that.

After that incident rumors start spreading around that she was seeing other guys. She started to hang around with Micah and his friends. We still kissed every morning and after school, but she grew distant. We haven't kissed deeply again yet. I am not sure what she thinks but I don't really care. I wanna kiss a guy and not her. I don't even know why I'm with her.

It is past eleven and I'm almost at the train station. Rishid writes again.

Rishid: _Marik, he knows you're out._ (11:09 PM)

Wait, what. I freeze in my step.

Rishid: _I tried to talk to him. You know he talks after a fight. but then he wanted to talk to you too and burst into your room before I coud stop him_ (11:09 PM)  
Rishid: _He's angry._ (11:10 PM)  
Rishid: _I told him you just went outside for a walk around the neighborhood._ (11:10 PM)  
Rishid: _Come home as soon as you can._ (11:10 PM)

Ffff... That had to happen some day. But why today? He's already mad enough because of Ishizu. Normally, we kind of take turns with 'bad news' so he won't outrage too much. Leave a few days pass before the next thing happens.

I don't really want to go home now. But I should.

Dad's angry.

* * *

It's weird how many things a person does on auto-run. For example, I never remember how I get dressed up and go to school, I just suddenly stand at the bus station and later I am inside the school building. After a while your brain doesn't bother you to ask what to do next because you have already done it a hundred times. You don't think anymore, you just act.  
Same with my Dad. He is angry because I am outside, so I return home.

The train needs around fifteen minutes from here to my home station. The next one comes in four minutes! Rishid is clever, he surely didn't tell Dad that he messaged me already, he is talking to him now and waits until I tell him I arrived at our station. This way I can pretend to come home right after he 'messaged' me, thus proving that I wasn't far away. We prepared for this situation.

I stop staring at my phone and put it in my jacket's pocket. It starts ringing, someone is calling me. Dammit. I'm not in the mood to talk, I have to catch the train. I continue walking, I'm almost at the train station. I look at the display and freeze again, right before the first step to the stairs that lead me underground. The street is suddenly so silent that for a second I think I am already back standing on our suburb avenue.

Dad is calling me. He _never_ calls me.

Again, I stare, then I pick up. Or slide up. Really, phone's have changed, language should too. I make a mental note of posting this thought onto Tumblr later. I hold the phone to my ear and gulp. "Dad?" My voice betrays me by trembling.

"Come back, Marik. You _die_ there outside!" He is too loud, too fearsome.

I let out a short laugh. "It's not that cold, Dad. I'm just around the corner. I'm-"

He interrupts me. "Not because of the cold, Marik! Bad people are outside at this hour! You're too small, too weak, you need to be here with me!"

Our voices are a mirror of one another, making me drop my laugh. How I hate it to be so similar to him. What am I afraid of? Yeah, he'll ground me, it's too late now anyways to change anything about that. I am done with being afraid. Ishizu is right. It's enough. He needs to get us off his leash!

Down, behind the steps, the train arrives. I hear the sound, its stopping in its brakes, the doors opening, people pouring out. "Dad, " I say slowly. "I'm home soon. You are overreacting-" I take the first step downstairs but come to a halt as he interrupts me.

"I am not overreacting! You children need me! Come back home this instant or you're grounded for a year!" He hangs off. I am not moving.

I stare at my feet, hear the people coming closer and closer. A man passes me from behind and vanishes downstairs, holding his scarf close to his neck. Then the mass of men, women and children appear below me, dissolve from the shadows and stream upstairs and separate before me. Some brush me, being annoyed at me for standing in their way. Their sound and smell surrounds me and I feel awake.

Enough auto-run. _Think_ , don't act.

I frown and put the phone back into my pocket. Turning around, I find myself in the middle of a group, feeling participating at life. Someone has coffee in a steaming cup, another person starts jogging with his dog besides him. The group quickly splits up, everybody is heading into a different direction and I am going back into the middle of the city.

The streets are still full. I am smiling. I stop and post my superb thought about language and phones on Tumblr, noticing a new message from Jaden. I feel reality hitting me. What am I actually planning to do now? All I know is that I _don't_ want to go home.

* * *

 **A/N: Rewrote and separated the first chapter. So this is part one of the first day. It's still a big chunk to read I guess.  
**

 **Since this is an (more or less realistic) AU, Marik does not have scars on his back. I also changed Akefia's eyes from being purple to being blue. I left them having white hair because it is an important trait of them. There might be more details I will change, but so far I think this is as close I can get to Marik in this setting.**


	2. Day 01-Part 02: Bakura

**Day 01** \- _12/23/2015 **  
**_

* * *

 **Part 02**

* * *

Let's talk about Jaden.

Jaden is a street kid. He doesn't know his own last name, hence his Tumblr name: Jaden _Something_. We talked a lot about his past and my past, both being equivalently interested in the others so much different life. For me his life sounds like an adventure, for him it meant sleeping in trash bags and eating leftovers of other people. My life insists of being either enclosed at school or home doing nothing but homework while he dreams of having a family, a big house and education.  
We're from different worlds, but we have a solid agreement on important things in life. That's what counts.

He is better now, having found that job in a strip club although he is only sixteen. I asked once how he managed to do that, but he never answered the question. I guess the message got lost on Tumblr; it happens sometimes. He isn't stripping though, no, he is 'the boy for everything'. That means he's mopping up the floor or repairing the toilets or buying cigarettes for the girls who are working there. He told me that the kiosk guy loves him as he is coming by almost every day, buying up to ten packs of cigarettes at once.

I sit down on a bench once more, typing up a response to Jaden. Our messages are short as of late, the long nights of writing back and forth are over. A thought forms up inside me: Could I stay a night over at his place?

I am not sure where he lives, I remember him saying it was close to the club. The thought of meeting him in real life makes me anxious but at the same time warm. He posted a pic of him once on Tumblr but deleted it shortly afterwards. I am not sure if anyone besides me has ever seen it. He's a cute guy. But I have no idea if he's gay. Probably not.

I'll risk it. I hit enter to make a new paragraph for my question: ' _Hey, I know this comes super suddenly, but could I stay at your place for one night?_ ' I hit send and get up.

What was the name of the club again? Something with snake. The Dark Snake? Or The Black Snake? Either way, I know where it is, I googled it once. I never went into that corner of the city, it's near the central station, in the bad quarter. Dad warned me about it. I frown and walk faster. Stupid thought. Just because Dad said it was 'bad' it doesn't mean it is.

Now and then I refresh my Tumblr, waiting for a reply from Jaden. He's still working, but it must be a slow night, because he had time to answer before 2 am, the time when he's done. Chances are, he will answer again soon.

Someone's texting me via Whatsapp, it's Ishizu.

Ishizu: _Rishid told me_ (11:21 PM)  
Ishizu: _where are you? you're going home?_ (11:21 PM)

She hasn't responded to my messages but this now is more urgent.

Marik: _No, I am not._ (11:22 PM)

I don't add more, leaving it to take effect like it is. How will Ishizu react? She ran away from home just a few hours ago; will she now advise me to do the opposite?

Ishizu: _good_ (11:23 PM)

I grin. This is why I feel closer to her than to Rishid.

She writes more, I feel the vibration in my pocket but decide to walk a bit more. The central station must be here somewhere. I stop a woman and ask her, she points to one direction. There are still a lot of people busy despite most of the stores being closed. I pass a liquor store with a buzzing 24/7 sign and wide open doors with a large group of guys inside.

My phone vibrates more. I stop and take a look.

Rishid: _Where are you now?_ (11:31 PM)

Dammit.

Marik: _I am not coming home tonight. Sorry, Rishid_ (11:31 PM)

Two of three kids out the house at the same time. I can't remember this happening before, except for vacations or similar. Even then, we were together with Dad all the time. Only once, Ishizu was allowed to sleep over at a girls house but it was embarrassing because Dad called her like every hour. I check my chat with Ishizu.

Ishizu: _hope he'll freak out tonight, then clear up and realize we're right!_ (11:23 PM)  
Ishizu: _Seto's home, he's heading to bed_ (11:25 PM)  
Ishizu: _but I'm still writing_ (11:25 PM)  
Ishizu: _not going to sleep until you found somewhere you can sleep_ (11:25 PM)  
Ishizu: _please don't go clubbing all night. better get some rest if you can_ (11:25 PM)  
Ishizu: _or do whatever the heck you want, I'm not Dad!_ (11:26 PM)

I laugh. Meanwhile Rishid texted me back but I'm answering Ishizu first.

Marik: _Seto is his name eh? Long, tall and handsome? :P_ (11:33 PM)  
Marik: _I'm staying at a friend you know the one_ (11:33 PM)  
Marik: _Jaden_ (11:33 PM)  
Marik: _just want to scare Dad off, I'll be back in the morning I guess_ (11:33 PM)

I have no idea if Jaden can take me but I don't want to worry her. I switch over to the chat with Rishid:

Rishid: _He's mad._ (11:33 PM)

Awesome. See? Ishizu gets me. And I don't get Rishid. Not sure if I ever got him.

Marik: _He is always mad._ (11:34 PM)

I finally get moving again. The temperature has dropped. I am fine for now but the question is for how long. I could get through the night I think. I wouldn't go clubbing - not that anyone would let me in a nightclub with my sweet sixteen years - but could walk like this forever. I love walking. And running. Comes as natural to me like flying to a caged bird.

There's a strange group of people on an open plaza. Lots of them are sitting on the ground, some are walking strangely. It reminds me of zombie movies, to be honest. Slow movements and filthy clothes. People who have to get through them avoid as much contact as they can. Drug junkies, that's who those zombies are. Some are begging when people pass them, but most are just occupied with themselves.

Behind that plaza there's a busy street and right behind that is the central station with the big clock on top. Quarter to midnight.

Alright, I'm in the right district of the city. Let's check if Jaden wrote.

He did! ' _Just for one night, ain't? that should be possible. you know the adress?_ '  
After that he continued our normal conversation.

Yes! I can stay. I'm thrilled! It's the first time for me to be at somebody else's place over night. In addition, at somebody as cool as Jaden. Plus, in the dangerous part of the town. Plus, I get to teach Dad a lesson! Make him understand that I don't need him. That I am grown up. That he cannot keep me locked up forever.

I write back, Jaden answers quickly. We drop our main conversation stream and concentrate on getting me to him. The club's name is 'The _White_ Snake' and it should be just around the corner. Jaden doesn't come off as surprised in his messages nor does he ask why I need a place to sleep. I pass the zombies on the plaza and try the next street. I don't dare to ask anyone. Everybody seems to be either very guarded or a drug addict.

* * *

When I finally see The White Snake I'm a bit - shocked is a too strong word. I'm amazed, I guess. The whole long street is just an accumulation of strip clubs and bars. Lots of people outside, many of them drunk, many laughing or fighting. The neon signs are all flickering with the same message, music is streaming from every club, the air smells thick.

I cross the road, following the neon sign of the bar. The big letters change colors while the snake above them stays white. Its tongue flashes on and off, trying to create the illusion of hissing. The building is thicker on the first floor. The four levels above look plain in contrast to the first. The last level is the smallest.

Two guards stand before red wide curtains, two big men dressed in dark clothing. One is talking while the other smokes a cigarette and listens. Uh, I don't believe they will let me in. You need to be either eighteen or twenty-one to get in, I guess. I walk past the entrance, checking messages. The club is right at the corner of the street, connected to a silent crossing. There are people on those streets too, but since it seems to be a residential neighborhood, it is much quieter.

' _yeah, just walk behind the club to the backyard. I get you_ ' Jaden writes.

Behind it? I turn into the street. As I walk along the wall I see a small passage between the buildings, which brings me the weird sight of two half-naked women sitting on plastic chairs and smoking next to an open door. One has long black hair, the other short and brown. Both wear long, unbuttoned coats over their thongs and bras. Above them, a hard light is flickering. Next to them is the fire escape, strangely it is flipped open so you can access it from the ground.  
The yard is not big, it barely contains space for the three cars crammed together on the parking spots. The women don't seem to notice me and eagerly suck on their death stumps. I still don't dare to get too close so I just linger around and message Jaden:

' _I'm there. get me puhleeeze!_ '

He doesn't answer. He might be on his way. Hopefully.  
Suddenly I remember that I haven't ever met him face to face and get nervous. Dammit, he was good-looking on that pic, wasn't he? Dark hair, slim body, cute smile.

Just as I start visualize what he will say and what I should answer - the most common daydreaming topic in my life: planning for conversations that will either never happen or never happen in that way I imagined them - he steps out. He's dressed in jeans too big for him and a plain grey shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, hands and eyes on his smartphone. A smile appears on his lips, then he looks up.

He grins, I grin back. I can't help it as usual, but this time it is sincere. His pace increases as he comes towards me. We lock eyes, he puts his phone away and lifts one arm. "Marik!" he greets me as our bodies touch in a hug. "Nice to meet you." His voice is deeper than I imagined.

"Nice to meet you too, Jaden," I answer, putting one arm around him as well. Just as the bro etiquette requires, we pat each other's backs for a few times, then pull away.

"Thanks for letting me stay." I'm still smiling.

"No problem, friend." Brown, untamed hair over dark eyes and that cute smile. He looks just like on that picture, if not better. My heart is beating faster but I try not to let it show.

He turns and gesticulates me to follow. "I have to work til 2 am and now I took a small break, so I don't have much time but I'll show you where you can sleep."

"Thanks Jaden," I reply, feeling a burden fall from my heart. I didn't notice it was there until it was gone. That weight of worries that is hidden somewhere inside your chest, to which only heavy sighs can bring temporary relief.

We pass the two women who throw curious glances at us. I deliberately say women, not girls. Here outside under the unfavorable light, which throws long shadows on every wrinkle, the women look old. They aren't older than my brother though, but they are clearly not girls anymore. The short haired woman nods at Jaden and flicks her cigarette to the ground. "Have a friend, Jaden?" she asks with a playful tone in her voice.

Jaden chuckles as response, then pushes me through the entrance. I catch a glance at the other woman, the long haired one; she is thin, underweight even. I shudder inwardly as I notice her collar bone standing out so prominently.

Inside, various smells welcome me. I had not taken notice of the cigarette smell outside, but now I do. There is more; sweet perfume, sweat, food and a few more. Muffled music comes through from another room. The light is hitting me hard from above, it is brighter inside here than daylight. A long mirror with more lights above it shows my reflection blinking at myself. There's a big table with Chinese food boxes on it and there is a coat stand with stripper clothes. A lot of them. And a lot of them more inside opened locker boxes and on chairs and a few on the shelf before the mirror.  
You know how strip club dressing rooms look in movies, right? They always have red wallpapered walls and a red carpet. This one has an ugly color. I'd call it puke #12. The floor does have a carpet though. A nice, dark blue one. One foot before the mirror it stops for wooden boards.  
A girl sits in front of the mirror, brushing her hair. She glances at Jaden, then at me. She clearly does not mind me seeing her naked breasts, nipples pointing towards us. Why would she, it's her job to show strangers her body. But I am taken aback. Even though her body is not the target of my sexuality, it is still a naked body and I can't help but to stare at her.

"Come, this way." Jaden tugs at my jacket. I really like his voice.

"Who's that?" the girl asks.

"Pshh, we were never here!" Jaden winks at her and she smiles.

We leave the room through a different door. The smell and lighting change rapidly. It's dark and the stink of cigarettes is gone. Perfume and sweat still linger here though. Five doors numbered from one to five are on the other side of the room, accompanied by dim lighting. Above them a metal sign, 'private rooms' written on it in a cursive font. I can barely read it. On the left side are two heavy, red curtains. I cannot distinguish anything through the small slit between them. On the right side there are stairs and Jaden is heading towards them. I follow him.

"Thank you so much," I say, as we climb upstairs.

"Is fine," he laughs and I notice the accent. Instead of saying 'it's fine' as it would be grammatically correct, he talks like a stereotypical black guy - which he isn't, obviously. Am I racist? Maybe it's the environment that makes him talk like that.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

I stare at his butt. "I'm fine," I say absentmindedly, then correct myself. "I mean, as far as the situation goes."

"And the situation would be...?" He stretches the last word.

"Running away from home," I say. The next second I regret saying it. But actually, it's not the words that feel wrong in the presence of Jaden. It's the act of running away from home itself. Just thinking about it while looking at him makes me feel ill.

Jaden looks over his shoulder, halting his next step for a moment. "Oh." We reach the second floor and Jaden continues going up to the third floor. Is this where he lives? Above the strip club? "Why would you do that? What happened?" he asks.

Yeah, why did I do that actually? It seems pointless now. In six hours I will have to get up again and go home. Nothing will have changed. I feel stupid.  
I'm glad that my real life meeting with Jaden went that well. You never know how it will turn out. You can be best friends with someone over a chat, but awkward once you see them for real. But with him, it all seems easy. He really is a cool guy.

That's why I feel that I can be honest with him, without putting to much thought into my sentences before I sound them out. So I just start to explain him what happened from start to finish: My sister's alleged pregnancy. Dad, yelling and slapping her. Her, running away from home to her boyfriend. Me, being outside for a few hours but getting busted. My father calling me. Rishid not understanding me or Ishizu.

After I finish, I feel even more stupid. Compared to Jaden's life, those are first world problems. Yeah, it's not fair that Dad doesn't let us out much. But there's no need in running away from your family because of that. Dad isn't all that bad. He can be the most wonderful father most of the times. Unless we don't agree with him. But that how it's in all families, right? You fight and you forgive.

We reached the top floor. The walls have the same pukey color here. But it smells clean, because all the windows are open.

Jaden pulls out a key ring out of his pockets and opens the only door in the chilly hall. It is dark inside, but I can see a lot of boxes, trash bags, lamps, dead neon signs, tables and chairs all cramped together in the room. Jaden doesn't take the effort to lighten up the room but walks through the mess to another door, locking it up with a different key. He hasn't said a word yet to my story and I fear that this is were our worlds collide.  
How can I dare to talk about running away from an almost perfect home, while he had to fight his way out of the streets since his mom practically dumped him in the trash when he was twelve? He had been in foster care then, he told me once. The first family was alright, but never really cared for him and left him by himself. He was taken to a second one then, and then to a third one. The third one was a family of drug addicts. He ran away from them, if I recall right and stayed out of the focus of foster care ever since.

Jaden pushes the door open and we go inside. "So you'll stay for just one night, right?" He is smiling again, putting up a friendly face for me. I wonder what his true feelings about me are now.

His room is small. And cold. The window is not open, but the room is just as cold as the hall outside. There's not much to see here; there's a bed on one side of the wall, reaching up to the middle of the room, a bookshelf, a desk and a chair, a big box with clothes in it and a carpet. Dark blue, just like the one down in the dressing room of the girls. Brown curtains, right and left of the window. A washbasin in the corner. Several posters of comic book characters and movies hang on the wall above his bed.  
I keep my jacket on and step to the bookshelf. "Yeah. Just that one night." I turn to him. "I'm gone in the morning."

"I'm glad to help," he says, throwing the keys on the bed. I frown. There are several thick blankets on his bed. Is his heater broken?

I turn back to the books. The shelf is bigger than me and there is a decent amount of books and comics in it. They seem to be placed in a logical order. "So, did you start reading Deadpool yet?" I pick a random comic out of the shelf and remember the spot it has been.  
'Deadpool' is a comic character who got his very own movie, coming in February. Jaden is not much into Marvel, but he thought that this character looked like fun and he wanted to get into his comics before watching the movie.

"Hah, no. I always forget about that." Jaden laughs. He takes a seat on his bed and watches me as I turn pages in the Batman comic. "What's the make-up for?" he finally asks, hiding his laugh in a snort.

I put the book away into the right spot and huff. "It's just a bit," I mutter, unsure what to say. He meant the coal around my eyes, not the subtle make up powder, I guess, but guys never know the difference and call all those things 'make-up'. I never wear it on other occasions. Never wear my earrings either. They noticed in school that I have my ears pierced and tease me sometimes for it. But only when I take the train fifteen minutes far away from my home I can be who I am. A little bit gay. A little bit myself.

Once, Jaden caught me writing something about guys on Tumblr. He reblogged it too. But he didn't comment anything homophobic on it, so I guess he hasn't got anything against gays. But you never know. I better just not mention it.

Jaden lets himself fall backwards. "Ugh, I'm so tired. Still need to go out-" he interrupts himself. I turn to him and see a bit of his stomach revealed. Isn't he cold?

"Go outside?" I move to the bed and sit next to him. The posters catch my eyes. It's Harley Quinn, hugging - or rather snuggling Poison Ivy, both barely dressed. The poster next to that is a naked girl from the playboy magazine. Dammit. Jaden is straight. What a disappointment.

"Hm, yeah." He gets up again and grins. "So? What do you think of my little home? Fleek, ain't? Basic too, I guess, but hey I came a long way up here."

"So much fleek, very comfy" I say, feeling the corners of my mouths rising. His smile is super addictive. "Yeah, came up a long way up here to the fifth floor," I add.  
But honestly? His room is super small. Our guest bathroom is bigger! My room is full of stupid things I never use and he barely manages to fill up half his book shelf despite being such a big reader.

He laughs. "Ahh, Marik! I knew we would hit off instantly!"

I grin more. Hit off instantly. Yeah, if only you were gay. "Why is it so cold here though?" I ask.

He shrugs. "Eh, the heater is an asshole sometimes."

"I couldn't sleep in here when it's so cold."

"Ah, I sleep downstairs when it doesn't work."

"Downstairs?"

He sits back down next to me, putting enough space between us, since we're guys and guys aren't allowed to be physically close ever. "Yeah. Akefia let's me sleep in their place."

"Oh, that's nice of him." Why won't he let someone repair the heater tho?

Jaden nods. "I feel lucky, you know. Having a place for myself, having work. I feel super lucky to have met Akefia."

'Akefia' is the owner of the strip club, Jaden has mentioned him sometimes. So he lives in this building too. I still wonder why that guy would let Jaden live and work here. He must be a good guy I guess. Giving a homeless kid a chance. But isn't it illegal tho?

I'm still smiling at Jaden, when he perks up and snaps his fingers. "Alright, Marik. So I need to go back down and you," he gets up, "you can just go to sleep." He steps to the heater behind the bed and turns it on. "Should be warm soon." It begins to rattle quietly. Wait, I thought it was broken?

"And you'll sleep downstairs?" I ask.

He nods. "Just gimme two of those and I'll be fine." He reaches and grabs two blankets, rolling them up on his arm.

"Thanks," I say again, probably for the third or fourth time. But I'm truly thankful.

"Stop it," Jaden grins and moves his hand to a short wave. "Good night, you golden bird thing." He refers to my apparently overly complicated Tumblr URL. It's an inside joke between us.

I grin and roll my eyes. "Good night, Jaden something."

He moves to the door. "I'm gonna be awake at uh, probably nine or ten," he muses, "or rather at eleven."

Oh. I look up.

"When d'you need to go?" he asks.

"Um." I think about it. There's no school tomorrow, thanks to Christmas break. I wanted to get up early so I'd be there before Dad wakes up. Somehow I assume that this will make him less angry. But you know what? I don't care if he gets angrier. I'm gonna take my time. So I nod to Jaden and say: "Yeah, nine or eleven, sounds all fine to me. Just wake me up when you're up."

"Alright, good night." He leaves the room, closing the door behind himself.

"Good night," I mutter, then listen to his steps until I cannot hear them anymore.

* * *

I let myself fall backwards and sigh. There's dust hanging from the ceiling. I can see some on the lamp too. But it's not my room, I have no right to complain. I get up and step to the window. The fire escape reaches up to here and goes even further. But wait, isn't this the last floor? Ah, it goes up to the roof for whatever reason.

The heater has stopped rattling. It is warmer already, after all it is a small room. I turn it down a bit, then undress myself. I wonder if I can borrow some kind of pajamas from Jaden, I'm not someone who likes to sleep half-naked. I leave my jacket, sweater and pants on the chair, my earrings on the table and put my boots next to the door. There's a big hoodie and some oversized jogging pants in the clothing box, which I put on.

I turn the heater down more, turn off the lights, then climb under the remaining five layers of blankets. Jaden does not seem to have the usual thick comforter one would expect to find on every bed in this state, even tho it's freaking December. Then it dawns on me. He probably hasn't had enough money to buy that yet. He has to pay for rent and food and whatnot first then think of buying everything else. I feel like a big baby and hide under the blankets. Tomorrow I'll just return to my secured home with our heated floor in the living room and the ice maker and weather display in our double-door refrigerator in the kitchen while my friend lives with a off-and-on broken heater and a cardboard box for his wardrobe.

I forgot to text Ishizu. But I already told her I was secure. It must be half past twelve, she's surely sleeping already. When I listen closely, I can sense the beat from the music downstairs. The heater isn't as quiet as I assumed, I can hear a weak hissing noise coming from it. Light from outside comes through my window. Right, I'm in the big city. I get up to close the curtains. I watch people and cars still passing by. The neon signs are still blinking in and out of beat with each other. The sky looks grey and sad.

Just as I grab both curtains, right and left, I hear someone walking on the fire escape. The metal clinks and moves slightly. Does the person climb up or down? Surely up, cause who would -

I'm wrong.

He's thin. Immensely bright, long hair hides his brown eyes. The coat is too big. Between his lips, the stump of a cigarette. He stares irritated into my eyes, as if he wasn't expecting someone standing there. Or maybe not me. Yeah right, he surely knows all the neighbors in this building, so he must know Jaden is living alone. He stops at my window, takes the little rest of tobacco and paper out of his mouth and flicks it over the railing, breaking our eye contact. I feel the sudden impulse to wave, because for some reason I don't want him to stop looking at me. I lift my hand and wave awkwardly, but he doesn't seem to have noticed and continues going downstairs much quicker than I would've dared on those shaky steps.

I press my face against the window's glass, trying to see where he's going but I can't. The fire escape has stopped shaking and I cannot hear him anymore either, but maybe that's because he's too far away. Or does he live directly under Jaden? But that's where Akefia lives, I thought. Did he just climbed out of the window to get to the roof to smoke? It seems like everyone here just loves smoking. But why not go downstairs? Ah, the roof is closer. That must be it.

Whatever. It's late. I should sleep. But it's weird, I suddenly feel excited. Stirred up. That guy was hot. He had this... I don't know, _vibe_ around him. I wonder what's the thing with his hair. Did he bleach it? I try to remember if his eyebrows were dark but I barely could see his eyes under that big fringe.

I close the curtains, fish my phone out of my jacket and get under the covers again. Ishizu wrote about an hour ago, wishing me goodnight and expressing her relief that I am safe with a bunch of emojis. I send some text and emojis back, mute my phone then put it next to the pillow and close my eyes.

I have some trouble falling asleep, since I'm in a stranger's bed and room. I miss my clock, the regular ticking sound above me, the feeling of my blanket around my shoulders, the smell of my vanilla candle on my nightstand. I haven't even washed my make-up off my face or brushed my teeth. I guess it's alright for just that one night. Maybe Jaden has a spare toothbrush. I'm gonna ask him tomorrow morning.


	3. Day 01-Part 03: Arrival

**Day 01** \- _12/23/2015_

* * *

 **Part 03**

* * *

Eventually, I must have fallen asleep.

When I wake up, it is still dark. Why am I aw- oh, someone's knocking at the window. I sit up, my tired brain somehow expecting it to be the guy from before, but why would he knock to me, it makes no sense. I slide one curtain to the side. It is Jaden, that makes a bit more sense. He motions me to open the window. His eyes are open wide. I'm tired as hell but something's definitely wrong. Why is he coming this way?

I need a second to figure out how this window opens. It's a horizontal slider window. Cool. I slide up one sash to the side, he climbs inside and slides it back. My head hurts. What time is it?

"Marik," Jaden says, looking around in his room. He's panic-stricken, breathing fast and blinking often. "Marik, you have to go. I have to go." He catches his breath. "Dammit!" He kneels down before the cardboard box and begins to go through his clothes. He gets up and clicks the lamp on his table on, then continues to sort clothes.

The light is too bright for my eyes and for a moment I can't see. "Eh?" I mutter, rubbing my forehead. "What time is it? What happened?" I feel awkward, just standing there.

"I don't have time to explain. You have to-" He stops, glances at me. "You have to get dressed and then get out, I'm sorry, but it's kind of an emergency."

"What?" I stare at him. "Jaden, did I cause you any problems or someth-"

"No, no, you did not," he interrupts me, looking over his shoulder to me. There's something red on the top of his head.

"Jaden, you're bleeding," I say and get down on my knees to examine his head.

"Huh?" he sounds, as I touch his cheeks and pull his head down to take a look at his wound.

"We have to wash it out," I say and grab his arm, getting up and dragging him along.

"Marik, there's no time for this," he mumbles, but lets me pull him to the sink. He is silent as I grab the towel hanging there and wet a corner, squeeze a few drops of water on his wound, then dab it dry. Ishizu used to do this for me, when I got injured while playing outside. I was so happy to tumble around in the fresh smelling grass or the leaves in the fall or the snow in winter. It was a much easier time then. Playing before the house was fine by our Dad, since he could watch us from the windows.

"It doesn't look severe," I say.

"It is not," he agrees and grabs my wrist. "Look, we have to go. Not long and Akefia will be asking for me and then he'll know what must'a happened and-"

"Well, what _did_ happen?" I ask. I was about to ask him for band-aids for his wound but I doubt he'd let me treat him any more.

He goes to his bed and pulls out a sports bag and a sleeping bag from under it. "Alright, I'll tell you."

I put the towel back on the metal rack and follow him. "Well?"

He sighs. "Akefia is using me for his drug deals." He begins to load the bag with clothes. "I'm bringing stuff from harbors to him, from factories to him, stuff from him to dealers, bringing money from the dealers back to him and so on..."

I'm too surprised to say something. "Oh," comes out of my mouth.

"A street kid like me ain't getting a better deal than this. He allowed me to use this room and work here for being a connection to his drug handle stuff. The less he's being seen with the stuff the better." Jaden frantically folds the last sweater and lets it fall into the bag, then hastens to the sink. "And that's fine, I don't mind." He grabs his toothbrush and paste and throws them on the bed. "I'm cautious and discreet, always wait until the street is empty and _then_ I hide the goods." He looks at me.

I just nod. "Alright, and-"

"I don't grab the money or the goods until the street is empty, I don't talk as much as needed to the dealers," he rambles on, rushing to the book shelf. "I haven't ever seen the guy at the harbor!" He looks over his collection, then lets out a heavy sigh. "Not once! I have no idea how he looks like!" he says, turning to me.

"Yeah, well..." I begin, but I'm not sure he hears me.

He throws a few thin comic issues to the bed, then grabs a heavier one plus some CDs or DVDs and puts everything into the bag. He catches the bangs of his hair and stands there, staring into the air. "They must have watched me for a long time," he murmurs, "I was changing my routes often."

"Jaden, what the heck happened?" I blurt out.

"Sorry." He shakes his head. "Get dressed!"

"Alright, but-"

"I'm handling Akefia's drug deals with his dealers and today I was bringing a brick to one of them but I got whacked on the head and when I stood up they were gone with the stuff!" he says, not waiting for me to react. Instead he goes to his desk and throws his phone, a recharger, a small bottle of cola and a folded knife near the bag.

"What." Only then I grasp the situation and begin moving. "Oh," I mutter and get my clothes from the chair.

"I'm fucking sorry for this, but we have to go like right now!"

At a different time I maybe would have minded to get undressed in front of him, but I do not now. Quickly, I get out of his sweater. "What's Akefia gonna say? You're in trouble?"

"Hell yeah, I'm in trouble!" He faces me, then retrieves the sweater out of my hands. "I will have to leave so much here, dammit," he mutters.

"So you're running away?" I step out of the jogging pants. "It's not your fault you got robbed."

"Doesn't matter. Akefia's gonna be pissed cause I made him lose like fifteen k, doesn't matter if it's my fault or not. I let it happen." He grabs the pants and turns away. Common behavior between guys. Just like in the changing room before PE. No one dares to talk too much and if, you never ever look at somebody else. Yet sometimes, one guy will steal someone else's pants or shirt and then a fight emerges. Then it's suddenly okay to watch and laugh.

I put on my old clothes again, even though the sweater doesn't smell fresh anymore. "Can't you talk to him?"

Jaden laughs as he glances at me. "Talk? To Akefia? Fuck no, I already messed up two other things once and he said the third time he'll throw me out. But this time I massively fucked up, I'd be lucky to not end up bleeding in some street corner."

"He'd beat you up?" I gasp and Jaden chuckles at my strong response.

"Yep. Not personally, or maybe - I don't know. So get your ass going!" He motions me to hurry up and tries to zip up his bag, but it's too full so he opens it to take a few things out again.

I'm fully dressed and zip up my jacket. "Where are you going now?" I grab my phone and check the time. Ten minutes to two am. I put it in my bag and my bag over my shoulder. Ten minutes before two? I slept like one hour.

"Dunno, I have a friend, she'll let me stay, Maybe." He loads the bag on one shoulder and the sleeping bag on the other.

"Won't you ever come back?"

He shakes his head. "Guess not."

Instead of walking through the door, we take the fire escape. I must admit, it feels exciting and part of me welcomes the adventure of running away from a dangerous drug dealer out of a window above a strip club. It's the most exciting thing I have ever done, right before the present act of running away from home. But my rational side is worrying. Does Jaden really has to give up this life? What will he do now? Where will he live? I wished I was rich and had my own house so I could just let him live with me.

As we pass the fourth floor, I take a look at the window of the neighbor living under Jaden. I notice a dim light behind some grey curtains. "Is this Akefia's room?" I whisper and point.

He shakes his head. "Bakura's." That doesn't tell me anything but now is not the time to ask. We hurry down the stairs but on the last floor Jaden suddenly stops and let's out a dry sigh. "Fuck."

I look up. A big guy has appeared before the stairs, it's one of the big guys from before, the doorman from the front. The plastic chairs next to the door are empty, two dozens of cigarette stumps lay around them.

* * *

The doorman shakes his head at Jaden, but he does not mock him, he looks worrysome. "Sorry, Jaden. Anzu saw you sneaking up." We're busted?

"Right, of course her," Jaden mutters under his breath.

We walk the last few steps downstairs. Jaden let's the bags fall to his feet and breathes out. I stand behind him, unsure what to do or say. Guess there's no way out now, is there?

All three of us look up when we hear footsteps. A man comes out, his hair white as snow, skin tanned. Behind him, with a fairly distance between them, a small group of five strip girls. The white haired man turns to shoo them away, but they stay near the door, pretending that they're here to smoke. The man comes closer to us and the guard steps aside for him.

I'm not moving and hope that he does not see me, but the man eyes me up and down. His eyes are cold and blue, his expression angry. He quickly throws his scowl back to Jaden. He must have been a good-looking man once, but the dark circles under his eyes and the wrinkles on his face make him look tired. I estimate him to be around forty-five or fifty years old.

The corners of Jaden mouth move as he gulps. He doesn't break the eye contact with the man, nor does he shift any limb. But he looks like he's gonna sprint every second. Like a wild animal that is cornered by a hunter, tensing every muscle, waiting for any sign of carelessness from its captor.

"Who's this?" The man asks, pointing his chin at me, but leaving his eyes on Jaden. He puts his hands in the pockets of his long jacket.

"Oh, he doesn't know anything," Jaden replies quickly. "Akefia, I-"

"Your friend?" Akefia frowns. "Or one of Bakura's guys?"

Jaden shakes his head. "No, a friend of mine."

Akefia focuses his look on me. "Get lost."

I look at Jaden, who looks back. I don't want to leave him alone in this situation.

"Yah just go, Marik. I'm sorry. We're gonna write, right?" There's no smile on his lips, his eyes look big and scared.

"Wait," Akefia says and the guard takes a step into my path. "You sure he doesn't tell?" The guard crosses his arms, holding onto his big biceps muscles.

At that moment loud clacks of high-heels on asphalt echo around us. A woman with blonde hair, red lipstick and a short skirt hustles through the increased group of girls and puts a hand with bright red painted fingernails on Akefia's shoulder. "What's going on?" The girls behind her start murmuring.

"That has nothing to do with you, Mai," says Akefia with a rough voice. "And y'all, get the fuck home!" he yells to the other women, who actually start to move and hide inside. Two stay outside, having their cigarettes as excuse.

"Oh, it does," Mai objects loudly. "I won't let ya do anything to him, it doesn't matter how much money you lost on'im!" She presses her hands on her hips and stares at Akefia.

"I can pay for it with my salary," Jaden tries.

"Hold on." Akefia lifts a hand. "First, explain to me what happened."

Jaden's breath has been on a roller coaster ever since Akefia appeared. He has held it, then breathed a few times rapidly, then held it again. Now he lets out a big gulp of air, scratches his neck and starts speaking: "I was bringing the load to its place, just as you told me, just as always." Jaden makes a pause, waiting for an affirmation, but Akefia only stares at him. "I was at Huffington Street when I heard footsteps, like just one second before it happened and then, just one second later something hit my head and I fell." He ran out of air at the end of the sentence, so now he's panting. "I didn't see a thing, it was all black and next thing I know is I'm alone and the bag is gone!" he presses out.

"Mhm." Akefia studies Jaden's face for a few seconds.

"He's telling the truth," Mai says.

"Yeah, don't worry, I believe him." Akefia turns to her for a moment, being annoyed. She raises her brows at him as answer. Behind them, a man steps outside from a different door I hadn't noticed yet, wearing a dirty apron. He shoos the remaining girls to get inside, they complain, but do as he says. He throws a look at Mai and she throws her chin up to him as if to say 'what's up', but at the same time she presses her lips together so her message changes to something like 'well, damn.'

The man returns inside and everybody turns back to Jaden. "I can pay off for it with my salary," he repeats, eagerly waiting for a positive reaction.

Akefia crosses his arms before his chest.

"Take a third of mine too," Mai says.

My phone vibrates. I freeze and check the other's faces but no one seems to notice or care. I must have turned invisible, no one looks at me anymore. That's good. I don't want to go. The woman named Mai is on Jaden's side but I still feel that it would be wrong to leave. And, to be honest, I do want to know how this will play out.

The wind is blowing the cigarettes on the ground around and it is blowing into my face as well. I don't dare to flap my jacket's collar up though. The light above the plastic chairs turns off with a flick. The man with the apron appears again, this time from the girls dressing room, just stepping out as much as he has to to reach the handle and closes the door loudly.

We're alone.

Akefia takes a step back, glances at the floor, then to Mai, to me - which makes my terrified heart miss a beat - and back to Jaden. "You wanna pay for it?" he asks in a voice that makes it clear that it is a rhetorical question. "Fine, let's figure this out. The load was around ten thousand dollars, give or take and your hourly fee here is four, right?" He takes a look around, while everybody nods, even me. Again, it's all rhetorical, we are ought to agree. "Four dollars the hour makes thirty-two a day, hundred-ninety-two a week," here, Akefia takes a deep breath, "and nine-thousand-nine-hundred-eighty-four a year, not counting any free days."

I'm impressed by his ability to handle so many numbers so quickly, while Mai just rolls her eyes. Jaden remains unmoving.

I pull my phone out and check the message. It's from Dad. He never writes me messages. Suddenly, I am incredibly tired.

"So you would have to work for at least one year to make up for it," Akefia concludes and Jaden opens his mouth.

"Ah, well, I-"

"You don't really want that, do you," Akefia cuts him off. "One year without any money."

I want to read Dad's message. It's important, because he never ever writes to me. Also it's late, which means he is only awake because Ishizu and I aren't home. But the conversation here is too gripping and I cannot leave my eyes off of Jaden and the others.

Jaden doesn't reply and let's his head fall in defeat. That's his answer. No, he does not want that.

"Thought so," Akefia says sharply and Jaden gulps.

"With a third of mine, it could-" Mai tries, but she also gets cut off.

"What do I give you, Mai?" Akefia asks. "Seven the hour right?" She gives him a blank face but her eyes look like she could murder him. "Seven the hour, fifty-six the day, three-hundred-thirty-six the week, seventeen-thousand-four-hundred-something the year. Plus tips. You do have to feed your kids right? Are you sure you want to give me... ah, four-hundred-forty-eight every month, leaving you with eight-hundred-ninety-six? Only nine-hundred every month to feed Ryan and Nyla, buy supplies for school, clothes, after all the deductions on rent, water, power, car and whatnot every month? How high is your rent, Mai?"

Mai shakes her head without looking at him. It's not the answer to his question, she simply shakes her head at the situation. "You're probably right," she mutters. "Still, throwing him out won't fix the problem. Instead, ya making a new one. We do need him, you know." She locks her eyes back at Akefia, who merely glances at her.

"Besides, someone has surely saw you getting mugged," Akefia continues, looking at Jaden, who shakes his head at the new statement. "No, you're too long into this. I need a fresh face. Also, it's your third strike so you're out anyways." He looks to the doorman, nods at him, but Mai takes a big step into his way and tries to talk it out of him.

Jaden looks at me. "Go home," he whispers.

I nod, but I don't mean it. I don't want to go. Will Jaden get beat up now?! I cannot let this happen. What did my Dad write? I step a bit away and slide open the display lock.

' _If you won't come home in an hour, you don't need to come home ever again._ ' it says with correct punctuation and capital letter at the front. Dad isn't the best at technology and doesn't get how to delete words or letters so often there are more letters than necessary or missing spaces between words. This sentence is too perfect. Rishid must have written it for him.

I don't feel anything. My thoughts race back to my home though, I see my expensive laptop on my desk, my dumbbells near my bed, the yoga mat I never used - I miss those things, but I don't miss Dad. I'm sick of him. Can't he worry about me for once, instead of punishing me? Doesn't he see that he is driving me further away with those words?

I want to answer him, to tell him that I am not coming back. But I just stare at the display, stare at the blinking cursor, until Jaden nudges me. "Hey."

"Yes?" I look up and put the phone away.

"Really, time to leave for you. Now." He gives me a short, desperate smile. "Seems like I'm getting out unharmed thanks to Mai. But you, go!"

I bite my lip. My mind races. I'm relieved that Jaden won't get beaten up apparently and it is sad that he gets thrown out, but that also means that his spot is free now. For someone new. Maybe me?  
"What do you do again here?" I ask Jaden, he throws me a confused look. "I mean, except for the drug things."

"Why?" he mutters.

Mai and Akefia have finished arguing with each other and the white-haired man turns to Jaden. "I'm afraid I cannot let you go," he says, closing his eyes and frowning. He rubs his temples. "At least not without giving you a last lesson," he adds, his voice indifferent.

Everybody else's throat tighten at his words, I can see it in their faces. _A last lesson_. Last, because he is free to go? Or last, because he'll beat him up so much that he'll...?

I do not dare to move, but I hear Jaden's breath going faster again and see Mai opening her mouth in protest. Now or never. "I could take his place," I say loudly, feeling stupid.

Six eyes stare at me. Akefia does not move any muscle only throws his eyes on me. Mai eyes me up and down, then looks at me confused.

"For a year," I add. Okay, maybe this idea is stupid. What am I thinking, working here? But if I can save Jaden this way! Also, I just want to show my father that I don't need him, I can do it on my own. I won't come back crawling to him! I can save Jaden, make him go away safely, and for that I can live in Jaden's room and work downstairs and my father can live together with obedient little Rishid!

"Why would you?" Akefia asks.

"I ran away from home," I say.

Now it has become the truth. Before then I still could have returned, apologized to Dad, bowed my head and slipped into my room and under my blankets. I could have played the remorseful but offended son, could stop talking for a few days to him and he could stop being nice for a few days to me but in the end Dad would have won. But now I said it, I said I'm homeless and I cannot take it back. It's the truth now and I have to make the best of it.

I feel Jaden's stare on me. Mai opens and closes her mouth, apparently unsure what to say. Right, let's first hear what Akefia's got to say about it:

Akefia's first reaction is to chuckle. He nods, purses his lips and nods more. "And who tells me you're not gonna run away tomorrow as well, cause you changed your mind? Who tells me, you're not making this up to safe Jaden?"

"I -" I break off and look down. I cannot prove it. I am not sure myself. This environment is everything else but welcoming.  
It's wouldn't be the first time for me to forget everything that has happened the day before and to meet Dad and say sorry; say sorry and go on with my life, which is school. Right. It's just school and learning and getting good grades. Being either in the school building or in the house. Always somewhere caged.  
I'm sick of it. I look up. "I might change my mind, yes. So please feel free to track me and make me stay. I do not want to change my mind."

Akefia raises his eyebrows up. I wasn't sure if that would be possible. They seemed to be glued to his eyes, throwing shadows around them. Jaden too, moves. And Mai opens her mouth in surprise.

"Alright," Akefia says, gaining his usual composure back. "Then you may stay."

Jaden pulls his head to his direction. "But...!"

"And Jaden may go unharmed, alright?" I add quickly. "If I run away, you may beat him up, but as long as I stay, he's safe!"

The man with the white hair frowns. "Yes," he says. He looks unsatisfied. Like a cat that let a mouse escape. He gives me a long look, which I withstand. "Go home, Joe," he mumbles to the big man next to him, who let's his shoulders fall. "We're done."

Joe, the doorman, gives an inaudible sigh and let's his head hang, shaking it slightly. I take it as a good sign. He too, didn't want to beat up Jaden. Who the fuck would want that anyway. I begin to realize how ruthless Akefia must be.

"You can live in Jaden's room. You don't get any salary, you did understand that, right?" he asks.

I nod.

"Be downstairs at six, Mai and Mahad will tell you the rest," Akefia mumbles, turning around mid-sentence to leave.

"Alright," I say.

I stare at his back while he goes to the door, waiting for Joe to open it. His jacket ends flap in the increasing wind. The metal door squeaks as it is being pulled. Akefia goes inside, Joe follows, leaving Mai standing in front of Jaden and me.

"Marik." Jaden moves closer to me. "What the hell are you doing?" He's whispering, as if what I am doing is malign. His eyes search inside of mine but he does not find an answer and frowns.

"Mai, you're coming? I'm closing up," Akefia yells from the inside.

"Give me a minute!" Mai yells back and trips closer to us as well. "Another runaway?" she asks me softly, but does not wait for an answer turns to Jaden. Her expression changes as she grabs his shoulders. Jaden relaxes in her presence and gives her a smile. "I'm gonna miss you, J."

"Gonna miss you too, Mai," Jaden replies.

This seems to be private, so I move a few steps away and let them hug and say their good-byes. I check my phone but there aren't any new messages. When Mai is gone, I turn back to Jaden, who grabs my arm.

"You've got a home, why would you do that?" he asks. "Thought you was gonna stay for jus' one night. You did not make this up for me, did you?"

I shake my head at his last question. "No." This answer isn't enough, Jaden's eyes want more. "Not every home is a good home." I add. I'm too tired to think of an better answer. Jaden frowns, his eyes not stopping staring, demanding more details. "My Dad threw me out," I say. It's not technically true, but I'm hesitant to tell him more. My head buzzes, I want to sleep.

Jaden's expression changes. His head bows down, heavy from today's troubles. He rubs his forehead with one hand, his grip around my arm loosens. He looks up. "Well, then maybe it's not too bad if you stay here." His look lingers on me, he wants to tell me more, but doesn't. "Always thought you got it good with your fam."

"Kinda. Dad just went overboard this time."

"No chance to make up?"

"I don't know."

Jaden sighs. "Well, yeah, guess it's not a bad deal. You get a new home and I get out unharmed." He leaves me standing and goes to get his bags. "Guess I'm gonna hafta show you around a second time," he chuckles.

I smile back. He hands me the keys to his room and I awkwardly take them. We go inside to the dressing room. There's sound coming from behind the curtains, it's music. It sounds off and it crackles, like it's coming from a radio. More sounds are heard under it. Swiping motions, water dripping. Someone's cleaning? We walk upstairs. There's weak light in the stair case, just enough so I can see. It's one of those gradually weaker getting lights. Energy-saving bulbs. We have them too somewhere in the attic, but never bothered to use them.  
I listen as Jaden explains which key is which. One is for the storage door, the other for the actual door to his room and the last one is for the door to Akefia's apartment.

"Huh?"

"When ya need to go to the bathroom," Jaden laughs. "Or shower." Right, there was only a sink upstairs. "Don't mind Bakura, he's just an aggressive loner. Best, leave him alone."

Bakura, the long haired guy? "Is he Akefia's son?" I ask.

Jaden nods. Continues to explain what to do if the heater doesn't work, on which times I shouldn't enter Akefia's apartment and a few things more, which I fail to register because I think of Bakura. _Bakura._ What a weird name, just as Akefia. But while Akefia's skin tone was as tanned as mine, Bakura was pale as the moon. The hair was the same though. In the dark I had assumed he was blond, but he must have the same white hair his father has. The same angry eyes. I want to talk, to meet him.

"You're listening?" Jaden yawns. "God-fucking-dammit, what a day." He motions me to open up.

I nod absent-minded. "Yeah, let's... let's go to sleep." I take a peek at my watch. "Half past two," I mumble to myself. I open up the first door, then the second. Jaden yawns again, making me yawn too.

"Hm? Half past what?" Jaden looks up. I repeat it. "Yeah. Late." He puts his bags down to his feet. "Good night, Marik." He lifts his hand in a sweeping motion and pats my shoulder. His expression changes and he pulls me in to a hug. "I'm glad, we're buddies."

I pull an arm around him. "I'm glad, too. Where are you going to go?" I whisper.

"To a friend," he whispers back. "Not sure if I ever mentioned her, but her name is Susanne and she's kind of like an aunt to me. She said she can have me." He let's me go and smiles.

I smile back, feeling closer to him. He didn't tell that Mai, but told me. "And then?"

He shrugs. "We'll see."

"Right." I look down. I feel a bit mean, taking his spot like this. But I should feel good. I saved him, after all.

We say our goodbyes for the third time or so, then Jaden closes the door after himself. I stand there for a bit in the darkness, before switching on the lights.

* * *

I am tired, and I have to pee. Also, I'm hungry. Four or five hours ago I left my home, no wonder. I'm a big eater usually. But when I'm at strange places my appetite dwindles.  
So I use the third key - it is the biggest one, easy to recognize even in the dark - and open the door to Akefia's and Bakura's home. My heart is pounding while the unlocking sound makes me twitch. Do they hear me? Are they still up? Akefia just walked inside, so he might be still awake.

I close the door after me and turn around, in search for a wall. I hear Akefia's voice talking, stopping, then talking again. He is on the phone, somewhere right of me, in another room. I run my hand along the walls, in search for the light switch. I find it and use it, but the lights don't seem to work, so I cautiously walk forwards in the dark. The toilet is straight at the other end of the short hall, Jaden told me. I find it and close the door behind me. There's a bit light in here, coming from outside. The neon blinking lights still work their magic, finding me even here, reflecting off the metal surfaces in the room.

As I sneak out again, I hear Akefia still talking, making short humming sounds, listening to someone talk. I wonder where Bakura sleeps. Is he still awake? He was awake yesterday at a pretty late hour too, but now it's even later. My stomach hurts, reminding me of my hunger. Where's the kitchen here?

In the room across from Akefia's I hear the familiar sound of a refrigerator. The low hum, you are only aware of in the evenings, when everything is quiet. I stumble towards it, closing the door behind me again. The bit of light coming from the window guides me. The handle of the fridge is lower than I am used too, the whole fridge is smaller than ours and it is a single-door one. No ice-maker, no display. It reaches up to my chin.  
Inside, is not much: a can of pickled something; a big cola bottle; some vegetables, looking like they've been here forever; an unopened jam jar; two eggs; milk. I don't dare to eat any of those things. I had hoped he fridge would be fuller so I could take one yogurt or one slice of cheese or something without anyone noticing. I pour myself a glass full of cola and drink it empty, before going upstairs. It is not coca cola, but some no-name brand, but I don't mind. I take the plastic cup with me.

Upstairs, in Jaden's room, I let myself fall into the bed. Ugh, how my head pounds. As if something is inside my skull and is trying to break out. I undress while laying on the bed and kick my clothes off the bed, barely managing to get under the covers before I fall asleep.

* * *

 **A/N: Not much of Bakura yet to be seen, but he will show up more often from now on :P** **If you find grammatical or other mistakes it's probably because English is not my first language. Please do tell me though. And do tell me if you liked it. I sure hope I will find time to continue this story and finish writing it. As for my other stories: Um, I'm not giving them up! But it might take a while before I finish the next chapters.**


	4. Day 02: Socks

**Day 02** \- _12/24/2015 **  
**_

* * *

Diary entry: _I have labeled the previous day as 'Day 01' and today is 'Day 02'. Officially, today was my first working day, but because I am here since yesterday - plus it was my birthday - today feels much more like 'Day 02'. It makes keeping my diary easier._

* * *

I sit at Jaden's desk while I write up all of yesterday's happenings into the notebook Ishizu gifted me. Writing so much is unusual for me, I am used to a keyboard and not to the pencil. But it is fun, I like it. My hand hurts so I am taking breaks and look outside the window. The streets are busy, they always are, but it is a different kind of activity. Yesterday night they were filled with drunk people and junkies. It was loud and flashy. Today I see a lot of people with luggage, hurrying to and from the central station. Now, during daytime, the world here seems less dangerous, less exciting. Sleepy.

Tomorrow is Christmas. I will get no presents - heck I didn't got any for yesterday, besides the diary. Well, I didn't tell anyone here it was my birthday, I didn't feel like they would care. Jaden told me, he'd be here in about an hour, to show me the strip club and my tasks. I have to stay here, after all.

When I woke up at noon, I was confused. Cold. The heater stopped working during my sleep. Jaden told me to turn it off, wait for half an hour and try it again when this happens. But I had let it on during the night and it wasn't working at all even after I did what Jaden told me. Great. I have to ask him what to do.  
My anger from yesterday is gone. I wrote Ishizu and Rishid, telling them I am fine and that I am going to stay here even though I am starting to doubt this decision was a good one. But I cannot change my mind now, can I? As expected, Ishizu was worried but stood behind me. Rishid was just worried and Dad did not answer at all. That's his second tactic when number one fails. Pretending to be _oh so hurt_ and too shocked to communicate. Which begins to make me angry again, encouraging me more to stay here.

I am torn apart between wanting to return home and to stay. Questions raise up in my head, problems and opportunities, for example: Can I continue going to school? Probably not. But: Hooray, no school! What will my classmates think? Will they miss me - will _somebody_ from my school miss me? What will my GF think? But to be honest, I don't care about her as much as I do for Yuugi. He's gonna be alone now. Well, I am alone now too. But hey, I am _alone_! I have my own room, no Dad who's telling me to go to bed at ten pm, no siblings I have to share sweets with or fight for the remote control! There's this cute guy living right under me, there are lots of new people I can be friends with, there's this whole city waiting to be explored! I am living in a city! I could go to the cinema! I could just go outside, right now, and nobody could stop me!

I reblog some things on Tumblr, waiting for Jaden. It's 3 pm when he finally writes that he's waiting downstairs. I wanted to shower and get some fresh clothes but all Jaden left me are those jogging pants and a bit of underwear. So I put on my sweater and pants again, but do not redo my make-up because I don't brought any of my make-up things with me and also I feel like it's making me too gay. I am still not sure how obvious my sexual orientation is and if people here would mind.

I miss my laptop. Reblogging things on mobile sucks. My phone works on prepaid and normally I try to use it as less as possible for internet actions. Jaden does not have a computer it seems, I don't recall him packing it in. It's crazy anyways how much stuff he left here, but since he could get away without trouble, I guess he can always come and get more of his stuff. Which makes me wonder if I could go home too and get some of my things.

But I shouldn't. I don't want Dad to see me. He is at home as much as he can and because he expects me to come back, he will keep his ears and eyes open even more. I cannot give him that satisfaction.

* * *

I go down the stairs and meet Jaden outside. He looks worn out. Maybe he's just sleepy. We decide to go eat something first. I tell him I don't have much money and Jaden laughs, telling me he doesn't have much either. There's a McDonald's near, he says. He notices my clothes and tells me that he'll lend me some spares. Ahh, I love this boy. Always friendly and always helping, even though he had and has such a troubling life!

Just as we want to leave the backyard a car pulls up. It's a big old Buick Regal, the cheapest I have ever witnessed. The guy inside looks unspectacular. He turns off his music and shouts "Oi! Kura!" without paying much attention to us. Does he mean _Ba_ kura?

"Come on," Jaden says, not paying much attention toward the guy either. We walk away. In the corner of my eye I can see the window under Jaden's room opening up.

I've never been to a McDonald's before. It's inside the central station building together with a few small shops. I'm amazed at the different people and smells inside the station's building, and the strange languages, the fast pacing. There's a Starbucks in the corner. Jaden keeps up with the movement, knowing when and how to dodge people coming towards his way. Someone bumps into me, his hand brushing my side. I apologize, while the guy didn't even so much as look at me.

We step inside the 'Macces' as Jaden calls it and I get my purse. - No, I want to get it but it's gone. Along with my phone. I panic, ignore Jaden and walk to an empty table to turn my bag upside down. But my stuff is gone. Jaden asks me what's up and I explain it to him. I remember the guy who just bumped into me and feel incredibly stupid. Dad was right, it is dangerous in the city - hah, no, wait. I'm not gonna confirm his stupid fears! Well yes, it got stolen but that is not a reason to avoid places with a lot of people. I just got unlucky, is all. It's just a thing. Things are not important. I don't need it. It's not that bad. It's okay. It's okay.

"Don't worry, gonna spend you a burger," Jaden smiles. I thank him and tell him I'll pay him back. We stand in line. There are lots of people, it is loud and some weird smell lingers in the air. A baby is crying somewhere and from the kitchen behind the counter comes some weird beeping noise. I can't stop thinking of the guy who stole my purse. What did he look like? The five bucks in my purse aren't that important, but there was also my student ID card and other things. I sigh and Jaden rubs my arm. Dammit, the picture of Mom was inside!

I don't talk much as we sit down and eat. Jaden bought me a cheeseburger, which tastes funny. He lets me have a chicken nugget, which tastes a bit better. I try to remember the thief's face.

"Your phone is gone too?" Jaden asks, making a sympathetic face.

"Yeah, ughh." I stuff my mouth with my burger. "Now I don't have any access to the internet at all!" Goddammit, I will lose followers on Tumblr.

He laughs. "Hah, _that's_ what ya worrying about?"

"Yes, dummy," I say. "I won't be able to write messages to you either."

"Oh fuck, you're right." Jaden stops chewing. "Can't you go back home and get some of your-"

"No. Dad is practically sitting next to the door, just waiting for me. I won't go back."

"Oh."

We finish eating. My stomach feels weird and my bag feels awfully empty, all that is inside now is my water bottle. I don't say much as we walk back to the strip club. Jaden tells me that there is a phone in the girls dressing room and one in the kitchen as well. Also there's an internet cafe just down this street. I just nod and nod. I know he tries to help, but I cannot appreciate it. How could I lose my only picture of my Mom.

* * *

The Buick is gone and the window upstairs is shut. The White Snake is still silent, no one's in yet. Jaden and I go behind those red curtains. Only then I notice the small stairs, hidden right on the spot were the curtains fall, leading to a stage. The stage where the girls are stripping. We don't walk on it but walk besides it, between rows of dark red seats and poles. Most lights are not on yet, just enough to see where we're going. The room is big but doesn't look imposing. It's more of a let down actually. No glamour to find. Jaden walks behind the bar counter on the left wall, grabbing some keys.

"I'll show you the kitchen," he says leading me to the double doors beside the bar. The inside is small and full of kitchen tools, everything is either white or metallic. It's surprisingly clean. "Most of the times you don't have to help out much, but sometimes Mahad will need a hand. Like peeling potatoes or heat up something, get something from the back. You will have to check the stuff in the back every evening and throw stuff out that is bad. You do have to wash up every evening, sometimes twice. He'll tell you all this himself anyway."

"I won't have to wait tables?" I ask.

"Hell no," he snorts. "You're a guy, you're at the back. We have five waitresses for that."

Right. Makes sense. After all men only want women and a guy would turn them off. I wonder if there are strip clubs for gay men.

Jaden tells me that Mahad is the kitchen chef and that Mai is at the bar. I will listen to them, they'll tell me what will have to be done and by time I will know it myself. Basically I will have to walk from one place to another, bring people stuff and help the girls get dressed, check the toilets and clean up in between. "You work from six till two, you have one break that you can have whenever you want," Jaden explains.

"Two what?" I ask. "Two am?"

Jaden nods. I seem to have pulled a face, because he laughs. "Don't worry, you get used to it. You know how I wake up at noon, don't you?"

I know. He is on Tumblr at noon, replying to my messages, wishing me a good morning, while I'm already wasted from four hours school and having lunch. When he begins working I am home, finishing my homework and playing Candy Crush. When I go to sleep, he still has two hours of work before he can hit bed.

"When do you go to sleep?" I ask him. "Right after work? I couldn't sleep just like that without any free time before."

"Nah," he answers, "I eat something and chill a bit, read a bit. I cannot head to bed right after work either."

Now that I think about it, I did sleep from three till noon today. I already fit in.

Jaden wants to show me the basement. Its door is behind the stairs and needs another key which Jaden retrieves from behind the bar. "We have three keys for the basement. Mahad and Akefia have the other two."

"Does Akefia show up here actually?" I ask. Until now, Jaden has not mentioned the owner of the strip club.

Jaden shrugs, opening the basements door. "He checks in sometimes, but he's mostly either upstairs or outside." I follow him downstairs. "As far as I know he's got another club, a bar I mean. Somewhere in the city. Plus the, you know, that _other_ kind of income."

Yeah, the drugs. "Right. Do you think that I will have to take care of that too?"

Jaden looks to me, inspecting me. "I don't think you will have to. I didn't had to at the beginning. Just say no."

"Alright," I say. But I wonder if I can just say 'no' to him.

Jaden shows me the various stuff I have to stock up, like plates and glasses - because the waitresses break them every once in a while; beverage powder, bulbs, cutlery, replacement cushions for the seats - because the customers spill something on them once in a while; mirrors, disinfectant spray, soaps, towels, toilet papers, various curtains and decoration stuff - which we pull out because it is Christmas after all. "Yeah, you should begin with that stuff. Put it all around where you think it fits," he says, pulling out some Christmas lights. "Not too much outside, it's still a strip club. And give those to the waitresses." He hands me some reindeer antlers made out of plush. "Two days after tomorrow you will have to put it all down again," he says.

It makes me sad to think of the girls who have to get undressed on Christmas days, dancing in front of disgusting old guys, while they should be home making cookies and spending time with their families. I too, will miss Christmas. Ishizu as well. Damn, I wished I could visit her!

There are a few fridges here, buzzing silently when we approach them. "Frozen ingredients for the kitchen," Jaden says.

"What about Bakura?" I finally ask, as we make our way upstairs. We put the boxes next to the stairs and go up higher.

"What about him?" Jaden frowns. "Why are you so interested in him? He's gay," he says in one breath and my heart stops beating for a second.

"What? Oh. I-I don't know, I just wonder why he's... aggressive or what did you say about him..."

Jaden's voice gets softer. "Akefia isn't the best father." Then he gets louder. "But Bakura is an ass! I don't remember having even one decent conversation with him while I've been here." I stare at him, he stares back. "Alright, I'm exaggerating," he says, making a motion with his hand. I follow him upstairs. "Just ignore Bakura and it'll be fine," he says as final remark and I close my mouth.

Dammit, was I that obvious? I only asked about him for the second time.

In his room, Jaden grabs most of his books and puts them in his empty bag. I ask him about his aunt. "Oh, she's fine," he sighs. "Just a bit weird. And she's not my real aunt, just a bit older, you know," he laughs.

"You can't stay long at her place, right? What will you do after that?"

Jaden takes a moment to look at me with his dark eyes, as if contemplating what to tell me next. "I guess I am staying longer," he answers in a quiet voice and looks away. Weird. Something's not quite right here, but I don't comment on it.

* * *

Jaden says his goodbyes and leaves. It is already five and I have only one hour until my first workday begins. I have to shower. I need fresh clothes! Jaden told he'd bring me some, but I doubt he will. I don't think it would be good for him to show up here too often. At least he left me the jogging pants. But I'd rather use them as sleeping and, well, jogging pants and not for work.

Alright, what to do now? Ask Akefia? No way. I feel helpless. Who could I ask?

You probably know who I am thinking about. Of course I thought about that cute, white-haired, _gay_ (!) guy living just under me, probably having about the same clothing size as me. Jaden's offhand mentioning of Bakura's sexual orientation told me that he probably hasn't figured out mine. After all, he would have told me so sooner. Also he would have warned me to not get affiliated with Bakura, because he's 'an ass'. So maybe my sexual orientation isn't as obvious as I think. So would Bakura know that I am gay? Should I tell him? How the fuck do gay guys find each other?!

While I'm sitting at the desk and continuing my diary, I hear a car pull up. I look out of the window. It's the same car, that ugly Buick. Bakura is getting out. It's hard to mistake him for another person with that white hair. He's making a motion with his hand and the car pulls back again. Bakura is climbing up the fire escape, it seems to be his preferred entry to his home. Alright, I can even hear his steps now. Should I get out to and ask him for some clothes? He's an ass, Jaden says, but I just want to meet him.

I realize that I must have fallen in love with him, without even knowing him at all.

I press my face against the window's glass and barely see the corner of his jacket or something. I can hear his window sliding up, then down again. It must be his room, he's sneaking outside, just like I used to do. Is Akefia as restrictive as my Dad?

Despite knowing that it is rude and stupid, I decide to go downstairs. What could happen at the worst? He could yell at me, I guess.

I get my keys and head downstairs. It's annoying to close the storage room every time I leave my room, but it has to be done. I remember Jaden saying that at this time, an hour before the strip club opens, Akefia is downstairs, making himself something to eat in the kitchen. So I should be alone with Bakura. I'm still cautious and open the door to their apartment slowly. I'm not as loud as yesterday. Everything is louder in the night but now I doubt Bakura has heard me.

I am in the hall; blue walls, a shoe cupboard. No pictures or decorations on the walls. It _is_ Christmas, isn't it? Well, maybe they put all the Christmas decor in the living room or something. The floor before the entrance door is dirty. There's dust in the corners on the ground and on the wall. The kitchen is to my left and it is the only room except the bathroom with an open door, the other three doors are shut. The right door leads to Akefia's room. Where is Bakura's?

I go into the kitchen and look out of the window. Right, there it is, the fire escape. Leading up and passing by the other room's windows as well. So Bakura's room must be right next to the kitchen! I walk before it, there's a poster on it, - no, it's a calendar made out of cheap paper. 'The Year 1994' it says in big letters, below twelve small pictures of various animals and below each picture columns of weekdays and numbers from one to thirty or thirty-one, except February alone. 1994? I was three years old then.

I knock, loudly and clear. Three times.

I wait, but there's no response. Isn't he in? I knock again and yell "Hey!"

Again, no noise at all - no, wait, there's some rustling, sounding like someone is moving in bed. Was he sleeping? Oh, I am sorry, I -

A few quick steps, then he opens the door with a short swing. "What the fuck do you want?" he asks, frowning, glaring. The room behind him is dark, almost pitch black.

He does not seem to be wondering who I am, or maybe it does not interest him. "Hey, I'm Marik," I say, slowly, suddenly forgetting why I am here. I run my eyes over him. No pajamas, but oversized pants and a sleeveless shirt, which reveals a bit of his chest at the front. Isn't he cold?

Bakura opens his mouth and frowns more. "So... what?" he asks loudly, emphasis coloring his voice.

"I'm replacing Jaden cause he's away and-"

He closes the door, before I can finish my sentence.

What the fuck?!

"Hey!" I yell and knock again. What the heck was that? Naturally, he doesn't open and I wonder what I have done wrong. My heart is beating faster. I can feel my face flush. I want to meet you, you idiot!

I pound the door some more, but it seems to be useless. I'm about to walk away and go upstairs but something holds me back. No, I need some clothes! There's no one else I can ask! I need to shower and put on some new clothes because I smell like a trash can!

"Hey!" I yell. "Hey, Bakura!" My fist hits the march animal - a cithaerias butterfly - multiple times. I do not stop, but keep hitting, five, ten, fifteen times. At around thirty my hand begins to hurt. At forty I lose count. At fifty I hear the rustling again.

"God-fucking-dammit, okay!" he yells and opens the door for the second time. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" he spits, lunging his hand at me.

I do not step back but move forward. "What the fuck is wrong with _you_?" I ask, moving my hands apart. He's a bit bigger than me but I am not afraid of him. He hasn't got any muscles while I am well trained. "Why do you have to be so rude?"

He stares, as if not believing what I am saying. "What. the fuck. do. you. want," he presses out between bared teeth.

I take a breath, try to calm down. "I do not have any spare clothes. I have to work at six and was wondering if you could borrow me something."

At that, he takes a step back, not breaking our eye contact. "You what?" he laughs, crossing his arms before his chest. His voice shakes in pitch. A thick puff of his hair falls over his shoulder. _Snow-white hair_ , comes to my mind. "What makes you think I would borrow you some clothes?" he asks, not waiting for an answer. He grabs the door while going inside backwards, still staring into my eyes, still not believing my question, my presence.

"Wait." I push my boot between the door and the frame, coming closer and pushing it open. "Please, come on," I beg, giving him a smile. "I will wash them and bring them back! I can wash all your stuff for that favor, okay?"

He let's go of the door, blinking at me. Am I that irritating? Well, you're pretty damn irritating too! "Why you so rude," I mumble under my breath. He waves me inside with one lazy hand motion and turns on the light. I did not expected a start like this. Jaden was right, he is an ass.

His room is full of stuff. And it smells. There's something like a bed in one corner, and a small TV and a game console in another. There is a closet, a desk and a chair, the latter two are both full of clothes and books, trash and other stuff. There's lots on the floor: books, paper, cardboard, bags, trash, wires, a big fan, jackets, packages of cigarettes. He prances on the small path between all of this trash and slides the grey curtains to the sides, giving the room some sunlight. There's a book shelf above his bed and a trash can next to the desk, full with - you guessed it - trash.

"How can you live like this," I say before calculating that I probably should not have said that.

Bakura throws a scowl at me. "How can you live with that fag face?" He seems calmer now though, brushing me aside to get to a pile of clothes.

Fag face? How does he- "Aren't you gay yourself?" I blurt out. His non-existing manners drive me walnuts!

He glances at me, a shirt in his hand. "Ah, so I'm right?" He smirks. He sniffs the shirt then tosses it to me. "You can have that."

I catch it without looking at it. "I want something fresh," I utter and throw it back to him. How dare he give me something out of his used stuff!

That little movement he made with his lips, that smirk, I want to see it again. I don't want to fight. But fighting is inevitable with him, I guess. "Why would I give you something fresh, moron. Take it or leave it." He flings the shirt to my feet, then goes back to the window, opening it wide. The sill is the only clean spot in his room. He retrieves a pack of cigarettes from his back pocket and leans over the windowsill. "Take it and get out or I'll hurt you." His voice is calm. He lights up a cigarette.

I have learned in psychology class that it only takes 3 seconds for one to decide if he likes the other or not. It's all about appearance and the first impression. You can talk about hearts and personalities and loving the inside of someone all you like but in the end it is all about the outer shell.

Just like I have fallen in love with him without knowing him, he probably despises me without knowing me. All because of that bad start.

"Please, I need something fresh," I repeat. He does not move. "Please, Bakura," I say, feeling like I'm entering private rooms of his soul by saying his name.

"Piss off, fly boy."

What does that mean again. I sigh loudly. "Common, what do you want me to do? Suck your cock?" I try.

He turns around, cigarette in his mouth and leans backwards, elbows on the windowsill. He takes the cig out of his mouth and says: "You would like my cock, wouldn't you?"

My face flushes. "Ahh, stop that and - just! Just give me something!" I step towards him, in need to see his stupid face closer. "What is your fucking problem? Why won't you help someone in need?"

"Why _would_ I help someone?" he gives back. He sucks on his cigarette, closing his eyes.

"Cause you should be nice to people? Cause they might help you back?" Another stride.

He looks at me, as if he doesn't believe that he has to explain this to me. "No, they don't. Also I don't need help."

I take a last step, standing before him now. "You're a fucking egoist!" I yell.

"Well, d'uh." He blows smoke at my face, which hits my eyes. It feels like small cuts over my eyeballs.

My jaw and muscles tighten. I fight the need to cough but do not cough, just hold my breath until the itchy feeling in my throat goes away. I don't know whether to push him out of the window or slap him. How can somebody be such an asshole! "You-" I begin, but the sound of the entrance door opening stops me.

Bakura and I look over to Akefia. Suddenly life springs into Bakura. He moves, flips the cigarette out, closes the window and goes to his closet, searching. "Here," he mumbles, pressing a bunch of clothes on my arms, which I diffidently grab. He grabs my shoulder and shoves me outside, giving me a growl as I say 'thank you'. He slams his door shut. Suddenly, within matters of seconds, I stand in the hall again.

Akefia gives me a disapproving look. "Bakura!" he then yells, hammering at the door, much harder than I have. It bulges slightly at the sides.

"Fuck off!" comes from the inside.

"Don't start anything with this one! He's working here!"

"He's not my type anyways!"

I don't move. Akefia looks back at me. "Work at six, right?" he asks nonchalant, as if he did not just fight with his son. A reminder for me to behave, I guess and not a legitimate question. Why is he so rude to his son? Is this normal behavior around here? Dad never yells at us like this.

I feel like I should defend Bakura. "Yes. I just borrowed some clothes from Bakura, Jaden showed me around, I-"

"Great," he says and walks off to the kitchen. I hear him opening the fridge. He comes back with a six-pack of beer, not paying attention to me anymore. "Go to Mai," he says and vanishes into the room opposite to Bakura's. Is this room also his? He closes the door and I stand in the hall alone.

I go to the bathroom and inspect the clothes Bakura gave me. Two hoodies, both black, both with graffiti art on them; a sleeveless white shirt; grey jeans. Not bad. I'm lucky Jaden left me some underwear, but I do need new socks. Oh well, first I'm gonna shower. I undress and step into the bathtub. I take the shower head in my hand. It is connected to the tap by a long tube. After a few looks around I discover a metal grip to which I can attach the shower head.

Just like our and their fridge, this 'shower' is nothing to that compared home. I have to wait until the water warms up and even then it's just a small drizzle. It's nothing, compared to the five high-tech spray panels above and one in every of the top four corners in our shower.

But I don't care. After that strenuous day yesterday and the work day laying ahead of me, a shower is still a shower. I should be thinking about the working day laying ahead of me, but I cannot clear my mind around Bakura. So Akefia knows that his son is gay and warned him to not 'start anything' with me. Is Bakura this promiscuous? I think of his shirt and that bit of skin I saw, the outline of his chest. His skin is so pale, so much lighter from mine. Needless to say, I jerk off at that imagine in my head.

* * *

I step out, feel like a new born. I didn't really like the generic shampoo but who am I to complain. There was no conditioner. I should buy some. I should make a list of things I want to buy. Like food for example.

Actually, I'm starving. That one weird burger and that one chicken nugget wasn't enough. I'm a big boy. Also I work out, normally, meaning that I eat a bit more than the average Joe. I already feel lazy because I neither jogged nor used my dumbbells yet. I have too much energy left. I guess I will have to cut short on my workout here. But I can still jog in my free time. Yeah, I gotta find a nice park nearby where I can jog as long as I want!

There's a big laundry basket next to the toilet. I take a peak. It is almost empty, save for a few towels which look as if they've been laying there for years. Do they not wash their stuff? I throw my used clothes inside and put on the jeans Bakura gave me. I dry my hair, then let it fall on my shoulders. Small drips of water escape from it occasionally. I tiptoe to Bakura's room and knock. I need socks.

No answer, of course. But you know what? I'm just gonna step in!  
But as I try the handle, the door won't move. Locked.

"Fuck off," Bakura says.

"Open the door so I can suck your cock!" I yell. I am much calmer compared to before, because I have just beat off. Still, some excitement is left though. I want to see his eyes again.

"Damn, you're hungry," he mocks. "But I doubt you're good."

One corner of my mouth rises. "Open up so I can prove it!" No answer. Aw, come on! "Do I have to call Akefia?"

He laughs. "Yeah, do that." I hear him move. "Actually," he says, his voice coming closer. "I would open the door in that case, cause I'd love to see him beating up your ass." He must stand before the door now.

I lean closer to the wood, placing my palms on it. "I need socks, Bakura."

"I don't care."

"Why are you standing before the door then?"

He grunts. The door clicks and I push it open. Bakura stands there, his eyes glaring at me.

"Is that the only facial expression you got?" I ask.

His eyes hush over me. It's just a quick glance but I can tell he's surprised. Like my six-pack, honey? "You get socks, if you get something for me," he says slowly.

"Fine. But first the socks."

Another approving look, this time he actually leans back a bit and takes a longer time until his eyes come back up. There, he smirks. "Alright." I can't remember the last time I had to bargain that hard for a pair of socks. With my body, no less. He moves to the closet, I follow him. He hands me a bunch of unsorted socks. My heart is beating faster as our hands brush. I had some witty remark prepared on my tongue but it is gone when I stare into his eyes. "Get me a pack of matches from downstairs," he says.

"Huh?"

"Downstairs. In the kitchen," he says louder. "The place where people make food? You know, food? The other thing you can put in your mouth besides dicks?" He mocks me again.

"Yeah," I mumble annoyed. I sit down on his unmade bed, no actually jump backwards onto it because it is higher than mine or Jaden's. Is it higher build or are their two mattresses or what? It is soft, the blanket I sit on. And it feels like it's very thick.

He turns around to me. "Eh, what are you..." he trails off, but stops when he sees me putting on socks. He stares at me with his lips shut tight. Guess I lost the bonus points I got for my abs again. "You're not welcome here, you do know that, right?"

"Chill, I'm just sitting down for a moment." I am being extra slow and adjust and pull here and there on the one sock that is on my foot. All without breaking eye contact with Bakura. Then I put on the next one.

"You piss me off so much," he mutters.

He does not move, only to cross his arms in front of himself, waiting for me to vanish. When I am finally done, I grab the rest of the sock pile and get up. I pull on my jeans, flexing my arm muscles a bit while doing so and watch for his reaction. There is not much, he simply exhales loudly and shifts his weight on one foot. Still staring me down, still annoyed. Whatever have I done to deserve this?

I leave finally, looking over my shoulder as I do so. He's still standing there and looks back to me. "Close the door. Get the matches," he says. I nod.

* * *

It is almost six anyways. I head downstairs after putting on boots and a hoodie. I don't meet anyone but hear female voices in the girl's dressing room. When I step through the curtains into the main room I'm a bit baffled. The lights from before are off but all the neon lights are on. Long neon tubes slowly change their colors from white to purple and back to white. There's more white light above me and lots of small purple dots all around the walls and between the seats. Which do look much more massive and classy under that light. There is music playing but it is too silent to make out the lyrics.  
It seems like a completely different room. Full of magic and adventure. For straight men anyways.

"Hey." Someone is calling. I follow the voice to the kitchen, the place I was heading to anyways. Earlier, when I was here with Jaden, the pass-through was closed with small blinds so I hadn't noticed it. Now the guy from yesterday looks at me through it, leaning down a bit.

"Hey," I say to him.

"What's your name?" he asks. He wears his black hair in a ponytail. He gives me frown after he glances at my chest. Is it the hoodie? Did he recognized that it's from Bakura?

"Marik," I say. I doubt he has heard it because in the same second something crashes inside the kitchen and in the next he's heading towards it. I go through the swinging doors, seeing him going into the next room, the storage room.  
Okay, um, where are the matches? I look through a few cupboards before I find them in the very last cupboard behind the door to the storage room. What did Bakura say? A _pack_ of them? Here are only two boxes. Whatever. I take them and head back upstairs.

"Got your matches," I yell through the door.

He opens it. "Shh, not so loud. Where are they?" When I let the two boxes drop on his open palm, he throws them back at me. "I said a pack!" They jump of my raised arms.

"Those were the last ones!" I say, feeling anger rise up again.

Bakura sighs. "No, there's more back in the storage room. It's usually closed but now it should be open. They are in the low boy in the corner."

Low boy? "Huh, what-"

"Storage. Room," here he goes again! Eyes twitching at me, voice lowering.

"Yeah, I know where that is, but what the fuck is a low boy?" I cut. baring my teeth. Goddammit, can't I have one normal conversation with him?!

"A small fridge," he answers and slams the door shut, I feel air hitting my face. A low fridge in the back room. Fine, then. I'm gonna get your matches! No need to be so pissed about fucking matches! Don't you realize that it would be much easier to not be so pissed and angry at me for no apparent reason? We could get along, we could make out, we could be boyfriends or just friends but there's no chance to that if you're being such an asshole!

I pick up the boxes with the Christmas stuff and walk back to Mahad. At least I assume the guy with the ponytail and the apron is Mahad. His skin color is similar to mine and Akefia's but only now I ask myself if they have the same heritage as I do. Egyptian. It could be one of the reasons Akefia so easily accepted me here.

The man in the apron waves me to him. "Jaden, I need you to," he begins then shakes his head. "No. Right, first set up the Christmas decoration. Put some lights at the entrance and some at the walls between the neons and so on, okay?" I nod. "Then come to me," he adds and vanishes back inside.

* * *

I do as Mahad told me. Or try to. I'm slow, because I simply don't know my working place well yet. For example to hang the Christmas lights over the entrance door I need a ladder. So I go to Mahad and ask him where the ladder is. He tells me it is in the basement. Right, now I remember seeing a ladder right behind the door to the basement. For the basement, I need the keys which are somewhere behind the bar. But where?

Mai, the barkeeper isn't there yet. I go behind the bar by lifting up a small wooden flap. Lots of bottles standing on shelves behind a long mirror and lots of various glasses in the front. I crouch down and open all cupboards and drawers and actually find the basement keys. I go and get the ladder, then hang up one chain of red lights and one chain of green lights above the entrance. The two bouncers before the door give me room but do not as much as glance at me.

Then I hang up some more lights between the long neon tubes, put a cutout of a sexy female Santa Clause near the entrance, hang some textile snowflakes at the walls which nobody will notice anyways. I notice that the small circular lights on the very edge of the stripper's stage turned from white to red. A second glance tells me that the neon tubes change their lights from green to red now.

"Marik!" a female voice calls me. It's Mai, standing before the bar. Tight glossy skirt, long, big hair. She knows my name? I walk over to her. "That was your name, right?" she asks with no emotion in her voice. I nod. "Did you put some light at the entrance?" I nod again. "Good. Get the other Christmas cutout from the basement and put it outside. There's a menu special on it."

"Alright," I say, ready to go.

"And change the candles on the tables and light them up," she adds.

I just love the atmosphere here. No, really, why's nobody even smiling at me? I know, I'm not the most cheerful person now either, but hey I'm new! Well, whatever. Now I actually have a reason to ask Mahad to get matches from the storage room cause the two match boxes from the kitchen are laying on the floor upstairs.

I tell Mahad, he doesn't pay much attention to me and tells me to slice some 'pommes' after I'm done with the decoration. "Wash your hands first," he says, about to go, then remembering something. "Ever sliced potatoes before?"

I nod. "Slicing as in, preparing them for french fries?" I ask.

"Yeah. Just do it your style." Awesome. He leaves the storage room through the exit door to outside - the door I saw him exiting yesterday - retrieving a pack of cigarettes from his pockets. Does _everybody_ smoke here?!

I find a cupboard half full of matches and candles and take out one 'pack' as Bakura called them. Four times six boxes of matches in two stacks, equaling fourty-eight boxes of matches, wrapped in plastic foil. I guess that will suffice for a while. I hide them under my hoodie and go upstairs, since no one is nearby, even Mai vanished again.

Bakura doesn't say a word when he opens the door, just takes the pack and closes the door again. He does meet my eyes though and holds the visual contact until his door interrupts it. Uh, I could just fall into him in hope he'd catch me. I do feel a bit dizzy.

* * *

The next hour passes by quickly. Finally a few customers come, making three girls climb up the stage. The music gets louder and Mai is behind the bar again. I'm in the storage room of the kitchen, peeling potatoes and slicing them up. Once Mahad drops by to get some plates and bring me an apron. No word to my peeling style, so I guess it's alright? I'm bored. When my bucket if full I bring it to the kitchen.

The kitchen is full all of a sudden. And by full I mean there are five guys crammed in a space designated for three guys, or so I estimated, preparing handling pans and pots and the french fries in the fryer, moving ingredients unbelievably fast. The air is thick of the various smells and sounds. I stand and stare. It's like I'm in a different world. There's a screen on one wall, displaying a list of words. Mahad grabs the bucket from my hands and tells me to cut some more pommes, shooing me back to the storage room. I'm back in the silence and sit down, frowning. More potato slicing? Ugh.

It feels like the second bucket takes me more time but the clock says I was faster. My hands hurt, I can feel every bone in my fingers. There's so much dirt under my fingernails. Mahad tells me to go to Mai. I have trouble to reach the exit. There's always someone in my way, everybody's yelling, never talking. They yell about asses and dicks, dogs and french apples. I guess it's some kind of kitchen slang? Mahad puts a hand on my back and gently pushes me outside. I'm relieved.

I still hear them yelling. A girl, a waitress, passes by and nods to me, smiling. She gets two plates of french fries from the pass-through, balancing them on one hand. I hurry to Mai. The room is much fuller now. I glance at my watch. Almost nine. I'm frigging glad I got the watch by the way. Being without phone now, I feel naked. Even more detached from my home. The watch gives me back a bit of control.

All four poles on the main stage are occupied, all four poles on the side stages are taken as well. Oh, there are small poles on the tables of guests too, haven't noticed that before. A few girls walk around, or are those waitresses? Yeah, right, those are waitresses. They wear short shirts, revealing their midriff, and hot pants with tights.

"Marik," Mai says and for some reason this makes me like her even more. She's the only one here who knows my name and actually uses it. I cannot remember Akefia saying it, or Bakura. Mahad just calls me Jaden. I guess he's just used to that. "It's your first day, so no rush, okay?" She smiles. "Go to the girls and look if someone needs a helping hand, alright? Don't be shy, they are used to guys looking at their bodies." Here her smile turns into a grin.

"Alright." I smile back, but I don't think I was convincing.

The dressing room is empty, only the thin girl from yesterday stands there, naked. I feel my face flush, but I look at her, since that's what Mai says. It's normal. It's a strip club after all. At first, she doesn't seem to notice me. So I step closer and ask: "You need help with something?" That seems to confuse her even more.

"What?" she says, her eyes - I don't know what it is with her eyes, they look weird. As if she's dreaming and not really here. Her collarbones are painful to look at.

I hear a flush, then water running. Soon enough the other girl from yesterday, the one with short hair steps out. She's wearing her civilian clothes: short skirt but long-sleeved sweater and a scarf. She eyes me up and down, then grins a super big grin. What the...? "So you're staying for reals?" she asks.

"Yeah," I say.

She begins to undress while maintaining eye contact. "I'm Anzu." Her grin has reduces to a smile. I feel uncomfortable, watching her as she takes off her sweater, then skirt and leggings and she seems to know that. "Don't worry, just look! It's my job to make guys horny and you'll get it for free. Must be nice to work here for you!" She laughs, I chuckle back.

"Oh, yeah, well," I begin, shrugging. She steps closer, her naked breasts jiggle in front of me.

"If you ever need help or someone to talk to, you can come to me," she says softly, placing one hand on my shoulder. In this proximity I notice her slight Asian features: almond eyes, small nose. What was her name again?

I nod. "Thanks." She seems nice.

Meanwhile the other girl has vanished in the toilets room. Anzu puts on complicated-looking stockings that end in the middle of her thighs and attaches them to same-colored panties. She's seems busy but soon enough, she turns back to me while putting on a bra which seems to be way too small for her but that's the appeal I guess. "What's your name?" she asks.

"I'm Marik. And you were...?"

"Anzu."

"Right. Anzu. Sorry, not good with names, heh."

"No problem," she smiles.

"You're Japanese?"

"Yes. "She nods. "Well, half-Japanese." She watches me for a moment, as if she's still deciding whether or not to say more. "Like Bakura," she then adds and waits for me to react.

"Okay," I mutter. What does she hope for me to say? But my mind wanders. So Bakura's mother is from Japan? That would explain the skin color. Or no, actually, still doesn't explain it. Where is she anyways, I cannot remember anybody else ever mentioning her before. It does not seem like she's living together with her husband. She's not living here. Are they divorced?

Anzu giggles and moves away from me, to the mirror. Woops, I actually got lost in thoughts. "Anzu," I say, "is there anything you need my help with?" She looks at me and shakes her head.

The other girl comes back, suddenly having energy, noticing my presence and Anzu's and frowning at me. "Who're you?"

"Marik."

"Oh," says Anzu. "Yeah, you could do something for me, sweety." She gets her bag and fishes her cigarettes out. "Yup, empty. Get me two packs of American Legends. King size, alright?" She glances at the other girl. "You really got thin, Sarah! Ah, so jealous!"

"Okay, but where do I buy them?" I ask.

Anzu gives me a big bill. "Oh, there's a newsstand just round the corner." She glances again at Sarah, who begins to put on her stripper outfit. What's with this girl, why is she so weird? And of course her name is Sarah, and she has long black hair, just like my girlfriend.

* * *

The rest of the day is told quickly.

I get outside through the back, figuring it's better than going through the main room and irritating horny heterosexual males. Guys stay at the back, Jaden said. I have no idea which newsstand Anzu meant and ask three people before I finally find it. I buy two packs of Anzu's brand, king size of course. Afterwards I go to Mai, because I feel useless standing around in a dressing room full of chatty girls.  
Mai tells me to cut a bucket full of lemons. Then, she sends me to Mahad who orders me to dish washing. It's quite a lot and there's always more coming. I feel super slow, I bet Jaden was faster at this. Mahad gives me no break and if I recall right, I do deserve a break. But I don't mention it, because there's always something to do.

The cooking has slowed down at midnight despite having a full house. I wonder if the customers buy a lot of food. Mahad only seems to reheat the things he and the others cooked before but to be fair, it's just a strip club and not a real restaurant. They leave the pot with the chili cooking on low flame through the whole night, same with the macaroni. The water for the hot dogs is cold again but you can warm those up fast. Salads are stored in big plastic containers but they are fresh, just made a few hours ago. I'd love one.

At one o'clock one of the waitresses says something to one cook, who turns to me. "Jaden, Mai needs you."

"Alright, thanks," I say quickly and leave the sink. Hooray! Please Mai, give me a big task, I'm sick of cleaning plates! The skin around my fingertips is about to peel off.

But Mai does not have a task for me. "You did not take your break, did you" she says, while cleaning dirty glasses. About eight guys sit around the bar counter, most of them turned to see the girls dancing.

"No. I thought you'd tell me when to take it."

"Uh-uh. You just take it when you think you need it. Don't hesitate okay? There's always something to do. Just take your break and only come back after the half hour is over."

"Okay, I just take it now then," I say.

She shakes her head. "Nope, go home. It's been enough for your first day." She looks away, to the stage.

I guess the conversation is over. "Okay, good night," I mutter.

While I pass the dressing room I hear loud voices, someone is arguing. A peak reveals Anzu and a blonde girl raising fingers and hands at each other, while two other girls try to calm them down. I don't understand what it is about and frankly, I don't care. I'm tired.

* * *

I let myself fall onto my bed.

I'm tired and hungry and I want a shower. My stomach feels weird. It gives me only a few seconds of warning before I jump up and run to the sink to vomit. Ugh, what the fuck. It's the burger. Thought I had digested that one by now. My stomach still feels weird.

I go downstairs. I hear Akefia talking on the phone. The hall is dark but I switch the light on. The fridge is as empty as last time I checked it. Well, what did I expect. Well, maybe I shouldn't eat anything either. I would just puke it out again. I use the toilet and go upstairs again because I cannot find any good reason to bug Bakura again.

I am tired but I do not want to go to bed yet. Jaden left a few comics which I grab and browse through but the stories don't hold my attention.

While I lay on the bed and stare at the posters I hear a car pulling up. Yup, it's the Regal. The window under mine pops open and Bakura climbs out, a cigarette in his mouth, a coat on his arm. He puts the coat on while speeding down the rattling steps. The guy in the car yells something. Bakura jumps inside and they drive off.

Dammit, who is that guy anyways? Bakura's boyfriend?

A quick passing in revue does not confirm my fears. No, the car guy looked very straight when I saw him yesterday. No, today. The meeting with Jaden was just before work but it seems so far away in my memory. Besides, it's not the next day if I haven't slept yet.

I cannot say exactly why but compared to Bakura, the car guy looked straight. Oh, maybe I'm beginning to develop my gay sense finally. Even before Jaden told me that Bakura is gay, I felt connected to him in some way. Something about him seemed different. Mysterious. Exciting.

I wonder where they went. I want him to come back.

Hm. Did he left his window opened? He must have. Well... I could just slip into his room without him knowing...

I think about it, imagine it; me going through his room, read the titles of his books, gather some of his trash and throw it away, dust off the corners, lay on his bed and hide under that thick blanket until he comes back, cuddling with me, putting his arm around me, leaning in for a kiss...

Okay, enough of this. In the end I won't go into his room, I'm not such a weirdo. I stay on my own bed, snoop through comics and miss my phone. What did people do before smartphones? I feel so useless. I'd like to lift some weights or go outside and jog but an adrenaline rush before bed isn't good. I have to do my training before work from now on.

* * *

After a while I wake up, not remembering to have fallen asleep. It's pitch dark outside but in my room it's bright, way too bright. I look at my watch, it's four. Great. I get up and undress, too tired to shower, too tired for everything. The skin on my hands feels weird from all that dish washing. I have to ask Mahad for plastic gloves tomorrow.

But you know what? It's all good, it's all fine. I'm okay. It's four o'clock in the morning but I could just go up and walk out, walk outside. I stand at the window, only dressed in shorts, and watch the few cars passing by, the few groups of drunk people laughing. It's silent for such a loud city like this. I feel free.

* * *

 **A/N: Marik's Tumblr actually exists and I started reblogging stuff on it a month ago because useless perfectionism. Jaden has one too.**


	5. Day 03: Rice

**Day 03** \- _12/25/2015 **  
**_

* * *

You know that feeling when you're on vacation? You kinda miss your bed and your room, but you know you're in a different, wonderful place to explore, so you can still fall asleep in the strange bed and eat the unknown food. The place is full of new smells and sensations and that's exciting, but you still feel that tug of your home, calling you, somewhere in the back of your head. And that's fine, because you know you're gonna be soon home again.

That's how it feels here. Like I'm on vacation, like I'm only temporary here. But I have to stay for a year. I do not have realized it yet. I still call the bed upstairs Jaden's bed and the sink Jaden's sink in my head, but it is technically mine now.

And there's the influence of my Dad, who's always worried when we're on vacation - heck, even when we were going to visit a mall we've never been before, he's tense. As a result of that, we three kids get excited too, for the smallest things. I was the weird kid, whose parent called all teachers before every vacation, the only one who wasn't allowed to go to the special tour, who had to go home early, the one who was called on mobile every hour.

I feel the tension running through my spine just by being in a strange place, keeping me on alert and I hate it.

* * *

It's 2 pm and I'm still laying in bed. Really, there's no reason to get up, is there? It's raining outside. Rain and thunder. I wanted to go and explore the streets but not today. Not without a raincoat or at least an umbrella.

Finally, I do get up and put on the hoodie from yesterday, it's still good. I tilt the window to let a bit of that smelly air inside. I see the fire escape and, instantly, I think of Bakura. He must be at home too. What is he doing? Water runs through the metallic bars. The steps must be slippery. I cannot see much farther away than that, the rains curtains are too thick. Hundreds of gallons are gushing down, like coming straight out of a never-ending cornucopia of some water demon. The outside world doesn't exist anymore.

I turn the handle and open the window fully. Wow, the rain's loud. But so smelly. I close my eyes and lean outside, feeling droplets hitting me, ricochets from the wild wet fight outside.

The thunder is barely audible; it's further away. I don't know how long I just stand there and listen. I wake up from my trance, when I hear Bakura's window opening up as well. The creaking sound tells me, he too, opens it wide. I lean down more but don't see more than what I already know: An open window.

I make out scenarios in my head, reasons, why I would visit him. But he'd yell at me either way. I close my window again and start to work out.  
It's been two days without any workout and for me, that's too much. Sure, you have to give your body a rest, but while the biceps and triceps muscles regenerate and strengthen, I work on my thigh muscles, then on my six-pack, then on my endurance, then I start on the biceps again.

I can't do much without any weights or metal bars to hold on to but - wait, that's not true. I can do a lot of stuff just with my body and the floor. I work on a bit on everything, do some upper and lower thigh exercises, 30 for the right leg and 30 for the left leg, again 20 for the right leg, and 20 for the left leg; then for my back and my abs I do bridging and tabletop, crunches and leg raises; then the arms, using the bed and the chair since I don't have any weights. I'd love to jog a bit, but the rain says no.

Afterwards, I'm hungry as a wolf. Yeah, let's check the kitchen again, even though I doubt I find something. How do they expect me to work here without a bit of food? Did Jaden mentioned something about where he eats? Does he just visit McDonald's or what. I wonder if I could ask Mahad for left-overs. Or better Mai. She seems nicer. Oh, or Anzu, she says herself I could ask her if I need something.

But first, I put on my hoodie back on, grab the keys and head down.

* * *

I hear the rain pouring when I open the door to Akefia's apartment. Weird, how would I be able to hear it that clearly? But then I see the reason: Bakura's door is open wide, just as his window still is. I close the apartment door slowly, so that he won't hear me. I sneak up to his room and see him laying in bed, facing the window, smoking. He still hasn't heard me and I wonder how to take advantage of this situation. My body feels a bit tense from the work out and because of 'the curse of tension' my father gave me. I'm a bit _too_ tense actually, the workout wasn't all that hard, but I got tired pretty quickly. It must be new environment.

I can't think of an excuse to get on Bakura's nerves, also I'm hungry, so I go to the kitchen. A small, blue pot is steaming on the stove, next to it a wooden spoon. It makes me aware of my empty stomach. Huh, who's cooking? Akefia or Bakura? If I recall right, Jaden says that Akefia is outside at this hour. That would explain why Bakura leaves his door open. So it's Bakura who's cooking? And eating alone then, since his father is outside?

I feel bad for Bakura. Even when Dad is a control freak, we still eat and spend time together. We get a Christmas tree and decorate it together, put those glue snowflakes on the window glasses, hang up red and green lights, Ishizu and I make cookies, we send out lots of cards and receive lots, we get a big rabbit or chicken for Christmas dinner and everybody gets a Christmas calendar that the others put together. Right, I never opened the 23rd and 24th door.

Yeah, we're not Christian, we're Muslims, or rather Dad is one, but he wanted to integrate, or maybe Mom wanted it and Dad keeps it up for her. I have no idea of Muslim traditions. Mohamed, or what was his name, has his birthday these days, but that has nothing to do with Christmas. It's not like we care about Jesus. We just celebrate Christmas as a festival of love and it's nice because we're all together on those days and even when we fought before, on this day everything is forgotten. It didn't matter if Ishizu skipped school, or Rishid stayed outside for too long or if I read books all night under my blanket. Christmas Day was the day we were truly and sincerely one family.

Our house is warm and full with chocolate goodies and laughs. Here, the heater stops working in the middle of the night and no one talks to the other.

I do not dare to look what's inside the pot, but take a glance into the fridge. Empty, alright. There's a six-pack of beer though, must be Akefia's. I close the door, sighing.

I hear something and turn around. Bakura is standing in the door, same pants from yesterday, but a different shirt. Sleeveless again. Red. It makes him look even paler. He's starring at me.

"Hey," I say. I don't expect an answer and I don't get any.

He moves to the pot and turns it off, then stirs inside it. Rice, I smell. It's rice! Never has rice smelled so good. It must be my hunger.

Without thinking I step next to him, saying "ah...", taking a glance inside; and only then I realize what I'm doing. For a short time I thought I was home and that Bakura was Ishizu, cooking dinner. Bakura looks at me again and I try to rescue the situation: "Erm, you're cooking?"

"Not for you," he mumbles and moves himself with the pot away.

Yeah. Haven't expected any different answer.

* * *

In the end I don't eat anything, again. But I'm alright.

Jaden said there was a phone in the girls dressing room and this is where I'm heading next. I have to call Ishizu and tell her I'm alright. She's surely wondering why I'm not responding on Whatsapp. I'm still contemplating whether or not I should call Rishid too. Calling him would mean to call home. And when I call home, Dad picks it up. Rishid does too, but after everything that has happened, I know Dad is glued to the phone and doors.

Yeah, Ishizu can write Rishid that I am okay, no way I'm gonna phone home.

It's early, no one's there yet, everything is closed. I get the keys from behind the bar and open the dressing room. Lots of clothes around, as usual. Some lockers are closed, some are open. On the long shelf under the mirror, there's a lipstick laying around, one of the girls must have forgotten it. Hm, where's the phone? I don't see it. I guess it must be on one of the four walls, but there's no- wait. The table is full with trash, the pile reaches so high that it covers half the wall behind it. I guess it's my task to clean that up.

Oh. That's what Mai meant yesterday with 'see if you can help the girls'. Oh well, now I know.

I go to the kitchen, open it with a different key and get a garbage bag. Smelly Chinese food boxes, plastic spoons and forks, used napkins, empty cigarettes packs and wrappers, lots of wrappers, everything goes inside. Ew. There goes my hunger, too. I look up. And lo and behold, there it is! The phone! I leave the bag there and grab the receiver.

It's one of those old phones, with a cord and all. The familiar 'toot toot' welcomes me.

May I actually use it? Dammit, I should wait and ask Mai first.

I hope I don't have to pay for the call. I don't have any money, literally! Not one cent. My tension begins to feel like a cramp. How will I survive? Jaden could buy food with the money he made. Akefia was right, who would want to live like this. It's scary. I cannot rely on anyone. Didn't Jaden want to come and bring me clothes? But he's surely busy, I don't blame him.

I go upstairs again and read some of Jaden's comics and drink water from the sink. I'm glad I didn't do the homework for winter break yet. Or am I? A bit homework would ease my mind. Bring back a bit normality. Even tho I wouldn't get the chance to read it out loud in class.

I forgot to wish Bakura a Merry Christmas. This place feels so un-Christmasy that I just keep forgetting that it's already the 25th. In six days it's New Years Eve. Will I be all alone on this day as well? I miss my Mom - I mean her picture. I don't remember Mom, she died because she gave birth to me. Her picture is all I hav- all I _had_.

Yeah, that's what makes me so depressed here. There's no one to talk to. I am not the most outgoing person ever, but I do need people and have conversations with them. I am used to be surrounded by my classmates and my family, I am never alone. No, I'm so stuffed with people, I _seek_ loneliness and achieve it by going to the city once or twice a month but that was it. And even then I talk to someone.

I guess that's the price for my freedom.

Maybe I should run away from here as well. I could gather some food from the kitchen for a few days, wait for a good moment to steal money from Mai's bar, try to crack one of the cars in the parking lot and drive away, drive far away as possible. Drive where I want to, stop where I want to, maybe even to Europe, Germany, France or Spain!

Except that I cannot leave because Jaden will be beat up. Also I cannot steal from Mai who hardly makes money for her kids and I cannot short-circuit cars, let alone drive since I don't have a license. I don't even know which pedal is for gas and which controls the breaks. But one day I want to see Europe. No, one day I _will_ see Europe. But that's a different topic.

* * *

At five I go showering. Bakura's door is closed again. The pot isn't on the stove anymore. Has he taken it into his room? Whatever. I put on the second hoodie I have but keep the jeans. Heh, tomorrow I can bug him for new clothes. I already look forward to that, to be honest.

Maybe Mai's there already? I take my time and use an old hairdryer I find in the bathroom. At half past five I go down and hear noises from the kitchen. It's Mahad and as soon as he sees me he gives me three different tasks. Woah, wait! I have still half an hour before work! I ask him if I may use the phone first to call my sister and he says yes. Phew.

There's no need to work any minute more that I have to.

The dressing room is empty. Ishizu is relieved I am fine. She gives me the number of Seto's apartment and I hang up and call it, it's cheaper than calling on her mobile. I explain to her what happened and she listens. Then she begins to ask questions: Where do I sleep, what do I eat, where's this club, what's it's name, why don't you come to me. I tell her I cannot come to her, I _have_ to stay here or Jaden will be punished. Ishizu sighs. She tells me I'm too good for this world. I pout. I had to do it, I tell her. Also I wanted out, I am grown up, I can do whatever I want.

Ishizu argues I am not grown up yet and asks me how I will go to school. I tell her, I won't. She gets silent. It's hard to argue with an A grade student when you've been a regular school skipper. We both know this. That's why we never talked much about school, well, we never needed to. I never had problems at school. Yeah, actually I skipped the second grade back then. I tell her this. What's the matter if I stay away from school for one year? I lose one year but I can still catch up to it after I'm done here.

We agree that I will call her tomorrow again and I hang up. I notice that we haven't talked about her much but since she's still at Seto's apartment I guess she hasn't backed down to Dad either. Very good! Some part of me feels bad for causing him so much pain, but my mind tells me it's the right thing to do. Besides, I cannot leave anyways.

* * *

I help Mahad prepare the food for today. A bit potato peeling here, a bit tomato and onion cutting there, then Mahad shows me how to make the various salads. Weirdly, cutting the foods isn't as bad but when I witness how Mahad stirs the salad, making the the various smells flow straight to my face and mixing up together to such a seductive aroma... It's hard not to push him aside and eat it all up.

Mai tells me I have to put the Christmas Decor down after tonight so I'll have to stay a bit longer. Plus I need to clean the toilets and the room after the club closes. Great. I have to do that stuff for 363 days more. Ugh.

The evening gets quickly busy. Lots of men come tonight, singing ' _Jiggle bells, Pussy smells_ ' and other obscenities. Mahad and the others have lots to do, which in turns gives me lots of washing up. My head pounds. I ask Mahad for gloves. Afterwards I run errands for Mai, like bringing beer crates from the basement and mopping up some puke from a table. Yey.

At ten, Mai send me upstairs for my break. She seems angry with me that I don't take it myself, but hey, I want to show good work ethic! Maybe Ishizu is right, and I am too good for this world. I take a nap on Jad- _my_ bed and put the alarm on my watch to 20 minutes.

* * *

Refreshed, I go downstairs to Bakura's apartment for a bathroom break. I hear them yelling before I go in. For a few seconds I listen, but cannot make out the words. Then I slip inside and close the door.

And hear a slap.

Instantly, I think of Ishizu and Dad slapping her and I turn around, ready to protect. I failed to protect Ishizu, last time, maybe I can do it this time.

But of course I am not home, but in Akefia's apartment and it's not Dad who has his hand raised, but Akefia, while Bakura and not Ishizu just stands there and glares.

"Fuck off and die!" Bakura yells, slamming the door to his room shut.

Akefia let's out a breath, then vanishes in his own room, not seeing me. Or maybe he just pretended not to see me.

I cannot move. Again. I was just observing. Again. But to be fair, it went to fast and I couldn't have done anything anyways. I still feel bad. I wonder what happened, what Bakura has done to earn the slap. Even if he's rude to his father, that doesn't mean it's okay to hit him.

The pot is back in the kitchen. It's empty; its lid lays next to it. I use the bathroom, then go back to work.

* * *

At midnight the club is fuller than ever. The kitchen closes now, as Mahad tells me. The other cooks leave, after cleaning up a bit. Mahad and I do the rest. Then he gives me a sharpie and dictates me what to write on the labels of the Tupperware. I'm tired and hungry.

At one, Mai sends me to the men's bathroom because 'there's a mess'. I grab the mop again. When I step through the door I imagine the worst, but it's actually just some pee on the floor. Probably some drunk guy who missed. I clean it up, telling myself that this is freedom. I can do whatever I want. I'm in the big city.

At two, we close down. The bouncers have to make three rounds to get everybody out. They even have to drag one drunkie out of his seat. I watch him, hoping he can keep the contents of his stomach long enough inside. One of the waitresses is happy because the drunkie gave her a big tip. She seems nice, that one waitress. She's called Dotty because she always wears striped or dotted tops.

Mai counts the money while I collect the empty beer bottles. She tells me to wait for the cleaning team and help them a bit. Right. Sure. Ugh. I clean the girl's dressing room. Again, there's a big pile of trash on the table, even though I left the garbage bag next to it. I complain half-loudly, but the girls just grin at me. They dress up and leave, wishing me good night and Merry Christmas. I pick up the trash and put some bras and panties back on hangers.

Just as the girls are out, a group of six men and women come in, dressed in overalls. They have their cleaning stuff with them, mops, sprays, detergents; and begin in the girl's bathroom. They ask were Jaden is and I explain it to them, and they begin talking about him. The women especially mourn for him. One of the men has a radio with him. He puts it on and twiddles the buttons a bit until it doesn't crackle anymore. Salsa music.

They are fast, that cleaning team. I feel useless, so I take the trash bag and dump it outside. It's cold and it's still raining a bit. I look up to Bakura's window. Is he sleeping already? I close the heavy lid of the trash container and return inside.

The room is empty and the bathroom smells like lemons. I follow the music to the main room, where the cleaners wipe up the floor and the stages. I grab my mop as well and try to help, but I still feel useless. I'm slow and cannot handle that unwieldy thing as fast and skillful as they do. When they swing it, it looks so elegant and the dirt comes together easily. While I feel like I'm pushing one dirt pile all over the place without making any progress. Not long, and the others are done and pack up. One woman, black and big, asks me what my name is and offers me a cigarette. I decline. We talk a bit about Jaden, then they go as well, good night, good night, and merry Christmas, merry Christmas.

* * *

I'm feeling shitty. I let myself fall on my bed. I could just fall asleep like that, with my face buried in the pillow and my toes touching the floor, but it's cold in here and I don't want to get sick. So I drag myself up again and turn on the heater, waiting for the hissing sound. Except that no hissing sound comes, but a low gurgle. Fuck. That's what Jaden warned me about. The outage.

When this happens I have to go down and ask Bakura for a mattress. 'He'll be unfriendly, but help you out' Jaden told me. I'm tired. I don't want to go down, argue with Bakura to have to sleep on some filthy mattress in the hall. I just want to sleep here and now. But I'm freezing. And one part of me welcomes the need to talk to Bakura.

So I go down with all my blankets and the pillow. It's much to carry and some blankets reach down the floor and drag dust with them. In the hall I hear Akefia talking, but he's not on the phone. Someone is replying, he's physically there in the room. I don't get what it's about, something about locations and numbers. I knock at Bakura's door.

I'm surprised when he opens the door so quickly after my first few knocks and drags me inside by my hoodie. "Get it, dammit, before Akefia sees you."

"Huh?" I'm standing in the dark, only the TV lights up parts of his room. The smell of rice reaches my nose and I hear my stomach grumbling. He cooked more of it?

Bakura pulls the corners of my blankets inside the room with his foot and closes the door. Music comes from the TV. The games console is on, it seems to be a PlayStation. But it's a tiny one. "What do you want this time? Is the heater broken?" Bakura walks to his bed and looks at me impatiently.

I nod. It's nice to hear his voice after this long day. I would like to ask him about his father and why he hit him, but I guess he would just get angry.

He sighs as if he's been just sentenced to death. "Fine then." He pushes blankets and pillows on one end of the bed, then begins to pull the mattress from under the coverings, pushing it to the floor. Under it is another mattress. So that's why his bed is so big. "Such a bad luck," he mutters. "Why does it have to be broken today."

"What, why?" I ask. "What's today? Because of Christmas?"

He stops pulling and pushing to take a look at me. _You're not serious are you_ , his eyes ask. "No, not because of _Christmas_." He snorts, pushing the mattress' last corner on the floor. A small notebook falls down along with the mattress and Bakura gasps and sweeps it off the floor. He hides it somewhere below his desk.

"There's no Christmas in this place anyway," I reply, hugging my pillow closer to me. His room is warm, I hear the heater hissing. It's much quieter than mine. Did Bakura and Akefia wished each other a Merry Christmas? Did they exchange gifts? Doesn't it matter to them at all?

"The drunk asshole has some meeting later," Bakura mumbles, looking down, "and you'll be in the way if you sleep in the hall. So," Bakura sighs and scratches his cheek, "you have to stay here for tonight. Lucky me." He pushes the mattress with his foot to me, pushes and pushes it until it's before me, near the door, as far as possible away from his bed.

I drop first my stuff then myself on it. "Uhh," I let out, stretching and moaning. I'm so wrecked. Just want to sleep. Near Bakura tonight! My mind is too clouded to be properly happy about that though. My feet hurt from walking back and forth, my arms and legs are good, my hands hurt too. My headache is gone, but my belly makes noises. Akefia was drunk? Does he always get violent when he drinks?

"Shut it," Bakura says, sitting down on his now lower bed. He takes the controller into his hands and begins to smash and hold buttons. Weird, the controller has a cord attached. Which PlayStation is this? The second one?

"It's just my stomach," I say and turn away. I hope he won't play all night long. I hold my belly and listen to the sounds coming from Bakura's TV. After a while I get up and spread one blanket over the mattress and the other five over myself. It's warm here but I still love to sleep under thick layers. I get cold easily. My stomach doesn't stop to complain and the TV doesn't stop blaring the same song over and over again. Once the song is finished it takes up to 30 seconds before it starts again. What kind of game is this?

I turn around and face Bakura, who's sitting on the floor now with the bed as back support. He has chopsticks in his mouth. He's staring at the screen, moving right and left once in a while, pressing buttons on his controller. The blue pot is at his feet, the lid is half on top of it, the wooden spoon sticks out. I can smell the rice from here. Yummy. Is this all he eats? Just rice?

There's another smell, coming from the spot behind the door. Six bottles of beer stand or lay there, all empty. He drank them all? He doesn't look like twenty-one. I look back at him. No, he's not older than eighteen. Maybe not even that. "How old are you?" I try, but he does not reply. I look at the screen and see his car crash against something. He moans and presses a button, and the game starts again.

"What?" he growls and takes the chopsticks out of his mouth.

"How old are you?"

"Two-hundred and seven."

"Ha-ha. I'm sixteen."

"You look like ten."

I don't know what to say to this and pout. I watch him play, which seems to annoy him, because he throws angry glances at me. He loses again. I run my eyes up and down his hair, admiring the thickness. I'd like to touch it. The song starts to get on my nerves. The mattress he gave me is nice, it's soft but not too soft and my blankets keep me warm and the room is warm, much warmer than mine. I get the hoodie off my body and fold the blankets under my feet and it's so soft, so good for my hurting joints. Sleeping together with someone else in the room makes me feel secure. I could so easily doze off now - if it wasn't for that stupid music!

"Bakura," I wail.

"Shut up."

"Bakura, please turn the sound down a bit, will you? I want to sleep."

"I don't care." He puts the pot in his lap and eats out of it, waiting for the game to load again.

I sit up. I'm not someone you can bully, so much he has to learn. I am a nice person and I help as much as I can, but if you're rude, I'm gonna be rude as well. "Turn it down, please," I repeat but he just shakes his head. He even grabs the remote and turns it up, grinning mischievous with one chopstick between his lips.

That's it. I grab my pillow and throw it against his head, just as he drifts into a curve. Of course he crashes into something again and groans. "What the fuck!" He throws a scowl at me, eyebrows shooting down. "Fuck you!" he exclaims and grabs my pillow that fell half a foot away from him. He throws it back at me but I simply catch it. "Don't you dare do that again!"

"I won't, if you turn the music down!" I say slowly.

"Nope. This is my room and you're not welcome here!"

"Why not?" I grunt and smash the pillow against him. I hit his arm and he twitches but does not lose control over his virtual car this time. _What do you have against me?_

"Fuck off!" he mutters. For a few seconds he continues playing. Then he pauses and grabs my pillow. He looks me in the eyes and says: "I'm gonna keep that." He stuffs the pillow between his back and the bed and continues his race. Goddammit.

"Fine, I don't need it," I say and lay down, turning away. Asshole. It's uncomfortable without a pillow but not the end of the world. If only that music would be quiet! I don't mind a clock, no I welcome it actually, or the sound of rain or wind, but loud noises just make me angry!  
So I sit up again and see him snort a smirk. He's sexy when he smiles like that ,but for now, I just want to snatch that controller out of his hands and smash it against the TV so that it'll shut up!

"Bakura," I begin again. My stomach makes another sound.

"Wha-at?" he sounds.

I turn and grab one of the beer bottles laying there. Ew, it's sticky. "Bakura," I say, "if you don't stop playing or turn it down, I'm gonna use this!" I lift my arm, pretending to haul off, ready to throw.

He doesn't move his head or eyes. "You won't."

"I will."

"You won't."

I won't, he's right. I don't want to actually hurt him. Glass is dangerous. I put the bottle down and see him smirking with the corner of my eye. Fine. If that's what you want! There's other stuff I can throw at you! Quickly I grab some book that lays near me and throw it to him, missing him though. I hit the bed. It was on purpose. I don't want to hurt him, I just want to scare him.

"Hey!" He sits up, my pillow slips from his back to the ground, his eyes glancing at the book that has fallen down next to him and back to me, and he scowls at me again.

I grab the next book and lift it up. "Turn it down. I'm not gonna miss again."

He exhales loudly and puts the controller on the floor. I breathe out. Does he finally comply? But no. Instead of lower volume, I get something dropping on my head; it falls down on my knees. "Ouch, that hurt!" I pick it up, it's the wooden spoon.

"Sissy," Bakura responds.

It didn't hurt as much actually, it's just a small spoon after all. I am not flinching away at pain anyways! It's that idiot sitting in front of me, making those smug faces and not listening to me that makes me tense up! My heart keeps beating faster, my face hurts from frowning. I clench the spoon in my hand - and notice a few rice grains sticking on it.

* * *

My stomach growls, louder than ever and long, about five or six seconds. I feel the hunger physically in me, like hole in my body. Why, why didn't I eat anything? Why didn't I ask Mahad for something? We have so much food left there! I'm an idiot.

It's part of the vacation curse. I am so tensed while being somewhere else, that I forget to eat and drink. Hunger comes with appetite and a meal tastes much better when you're having fun, but when you're constantly on the edge, waiting for your father to flip out because of some triviality, you cannot think of anything else. Sure we have fun on vacations but there's this constant worry buried under all the happy feelings.

I rub my belly. It does not help much. Bakura is looking at me, having paused his game. I feel ashamed and look away. I'm too weak to fight. I throw the spoon at him, but he dodges it and it lands somewhere behind him. Whatever! "Merry Christmas," I mumble and lay down, turn away from him and his noise. You can play your game, I don't care anymore. I'm so weak and feel so ill, I will just fall asleep eventually. Don't you worry.

"Haven't found any cockroaches to eat in the kitchen?" he asks, continuing to play.

"No," I answer. My stomach growls again. "Where would I find something. This house is empty. There's nothing in your fridge, just some old eggs and old milk. What am I supposed to eat, there's nothing there, and I cannot buy anything without money, ugh, I'm gonna starve, ughhh..."

"It's not our chore to get you food," Bakura laughs. "You have to look after yourself!"

"Yeah, I get that now, I'm gonna beg Mahad tomorrow for something, uhuhhh..." The hole in my belly pinches and stabs, traveling up. It all hurts, fuck. How will I survive this. I pull the blankets over my head but my stomach continues crying, I bet Bakura can still hear it.

I hear him pausing the game again, then continuing playing it, then pausing it again. What's wrong? Maybe he'll stop playing it now, oh please, please, please!

"When was the last time you ate?" I hear him asking.

"Why," I utter under my soft fort.

"Ugh, you can't just go one day without food, no wonder your stomach is that loud."

"Two days," I correct him. Okay, I ate that burger and that chicken nugget yesterday but that doesn't count much. Only now I realized it's been two days that I last ate something.

"Two days?" Bakura repeats. He stops his game again. And makes a sound between growling and sighing. I lay still. Don't tell me he actually cares about me being hungry? I hear him move, putting something next to me. "Here," he says. "I was full anyways." He sits back down and turns the sound off, continuing playing.

I sit up, the blankets slide from my head. It's the pot. The pot full with steaming rice! I look at it, then look up at him, back to it, back to Bakura. Is this for real? My heart beats faster again, this time not because of anger. "For me?" I ask.

"I'm full, so I'm gonna throw it away anyways," Bakura mumbles. "Eat it or throw it away, I don't care."

I bet you do. Why would you throw away a perfectly cooked pot of rice, you could still eat it tomorrow. I can't help but smile, observing him for any signs that I am right. He just continues playing and does not crash. He has stuck the chopsticks into the rice and I pull them out. I have no idea how to eat with those. I cross my legs and put the pot in my lap, the warm metal heating me up. Ahh, I could just eat this whole thing! I try to shovel some of that warm whiteness in my mouth but it doesn't really work. The rice crumbles between the wooden sticks. How the heck are those supposed to work?!

Bakura watches me, pressing his lips into a thin line. "You're such a dork," he murmurs and gets up. I get aware of my breathing as he proceeds to sit down in front of me, crossing his legs as well. He seems smaller, younger, now that he's up so close.

"You're not twenty-one yet, are you?" I ask.

He stops in his movement, furrowing his brows. "What is it with you?" he asks, dropping his butt, sitting now.

I shrug. "What's with me? I'm just curious." He grabs the chopsticks out of my hand and picks up the pot from my lap. "Cause there are those beer bottles," I turn my head and arm to them, pointing at them, "but you do not look like twent-" Just as I turn my head back to Bakura, he stuffs my mouth with something. The rice.

"Just shut up, will you," he sighs.

There are certain reflexes and uncontrolled movements that the human body makes. For example, you do not have to think of your heart or your breath all the time, your body takes care of that. You do have to open your mouth and chew for eating though. But in times when you're hungry, like two-days hungry, your instincts will dominate over your mind and you won't have time to think before you act.

That's what happens to me, when Bakura sticks a scoop of that warm, spicy goodness in my mouth. In a matter of two seconds, I have chewed and gulped it down, involuntary. "Ah." My jaw drops open. It was so good, I want more!

Bakura blinks a few times, his eyes flicker and scurry, avoiding mine.

"More, please," I whisper, leaning closer to him.

He obliges and pinches a new gob of rice between the chopsticks and I open my mouth.

I close my eyes when the rice touches my tongue. "Mmm!" Aand it's gone. "More!" I say, meeting eyes with Bakura.

He looks down, frowning. "I'm not your goddamned nanny!" he hisses and puts the pot back into my lap. He gets up and finds the wooden spoon. "Here," he says, dropping it near me, "eat and be silent and leave me the fuck alone!" His voice makes a weird pitch sway. Huffing, he sits down on his bed and continues playing.

There's some dust on the spoon, which I get off by wiping it away with the sleeve of my hoodie. Then I stuff my mouth with the rice, taking way too much but it is so good! My stomach hurts, maybe because I am eating too fast but I don't care. Bakura doesn't look at me. I miss him being close to me, but he was too slow in feeding me. I chew and chew every single grain I find in the pot, until it's empty and I am full.

* * *

Meanwhile Bakura must have either won or lost his game, or maybe he's just sick of playing it, either way, he gets up and turns off the console, then the TV. We're in the dark, only a few lights from outside illuminate the edges and outlines in the room. I am licking the wooden spoon, picking up rice grain by rice grain with my tongue. Dammit, I just devoured the whole pot. My stomach will surely hurt. But for now, I feel warm and safe.

I'm happy. I watch Bakura kick off his pants and socks, then laying down, turning his back to me. His long hair sticks partially out of his blanket. Ruffled thick strands of hair lie all over his pillow. I wold like to climb in his bed and hug him and say thank you. He fed me! He actually helped me! I wonder what Jaden would say to this. Sure, he acts tough, but I guess he's just afraid of showing feelings. Afraid to make friends. Aww, isn't that cute? Don't worry, Bakura, I'm gonna help you lose your fear!

I put the pot with the spoon away, next to the beer bottles. Then I curl under my blankets, satisfied, sated and feeling loved.

* * *

I wake up again, half-way anyways, being on the line between consciousness and dream world. Bakura is talking to someone. Bakura? Why is he in my room? He's calling someone. I drift away again, but his voice brings me back. "I'm not coming," he says. "Cause I'm too tired. Tomorrow, maybe." Who is he talking to? My mouth feels sticky. This isn't my room, is it. I am not laying in my bed. Bakura moves, turning around, putting his phone next to his pillow. I lost my phone. Bakura is beautiful. I'm so tired, so tired. My feet hurt. Why is it smelling like beer.

* * *

 **A/N: Posting this chapter one day too late, oh well. Not like anyone reads this story (yet?). I was just waiting to type up the rice scene already. I hope the intimacy was noticeable. I only used quotation marks in scenes with Bakura and Marik in this chapter but I guess that made the other scenes dull u-u.  
**


	6. Day 09: Happy New Year

**Day 09**

* * *

 _12/31/2015 - Thursday - last day of the year_

* * *

There have been floods after Christmas. The rain just did not want to stop. Our city got lucky though, there was only like one inch of water on the streets. I've been home all the past days, even on Monday.

Cause, guess what, diary? Monday is my free day! It's nice that no one bothered to tell me until I waited half an hour downstairs, bored, wishing I had my phone again. I miss chatting to Ishizu and Yuugi, even my GF's habit of sending way too many heart emojis. I miss playing Candy Crush.  
Then Bakura bolted down the stairs, almost falling over me, cursing at me. He asked 'what the fuck' I was doing here and I explained. He laughed and said that the White Snake is closed on Mondays. Then he went into the kitchen, probably to steal more matches or something else.

Then Jaden showed up and we had a nice day together. He told me what I did wrong with the heater. I turned it up too high too fast and that's when it gives up. I cannot say what, but something changed about him. He got quieter, sadder in a way. He did not mentioned a thing about his new home, but asked a lot of questions about my new life. I asked him three times something along the way of 'and you?' but he shrugged every time. I just let it slide then. I'm not sure if I should pressure him more next time.  
He brought me a few clothing items for which I'm grateful. But on the other hand I won't have a reason to visit Bakura for some time because of that.

Speaking of clothes and Bakura, I did visit him yesterday to collect laundry, just as I promised. He was surprised that I was up for that, then gave me like every single shirt and dirty underwear he could find in his room. That guy has no shame, has he? I had to use the washing machine two times, no three times actually. Once for white stuff only. I'm glad I remember Ishizu telling me about dividing whites and colors.

I hung the clothes in the storage room upstairs, after finding a clothes horse there. They should be dry by today.

After that incident with the rice, I'm now asking Mahad for leftovers after work. I've been stupid, of course he can give me leftovers, there's too much food left anyways. But nothing tasted as good as the rice Bakura made. I hope he makes some again.

* * *

I'm sitting at my desk. Today is New Year's Eve and I'll be all alone again. I call Ishizu every day and I do talk to Mahad and the others at work, but I still feel lonely. I do not have a purpose here. I don't regard working as a reason to stay, I mean yeah, I do have to stay because of Jaden, but actually, if I called Dad and apologized and told him everything, he'd pay Akefia thrice the amount Jaden owns him and then I suppose I could go home.

But no. I know I have to stay. Because of Bakura.

I saw him having blue spots all over his face yesterday and a big one on his arm. I did not say anything, but he noticed I noticed and got angry. It's not my fault that his father beats him up. I wonder why he does that. Is he drunk often? But Bakura drinks too. I see him with beer bottles now and then. Drinking and smoking, being angry with me and insulting me. And I'm still in love. What the fuck, brain.

School starts on the fourth January. It feels weird to know that I won't be there.

I hear a car pulling up. _The_ car. The car of Bakura's friend. I caught his name the other day, he's called Zorc or Zork with an k, I dunno. I guess I must have misheard...? I get up and look outside. Yup, it's him. With other guys inside. They're all yelling Bakura's name, seemingly inebriated. A minute later Bakura jumps out of his window, heading down. I sigh. I wished I could go with him. Are his friends also gay? If they're not, do they know that Bakura is gay?

I put on a hoodie and go outside too.

* * *

There's a park nearby. I have found my routine by now. I get up at ten or eleven, sometimes noon, eat some leftovers from the day before, then work out and go to the park to jog, then shower and clean up, do laundry, call Ishizu or read something. I wished I could clean up Bakura's room or at least the kitchen but I do not feel like the other two guys would welcome this.

I learned their routines as well. Bakura sleeps from three till noon as well, then is either inside and plays games or does I don't now what, or goes out with 'Zork' and/or his other friends. I heard him leaving his room at midnight twice, without Zork picking him up. I don't know when he returned.

There's too much I don't know about him. If only he wouldn't be so hostile!

I sweat like a swine after an hour of running around and make my way back home.

I go the backyard of the club and climb up the fire escape. Bakura is right with using this way, it's faster than going to the front, through the whole club and then upstairs. Of course you have to keep your window unlocked for this.

Just as I reach my window, Zork's car pulls up and Bakura gets out. "See you, faggot!" Zork yells as goodbye and Bakura shows him the middle finger, smirking. The other guy in the car yells something too, I cannot make it out. Bakura climbs up the stairs and sees me, frowning. I vanish inside, having no desire to get yelled at.

I shower, then go upstairs again. Right, maybe the clothes are dry. I go check and most of them are. Go now or wait until everything is dry? I'll just go now. But first I pick some for myself. Jaden left me lots of underwear and socks and shirts, but I do need something warmer as well. I pick a grey hoodie with a skull on it and a dark blue one. I notice some black sweat pants, but as I try them on, they don't fit me. Bakura is thinner than me.

* * *

I collect the rest of the clothes into the cardboard box from my room and bring them to Bakura. It's 4 pm, which means that Akefia is gone and Bakura's door is wide open.

"Hey," I say, going right in. If I ask for permission first, he might close the door in my face.

He's on the bed, surrounded by bottles, watching something on the laptop in his lap. Angry eyes meet mine. "What-" he begins, but interrupts himself. "Ah, thanks." He stops the video on his laptop, then reaches to the cardboard box and I give it to him. I stand there as he goes through his clothes. The bruise on one cheek is still visible, the one on his arm faded to yellow. He looks tired, his hair is tangled. How much beer has he drunk today? I want to hug him.

"There's something missing," he says, staring up at me. He puts the box next to him on the bed.

"I need the box," I mumble, lifting my hands.

He grunts and turns it upside down, making the nicely folded shirts and pants drop and spread out in a messy pile.

"Why did you do that, I folded them for you!" I scold him.

He gives me the box. "You wanted this, right?" Argh, yes, but- "Now where's my sweatshirt with the skull?"

"I took it, sorry, I figured I would have to ask you for new clothes anyways, so-"

"You cannot just take them, _I_ have to tell you what you can take and what not!" He gets up.

"Why does it matter, it's just clothes-"

"It's my stuff! You should be glad I'm giving you anything at all!" He's yelling by now, moving closer to me. "I should better teach you some manners!"

I cross my arms and huff, wanting to slap him. But no, his father is doing that enough to him. Violence is never the solution. "Alright, I get that," I mumble, hoping he will calm down when I speak quietly. My insides feel like on fire though, I want to yell as well. "It was wrong of me to take your things without asking. But you can say that nicer, okay? We could try to get along, yes?" Here, I smile and uncross my arms.

He takes a step back, he's the one crossing his arms now, chuckling. "You're such an idiot."

I stare at him, frowning. "Why am I an idiot?"

"Only idiots think that being nice gets them somewhere." He pauses, waiting for me to understand but I don't. "Fine, just bring me my stuff back, okay?" He closes his eyes for a longer moment, speaking calm. "I let you have some hoodies you can keep. You won't have to ask me every time which ones you can have, the next time when you're washing them."

The next time? "What? I never said I would wash your stuff again!"

"Oh, if you want to keep them, you will have to!" He smirks, tilting his head.

Godfuckdamnfuckit, he's so sexy, stirring my insides all up. My heart picks up its beat, and I am unable to move. "And what if I just don't give you the hoodies back? I have them, why would I need to wash your stuff too to keep mine?"

"Thought you wanted to be ' _nice_ '." He rolls his eyes at the word.

"Well, yeah, but I want you to be nice as well!" I say loudly. It's not so difficult to understand that concept now, is it?!

"Yeah, right, now you want me to be nice too! Counting the score already, right? But I'm not a nice guy, goddammit, I'm not falling for that, will you get that?!" He yells back, lifting his arms.

I don't get him. What score? "Why not?" I step closer.

"Cause it's fake!"

We stare at each other, worlds colliding. I get it then. I am the weird one, always have been. I'm looking for a friend in the wrong place.

If you're the loner at school, you always get left out. You're the last one to be paired up with someone, because no one wants you. I had Yuugi as a partner after he came into our class, but when he is ill or when we have to build a group of more than two people, we look again for someone who sighingly agrees. Only in PE I get picked sort of quickly, because everybody knows I'm good at everything. I'm good at other subjects too, but group-work always translates to 'friends-work' in the others' heads.

Even when you're not very outgoing, you still find yourself looking for a friend constantly, wanting that awful feeling of not belonging to vanish. That's what I'm doing here. Trying to make Bakura my friend. But he has friends already, and does not need another one.

So I step back and look down. "Okay." He drops his arms. I look up. "I get your hoodies."

* * *

When I come back to his room, he has another beer in his hand and his phone at his ear. I don't go too close to him, so he won't know I'm there, but he notices me and motions me inside. Dammit, I wanted to know what the phone call was about, he will surely end it now that I'm near.

However, he does not seem to mind me listening in. "No, I told you, can't come." A pause. "Cause I'm hangover, feeling shit." He moves his legs over the edge of his bed and sits up. "What happened, run out of guys you can fuck?" he snarls, lifting his eyebrows.

 _Guys to fuck?_ Dammit, is that his boyfriend?

Bakura pats the side of his jeans, trying to pull a cigarette out of a pocket, while holding the beer bottle in the same hand, but it does not work. "Ugh, just stop right there, I don't want your money! You must be really desperate, huh." He wedges the phone between his head and his shoulder, then holds the beer bottle with his other hand and uses the free one for the cigarette. "Yeah, tomorrow sounds good."

Money? If the other guy offers him that, he can't be his boyfriend, can he? Or is it meant as a joke? It didn't sound like one.

I'm still standing near Bakura, holding the two hoodies in my arms. I never told or hinted my own homosexuality at him. Maybe he has no clue. He has called me fag and similar things, but that's just something guys do. But then again, he might be better at detecting other gays. He seems to have more experience than I do.

When he finally is done with the call, he takes a swing from his bottle and gets up. "Alright, gimme that," he mumbles. I come closer, smelling the beer and his body odor. I get excited, just by being near him. A strand of his white hair falls from his shoulder and as I give him the clothes, it brushes my hand.

"You need to shower," I say softly.

"Yeah," he answers, pushing the unlit cig between his lips. He turns away and puts the hoodies into his wardrobe. "Wanna come with me?"

"Love too," I reply. He turns around and smirks at me, then moves to another shelf in his wardrobe and looks through it. "How come your hair is white?" I ask into the silence.

"How come you're head is empty?" is his answer.

"Ugh," I groan, "just answer the question." Showering with him. Such a hot idea. Getting, naked, warm water dripping from our bodies, soaping him all up, running my hands over his chest-

"Here." He's standing before my all of a sudden and I twitch, stepping back. I almost don't catch what he hands me: Black hoodies. "Huh, what's with you again? Afraid?" he chuckles. "Don't worry, you're a forbidden fruit anyways."

I go through the hoodies, all black, three of them. "Forbidden fruit?"

Bakura sits back down, lighting up his cigarette with a clicking sound coming from his lighter. "Akefia thinks I'd fuck just every guy who passes me." He looks me up and down. "But you're not my type. Besides-"

"What's your type?"

"Not you." I frown. "Besides," he continues, "you don't shit where you eat. So, now," he gets up, shooing me away, "that's enough conversation for today with you little shit." We move to the door.

Getting desperate, because our meeting suddenly runs short, I open my mouth and try to think of something to say. "What do you mean by that? You don't shit where you eat? What's your type? What's with your hair now? Bakura, eh, I-"

He pushes me out, then slams the door shut. Sigh. I disagree. There's never enough conversation with you.

* * *

Workday today. It's Thursday, but then again it's New Years Eve, so I expect a lot of horny guys. I am right.

I help Mahad in the kitchen as usual, help Mai at the front, bring the girls a dozen of various cigarettes brands and clean and clean and clean.

I have figured my pattern at work as well. I take my time, peel the fruits and vegetables less hasty, but I got quicker and I'm a bit proud of that to be honest. Mahad seems nicer, even cracks a joke now and then. Or maybe it's me, who gets the jokes now. Who would have thought that nine out of ten cooking conversations deal with butt and dick jokes? Everything has a joke-name: french fries are either 'french dicks' or 'apples', parsley is 'mary-jane' because of the resemblance to marijuana, and any white sauce is bukkake, to name a few.

I take my break around nine, because that's the time when Bakura goes up to the roof. I sit at my desk and continue my diary, having the curtains opened wide. I feel like the diary is the only thing keeping me sane here. Without a computer or TV to distract myself, I can only rely on Jaden's comics but I have read them all five times at least, so I find myself returning to it.

There, I hear his window opening. Hear him jumping onto the metal, hear him coming up, see a bit of his white head. He passes my window and I wave at him. Of course he pretends not to see me.

What's with all this strong defense? Yeah okay, he might not need another friend, but why be so aggressive? Why not try to profit from each other? Am I the weird one here, really? ' _Counting the score already_...' What's that supposed to mean.

* * *

I go back to work. One of the girls has her birthday today, and it gets announced through Mai. She handles a microphone now and then to announce some extra menu special or similar things. The girl in question is 'Lexi'. The guys yell obscenities at her, birthday wishes and most importantly, money. She rocks her body against the pole and throws back her long blonde hair, winking and laughing.

Lexi is not her real name, it's Christine. All the girls have stage names, to separate themselves mentally from their work I guess. The show up on stage it's what is it: Just a show. As 'Lexi' takes a break after four songs, her friendly attitude drops.

I am cleaning glasses for Mai as Christine steps up to the bar.

"Why did you do that," she hisses. The only guy sitting at the bar ogles her up and down, nodding and smirking for himself.

"Sorry?" Mai leans closer.

"Telling the whole room my birthday." Christine grabs her hair and pushes it behind her shoulders, then places her hands on her hips.

Mai's face is calm. She does not stop handling me glasses to clean, being undisturbed by Christine's anger. "I won't do it next time," she says finally, giving me the next glass. I have slowed down, distracted by their conversation and pick up my pace again.

"Yeah, you better not!" Christine says loudly, pointing a finger at Mai, and her chin too. "I don't need those freaks knowing anything about me, least I need is another stalker!"

"Yes, alright," Mai begins, but the other girl is not done.

"If!" she says, throwing her finger again in Mai's direction, "If I get another balding white Knight tryin' to 'save' me, you'll answer to him!"

"Fine, I will," Mai says slowly and with emphasis, giving me next glass.

Christine takes a few seconds to stare at her, then balances away on her high-heels. Phew. What was that? I relax my shoulders and can concentrate on cleaning again.

Mai shakes her head, not looking at me. "It's not good if she comes at me like that in front of a customer," she says quietly, so said customer won't hear her.

I nod. Yeah, they have to keep up their act. The silence feels awkward, so I think of a question. "How did you know her birthday?"

Now she turns her head to me. "There's a calendar in the first toilet room." She means the toilets in the girl's bathroom, not the ones for the customers. "Haven't you noticed?"

"Ah, well, yes, now that you said it."

She nudges me and I look at her. "Put your birthday in, too."

"Okay," I say.

* * *

We have a countdown at midnight. A special countdown. Ten girls stand up on the stage and on every count - _ten! nine! eight! ..._ \- one girl removes her bra, leaving her almost naked. Only the nipple covers hide the little bit dignity they are allowed to keep. Then we have 2016 and Mai pops the campaigner, giving me a glass to drink too. It tastes quite good, I like the bubbles in my throat.

I asked Mai the other day why the strippers are never seen fully naked. Not that I would want to see them naked. She told me, that in strip clubs you either get fully naked girls but no alcohol, or the other way round. Akefia decided to serve alcohol because it brings in the most money, therefore the girls have to cover their nipples and private areas.

After work I go to Bakura. I mean, I go to the bathroom there, even if I don't need to. I have a sink upstairs but I prefer to try my luck, sometimes I catch him being in the bathroom, or warming himself some food or getting a beer out of the fridge. I'm pathetic, aren't I? But he's the only person in my age and gender around here. I want to talk to him. I need to.

There's beer in the fridge. I could steal one and make him come upstairs to get it back. But that's mean, also it could be Akefia's beer. It's a wonder they don't steal each others alcohol given how well they don't get together. But then I notice that it's Heineken beer, and not those cheap bottles Bakura uses to buy. So it's Akefia's beer and taking one would be practically suicide.

I close the fridge and walk upstairs. I turn on the heater and eat the chicken salad left-overs Mahad gave me. I listen to the heaters sound, feel the warmth spreading. Jaden's words tumble into my mind: _If you turn it up too high, too fast, it will give up on ya! Only turn it up to the middle, then wait a bit, 'ight? But even then, in the winter it fails like once a week!_

It's been six days since the heater failed. Since I had to sleep over in Bakura's room. Since he was actually nice and let me have some of his food.

I get up and turn the heater up to the very end of it. And yes, it makes the gurgling sound.

A little while later I go down with my blankets and pillow. I cannot hear Akefia, apparently he's out. I had expected Bakura to leave the door open, but maybe he only does that when Akefia is out in the daytime. Whatever.

I knock, no answer. Yeah, that's not new. So I knock again, and again, no answer. "Bakura!" I say.

But this time something's different. Usually, I do hear something, like the faint sound of him hitting the buttons or gulping the beer. Maybe he's on the roof? Oh yeah, that could be it. He'll come down soon. I will try in a few minutes again.

I return upstairs and decide to shower. I'm sore from today. I get new clothes and go downstairs, still not hearing a thing. Weird. Both, Akefia and his son are gone. Are they out together? But why would they. No, that can't be it.

I shower and put on the jogging pants, dry my hair and go back to standing before Bakura's door. I have looked at that animal-calendar poster like a dozen times now. 1994. Why 1994? It's long gone.

I hear the window move. Is he going in or out? "Bakura!" I yell quickly and knock, because he might be on the very edge of leaving.

"What?" he groans.

"The heater is broken!" I say, trying to sound earnest. I mean, it is the truth. But I made it go broken on purpose.

"Fuck you and your heater!"

Ugh. "Just give me the mattress please!" I say.

I hear him making noise, throwing stuff around, then a long sliding sound, surely the mattress. He stops, then steps to the door, opening it. "You know what," he says, stopping when he sees me. That's right, I'm half-naked again and wet. But hold on, he's half-naked as well. He runs his eyes over me and I grin, doing the same. He frowns, snorts and crosses his arms over his chest. "You can carry that fucking mattress on your own!"

"With pleasure!" I say, passing him, brushing him with my arm to which he grunts. It's nice to know that my bare upper half still makes him confused. But it's not that nice that he isn't willing to do any single thing for me, not even drop a mattress from his bed to the ground.

But as it turns out, it is a good opportunity for me to show my strength. I drag the half-hanging mattress out in one motion and hold it in the air. It is heavy, but possible. I turn around slowly, not to knock anything over in his over-crowded room and let it fall on the floor.

He rolls his eyes at my act, then steps to it and pushes it further away from his bed. "Can't you put on some clothes?" he grunts.

"I could," I answer, watching him, examining his slender waist, his shoulder blades, that bruise on his neck- "What's that?" I ask, stepping closer. I acted before thinking again.

"What?" He turns around and steps away. He sniffs and sneezes, pushing me aside with his hand on my chest to get some tissues. He blows his nose into it. "Fuck off, Marik," he says while holding it before his face.

He actually said my name. I feel strangely proud. "Why, I just-" Then I realize that it must be a hickey. Yeah. Why would there be a bruise on his neck anyway? How could someone get hurt there? It's a hickey, made by his lover, someone who is allowed to touch and kiss him. He still cleans his nose and does not pay attention to me. "I'll go and get something to put on," I mutter, not caring if he has heard me or not.

* * *

I put on one of the sweatshirts Bakura gave me and go back down. I hear him rumbling in the kitchen and see the mattress in the hall. "Hey," I step into the kitchen, "why is the mattress out here?"

Bakura puts the piece of cheese out of his mouth. "Cause you're gonna sleep there."

"Why can't I sleep in your room?"

He stares at me, as if I asked him to marry me. Okay, okay, maybe it comes of a bit too stalkerish to want to share a room with a stranger. "Your room is so warm! I don't feel well sleeping in the hall," I explain. "Also, your father is out and will come back while I am laying there. What if he brings company along?"

He looks to the side, pressing his lips together. "Fuck, okay," he mumbles and put the cheese back into his mouth. "I fucking hate you!" he goes back inside and I follow him, pushing the mattress with my foot. Yey! Another night with Bakura!

He sits down and eats his cheese, turning on the TV. No sound is heard. He grabs his mobile and begins typing. I push the mattress as far as I dare into his room, then close the door. "Turn the lock," Bakura says and I do so. Huhu, locked inside a room with him? Exciting! He has put on a shirt again but I still look him up and down again.

"Done staring?" he asks, not moving his eyes from the screen.

I chuckle and sit down. Look at the books on the floor near me. School books? Hm, I never seen him do homework, but well, we have holidays. Maybe his teacher wasn't so mean as mine, giving us like hundred pages to read! Alright, actually we had to read fifty pages of it already, which I did, but the other's didn't so he told us again- and whatever. Four days after tomorrow school starts again and I won't be there.

No, wait. It is already January the 1st! We have 2016! At the realization of that, I perk up and Bakura notices. He puts his phone away and looks at me. "Happy new year, Bakura!" I say, feeling awkward.

He stares at me, letting out a laugh through his nose. "You're serious?"

I nod. He makes me sad. His whole act makes me sad. Why can't he be positive? Just smile for once! Your life can't be _that_ miserable, can it?

He looks back at me. "What are you? Some suburban rich kid, trying to show his parents that he doesn't need them? Why the fuck are you here?" He stares at me like I am a grey alien, having suddenly appeared in his room. The question seems so weird, as it comes over a week too late. Yeah, I never introduced him my story, but why would I have! He treated me like a bag of scum, I barely could tell him my name! But he has remembered it. And he fed me rice. I shouldn't be too hard on him.

"I'm not rich," I say slowly, waiting for him to interrupt me and tell me he doesn't want to know anyways. But he does not, so I speak on. "Yeah, I ran away from home, that's right." At this sentence, he looks up, rolling his eyes. "My Dad is terribly strict, never letting me go outside. My sister, Ishizu thought she was pregnant and he slapped her, telling her she has to abort the baby, so she ran away. I-"

He interrupts me with another snort. "I knew it."

"I was sneaking outside," I continue, talking louder. "Dad saw my empty room and told me to go back or I'm grounded for a year or so. He said if I wouldn't come back in the next hour, I wouldn't have to come back ever." I still remember the message, see the letters before my eyes.

"Yup, and that's when little Marik noticed his life is only to ninety-nine percent perfect, so he had to go out and fix it! Hollywood should buy the story and make a trilogy out of it!" He makes big eyes, raising his eyebrows.

I stare at him and I don't know what to say. There's no reason to mock me! How can you make fun of this! "I asked Jaden if I could stay at his place and he let me. Then someone robbed him and he owns your father a whole lot of money, so I took over for him in exchange for his safety."

"Don't!" Bakura closes his eyes, frowning. "Don't call him this."

"Huh?"

"Don't call him my father. Call him Akefia."

I blink. "Alright. Why?"

"Just. Just do it, okay?" He laughs.

I nod. And frown. "If you tell me your age."

"What?"

"I'll never call him your father again, if you tell me how old you are!"

Bakura exhales through his nose, I see his chest flattening. He grabs one of his legs and bends it sideways, making himself comfortable sitting crossed-legged. "I'm sixteen," he says.

I smile. Same age as me! "Me too!" I say cheerfully.

He holds eye contact and shakes his head at me, unbelieving. "Why are you so..."

"What?"

"I don't know. Happy, I guess?"

"Why aren't you happy?" I ask back.

He shuts his mouth. "You think you're gonna stay here for a year?"

I nod. "Yeah." He keeps staring so I add: "But you don't seem to believe that, do you."

He chuckles, making his chest and head move for a second. "Yeah, why would you stay here in this mess."

I watch him, unsure what to say. "It doesn't have to be a mess," I reply then.

He stares back, furrowing brows. The TV shoots colors on his face and changes them. His expression stays.

It's evident here, between the lines of this conversation. Our worlds are too different, _we're_ too different. Who is he? Who am I? We're as contrary in personalities as in appearance. He's pale and thin, smoking one cig after the other, fighting with his Dad while I am tanned and working out, having a healthy body and mind. And yet he draws me in, making me curious.

"You're gay?" I ask, clinging onto the one thing we have in common.

"Gayer than you could imagine," he answers in a deep voice. I love it.

"Me too," I whisper.

He smirks, creating a small wrinkle in the corner of his mouth. "I know." He looks me up and down. "Everyone seeing you coming a mile away knows."

"Jaden did not!" Dammit, I knew I am obvious! I mean, really, how can all those girls not notice? I am mad and yet relieved. Mad, not because I am very obviously gay, no, I _want_ to be very obviously gay! I want all the girl to back away. And I am relieved, because finally someone understands me! Finally, someone, who sees my gayness and flirts with me, plays with me, someone I can talk to, someone I can make out with...?

Bakura's still smirking, eyebrows up. That _is_ flirting, right? I am too shy though, too caught up in the moment so my face looks probably very stupid. "Jaden's not much into sex," Bakura says, uncrossing his legs, standing up. He goes to his desk.

Not much into sex? How would he- "What, you made him an offer, or how do you know?"

"Eh, let's leave it like that," Bakura mumbles. He goes back to his bed with a notebook and a pen. He lays down on his stomach and begins to write. Don't tell me, you're having a diary! But maybe it's something for school. I don't dare to ask. I'm happy for now, this was the most pleasing conversation I ever had with him!

I lay down as well, covering myself up and watching him. I hear him writing, he's fast; eyes concentrating onto the page. What is he writing? His phone buzzes and he takes a few seconds before stopping writing and getting his phone. He scrolls, reads, and types something. Ugh, I wanna have a phone as well. I look up to his wall. There's a poster hanging, I cannot make out what is it, it's something drawn. I'm tired. "And happy Christmas, Bakura," I say quietly. "Happy new year and happy Christmas."

He looks up. "Shut up." And continues writing. Sure, I'll shut up. I'm glad for our conversation today.

I drift away into sleep. Feeling secure in his room.

* * *

 **A/N: Yey, 2 reviews! ^^3 Complaining helps after all! Did you really read so many words up till chapter three? Oh my!**

 **I cut the first Day into three parts, so it's a bit better to read now. I hope I don't got you confused. Day 02 and Day 03 are without changes.**


	7. Day 14: Actions, not words

**Day 14**

* * *

 _1/5/2016 - Tuesday_

* * *

I wake up with a dream of my Mother still in my mind. Rishid, Ishizu and I played outside in our garden, then our Mother came, dressed in white and we all ran to her; Rishid and Ishizu reached her and fell into her arms, only I did not. I ran and ran but I never reached her.

I still feel bad for losing my only picture of her.

* * *

It feels weird to write a new year into the corner of my diary. 2016. Every year the same weird feeling. There's another weird feeling, something I rarely experienced; the feeling of not being in school when I have to.

Today is the second day of school after winter break. Everybody got up early today and went back to the old grey building, Yuugi and Sarah, Micah and the others. But not me. I have always felt bad for missing school, even if it was only one day, even when I lay in the bed unconscious with 104°F. And now I will miss it for one whole year. Yeah, I repeat myself. But this is still so huge for me.

Last night, I stumbled in the hall downstairs, over the rug on the floor. The lights still don't work and it annoys me every time I try to turn them on. I am tired of it. So I asked Mai if I could get a bulb for it and she told me, I should ask Akefia, but she gave me worrysome look. I know why, I don't dare to ask Akefia if I may breathe in his presence, I surely won't ask him if I can get a light bulb. Even if it's for his own home!

But he does not care and Bakura does not care. I will just get one, chances are he won't even notice it.

I find one in the storage room next to mine. It seems like there's everything I need, if I just search for it. I use one chair from the kitchen to stand on and exchange the old bulb with the new one. It is still early, not even noon, and Bakura and Akefia are sound asleep.

No, no, Bakura is awake, he's at school. His winter break must be over too.

After fixing the light in the hall I feel compelled to do more. I could clean the kitchen a bit! Throw out the old eggs and milk, dust off the cupboards!

I go to the bathroom and look for a cloth to use. I find an old rag, I doubt someone uses it. After two hours my energy is drained, but the kitchen looks much better now! All shelves and counters are fresh and clean, old cans and boxes I threw away, the toaster and the coffee machine are sparkling and the pans and ladles hanging on the wall do too. Plus, now I know where everything is: I found the box with the rice, a muffin baking tin, cocoa powder, plastic gloves, matchboxes, and other useful things.

I feel more secure day by day. Knowing where what is gives me more of a 'home' feeling here.

* * *

I work out a bit, then grab some clothes and go downstairs to shower. It's after 2 pm, which means that Akefia is probably outside and Bakura must be too, he must be at school. But no. I hear someone shutting the fridge. Is it Akefia?

"Marik?" It's Bakura. Hah, it's nice that he uses my name all of a sudden.

"Yes?" I go to him to the kitchen, meet him in the door frame as he walks out. As usual, his hair is a mess and he smells a bit. "You weren't at school?"

He looks at me as if he only now remembered that such a thing exists. "School? Pff, no. On the first few days? Are you kidding," he mutters, passing me. "You need to shower."

Huh, didn't I used those words a few days ago? Or is it just a coincidence, that he said them? Either way, I use the answer he gave me: "Wanna come with me?"

But he is already gone, vanished into his room. Shutting the door. Wait, weird. Didn't he want to say something to me? I guess he didn't call me to tell me that I need to shower.

I know, I should just let him be but I need him to talk to me. "Bakura!" I say loudly. No answer. "Bakura, I found rice in the cupboard, may I cook it?"

He's doing something, I hear him opening a drawer or a door. "No!"

"Okay, thanks," I mumble.

Dammit. I need money. I'm about to turn away and go to the bathroom as I hear him clear his throat and stop in my tracks. "You do get food from Mahad now, don't you?" Aww, you're worried?

I turn back to his door. "Yes."

"What do you need the rice for then?"

"I'd like to eat something else for once."

More rustling, then he opens up. "Fine, you can have the rest," he sighs, passing me without a second glance. He closes the bathroom door behind himself.

I hear him turning on the water. "Hey, _I_ wanted to take a shower!"

"Said the slowpoke!"

Dammit!

But wait. He left the door to his room open. I sneak in, well, is it sneaking? I came down to shower and he went in before me. It's not a big crime when I sit on his bed and wait. There's a book on his bed, it's a school book. Spanish. He's learns Spanish? I chose German, because it's one of the most important languages in Europe.

Alright. Now, it isn't the first time I'm in his room and I know it is messy and dusty and normally I respect other peoples homes but please: There's a soda bottle laying on the floor, some drops have come out, creating a sticky splash. And next to it, a deck of cards have fallen over, almost meeting with the splash. Ew.

I stand up and set the bottle upright, then I collect the cards and put them on his desk. There are books on it, pencils, chocolate, papers, CDs, coins, hair ties, matches- Ugh, I can't look at that. I put the books together and stick some of the pencils into the pencil holder after I remove used napkins out of it. Then I get the rag and clean the floor from the soda spill.

I already feel better.

* * *

"Marik!"

I knew he wouldn't approve.

He storms out of his room, searching me. "Marik!"

"Here." I'm in the kitchen, cleaning some plates I found in a cupboard. They're big, they could come in handy for pizza.

He comes to me, wet, only dressed with a towel around his waist. It's a cliche, but it still works on me. Can't keep my eyes from him, wishing for the towel to drop. "The fuck you were doing with my desk? Stay the fuck out of my room!"

If I would get one dollar for every time the word 'fuck' comes out of his mouth... I would have a decent income. I sigh and lift my hands. "Sorry, I just sat down cause you went showering but I saw a bottle spilling cola on your floor-"

"I don't care!"

"...aand I picked it up and cleaned the floor. Is that really that bad?" I chuckle softly.

"Yes, it is!" He bares his teeth and comes closer, leaning his arm against the cupboard next to his head. "Leave everything just as it is!" There's no hair in his armpit, just drops of water running down, and down his neck, his chest. He smells like shampoo, his hair is puffy. While I still haven't showered yet and can smell myself.

"Okay, yes, sorry," I mumble. "It was wrong. But look at the kitchen!" I smile. "Look how clean it is! And I changed the light bulb in the hall! Now that's good, right?"

He opens his mouth and sighs loudly. "No. This isn't your home." He let's his arm fall to his side and comes closer. "You have no right to change anything! Don't you get that?"

"Well, I live here now so it _is_ my home as well!" I say, staring into his eyes.

"It's not! You're being selfish!"

"Selfish?! I did something useful, something good, I cleaned it up and this is all the thanks I get for it?! Awesome, really!"

"No one would thank you for turning everything upside down, you-"

"Upside down? I freaking cleaned this whole disgusting room so one would finally dare to eat something here and you-"

"Well no one asked you to! And it wasn't disgusting, you're just so stuck up in your own ass, you don't understand real life!"

We're yelling by now. Standing close to each other, me looking up, he looking down; jaws tight, eyes locked, standing upright and not moving away one bit.

"'Real life'? What is 'real life'?" I ask, speaking calmer now, but still fiercely. "Sitting in a dark room, drinking beer all day? Smoking on the roof? What's more 'real' about that, than me cleaning the kitchen?"

"You just don't understand," he hisses.

"Then explain it to me!" I yell, moving hands and arms away in a big motion. "Unless you have no idea what you're talking about either!"

He takes a step to me, the last step possible, because now he's touching his forehead with mine, breathing his exhale on my face. I'm baffled, never expecting him to do such a thing. I breathe quicker, my heart feels like it dropped into my stomach. His head is warm, his eyes still stare into mine. He's so near, as never before. His lips are only an inch away. "Try to change anything in this house again and you're dead," he says, voice low, making me feel every syllable on my face.

At first I don't get his words, because I'm occupied with everything else of him, unable to stop staring into his eyes, wanting to touch him. His a bit bigger than me, maybe three inches. "What?" I stutter, but then remember the message. _Don't change anything._ I push him away, aware of my flushing face. "What?! You sound like Akefia!"

He purses his lips. "I'm not like him," he says, still using his low voice.

I don't know what to say, gulp down the words forming in mind: _Yes, you are like him, threatening other people and hitting them._

He stares at me for another moment, then steps away, leaving wet footprints in the kitchen I am not allowed to clean.

* * *

By work time I have calmed down.

The prospect of Bakura getting violent with me makes me afraid. Not afraid of getting physically hurt, but him being capable of doing that. It changes my whole image of him. From the poor emo boy who's misunderstood to a violent asshole, who's not any different from his father. Mistakes being repeated.

I am not like my father am I? I don't try to control people, no I don't. Just wanted to clean the kitchen, goddammit!

I clean the girl's dressing room and notice Sarah being there tonight. Not all girls show up every night, but most of them come five days the week, because otherwise they would have to pay the club money. I don't get this kind of system but whatever. Sarah is thinner than ever, bones almost poking through her skin. I cannot look at her, it makes me physically ill.

As Anzu comes in at nine, I decide to take my break in the girl's room. No Bakura tonight. I should leave him alone, maybe Jaden is right. Maybe I should leave him alone forever. Anzu has good mood, as usual and we sit down for a cup of tea, which I get from the kitchen.

"How are you?" Anzu asks, sipping from her cup. "Settled in well?"

I nod. "Yeah. Working is hard, but it's a break from school, so..."

She laughs. "Right right, I hated school as well in your age."

We sit at the table near the phone, which I already cleared for the third time tonight. Sarah comes out of the bathroom, disrupting us temporary. She puts on the last part of tonight's outfit - her high-heels - then totters out.

Anzu looks after her, waits until she is out of sight, then sighs loudly. "Oi, that girl."

"Yeah," I say.

"I can't say I wasn't jealous of her getting thinner, but now...! She's just bones now, hah. It's terrible."

"Yeah." I sip my tea.

"She just wants to show off, I mean, who would want such a anorexic girl anyways," Anzu continues, voice increasing. "Men want curves and boobs to grab onto!" She smirks and nudges me. "Right?"

I gulp down too fast and start to choke, so I cough.

"Ohh, sorry!" Anzu hits my back a few times and I sit up straight again.

Anzu seemed nice before, but now she is making me feel guilty. "Thanks."

"Hmm, it's weird, you haven't seen a lipstick laying around here? I looked in every corner but I cannot find it."

"A lipstick?" I vaguely remember one laying around but I cannot recall when or where I saw it. I shake my head.

"Too bad. I bet Tina took it. Or Lexi." She frowns and puts her head on her palm.

It's weird that she keeps calling Christine by her stage name but uses Tina's real one. What would my psychology teacher say to this? Is she thinking that Christine is fake? That she's more 'Lexi' than 'Christine'? But to be honest, I am not fond of Christine either, so maybe Anzu is right.

"And what do you think of Bakura?" All of a sudden Anzu's eyes drill into mine, her lips about to tilt into a grin. Fuck. Does she know? Does she know I'm gay?

"Um, he's nice," I say slowly, then frown. No, wait. Why did I say that? "I mean, he's okay. He's aggressive and I don't understand why, but... Er, I just try to leave him alone." It's not a lie, I will try to leave him alone now.

"Uhu." Anzu bends her neck, not shifting her eyes from me, making me feel like I'm in an interrogation.

"And I don't see him very often," I add, feeling pressured to do so.

She sits up and takes a sip from her tea, still having her eyes on me while drinking. "Do you have a girlfriend?" she asks.

Ha! "Yes!" I say. It was too fast. But it is true, I do have a girlfriend. Kind of. Maybe.

She frowns. "Hmm. Really?" Again, she supports her head with her hand.

"Yes."

"Okay." Her eyes finally leave mine alone.

We sit there in silence for a bit and I drink my cup empty, because I have nothing more to say. I could start a new topic but I don't dare. Anzu looks at me again, sipping her tea slowly. In ten minutes my break is over, fortunately! What's with that woman suddenly trying to pinpoint my sexuality?

"You know, you can tell me everything," she smiles. "I'm not dumb, I thought I was letting you just say it yourself."

I exhale loudly. Goddammit, fine. She's right. What am I afraid of? I close my eyes and say: "Alright, okay. I'm gay."

She lifts her eyebrows up and sucks her lips in, smiling. "Heh, I knew it. Don't worry, your secret is safe with me!"

Is it though? This doesn't feel right. I feel humiliated. Why do I have to be ashamed of my sexuality? I felt so free around Bakura, never minding to speak my mind.

I lie to Anzu and tell her that I have to go. I don't feel right in her presence. It was wrong to tell her the truth. I go to Mahad and help him. The potatoes don't mind if a straight or gay person peels them.

* * *

Later, near the end of the evening, I go and check the customer's bathroom, because I have nothing else to do for now. I hope it is empty, but no, there's one door locked, someone's inside. I check the other stalls and clean them up a bit, but it's all fine yet. The guy is still inside, not doing his deed. At least I don't hear or smell anything. Alright, out I go again. I stay close and wait for him to get out, but he doesn't.

Weird, right? A waitress, Dotty, passes me and asks me what the heck is wrong. I tell her. "Could be passed out," she whispers. "Go get Joe and Mick!"

I go to the front and tell Mai, who tells me the same. I go to the entrance and tell the bouncers - Joe and Mick - about it. Joe and I go back to the toilet stalls. Joe asks and bangs against the door, but there's no answer. He tells me to step aside and kicks the door open. Woah, that guy is strong! I feel weak besides him.

He grabs the thin, unconscious man under his arms, who wakes up half-way on the way out. He had something white above his upper lip. A junkie? I go back to the cabin he was in and yeah, there's white powder on the toilet's tank lid. Cocaine or something that, I guess. Uh, I better not touch it.

I clean it up with a soaking wet cloth and throw that cloth away afterwards.

* * *

Later again, the girls are getting dressed, there aren't many customers out tonight anyways. I'm happy we can close a bit earlier, but then I remember that I won't see Bakura tonight, so it's no use. I _could_ see him, I _could_ change my mind, but I decided I will leave him alone. Tonight.

When I walk into the dressing room I see Anzu grinning. Another girl is grinning at me and a third yells "more gays in this strip club then straights!" and laughs as well. I stop in my motion and look at her, unsure if I am meant. I heard that a lot of the girls here are lesbians, well, more than the average one out of ten anyways.

"Yeah, right," I say.

"Don't fall for Bakura though, he's dangerous!" the same girl continues. I don't know her name. She's Japanese, like Anzu, but her eyes are more prominent than the other girl's.

I frown and huff. "Thank you very much, Anzu!" I say. So much for keeping it a secret! - And I didn't even think of it as a secret, I have nothing to hide! Usually. But maybe I should start doing this from now on! I go to the table and collect the empty cigarette packages into the garbage bag.

"Aww," I hear Anzu make. She comes behind me and puts her hands on my shoulders. "Aw, come on. It was just- We just started talking and Tokyo here said you are gay, and Green and Tina said no and I said yes, so it developed into a bet and-"

"I understand." I brush her off and glance at the others, who started talking about something else already. I'm not that angry actually. Or am I? I feel betrayed by Anzu but I am not sure why. 'Tokyo'? 'Green'? Again with the stage names for the others except Tina. They must be best friends.

"You're angry?" Anzu asks softly, but I don't buy her act.

"No," I say. Not angry. Disappointed. I walk out, not cleaning the room any further for tonight.

* * *

Mai is closing her bar, putting the last glasses in cupboards and putting the money into a small metal box. I help her with the glasses. I notice her resting her eyes longer on my face, I guess I must still look angry or something.

"You alright?" she asks.

I shrug. "Anzu made a bet with the other's if I'm gay or not, then pressuring me to spill it out."

Mai makes a disapproving sound.

Yeah, Anzu just _pretended_ to be nice! I knew something was off but I couldn't tell what. "I feel so dumb!"

"It happens, don't worry too much about it," Mai says. "Nothing here stays a secret for too long anyways."

I look up at her. "That's the point! I didn't even wanted it to be a secret, but she made it sound like it was something I have to be ashamed of! I don't want to feel like this, but she-"

Mai shakes her head and touches my arm, cutting me off. "You are right, there's nothing you should be ashamed of."

I relax my shoulders, being unaware I had tensed them up. "Thank you," I mumble.

We finish closing the bar and walk out of it. Mai wipes the counter with a rag for a last time. I feel the need to say more about it, but I am not sure if Mai wants to hear it. I don't want to annoy her with my problems.

"How could I be wrong so much about her," I then say.

Mai turns to me. "You're still new here," she smiles. "But you're doing good. Don't mind what people say about you. People will _always_ talk, no matter what you do. You can be the most perfect person possible and they will still find something they don't like."

I listen and nod. She's right. "Thank you," I say. I still feel pathetic but at least I am understood now.

* * *

I go upstairs and get the rice box from the cupboard. Bakura told me I may cook it. He cannot take it back now and even if he does, I don't care. I am upset for some stupid petty thing and need to do something to make myself feel better. If it was still day I would have gone out for a jog, but it's late, almost two, so I rather randomly cook something.

The box is teared of at the part where the cooking instructions are but it's just rice, it can't be that hard.

I put some water in a saucepan, put it on the stove and pour the rice in. Let it boil on a low flame and stir occasionally.

The apartment door opens, it's Bakura. "Come in," he says, but it's not to me. He's not alone. I hear the rustling noises of two people. Bakura glances at me and frowns. I stare back. Yeah, cooking your rice, got a problem with that?

Another boy comes in; brown hair, same age. Our eyes meet shortly, then he follows Bakura to his room. "Dat that fly you told me 'bout?"

"Yeah, just ignore him," Bakura says. Then the door closes and their voices are gone.

Fly? What's that supposed to mean. But it means that Bakura told him about me, talked about me. Mentioned that weird gay freak living above him, who steals his rice and annoys him to death. I sigh over my pot, stirring slowly. Hm, could that boy be his boyfriend, the one he talked with at the phone?

The rice doesn't want to get done, so I turn up the heat and let it boil for a half minute, then turn it off again, stirring some more. I bet I'm doing it wrong. But rice is one of those dishes that still taste, even when you completely ruined them. Like boiled eggs, pancakes- Ahh, haven't had pancakes for a long time!

A bit later I have overcooked the rice. It's a nasty mush now, all the grains have joined together to a gob. Ew. Dammit. Turns out I suck at cooking. Oh well, next time I try it differently then.

I sit down with the rice and french fries and mozzarella sticks Mahad gave me. It's a lot and it makes me happy in some way. With a clean kitchen and self-cooked food I feel a whole lot better. As I eat, I hear Bakura's door opening up again, hear the two laugh.

"Shoulda put a squirrel or sumthing in her desk, lol!"

"Yeah, right? Now that everybody locks their desks I come up with so many good ideas," Bakura grins. Aw, cute.

The other boy looks at me and I look away and continue eating. I sit sideways to the door so I have to turn my head if I want to look at them. When I look straight, I only notice big movements. The taste of rice and french fries doesn't quite fit and it slows down my appetite. They still talk about school and things I don't understand, then the boy finally goes.

"Oh, ya comin' tomorrow?" he asks, being already on the stairs, as the sound of his voice indicates.

"Yeah, I guess. Zorc's coming too." Bakura yells back.

"Kay, I guess I'll be too! Bye, Kura!"

"Bye, Joey!"

Joey, huh. I have not finished my meal. It's too much, but I want to finish the last few french fries. The bowl with the rice is half full yet, but I'm not gonna eat it. Sadly I have I ruined it and will throw it away.

Bakura closes the door and comes to me. He stands a few feet away and stares at me. So much I can tell from my peripheral vision.

What are you looking at? I sit up, rest my back against the chair and turn my face to him. "What?"

He comes to the table and glances at the rice. "Yuck."

"Yeah, yeah, I boiled it too much," I say, grabbing three french fries and putting them at once in my mouth.

I don't pay attention to him, but he still looks at me. Why? "You should watch out for Anzu," he says, then turns and steps away.

"Yeah, I know!" I huff and get up. I collect the plates and the cup. So much for not talking to him tonight.

Bakura stands in the door frame, looking back. "Did something happen?"

"What do you care." I go to the sink and open the tap, let water run over the dishes. Why is he mentioning her though?

"I do not," Bakura says, coming back to me. He crosses his arms before his chest. "I'm just curious. She say something to you?"

"Did! ' _Did_ she say something to you'!" I say.

"Mm, yeah, hanging out with Joey kind of makes me forget grammar," he mumbles.

I look at him, surprised he wasn't mad at me for correcting him.

"So what did Anzu say to you?"

"Why do you think she did?"

"Cause I just met her on the way in. Told me I 'should be lucky cause you're one of my kind'."

"Ugh. I hate her." I scrub the plates furiously.

"So... What did she...?" Bakura inches closer to me.

"Okay, I tell you!" I frown as I have to recall the conversation once more. "She was being all nice and we sat down for a cup of tea. She started asking me questions, wanting to know if I have a girlfriend and asked about you and such stuff. Practically made me tell her my sexual orientation. Turns out she had a bet running on whether I'm gay or not. I'm glad she won!" I put the plate with too much force onto the draining rack.

"Pff, there are still people down there not seeing the over-spilling gayness in you?" Bakura laughs. "Why didn't you tell me sooner, I would have made a fortune!" He chuckles some more. I don't care that he laughs about me, I'm just glad I talk to him. I don't want him to pity me. Yeah, him making fun out of me is fine, it's good. He's being honest. And he's right, those girls who thought I'm straight must be blind.

"I feel stupid that I haven't seen earlier that she's fake. She's not Anzu, she's Téa," I say, talking about her stage name.

"Hm, nah. I'd rather say that 'Anzu' is just as fake as 'Téa'," Bakura says.

I put the last dish on the draining rack and look up at him. He understands me. I love him. "Right," I smile.

He takes a few seconds to stare at me, while I stare back, cleaning my hands with a towel. Then he sighs and turns away from me, showing me his profile. "It's probably useless, but maybe even such a spoiled child like you can learn something." Thanks. "So perk up your ears." Here, he throws his eyes back on me. "You shouldn't listen to other people's _words_. Watch their _actions_. Those are important."

With that, he leaves me alone.

* * *

As I lay in my bed, I think about his advice. _Watch their actions, not their words_.

Yeah. I got drawn in by Anzu's words. She said she would help me, she was being nice, smiling, etc. But her actions - getting to know my sexual orientation to win a bet, never actually helping me but always being the first to send me to buy her cigarettes - show her true side. Yeah, Bakura is right. A person can talk all day long how nice he is, but that wouldn't delete his actions. No, if anything it would make him seem more malicious. Someone who's mean but honest about it, is more sympathetic than a liar.

Which brings my thoughts to Bakura himself. He told me a few times he'd beat me up or 'kill me', but he never so much as raised his hand to a fist. Whereas Akefia simply hits him without much thought. I feel bad for saying that he is just like his father. He is not. He gets angry quickly, yes, but he never hit me.

On the contrary! He helped me when I was in need, worried if I was eating enough. He listened to me talking about Anzu, he let me cook the rest of the rice. He can be nice if you pressure him enough. He might be just afraid.

I bury my face deeper into the pillow. Stupid me, being afraid of Bakura hitting me. He wouldn't. He would have a long time ago, if he meant to.

Tomorrow I will put him on a test.


	8. Day 15: The Best Day Ever

**Day 15**

* * *

 _1/6/2016 - Wednesday_

* * *

I wake up way too early. Where's my watch? Ah here. I'm right, it's only nine. Why am I-

There's yelling downstairs. Akefia's and Bakura's voices are battling each other. One deeper, the other higher. Bakura's voice always gets higher the angrier he is, it seems. They aren't that loud actually. Still, I woke up because of it. I rub my eyes, climb out and open the curtains and the window. Now I hear them better.

"I am not! And even if I were, it's not your fucking business!" I hear Bakura cry.

"I've heard enough of that. Now go to school for once!" is Akefia's answer.

"Yeah, like I fucking told you a fucking minute ago! I! was! going! right! this second! to that fucking school!" Bakura climbs out of his window, I see a leg, then his body, finally his white head. He drags a backpack behind himself. He notices me and stares. His eyes are full of hatred, his cheek is red.

"Hey," I wail. I feel sorry for him.

He opens his mouth to let out a breath, still starring, then turns around and bolts down the stairs. I watch him speeding down, hear the stairs rattling, then he hurries over the backyard and turns at the corner. It's so silent outside, only a few cars can be heard. I don't hear what Akefia is doing, he probably went back to sleep. I should too, but now that I'm awake I feel like doing things.

I shower and put on new clothes. Hm, nine o'clock is a bit late for school, isn't it? Mine started at 7:15. Oh, Bakura must be skipping classes. He didn't go the last two days there. And Joey and Zork didn't either. They must be his friends from school, not his lovers.

How could I use this opportunity? I have nine hours till work! I decide to put on my jacket and go outside, explore the city more. I was out last Monday and the Monday before and found the park and explored that a bit. I was also at the train station again and went into a few shops, but I didn't buy anything of course.

Today I'm gonna go past the train station and see what's on those streets. Hah, I could go to the cinema, but alone? Nah, won't do that. It's silly, but going alone to the cinema would make me sad.

* * *

It's cold and my jacket is too thin. The wind chills me to the bones. Jaden brought me a scarf, which I forgot to put on, and gloves which I do wear. I could use a winter cap as well. There's a bit snow falling, but not enough to cover the streets. My boots aren't the best for winter either. They're warm and comfy, but when snow comes I might slide out and fall.

I wonder where Bakura's school is. He turned to the right so it must be near the park somewhere. But I'll go to the left today, I'm in the mood to explore the shops around the train station. There are already people traveling on the streets, going to work or to school. I see some kids in my age. Are they going to Bakura's school? As I walk through the train station, pass the ever charming StarBucks. I could use a yummy cup of cocoa.

I pass the spot where this ass stole my purse. Ugh. You never forget stuff like that. Every time you pass it, you'll think of it.

I walk slower, having accustomed to the temperature. My breathe is visible. I pass one shop after another. Most of them are empty yet, only the hairdresser's was full of people. There's a wig shop with lots of different hair color and styles, a watch shop, jewelry, Asian supermarket, aand so much more. There's also an internet cafe, probably the one Jaden told me about.

I hop in, then remember I do not have any money and go out again. That must have looked suspicious. The sign says one dollar for one hour at the computer. Ugh, I don't even have that.

* * *

In the end I'm home back quickly. It's simply too cold. I need a warmer jacket. Bakura's looks so warm.

I do my workout, shower again cause why not, and clean my little room. I find myself looking at the watch constantly, waiting for Bakura to return.

So I had this idea. See, Bakura isn't a bad guy, no matter what he tells me. He told me himself that only the actions count, not the words. So I'm gonna make him angry. As angry as he possibly can get. And then I'll know if he gets violent. If he does, I was wrong about him and he shouldn't be trusted. That'd be sad, but at least I'd know. But if I am right, and he only bells but does not bite, my impression of him was right, and he is alright and, what's most important, I have a victory over him! He won't admit it, but he'll be impressed and like me!

I go downstairs and call Ishizu. She made me call her every single day at first, but after she understood that my decision to stay is final, she loosened up. It's still difficult. I am not twenty-one yet, so I guess child services would come and pick me up if they knew where I was? Ishizu promised me not to tell where I am, I made her swear it. But I know she won't, I can trust her. She told me, she will have to tell Dad through Rishid though that I am safe.

Ishizu is at her college when I call her, her house phone automatically connected me to her mobile. She yawns. "Marik?"

"Morning!" I chuckle.

"Aw, it's only noon, you're early."

"Heh, woke up earlier today cause Akefia and Bakura were fighting."

"Oh. I- Did you step in?"

"No."  
I told her about Bakura and that his Dad beats him up. I hope I haven't sounded too obvious when I told her about it. I am not sure if Ishizu knows that I am gay. I don't think she would mind though. I told her I would go between Akefia and Bakura next time I was near, but the opportunity just never arises. I am always too far away to help Bakura.

"Good. I mean- You know. I don't want you to get hurt."

"Oh, a small hit won't hurt me." I turn around from facing the wall and sit down on the chair next to the table. "I want to protect Bakura, show Akefia that it's not okay what he does! And Bakura would feel better if he sees that I am on his side!"

There's a pause on the other end of the line. Then Ishizu sighs. "Marik, you always do that."

"Do what?"

"Protect." Wait, did I use that word? Protect Bakura. Hum, sounds a bit too suspicious again, doesn't it? "You protected Yuugi and got beaten up by those guys."

"That's right, but I hit them back and now they left him alone." It's weird, Ishizu isn't the kind to give me lectures. I guess now, that we don't see Dad anymore, she stepped into his role.

"Just watch out. Both of them don't sound like nice guys." I roll my eyes. She says those exact words every time I call her.

I put one arm over my stomach, resting my other arm's elbow on it. "Bakura is nice," I say, leaning back on my chair.

"I hope you're right."

Another pause, this time longer. I ponder about what to say next. Whether I should mention something about Bakura. But I'm already talking too much about him, considering I rarely see him throughout the day.

Ishizu comes up first with an idea what to say. "I talked to Rishid."

"Yeah?"

"We want to tell Dad that we know where you are. It's been two weeks."

"Yeah, lucky me that he never thought of calling the cops," I mutter. I could've been dead or kidnapped but Dad would not know. He never calls the police. He always wants to control everything by himself.

"Marik, he's not dumb. He knows we've been talking to you. He asks Rishid all the time where you are, but he tells him he doesn't know."

"Yeah. Yeah, it's fine, tell him. He should not worry this much. Please don't tell him _where_ I am though. He manages it and shows up."

"I won't," Ishizu says.

"Thank you."

"School will call though and wonder what happened to you."

"Dad will probably tell them he's gonna home-school me," I say.

"Oh, yes," Ishizu sighs. "Good idea."

"Is it? Hah, Ishizu." I lean over the table, grab the other end of it and exhale loudly. "If only I could help Bakura...!"

She chuckles. "You've got bigger problems than Bakura, Marik!"

"Do I? I am fine, really. Just could use some money."

"Well, you can always come to me," she offers.

"Really?" I sit up. "I thought Seto-"

"No, I talked to him. It is my apartment after all. You can come and stay."

"I can't, you know I can't."

"I know," she sighs. "Jaden."

"Right."

"Rishid could come up with the money, though."

"No. No, that's too much." I am surprised. Rishid has ten thousand dollars? I know he saves money, but ten thousand is still impressive. "It is fine, Ishizu, I do want to be here, I learn a lot, I-" She wants to say something, so I stop talking. "Yes?"

I hear her breathing. Then she asks: "Do you want to stay there for Bakura?"

I close my mouth, open it again. "Yes. Well, him too."

"Marik-"

"Look, I don't have to stay the whole year, right? If Rishid really wants to pay Akefia ten thousand now, he can still do that a later time, can't he? I might change my mind. But for now, I want to stay, alright?"

"Okay, Marik. You're clever, you really are," she chuckles. "But I know you. You found someone to pour your love all over him and you won't back down until he turns you down. You're blind when it comes to feelings."

I feel my face flush. "Yeah, yeah, whatever."

"Take care."

"I will. You too."

I hang up, still feeling hot. Am I really dumb when it comes to my feelings? Okay, I fell for Anzu, but now I know better, it won't happen twice! Besides, I'm gonna test Bakura tonight and then I'll see his true side! Then I'll know if I misjudged him or not.

I return upstairs and take a nap.

* * *

Bakura isn't home yet by the time I have to go to work. I could sneak into his room through the window and clean something up to make him angry, but that could backfire. If he returns home while I'm at work, he'd get angry but cool off eventually by the time I am done working. Also I have to respect his wishes. Climbing into his room through the window would be too much.

No. I'll go up in my break and make him open up if he's there. Then I'll test him.

Mahad isn't saying much today, the other cooks notice it too. I get the chance to make some chicken salads, but it's Mahad who puts in the seasonings. Still, it's nice that he let me make it myself. Than I go back to more peeling and dish washing. I take the garbage bag out and throw it in the dumpster, when I hear the sound of the fire escape rattling.

I look up, yup, it's Bakura, heading upstairs. He vanishes inside. I grin. Gonna test you tonight.

Anzu isn't talking to me tonight, well good. She goes upstage as 'Téa' and throws her legs around the pole. How could I have been so dumb. It's really evident. Her Téa smile is the same as her Anzu smile. There's not much difference between those two. She is a really good dancer though. She does this swirl around the pole as if she's light like a feather and lands slowly on her half-naked butt.

I am tired and hungry at nine. I go upstairs, almost forgetting to drop by at Bakura. When I enter the apartment, it's silent. Akefia is gone. I go before Bakura's door and hear him playing his PlayStation. That annoying song comes through the wall.

Alright, what now? How do I make him angry? I thought of walking in and stealing something, but would that make him more than just annoyed? It must be something he told me not to do, like cleaning up or taking his clothes without asking...

* * *

"Bakura!"

"No day passes without you, is it," he hisses.

"Please open up!"

"Tell me one good reason."

"The heater doesn't work?"

"What?"

"Just kidding. Aw, come on! I'll give you a peck right on the lips if you open the door!"

"That's a reason _not_ to open the door, you moron."

"Okay, _you_ tell me a good reason then," I say.

The music stops. I hear him standing up and stepping closer. He's rustling, near the door. I lean closer to it, so I hear better. He opens the door and I almost fall on him. "Oh!" I catch myself and look up. "Hey, can I com-"

He pushes a load of clothes into my arms. "Here, wash those." He's about to close the door again, but I put my foot between it and the frame and push myself in.

"Marik!"

He thinks he can just use me like a maid and I will agree? I drop the stuff he gave me on his bed, then open the door to his closet and take the first thing I see: A pair of jeans. Doesn't matter if I fit in those, I just wanna make him mad.

He walks behind me and tries to grab the pants away. "Marik, what the fuck! I told you, you cannot-"

"I don't care!" I laugh and push him away. He falls on his bed and I rush out. Is he angry yet?

"Marik! I'm gonna fucking kill you!" Sounds good.

I hide in the bathroom. Well, not really hide, he clearly has seen and heard where I went. I sit down on the toilet seat. "I don't believe you!" I yell. Come on in! Come on in, and be angry!

He comes in, frowning. He looks more confused than angry. Uh-oh, not good. How can I make him angrier? "What's wrong with you? Are you bored?" he asks.

"I'm gonna wear those jeans and then I'm gonna clean this whole bathroom," I say, holding the pants up.

He sighs. "Do whatever you want," he mumbles and leaves the room. Huh?

How anti-climatic.

I run after him. "Bakura?"

He's in the kitchen. "I'm too tired to fight," he says. He comes back with an apple in his hand and takes a bite. Where do you hide your food please? Every time I check the fridge it's empty, but here you come with that shiny green apple. "Clean whatever you want. But I doubt you will fit in those jeans. Not with those big legs of yours."

I watch him go into his room, leaving it open. I go after him. He sits on his bed and eats his apple, staring at the TV screen. "Why aren't you upset?"

"Do you want me too?" he chuckles. "Like I said, I'm too tired." He puts the apple in his mouth, holding it in a bite between his teeth and continues playing. Not long, and he has to stop, because the apple is about to fall out. "Gonna stand there for the rest of your break or what?"

"I guess. Unless you let me sit next to you." I cross my arms before my chest. There's no mattress to sit on this time and I don't dare to walk past him and just sit at his desk. So yeah, I guess I have to stand.

He stops the game again and takes another bite. Then he pats the spot next to him. "Alright. Come." He takes another bite, then looks at me as I don't react. "What you're waiting for?"

I go to him with a jolt, letting my arms fall to my side. Sitting next to him on his bed! I can't help it and grin. He moves away a bit to make space for me. I make myself wide, to have an excuse to accidentally touch him, if the opportunity arises.

He doesn't say a thing but continues playing. It's some kind of race game, the same he was playing days ago. Does he only have this one game? His car crashes multiple times, hits other cars, explodes and finally is wrecked. His time was about to ran out anyways.

"Gah, fuck," he curses and throws the controller on his bed. He watches the screen loading and finishes his apple.

There's nothing to say. I cannot think of anything to make him angry on purpose. It doesn't work when you try to force it, like so many things. I let myself fall back on his bed with a sigh. It's so soft and comfy. And it's warm here. He accidentally brushes me as he moves to throw the remains of his apple on... his desk? Yeah, sounded like he threw it into that misused pencil holder.

"It's much better with you when you don't talk," he says.

I chuckle. "Is it?" I sit back up.

He starts a new round, groaning when he crashes and muttering small sounds of 'yes' when he crashes other cars. He still doesn't make it again and huffs. I understand now. The goal is to crash as many cars as possible in the given time without crashing yourself. It's not a race game.

He loads a new round. "I wanted to make you angry on purpose," I say.

"Huh? What?" He looks at me. "Why?"

I shrug. "How do I make you angry?"

"Why would you wanna do that?"

I shrug again.

"Turns you on, or what." The game has loaded and he focuses his concentration on the screen.

Well, he is not wrong. He _is_ hot when he huffs and makes himself bigger in front of me. But seeing him being calm is way better. He crashes and I let out a laugh. "You suck."

"Shut up."

"You suck so much."

"Yeah, and you suck dicks."

I chuckle. "Well, don't you too?"

"You suck them all, every single one you see."

I laugh. "What?"

"D'you think I don't see how desperate you ogle me up and down every time you see me? You're worse than me."

Fuck, he noticed? "Heh, worse than you?" I repeat. "That's impossible." A weak retort, but I'm getting nervous here. Being so close to him and talking about dicks and sucking makes me cramp up. I don't know why I am responding back in that way. I don't want to be this immature. But he makes me feel exposed, so I turn my guard up.

"Eh, true again," he mutters. I turn my head to him. What's with him today? He yawns. Right, he's tired. Aw.

I watch how he almost reaches the number of crashes he has to cause, only for the time to run out. He takes a deep breath, heaves a loud sigh and throws the controller into a corner. "Godfuckingdammit!" He stands up and puts his hands on his hips, starring at the screen as it displays the statistics of this round.

"It's just a game," I comment.

He turns to me. "Shut up, it's not! What do you know!"

"That it's just a game," I mumble. Hm, could that be my chance to make him mad? I straight up and cross my arms on my lap. "You should better learn for school and not waste your time with stupid video games."

"Are you fucking serious?!" He lifts his hands up for emphasis.

"Yeah." I stand up, but I don't have anything more to say.

He stares at me.

Dad used to tell Ishizu every day how she had to learn more and not skip school and would scold her instead of helping her. He was making her insane. 'As if I didn't know myself! As if I didn't _want_ to be a better student!' she would say then.

"Or is it that you're too dumb for school?" I tilt my head.

He presses his lips into a thin line. "You're just trying to make me angry again, aren't you."

I bite my lip. Dammit, why did I tell him.

* * *

Then there's a sound, a door opening. It's not the apartment door though, it's one of the other doors. Akefia. We both freeze, when we hear his steps. It's weird, I feel like Bakura and me are small fish and he's the shark. Like he's just made of hatred and violence. Isn't there a bit of love in him for his son? He complained this morning that Bakura wasn't going to school, so he does care in a way for him. But yelling or beating doesn't help, doesn't he see this?

"Bakura." His voice is slurred.

The boy in question breathes louder and clenches his fists. "He's drunk," he whispers.

I look at my watch. It's time for me to go back to work, the half hour is almost up. But I cannot leave now, I don't want to run into Akefia. It would cause trouble for Bakura too, I think. So I just stand there, trying not to breathe.

"I know you're in there!" He knocks at the door, or should I say pounds it.

I look again at my watch. I hope Mahad won't be angry with me. Bakura looks at me and takes a step closer. "Don't go now," he whispers.

I nod, looking back at him.

"Stop jerking off to old men and do your homework!" Akefia bawls, hitting the door more. Bakura let's out a snort through his nose. I can see his shoulders tensing up. "You ain't good for nothing! Do you think some of those ugly bastards will adopt you? You're good for nothing, why would they want you!"

Bakura's breath increases in volume and pace. He crosses his arms before his chest and strides to the window, his head down, then moves to the TV, then back to the window.

"Why can't you be a good, straight kid, what have I done to deserve such a homo like you!" Akefia continues. I hear the sound of liquid sloshing around in a bottle, then Akefia gulps loudly, one, two, three times. He lets out a small 'ah!'

Bakura is at the window again with his hands on his ears.

My breath goes faster now as well, I hear my heart pounding in my throat. I want to swing that door open into Akefia's face! And smash that bottle on his head! I glance to Bakura, who's standing cross-armed again.

"You're a disgrace!" A last knock at the door, then the slow steps of the drunk man fade away and his door closes.

I let my shoulders fall again, see Bakura do the same. He moves swiftly to the TV, turning the volume up and sitting down. His eyes fix on the screen. He bites his lower lip, playing with it with his teeth. When I walk to him, he turns his face to me, staring at me with squinted eyes and balls one hand into a fist. I stop before the bed.

"Isn't your break over yet!" he yells suddenly with such a loud voice, that I am startled.

Right, I remember something. In psychology class we learned that anger is a social emotion. It comes when you feel that someone has hurt you, physically or otherwise. It often comes as a substitute for other feelings, let's say pain. It's better to feel the emotion of anger than to feel pain. It distracts you, makes you feel superior to the one who caused you pain, rather than wallow in self-pity. Bakura is a very good example here.

I wished we had also learned how to calm someone down who's angry. I lift my hands and open my mouth. "Bakura, you-"

"Shut the fuck up!" he growls, standing up, hands made into fists again. "Don't you dare pity me! Just go away, leave!"

He steps closer to me, I step back. "Bakura-"

"Don't you have work to do!" He comes closer yet and I move back. His steps are bigger than mine though, so after three strides, he's close to me again, breathing loudly. His eyes lose their focus. He is not angry at me specifically, he's angry at his Dad, or rather: He's in pain because of his Dad. I just happen to be there.

"Bakura," I murmur. I don't know what else to say.

We reach a wall. No, his closet. I lean against it and he slams his palm next to my head. The music from the game blares a fast rhythm, but I blank it out. All I can sense now are Bakura's eyes, those big pupils staring and not staring at me, his lips straight and unmoving. Half of his face is illuminated in the TV's light. "I hate you," he whispers in his deep voice.

"Bakura."

"I hate you so much."

I close my mouth. I wanted him to get angry, but not like this. If I hug him now, he'd just push me away. So I stay where I am. I catch his eyes, he sees me now.

"Don't look at me like this."

"Like how?" I whisper.

"Stop whispering!" he hisses.

"Bakura, it's fine." I lift a hand and put it on his stretched arm, trying to pull it down, but he shakes my hand of and puts his arm back, his hand slapping the wood of his wardrobe closet.

"Shut up! Who the fuck are you anyways?!" he groans. He slams the other hand on the closet as well. Now my head is trapped between his arms.

"You're not angry at me, you're angry at your Dad," I say.

"He's not my Dad!"

"Right, sorry, I mean Akefia," I mumble. He's not his Dad? He did mean that figuratively, didn't he.

"Fuck you!" He hits the closet with his fist. "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!" He hits it again. Again and again. "Fuck this shit!"

His words make no sense. He just needs to vent. I understand that, but I am still annoyed. I have to go to work! I do feel sorry for him, I can't help myself, and I'd love to give him a hug but I know he wouldn't let me, but that does not mean that he can just trap me here! "Bakura," I wail, tugging at his arm again.

"Don't touch me!"

"Let me go!"

"Hah, try to!"

I tug some more. If I wanted to, I could grab him and slam him back to the other wall. He's no match for me, usually. But now, in this state he's in, his arms are like walls, I can feel the tensed muscles under his skin, almost hear the adrenaline pumping through his veins.

"Stop fucking touching me!"

"Or what?" I snarl.

"Or I'll fucking kill you!"

Here we are again. At least I am at my goal. He's angry, like I wanted him to be. Fine, I can as well use this chance. "Yeah? Try to!" I snap.

Bakura leans back, dropping his arms. He steps closer though, snorting. "I'm gonna fucking beat your tan out of your face!" he says through clenched teeth, already lifting a fist up to his waist.

"You wouldn't dare!" I say loudly.

"Watch out what you wish for!"

"Come on, do it! Hit me!" I yell.

"You think I'm bluffing!"

"Yeah I do think you do!"

"Well, too bad, I am not!"

"Then why aren't you doing it!"

"I will!"

"Instead of just talking about it!"

"I fucking will!"

A thick, tense second passes by, then he lifts his fist up to the same height as my head. I do not avert my eyes, but keep them on his. I breathe quicker, so is he. Another second passes, in which he holds his breath. I continue breathing, staring at him. I know you won't hit me. You're not like your Dad. I know it. You won't. You _won't_.

Another second passes, and another. We're both not moving, waiting for the other to react. The seconds become unbearable, I want to breathe again, I need to move my eyes-

Then he breathes out and his eyes drop, as well as his hand. He turns away from me, leaving his head hanging and putting his fingers on his forehead. "Fine, you're right," he mumbles.

"I knew it," I whisper and step closer to him.

"What?" He frowns. He seems relaxed now. His shoulders are hanging again and his eyes are wide.

"You right, you are not like Akefia," I say, smiling.

He doesn't answer and just looks confused. "Yeah?"

"You said actions count, not the words. You're constantly telling me you'll 'kill' me but see, you could not do it!" I smile more. I was right, he's a good guy. He just lets his pain out by getting angry, no wonder with this terrible father.

"That doesn't mean-"

"You fed me rice, you let me sleep in your room and you let me cook the rest of the rice!" I bet I am grinning way too much now, looking smug, but whatever. Also I need to go downstairs, but I do have to make my point clear. "You're a good guy!"

He looks at me, as if he doesn't remember doing this things. Then he heaves a big sigh and sits down on his bed. "You're the first person to tell me that I am a 'good guy'." He grabs the controller and puts it on top of the PlayStation, then turns it off. "Is that why you wanted to make me angry?"

"Yes."

He turns the TV off as well. I cannot see him anymore, it's now completely dark. I hear him sitting back on his bed. "To prove that I wouldn't hit you?"

"Yes."

A few seconds of silence pass by. But I know he will say something, so I wait. "So, you listened to what I told you and analyzed me in your little head... Well, bravo!" He is louder again. "But you're too stupid to think ahead. What, you think I'm gonna continue being nice now? No rice anymore for you."

"Well I don't really need it anyways," I mumble. Why's he so hostile again? Because I figured him out?

"...and next time the heater dies, you die with it!" he adds.

I groan. "Now you're behaving stupid! And childish! Changing your attitude shows that you're afraid."

"Afraid? Of what?"

"I don't know! Or maybe you're ashamed. Either way, you want to change yourself because of what I said, to show me I am not right. So what I said is true. Because if it wasn't true, you wouldn't give a shit about it. But you do, so it's true." I said those words too fast. Did he understand me? I don't know if I understood myself.

He does not immediately answer and I am afraid that I made him only angrier. But then he clears his throat, sounding calm. I hear him getting up and going a few steps.

Then a light in the corner of the desk appears. He has switched his desk lamp on. He looks at me. "Okay, maybe you're not as daft as you look," he says silently, frowning.

I grin at him.

"But you should still go," he mumbles, going back on his bed. He doesn't look at me anymore and lays down under his blankets. All I see of him is the top of his white head.

"Yeah, Mahad will be wondering where I am," I reply. I open the door cautiously, because you never know, maybe Akefia is still near. But the hall is empty, all doors are closed. "Bye," I mutter to Bakura, not expecting an answer anyways.

He moves. "Marik."

I stop in my step, holding the door. I look back at him. "Yes?"

He's still on the bed, but has moved so he can look at me. "Come upstairs after work for a bit, okay?"

What? I need a second to answer. He wants to see me? "Yes, sure," I say quickly, biting my lip, hiding my joy.

He moves on his side and pulls out his mobile, not looking at me again.

* * *

I am fifteen minutes too late. I thought Mahad would be the one who'll be pissed at me the most, but no, it's Mai. She scolds me in front of Anzu, who fakes to hide a giggle behind her hand. She's holding hands with a customer. They get some drinks and go behind the curtains, to the private rooms.

I don't like to clean those five rooms behind the curtains. The seats have the same material as the other ones in the main room, but I bet if you'd go with a black-light in those rooms, you'd run out again pretty fast. Having sex isn't permitted here, but when the door is closed who would know, right?

But that's not my business. I feel humiliated because Mai reprimanded me, but quickly forget it over the joy of seeing Bakura later. Not only seeing him, but seeing him because _he_ said I should come upstairs! Everybody seems to notice that I am happy and asks me why, but I'm not telling them.  
I scrub the table in the girl's room because they spilled some soda on a pack of cigarettes. It smells terrible and sticks. The ash sank into the red fluid and doesn't want to come off the table. But I don't even care, I scrub and hum to myself.

Anzu needs news cigarettes and upon hearing this half of the girls in the room pipe up and tell me their brands. Uh, I still haven't memorized which girl smokes what. I write it down on a napkin and off I go.

It's fucking cold outside. My jacket is too thin. My breath is outrunning me, vanishing into the black night. The newsstand guy still asks me about Jaden and I still shake my head, unable to speak because my teeth chatter like in some Disney movie.

"Boy, you need a better cover," the big man in the tight space says after I read him my list on the napkin.

I nod. Yeah, yeah, you're right. Move faster, please, don't stare at me so long.

He still looks at me, but now his eyes are different. He wants to tell me something. "Wait," he mutters, moving around and standing up. He vanishes inside, behind all those magazines and newspapers. Next second he's already back, lifting something. A scarf, green, checkered pattern. He reaches it out to me, so that I have to grab it.

"Eh?" I look at him, he grins.

"A gift."

"Oh, but- Thank you!" I make a bow with my head, then look at the scarf, unfolding it. "That's very generous of you!" I smile.

He shakes his head, saying 'no, it's not'. "I know you street kids having it hard."

I don't reply to this. I don't really feel like a street kid. I could go home at any minute.

He finally moves and collects all the cigarettes I mentioned earlier, still remembering which one I need. I put the scarf on. It reeks of the man's smells - alcohol and cigarettes. It's not a coat, but better than nothing.

* * *

When it's finally two, Mai let's me off the hook earlier, saying I wasn't myself tonight anyways. "Babe's got to have a date!" Tokyo says and the other strip girls cheer. Date, my ass. I grab my jacket and scarf and head upstairs, trying not to go too fast. I'm just seeing Bakura tonight, why am I so excited?

I open the door to the apartment and hear the door to Akefia's room closing. The draft pulls at the door. I slip quickly inside.

It's silent, I don't hear anything coming out from Bakura's room. I knock twice and wait. There's rustling, which I now can identify as him getting out of his blankets and standing up. Few seconds later he opens the door, blinking slowly. Has he been sleeping? But he knew I would come to him. "Hey," I say.

One side of his face is redder than the other. Did Akefia slap him again? I lift my hand. Is his cheek warm? But Bakura makes a grunt and moves past me. "Don't touch me," he mutters, his voice being hoarse. "Come!"

I follow him into the kitchen, seeing him with his butt up as he bends down, in search for something in the cupboard. Thought it was empty, except for countless jars and metal boxes, also empty. Is that where he hides his goods?

He comes up with an unopened box of rice. He glances at me. "I'm only gonna show you this once." He tears the top of the cardboard off and tosses it into the direction of the garbage can. Only into the general direction of the garbage can, mind you.

I sigh and go after it, throwing my coat and scarf on the chair, as I pass it. I pick up the cardboard piece and throw it into the can.

"Where do you have that from?" he asks, nodding to the chair.

I look up. "The scarf?"

"Yeah." He picks up a saucepan, its lid and the wooden spoon.

"The newspaper guy gave it to me." I walk to him.

"Newspaper guy?"

"That's where I buy the cigarettes for the girls."

"Ah." He nods. He seems more awake now. We stare at each other for a few awkward seconds, then he turns around to grab a coffee cup. "Come here," he mumbles.

"Okay," I reply. What does he want to do? Show me how to cook rice? I step besides him.

"First you measure your rice," he says and grabs the rice box. He fills the cup to the brink with the white grains. A few don't make it inside and bounce off. "One cup for two people." He goes to the pot on the stove and pours the rice in. "Then you need to rinse it." He moves with the pot to the sink and fills it. I follow him and peer inside. He added about one inch of water over the top.

"Why not use the strainer?" I ask, pointing to it hanging on the wall.

"Because you need to swirl it," he says, motions me to give him the wooden spoon. "See?" He stirs it slowly. The grains move and something white, like mist, surges up.

"What's that?"

"Starch."

"Like potato starch?"

"Mhm." The water is all white now. Bakura grabs the strainer and gives it to me. "Here, hold that over the sink."

I do as he says. He pours the water with the rice in it and the colored fluid drains out. I like this. Bakura is talking calmly. He's not smiling and only says as much as he needs to, but hey, he's showing me the proper way to cook rice! My heart is beating a tad faster.

"Fine, now we do that again," he says. "Put the rice back."

"Alright," I say and swing the strainer. "Why?"

"There's still starch in it." Again, he fills up the pot with water.

"Do you do this every time you cook the rice?"

"Eh, most of the times I only do it twice or once."

Again, he swirls it, making the starch come out, then pours it into the strainer and I put it back in the pot. He avoids looking at me. His face is expressionless. His cheek is still a bit red.

"Alright, once more," he says, filling up the pot.

"Why does Akefia hit you," I mutter.

He almost forgets to close the tap. He glances at me, furrowing his brow. "Hold the strainer steady, will you."

I nod. The water runs out and I put the rice back in the pot. I hang the strainer on the wall and we move to the stove. Why doesn't he want to talk about it?

"Then you get the cup and fill it with water." He hands me the cup, looking at me shortly. "For one cup of rice, you'll need around twice the amount of water. A bit less actually, so don't make them full."

I do as he says and give him the cup back. He pours the water in the pot and we repeat the step. I'd love to talk with someone about my Dad. Ishizu and I talk enough about him, but we already know the story. We grew up in it. I would like to tell someone new about him, to see if I'm looking right at the things. A different view would help me to understand.

"Then you turn on the heat. Only medium heat, okay?" He turns the hotplate on.

"Okay."

He opens the drawer closest to him and gets something out. "Give me the towel." I grab the towel hanging near the sink and hand it to him. "You don't need to stir all the time, once is enough," he says and does so. "But stay at the pot and watch. When it boils, wait like twenty seconds, then turn it off."

"Twenty seconds?"

"Yeah, just look at the rice." I move closer, pretending that I am only accidentally brushing his arm with mine. But he noticed and inches away. "When you see it boil, wait until a bit water is gone, until the first grains are peeking out above."

"Okay." I nod. Then we wait. I glance at him, then look back to the pot. I see him doing the same. I try not to hold my breath but I cannot forget about it and end up breathing loudly through my nose. He moves away and gets his mobile out of his pants, typing something. Then the water begins to move. "Bakura, it's boiling!"

"Yeah," he says and comes back to me. We watch the water evaporate away. As the rice begins to stick out of the water surface, he turns the heat down, then he grabs the kitchen towel and spreads it over the pot. The lid follows on top of it. Then he secures the corner of the towel on top of the lid with a band rubber. Afterwards he looks expectantly at me. "So, why did I do that?"

His expression is cute; eyebrows lift up, lips pursed. I chuckle. "I have no idea."

"The towel soaks up the water that's steaming up." He points to it, moving his finger up and down. "Otherwise it would come back down and make it soggy."

"Ah." That's clever. Did he come up with that trick himself?

"And I reduced the heat, see?" he says. I nod. "Now let's wait fifteen minutes, then we'll come back." He motions me to follow him.

* * *

Today is the best day ever. I proved that Bakura is a nice guy, then I got the scarf from the newspaper guy and now Bakura proves further that he is nice by giving me a cooking lesson! I want to hug and stroke him. But I only follow him to his room, where he picks up his controller and sits down. He nods to the spot next to him and I grin more. Truly the best day ever! 6th January 2016, I love you!

This time it's not the car-crashing game, but a RPG. He walks the character with the crazy hair through a town, goes into shops and buys and sells potions and swords. I sit still and watch him. His face is expressionless and his cheek pale again. What did you do to make Akefia angry this time? You did go to school. Did you score bad on a test? Or did you take his beer? Did you say something wrong?

I don't really understand why violence persists in a relationship. If Dad would hit me, I would just stop doing the things he doesn't want me to do. Score bad on a test? Okay, that never happened to me, but if it did, I would stop showing him my grades altogether. Just hide everything, yeah, just like I do at home. Just avoid him.

I guess that is what Bakura does too, doesn't he. Yet he does open the door to his father sometimes. I only saw Akefia slapping him once, but I do see marks on Bakura's face and arm often. Why does he keep opening the door.

"Time's up," he says after a while and we march back to the kitchen. He turns the stove off and leaves the kitchen already.

"That's it?" I run after him.

"That's it," he says and slams the door to his room in front of my face. "Wait ten minutes, then it's ready."

I am not sure what to say. "Thank you," I mumble. I can't help being disappointed. I thought we would eat the rice together, or I don't know, he would smile at the end of the lesson and pat my shoulder or something... Okay, no, that's not him. He showed me how to cook rice, hey, that still means a lot!

I return to the kitchen and watch the clock. It smells already yummy and my stomach begins to make sounds. Right, I forgot to take some leftovers with me for tonight. Mahad didn't even remind me. Well yeah, it's not his problem.

I take the lid and towel of the stove after ten minutes and peek inside. Wow, the rice's perfect. Fluffy, white rice. All grains separated. I take a bowl and eat a bit of it. He forgot to salt it though. Or maybe you're supposed to do that afterwards. Compared to the gob I cooked yesterday, this is heaven.

* * *

I'm still sad he's so rough to me. I collect my jacket and scarf and go upstairs. But then again, what did I do for him? Yeah, now that I think about it, I never did anything for him. Okay, I picked up some matches for him and right, wait, I do his laundry! But it doesn't feel like it's enough. I'm living here, so it's only fair if I do some house chores. Even if I'm the only one to do those.

Ah, I don't know what to think. I just- I just want to be close to him. Help him. Be there for him. Wash his face when I see blue spots on it. Don't the teachers at his school notice them? Or does he hide them? I wished I could step between him and Akefia when they fight again.

I climb into bed and go to sleep.


	9. Day 20: Life's not special

**Day 20**

* * *

 _1/11/2016 - Monday_

* * *

Woah, long time since I wrote something in here. It's just not much happening for now. Bakura is avoiding me like hell, so all I do is work and sleep.

At least, I feel like home finally. The bed on the last floor is _my_ bed now, I know how it smells and how the sheets feel under my fingertips. The hoodies Bakura gave me don't feel borrowed any more. I don't feel like an intruder any longer when I check the kitchen for scraps.

* * *

It is Monday today and Ishizu and I will meet! One of her college courses is cancelled for today and the other one she will skip. I couldn't resist and scolded her playfully; I could almost hear her eyes rolling at the other end of the telephone line.

We agreed to meet at noon and have brunch together in one of the various cafes on the 'rich boulevard' as I call it. It's behind the train station and near the park; a long, wide street with shops and cafes on both sides, in the middle a line of small trees. I can only imagine how those trees will look in ten or twenty five years when they are full grown.

It is cold as hell today. Er, no, wait, hell isn't cold, is it. I wait in the train station, watching the people passing by. 12 pm, and the station is already full of tailored suits and slow tourist, big families and lonesome hobos, searching around in trashcans. It amazes me to watch every one of them.

There, Ishizu's train arrived, the one I used to catch for my city excursions. Weird, I still feel like I could hop in and go home and everything would be as it was. People come out, some get in. I spot my sister quickly. Her red coat caught my eye. I grin and wave at her, chuckling. She sees me and waves back.

I walk towards her, faster the closer I get. "Ishizu!" I yell. I don't know why I yell, I'm just happy to see her, that's why.

"Hey," she manages to say, before I fling my arms around her neck. "Missed you too," she whispers, putting her arms around me.

We stand there for a bit like this, my face buried in her neck, her hand patting my head. I did miss her, I didn't even know before this moment. Her smell, her voice. She's my family and I felt so lonely those past days.

"How are you?" I ask, as I let go of her.

"I'm good, how are you, Marik?" She smiles at me, but there is pity in it. "You're cold - hey, don't you have a better jacket than this?" She pinches the fabric and pulls.

"Ah. No, I don't." I shake my head. "But it's fine, really!"

"It's seventeen degrees." Her motherly instincts show again. Her lips press together into a thin line and her eyes glare at me.

I shrug, then pout. "I just don't have anything better!"

She stares at me for another second, then moves as we start walking. She sighs. "Ah, I should have bought you a _coat_ ," she says, sounding as if she wanted to add more. ' _I should have bought you a coat and not..._ '

"Ishizu, you already gave me a gift," I say.

"For your birthday, yes. But not for Christmas."

We stop, because the surprise bomb has gone off and she has to give me the present now. She searches in her bag and hands me a parcel, bigger than the last one. And heavier. Wrapped in green paper with cute little Santas on it. I feel bad, because I didn't got her anything. Didn't even _think_ of getting her something.

She notices and nudges me. "It's fine, Marik. I know you don't have any money."

I look up. We continue walking and I carry the parcel in my hand. I never thought of getting her a gift because for me, Christmas did not happen yet. It is the eleventh of January and it's 2016, but my mind didn't realize that yet. As long as I didn't wake up at eight along with Ishizu, Rishid and Dad to eat pancakes and drink eggnog in our pajamas, eagerly waiting for Dad to finally sigh and nod, letting us run into the living room to open our presents, Christmas didn't happen.

Besides, I really don't have any money. But I could have cooked her something or I don't know. The sheer act of forgetting about getting her something makes me sad. Makes me want to go back home.

We arrive at the boulevard and Ishizu points to some cafe that seems relatively empty and I nod. We're lucky, says the waitress after looking us up and down, there is one table left for two. We pass reserved tables and elder women with big purses.

We sit down and undress. "We're lucky they let us touch our butts with their fancy chairs," Ishizu says under her breath, after the waitress walks away.

"See, that's why I call it 'the rich boulevard'."

Ishizu grabs the menu. "The prices are top-notch as well. Two fifty for water? Eugh."

"We can go somewhere else if you want," I mutter. Another weird thing here. Ishizu was never the one to complain about prices. We're not rich, but going to the restaurant or the cafe every day is something we could easily afford. If we were allowed to go out, that is. But it never stopped Ishizu from sneaking out now and then, and meeting with her friends, while Rishid and I covered up.

"No, it's fine," she mumbles, giving me the menu. Her eyes remain fixed on the table as I study the card.

"Shizu."

"Just order what you want, Marik, it's fine."

"No. I mean yes, thank you," I grin shortly, then drop it. "What are you thinking about?"

"Ah!" she makes, waving in dismissal. "Just Seto. We're kind of... fighting a bit at the moment."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Why?"

"It's stupid." She heaves a sigh and moves her head to the side to look at the flowers on our table. "We're still not done moving in, because he wants to buy ton of things we don't need. He wants to buy a couch for five thousand. From Italy."

"Five thousand?"

"And that would be only one couch, without the armchair that goes with it. And without the carpet under it that would go so well."

"Isn't it _your_ apartment?" I ask slowly.

She perks up. "Yes! Exactly! Thanks! He bought it for us both originally, but then he said he doesn't really need another one, so I said I will have it, then he offered me to loan me money for it and I took it. But I will pay him back once I find work! He agreed that it is all mine, that he only loans me the money but now he wants to arrange things in it as well. And he's not even there most of the times!"

"He's not?"

The waitress from before comes back, asking us if we want to order. I ask if they have an AYCE and she frowns as if she didn't know what it meant. "No all-you-can-eat buffet, no?" I try again. She shakes her head. "Okay, then I take the brunch special with eggs and bacon, thank you."

Ishizu orders a coffee and a bagel. She's not very hungry yet, she says.

"So what is Seto doing exactly?" I ask.

Ishizu looks up at me, surprised.

"What?" Did I say something wrong?

"Nothing," she mutters, shaking her head. "Seto is the CEO of 'ToysRu', so he's a really busy man."

ToysRu?! I am taken aback. I am not sure what CEO stands for but I immediately picture an older man sitting at an incredible big desk with lots of toys scattered around the room and a row of other older men standing besides the desk, waiting for instructions. Kind of like Mr. Burns from the Simpsons, but better looking.

Ishizu grins. "You never heard of him?"

I shake my head. Why would I know of him? I do know ToysRu, just as I know other brand names. But does anyone really know who the top heads behind those names are? Who's the CEO of StarBucks, or McDonald's? They are not the Royal Family, or the Kardashians, you can read so much about in every paper.

"How did you meet him?" I ask.

And then Ishizu tells me the story. She was in the city between two classes with some of her study mates, when a man in a business suit and a mustache approached them and gave them his card, no, the card of some rich guy of course and asked the girls if they would want to come to a special vip party. The whole thing sounded sketchy so they refused at first, but one of the girls said she needed the money and she didn't want to go alone, so Ishizu went with her.

"She does not really need money, she was hoping to see some stars," Ishizu says.

And they did. Ishizu's friend got someone who was younger than her, but she was excited nonetheless. Ishizu got some boring older man. She does not want to tell me their names and I pout at that. They had to stick with their guys the whole evening, they even got a selection of dresses in their size beforehand.

"It was just a plain, boring party actually," Ishizu says, "if it wasn't for all the known faces. And the champagne."

"Yeah, I remember you sneaking out lately like three or four months ago." She nods. "And those stars couldn't find any escort service or something like that?" I ask.

Ishizu shrugs. "It was the idea of J- Sasha's guy." She clears her throat, closing her eyes. Too late, Sis, I caught the first letter of that mysterious guys name! J... Who could that be? "He said he had enough of those boring models and wanted some 'real women'."

I look her straight in the eye. "Was it Justin Bieber?"

"No. After some while I caught the attention of Seto. Of course I didn't know who he was, but I noticed him looking at me," she grins, eyes moving away from mine and into her memory. "Eventually he approached me and we started talking."

"How old is he?" I ask.

"Twenty-five."

"Oh!"

"You thought he was older, didn't you?"

"Yeah. I mean, he's CEO with twenty-five years? Wow, that's -"

"His father died recently, that's why he became CEO."

Our food and drinks come. I ask her more about Seto and how college is going, how the apartment looks and so on. Ishizu does not see Seto often, and when, he pays her plane tickets so she can see him in the hotel he currently resides. Sometimes, if she has the time, she stays with him for a couple of days. "But for now I am busy with college," she says.

* * *

Afterwards it's her turn to ask me things. We finish eating and Ishizu pays, leaving the waitress a small tip. We stroll around on the boulevard, laughing at the prices in the display windows and talk about Bakura. Okay, _I_ talk about Bakura. I can't help it! I haven't seen him today yet and it's not like I see him often, but I miss him. He is busy these days, I tell Ishizu. I see him reading a lot of books for school and being at home a lot.

Ishizu grins at me and I feel my cheeks heat up. Gah, yeah, I have a very obvious crush on him, haven't I? So what. I tell Ishizu how he cooks rice for me, even leaves fruits on the counter now, telling me he got too many and they will get bad before he eats them anyways. Also, I found his secret stash of food. One cupboard is filled with empty metal boxes and Tupperware, but sometimes, behind those boxes, there's a bag of apples. Or a pound of rice.

"But he's still mean to me," I add. "Calling me 'shorty' or 'brat'. He's just two inches taller!"

"I think he likes you as well," Ishizu says.

"Why is he insulting me all the time, then?"

"I don't know. It sounds like a self-defense mechanism to me." Yeah, that's what I also think. I nod. There's a bit of silence then. Ishizu frowns and opens her mouth, but she closes it again.

"Yes? What do you want to say?"

"Maybe he's... just not gay." It's the first time she mentions that word. I look away. We never talked about my obvious sexuality. I don't have the feeling that Ishizu thinks that there's something wrong with it. Quite the contrary, she teases me with being in love with Bakura since I mentioned him, as if it was the most normal thing.

But now the situation is different. She is using the word, asking me if I am indeed gay, needing a confirmation.

So I give it to her. "Oh, he is gay!" I chuckle nervously. "Nobody ever stops telling me that _he is also gay_ , the girls all figured out that I'm in love with Bakura and annoy me daily!" I rant. "Only Mahad and the other cooks and Mai never mention him."

Ishizu looks ahead of her, nodding.

I feel embarrassed, but why. "Oh, I learned something from Mahad the other day!" I say. "He lives just the street across from the club. I heard him asking Akefia if he could move into the apartment above the club, since it's empty. I don't understand why he would want to move all his belongings like thirty feet from one place to another. Weird, heh?"

"Maybe it's cheaper," Ishizu replies.

* * *

We head for the park, it is nearby. Rishid finally told Dad that he and Ishizu know where I am and that I am fine. He was angry of course and demanded to know my whereabouts, but Rishid could not tell him because he honestly doesn't know. It's good Ishizu did not tell Rishid. He could have babbled it out. He's not good under pressure. Always the first one to tell.

Ishizu's voice sounds different when she tells me this. I am not sure why, but I know it is because of Dad. He must have said something or done something. She doesn't tell me what. I push and push her and eventually she tells me a half-truth; that Dad doesn't want to see me ever again.

I thought he already told me that. That if I leave, I cannot come back. So the words aren't shocking me. It's Ishizu's voice which I cannot forget. The syllables muttered slowly and hesitant. ' _He doesn't want to see you ever again._ '

I know there's more behind this, but I have annoyed my sister enough. We change the topic to something more cheerful. Then the time is up and Ishizu says she has to return to her college. "Cannot miss that history class," she says.

I bring her back to the train station. We say our goodbyes and hug. Long. I don't want to let her go. She will be busy for the next month, there are tests and exams coming, but we can meet after that, she says.

* * *

I walk back home. Guess who I see jumping out of a car in the backyard? Right, Bakura. "See you tomorrow!" Zork yells, already pulling back. I barely manage not to get knocked over and follow Bakura up the fire escape. Has he seen me?

He actually stops and looks back, presumably he has heard my steps. He glares at me upon recognition and picks up his pace. "Hey!" I yell.

"Where the fuck do you come from," he mutters.

"I was meeting my sister."

"Rhetorical question, moron. Like I would care."

He opens up his window and climbs inside, closing it before me when I show signs of trying to get in too. "Piss off!" His voice is damped.

Wasn't expecting anything else. So I go up into my own room. I take off my coat and shoes, throw the gift on my bed and head downstairs again, this time taking the other stairs.

His room is open, I hear him rummaging in the kitchen. "What? Hungry?" he asks.

"Nope, already ate." I open the door to the kitchen, seeing him putting something into the fridge. It makes a sound, the sound six bottles being crammed into a small space make.

He glances behind himself to the counter. "There's still- There are still some apples left," he mutters.

"Yes, I know. Thanks."

"Stop thanking me." He passes me, taking his long coat off. "Won't have time to get more food this week, just so you know."

"Alright." I follow him into his room.

He undresses. There's text on his sweater. I move my head so I can read it. ' _Fuck the system_ ' it says. Awesome. But wait a minute, I don't know this one. Thought I knew all of his hoodies. Is it new?

"Something you want?" He glares at me, sitting down at his desk.

"Nah, just visiting." I shrug.

"Geez, I have a thousand things to do, would you just leave me alone?" He begins to collect the garbage on his desk, stuffing as much possible into the pencil holder. The rest he throws casually on his bed, then uses his palm to swipe the wood clean. Lovely.

I sigh and pick the used napkins and wrappers from his bed and throw them in the trashcan in the kitchen. When I come back I get my pay: An angry snort and a glare. Speaking of snorting, Bakura grabs his tissues and blows his nose clean. He always does it in the first ten minutes when he comes into his room and I wonder why. Must be dust allergy. Easily fixable with a duster and a hoover. But who would dare to destroy the beautiful mess in this room with such outrageous acts!

I sit down on his bed after shoving some clothes aside and watch him unpack his backpack, getting out books. He searches for something to write on his desk, making me wonder if he doesn't write something down when he's at school. He's not yelling for me to go, maybe because I am silent. I lay down on his bed and watch him out of the corner of my eye.

* * *

I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I see is Bakura being near me. Am I dreaming? But no, it's just him putting books on the bed, next to me. "Dontcha have to work or something," he murmurs.

"It's Monday," I mumble back.

He groans as response and sits back on his desk. He retrieves a notebook from under it, from one of the drawers. I've seen this notebook before. He turns the pages up till the middle of it, then begins writing. I take a look at the books besides me: Spanish, Maths, History, plus various notebooks and a big binder.

I take the math book and peek inside. Huh wait, this looks like ...Algebra? I had all of this stuff last year. I assumed that Bakura was a junior like me. Didn't he say he is sixteen? I check the cover of the book again. Right, it even says 'for sophomores' on it. "You're in the second year?" I say and look up.

Bakura freezes, then sighs and turns his head to me. "So what? Shut the fuck up."

"I was just wondering. You're sixteen, aren't you?"

Another sigh. "Yes!"

"Oh, maybe your birthday is on the edge of-"

"No! Now shut up or I kick you out!" He's in rage by now, so I drop the subject.

I browse his other books, but most of the stuff I already know. Save for Spanish though. I try to understand it, but it's already the advanced book. I turn on my back and browse through it. I'm quickly bored. "That one waitress is Spanish, isn't she," I say.

Bakura doesn't reply for a long time, just continues scribbling. I turn on my stomach again and contemplate leaving. It's not like he's gonna talk to me anyways. And I'm afraid that I might annoy him so much that I lose the privilege to be in his room.

Suddenly I remember Ishizu's gift still laying on my bed. I sit up.

Bakura closes his notebook and puts it back in the drawer. "No, she's from Greece."

"Huh?"

He turns around on his chair, putting his legs around the backrest and his head on his arm. "The waitress you were talking about. Voula? She's from Greece."

"I don't know her name. Dark hair, speaks loudly-"

"Yeah, that's her. Voula. Or maybe the other one? Dotty?"

"No, I know Dotty."

"Or Jessyka?"

"Jessika? That's the one with the red lipstick, right?"

"Yes." Bakura closes his eyes and sighs. "How long are you here now? And you still don't know their names."

I push my hands into the mattress. "Hey, it's not even a month! I have to remember so many things! There are also hundreds of the stripper girls, how am I sup-"

"Hundreds?" Bakura laughs. "More like twenty."

I glare at him. Again, he's laughing at me. There are only twenty? Uh, I guess I'm bad at remembering faces and names then. "As if you know all of them!"

"I don't need to, I don't work there," he says quickly and gets up. He pats his jeans. I know what he's looking for.

"Have you considered to give up that habit?" I ask, crossing my arms before my chest.

He frowns at me, then understands. "For you, baby, anytime!" he says, raising his eyebrows and sticking his tongue out. Dammit, stop making fun of me! He finds the pack and turns around to search for a lighter, I suppose. He turns back to me. "Is there a matchbox somewhere on the bed?" He points to the pile of stuff next to me.

"Not for smoking," I mumble, but look anyways. I find it and throw it to him.

He puts one cigarette in his mouth, then lights it.

I start coughing as a protest. "Don't do that in here!"

"It's my fucking room," he says, but proceeds to open the window and leans outside, making his behind stick out. There's no way you wouldn't stare on it, even if you weren't gay. The elegant valley between his shoulder blades going all the way down, his shirt not tucked in completely into the pants, the folds of his jeans leading to the middle of his ass.

Ah, stop thinking about his ass! What was it I wanted to do a minute ago? Right, I wanted to get the present and open it. What's inside? Not a coat, she said. That wouldn't fit anyway. Maybe a book? I let myself fall on the bed. The shape could be deceiving though, it could be something smaller in a box. Oh my god, maybe it's a mobile! I want to know. But if I go now, Bakura might close the door and not let me in again. I check my watch. It's five pm. Nah, I can still open it later, there's no hurry. It's just my curiosity nagging.

Bakura finishes his smoke and closes his window. He coughs, then sneezes. "Your body hates what you do to it," I comment.

"Shut up." The room smells of his cigarette. I stay on his bed and watch him leave the room. I sit up. Maybe now I could quickly...?

* * *

Yep, it seems like a good chance. He goes to the kitchen. I hear the electric kettle starting. I jump up and open the window, then climb through. Ugh, going on those steps in socks only wasn't a good idea. The fire escape isn't wet, but still cold and the metal has sharp edges. I tiptoe upstairs and climb inside my room, snatch the gift and climb back outside. I tiptoe back, finding Bakura sitting on the bed.

He has his laptop on his lap. "You know, you do have your own room."

"But it's empty," I reply silently, not expecting him to hear me.

He jerks his head to me. "I'm never gonna fuck you, so stop it!"

I press my jaws together. "Who said anything about fucking," I mumble between my teeth.

"You! You don't say it with words, but I'm not blind, okay?" He glances at me, then uses the touch-pad and clicks on it. I bite my lip. "You're gay, I am gay, you watch every fucking move I make, you want to spend as much time as possible with me, come here after showering half-naked- shall I go on?" He looks at me. the electric kettle finishes its work with a loud 'click'.

I move to his desk and sit on the chair, the present in my lap. I'm at a loss for words. I feel my cheeks flushing. He has seen through me completely. I don't dare to look directly at him and just stare ahead of me.

He's clicking and typing, then gets up and leaves his laptop on the bed. I hear him pouring water into something. I lean over the chair to take a look on the display, but he's already back. "Great, now I've got to make a password for my computer," he mutters.

"What?" I blink. "Because of me?"

"Yeah, because of you," he sighs, sipping from a cup. Tea? He puts the cup on the floor and lays down on the bed with his laptop in his lap.

I want some tea too. If I leave now, would he close the door behind me? Oh well, I'll make him open it up again! I get up and go to the kitchen, look in the cupboard where I found coffee once, but there is no tea. Hmm. "Bakura?" No answer. I step closer to the door. "Bakura, where-"

"In the cupboard above the sink."

"Thanks!"

"Shutup."

That's his catchphrase. Shut up. Could make a drinking game out of it. If I drank. I open the mentioned cupboard and choose peppermint tea, put the bag in a cup and pour water over it. I put too much water in it and cautiously scurry over the hall to Bakura's room.

In that moment the apartment door opens. Akefia. I freeze, unsure whether to go into the room or stay outside. Akefia must not see that I'm passing my time with Bakura. I don't want Bakura to get beat up because of me. Before I can react, Bakura is near me and grabs my arm, pulling me inside. "Moron," he mutters. He closes the door in the same second Akefia steps inside.

I pray he hasn't seen me. I don't move, neither does Bakura. "What were you waiting for," he groans under his breath, still holding my arm in a firm grip.

"I wasn't sure if I-"

"Shh."

We wait. We hear Kefia take off his shoes and throw them on the shoe cupboard. Then he gets off his coat and goes to the kitchen. A few seconds later he closes the fridges door and goes to his room, closing the door behind himself.

We breathe out. "You're lucky he didn't see you," Bakura says, releasing my arm.

"You mean, _you're_ lucky," I say, blowing on my tea.

"Eh, I get a beating, but afterwards he would keep his eye on you and checking on you." He plops on his bed and pulls the laptop to his lap.

"I don't want you to get beaten up because of me." I take a seat on the chair.

He glances at me. "Sure. Doesn't even matter, because he would beat me up for some other reason."

"It does matter." I frown. Sounds like my Dad. He too always finds a reason to ground me. Which is silly, actually, it's not like I was allowed to go outside either way. "And what do you mean by 'sure'? I mean it, I don't want you to get hurt because of me. Or because of anything else."

Bakura makes a sound between a sigh and a growl. "That's just your hormones talking."

I frown more. My hormones? Yeah, I'm full of them. So what? My feelings are still real.

* * *

We don't talk much then. Bakura watches some series and watch along, as good as I can from my spot at the desk. It's Sherlock Holmes, well, a different one. Kind of. I'm confused because it partially takes place in our time. Also it doesn't seem to be the first part, but- part ten? Hm, I wished I had my laptop with me.

The gift! I remember it again and look around for it on the desk, but it's gone.

"Looking for this?" Bakura lifts his arm up, holding it.

"Hey! When did you...?"

He grins his irresistible smirk at me and I pout. "Now, what could I ask in return for it...?" he ponders loudly, making a thoughtful expression. He moves the wrapped box in slow motions through the air, then stops. "Oh yeah, you could stop visiting me for a week."

"What? A week?" He nods. "And what if the heater dies?"

He drops his grin. "Oh yeah, I'm sure the heater would 'die' in that particular week, wouldn't it."

Dammit. One whole week, meaning seven days and nights without seeing or speaking to Bakura? "Heck, no." I shake my head. "Forget it."

He snorts a laugh. "Really?" He lets his arm drop and sits up. "You cannot make a week without me?" We stare at each other. His grins and laughs have vanished from his face. His serious expression is back. "You don't know me," he mutters.

"You're right, I don't know much. That's why I want to get to know you," I reply, pulling my lower lip between my teeth. My heart beats faster. It's embarrassing to speak about my feeling for someone, especially if that someone is sitting right there in front of me! But I get better at it, I think. I have to be confident about it.

"Which proves, that you're superficial. You're only interested in my looks." He peers at me, waiting for a reply.

I frown. "Well, yeah, sure I'm interested in your looks! How else would it work? First, you fall in love with someone because of their looks and then you get to know them and can see if you like their personality as well! If you don't like their personality but stay because of their looks, now _that_ is superficial, alright, but it's not if you're not even at that point yet!"

He glares at me now, then looks away. Hah, I'm right, you know I'm right! "Okay," he says slowly. "That's not new, every child knows that." Oh yeah, sure, now that I have explained it to you! "But you do know my personality a bit, don't you? I yell at you and fight and you're still interested. How's that not superficial?"

"Wait wait wait, who says I don't like your personality? Okay, yeah, you yell at me but-"

"Aw come on, don't pretend you-"

"Shut up and let me talk!" I'm on my knees by now, holding onto the backrest. He puts the laptop off his legs and crosses his arms. Uh, okay, just a sec. "Alright, yes, you're defensive, but as I proved a while ago, you care for me, so you're not a bad guy." He rolls his eyes. "You're aggressive because you're afraid to let anyone near you, you're afraid you might get hurt-"

"Hold it there," he cuts in. "I am not afraid. I'm just being realistic. In the long run, there's no such thing as love or friendship. People just get together because their bodies tell them so. After a while those wonderful feelings fade and they are left cold and alone. Just the way they always were, they just never realized it."

"What? So nobody has ever truly loved?" I blink several times and am physically taken aback a bit.

"They think they have." He shrugs and looks away. "Okay, in a way they have felt those things. What is reality, but literally what your brain experiences. Your mind makes it real indeed." He looks back at me. "But most people mistake some crush feeling for real love and think they're special. The truth is: No one is special. We're all the same. Life is not special, nothing is."

"Okay, we're all the same, I agree there," I say slowly. "And yeah, everybody thinks their relationship is special, because for them, it is! What's wrong about that?"

He looks away again. "They fool themselves that life can get better. That some day they will be famous or special and have a lot of money. That their real life hasn't begun yet." His voice gets quieter. "But it will never begin. They will stumble from school to some terrible job and waste their life at it, just to survive. There's nothing special at that."

We remain silent for a bit. Bakura's worldview makes me sad. He might be right with some things, but- "Life is what you make of it," I say. "It's special if you think that it is."

"No. It's special when it's different and exciting."

"Then! Then you have to make it different and exciting!"

"That's bullshit." He looks at me and his voice increases. "That's the old 'you can get everything if you really want' shit! But it's not true! Some people are born lucky and others are born in shit! A few of them make it and crawl out of their shit, but most of them don't! And if you think otherwise you're a delusional little idiot!" He grabs his laptop forcefully and folds it open. He proceeds to watch some YouTube clips.

I put my arms around the backrest and my head on them. I wished I knew what to say to him. I have only made him angrier with my words. But I do believe them. Life can be special. It's the only thing and the longest thing you'll ever do. Of course it can be tough at times, but you shouldn't be discouraged because of that. I perk up and repeat the last thought loudly.

Bakura shakes his head and sighs. "Marik, it's enough," he mutters.

"Alright," I reply and put my head back on my arms. Yeah, it's no use. I cannot cheer him up with my words.

* * *

I observe him watching YouTube, but I don't see what's going on on the screen because he has turned the laptop away from me. So I just listen to the sounds and the music and sip my tea.

After a while his laptop makes a bleeping noise and he looks around on his floor. "Marik, can you-" he starts, but I have already found the charging cable and hand it to him. "Thanks."

"Your tea," I say. He hasn't sipped it yet.

"Yeah, thanks." He sounds more content now. Weird. But good. Speaking his mind has seemed to helped him. Maybe I'm good for something after all.

But I am still unsure if I should stay any longer. He doesn't say that he wants me out any more, but that's surely because he is tired of saying it. I drink my cup empty and get up. He hands me his cup and I put both of them into the sink. No, I wash them now, Akefia shouldn't get suspicious because of some tea cups. I return to Bakura, who hasn't closed the door after me, who's still on the bed. He doesn't say anything.

"I'll go eat some rice," I say. "Want some too?" He has made it with vegetables and onions this time and I need to try it.

He sits up and looks at me. "Yeah. Yeah, just bring the whole pot." He closes the laptop and falls back on his back, sighing.

* * *

I'm smiling. I heat up the rice and bring it along with Bakura's chopsticks and a fork for me. We're gonna eat together! ~

He's talking to someone on his mobile when I get in, but makes room for me on the bed, so I sit down next to him. I hand him the chopsticks. "Uh, I don't know," he says to the person at the other end of the line. "I have only looked at chapter five and six." He grabs a big clump of rice and puts it in his mouth before I can say:

"Ahh, it's still hot!"

"Mm!" He clasps his hand before his mouth and widens his eyes. "Whay 'i'n't yoh tell mey!" he says with his full mouth.

"I just did," I chuckle and blow on my fork-full.

He chews and gulps. "Fuck you! No, not you, Duke. Look, I have no idea either, okay?" He scratches his head. "Last year she only made us learn chapter five and six so I don't know why- Yeah, sure could be different this time, but you know Mrs. Cha- Oh, you don't? Okay, see, I tell you, she always does the same stuff, whatdyou think I don't fail _her_ class?"

It's interesting to hear him talking to other people. Besides Akefia, because that doesn't count, since it's only fighting and not talking. He's confident and chuckling and rolling his eyes. Cute. Hot. His voice gets this weird pitch sometimes, but he corrects it by clearing his throat. Which is also hot. His Adam's apple vibrates then.

He eventually says bye and hangs up, sighing. "Ugh, that Duke is talking too much. Reminds me of you," he mutters. He pinches a new cluster of rice and blows on it.

I chuckle, smiling. He's mentioning me. "You're having a test?" I ask.

"Yeah." He shrugs. "But it's no big deal."

"Yes, I saw you learning a lot!" I smile at him.

He looks up, frowning. "Stop that," he murmurs.

I frown. I wanted to cheer you up. "What test? Maths?"

"Spanish."

"Hm. I had German."

"German?" He looks at me. "Now why German?"

I shrug. "Kinda thought it would come in handy. I do want to visit Europe some day. Maybe get a scholarship or have an exchange year."

"Yeah, so much for that," he chuckles.

"Why?"

"You're here now, aren't you?"

"I can still go back to school after the year here!"

"Sure."

I glare at him, but he doesn't look at me. Okay, fine, whatever. The present is laying near me and I grab it. He sees me doing that, but doesn't say anything, just continues chewing his food. "I got it," I say, playfully tilting my head, but he doesn't jump on that.

"Whatever." He grabs the pot and puts it on his lap. I pout and put the box aside, leaning closer to him to grab the pot, but he puts the chopsticks in it and holds it up, away from my reach. "Hah, and I got the food!"

"Ah, you ass!" I say, putting one hand on his knee and trying to touch the pot with the other. "You'll need to put it down anyways if you want to eat it!"

"Hah, maybe I'm full?" he grins, making me aware how close his face is too mine.

I'm blushing, I am sure I am blushing. He makes faces at me and I grin. I put my other hand on his leg as well, leaning close to him. "You're not full."

"Maybe I am," he says, his voice getting lower. I breathe faster and glance at his lips. I want to kiss him. He must sense that, too. And in the next moment his face relaxes and his lips part away half an inch. I lean closer, unsure if I have interpreted the signs right. You're supposed to tilt your head, right? I do that and open my mouth a bit.

Then he presses his lips together and starts chuckling. I lean back and my eye open wide. "You moron!" he laughs, or no, guffaws at me, looking me straight in the eyes. "You little stupid moron!"

He lowers the pot and I snatch it out of his hands. "It's not that funny," I grumble and shove a big clump of rice into my mouth. I feel my cheeks becoming red once more this evening, as his snorts and laughs continue. His whole body shakes.

"You really thought I would kiss you!"

"Yeah, yeah. Ha. Ha."

"You even moved your head like in some cheesy movie and- bpfhahahahahahaha - !"

"Ughh!"

"Stupid Marik...!"

"Uhh."

I put more and more rice in my mouth, until I have trouble chewing it. I don't look up, cannot look in his eyes and hope he'll stop laughing soon. As his laugh is only a gurgle, he takes a big breath and touches my knee. I look up.

"Okay, sorry, that was mean, huh?" He's still grinning tho.

I nod and chew.

"Hey, don't eat it all up!" he says and grabs the pot from me. "Okay, I'm not doing this again, okay, I promise. It was just... that look you got in your face! Adorable!" He starts laughing again but this time I look at him. Adorable? I'm still chewing and cannot talk yet.

"Here." He grabs the gift and throws it in my lap. "Open this up already."

I put the fork down, gulp down and grab the box. "I may open it? Wow. Thought, I'll have to be banished a week from your room first."

"Aw, cut it," he says. "I said I'm sorry, didn't I?"

"Yeah, since when do you have manners," I mumble.

He shrugs, then puts the pot away. "Opeeen!"

"Yeah, yeah." I focus my attention to the present in front of me. Ishizu wraps her gifts in such a skilled manner, that I feel bad for opening them every single time. I push my fingernail under one corner of the paper and tear it off, as Bakura watches. It's a box. At first it looks like a cell phone, but shortly I realize it's a tablet.

I open the box and pull it out along with the Styrofoam and some cables. "Oh wow, that's cool," I mumble, grinning. It's not a mobile, but a tablet! Maybe I can make calls with it as well...? I check the description on the box. "Damn, I cannot phone with it."

"So what, it's still cool." Bakura doesn't look too impressed though. "Your sister gave you this?"

"Yes, as a Christmas present."

He looks at me for a moment. "Did you give her something?"

"Ugh, no. I have no money, also I didn't think she would give me som-"

"Right. You can always use that excuse now."

I frown. "But I love Ishizu."

"I thought you ran away from your family."

"From my Dad. But I love my siblings. I-I love my Dad as well, it's just-"

"Siblings? How many do you have?"

"Two. A sister and a brother."

He nods, not looking particularly interested.

"Do you have siblings?"

He shakes his head. "Nope!" he says, making a expression - widening his eyes and pressing his lips together - and falls backwards on his bed. I grab the pot before it falls to its side from Bakura's impact and see that it's empty.

"Oh man, I'm still hungry!" I whine.

"Grab a beer," Bakura offers. "I'm not gonna finish them all anyways."

"I don't like beer. And you're not supposed to drink it either, you're only sixteen!"

"Bla, bla."

* * *

Not long, and he sits on the floor in front of the TV, playing games and sipping beer. He opened a bottle for me as well and I tried it, but it was disgusting. That is beer? It tastes like root beer in some way but without sugar and more - something else, oat or what is it made of. "Pussy," he calls me when I give him the bottle back.

I chill on his bed. This could become my favorite spot. Laying on Bakura's bed, breathing in his scent and listening to his mumbles. I start the tablet and play around with it, but there aren't many apps installed yet. I check out the options menu and adjust stuff like brightness and colors.

But even that gets boring after a while. "Why is your hair white?"

"Cause I fell into bleach when I was a kid."

"Okay, and now the truth, please."

"I am actually a twin and my brother passed away in my mommy's tummy and I saw its ghost and my hair turned white from the shock."

"Creative, but no."

"Um, I'm actually a bewitched bunny?"

"Aw! I like this one," I say and sit up, grabbing his hair from behind. "Yeah, I can see that, I see the bunny in you!"

I should have known that this was a mistake. In an instant, he turns around and slaps my hands away. "Don't," he groans. The TV's light behind him make it hard for me to see his facial expression. But his eyes are glaring at me, the dark pupils clearly visible on the whiteness of his eyeballs. Suddenly he's a threat again, a wild animal, impossible to be tamed.

"O-kay, sorry," I say, lifting my hands up.

"Get out," he says, his voice calmer, but still dangerous.

"Bakura, I didn't-"

"Get. Out." There's no doubt between those two words. He means it. I quickly get up and grab my tablet and its accessories. With a last look a confirm that he hasn't changed his mind. I stumble to the door and close it behind me.

* * *

How the fuck did that suddenly happen. I hear Kefia in his room talking to someone and take a look at my watch. Seven pm. Way too early for bed. I head upstairs and charge my tablet. What's the Wi-Fi password here? I will ask Bakura. Tomorrow, maybe. I am not sure if he will still be angry at me tomorrow.

Just for touching his hair. Ah, was that really that bad? I guess I forgot to whom I was talking to and was too touchy and too needy. But I cannot fake and pretend I am as cold as he is. I like to talk to people, I like to get personal. And of most things, I like him very, very much. And not only for his body, okay!

He was so much nicer today, up to this point. Yeah, we had fun actually! He let me stay in his room for the whole day! We ate together and he shared some of his deeper thoughts. He is opening up to me, isn't he? Or am I just seeing things? Pff, life is not pointless. You just need to have a goal. You'll see, I will make life worthwhile for you. You laughed so much today, didn't you? Just wait, just wait and let me get closer. I have to make small steps, but hey, I already spend the whole day with you.

It will get better. You will open up and I will get closer.

Just wait.

* * *

 **A/N: 'ToysRu' = 'ToysRUs'. That's obvious, right? I didn't want to use the real company, because replacing the real CEO with Kaiba - whoever that is - doesn't feel right. Small progress with Bakura again, but that's exactly the thing with him. I hope it's not too frustrating.**


	10. Day 30: Hot and Cold

**Day 30**

* * *

 _1/21/2016 - Thursday - Martin Luther Kind Day_

* * *

Thirty days have passed, almost a full month. Eleven remaining.

I haven't seen Bakura much the past weeks. I hear him talking to himself now and then, complaining about every single school subject he has, except Spanish, where I here him repeating English and Spanish words over and over again. The little growl he makes when he cannot remember a word is freakishly cute.  
How do I know all this? Well, Bakura had his window open the almost every day and so have I.

The day before yesterday he stopped learning. I guess the exam days are over? His window was open again, but he was silent. Yesterday too, and today as well. Today is MLK Day anyways, so the school is closed.

It's crazy to leave yourself exposed to the cold wind these days. Today we have 30 degrees, which is warm, but just a week ago it was only 11! I still opened the window now and then and listened to Bakura.

It was raining hard a few hours ago, now it's snowing! Finally snow! I love snow!  
As always, it comes too late, missing Christmas and New Year's Eve. But I was still happy to see it; it brings back a bit normality, a bit of my old life that I miss here.

Even here, in the city, the snow does its magic. It slows everything down, makes the streets emptier. Silently covering all rooftops, trees and streets in perfect whiteness. The snow does not judge, every house and every car gets a share. The neon blinking lights lose their strength under the powder. Cars drive slower. Kids and dogs play in the white wonder. The sky's heavy graveness diminishes upon the pure color. Winter finally took a hold of the city.

* * *

Last week I brought Bakura some washed clothes back. He was studying, furrowing his brows hard, tapping on the desk with a pencil. He didn't so much as glance at me and mumbled something like a 'thanks'. Some of the sweatshirts I washed for him are new. You can tell by the way the fabric feels and smells. Also I don't remember washing them before. Bakura doesn't strike me as someone who gets a lot of pocket money, if he even does. So how can he afford them?

Also last week, at work, I ran into two of the girls kissing each other in the dressing room. One of them, named 'Melody Rainbow' on stage, is nice to me, but we don't talk much. The other is called Katherine. She's one of those who don't make a break to smoke, but make a brake from smoking to dance. She doesn't seem to like me.  
But, I like them both. Because they're gay. I feel connected to them in some odd way.

They noticed me staring at them, so I turned away and pretended I came here to clean the table.

 _Also_ last week, we got a big shipment coming, lots of cardboard boxes with food ingredients, all frozen. You think that steak you get here is fresh? Nope, frozen. The fish? Frozen. The meat for the burger patties? Frozen. I had to unpack and store everything in the basement. Mahad told me to put the new stuff under the old stuff and throw it away when the date on it had passed. I had to throw away so much, it felt wrong.

Afterwards we put the ladder in the storage room - which was harder than it sounds; it only passes through the door horizontally - and I had to climb up and get the jars from the top shelf and hand them to Mahad. Jars with either garlic in oil or garlic in vinegar along with some herbs. Every month Mahad makes new ones. It's for the salad and some dips, but most of the times Mahad eats it himself, dripping some of it on a loaf of bread. He gave me a slice to try and ermarged! it's really good.

* * *

The day before yesterday my heater stopped working. No, for real. I went down and knocked at Bakura's door. He wasn't loud or angry at all, he did not even say a word. He had been already sleeping, so I said sorry, but he did not reply. He got the top mattress out and did not even shove it away, but let be next to his bed. He let himself fall on his bed and barely pulled the blankets over his body; already snoring.

Now, usually when I stay over night in Bakura's room, the next morning he yells at me to get up at around ten am, and because my brain does not function yet I don't say anything and just go up to my room or sit down in the kitchen with my forehead laying on the table and wait until I am awake.

But yesterday was different. I woke up at noon with no Bakura in the room. He must have went to school. I remember vaguely someone stepping over me in the middle of the night or in the early morning - for me, early in the morning is more like in the middle of my sleep. So this time I actually could chill a bit on the mattress on did not had to leave abruptly.

Soon, I got up and snooped around in his room, picking up some used tissues and emptied his garbage can. There was one book - Brave New World - which is well known and which every teenager should read, said my English teacher. I'm gonna ask Bakura if I may borrow it.

* * *

Now I'm laying on my bed, chatting with Ishizu. I could not install Whatsapp on my tablet, because it won't work without a SIM card in it. But Hangouts works, and that's almost the same thing. Except that I cannot talk to other people except Ishizu. Not that I had lots of friends in school. But I had Yuugi, my girlfriend and a couple of others.

But at least I have internet again! Bakura wasn't hesitant to tell me the password. It's 'Heineken3'. Heineken, the beer Akefia loves. Bakura says it tastes terrible. I do not have access to the world wide web when I am outside with my tablet, but inside the house I can talk to Ishizu and Jaden and reblog a hundred things on Tumblr again!

Jaden does not reply on Tumblr. In fact, he does not blog much anymore. Doesn't he have access to internet at his aunts place? There's something going on there, I know it. He was behaving strange, not telling me much about her. Plus, why wouldn't he go and live with her in the first place, but stay at Akefia's for so long?

There was another thing which struck me as odd. Why has Ishizu gifted me a tablet? I do have one, okay I _had_ one. It's gone, along with my previous life. But why would she gift me a second one, when she could get me the one in our house?

I asked her and she told me, that's the thing: she cannot just go and get it. Before I vanished, I left it on the coffee table in the living room. Every time Dad passes the coffee table he looks at it and sighs. When it ran out of battery, it vibrated and Dad rushed and called Rishid, because I surely must have send a message? Rishid explained to him that I didn't and Dad accused him of lying.

Ishizu does not want to go and get it, not even through Rishid. If it vanishes, Dad will notice and won't stop asking Rishid where it went.

* * *

I hear a car pulling up and look out of the window. Yep, it's Zork and the other guy. Joey. They climb out and yell Bakura's name.

"I hear ya!" Bakura yells back from the inside of his room. "Just come up!"

"What?" Joey shouts.

"Come! Up!"

"Okay!"

They get on the fire escape, Zork is carrying something in a big box. His breath goes fast, it's visible in the air. Joey sees me and says "Oi, it's that guy!" He does not have a scarf around his neck, nor does he wear gloves, but touches the metal railing of the fire escape with his bare hands. I watch them climb up and get inside Bakura's room. Zork glances at me, but does not say a thing.

I must say, and please don't think I am a hypocrite, diary, I really am not. But Zork is kind of ugly. His ears and his mouth are too big, while his eyes and nose are too small. Every time he looks at me, I get a chill in my spine. While Bakura's glares look dangerous as well, eye contact with him isn't unpleasant. He looks as if he could jump at your throat at any minute or yell obscenities at you. But you still know he wouldn't actually hurt you.

But Zork's gaze is different. Yeah, it's calm, that's what it is. Calm and calculating. As if he figured you all out already. You don't want to talk to him, you want to be ignored by him. He looks at you and you're afraid that he might smile at you.

* * *

I hear them laughing and talking about school and teachers, then about some girl at school. Okay, just Zork and Joey talk about her, Bakura does not contribute to the conversation. Huh. I always tried to make myself look straight and discussed the breast size and form of various girls with the other guys at school when they asked me even tho I never gave a damn.

Bakura is occupied with something else anyways, I can tell by the way his voice sounds. He's talking slow and makes random pauses between words.

Then I hear Zork talking and he does not seem that bad, he actually seems pretty insightful. "Don't worry too much," he says for example. "Worrying doesn't make your problems go away."

"I'm not worrying about stupid school!" Bakura snaps. "Just sayin' that Math is making me crazy!"

"Lol," says Joey. "You can copy from me. I'm gonna come earlier and sit next to ya."

"Yeah, cause copying from you will definitely get me a better grade," Bakura deadpans.

Then the topic changes, because whatever Zork brought in that box and Bakura was installing, it is ready now and Joey urges Bakura to turn it on. There's a noise, it's static from a radio. Then it cracks a few times and suddenly there's a loud voice talking: "...up to eight degrees on Sunday, expect rain throughout the day. The winter storm is coming on-"

Then it gets turned down and I cannot understand the words any longer. "Yeah, working," Bakura says. Winter storm? Living without a TV does have it's disadvantages.

"There's a USB plug-in," Joey says. "Lol, but what's this?" A mechanical sound follows, something gets pushed open or closed.

"That's for tapes," Zork replies.

"Tapes?"

"Yeah, tapes. Compact cassette? Those things that everybody used before the CD was invented?"

"Uh, kay," is Joeys answer.

Bakura laughs. "What do I owe you, Zork?"

"Three fiddy." They all laugh. "Nah, like fifteen bucks."

"Why's your name Zork by the way?" Joey asks. He doesn't get an answer.

A bit later they all go out; Bakura with his long coat flapping in the wind like Batman's cape in Jaden's comics. They get into Zork's car, turn on music and drive away. They don't look up when I watch them, but as Bakura climbs into the car, he notices me and I wave. He lifts his arm out of the window and shows me his middle finger. Yey. Joey says something to him and Bakura shrugs.

* * *

It's almost six and I have nothing to do, so I go downstairs. I hear Akefia talking in the dressing room. Uh, let's go to the kitchen. Mahad is there, preparing tacos. The dough is from yesterday. He cuts big squares and puts them on a turned muffin tin, so that they form into that taco shape, then puts the tin into the oven.

I have to cut some potatoes and fill in new 'soup' - uh, I mean oil in the fryer. The usual things. I am quite good with the lingo here used now. 'Reggea' means regular and the stuff you have to prepare before you actually open your restaurant is called 'meez' for whatever reason. 'Is it sexy?' means 'Is it looking presentable?' Presentation is important. A steak looks ten times more yummy if you put lots of sauce and some herbs on it.

It's a regular working day. I get to hear some chat while I clean the girls room. It's Anzu, talking about some guy she dates. I'm not really listening. Other girls talk about the upcoming storm, lots of them saying that they won't come to work during the weekend. When Anzu is done complaining about her guy, she nudges me playfully and asks me to get her cigarettes. I nod.

But a bit later, when I get my jacket and open the backdoor, I realize it's rain-snowing as hell. No way I'm going outside now. The whole backyard is thick with water, the drops drum loudly on the plastic chairs, melting away the snow. The sky has darkened already. "Aww, you're going, aren't you?" Anzu comes from behind.

I shake my head. "Sorry, no. Look, I'll get soaked along with your cigarettes." I hold the door open for Katherine and Sarah, who come rushing over the backyard, Katherine is holding her bag over her head for protection.

"Aw, but for me?" Anzu puts her hands on her hips and winks at me.

I shake my head again.

"Forget it, he's gay!" Katherine says, stepping in. She shakes her whole body - a lame imitation of a wet dog shaking - and puts her hair in order.

"What a shame," Anzu sighs, closing her eyes. "Hah, oh well, later then you'll go, yes?"

"It's not a shame," I mumble, letting the door go and it closes with a bang.

Yeah, I love my workplace.

* * *

Later again, when I check the girl's room for the second time, there's Katherine standing outside, smoking again, or still. The rain has stopped, so I should go and get the cigarettes for Anzu. In the meantime, three other girls have asked me to get them smokes. I put on my jacket, while Katherine watches me.

"Hey," I say, so she'll make room for me.

"You never get _me_ fags," she says, not moving an inch.

"What?" I push myself slowly between her and the door frame and step outside.

"You never get me cigarettes."

"I can, if you ask."

She widens her eyes at that. I did not mean it in any bad way. "If I ask?" she repeats loudly.

I open my mouth. "Uh, I-"

"Just piss off, I don't need you getting me anything anyways!" She kicks into my direction, without touching me.

Okay, let's start over. "I'm sorry, I-I didn't meant to offend you! I can get some for you, what's your brand?" I smile at her, but that does not work.

"Piss on your fake gentleness!" she spats. "Go! Get lost!"

I pout. I'm not give up here. It's just a misunderstanding. "Look, I don't understand what I have ever done to you. I am sorry if I hurt you in any way." I lift my hands, palms upwards. "I know you're gay and I-"

"Ahh-hah, so that's then! Fuck you! Think you're better cause you're a buttfucker." She takes a pull on her cig. "Fuck you!"

That doesn't make any sense! "But you're gay and I'm gay too, why-"

"Fuck you!" She throws her cig at me. "Stupid homo!"

Okay, it's useless. I stare at her for some seconds, then turn away and simply leave. What is wrong with her? Bakura's hostile too, but at least he makes sense. I thought all gays would like each other, even when they don't share the same gender. How can she discriminate me, while being gay herself?!

* * *

I don't meet Katherine again. I take my break at ten, not at nine as usual because Mahad needed me in the kitchen.

As I walk upstairs, I hear yelling. Bakura and Akefia, just as ever. You can hear them from the second floor on. I pick up my pace and rush up as fast as I can. Why is there so much hate in this place. Why can't you all just get along.

When I open the door, I hear the slap, see Akefia pulling Bakura's hair, then pushing him into his room. "Go and learn something for once!" I form my hands into fists and slam the door close. He _is_ learning, you asshole!

"Fuck you!" Bakura slams his door as well. Has he noticed me?

Akefia puts on a cigarette and lights it, before passing me in the hall. "Stupid kids," he mutters. I have to concentrate on my breath for it to go slower. He leaves then, closing the door forcefully.

I step to Bakura's room and he's already opening it, looking surprised when he sees me. "Hey," I say. His cheek is red.

"Hey," he mumbles, brushing me on his way out.

"You okay?"

"Never been," he says, going to the kitchen. He stops, grabbing the kitchen door, and looks back at me. "Hungry?" I smile and he rolls his eyes. "Just say yes or no."

"No, not yet." I follow him inside, he's staring into the fridge, which is empty, except for a can of beans. And beer of course.

"Wasn't there milk left?" he asks.

"It went bad, so I threw it away."

"What? It wasn't bad yet."

"But I tell you! It was almost cheese already."

"Ugh." He closes the door with force and sighs. A heavy sound, coming from the depths of his soul. I know this kind of sigh. It physically ends when you exhale, but the grief it brings upon continues to hurt for quite some time. He continues staring ahead, but his eyes are empty, his mind being somewhere else. His hand is still on the handle.

"Bakura," I whisper and touch his arm.

He moves and shoves me away. "Don't!" He avoids my gaze and goes back into his room. Don't... what? Don't pity me? Don't touch me? Don't come close me? I know it hurts, but you cannot close yourself up forever. I hear the beep the PlayStation does when you turn it on. And follow him.

* * *

What could I say? He does not want to be pitied, I understand that. He sits down in front of the TV and ignores me as I repeat his name.

I notice the big thing on his desk and ask: "Hey, wanna show me your new stereo?"

"Hm?" He turns his head to me and I point at the desk with my chin. "Oh yeah, I got it just today!" he grins and gets up. "It's old, really, but as long as it can play CD's I'm happy." We step to his desk, to the stereo. It's an ugly thing, bulky and grey. He turns it on and it plays some music from a CD, then he shows me the radio function. The antenna for the radio looks fragile. There are two compartments for tapes. The whole thing takes a third of his desk.

On my second iPod nano I have stored 16GB of music. The other one still works, but I didn't like the color anymore: Space Gray. It's still just grey, not 'spacey' at all.

"I had a stereo before, but it broke so I threw it away. Haven't had one for more than a year!" he tells me.

"Yeah, music is nice," I say, just to say something. I listen to him telling me how he has collected hundreds of CDs and now he can finally play them all and not just listen to YouTube clips on his mobile. He looks happy; his teeth showing as he grins, his eyes beaming.

He puts a CD into the disc tray and presses play and we listen to it. Rock music; a female singer. I nod, saying it's good. I sit down on his bed and watch him rock his head from side to side. He sits down next to me as the next songs starts. He looks at me, wanting to say something.

"Yeah?" I smile at him.

He bites his lip and looks away. "I'm getting pizza today," he says slowly. "I bet you want some too?" He looks at me.

I nod. "Yeah, sure! Get a big one!" I grin.

"Ugh, all of my money I spend on you," he mumbles, looking away again.

"Aww," I go. "You don't have to buy food for me, you know! It's really cute of you but I can get along with the food from downstairs."

He growls, glaring at me. "It's not like I buy it for you, I'm buying it for myself!" He crosses his arms before his chest. "But it's awkward to eat in front of you while you're sitting in my room watching me!"

"Okay, then I can get the food from downstairs and eat with you together, if that's better."

"Eugh, that food is terrible, how can you still eat it? Always the same shit."

It's true, I don't have much opinions. It's either one of the salads, but I only like the chicken one, or nachos or cheese - which both isn't really a dinner - or chili, or french fries. I don't like the hot dogs or the burgers. But if there's nothing else there, you eat it. "It's okay," I say to Bakura and shrug.

He sighs and let's his arms drop. "See, I have to get a share for you as well."

"And you say you're not a good guy."

"I'm not." Another dangerous looking glare, but I know it better and just grin at him. He does not even consider to kick me out of his room so we eat separately, but complains that he _has_ to spend his money on me. A perfect showcase of a tsundere, isn't he?

"I would pay for it, if I could," I say.

"Yeah, maybe next year." He gets up. Next year? Why would I stay here for so long. He skips four, five songs and sits back down. He looks at me, looks away, then pushes himself to the end of the bed to lean on the wall, his legs fully spread out on the bed. "I'm away tonight."

"Hm? Where you going?" I climb next to him and let my back and head fall against the wall. "Ah!" Ouch, that hurt. I rub my head. There's a poster above me.

Bakura chuckles at my pain. "Just out," he murmurs and closes his eyes.

"To your boyfriend or what?" If he's going to meet Zork or another friend he would tell me so, wouldn't he? So he's going to someone or someplace else. But he said he wanted to bring me pizza, so when is he gonna go out? "Are you going before or after the pizza?"

He does not answer, but simply shrugs. I listen to the new song coming up, getting a bit tired. I lean my head on Bakura's shoulder, but he jerks up and shoves me away. "Stop that."

I pout and straighten myself again. Too much intimacy for you? Ah, I'm allowed to sit next to him on his bed, that's progress as well. Don't push him too much, don't push! He's actually gonna get pizza for us. Eating together might become a habit. I feel a smirk tucking at my lips just by thinking at that.

* * *

As the CD is over we hear a sound from the hall. Akefia is standing there, staring at us, his hand on the handle. He closes the apartment door with force but I barely hear the sound because of the music.

"Oh fuck," Bakura mumbles, jumps up and dashes for the door.

"You're still not studying!" Akefia shouts.

"He was studying the whole fucking week!" I say, climbing out of the bed.

Bakura slams the door close and gives me an intensive look, lips pressed together. _Why did you say that?_ He turns the lock and steps away, his eyes closed, his hands on his ears. I'm not there anymore, only Akefia is, even though Bakura wants to keep him out.

He still invades Bakura's personal space without being physically in the room. His strong voice is enough. We can hear him and his words clearly, as he pounds at the door. "You're fucking lazy sod! Get your ass down and learn for school! You're good for nothing! Why do you even exist!"

Bakura let's out a clenched breath and frowns more and pushes his hands stronger on his ears, moving to the window, moving as far as he can from the door. I don't see him well, the room is dark now. The stereo turns itself off. The TV is on, but only displays the PlayStation's menu screen. The blue symbol moves in fast circles, illuminating the floor and Bakura's back and his hair.

I stand at the bed, arms crossed over my chest, breathing faster, biting my lip. If only I could say something! But the more I get involved, the more Akefia will be angry at his son. Does he know I am gay too? I hope no one downstairs has told him. He surely believes in the old cliche which says that every gay guy fucks every other gay guy.

"You've never been good for anything!" Akefia continues, still pounding a few times. "You're useless! If you have to repeat another year you'll get to sleep in the basement!"

I don't dare to touch Bakura, he will only slash at me. Or maybe I should let him hit me, maybe it'll do something good.

"Useless!" Akefia repeats. I let out a growl. Fucking stop it! Don't you see that you're hurting him?! Why on earth do you think that yelling at him will do something good?!

Bakura doesn't move, he's turned into stone. As I push myself away from the bed, he jolts though. "Fuck!" I say. The word is too short, I actually want to yell, yell at Akefia and at Bakura, yell at myself! Yell at the whole world! Why's everybody so angry at each other? Why's is there so little love left on this planet? Bakura grabs me, apparently thinking I am heading for the door.

"Don't," he whispers. His eyes are big. His grip is firm. We're close, but it does not matter in this moment.

I shake my head because there's no time for words and brush past him to his desk, turning on the stereo. "Get a grip and learn!" Akefia yells. The monochrome display gives me the word 'ready' and I press play, then turn the volume up. The first song blares into my ears, I feel the beat hitting my eardrums, feel it in my chest. It's loud, way too loud and that's wonderful.

* * *

I don't know if Akefia continues yelling or banging at the door. All sound gets lost under the loud cover of the beat, the guitar and the singer's yell. Bakura's looking at me, his eyebrows up in surprise, his lips parting. He turns his body towards me. I want to grin, but suppress the impulse - it seems to strong for this moment - and gently smile at him.

He snorts a laugh and smiles back. The pounding of the beat synchronizes with my heart. That must be the first time Bakura truly appreciates me. He does not stop looking at me. He says something, but I do not hear it.

"Huh?" I lean closer and so does he.

"I get the biggest pizza I can find tonight," he says into my ear.

We lean back and I grin more. He still looks at me, his smile still there. He puts his hands into his jeans' pockets and rocks to the music. "What's the band called?" I shout. He shakes his head and I lean closer. Hah, I want to yank him by his collar and plant a kiss on his lips. "What's the band called?" I shout instead near his ear.

He points to the poster at his wall. I lean over the bed, so I can see it better. 'Hey Gravity - Risen' it says on it in small letters. It's not a real life picture of the band but a scribbled image, showing five cartoonish people fly up in the air before a blue background. Is 'Hey Gravity' or 'Risen' the band name?

I turn around and sit on the bed, legs dangling. Bakura climbs back to his spot against the wall. I move next to him again, touching my arm with his for a second. I check my watch. Ten minutes left. We're closer now, so I guess he can hear me. "What kind of pizza are you getting?"

He looks at me, opening his mouth, but before he can answer, a strong thump comes from the door. The door visibly bulged at the bang. We stare at it, holding our breaths. It's like Akefia is right here in this room. His presence is making the walls feel closer. I am sure that he never left his spot before the door. My muscles are tensed. Fucking go already!

Bakura moves and breathes out. White hair touches my cheek, as he puts his head on my shoulder. The weight nudges my shoulder down a bit. "Is plain cheese okay?" he asks. He's warm. No wonder he's so closed up most of the times. With a father who does nothing but hurt you, you'll close up eventually. To bear the pain better. To keep it outside.

"Yes, cheese sounds good." I answer and he sits back up. Dammit, stay!

"You're too short for this," he says, shaking his head.

"Aw, then let me!" I tilt my head, but he doesn't let me touch him. He gets up to grab his laptop, turning it on.

Hm. He has a computer and he has a smartphone. Has he never considered to turn on music or a movie loud so that he does not have to listen to his Dad's insults? Alright, the phone might not be loud enough. Akefia does have a strong voice. But the laptop surely could drown him out, couldn't it?

Bakura doesn't come back next to me, but sits down at his desk with the computer. He opens Firefox and lo and behold, there are like thousands tabs open. Oh god, he's one of those people who never close one, because it might come in handy or because he's gonna read through it later. I get up and stand behind him and he turns around and makes an annoyed expression.

Okay, okay! I lift my hands and sit back on the bed. I watch him browsing some kind of forum, not being able to read anything and I check my watch every few minutes. The music is still loud as ever. I need to go soon, but for that we have to check if I can. Maybe Akefia's still there. But I won't turn off the music myself, I don't feel like I have the right to do so. When the time is up, I pat Bakura's shoulder.

"What?"

"Have to go back!"

He gives me a serious look, then reaches to the stereo and presses the pause button. The sudden silence is almost painful. My ears feel numb. He does not look at me while we listen for any sounds coming from outside. Fortunately, it's dead silent. He nods at me and smirks. "I'm gonna write down every expense I make for you."

"And then what?" I chuckle.

"You're gonna pay me back, once your year here is over."

"Who says I'll have money after the year?"

"Ah, your family is rich. After the year you can leave without any fear and your sister or brother or father's gonna pay!"

"Pff, we're not rich." Why does he think we're-

"You got a tablet for Christmas." He presses the pause button again and the song continues. He turns the volume down though.

"That does not mean we're rich," I say, frowning. It's just a tablet, what did it cost. Hundred Dollar? Two hundred? Bakura shrugs and puts his eyes back on the screen and his hand back on the mouse, scrolling. Alright. I tell him "See you at dinner!" and grin. He rolls his eyes at me.

* * *

Akefia is nowhere to be seen. Thinking of him infuriates me shortly, but as my feet hit the steps downstairs I have already forgotten about him. Yey! eating together with Bakura later! And pizza, nonetheless! Dad used to make us pizza sometimes, saying that that from Pizza Hut was full of 'poisons'. Never mind that Pizza Hut is out of business since forever. I think.

Mahad says I have to wash up. I squeeze past the cooks and see the sink. There are like a million plates in it. Okay, less. But I don't mind and put on my gloves, humming. I'm gonna eat dinner together with Bakura tonight! I'm super chill, nothing can interrupt my flow. It's a busy evening, and the waitresses are angry at the cooks and the cooks are angry at the waitresses. Everybody says the other's are too slow, stand in the way or aren't listening. I don't mind! I laugh at their squinted eyes and annoyed growls.

At midnight the other cooks leave. Sometimes they stay until the end on busy days, but not today. "We need sleep too," Mahad says, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Despite saying this, he always stays till the end.

"Except you," I say, chuckling.

"Mh." He shrugs.

I have finished almost all the tasks he gave me and lean back against the counter. There's something spilled on it and there's still a dirty pan waiting to be cleaned, but I need a moment to breathe. "Do you have family?"

"Uh? Ah, no," Mahad says, looking up. He fishes a new pack of cigarettes out, unwrapping it slowly. "This club's my family."

I don't really feel like this is true. Mahad isn't the most talkative person. He's yelling in the kitchen just as much as the others do, but he's only doing as much as he needs to, never much or less. He's giving me one task after another, while Mai lets me go upstairs a bit earlier now and then and doesn't make me clean the big jugs for example. Okay, maybe she does not let me clean them because as I tried, I spilled half the water of the bucket onto the floor.

But whatever. "I ran away from my family," I say.

He takes one cig out and puts the pack back in his pocket.

"But now I guess the club's my family as well!" I smile.

"Don't get used to it," Mahad says. "Better get out as soon as you can."

Why is everybody assuming that I won't? It's not like I'm trapped here forever, am I? "Yeah," I say. Mahad does not say more, just stares ahead with the cigarette in his hand.  
I think of Bakura. _He_ is kinda trapped here. With his father. Right, what if the year is over and I will have to leave Bakura? But who knows what will be in one year. Maybe it won't matter and we'll become friends and will meet in other places. Since when does Akefia use physical violence against him? I look at Mahad. "Do you know that Akefia is beating up his son?"

He looks bewildered to me. What, you didn't notice? "So what," he says and puts the cigarette in his mouth. He gets moving as he lights it on. "Kids need to get beat up." With that he goes to the next room, the storage room, leaving me standing in the kitchen.

I wipe up the spill on the counter in one motion and dump the pan in the sink, squat half the bottle of detergent on it and let water run on it, then go to Mai. Kids don't need to get beat up, what the fuck. Kids need love and understanding.

But whatever, stop thinking about it, stop. After tonight, I'll go upstairs and be greeted by my love! We'll eat together and laugh together and nobody can hurt us! What do I care what others think, as long as I can spend some time with Bakura.

* * *

Mai notices my mood and grins at me. I slice twenty lemons in no time, then fill up the empty straw container and finally help Mai wash out some glasses. That one song by Christina Aguilera is playing and the girls on stage shake their body parts. I rock from side to side as well and hum the song, not knowing the words. "Da da da... dirty! Da da da da... dirty!"

Mai hands out the last customer in waiting his drink, then every guy is turned away from us and facing the main stage. "Some more practice and you can join the girls on the stage," she says to me.

"What?" I laugh. I finished cleaning the last glass.

A thoughtful expression replaces her smile. "Is it... Bakura?"

I look up at her. "What, why? What do you mean?" I take off my gloves and stuff them into the pocket of my apron. Even Mai asks me about him! Hah, will this never stop?

She puts down her cleaned glass upside down. "I noticed that your mood is changed every time you come back from your break." She looks at me, smiling.

I don't even mind this time. I am an obvious fool, so what. I shrug and smile back at her.

We are silent for a moment, then I feel the need to address a topic. "His father beats him up." I wonder if she knows. She must know. She has surely seen Bakura passing by, going upstairs or downstairs, hearing them fight, seen his bruises. Will she deny it? Or shrug it off like Mahad?

Mai takes a long look at me. "Akefia is a horrible father."

I nod, she nods and that's that.

* * *

Mai is alright. She does not say much about other people, but when she does it's straight to the point and always the truth. Akefia _is_ a horrible father. As the evening is close to its end, Dotty breaks a glass and I run and clean it up. The sharp fragments are all over the table of some customers - though I'd rather call them drunk pervs. Their laughter stops when I arrive and they stare at me in silence as I pick up the glass parts. Dotty comes back with a rag and pushes me aside, cleans it up herself. The drunkards start grinning again.

Dotty is alright as well. One of the other waitresses would have let me do it myself. I mean it's my job, but it was also her fault.

I go to the girls dressing room to clean up for the last time this evening. There's a new wrapper on the table, the telephone is not hanged up correctly, and a bra is laying in the middle of the room. I put everything in order, as Anzu shows up along with 'Green' and 'Tokyo'.

"Heeya, how's Bakura doin'?" Tokyo grins, patting my shoulder.

"Oi, you've got no chance at this boy!" Anzu chimes in.

"Cleaning up? Attaboy!" Tokyo grabs the bra out of my hands.

I ignore them and go to check the bathroom. All three stalls look alright. I bet tomorrow I find some new unpleasant present here and nobody will admit the culprit. You wouldn't believe it, but girl's bathrooms are more worse than boy's bathrooms. Oh well, tomorrow the cleaning team is coming anyways.

Anzu and Tokyo start changing clothes, while the third girl, 'Green', goes to the bathroom as I walk out. I check the space outside, and yes, there are half a ton of cigarette stumps rolling on the ground, the wind playing with them. There's still snow in the backyard, up high til my ankle, but the plastic chairs have been cleaned of it by today's rain. I get the broom and sweep the cigarette stumps together, then want to return inside and get the dustpan. Only to find the door locked. Huh?

Usually, the door falls close by itself, unless you push it as far open as possible. Usually, you can open it from outside. It is heavy, but it's open. Now it's locked. I think I hear giggling inside.

I pat my apron. Where are the keys? I find them and open up. "That's not funny!" I say, glaring at the girls. Green, who comes out of the bathroom frowns.

"What are you talking about, sunshine?" Tokyo says, staring at me with half-open mouth. She's done changing clothes and picks out a lipstick out of her purse, tracing it over the upper, then the bottom lip, painting them dark red.

"You're silly." I walk past her and get the dustpan.

"Yeah, but you are gay," I hear her comment as I return.

I breathe out. I don't want to fight. I stop to stare at her. How is Bakura doing his menacing stare? He's good at it. I try not to blink.

The Japanese girl only chuckles. "What?"

Okay, forget it, I'm not the type for those kind of stares. "Leave me alone. What have I ever done to you!" I go outside, hear "What have I done to you!" being repeated by Tokyo in the most insulting voice and collect the cigarette stumps, throw them into the dumpster. It starts to snow again. I can't wait until I'm back upstairs in Bakura's room.

* * *

The club closes, the girls go home. Mai counts the money at the bar and Mahad smokes his last cigarette while I collect the left-over food. Again I try some conversation with him, asking if he's gonna move into our house but he just frowns. I'm not even sure if he frowns because of me. He does not look at me but stares at some point in the horizon as if I'm not even there. Fine.

I toss the apron on the counter in the kitchen and run out. After half a second of consideration I return and hang it on the hook at the wall, next to the other aprons. Just because I don't share Mahad's opinion it does not mean I should get lazy at my job.

I jump up the stairs, being hungry and excited. I open the apartment's door and hear music. It's not the band from before, it's something else. Bakura's door is open. "Heyo, Bakura!" I take of my shoes and rush into his room, yet it's empty. Huh? The kitchen was empty too, wasn't it? I go back and look inside. Yeah, empty.

Bakura must be outside getting the pizza. Isn't he afraid of Kefia coming into his room? But then again, Akefia wants to go into Bakura's room for Bakura and not for the room itself.

I sit down on the bed and listen to the music. Red Hot Chili Peppers, then the Zombies, and some others I don't recognize. Not long, and I hear a knock at the window. Bakura is standing outside, urging me to open up. I get up and open the window. Why is he coming this way when he knows that the window is closed?

"Knew you would wait here," he sighs, handing me the biggest cardboard box of pizza I have ever seen. It smells hot and greasy. I need to hold it with both hands, that's how big it is!

I sit down. "Where else would I be?" I grin, lifting the cardboard cover up. Hot steam pours out. Cheese is moving around, letting blobs of grease plop out of it. Yummy!

Bakura closes the window behind himself. "Don't start without me!" he scolds me, grinning. "Wait, let me get a beer first."

A minute later we sit down on his bed, the pizza box between us, balancing hot pieces of the most delicious pizza I have ever eaten on our fingertips. The first slice is eaten without any exchanged words; we're both hungry like wolfs, trying to find the right timing to bite into the pieces without burning our tongues. The stereo is off, so I can hear Bakura's loud munching sounds. "Where did you buy it?" I ask after a while, grabbing my second slice. "Pizza Hut?"

Bakura says something with his mouth being full and frowns.

"What?"

He gulps. "Does Pizza Hut still exist?"

I shrug. "Don't know either."

"No, it's from a small Italian takeout round the corner."

"They are still open at this hour?"

"That's their business strategy. They open up late but are open until the morning. There are lots of drunkards around and drunkards love to eat pizza at four am."

I'm impressed that that strategy works. They really have to rely on people buying their food at those weird hours. We fall back into silence and enjoy our food, only grunt and slurp here and there. We can eat a bit faster now as the pizza has cooled down. A bit of cheese drops from my slice on my jeans. Bakura's jeans. I look up at him and he just shrugs.

"Jeans are supposed to get dirty." He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. "What, that's why I gave you those jeans. Haven't you already lots of stains on them?"

I'm surprised that he's not getting mad at me for that and nod. "Yeah, true." I still try to rub the stain out but it stays. Something comes up in my mind. A thought that got lost in today's swirl of events. I watch Bakura, unsure if I should mention it. Kefia said something about Bakura repeating the year. The school year surely. That's why he wasn't worried about the Spanish test because Mrs. What's-her-name always does the same stuff.

I didn't know you can repeat the year. I don't remember anyone at my school having to 'repeat'. I mean, you can fail a class and then you gotta attend summer school or take the course the next year. But repeating one whole year? Never heard of that.

"I know, I'm hot, you can stop staring now," Bakura says while munching.

I grin and finish my last slice of pizza. He's still having one piece left, solitary waiting for him in the box. We actually shared the whole pizza, like friends! It may sound weird, but I feel closer to him now. We have the same stuff in our stomachs, our breath smells the same, the same taste lingers on our tongues.

Bakura licks the grease from his fingers, than pats his flat stomach and leans back. "Ugh. I'm full." He let's himself fall back, his hair spreading on the cover. Another weird thought comes up in my head: If he would let himself fall back into a snow pile, his hair wouldn't be distinguishable from the ground.

"You've got one slice left," I say.

"You can have it, I'm full. What time is it? I gotta go."

I look at my watch. "It's almost three am. Where d'you wanna go now?" I search for his eyes and we shortly connect them, but he breaks the contact quickly and lift himself up again.

"I gotta go," he repeats, but sits there unmoving. His lips are shiny from the pizza. His lids are hanging low.

"Bakura, are you repeating the school year?" I ask.

"Huh?" He wakes up from his stare and stands up, pulling at his jeans. "Why." He wears no belt. His jeans look like they will slip of his butt any moment.

"Kefia said-"

"Ugh, Kefia says a lot," he mumbles. He looks through a pile of clothes until he finds another pair of pants and pulls the belt out of them.

"But it's true?" I grab the last piece of pizza and bite the corner off.

He finds the right end of the belt and begins to put it through the belt loop. "Ugh, yeah," he mutters.

"The whole year? All classes?"

He turns to me abruptly, throwing his hands apart. "Yes! How many times do you have to ask? Yes, I repeat the whole year, all classes, every single one! You got it, yes?"

"Okay, yes," I mutter in between his outbreak. "I understand, sorry."

I chew my slice and watch him pulling the belt through the loop, closing it. Then he pulls his sweater off, revealing a bruised side and a thin chest. I can literally count his ribs. He searches his closet for something else to put on, reaching above and standing on his toes. I finish my pizza and swipe my hands against each other. My lips feel greasy. But man, it was good! I am full and happy.

Bakura found a shirt to put on, it's a simple white one. "Not too thin?" I ask.

"What?" He looks at me, putting one arm into the sleeve.

"It's cold today."

"Don't worry, Mom, I have a very warm coat," he deadpans.

I chuckle. Yeah, what's with his mother, actually? Somehow this topic seems even more controversial, even though neither he nor I have ever mentioned anything about our Moms. But I probably think that because talking about my own mother is a pain for me. I get up and grab the pizza box and bring it to the garbage can in the kitchen.

I come back and see Bakura in his coat, putting on his sneakers.

It's always so warm here. Bakura's heater is always on. I don't want to get upstairs and wait for mine to wake up first and _then_ turn it all the way up. "Bakura, if you're away..."

"Hm, what?" He ties his shoelaces.

"...I could sleep in your bed?" I put on a big smile and clap my hands together in front of my chest.

"What?" He bends up. "No! What do you think this is, a cheap motel? Stay in your own bed, Marik!" He gets up and goes to the door, locking it.

He said my name. It still makes me sparkle inside. But my facial expression reveals angry pursed lips. "And what if my heater stops working? Where are you going anyways at this hour? When will you be back?"

Bakura steps to the window, sighing, shaking his head at my questions. "I'll be back at six or maybe at nine, I don't know." He slides his window open and the cold air instantly hits me, making me flinch. He turns around, looking at me with a painful expression. "You're getting to close," he mutters. Then he looks away, down, to the ground. He blinks and looks back up to me. "Good night. If I find you in my room when I return you're dead."

With that, he leaves, his coat being the last thing I see, leaving the window opened. I slide it further open and lean my head out, hear him going downstairs, see him walking through the snow over the backyard. The rain washed most of the snow away, but a bit is still left, still illuminating the night. Bakura turns to the left at the corner. I close the window and rub my arms. Hurrr, so cold!

* * *

I am tired, my body knows it's time to sleep. The room smells of the pizza and beer. I collect the empty beer bottles that lay around here for who-knows-how-long and empty the bin as well. Lots of tissues and food boxes. After this, the garbage bin in the kitchen is full, so I put on my coat and take it outside.

The hall is still quiet, I am the only one here tonight. Where did Akefia go? I guess Bakura used this chance to go to his boyfriend. I don't meet anyone downstairs, the club is silent, except for some rustling sounds here and there, probably mice. If Bakura had a boyfriend though, wouldn't he had told me so? Instead of telling me 'you're not my type' he would say 'I've got a boyfriend' like in that meme. Conclusion: He hasn't got a boyfriend!

I open the backdoor and instantly freeze. The temperature has dropped. Fuck, it must be like zero degrees! Plus, it snows heavy! Thick flurries touch my head and my hands, coming from all sides with a sharp wind. "Fuck, fuck fuck!" The sky looks angry, loaded with dark clouds. Is the storm near already? I make my way, go the few steps to the garbage container, feeling like a robot. All my limbs are frozen. I don't dare to move. Every breath hurts, the air I inhale is so cold, so unbelievably cold.

I push the dumpster's lid open. The snow on it crumbles on my hands, making my fingers numb. I throw the bag in and hurry back inside, wipe my wet face. As the heavy door bangs close behind me, I dare to breathe deeper. So warm in here, ahh, so warm! I lock the door and go back home.

* * *

I have a real problem here. No way I can go outside with my silly jacket these days. I need a friggin' coat, lined thick with fur, going down to my ankles. And a thick scarf, _my_ thick scarf, laying around somewhere in my old room. I miss it, I miss it so much.

I return to Bakura's room. Okay, he said I cannot sleep in his bed, but maybe I could sleep on the mattress in his room? It's ridiculous, why can't I use his bed while he's away? I stand before it, fists on my hips, staring at the big comforter on it, covered with a blanket. Okay, no. I have to respect his wishes. Just because he is rude it does not mean that I am allowed to disregard his rules.

I'll just... I'll just lay down on it for a second. Okay, wait, first I'll go upstairs!

I grab my jacket and put my shoes on and go to my room via the fire escape. The railing is cold and wet, I almost slip on my way up. Rain and snow hit me from the side, afterwards I feel like I have just showered. I turn on the heater in my room, only up half, it shall not fail tonight. I hear it making the low hissing sound. There's something else. Wind. A long deep howl, coming from every everywhere, rushing to me, grabbing the curtains before my open window. I push them aside and climb out again, carefully sliding the window close and return downstairs. I hear somebody coming upstairs as I step into Bakura's room and close the door. Is it Akefia? I lock the door and listen.

The door opens. Yes, it's Kefia, I recognize his steps. He sighs and rustles, taking of his coat and shoes. He does not come closer but goes to the kitchen, closing the door. I relax. It's probably too late to yell at your son, right? Yeah, half past three my watch tells me.

So... I take my shoes and my jacket and plop on Bakura's bed. I sigh and stretch, closing my eyes. I'm just gonna rest here for a while until my heater has warmed up my room a bit. What difference does it make if I stay here for another half hour? The wind howls here too, but it's not as loud as upstairs.

* * *

My plan fails. I must have immediately fell asleep. I wake up, hearing the kitchen door open up again. Shit, what time is it? I wipe the drool off my chin and sit up. Half past five. Heh, whoops, I actually slept on his bed. Dammit. But it was by accident! And I did not get under the covers! I hear Akefia going into one of the other rooms.

I return upstairs. Less snow is falling, but the wind got stronger, blowing my hair into my face, stealing my sight for a moment. My room has warmed up a bit but it's not enough so I turn the heater up to maximum. Fucking stupid storm! Hopefully I won't have to go outside tomorrow. There's a 99% chance that we get a power outage anyways.

Bakura's room is so much warmer. He is so much warmer. I yearn for him. Where did you go in this storm? The world is so brutally cold, where did you go.

* * *

 **A/N: This chapter has almost 10,000 words O-O; Obvious theme in this chapter is obvious. I wanted to add this chapter a week ago actually, but I did not had the time to flesh it out completely. Because this story takes place in Kentucky, I have planned for a chapter where a snow storm will occur, buuut it seems a snow storm is already heading for Kentucky this weekend in real life buut the story isn't ready for this arc yet (and I am not sure if I can finish another chapter that fast) so nnnnnngh I dunno, we'll see e-e;  
**


	11. Day 31: Bakura's Bruise

**Day 31**

* * *

 _1/22/2016 - Friday_

* * *

The first thing I hear when I wake up is the wind. The noise sounds off and I immediately know why.

Back home in my little suburban street there's much more green, much more nature. Trees between each house and all around the house. High and proud they stand, oversee every little movement. I used to hear birds chirping every morning and every evening, hear the wind playing with the copious foliage. All neighbors and we too have precise cut lawns. There are flowered beds here and there but everything is down to perfection, forced into shapes. Only the majestic birch and hazelnut trees can grow without any restriction. Only once a year a team of ten neighbors get together and prune the branches a bit.

Here, I never have heard any birds chirping. Come to think of it here aren't many trees around, only in that rich boulevard in the park of course. So now, when the wind howls it never passes any branches or leaves. It simply passes, accompanied by the sound of traffic.

I love the city but I do miss a few things about my home. My life would be ideal if I could live near a forest and do my training there every evening. And eat breakfast there. With Bakura together. Then drive to the city to my work and meet Bakura there afterwards. Go together with him to the cinema or the bar. In Europe of course, Germany or maybe France, or Italy.

* * *

I get up and go downstairs to call Ishizu. She wrote me a lot of messages on Hangouts that I only saw now. She's worried because of the storm. It's near, I can feel it in my body. Maybe it's a thing that only Kentuckians can feel. I know it's closer than yesterday. It's coming.

Ishizu is glad that I call. Her school hasn't closed yet, but it will soon. The lectures are pretty much cancelled anyways, because more than half of the students and half of the teachers did not come. I listen to her, waiting for my turn to talk, noticing that all I wanna talk about is Bakura. I'm such a fool in love.

"...so I'm just gonna go back home," Ishizu finishes. "I shouldn't have come here."

"It's every year the same, isn't it?" I chuckle. "I don't really have access to a TV but I bet all the local channels get crazy about the storm. As if it's the first ever. It happens every single year!" Bakura has a TV but for as long as I'm here I have never seen him use it for anything else than his PlayStation.

"Well, it's still important to inform the people, Marik" Ishizu replies.

There's a pause, it's my turn to inform her about my personal news now. I breathe in and open my mouth.

Ishizu laughs. "Tell me about Bakura, yes. How is he?"

I close my mouth and pout, then bite on my lower lip. "Why do you-"

"You do want to give me the local news about him, don't you?"

"Gahh, yes!" I huff, feeling heat rising on my face. "We- We ate pizza together!" I grin. "I know it does not sound much, but we actually spend half the evening together, eating pizza. He's a bit friendlier now!"

"Aww, that is cute," she giggles.

"It's not," I moan, blushing more.

I tell her about the stereo and how I came up with the solution. That must be part of the reason he likes me a tiny bit more now, I guess. I do hope he finds me attractive as well. I mean, I am well trained and not ugly. Actually, I am pretty hot. Yeah, all the girls fall for me. And we would look good as a pair, standing aside. Me putting my head on his shoulder and he wrapping his arm around me-

What's with me today, I'm daydreaming so much!

I promise Ishizu to be careful and not to go out if I don't have to and she promises me the same. I ask her about Rishid and she tells me that he'll stay at work overnight. Kinda typical for an IT-guy. I can hear that Ishizu is smirking while she tells me that Dad did not approve of that, but Rishid did it anyways.

"He's stubborn when it comes to work," I smile. At least something. Our lives don't revolve around you, Dad.

* * *

Afterwards I put on a hoodie, it is cold. I'm just running around here in my underwear. I go upstairs and install the Facebook app because Ishizu mentioned something about a girl unfriending her on it, reminding me of the existence of that site. I'm gone for a month, my classmates are surely wondering where I am. I wonder if there are posts with my face been shared. Is my relationship status still the same? I wonder if I should change it to 'single'.

Poor Sarah, I haven't thought of her at all. Now that I have fallen in love with Bakura, I am ashamed of my need having to fake a relationship. I bet Sarah knows that our relationship was never real. I'm glad she never said anything about it. She could have easily mocked me in front of the others, like some of the girls or guys did in school to make their girl- or boyfriends do stuff for them. 'Aw, Sean never kisses me in school, but Bab's boyfriend does!' or similar. Must be hard to have a relationship in school.

And everybody's straight of course. We're thousand students at my school. If 10% are gay that must mean there are 99 other gay guys or girls at my school, plus all the bisexuals and pansexuals. But no one ever came out.

As the app is installed, my heartbeat increases. I put my data in and wait for it to load. I haven't been on it for over a month! How many private messages do I have? Ten? Twenty? More? The app is loading, slowly white and blue features appear, pictures and text. I stare at the right corner to find one single red box- Wait, what? That's it...? One? One message?

Okay, what was I expecting actually. Nobody liked me at my school. I touch it and the message opens. It's from Yuugi, written on the 29rd January 2015. Before I vanished.  
' _Hey sorry can you tell me what we had to do for chemistry class? I forgot to write it down_ '

That's it. That's all. One stupid message, and it's about chemistry class. Don't you wonder where I am, Yuugi? What about the others? Sarah? Oh yeah, Dad told the school he's homeschooling me, but still! Between my disappearance and Dad lying to the school a lot days have passed! But not even Yuugi wondered what happened to me!

And what about Sarah? I scroll around and find a text post of hers: / _drinking warm cocoa under my blanket #blessed #lifeisgood #snowstorm_ / No! Life isn't good when your boyfriend is missing! And what does this have to do with the storm? I tap her name and it loads her profile. She has changed her profile picture to her lying in her bikini in the sunshine. A picture of her last summer break. She was on some island in Europe.

I scroll down and read more posts. School is closed today, she writes. A picture of her cat making a derp face. More text posts. Five selfies of her in front of the mirror. A text post. A post of her window with the sun rising. This is all from today and it's only noon.

There, a text post from Micah from yesterday on her profile. It only says ' _;)_ ', nothing more. Her female friends commented on it and 12 people liked it. What the- The comments don't really tell me more. There's a ' _:P_ ', a ' _lol_ ' and a ' _double score!_ '. There are more comments under the last one: ' _It never was double okay_ '. Oh, that's from Sarah. What does it mean? Someone else wrote ' _suuure_ ' and Sarah replied: ' _mind your own goddamn business_ '.

I lean back on my chair. Oh, I understand. _Double score_. Double score as in having two guys at the same time. I fucking knew there was something going on between Sarah and Micah. It does not bug me as much. I'm not jealous, far from it. I'm just sad she did not respect me enough and cheated on me. Not that there was anything between us, so was it cheating...? We both knew I wasn't invested in that relationship, so why did she kept me for so long?

* * *

Whatever. I go into the kitchen and eat some chicken salad for breakfast. Bleh. It's always the same. As I chew the stale meat, I hear noise from Bakura's room. I smile. The day is starting now for real. Can't wait to look into those angry eyes.

But it's Akefia who comes out of his room first. He locks himself in the bathroom, showering. Then Bakura gets out, coming barefoot to me. His face turns from bored to annoyed when he sees me. His hair is a mess, lots of strands sticking out as if it had been back-combed, reminding me of Cher's hair or the hair from The Nanny. He yawns loudly and sits on the other chair across of me.

He stares at me for a while, without saying a word. His eyes unfocus and fall close from time to time.

"Morning," I grin.

"Ugh, mornin'," he mutters, yawning some more. "Why you're awake, it's too early, I need a coffeeee!" he quickly pushes out in one breath and leans back, letting his head fall back.

I grin at him and stab a fork full of lettuce, putting it in my mouth. "You look as if your pillow exploded."

"You're not funny," he replies, yawning some more.

It's addicting. I gulp and hide my yawn behind a fist. "Stop that."

He chuckles and let's his head drop back, his eyes fixed on me. "How long has the old man been in there?"

I shrug. "Ten minutes."

"Kay. Need to shower too, before the blackout."

"You don't know if the power will fall out yet."

"It happens every year, it will happen today again."

I cannot really argue there, he's right. Back at home I would have went to Costco's with Rishid to fight with other people over the last can of dried fruit. As if the apocalypse was coming. It's just one storm for one day. Just stay at home at this day, you don't need to buy a year's supply of canned soup. And still we joined the hysteria, I don't even know why. Everybody else does, so we do too.

Bakura puts his arms on the table and his head on top of his arms and remains silent while I finish my food. I get up and clean the Tupperware and let it dry. Bakura looks so miserable, I want to do something for him. "Is there still coffee left?" I ask.

He shrugs.

I look into the cupboard. Yeah, a bit is left. I don't drink much coffee, but I learned the different ways of how to make it. I grab the electric kettle, fill it with water and turn it on. Then I scoop two spoons of the instant coffee into a mug. Ishizu drinks instant coffee too now and then, but most of the times she uses the Espresso machine. The one George Clooney advertises for. "You need sugar? Or milk?" I ask over the loud rattling of the kettle.

"Mm."

That does not tell me anything. I nudge Bakura and poke and he finally lifts his head. "Sugar? Milk?" I try again.

He gets up, and peers inside the cup. "Don't," he begins. "Just don't do stuff for me." He fills in a spoon of sugar. I sit down. The kettle is done and turns off with a click. He pours water in it and stirs it with a spoon.

I watch him take his seat. "Why not?"

He blows on his coffee. "It's annoying."

* * *

Akefia comes into the kitchen and we get out. There is no word of exchange. It's frightening. Not Akefia - although he is frightening as well - but the mere lack of interaction between father and son is frightening. How can a family grow so cold.

Bakura goes showering and I go into his room and turn on the stereo. I switch it to the radio and listen to the news broadcast. "...of a massive blizzard. From North-Carolina to New York, over Kentucky and Tennessee, we urge you to stay at home and do not go outside," A nasal voice says. "Do not drive if you don't necessary have to, do not go outside if you don't necessary have to."

By the time Bakura comes back the voice utters more warnings about the weather, talks about Trump and Sanders and oil prices. I lie on Bakura's bed, arms crossed under my head. "Hey," he says, tiptoeing into the room. "Guess you're gonna sleep here tonight again, dontcha." I glance to him. He's wet, his hair even thicker than before, his naked chest shining. He bends over and dries his hair with a towel, only making it worse.

"Don't you ever go to a hairdresser," I murmur and sit up.

"What?" he asks under the towel.

"I'm gonna go shower too," I say louder and leave the room. "If the power cuts out the water will be cold as well, right?"

"Yeah."

* * *

The bathroom is moist when I get in. You know what, I'm not gonna shower, I'm gonna draw me a bath! The kitchen door opens and Akefia goes into his room. A few minutes later he leaves the house. I only hear it because he slams the apartment door loudly. I go to Bakura's room; his door stands open wide. I ask him for new clothes. "Just take what you need," he mutters. He's standing before the stereo, holding half a dozen CD's in his hands. He wears a sleeveless shirt and shorts, still barefoot.

He always says that, yet when I 'just take what I need' he yells at me. So he _does_ want me to ask every time. Which is fair, those are still his possessions. He wants me to be polite, I understand that.

As I watch the water streaming into the bathtub, I hear loud music emerging. It's as if Bakura celebrates that his father is gone. I go downstairs and collect the mails and letters. I have noticed that nobody else does this regularly. Akefia seems to grab his personal letters every day but he leaves everything else in until it bursts. There are tons of flyers and a letter which turns out to be just another ad.

Back in the bathroom, I undress and get into the hot water. Hah, it feels so good! I close my eyes and just lie there for a couple of minutes, listening to the occasional drop falling out of the tap into the water. Bakura's music got quieter. I kind of doze off. When I open my eyes again it's twelve minutes later.

"Marik!" Bakura yells.

"What?" I yell back.

"You're showering?"

"No, I'm taking a bath! Why?"

I hear his steps. Ah, I forgot to lock the door! I grab the edges of the tub, considering for a second if I should jump out and lock the door, but then he's already there. The door opens slowly, white hair coming first, then curious eyes. He cannot see my lower body from there, in that angle there's the tub between him and me. But if he came closer he could.

"Hey," he says slowly, his eyes going down, then up again. "Gonna take long?" I doubt he can see half my abs but his eyes still linger there for too long.

I turn towards him, put my arms on the edge of the bathtub and grin at him. "Why? Want me to stand up?"

He let's out a short laugh. "Pff, no! Just need to take a piss." He still stands there, letting all the warm air flow out. He's standing on one foot, swinging the other awkwardly back and forth, still staring. "Hurry up, kay?" Then he leaves me alone again.

I wash my hair, my body and rinse, pull the plug and put on my clothes. As the water begins to drain off, I hear a knock. "Done?" Bakura asks, already peeping in again.

"Argh, d'you really need to see me naked that bad?" I hiss and push the door close again. I'm haven't even dried myself off yet! He growls as answer. I put on underpants with my other hand, then grab the rest of the clothes and some towels and pull the door open. "Here, go!"

Again, he can't keep his eyes off of me. Thought I wasn't your type, eh Bakura? Or is it that you look at every guy? We're close, I walk out of the bathroom and he in, trying not to touch me, looking up into my eyes again, frowning while I grin.

* * *

I dry off in his room and put on a hoodie. I could chose what to wear and I chose the biggest hoodie I could find in his closet. It's purple with thick white laces, two sizes too wide and goes almost over my butt. I love it!

I sit down at Bakura's desk and listen more about the snow storm, no, it's a blizzard, says the radio DJ. The biggest blizzard since 1922! Heck, I hope Ishizu, Rishid and Dad will be fine! Can Rishid survive at his workplace if a power outage occurs? But then again it's an IT-building that surely have power backups and power backups for the power backups. Dad will stay at home, so Ishizu had to be the one to buy food and batteries.

Bakura is back and plugs in his phone and his laptop, then plops onto the bed. "How do you do that," he says slowly, while typing on his computer.

"What?" I turn around. The radio starts playing music.

"How do you keep your abs? Do you hit the gym before work?"

I flash a grin. "Hah, no, I just do a bit of work out."

"A bit of work out?" He looks up. "You're just muscles all over!" He blinks, his expression changing. "Hey, who gave you permission to take _that_ hoodie?" He puts the computer off his lap and stands up.

"You did! Don't you remember? ' _Just take what you need!_ '" I jeer, uttering the words in a deep voice, trying to mimic his.

He shows me his teeth. "What? Fuck you, Marik, that's my favorite one!" His voice increases in volume.

"Fine, I'll take it off then," I growl. I grab the back of the fabric and pull.

"No, forget it, you made it dirty already," he sighs.

"Dirty? What?" I pull the hoodie back down. "But I just took a bath, I'm not smelling or anything!" Now I got loud, because what the fuck! I'm not dirty, okay?!

"But you wore it, I don't want it anymore!"

"Okay! Then I'm gonna throw it in the washer and afterwards I'm gonna iron it! Is _that_ clean enough for you?" I get up. What's your problem? Why can't you be a bit more relaxed, Bakura?!

"Goood, shut up, no need to make a fuss 'bout it," he mumbles and sits back down. "Keep it, wash it, whatever." He continues typing on his laptop with his lips pursed in discontent.

I'm standing and breathe out loud. You're the one making a fuss. Part of me wants to make peace and tell him I'm sorry for taking this sweatshirt in particular, but another part of me wants to take it off, wash it and iron it, just for the sake of it, so he can see how ridiculous he is! But I'm not gonna do that. I sigh and sit back down, watching him.

He's typing a lot and fast, sometimes he waits, then a new thunderstorm of key-hitting follows. His face is expressionless. "What are you doing?" I ask.

"Typing."

"I can see that, but _what_ are you typing? A story?"

"A story?" He looks up, frowning. "No, I'm chatting."

"With whom? Your boyfriend?"

He rolls his eyes. "Boyfriend," he huffs and furrows his brows, as if the idea of being together with someone was ridiculous. He looks at me. "You're gonna be here all day again?"

"I never was a whole day with you in your room," I reply.

"But it feels like you're constantly here."

I shrug. You do know I have a crush on you, don't you? Is it that surprising that I want to spend as much time with you as possible?

* * *

We change places because Bakura wants to chat on his desk. I spread out on his bed and stretch myself until my bones make cracking sounds. Ahh. Then I turn around on my stomach and bury my face in his pillow. It smells like him. There's a long white hair on it. I grab it and examine it. It's completely white, no dark roots, not even a tiny bit of blonde in it.

"I do miss my weights though," I say.

Bakura's typing makes a break. "What?"

"My weights. For my work out. It's difficult to work on my biceps and triceps without them."

"Mh."

I am bored and Bakura is not listening but I feel the need to talk. I used to talk so much with Ishizu. Sometimes she would get me from school and we would talk on the way home and during the whole evening. For hours. She and me are talkative people, while Dad and Rishid can go days without saying as much as ten words.

Mom was talkative too, Rishid told me. She used to talk much to him and Ishizu. When Rishid was still the only child he always listened to her, wanting to make her happy. She was crying a lot, being depressed. But when she was talking, she smiled and was crying less. So Rishid let her talk and listened. Then Ishizu was born and Mom talked to her. Rishid was jealous as all children are, said Dad. He was only six years old then.

Four years later I came and killed Mom and Rishid talked even less. Ishizu did not understand what happened yet but Rishid took care of her, because Dad couldn't. It was as if her depression jumped over to him, stopping his mind, rendered him useless. Rishid took care of Ishizu and me.

Well, Dad did feed me and changed my diapers - he could not sleep much after Mom's death anyways. Having to take care of a baby actually helped him and made him less tired as if he had been laying only in his bed all the time. But during the day he just sat before the TV and it was Rishid who bathe me and played with me. As I grew, Dad took less and less care and Rishid took over, waking us up, bringing us to school, cooking food for us and so on.

Why am I thinking about the past? Just making myself sad.

"My girlfriend loved my biceps the most," I say.

Bakura stops typing again and turns his head to me. "Your _what_?" he laughs. "Your girlfriend?"

"I guess we're no longer together." I shrug.

"You don't have a girlfriend."

"Not anymore, no."

"But you never had one, did you?"

"I did! We kissed. ...sometimes."

"You had her so everybody would think you're straight or what?" He turns back to his computer and types more.

"Yeah, I guess. She just asked me one day if I wanted to be her boyfriend. Kind of just happened."

"But you never fucked her, did you?"

"No," I say, trying to imagine Sarah naked: Her nipples being hid under her long hair, small waist, then some hair down there I guess, or does she shave- Okay, why am I even thinking about her, gah. I only feel embarrassment upon seeing naked women. Not that I see a lot of them. But now and then you get exposed to them: Flashing ads on the internet or classmates in school showing other guys porn clips.

"You ever fucked?" Bakura asks.

"Um," I start, pondering whether or not to tell the truth. I glance at him, he's facing his screen.

He laughs. "That means no. Thought you looked like a virgin!"

"Hey, I'm only sixteen, shut up!" I growl, feeling my cheeks redden. It's perfectly okay to be a virgin with sixteen!

"So what, I'm sixteen too."

All the guys in my school already had sex, or at least so they said. When they asked if I banged Sarah yet - two days after we got together - I grinned and said 'sure' and they asked me how she's in bed. Luckily, before I had to answer, one guy said that she's surely a bomb in bed and that she looks as if she's loud, he loves it when they were loud. The topic shifted to what kind of girls they preferred in bed and I silently breathed out.

"Do you have," I begin, unsure how to phrase my question, "a lot of sex?"

Bakura turns around, stretching out his arm to me. "It's enough," he says nonchalant. "Gimme the phone."

"Give me the phone, _please_!" I say, but reach out and hand it over to him anyways.

"Thanks," he mumbles and turns away. He types on his phone, reads something on the screen and types more.

"You're talking to Zork?"

"No." He gets up and puts on a shirt, then another one, then jeans. Then his coat.

I sit up. "Where are you going? There's a blizzard outside!"

"Not yet." He wraps a scarf around his neck and goes to get his shoes.

"The shops gonna close soon."

"I know."

"Who are you meeting?"

"A guy." He sits on the bed and puts on his sneakers. His coat touches me.

I turn away, putting my arm under my head. If he's so against boyfriends, who is he meeting then? Another friend? "Joey?"

"What?"

"You're meeting Joey?"

"That's not his name, no."

Okay, whatever, I give up. "When are you gonna be back?"

"Soon. Don't want to hang around there during the storm."

"Hurry up then."

He gets up and opens the window. "Close the door, when Kefia comes, will you? He shouldn't see you hang around here, might think something false." Cold wind blows into my face and snow pours in, falling on the bed.

I turn on my back and sit up. "Huh, you're letting me stay here?"

He shrugs and puts one foot on the window sill. "You're gonna stay here whether or not I give you permission, won't you?"

I shake my head. "I won't if you really don't want me too."

He stares at me and breathes out through the nose. "No, it's fine, you can stay," he says and even gives me something like a grin. He climbs through the window; the fire escape making a sound when his feet hit it. "Don't lock this window, if you should leave, kay?"

"Okay!"

"Bye." He slides the window shut and turns around, speeding down.

* * *

I get up and turn on the stereo. What CD is inside? That Gravity one. I lie back on the bed and listen to it. The fourth song in particular kinda fits to my thoughts. '/You are, aaaare! You are, aaaare! You are, You're my first, you're my last, you're my first, you're my laaaaast!/' she yells. I wished Bakura would be my first and last. Where are you going, lover. Stay here. Stay with me.

I turn to my side and my hair falls into my face. I need to go to a hairdresser, it's been over a month. I usually go every month, one of the few things I enjoy to do with Dad. We both get our hair cut and afterwards we go and have lunch. I grab the back of my hair. I could actually make a tiny ponytail.

Kefia comes up the stairs and I close the door before he is inside the apartment.

It's three PM when the CD ends. Bakura is gone for almost an hour. The wind is still howling. I stare out of the window, seeing nothing but dark sky and white swirls of snow underneath. It's already dark. I turn on the lamp on the desk and grab a book from Bakura's book stack on the floor: Brave New World by Aldous Huxley.

I read for an hour. Now it's four PM and Bakura is still not back! I wonder if I turn on the TV, would it display the PlayStation's loading screen or would it show me some news? But I don't. I have Bakura figured out now. He does not has that much of a problem to let other people use his stuff, but you need to ask, be polite and patient. You have to give him some of your trust, and he'll appreciate that and trust you back.

I read for another half hour. The book is really good. I through half of it already. It helps me to keep my mind of Bakura.

Then, at a particular interesting part of the book, the light begins crackling and is gone within two seconds. I hear the fridge making a last buzzing sound, then it is silent as well. The TV's and the PlayStation's red stand-by lights turn off and the heater stops making his silent hissing sound.

Hello, power outage! I glance at the book page, squinting my eyes, but I cannot read the page number. I close the book and get up, stare out the window. Nothing but grayness and more grayness. Bakura, where the fuck are you?! I hope you're safe. I open the curtains wide. That little bit of the snow's light is better than nothing.

I go upstairs and get my blanket and my tablet. Dammit, I forgot to charge it. It still has 77% battery left tho. I return downstairs and hear the fire escape rattling. I open the window as my white-haired crush is near. He huffs and climbs through the window, having a bag over his shoulder. I close the window behind him.

* * *

He's all wet: His hair, his coat, everything has that light glint of wetness on it. I immediately notice the large bruise on his cheek, it's a new one. I keep track of his bruises now, knowing that former reddish and purple ones fade away to green and yellow eventually. This one is fresh and red. But Akefia is upstairs. They haven't met. So where does it come from?

He takes off the plastic bag and throws it on the bed, then takes of his coat. "Uh." His hair is still a mess. He sneezes a few times and cleans his nose with a kleenex and throws the tissue onto his desk.

"How did that happen?" I ask and point at his face.

"What?" He touches his cheek. "Oh, that." He shrugs and looks away. "I got milk and cereal, if ya hungry," he tells me, taking the bag.

I don't reply to that but grab his arm. "Bakura, did you got hit by something in the storm? Let me look at it-" But he shoves me away and goes to the kitchen.

"Don't touch me, goddammit."

"But you're injured!"

"You think I don't know that?" He opens the fridge and growls. "Power's out already?"

"Yeah."

I hear him storing the milk inside the fridge anyways and hiding the cereal box in the cupboard, along with a few other things, that I cannot see, because it's too dark. He comes back.

"Where did you got injured?"

He closes the room's door, then checks the heater. "We have to keep the window and door closed. Don't want to freeze tonight. You heard me?" He looks up.

I can't stand looking at his face and not knowing where the mark came from. Did he got into a fight? "Where do you have the food from?" I ask, because I remember the chaos that ensues where Rishid and I get our storm supplies from. Someone could have hit him while they fought for the cereal box.

He's standing before me while I sit on the bed. "You know," he begins, lifting his eyebrows up and pursing his lips, "there's a wonderful invention called Food City, where people can exchange money for food and clothing and-"

"Okay, shut up. I thought you may fought with someone in the supermarket. It used to happen to me and Rishid when we bought storm supplies but most of the times the people gave up when they saw me-" I trailed off and stop talking.

He rolls his eyes. "Oh yeah, cause you're so bulky and intimidating, aren't you." He grabs his laptop and lays down on the bed, his feet near me, his head away.

I'm not 'bulky'. I pout and crawl over to him. The shops must be closed by now. He was away for two and a half hours. He can't have spend all the time at Food City. I know where it is, it's not far. Even if he was slowed down due to the wind he wouldn't have needed over two hours to go there and come back, no.

He grunts as I sit next to him but let's me look at his laptop's screen, where Window 7 is starting. The screen's light illuminates the room. No more secret chatting now, huh? Oh, wait. Did he meet the guy with whom he was chatting before? Who was that and where did they meet and what did they-

Then it clicks. Didn't Jaden tell me that Bakura is promiscuous? I look up at him, study his face, imagining him kissing some guy he doesn't know. Closing his eyes as that guy's kisses go lower, both moaning. I turn my head away. No. That can't be true.

Window 7 has finished loading and Bakura types in his password, then pushing the computer further away on his lap. "This stupid thing is so slow," he moans. "Before it finally gonna load up, the battery will run out."

I fix my eyes on he bruise, now that there's more light falling on his face. It's not evenly shaped, it's more like a cut, but without the actual cut. Yeah, when I look closely at it I can see that the main part is a red line, as if he got hit with a whip, and around that line his skin swelled and became red.

"Okay, this is getting creepy," he comments and turns his head to me, sighing. "Stop thinking about that stupid bruise. It will go away."

"Yeah? When?" I ask, frowning. "It looks pretty bad."

"But it's not. It doesn't hurt."

"It looks like it hurts."

"But it doesn't!" he says, leaning in. "Stop it, okay?! You're getting on my nerves!"

"I'm just worrying! Shouldn't I be worried when you come back home all bruised?" I yell back.

He clenches his teeth. "Stop acting as if we're friends! No one told you to get worried about me!"

* * *

Akefia's door opens and we fall into silence. We're still glaring at each other. He's breathing through his nose, his huff getting more and more quieter. Kefia goes into the kitchen and Bakura turns his head to the door. We hear matches striking a few times, then a flame hissing. A bit of silence. Then it sounds as if Kefia is opening a cupboard. The lower one, near the door.

"Oh no, he doesn't!" Bakura says and hands me the laptop. He jumps out of the bed, opens the door and stomps to the kitchen. "Hey! Get your hands of my food!"

I get out of the bed as well and rush to the door. "You're gonna let your old father starve?" Akefia's voice is loud. A pause, then: "I do not remember hitting you there."

"Give me that!" Bakura yells, the pitch of his voice shaking. I'm in the hall now and see him snatching a can out of Kefia's hands, but the older man gives him a smack on his forehead.

"It's just one can, Bakura!"

The only light that makes things somewhat visible comes from a single candle flickering somewhere behind Akefia in the kitchen. It illuminates Bakura's face but leaves Akefia's dark with lots of shadows and no highlights.

"I don't care, it's _my_ food, you can piss off!" Bakura takes a step back.

But then Akefia gets this look on his face, as if it turned to stone. His eyebrows are locked into place, his chin moves slightly up, tilting his head. He grabs Bakura by the arm and yanks him close, to give him a hard slap on his cheek. On his bruised cheek.

The sound echoes in my head as I hold my breath. I can feel my heart stop beating for a second. Oh no, you fucking didn't! "Stop it!" I shout, way too loud and way too whiny. "Stop hitting him!"

He either does not hear me or he doesn't care. I only need two seconds and two steps from my spot to theirs but by that time Akefia has slapped Bakura three times more. Bakura does not react in any way, he keeps his head steady while enduring the beating and does not even close his eyes but keeps staring into his father's face.

"Stop!" I shriek and push myself between them, grabbing Akefia's arm and pushing it to him, pushing him away. I cannot control my strength and so he actually has to take two steps back into the kitchen, so he won't fall backwards. "Why are you hitting your son?!" I yell at him, my hands turned to fists. I stand besides Bakura, who's staring at me.

"Marik," he says, huffing and staring at me, as if I was the one slapping him. His cheek is all red now, the color almost hiding his bruise.

And then Akefia lunges back, grabbing my arm. "Kid, do you want to sleep outside tonight?" he asks in a calm but loud voice, his face expressionless.

"No!" I pull my arm back and step away from him. "I want you to stop," I jump away once more, because he follows me in big steps, "hitting Bakura! He has not," again, I step away, "He doesn't deserve this!"

Bakura watches us for a bit, then goes into the kitchen and closes the door behind him. Gee, thanks for your support!

A bit of the candle's light still shines through the door's glass plate. I am careless for a moment and Kefia manages to grab my hoodie, and I pull back, but he is stronger. "You stay out of this," he breathes into my face, leaning down to me. I grab his arm, trying to make him let go of me. With an even weaker light, his features seem more threatening. On the other hand, he looks so much older so close up. "You will go upstairs now and stop bothering us."

"I didn't mean to push you so hard, I only wanted you to stop hitting him!" I say but he shakes his head and I stop talking.

"I don't care. You will go." He releases me from his grip and points at the door behind me. "Now."

"Okay!" I say, lifting my hands. I would like to take my blanket and tablet back upstairs, but I doubt he would let me. So I take a few steps backwards, then I open the apartment door and leave.

* * *

It is cold and pitch dark in the stair hall and I don't have my shoes on. But I don't have an option here, have I? Dammit, my room is surely cold, I never turned on the heater today. Hopefully I can return later to Bakura. I go upstairs and open the first door, tiptoe through the darkness and open my room. Yup, cold like a fridge in here. At least I've got this wonderful hoodie on me.

I hide under the remaining five blankets and tremble for a couple of minutes in fetal position, before it finally gets a bit warmer.

Is Bakura angry at me? I just tried to help. What, should I have just stand there and watched how he got slapped over and over again? On his hurt cheek, nonetheless. Don't you tell me that _that_ didn't hurt!

I hear steps on the fire escape. Not loud, but definitely steps on the metal. Bakura? I make a hole in my blanket fort and yes! It is him! I jump out and slide the window open. The howling snow storm tumbles inside and I clench my teeth. "Bakura."

"Come back down," he utters under his scarf. "I've got cookies." His hair and the scarf's ends fly into all directions.

"Yes! Just," I turn around and scoop my blankets with my arms, "a second. Can you-"

"Yeah, yeah," Bakura interrupts me, taking the ball of blankets. He makes room for me as I follow with my pillow. Shit, I can't see a thing! I use the pillow as a shield and concentrate on my feet as we descend. The wind pushes me to one side of the stairs and I have trouble to walk straight. I'm afraid I might slip! The steps and the railing are thick with snow, I would have to guess where I can put my foot next, if it wasn't for Bakura's marks helping me. And the coldness! I haven't even yet mentioned how incredibly cold the wind is! It feels like sharp knives cutting my skin. And my feet feel like they've turned into blocks of ice.

I bump into Bakura as he stops. We're there. He opens the window and we drop inside. Hah. It smells a bit bad in here and it's dark, but it's warm! Bakura's heater was on half power before the outage came so it's still cozily warm in here. His laptop is still on, waiting on the desk.

He throws my blankets on the bed, then unwraps his head out of the scarf and tosses the scarf and the coat into a corner.

I throw myself on his bed in between my blankets and his and bury my face in my pillow. My socks are completely soaked from the snow. Bakura actually came to get me! I look up.

He sighs and shakes his head. "Don't do that ever again, okay."

"What?"

"Getting in between."

I lift my upper body up, stretching my arms straight. "But it's not right that he hits you!"

He takes a step back and snorts. "Really?" he says loudly. "And I thought it's the most wonderful thing!"

"I'm on your side here," I say. "I want to help you but you never let me. I should wash out your bruise and put some disinfection spray on it."

He snorts some more, shaking his head. "You're still not getting it, Marik, are you? You're not on my side, nobody is. I don't have a ' _side_ '." He pronounces the word like it's something I made up. "We're not friends, okay?" I open my mouth but he lifts up his hand. "Yeah, I feed you and let you sleep on the mattress but that only shows that I am not a complete monster. I do have some empathy for you, that's true, but I don't like you. We're not friends. So stop getting into my business."

I can't hold this position any longer and turn around to sit on the bed. We're not friends? Forget it, Bakura, even if you don't like me, I still like you. And besides: "You're not a monster." I lift my gaze back at him. He looks away, his lips shut tight. No wonder he can't stand it when I take his stuff. Kefia takes away so much from him and gives him nothing in return. He does not know it any different.

"I'm gonna wash your face now." I say and stand up. Think before you act. But also: Less talking, more action.

"What?" He crosses his arms before his body and moves away. "Stop this shit, Marik!"

I pass him and unlock the door. I lean close to the gap and peek out. "Where is he?" I whisper.

Bakura steps to me. "If you leave this room now, I'm not gonna let you back in."

I lean back and look at him. "Okay. I'm gonna bang at the door until he comes out then."

He let's out a breath through his nose, looking annoyed. Good, this would work then. "What do you want to wash my face for anyways?" he starts, but I don't let myself being dragged into this distraction and just go out, hands forward. My socks are still super wet. I reach a wall and find the door to the bathroom. I wet a corner of a towel, before I get a better idea.

I take another, dry towel and sneak to the kitchen, fumbling for a bowl. I fill it half with water, then tiptoe back into the hall. I don't need to knock, Bakura opens the door for me.

* * *

Bakura stands in the middle of his room, arms close to his body, watching me with angry eyes. I put the bowl and towel down, and step to his wardrobe.

No, wait, wrong. "Bakura," I turn around to him. "Can I get a fresh pair of socks? Mine are com-"

"Yeah, sure," he says, blinking.

As I sit down on the bed and change my socks, he continues watching me. Does he want to throw me out again? Why did you came up and got me then for? Finally, he let's his shoulders drop, his arms hang and comes over to me. "You're hungry? I haven't eaten yet, so I'm gonna get the cereal."

"You didn't had any breakfast yet?" I look up at him. It's almost evening.

"Just had the coffee at noon." He shrugs.

"The guy you met didn't offer you anything?" I ask.

He grins. "You can't stop sticking your nose into my stuff, can you?"

I blush and turn my head away. "A bit dinner would be nice actually." Maybe he's right. I am too invested in him. Waiting for him to wake up so I can meet him in the kitchen or looking out of the window so I don't miss him when he gets back from school. Visiting him in my work break. He has an own life with school and friends - and other guys apparently. But I don't.

He points to the bowl on the floor. "Let's do this first, right?" He sighs. He's about to sit down onto the mess of my blankets, but jerks up in the last moment. "Ouch, what's this?" He pats the blankets, then puts his hand under them and retrieves the book - Brave New World - and holds it up, staring at it. His face darkens. "Marik!" he spats and throws the book on the bed.

Oh, shit. I never asked him if I may read it. "Bakura, sorry, I-"

"I just fucking told you not to get into my stuff! Didn't I? What did I just told you?!" He stretches his arms down, clenching his fists. "Why can't you ask first?! It's _my_ stuff, not yours!" Here we go again! He's fuming, just like that. As if I just pressed a button.

I feel my cheek's getting red again, this time because of anger. But, no. I should calm down. Breathe in, breathe out. "I am sorry, Bakura. This was wrong of me. I couldn't help myself," I say calmly, not following him onto his level of volume. "It won't happen again, I promise." Talking in a soothing voice calms myself as well. I don't really feel sorry for taking the book, but I understand that he feels violated. It's his father he's angry at, not me.

Strangely, he instantly calms down. His fists open up and his face relaxes. He lift a hand and scratches his head. "Okay, fine! Just- Just ask the next time, okay?!" His voice shakes, the pitch of it changes.

"I will." I nod.

"I mean, you don't have to ask every time, but, ah-"

"It's okay, I will."

"I'm- I'm just..." He sits down next to me and puts his face in his hands. He's silent, I can't even hear him breathing. Outside, the world shouts in the darkness. A grey mess. "I don't know why I get angry so easily," he murmurs.

I place my hand on his shoulder. I try to think of something to say, but I don't get any better ideas than 'it's okay' or 'I understand'. So I just pat his shoulder a few times, then pull my hand back.

He let's his hands drop and looks at me. "Let's eat."

"No, wait!" I yank him back down, as he tries to get up. "First, I'm gonna wash your face-"

"Ugh, what for?" He sighs.

"You were okay with it just a moment ago!" I smile.

"Uhh. No. This is stupid!" He looks away.

"Just let me, please!" I pull at his arm.

"It's not bleeding or anything..."

"Just let me."

"Mm."

"Please."

He looks back. "Kay."

* * *

When I was little and played in the house and fell down or bumped into something, I cried even if the pain wasn't that big. Rishid or Ishizu came and cradled me. Rishid used to laugh at me and tickle me and naturally I would laugh back and forget about my scratched knee. When I got older Rishid was away a lot, either for school or work, so it was Ishizu's task to take care of my wounds.

It all began when I has a particularly bad injury. We had a malfunctioning cupboard in the kitchen; the door would always open up randomly, because the screws got loose or something. That cupboard was above the washing machine. And one day after I got a load out of the machine, I hit my forehead against the door's edge. The metallic edge. I hit it hard and felt a sharp pain run through my head. Felt blood running over my forehead.

Rishid was away, but Dad was near. He got all panicky and asked me repeatedly if I was okay, if I was okay, if I was okay - he got on my nerves! I wasn't panicked, but he wasn't helping at all, and made me nervous. Ishizu came upon hearing Dad and pulled me out of the kitchen and into the bathroom.

I had had a bad week. A classmate in school got suspicious because I had watched him for too long in the changing room, so the guys started to make gay jokes around me. Then I had written a C in a test (which is a nightmare for an A-grade student as me) and third: Dad had not given me the permission to go to a trip with my Badminton class.

I was on the edge of losing it and then I lost it; sitting on the stool in the bathroom, where my cry was echoing while Ishizu cleaned my wound with a wet towel. She did not say much, just a few 'shh's. I fell around her neck and she held me for a while. When I calmed down, she continued washing my face, telling me that everything would be good. I shouldn't worry, everything will change. The cold towel soothed my face as much as her voice. Everything will be okay. Ishizu is there. Even if the world goes down, Ishizu is there and so is Rishid and Dad too, even if he's difficult, he still loves me.

From then on, Ishizu would occasionally wash my face for no other reason than the one that I was upset. And it helped.

I let a corner of the towel getting soaked up in water. Bakura watches and seems annoyed but curious. He doesn't understand why I want to do this, and to be honest I am not sure myself. I know it calms _me_ down. It's a loving act between my sister and me. Maybe it can help Bakura as well.

I wring out most of the water, then touch his chin, move his head so he faces me. His eyes move away, move up or down, but never in my direction. "It's cold," I say and he nods. I begin at his wound. He tenses up right before the towel touches him. But as I dab his cheek with it, he breathes out. I try not to wipe, only touch it lightly, making it wet. I wet the towel more, so much that the wet part of it is a big as my palm, and wring it out again.

The wound hasn't changed its color. I see now that the skin around the small cut is in fact red, making it appear bigger. He still hasn't told me where it comes from. I touch his forehead, lightly, so he can accustom to the coldness. He frowns and breathes in, making a smack with his lips. Yeah, play the annoyed one. But isn't it nice? Doesn't it feel good?

"Close your eyes," I say and he actually does it - after rolling them around as far as he can. I stroke his forehead and one side of his face, making his skin wet. Again and again for one side, then I change over to the other, then go down to his chin, further down around his jawline. And up again, more circles. I wet the towel some more and continue. Slow circles.

His breathing goes slower now, his frown is away. His lips aren't tight anymore, but actually lightly parted. A loud howl emerges from outside. He breathes through his mouth, as do I. His laptop makes a light buzzing sound now and then, reminding us of it's existence. In the computer's weak light, his hair looks more grey than white and his skin looks darker.

I remember his expression when Akefia slapped his face over and over again. No signs of emotion. Just staring. Not bending down. Being strong. But I'm sure he was crying inside.  
Plus he also did not move away. He _let_ Akefia hit him. He endured it, instead of turning around and going back into his room. Yeah, _he_ actually started the fight. Over a can of soup. Why? Was it really that important?

I used a bit too much water and one drop runs over his cheek down to his chin. I catch it with the dry part of the towel. I am about to continue washing his face, when he clears his throat. It's enough, right? "What do you think of it?" he mutters. "The book. Brave New World?" He leaves his eyes closed.

"I'm not done reading it yet." I touch his cheek again and trace the towel around his jawline. "But it's amazing from the first page on."

"Give it back, when you're done, yeah? I want to read it again as well." He speaks slowly, not moving his lips much.

I can't suppress a smile. I'm cleaning his face for five minutes or more now, and he hasn't said stop yet. Does he actually like it? I'm proud of myself. I do think I am handling this good. I calmed him down. And he came upstairs and picked me up. So he does want to spend time with me, right?

Or did he only got me because Akefia threw me out? Did he got me back to defy his dad? To mock him?

I do a last swipe around his forehead, then let my hand drop into my lap. My arm hurts a bit from holding it up for so long. "Bakura, why did you come upstairs and got me?"

He opens his eyes, blinking a few times. He's unfocused and doesn't look at me. "Huh?" His gaze falls on me. "I-" He frowns. "Kefia does not have the right to send you away."

Kinda sounds like he only wanted to rebel. I look down. "Mm." But I know he still cares for me, even if he denies it! "So, where are the cookies?" I grin at him.

"You're done with my face?" He points at himself. "Am I pretty enough now?"

I chuckle. "Yeah, you're pretty."

He gets up, sighing. "Give me that," he says, grabbing the bowl and towel out of my hands. "D'you want some cereal as well, or only cookies?"

"Cereal too, please!"

* * *

We sit down on his bed with the head board as support for our backs. Bakura gives me a bowl and a spoon. He pours himself a good amount of what seem to be Froot Loops, then hands me the box. Ah, I'm mistaken, it's not the Froot Loops cereal, but a similar no-name product. We add milk, and Bakura puts both boxes next to him on the floor.

"Won't the milk go bad if we leave it here?" I ask.

He turns his head to me, chewing. "What do you suggest? Putting it in the non-functioning fridge?"

"Okay, you're right," I mumble. Back home, we would unfreeze the fridge prior to the annually snow storm and eat everything that would go bad. During the storm we would sit together around the table by candle light and eat canned food or cold soup. Afterwards we would shop big, to fill the fridge again.

Bakura pulls his computer on his lap and opens a folder named 'Sherlock'. "Wanna watch the first episode with me?" he asks.

"Sure!" I beam.

We chew and slurp the colored loops while watching the modern version of Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. I'm surprised about how good it is. The dinner scene is the best! So much Ho Yay! Bakura chuckles as well at this scene, telling me this series is full of gay jokes. I'm hooked.

It's the first time I can relate to someone via my sexual orientation. At other times I had to watch the reaction of the others; would they be disgusted by the homoerotic, I would too. In front of Bakura I can openly chuckle at John's helplessness when it comes to Sherlock without hiding my true thoughts.

Each one of us finish three bowls of cereal - okay, two and a half because the milk ran out - and a whole box of chocolate cookies. Again, a no-name product. But it tastes just as good. I feel a bit bad for eating away Bakura's food. I want to pay him back. Yeah, as soon as I can I give him the money back.

The laptop is on my lap now; we take turns on who's holding it. But I am cold and tell Bakura to take it for a moment. I pull one of my blankets over my legs and he gives me the laptop back. The episode ends.

"I want to see the next one!" I say to Bakura, turning my head to him. "Can we see the next one?"

"Okay," he chuckles. "I do hope the battery will hold for so long."

"Oh." I check the battery's life. It's just enough for another episode: One and a half hour left. "It should."

He shrugs and nods at the same time. "Okay, then start it."

I do and lean back, pulling one of the pillows under my head. The room is starting to cool off. I'm not freezing, it's just a bit too cold for my taste. I lift the laptop with one hand and pull the blanket closer to my chin, accidentally brushing Bakura. He grunts and I mutter 'sorry'. The second episode is as interesting as the first. I just love the relationship between Sherlock and Watson.

I shift my position now and then during the episode. Bakura finally takes the laptop away from me and glares at me. "What's with you." He stops the movie and waits for me to finish fumbling with my blankets.

"It's getting cold," I explain.

"Get under my comforter then," Bakura says.

I look at him. "You're sure?"

He shrugs. "Eh."

He puts the laptop onto the floor. We collect the pillows and blankets, putting them under our heads and between the bed and the wall. I spread one of my blankets over his comforter, and get under it. It's chilly yet. Bakura mirrors me, putting his legs under the comforter as well. We don't touch, neither under nor above it. Only our knees collide shortly as he gets himself comfortable. "Sorry," he says. We continue watching.

I'm getting a bit sleepy. But it's only eight PM. Still seven hours until my usual sleeping time. But laying in a bed, watching movies always makes me sleepy. At the same time I am a bit excited, since I share one bed with Bakura. I lay sideways, with my arm under my head, turned towards Bakura. He's sitting upright, grinning now and then when something funny happens.

Near the end of the episode he's lying on his back, yawning. "I've got candy, if you want," he says.

"Shh!" I reply. I'm sitting upright, with hands on my knees. The ending is exciting and my eyes are glued to the screen. I notice that Bakura turns around but I don't look at him until the end of the movie. The ending music plays over the credits and I lean back. "Aw, I want to see the next one."

I glance at him and close the VLC player. "Mm. You can, but turn it down a bit, okay," he mutters. He's on his side, one hand near his face, the other under the blanket. His eyes are closed, his lips are slightly parted.

"You're gonna sleep?" I ask quietly.

"Uh, dunno," he slurs and turns around, pulling the blankets with his body.

I am sitting between him and the wall. What if he really falls asleep? What does he expect me to do? I surely have no problem to sleep with him in one bed, but maybe he does? He might be too tired to care now, but get pissed when he wakes up next to me. So I huff and say: "Bakura. Let me out first."

"Ngh," is his reply. "Jus' sleep."

I laugh with a tint despair in my voice. "You're _sure_?"

He takes a moment to reply. "Shh. Yes."

"You will be mad tomorrow morning."

Again, two seconds pass, before he answers. "Nah, I won't."

* * *

I sigh and try to figure out what to do. To stay or not to stay. Okay, let's make a compromise: I'll just climb out later. I am tired, but not enough to fall asleep. I will watch the third episode of Sherlock, then I'll go upstair- No, wait, my room is cold as ice. Gah, dammit! Maybe Bakura will wake up til then? Uhhh, what do I do? I let out a moan.

In the end, I start the third episode and hope that Bakura will wake up before I fall asleep. He just needs to get up and push the mattress out. No, _I_ can do that, okay, there are a lot of blankets here tonight, but he just needs to get up for a minute and I'll manage.

I'm eight minutes into the episode, when Bakura suddenly turns around, lying on his back, eyes on me. "And why exactly did you wash my face?" His voice is clear again.

I stop the movie and open my mouth, leaving it like that for a second. "Because you were injured," I finally say.

Bakura sits up. One strain of his hair stands up and he scratches the same spot on his head. "Mh," he sounds, starring at the screen. "But it wasn't bleeding or anything. It was just a bit red."

I try to collect my thoughts. I did not think much about it, it simply felt like the right thing to do. I wanted to give him a bit comfort, a bit support. "He hit you on that cheek, despite having seen it," I mutter. "I know that the bruise itself isn't that bad. But your father-"

"Call him Akefia!" he says sharply.

"Right. Sorry. But Akefia is hurting your feelings. I-"

He chuckles loudly. "My feelings," he repeats.

"I just wanted to do something for you," I murmur. "To care for you, even when it was unnecessary for the bruise itself. To make you feel good. For the bruise in your soul, so to say." I feel his gaze on me. I'm facing the laptop yet, which turns its brightness down because the battery is running out.

I turn my head to Bakura, expecting a frown or a glare, but there is no expression on his face. He just looks at me and blinks. "Mmh." He blinks again and looks down at his lap, where his hands lie.

"And... did it help? How do you feel?"

He gulps. "I don't know. The cold water was nice though." I give him a smile and wait until he looks at me so he'll see it. His gaze falls down quickly again though and he let's out a groan. "I..." He never finds a second word for his sentence and let's the silence linger for a while between us.

The computer's screen darkens more and makes a beeping sound. A message pops up, stating that the laptop will shut down soon if it won't get plugged in. "Ahh, dammit, I wanted to see some more Sherlock," I moan.

"You can continue tomorrow," Bakura replies, yawning. He lays back on his side, his back turned to me.

"Bakura, don't you want me to get out of your bed?" I ask.

"Mhh, I'm too tired to get the mattress out," he grumbles. "You can sleep here tonight. Just don't touch me."

"Sure, but don't kick me out again in two hours," I say under my breath. The laptop's screen turns to black without any second warning. Suddenly we're in the dark. "Bakura." I take the computer and push at his shoulder. "Put the laptop down."

"Ngh." He grabs it without changing his position and bumps it onto the floor. A little bit too hard. Uh, I hope the thing is not broken now.

It's still super early, how can he be so tired? He was up at noon, like me, so he had been sleeping before, right? Guess it wasn't enough. It is a bit creepy how silent it is here. All those little electric sounds you're never aware of are missing. While outside the blizzard rages. It's as if the world doesn't exist anymore. It's only him and me now, in the warm bed.

I lie down, pulling the comforter up high over half my face. I turn around, away from Bakura. But as I do, I accidentally brush him and he grunts. Yeah yeah, no touching. "Good night," I mumble, not expecting an answer.

"Goo'nigh," he sighs, his voice fading. I grin. He's cute when he's sleepy. The covers are a bit too short, so I shift backwards, touch his back and jerk a bit forwards again. No grunting this time. His breathing got louder. It's not a snore yet, but you can tell that it's coming soon. I lean back again, my shoulder blades touch him and there's no complaint. I move more, until our backs touch. He's not that warm, but feeling his body rise against mine puts me at ease. He begins to breathe a little bit louder, on the edge of snoring. That comforts me, making me more sleepy.

I warm up and drift into sleep.

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you for your reviews! I inserted some more Sherlock for you, Kyla Bakura :P The song 'Back To Back' by Wolf Gang fits to the end of this chapter.**


	12. Day 32: Great Cold Day

**Day 32**

* * *

 _1/23/2016 - Saturday_

* * *

When I wake up, it's cold. I'm shaking. There's a huge gap of temperature behind me.

I turn around and see Bakura laying flat on his stomach, his head turned to me. Eyes closed, breath slow. The covers slid down to his butt, his back is exposed. I pull it up over his shoulders and inch closer, freezing. Why the heck is he only wearing an undershirt and shorts? I don't remember him taking his sweatshirt off. I'm still wearing mine. I usually don't sleep in the same clothes I wore all day, but I got kinda trapped here yesterday.

I glance at my watch. It's six in the morning. I've never been awake this early here.

The curtains before the window are closed, I see no light between the small slit. It's silent, no howl to hear. Is the blizzard over? How bad was it?

The TV and the PlayStation are silent and do not show their red stand-by lights.. No power yet?

Bakura is snoring quietly next to me, making me smile. The bruise on his cheek isn't as red as yesterday. The cut is still visible though.

I wonder if I should stand up and go. Will he be angry when he wakes up? Based on his taken off sweater and the closed curtains, he must have woken up tonight, and eventually went back to sleep next to me. _Soo..._ he's okay with me sharing his bed?

Some of my blankets fell down to the floor, one is under Bakura's feet, which stick out from his comforter. I cover them up, then lie back and snuggle under the covers. I'll just lie here until he wakes up and pretend that I've been asleep. You don't have to wake up anytime soon, Bakura, it's too nice in here.

* * *

There's one problem though: I'm too awake to spend any more time in the bed. I wanna do things. I want to work out and shower. And I'm hungry. Plus Bakura's snoring gets a bit annoying.

I sit up. Bakura has drooled on his pillow. He's too cute to look at. His eyes hidden under white hair, his lips moving as he breathes out.

Let me tell you something about Bakura's bed. First of all, it's a bit wider than the bed in my room. It's still a single bed, normally too tight for two people, but we're both slim, so it's fine. Second, it's loud. It's one of those beds that make a noise if you just as much as think of moving. I have to plan my escape carefully. There's no way I can crawl over him without touching and thus waking him up. I guess I have to try it at the end of the bed.

I turn my lower body sideways and get on my knees. I cannot avoid the cracking sounds the bed makes. But Bakura hasn't heard it, he continues to sleep. I stand up, carefully, and touch the wall as support. Two shaky steps on the soft mattress later I am at Bakura's feet. I place my foot on the free spot at the very end of the bed's edge, leaning onto the wall at the window with my elbow.

Then I half-jump, half-step off the bed. Bakura shifts and makes a sound, then continues breathing loudly. Phew.

I tiptoe over all the stuff on the floor and sneak into the kitchen.

* * *

Not long and I'm back. It's cold in the kitchen. The fridge doesn't work. Dammit, why hasn't the power returned yet? I sit on Bakura's chair and peel one of the oranges I found in his secret stash. There was also a second box of cookies. I know, I said I wouldn't use or eat anything without his permission, but I'm starving! I peel the orange, trying not to get juice on my hands, but it happens anyways.

I eat two of the four oranges, then unwrap the cookies.

It's still dark outside and Bakura is still sleeping. Now he's silent, the snoring has stopped.

I munch three cookies and put the rest aside.

Uh, I'm bored. Wake up, Bakura, why are you sleeping for so long. I grab a few wrappers and tissues off his desk and throw them in his garbage can. The book I started reading yesterday is laying near the bed, next to the laptop. I could never just put things on the floor like that. I pick the laptop up and put it on the desk, then get the book and try to remember on what page I stopped reading.

It's too dark yet though. I can't read and I cannot play Candy Crush on my tablet without internet connection. Come to think of it, where is my tablet anyways?

"Uh." Bakura moves. I put the book on the desk and poke Bakura's head. "Ughh."

"Get up, you were asleep for nine hours!"

"Nnnh, leave me alone," he mumbles under the covers. He turns away from me and curls into a ball. I grab the blankets that fell on the floor and toss them on the bed, where the partially land on Bakura. "What'rya doing," he wails with a sleepy voice.

"Eating your cookies," I reply. I sit on the chair and watch him.

"Mmh, no."

"Get up or they'll be all gone."

"They're mine."

"Why am I eaten them then?"

He huffs and sits up, albeit slowly. His hair spreads out into every direction, being all fluffy. His eyes are unfocused but become very clear when he sees me nomming his cookies. "Because you're a fucking rude person!" he says loudly.

Oh, we're awake now, yes? I grin and push the biscuit into my mouth chewing loudly. "Mmm, yummy!"

He snorts angrily and unwraps himself from three blankets, before he stands up and grabs the box out of my hands. "What time is it," he mutters, sitting back on the bed. He smells a bit, but not particularly bad.

"Half past six."

He stops chewing for a second and glares at me. "Why are we awake." He rubs his forehead and sighs. "You ate oranges, too?"

"Yeah." I look behind me at the orange peels. "But just two. I left the other two for you!"

"How very obliging of you," he deadpans, starting to eat his second cookie.

"I'm sorry, I- I need to eat!" I start, knowing that it's not a good defense. I said it a hundred times already. "I'll pay you everything back," I add quieter.

"Will you." Bakura gets up and pushes the cookie box on my lap. "Arghh!" he stretches himself; arms wide up, hands turned into fists. "Does the fridge work again?"

"No. The power is still off, it seems."

"What?" Bakura puts his hands on his hips and stares at me. "Really? Fuck, why?"

I shrug. There's so little body hair on him. None in his armpits or on his legs. Or is it just hard to see, because it's white as well? I squint my eyes. What about his pubic hair?

He turns away, scratching his head, making the hairs stand up more. I chuckle. "What," he groans, turning back.

You're cute. "You're uh, funny," I say. "Looking like a deranged Barbie."

His hand goes up above his head, touching the beginning of his white mess. He groans more. "So what, you're short."

I pout. "What does have to do with-"

"I can comb my hair, but you cannot make yourself bigger," he smirks and pats my head. "Little idiot, you." He snatches the cookies away from me again and takes one out. "I sure hope the power will work again until tonight. Don't want you here any longer than necessary." He bites into the biscuit and continues talking with full mouth: "You already wrote everything down that happened yesterday, yes? In that little diary of yours?"

"What." I blink and tense up. How does he know about my diary? At this point I haven't documented the past day yet. The diary is upstairs on the desk.

There, his smirk. Eyelids halfway down, lips slightly pursed and slightly opened, head tilted to the side. "What else could it be than a diary? You're always sitting at your desk and write stuff, waiting for me to pass your room when I go up to the roof."

I don't reply, because I don't know what to say. He has seen through me and I'm still wondering whether or not to admit that.

"Biting your pencil, when you didn't know what to write." He continues eating the cookie, being almost done with it. "Didn't know to describe my beauty, eh?"

I snort. "So you were watching me?" I raise my eyebrows.

"Not watching. Passing by."

"Doesn't sound like 'passing by'," I say, grinning back. "Passing by takes two seconds, seeing me deep in thought and biting pencils takes more."

Bakura puts the last bit of the cookie in his mouth and glares at me. "Shut up."

* * *

The joy over my little victory doesn't hold long. Bakura puts on clothes and grabs his cigarettes, leaving the room through the window. Outside, it's still a bit dark, but you can tell that the sun is not far away. I protest as Bakura climbs through the window, telling him he'll freeze his ass off, but he doesn't listen.

I put on a blanket over my shoulders and peer outside. The world isn't awake yet, but lies deep buried under snow, snow, and nothing else but snow. I can't see the house across the street, that's how much snow there is. No footsteps or tire marks on it, just white pure snow. My breath is visible in the air. Goddammit, I'm still freezing, despite the blanket.

I close the window again. How can Bakura endure this? I climb back into the bed to warm up. Right, the heater's still not working, I shouldn't have opened the window for so long. I tremble under the comforter and wait for Bakura to return.

After what must have been five or seven minutes, he's still up there. How much is he smoking? I've seen people smoke, they are through one cigarette in a few minutes, especially when it's freezing like heck.

I sit up and put the pillow under my head in order. Oh, there's the tablet, it was right under my head this whole time. I turn it on and wait for it to load.

I play one round of solitaire. Bakura is still not back. I frown. No one takes so long to smoke, he's up there on purpose, just to make me worry. I put on my shoes, then grab two blankets and wrap myself up as good as I can and slide the window open.

The cold fingers of winter grab me immediately, slipping through every opening of my blankets without mercy. My teeth chatter. My calves harden so much it hurts. Between the blankets and my shoes are two inches of exposed skin, which sting when the wind touches them. But I follow the steps above until I can see the roof.

The entrance to the roof is blocked by a small gate; a metal door up to my chest. I see Bakura sitting at the other end of the roof, leaning against one of the roof lights, turned away, not seeing me. He's holding his mobile at his ear and talks. So that's why he's still up here. Can't he phone inside where it's warm?

I have trouble getting over the gate with all my blankets around me. Normally I would have put one foot over with a swinging motion and sat sideways on the grating, then pulled my other foot over it and jumped off of it. But now I cannot move my legs apart due to the blankets. So I haul myself up, and bend my upper body over the grate - my plan is to carefully slide my legs over it, _then_ roll off the barrier. But I use too much force and fall down head first on the other side buried in snow.

"Aw, ouch, ahh," I wail. I get up. Luckily the snow cushioned my fall, otherwise I would be surely bruised. I grab my blankets and wrap them around me tightly. The wind blows from one side, sending me snowflakes as welcoming gift. The wipe the snow off my face and walk to Bakura. My steps are loud, the snow is crunching under my feet.

He turns around. "Wait a minute," he says into his phone, then covers it with his hand. "What is it." He frowns.

"Just wanted to tell you that it's cold and that you should come back inside," I say.

He takes a moment and blinks. "Well, thank you very much, Mr. Obvious, but I prefer to stay here for a little while longer." He turns back and removes his hand. "No, I fucking told you, I have no idea!" He breathes out. "Don't listen to Zork, he's lying." A pause. "Yeah, yeah, we can do that, I dunno."

I stand there for a while and tremble and listen to him talking. How can he just sit in the snow like that? Isn't his butt freezing off? The snow up here isn't as high as I had expected. It goes up half my calf at the most. I move closer to Bakura and sit down, next to him. He pushes himself a bit away, so that I can lean against the light as well.

The light is a concrete block followed by a short and slim middle part and neon lights inside glass on top. It's not working of course. There are four of those lights, right in the middle of the roof, each standing in one corner of an imaginary square.

Bakura gets quieter, only replying with "mm-hm" and "yeah". I pull one blanket higher, so it covers half my face and the other a bit lower, over my feet. I can understand why Bakura likes to go up here. The view is nice. Orange and purple lingering near the horizon. Soon the sun will rise and the city will wake up. Now it's still empty and full of snow.

I can't stop trembling. I try to hold my jaw still tho. It is snowing lightly. The wind passes us, without hitting us. Sitting in between the roof lights is a good idea as we're avoiding the wind's cold blow. It's still strenuous. I have to use all of my willpower not to get up and run back inside.

Just a little while longer, I tell myself. Not long, and Bakura will finish talking. Just a little while-

At one point, Bakura puts his hand again over the phone and turns his head to me: "Why are you still here," he mumbles, then continues talking.

"I'm waiting f-for you to come back inside," I reply. I can't avoid to sound ludicrous.

"Kay, than you do this, Duke and I'll pay you, yes?" He stops again, his eyes getting wide and his lips press together. "Yeah, then wait and freeze your ass off. I'm gonna stay here for a while."

I pout. "Okay." Now I'm definitely not gonna move! I hide my face under the blanket and close my eyes, trying to pretend that I'm in bed. It's not cold, no, no, no. There's no wind. I'm not outside. All is fine. It's not that cold...

* * *

Bakura keeps on talking about Joey. Apparently he's got birthday soon and they are planning to surprise him with something. In between they talk about school and tests and teachers, and afterwards Bakura goes back into humming "mmh" and "okay". "I dunno, I told you! Why won't you believe me!" I haven't figured out what's this about yet. "Okay, so maybe Zork wasn't talking about me, I don't know, okay!" Some huffs and some eye rolling here. "Let's just sort this out tomorrow, er, I mean on Monday, okay?" Bakura huffs some more and finally hangs up. "Ugh."

"What's Zork lying about," I mumble.

"What?" Bakura looks at me. He gets out his cigarette box - leaning his body sideways while doing so and touching me - and pulls out one cig.

"Can't we go down now?" I wail.

"You can," he sighs. "I swear, I don't know who's more worse, you or Duke."

"W-Why is he already awake?"

"He hasn't been sleeping yet."

"What are you planning for Joey's birthday?"

He puts the cigarette in his mouth and lights it up. "Listening in, weren't you? Eh," he put his lighter back in his pocket, "Zork told Duke I've been in a club before, so I've got connections. He thought we could surprise Joey with that, like pay him the entrance fee or a drink or dunno."

"But t-that's not true?"

He draws on his cigarette and looks back at me. "Marik, go back downstairs. You're all pale in the face."

"I'm okay," I lie.

He draws again on the cig, then throws it far away with a strong motion out of his wrist. "Okay, fine, come on, get up," he mutters, patting my shoulder. He stands up and I follow. I have to sort out my blankets again, before I can move, so Bakura is already at the gate, sighing impatiently. "Come on."

He jumps over the barrier and walks downstairs on the fire escape. "Bakura, wait!" I yell and he stops.

"What? Can't you get over the fence?"

"Yeah, if you just-"

"What." He's back, standing before the gate. I stand on the other side. He puts his hands into the pockets of his coat and looks annoyed.

"I can't climb over it with the blankets," I explain.

"How did you get over it in the first place?"

"I kinda.. I fell over it.."

He laughs. "What? How did you do that?"

"Erm, I-"

"Never mind," he chuckles, "okay," he gets his hands out and gesticulates with his fingers to come closer, "give me your hands, I'll pull you over."

"But I can't part my legs much!" I say. "Don't think this will work."

He groans. "Can't you take the blankets off for a moment?"

"Noo!"

"Ugh, why don't you put on a coat instead of those."

"I don't have a coat, just a thin jacket-"

"Ah that one." He purses his lips for a second, staring at me. "I might have a spare," he mutters.

I look up. "Really?"

He sighs. "Let's get you over here first." He beckons to me and grabs my arm, making me lean over. "Can you put one leg-"

"Mh, no-"

"Ah, no, you can't, right. Can't you just pull the blankets up for a moment?" I do so, and together we manage to pull me over the gate. I almost trip and fall, but he grabs me by my arms and steadies me. "Little moron."

"Hey!" I straighten up and let the blankets fall lower. "Don't call me that." I glare at him while he grins.

He's close. "Hungry?" he asks, releasing my arms.

I grin back. "Kinda. You have something else besides cookies and oranges?" We move downstairs. I'm not freezing anymore as much, but I'm glad we're finally going back inside. Actually, standing close to him made me feel hot inside for a moment.

"Not really. Just canned stuff. Like beans. We can't heat them up though."

"Cold beans then? Meh."

"Why are you hungry anyways, you ate oranges and cookies."

"That's not much of a breakfast."

We climb inside his room. Hah, warmness! I sit down on the bed and shake and draw more blankets around me. "Uhhh."

"Kay, wait." Bakura goes to his closet and opens it. Usually he goes through the clothes on his shelf, but this time he searches for something on his hangers. "I've got this one," he says slowly, while retrieving a longer jacket of its hanger. "It's super warm," he says, turning to me.

"Why don't you wear it?" I ask.

He shrugs and comes to me, throwing the jacket over my legs. "Can't stand the color."

"Why buy it then?" I grab it and feel the fabric. It's some kind of plastic fabric, three times thicker than my jacket. 'WINDCHEATER' is says on the red inside. The outside is a light khaki color. Yeah, it wouldn't look good on Bakura. Black fits him way better. The jacket has a big hoodie, which is lined with fur; same color as the outer fabric.

"Who said I bought it," he murmurs, standing before me. "You can have it."

I look up. "So it was a gift?" I picture a guy giving him the jacket and Bakura awkwardly taking it, then putting it inside his closet and never look at it again.

Bakura doesn't answer my question and moves to leave the room. "So, cold beans?"

"Yeah, why not."

* * *

We share the can and watch the sun rising. The snow outside glitters. Light rays pour through the window, making floating dust visible. Making my eyes hurt. But I quickly adjust to it and lean my face into the sun beam. The beans Bakura got aren't bad, but warmed up they would've been definitely better.

Bakura is upset because the power is still off. He types on his phone, laying on the bed, while I go to the bathroom.

As I return I find him smoking.

"Bakura!"

"What."

I move next to him, putting my palm over my nose. "Don't smoke inside here!" I open the window, groaning. Is this a protest, because I made him go downstairs before he could finish another cigarette?

"Are you stupid, don't open the window! We're gonna freeze!"

"Then stop smoking!"

"Ghh." He doesn't change his position but stubs out his cig on the wall and throws it onto the floor. "Here. Happy? It's your fault anyways, you didn't let me finish smoking on the roof." I knew he would say this!

I sit down on the bed, near his feet. "You were like half an hour on the roof, didn't you smoke enough there? Besides, I told you I would wait until you're finished." I pull a blanket over my lap.

"I never started smoking, because Duke called!" He puts his legs on the floor and gets up, closing the window. "And it's not my problem if you're so idiotic to come up and freeze yourself to death." He looks at me and our eyes meet.

"Still you did not finish the cigarette and went back inside with me," I grin. Here, another thing he did for me!

"Ugh, if you're gonna get sick, you're gonna pass it on to me, that's why," he grumbles. I laugh. Yeah, suuure! He sits back down, in front of me, pulling his legs up. Okay, I let this one pass.

"You're smoking too much anyways," I mutter and move next to him, to the head end of the bed. "So, Joey has birthday and Duke thought you get get them into a club?" I ask. He never finished explaining me his call.

Another sigh coming from him. He turns his head to me in a slow motion. "Yeah. I _was_ in a club once." He pauses. "With a guy. But Duke doesn't have to know that. Zork is babbling too much."

"Oh, a gay club?" I blink.

He shrugs. "Yeah. We went through the back door. I doubt Joey wants to go there." He looks away. "Also I don't talk to that guy I went there anymore," he mutters.

I look ahead as well. I know this pause, that little hesitation before saying the word 'guy' instead of 'girl', or ' _boy_ friend' instead of 'girlfriend'. There's fear hidden in that pause, the fear or being laughed at or hated for being gay. Bakura knows he doesn't have to fear that I would do those things. He must be afraid of Joey laughing at him.

"Your friends don't know you're gay?" I ask.

He shrugs. "Zork does. It's not like I walk around and tell everybody upon first meeting 'Hey, I'm gay, what's up' but I don't make it a secret. But Joey makes all those jokes, you know." He shrugs more. "I'll just not mention it. No need to get awkward."

"I understand."

Yeah, I know those types of guys. Micah used to call everybody else 'gay' too, for stupid reasons like not liking something he did. ' _What, you didn't like the second Pirates Of The Carabean? You're gay, or what!_ ' Sarah gulped, when he said such things. She laughed at every other joke he made though.

"Is Zork gay?" I ask.

"Zork? Pff, no," Bakura laughs. "Not that I know of."

"There must be more gay people in your class though," I ponder loudly. "You're around thirty people, right? So two others must be gay!"

"There's one girl who's bisexual I guess, but..." He shrugs. "I don't care about the people in my class, okay?" He gets up to get the cookie box from the desk. "Two left. Want one?"

* * *

I continue reading the book, sitting on the bed next to Bakura who is bored. He slides off his pillow and stares at the ceiling. "Uh, can't even jerk off with you in the room."

"I wouldn't mind," I reply, turning the page.

"I know."

I chuckle and read on.

Bakura lies still for a few pages more, then turns around on his stomach and watches me. I read the same sentence three times, because his gaze irritates me. "Did you have gay people at your school?" he asks.

I shake my head. "Not that I know of."

"Didn't your girlfriend got suspicious when you never tried to screw her?"

I shrug.

"Or was she prude or what?"

I shrug again. "Let me read."

He moans and let's his head face on the bed, face down. "I'm bored."

"I know," I chuckle.

* * *

I decide to stop reading. Bakura is too much of a bother. Hah, isn't that cute though, now _he_ is the one bothering me, when it's usually the other way round! I guess he really hasn't got a thing to do. His laptop's battery is empty and he hasn't got anybody to meet outside.

So I grab my tablet from under the pillow and start Candy Crush. There's no internet connection, but I can still play that damned level 762 for the hundredth time. This is the hardest level ever. Bakura moves next to me again and watches me fail five times, then I exit the app.

"Level seven-hundred-sixty-two? Uh, who the fuck plays seven-hundred levels of this stupid game," he sighs.

"I got addicted."

"Yeah, I can see that. All the girls in my school play it."

"Yeah, ours too."

"Mm."

I guess it probably sounds stupid, but this little conversation here about Candy Crush... Is so satisfying! Bakura doesn't belittle me for playing a girl's game, but for playing a 'stupid' game. Yeah, he mocks me for being a virgin or being short, but those issues are gender-neutral. It's so refreshing to spend time with another gay guy.

I start the solitaire app. This seems to be more after Bakura's fancy. He points out card combinations I missed and after a while he suddenly rests his cheek against my shoulder! His elbow is on my lap. "There, the four can go on the five," he mumbles.

"Mh," I answer. "You wanna play yourself?"

"Yeah," he says.

"Kay, just let me finish this one... alone!" I make a face at him and feel my cheeks redden. He's so close! Touching me and not minding it! My heart beats faster and I cannot concentrate on my game, needing ages to proceed. His hair smells of the shampoo he uses - the same I have to use - and tickles my face.

"If you ever finish it," he comments.

I complete the round and hand Bakura the tablet. He sits up, his warm cheek leaving its spot on my shoulder. Mmmmh, come back! I watch him tapping and sliding his finger on the screen with his mesmerizing eyes moving, maintaining a serious expression on his face. Gosh, I just wanna grab and kiss him, he's so unbelievably hot!

"Stop staring," he murmurs. I pout and move my head down, putting it on his shoulder, shifting my body down. He groans, but doesn't move.

"You did that too," I say.

He moans again. "Fine, fair enough."

I grin and suppress the urge to cuddle closer to him. I am allowed to leave my head on his shoulder! I close my eyes and hope that my face will stop turning into a tomato. His elbow pokes me constantly as he's moving his hand to tap and wipe. I listen to his breath and the game's sounds.

"There," he says, giving me tablet back. "I finished it like in half the time you did."

No wonder, you aren't constantly distracted by your sex appeal. I take the tablet and put it in my lap, not moving. I don't want to take my head off his shoulder. Just let me stay here forever, just like this.

"Don't wanna play? Then give it back," he says, taking it from my lap.

"Mm," I reply, closing my eyes.

"Tired?" he asks, sounding surprised.

No, not tired. Just crushing hard on you. I give him no answer and watch him go on the main screen, snorting at my wallpaper. What do you have against Skip Beat? He finds the folder with my games and tries some out, avoiding Candy Crush of course. He asks me which ones need internet connection and I tell him.

He tries out every game he can and I watch him winning and failing.

Again, I have to point out how awesome this is! Me being so close to him, touching him! In this proximity, I can smell his hair, his body odor, hear his breath clearly, feel his hair brushing against my face. He concentrates on the games and frowns when he has trouble. Gawd, he's so cute! I just can't stop swooning over him, I'm so sorry! He's too cute to handle.

"Doesn't your neck hurt?" he asks after some while.

"I'm fine." It's a lie though, this position isn't the best. It got uncomfortable after ten minutes but my neck isn't the problem, my back is. I'm lying in an awkward diagonal position. If I could put my arms around his arm, it would be fine, but I doubt he'll let me. And I don't want to seem too desperate for his attention.

I straighten myself and stretch a bit. I want to shower, then go out for a jog and work out, and then shower again. I hate it when I have to sit in my room all day. But I won't shower in cold water, no way! I rather continue sitting here, stinking. Bakura is still playing, it's tetris. "Just this game, then I'll give it back to you," he says misinterpreting my sigh.

"No, it's fine, I don't want to play. I'm just so bored."

"Yeah, me too."

"I suppose I cannot clean your room a bit?"

"Nope."

"Ghh, okay."

"Don't you have to work on your abs from time to time?" he offers.

"Yeah, but I want to shower afterwards," I explain. "With hot water, not cold."

"You're already smelling," he says.

"Thanks, you too."

He grunts. I glance at the screen. His pile of tetris blocks have reached the top. 'Game over' says the screen. "Do you clean your room when you're bored?" he asks, looking at me.

"Sometimes." I shrug.

"Cleaning would make me become even more bored. Here." He gives me the tablet back and gets up to look out of the window. I sit up. He isn't gonna to go out, is he? Don't leave me all alone! "Why is the power not coming back," he mumbles.

* * *

Another few hours pass with us not doing much as chilling on Bakura's bed. We take turns in playing games on my tablet, then Bakura goes showering. I tell him he's brave for showering in the cold water. When he's back he tells me it wasn't all that cold. So I go and shower too. I ask him for new clothes and he just rolls his eyes. "Take what you need," he says.

The bathroom is colder than Bakura's room, despite him only using it a few minutes ago. I freeze when I step naked into the bathtub. I freeze more when the water hits my skin. Fuck! It's like sharp glass is falling on me! So much for 'not being all that cold'!

I still stay under the water jet to wash my body and my hair, but I do not enjoy this shower. My nipples get hard from the cold. I am glad when I can finally turn off the ice water. I dry my body with a towel.

I'm happy when I go back to Bakura's room. We spend some more time together, talking. It really lifts me up being together with him! He let me sleep in his bed, he put his cheek on my shoulder... He's still rude, but I've come a long way of having the door smashed to my face to spending a whole day together with him! I feel proud.

* * *

By afternoon, I really want to go outside. Hurricane or not, I can't stand being in one room all the time. Bakura doesn't want to. Which confirms that he wasn't going out for a walk yesterday, but to meet somebody. I get dressed up in my new coat and leave the room by the window.

I notice him looking at me as I stand with one foot on the window sill. "What?"

He's lying on the bed, with my tablet in his hand. "You know, I only allowed you here because of the power outage." He sits up. "This was a special occasion. So, as soon as we have power again you can piss off into your own room."

I breathe out through my nose. I kind of expected this. Bakura always has to ruin the mood, doesn't he? He would rather die than admit that he likes the company of somebody else. Now, I know I'm not the optimal company for him. Zork or Duke or somebody else would be better for him, he'd say. But why can't he just let things be as they are? Why derogate the time we spend together?

I simply nod, not sure what to answer. Words will not do a thing. It's better if I don't pay much attention to him being deliberately rude. I jump outside and head downstairs to the fire escape. I cannot walk fast, I'm too afraid I might slip. Of course Bakura had to ruin our day, of course he had to make himself better by putting me down. But it's alright. We still spend the day together, he cannot deny that.

The blizzard is gone. No wind anymore. The streets are still full of snow, making it hard to walk with a decent pace. Not many people are outside. No cars. I have to push the snow, kicking it in front of me as I fight my way through it. It's hard to distinguish the sidewalk from the street. I am not really sure If I am still on the sidewalk.  
But it doesn't matter. I am glad to get some fresh air. The jacket Bakura gave me is keeping me warm, hah, I love this thing. It goes down over my hips down to my legs. A bit too feminine but I don't care. The fur around the hoodie helps too, my head area is cozily warm. Yet another thing Bakura did for me. Really, I am not that delusional here, am I? He does things for me, thus he must like me to some degree. Still, at the end of the day he always tries to put distance between us.

But it's okay, I understand that. He's too afraid. His father's fault. But it's okay, I'm gonna repair that.

* * *

After my walk I feel a bit better. Still, I want to work out but jumping again under the cold water? Hell, no. So I just chill the rest of the day, as does Bakura. He has fallen asleep by the time I am back and I do my best to not wake him up. I continue reading the book, then play a bit on my tablet, then eat another orange. How slow the day is, if you don't have a thing to do! Eventually, Bakura wakes up.

He wants to go to the basement to check the fuse. It might be that the power is back, but our fuse is still off. That's actually a brilliant idea. I accompany him of course.

The basement is cold. All freezers are silent, making the room eerie. It's as if they are sentient beings, just waiting to jump at you. Bakura walks slowly forward and I follow him. He reaches the small metal box on the wall and opens it, revealing a long line of switches, all being shift down. He clicks every one up and suddenly, the fridges begin to buzz again. The light is still off but as I go to switch it on, it works. Yey!

But that also means I can 'piss off into my own room', doesn't it.

We walk back upstairs, finding the fridge in the kitchen and the TV in Bakura's room work again. Without losing a word, Bakura turns on his PlayStation and the TV and proceeds to sit in front of the screen, waiting for his game to load. His eyes lost, his expression numb. Great. At least he has not thrown me out yet.

But he does ignore me. I lay down on his bed and watch him, occasionally throwing a question at his head, to which he doesn't reply. Soon it is six PM and I head down. I doubt the club will be open tonight, but you never know. But all I find is Akefia in the kitchen, making himself food. I respond his glare with a nod and go back upstairs.

Bakura's door is locked. I knock, he opens. Before I can say something, he pushes my blankets against my chest. I grab them reflexively. "Bakura, why-"

"The power's back, isn't it," he mutters. He puts the jacket on top of the blankets, followed by my tablet. "Bye." And the door closes.

* * *

I go upstairs to my room, which is chillingly cold. I turn on the heater and put on the jacket. It feels weird to be here after all the time I spend downstairs. Bakura's room feels so much more like home than this room. I chat with Ishizu, who's glad I'm okay. She tells me about stuff that happened at home and try to not think about Bakura.

Which would be much easier if I had to work tonight.

Okay, fuck this, fuck you, negative emotions! I am not sad, why would I be, I have made so much progress with Bakura, I am happy about that! We had a great day! We will have more great days, don't worry. He was just overwhelmed by me. It was enough, we spend all day together, it's understandable!

I dress up in jogging pants and two sweaters and go outside to jog. Yeah, it's a free evening, I will work on my body tonight!

* * *

 **A/N: Yeeeee, I'm super late. It's hard to keep up.**


	13. Day 37: Friend

**Day 37**

* * *

 _1/28/2016 - Thursday_

* * *

Remember that awesome day I spend with Bakura, last week, Diary? Yes? Well, now I barely believe it ever happened.

He hasn't talked to me at all. Not that he ever comes to talk to me, so- Okay, scratch that. What I mean is: He doesn't _let me_ talk to him. I came upstairs to him between my break every night, and he always closed the door before my face. Not even a word, no response, nothing more than a grunt.

Why? I thought we were closer now. What changed?

* * *

Let me tell you my highlights of the week:

Monday:  
Late at night, when I was still up in my room, browsing the internet, I heard a car pulling up. Zork of course, bringing Bakura back home, along with Joey and another guy. Duke maybe? They seemed drunk, singing, or rather yelling some songs. Bakura climbed the stairs rather slowly, he seemed highly intoxicated. Guess they celebrated Joey's birthday after all. On a school day. But that's not my business.

Tuesday:  
So we all know Katherine hates me. For no apparent reason, but whatever. On Tuesday evening I cleaned the girls room while she was there getting ready to dance on stage. She was typing away on her mobile and sat down at the table for a minute. I came to her to wipe the table, because it was sticky. She watched me with raised eyebrows and pulled the phone close to herself. As if I cared what she was doing!

Later, when I was at the bar, she came over. I was kneeling down, checking ingredients in the lowest cupboards to see what we'll need more and what can be thrown away, so she didn't see me. But I recognized her voice as she started to complain about me to Mai.

"He's always watching me, whenever I am around," she said. "It's creepy."

"Well," Mai said slowly. "I am not sure if you-"

"What, you don't believe me?" she snapped.

I stood up. It wouldn't be fair to listen in, plus putting Mai in a difficult position.

"I do believe you have that impression," Mai said. She turned sideways, glancing at me. "And if this is a serious problem between you two, we should sit down and talk this out. But not now, okay? After work, yes?" She looked first at her than at me. We nodded. "Good."

Katherine threw me a glare, then turned around and went back to pleasing customers.

Uff. Goddammit, I never watched you, stupid Katherine. It's true, whenever you where near I got nervous but only for the simple reason that you hate me! You started this, what the heck am I to blame for! I watched Mai, waited for her to make a comment, but she never did. "After work," was all she said.

In my break I went upstairs, saw Bakura for the two seconds he needed to open the door and slam it close again, noticed a new bruise under his eye, then went into my room. Not long, and Zork came and picked Bakura up. Again, going out? Another celebration? I wonder what Bakura's friends think of his bruises. Aren't they worried?

* * *

After work, Mai, Katherine and I sat down in the girl's room at the table, waiting for the rest of the girls to go home. Anzu shot me a wink to which I responded with a helpless smile. Katherine hadn't put on her civilian clothes on yet and shivered visibly as the girls opened and closed the exit door several times, before everybody was finally out.

When Melody - I don't know her real name - passed by, Katherine and her exchanged glances. Melody was the one I saw Katherine making out with once. Are they a couple?

Mai noticed that too and asked Katherine if they have something going on. Katherine said it wasn't forbidden to have a relationship going on in the club to which Mai responded that yes, it wasn't, as long as it didn't cause any trouble. I was glad that I was not included in that conversation and zoomed out, wondering if Bakura was still outside.

But then the real issue of the meeting came upon and Katherine began describing my terrible and creepy behavior she noticed in the past weeks. Like I am always watching her, rolling my eyes behind her back and talking about her with the other girls. Which I'm not. What the heck is she talking about?!

"And on top of all, you never get _me_ things from the newsstand!" she finished, leaning back and crossing her arms under her enormous boobs.

"Okay, thanks, that's enough," Mai said, turning her head to me. "What do you have to say to this?"

"I never talked to anybody about you," I said. "Never. Whoever told you that is lying." Was it Anzu? "I might have watched you, but unintentionally. I know you can't stand me, so I'm feeling unwell when you're near-"

"Oh yes, blame it all on me!" Katherine cried.

"Ugh. I'm not blaming-"

"You're just a creep!"

"Would you please let me talk?!" I said loudly, unable to contain my annoyance any longer. "I'm not a creep, I'm not interested in you in any way, I'm gay, you stupid...!" I broke off, biting my lip. I didn't want to insult her. The rage was still inside me, wanting me to get physical and throw my chair across the room, but I didn't of course. Just kept sitting, breathing loudly.

"Okay, let's stop here," Mai said, spreading her arms between us. "I think this is all just a misunderstanding. I don't believe that Marik wanted to hurt you deliberately." Here, she looked at me and I nodded. "I never heard him say anything about you either. Why would you think that he was talking about you?"

Talking about her. This is so ridiculous. Reminded me of all the girls in my class who got into fights with one another because one girl said something 'bad' to another girl. Two days later they would be best friends again until someone else 'said something'. How stupid!

Katherine breathed out heavily. "Anzu came over to me and-"

"There you have it!" I burst out. "Anzu! Anzu is nuts!"

"Marik," Mai said low.

"Aw, sorry, but! I'm working here for a month and I already know that you shouldn't trust Anzu! How can _you_ not know it?"

"Marik."

"Okay." I leaned back again.

"That is right, you don't know any of us!" Katherine cried. "Anzu is a very good friend and has always told me everything. Why would she lie?"

"Cause it's fun for her? I really don't know," I mumble.

"I say you should sit down and have a talk with Anzu," Mai said.

"And what about _him_?" Katherine pointed with her head towards me, as if it wasn't clear that she's talking about me.

"Marik will stop staring at you," Mai said and I gasped. "Just don't look in her direction, okay?" Mai looked at me.

"Okay, but... How what am I supposed to do when we're in one room and I have to clean the table while she's sitting at it?" I asked.

"Just clean it without being creepy!" Katherine sighed.

"That's what I did!" I growled.

"No, you didn't! You were staring at me!"

"I was fucking not!"

"Guys!" Mai yelled, again lifting her arms. She sighed loudly. "Okay, what about this? Marik will not enter the girl's room when you are inside. When he comes in and sees you, he will have to leave and return later. Would that be fine?"

"You can't be serious," I mumbled. Leaving the room because she was inside sounded so childish.

"Okay," the blonde sighed. "I guess there is no other way."

I couldn't help but stare at her at this point. ' _I guess there is no other way_ '?! What else do you want me to do, I thought. Getting off of this planet?!

"Marik?" Mai turned her tired eyes to me.

I shrugged. "Yeah, fine."

* * *

Wednesday (yesterday):

Katherine came in early and I had to leave the room twice before I could finally clean the bathroom. Another time, when I wanted to go out and get the cigarettes for everybody, I walked through the room. I shielded my vision when I noticed her being inside and hurried quickly outside. I heard her yelling something.

Later in my break, Bakura closed the door in my face so I went upstairs. I was hungry as a wolf so I ate a bit of the chilli Mahad made earlier this evening. I heard yelling downstairs and went down to investigate.

Of course the sound came from Akefia and Bakura, who were cursing at each other. Akefia slapped Bakura and turned away, going to his room.

Bakura stood there for a few seconds. I rushed to him, he yelled "Fuck you!" at me, and slammed the door before me. The bruise from the day before was still visible and now he had another one on his cheek.

Loud rock music came from behind the door. I heard Bakura yelling out in frustration.

I went upstairs and crashed onto my bed. My head missed my pillow but I was too numb to care. Tears came out of my eyes and ran over my face.

I felt so lost in this world. I don't belong here, I thought. I really don't. Back home, I had no friends, but at least I could always come back to my family. I could go to school every morning and had Yuugi to talk to, Sarah, and a few others. Sure, most of the guys there hated me, but at least they respected me enough for my good grades and my appearance. Here, nobody cares for my work. I get a short 'thank you' sometimes. But it is expected that I collect the trash or cut the onions. It's work. There are no grades. You don't get A's or B's or F's. You either get a D for attendance or an F for absence.

I began to understand why Bakura is so cold. Of course you cut of all emotions when you never get any positive feelings throughout your day. Why go through all the pain when you can simply be numb? But it's not like it's a choice anyways. It's happening gradually.

* * *

So, today is Thursday and I slept in. I wanted to go out and jog a bit but it is already 2 PM and I have to wash some clothes. Guess today will be a sad day again.

 _Such a lonely day... and it's mine ~_

Bakura is awake, I hear him rumoring in the kitchen, cursing at something. I'm barely dressed and carrying a pile of clothes because I want to go to shower. But first I'm gonna take a peek into the kitchen!

"What's up," I say, stepping in.

"This fucking asshole of a fuck stole my jar!" comes the answer. Bakura is crouching before the cupboard. All the Tupperware is spread around him and he is throwing out more. "I can't find my jar of pickles, so he must have gotten it!"

 _Fucking asshole of a fuck._ The more Bakura gets angry, the sillier his insults sound. I crouch next to him, only just to be close to him. "Mm, I see." I peer inside the cabinet. There's a pound of rice, as always. And a bag of chips, which Bakura grabs.

"I need a new hiding place," he mutters and gets up. I get up too.

We stare at each other for a few seconds. His look is wild, eyes full of anger, lips tight, arms tensed. The bruise from yesterday is gone, but the one around his eye is still visible, painting the skin dark. I feel tired. Thinking that I will have to work tonight again. Seven and a half hours. Every day. For 300 days and more. Here. In this place where everybody hates me.

Bakura frowns. "What's with you?" he asks, bursting my depression bubble.

I look up, shrugging. "Nothing. Why do you think that there's something with me?"

He crosses his arms before his chest, patting the chips bag against his arm and tilting his head. "I'm not sure."

I smile at him. He noticed that I am in a bad mood, just from the first glance. I instantly feel better. Even if this is the only conversation we'll have today, I am glad he's here. He's the only one around here who notices me and thinks about me.

"Well, usually you're the happiness in person," he then says. "Can't keep your eyes of me, pouting at every mean word... And now you're having something else in mind."

"That's true," I say.

He stares at me. "What is it?"

"Why would I tell you?" I grin. When you don't tell me a single thing about you.

He grins back. "Okay, true." He blinks. "What about you come to me tonight? I'll get pizza again."

My grin drops. "Really?" I croak. I must have sounded really stupid, because Bakura chuckles. "Of course, yes!" I say, trying to steady my voice.

Eating pizza with him again! In his warm room, laughing and having fun! After this miserable week of nobody caring for me or even as much as looking at me, the prospect of having a simple dinner with another human sounds like paradise! I can't help it, I need to hug him!

I press my clothes with one arm against my chest, take the one step towards him and put my other arm around his neck. "You wouldn't believe how happy this makes me!" I murmur into his shoulder.

Bakura grabs my arm and pushes me away. "Okay, fine, but stop this," he grumbles, glaring. "You are right, I don't believe it," he says, raising an eyebrow.

I just smile at him.

He takes a step to the side, scratching the back of his head. "Cheese pizza again? Or something else?"

"The cheese one was good, but you can get something else if you want. I don't care, I eat everything!"

He looks back. "Even anchovies?"

"Yeah, sure." I shrug.

He makes a face as if he isn't sure if he should say what he wants to say. "Nobody likes them the first time they eat them. But the second time they crave them." He looks expectantly at me.

I feel like he's told me a joke and I'm not getting it. "Um-"

"Forget it, I get something else," he grins. "Be hungry, yeah?"

"Sure," I say.

He leaves the kitchen, going into his room. I look at the mess at my feet and sigh. Why can't he clean up after himself? But I don't mind. I put the Tupperware back in the cupboard and go showering. I am happy again! I sing and dance under the shower, remembering the cute grins Bakura gave me. I'll see him tonight again! I'll see him again after five horrible days of him ignoring me.

A while later, after I have put clothes into the washing machine and play some Candy Crush, negative thoughts creep back in.

Yeah, Bakura made me happy by inviting me to his room for tonight, but it's also his fault that I am feeling bad in the first place. Okay, he has no obligation to be friendly to me. But when you have been nice to someone once, why stop being nice after some time? He's only okay talking to me when he feels like. If he doesn't want to see me, I have to be silent and accept that. It's unfair.

* * *

At work, there's an incident with one customer taking out his dick in front of a waitress. She and other girls saw it and tell it Mai. Joe comes and throws the guy out. Other than that, the evening is pretty lame. I don't have much to do. The other cooks leave early and Mahad takes a long time smoking outside while I'm bored.

I go upstairs at my break, hoping that Bakura will open the door tonight. We'll see each other later, so he might be in the mood to see me in my break as well? Or he won't be in the mood _because_ he have to see me later. I can't tell.

I knock. Music is playing, so he might not hear me. There's no reaction and I knock louder. A few seconds pass. Then: "Who is it?"

"Me!" I yell. Who else would it be? Does Akefia knock?

He opens the door and pulls me inside. "What is it?"

I shrug and pass him, go to his bed and sit down. Hah, how I missed this room! The desk is messier than ever, there are dirty socks on the floor, and the bed is full of crumbs. I lie down on my back.

"Marik." Bakura stands in front of me, arms crossed.

"Mhm."

"Marik!"

"What?" I sit up again.

"It's not 2 AM yet, is it?" he hisses between his teeth.

I press my lips together. This again, right? Pretending you don't like me all, being all hostile and mean, and afterwards helping me, giving me food and laughing with me. "Why?" I ask.

"Why what?"

"Why the heck do you want to eat dinner with me together?" He opens his mouth, but I cut him off before he can utter anything. "Why do you close the door in my face this whole week? Okay, yeah, we're not friends, I got it, but if that is so, then let's not see each other again anymore at all, instead of you calling me over whenever _you_ want me." I cross my arms and look away.

He chuckles loudly a few times, shakes his head, then chuckles some more. "Marik, I just didn't had any time, that's all. You're ridiculous." His voice makes the weird pitching movement. He uncrosses his arms and lifts his palms. "Eating pizza together - pizza, _I_ buy by the way - is just an offer, that's all. Take it or leave it." He puts his hands on his hips and stares at me.

"Okay, point taken. You pay for it. But you don't have to, you can eat it all alone and I can eat my stuff." I have a deja vue. "We talked about this already, didn't we?" I say, my voice sounding tired. "You said you _wanted_ to buy a big pizza because seeing me eating the crap from downstairs feels wrong or something, I dunno-"

"Yeah!" He sighs. "Yeah, that's it, that's all. So... Just eat with me, or not, I don't care!"

"But _why_ do you make this offer in the first place?" I ask. "Why not eat alone?"

He makes a reverse sigh: inhaling air; slowly and loud, then he pushes it all out again. "I..." He shakes his head, eyelids dropping tiredly. "If you don't want to, you don't have to." His voice's pitch is low, his lips pursed. He looks away. Okay, fine, then don't tell me.

"I want to," I say. "But I don't want to dance to your tune."

"Okay." He shrugs. "Then..." He looks back at me. "Then will you come tonight or not?"

My eyes wander from his face down to the floor. "I don't know yet," I reply grumpily.

* * *

I return to work. In the end, this conversation hasn't brought me forward at all. He neither explained his contradictory behavior, nor did he make any amends. All he did was repeating the same line in different ways. At least I have his weird offer of eating pizza with him tonight again. Right, it's again on a Thursday. What's with this day, is it the only one where his boyfriend doesn't have time for him? Is it that? Am I just a placeholder?

I'm frustrated. Katherine hasn't been in today, at least I don't have to worry about her today. Still, nobody talks to me as much as giving me orders what to cut, clean or throw away next. I'm lonely in a loud, flashy club that's full of customers and workers. As I'm mopping the customer's bathroom, my thoughts go back to Bakura and his twitchy eyes and his closed mouth which avoided telling me what's the deal.

I never knew that I could feel so lonely.

Mai is the only one who notices my mood. It's near the end of the evening and she pats my shoulder and tells me I've done a good job tonight. I didn't even notice. But she's right, I prepared the bar for her in no time, helped Mahad with the dishes in no time and cleaned the rooms in no time. Working kind of helped me. My thoughts were super slow, because I occupied my mind with work. It was kind of therapeutic. I can't say I feel less lonely, but my feelings are more numbed now.

I nod to Mai and she gives me a smile and a confused brow. "You okay?"

I wonder for a split second if I should lie to her. "No, I'm not." She asked and I am too desperate to not take that offer.

"What's wrong?"

Before I can answer, a drunk customer walks up to the bar and yells loudly that he wants another beer. Mai tells him that the bar is closed and that he should go home. The club is open for another half hour actually, but yeah, go home, drunkard. He doesn't understand what she's saying and she has to argue a bit with him, before he finally gets that he won't get another beer from here.  
Dotty hurries to us, puts her tray in its place, takes off her apron and starts complaining about the evening to Mai. I stand back and listen a bit, but soon go over to the kitchen to see if Mahad needs me.

By the time I can go upstairs I am tired, sad and hungry. At least I'll see Bakura tonight. Or will I? I did not say I will come definitely. I might as well not go to him. But what will I accomplish by that? It's childish, isn't it? I do want to see him, even if it's just once a week. I hope he won't mock me for that.

* * *

I knock at his door and he opens. I can hear Akefia's voice talking to someone over the phone in the other room. Bakura ushers me to come inside quickly. The room is warm.

Yeah, the room is very warm! Bakura must have turned the heater up high. The TV and the PlayStation are on, but only display the PlayStation's home screen circling around. The desk lamp is on too. That's how it's here most of the time, Bakura doesn't seem to like to illuminate the room with any stronger lights. He smiles at me - no, he's grinning, kind of a smug grin and closes the door behind me.

I can't help but chuckle, even though I have no idea what he's grinning for. But he's cute, and I haven't talked to anybody for like a week, so I'm amazed and happy. I have already forgotten why I was even sad. "What's up?"

"So you wanna spend more time with me, right?" He goes a step backwards, standing before his bed. No, before the mattress laying next to his bed. On top of it a pillow I've never seen before and some of his blankets.

I frown. It is true, but it wasn't quite the reason I was pissed at him before. He didn't listen.

"Okay, okay, I know, you think I only call you over when I want you," he sighs. So he did listen. "That's not the truth. You don't _have_ to come," he says and I cross my arms and look away. Yeah, but I- "but you would always come, wouldn't you?" I look back and nod. "So the real problem is that you want to spend more time with me than I would like to spend with you, right?"

"Yeah," I say loudly. You just explained it in a different way, but it still remains the same situation. It's unfair.

He takes a moment to look at me. "It's not that I don't want to spend time with you," he says, sighing. He moves his head, breathing out loudly. "I just need time for myself, you know? It's not about you specifically. I don't spend much time with any other friends either, you know?" He's sighing more, clearly having trouble to talk about this. "Let's take Zork. I don't see Zork often. He brings me to school and back nine out of ten times, but that's it. I talk to him at school, during breaks and all, but- That's enough social interaction for me. It's too much actually. I'm an introvert, I don't need other people around me as much." He's talking faster now. His eyes have locked with mine. "So it's not that I don't want to see _you_ , it's more that I need time for myself. I do want to see you sometimes and I get that that is not enough for you for whatever reason" - here he rolls his eyes - "so here's my offer."

He looks down at the mattress and taps it with his foot. "You can come and sleep next to me on this, if you like. It's not exactly spending time with me, well, with an unconscious me, but that's the best I can offer you." He shrugs.

' _I don't spend much time with any other friends either.' Other. Friends. Friends!_

I open my mouth and close it again. "Did you-" I am unsure if I heard right. That was too much information at once. "Did you just call me a ff-" He darts his eyes at me, frowning. "friend?" I finish. He said that, didn't he? ' _I don't spend much time with any of my other friends.'_ He did say that; I can't get those words out of my head. My heart pounds faster.

His tense expression drops. His eyes become unfocused, he tries to remember the words he said just a minute ago. Finally, he frowns and bites his lip, giving up something. Either he gave up trying to remember or he gave up resisting-

"Okay, yeah!" he suddenly says, louder than he has has to. He walks past me - one, two, three steps - and stands one step behind me. I don't turn around to him and judging from his voice it sounds like hasn't done that either. "I guess I regard you as something like a friend now." His voice sounds sullen. As if seeing me as a friend is something he has no choice over.

"We're friends?" I squeak, barely managing to hide my joy. Friends! He likes me! That does mean he likes me, right? I stand still, my crossed arms pressed against my body. Suddenly there's so much energy in my body! I turn around and spread my arms, wanting to hug him but he pushes me away.

"Ughhh," he makes, steps over the mattress and sits on his bed, then swings his legs on the bed as well. "Yeah, we're friends and you can sleep next to me every night! Is that okay by you?" he asks, sounding aggressive. He's turned away from me again, but I can see that his face is tensed again.

"I'm very okay with this," I answer and kneel down on the mattress. "So I can come by _every_ night, yeah?" I grab the pillow and drop down, planting my face into it. It smells fresh, it must be new. There's no pillow case around it. There's none around Bakura's either. Guess he isn't a big fan of those.

"Yeah, that's what I am telling you!" He's still angry. Sigh.

I smile into my pillow, closing my eyes. "Thank you." I realize, that's actually a very big step for him, isn't it? Not as big as allowing me to see him every day during daylight, but still! I sit up and look at him, or try to.

Bakura is laying on the bed, arms crossed, eyes angry, his face turned away a bit. "Ugh. It's just a compromise." He focuses his eyes on me. "Happy?"

"Very much," I answer. My voice is soft. I'm truly happy. "I'm very thankful," I say. "Thank you, Bakura!"

"Yeah, whatever." He moves his face away again.

It's a clever compromise. We're together, just as I wish it, yet he does not have to deal with me, because we're asleep. Finally, I will have something I can look forward too, just as back home. It doesn't matter how bad the day will be, because at the end of it I will go upstairs and sleep together with Bakura in one room! I lie down again and giggle into my pillow. "You bought this for me? The pillow?"

"Mh."

"I cannot visit you during the day then?"

He glances at me. "If I'm in the mood."

Hm. Sounds like a 'no'. What will I do on my break now? But still, after work I know he'll open the door for me! It doesn't matter how his mood will be, he must open the door for me! I love him. I really, really love him. He's the only one, the only thing I look forward to. Bakura. My kind, awkward Bakura. Trying to be mean and spitting fire at me, but inevitably, he's helping me, gifting me his items and his time.

"Let's go," he says silently and gets up. "Come." He searches my eyes and I look up.

"Hm, what?"

"Stop hugging your pillow and get up. We have to get the pizza."

* * *

We put on coats and jackets, shoes and scarfs and climb through the window. It's the first time we're outside together. Aside from the rooftop.

I can't stop grinning. I love spending time with Bakura! He's walking fast, hands buried in the pockets of his coat, face hidden behind the flipped open collar. I feel the need to be physically close to him. I want to hug him, touch his hair or, I don't know, just pet him! Whenever Ishizu, Rishid, Dad or I had an emotional moment, we would hug each other. Got an F on a test, Ishizu? Oh my god, come here! Rishid got promoted? Shoulder pats and rubs! Dad loses it, can't stop thinking of Mom? Group-hug.

Bakura is too fast, he has to wait several times for me until I've crossed the street as well. We pass the central station, still going west. The streets are pretty empty, like you would expect at half past 2 AM. All stores are closed, yet fully lit. Sometimes a car passes by, but not often.

"Why didn't you get the pizza earlier?" I ask, as I catch up to Bakura.

"Complaining are we?"

"No. I'm just asking. I don't mind at all walking around together with you."

"I'm sure you don't."

We cross another street and this time I reach the sidewalk at the same time he does. "Why do you want to spend time with me though? You never cleared that up."

"I don't want to spend time with you."

"You said you 'wanted to see me sometimes'. Those are your words, not mine."

"Yeah, cause you're words are probably 'want to see you 24/7', right."

"Don't change the subject!"

He chuckles and suddenly leaves my side, hopping into a building. I look up. 'The Pizza Place' it says in broad clear letters over a small door. It is the only open thing on this road, safe for the bar on the other side of the street. I follow inside and find Bakura at the counter, exchanging two boxes of pizza against money. Ahh, it smells so wonderful in here! Light painted walls, lots of plants and a big ass traditional oven, where one cook is pushing in new pizzas with his big shovel thingy. Why don't I work here.

Bakura pushes me outside. "Come on." He gives me the boxes to carry and we're hurrying back. The warmth and the smell of the food almost drives me insane. I'm freaking hungry, I notice suddenly.

"Why two?" I ask after catching up with him.

"Bought two smaller ones."

"But why?"

"Couldn't decide on one type."

"Why do you want to spend time with me?" I try again.

"I don't want to."

"And what are we doing here right now?" I yell. I stop walking, causing him to stop to. I've had enough of this. Why does he has to be so stubborn?

He's a few steps ahead of me and turns back, standing before me. "We're getting dinner," he mutters, looking me in the eye. "Then we're gonna eat it, and then we're gonna go to sleep. Call this what you want. Friendship or companionship, I don't care. I just don't like labels, is all." He turns back and we continue pacing through the city.

* * *

On one hand he is right. Why do I have this need to label everything. He called me 'friend' by accident or lie, or not, it doesn't really matter does it. It does not change the fact that he let's me sleep in his room, gets food for me etc. Actions count, not words. I do know this. I call this friendship, but he doesn't. What does it matter.

But on the other hand, why won't he just acknowledge, that he _wants_ me to see me on Thursdays? _He_ asked _me_ , not the other way around. He _wants_ me to come to him. Can't be that hard to just admit that, can it!

Or wait. What if he doesn't actually want to spend time with me, but does it _for_ me? Cause he knows that I'd like to? Even though I annoy him. Could it be? But that would mean he doesn't like to spend time with me, while still liking me. Doesn't make much sense.

We climb up the fire escape, pushing through the snow and get inside. Hah, warm. I put the boxes and the bed and we undress.

I peek under the box lids. One smells like fish indeed. Is this the anchovies one? The other has salami on it. My mouth fills with drool. It smells so good!

I'm sitting on the bed, the deliciously smelling boxes in front of me. Bakura comes back from the kitchen with two beers and gives me one. Has he forgotten that I don't like beer? "I don't-" I start but he interrupts me.

"It's shandy," he says, pointing at it. "Read."

I turn the bottle in my hand and read 'mixed beer shandy'. I'm not sure what a 'mixed' beer is supposed to be. Or... 'shandy'. So I look up to Bakura who sighs annoyed.

"It's beer mixed with soda, moron. Bought it especially for you." He sits down across of me and takes a sip, "Uh, piss water," then puts the bottle down on the floor. "I don't understand why you need clarification. Aren't I'm doing enough things for you for you to know that I like you," he murmurs so silently, that I barely catch it.

I smile. "No, you're right. I was stupid, sorry." ' _...that I like you._ ' I grab the nearest slice - the fishy one - and bite into it. ' _...I like you._ ' "Ugg." I slap my palm against my mouth and stare at Bakura. Salty! I want to spit it out again. What is this?!

Bakura laughs. "Told you! Told you no one likes it on the first try!" He pulls the anchovies pizza box close to him and pushes the other to me. "Take this one then."

I chew the bite I had in my mouth and throw the remains of the slice back into the box. "Ew, how can you eat this."

"It's good, you just don't know it yet."

We eat in silence. The salami one is yummy. I craved meat actually, I didn't know it before now. Wished I could eat more various stuff then those salads from the kitchen downstairs. I'm so glad Bakura is here, I'm so thankful for him, really. Why do I have to be such an ungrateful person, he's the only who cares for me at this place.

"I'm sorry," I say after I finish my last slice. "I have no right to complain whatsoever, huh. You've been nice to me all this time. Not with words, but differently."

Bakura is still chewing. "Yeah. Imagine it the other way: Saying super nice stuff about you but letting you starve while I eat pizza right in front of you. Oh wait," he moves his head and grins, "there's already such a person: Anzu!"

I laugh. He's right, sounds exactly like something she would do. He grins along and pushes the last bit of pizza in his mouth, then mumbles something unintelligible. "What?"

He gulps. "So why were you sad today?"

I stare at him. Does he really want to know this? "It was a stupid week," I say and shrug. Now, here on Bakura's bed, full with pizza and starting to get tired, it all doesn't seem so bad anymore. I was just a big baby. "I'm okay," I add.

Bakura tilts his head and frowns. "Nah, come on, tell me," he urges.

I pout. "Why. You're not telling me, whether or not you want to spend time with me..."

His whole expression changes. His pupils shrink, his hinted smile vanishes. "Marik, I'm gonna fucking kill you!" he burst out, almost spitting at me. He jacks up from his slouched posture, breathing loudly. "I like you, okay! I like you and I like spending time with you! Will you finally get it?!"

My pouted lips curve up into a smile. "Apology accepted!" I grin.

"What? You little...!"

I laugh. I know he's not mad for real, but he's honestly annoyed and that's wonderful. He's the only real thing among all the fake boobs and favorable lightning here.

He collects the boxes and napkins and gets up, sighing. "Fine, don't tell me."

"Okay, come back, I will!" I lean forward and grab his wrist.

He throws the trash in his garbage can and comes back. Mh, I don't like it when he leaves smelly trash in his room but okay, chill Marik. Don't be an annoying little prick. Bakura sits back down on his spot in front of me, face indifferent, but eyes fixed on me. "So?"

I grab my bottle, half of the beer is still in it. This kind of beer tastes pretty good. I hold onto it. "I feel very lonely here," I say, looking down at the space between us. "All I do is working, or spending time upstairs or outside, but it's all lonesome, you know. That's why I'm so clingy towards you, I guess."

"You cuddled much with you gf back home?" he chuckles.

I shrug. "Not really. But I could talk to a few people at school. And I had my family. I could always come to Ishizu if I had a problem and she would listen."

Bakura is silent and I look up. He's looking down now as well, then lifts his eyes back onto me. "How does talking help?" He frowns. "I never talk to anybody about anything." He grabs his bottle, turns it upside down and holds it far up, until one last drop falls into his open mouth.

"Never? You never ever mention anything to Zork ...or Joey or Duke?"

"I don't know Joey or Duke that good."

"And Zork?"

"We don't talk."

"Ohhkayyy-"

"Argh, no, we're not sleeping with each other, what the fuck. There's just not much to discuss, I don't know."

That's how it's with most boys, right? Girls love to discuss every single movement some guy made while they were talking to him, while boys will come up to you and ask if you banged her yet. That's all they're interested in, it seems. Fucking. Is Bakura the same?

* * *

We get up. Bakura undresses and I grab the smelling pizza boxes and the bottles and bring them to the kitchen trash can. When I come back, Bakura is lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling. "So you hug your sister and your dad?" he asks slowly.

"Yes."

"Like in the movies?"

I don't know what he means by that but nod. Like in the movies? Why, do people hug each other differently there than in real life? I take off my sweater, but remember my pajamas upstairs. Along with my pillow and blankets. Not that I have anything against the stuff Bakura provided me, but why have only one pillow, if you can have two?

I put on my boots and go upstairs.

A little while later I'm lying next to Bakura, on the mattress under a thick layer of covers and smile. He likes me. He said it so. He got me a pillow and let's me sleep here every night, whether my heater fails or not. Ahhh, I just want to pull him into a strong hug! It's so weird to me that he doesn't understand the benefits of hugging and talking. But it fits. Akefia surely never hugs him, so Bakura wouldn't like hugs either.

"What do you mean 'like in the movies'?" I ask and look up to him.

He's lying on his back, not looking at me. "You know, like in every other movie. The hero's family might be weird or mean, but they always hug and say 'I love you's' in the end."

"That's not a movie exclusive."

"Mh."

I lift myself up by propping up on my elbow. "Why do you think that only people in mov-" I stop talking as Bakura turns his face to me. A light from outside hits one side of his face. The dark circle around his eyes has not vanish yet. "Right. Sorry." I lie back, and he looks straight ahead again. I'm an idiot. Of course he wouldn't know how it is in other families. I try to imagine Akefia and Bakura smiling at each other, then embracing each other lovingly. It doesn't look like something that could really happen.

"Don't be sorry so often," he mutters.

We're silent for a minute or so. I look up at him. He doesn't seem to be ready for sleep, as he's still just looking up at the ceiling. So cute. So beautiful. And he likes me! "Bakura," I say to see if he's available for talking.

"Mh."

"Why is your hair white?"

"Why is yours blond?" he counters.

"Cause, uh, I was born with it," I reply.

"Same here!" he says. I growl. He laughs. "Okay," he sighs. He moves onto his side, putting his arm under his head. I turn around as well to face him. "It a kind of albinism," he explains. "It's inheritable, but not all features are active. Akefia for example only has the white hair and his skin is unaffected. While I have both the white hair and the light skin."

"Right, you should be darker normally," I mutter.

He nods.

"What's with-"

"My mom?"

I nod.

"Japanese."

"Oh." I bite my lip. I knew it already, someone told me. Anzu, I think. We look at each other. "Where is she?"

"Away. Ran off when I was four."

"Mm. I'm sorry."

"What's with yours?"

"Died."

"Ah." He glances down shortly. "I'm sorry." As he says this, he actually looks like he means it and I nod.

"Thanks."

"How old were you then?"

"She died," I look away without moving my head, "when I was born. She died because of me." Then I look back at him. "I killed her."

Until then, his face remained expressionless, but as I said the last sentence, he looked stunned. "Killed? I wouldn't say you killed her!"

I breath out. "Yeah, let's not- let's not talk about that," I stutter, averting my eyes again.

"Mm." He grins at me. "Good night, moron."

"Good night, Bakura."

He turns away, pulling his covers with him, leaving his back exposed. He's wearing an undershirt and boxers only. He hasn't brushed his teeth, nor his hair. While I'm laying here with my silly pajamas and clean teeth and brushed hair. He's a mess, a smelly, rude mess. But with a golden heart.  
He's my friend! My crush. My roommate, kind of. I feel so much better now. "I love you!" I form the words with my mouth without sound.


	14. Day 47: The Feeling of being loved

**Day 47**

* * *

 _2/7/2016 - Sunday_

* * *

What a week! I'm feeling so much better, it's all going uphill.

So here's the breakdown:

Friday:  
Bakura went out with his friends at my break. He actually opened the door for me, but only to tell me that I'll have to use the window to get inside at times he's away. He wants to keep the door closed because of Akefia. I was dumbfounded and nodded without saying anything, but I was actually pretty sad. What's the point in sleeping in the same room with my crush, when my crush isn't even there?

I still slept in his room. Bakura came home in the morning. I was too sleepy to wake up and talk to him.

* * *

Saturday:  
At noon, when I woke up he was gone again, and I didn't see him.

As much as I love the idea of sleeping in the same room with him from now on, it means also that I can't complain much for not seeing him during the day. He's so nice, gifting me so much yadda yadda. Still, how can you tell someone that you like him and regard him as friend and at the same time not want to spend every waking minute with him? Ughh. But that's probably only me. Other people aren't so clingy because they have enough people around them, so the love they want to give is spread out equally. While my love is concentrated on one person only.

I cleaned up the kitchen a bit, which isn't difficult with all the free space in the fridge and in the cupboards. Bakura made rice and I ate a bit. He has shown me how to make it properly, but so far I never tried to make some myself. He's far better at making it anyways.

I put some rusty pans in the sink and put all the detergents I could find on them, left them for a few hours, scrubbed them, but they still look nasty. Plus, now we're out of detergents.

I went to the storage room next to my bedroom to look for more cleanser. I couldn't find any, but I found clothing detergents! Two big boxes of powder! They come with a handle. For Bakura's (and my) clothes I use a fluid one, but maybe this one was better? But no, I did not open them, because you know what? I'm can use those boxes as weights! They even have handles, it's perfect!

This night, Bakura went out again. I knocked at his door during my break, then again after work. There was no sound at all and I went upstairs to get in via window. The heater was up high and the desk lamp was on. I read a bit, then went sleeping. Mh. It was difficult to fall asleep without hearing Bakura breathing.

* * *

Sunday:

Another lonesome night, as Bakura went out again. But this day, he opened the door during my break and listened to me complaining about Katherine-

Or yeah, right. Let me tell you that first:  
Katherine and Christine, the other stupid bitch- okay, no, stop. I don't want to be one of those guys who call every woman a bitch. Next try:

Katherine and Christine, the other stupid person, have become friends now. They openly hate Anzu and steal her bra's.  
Usually, every girl has to bring her clothing for her stage dances, but sometimes clothing stays here, because the girl owning it stopped working and forgot it or for whatever other reason. Those items get their special place in an open locker and every girl can use them. But nobody does that because it's yuck.

It was half past eight, and the first round of girls got tired and had their break in the dressing room. I was cleaning up, asking if anybody wanted me to get them something and so on. K and C were sitting at the table, sipping coffee. Whenever the table was free, those two would occupy it, as well as the coffee machine. Whatever.

Anzu came in, sweating. She had been dancing on the stage, showing off. No, I know it's the girl's job to dance on the stage, but I also know you cannot do that forever. It's hard lifting your body and swirl it around a pole. All those girls have at least as much muscle mass as I do! So after three or four songs the girls on the stage get down and walk around in the room, ask for customers if they want a lap dance or want to be taken into one of the champagne rooms behind the curtain.  
But Anzu stays five or six songs on the stage, comes for one song down, then goes up again. She has a high endurance, I must give her that.

But it is kind of rude to stay up there for so long. Dancing on the main stage is the best thing, preferable to dancing close to grabby hands and very very preferable to hovering closely above a strangers crotch. I totally understand that. So you leave the main stage after three songs and make room for the other girls. Cause if you're up there, it means someone else has to stay longer off the stage. And you shouldn't make somebody do that. Rude.

Whatever. Anzu came in sweating, complaining about some George who wouldn't leave her alone. 'George' is any guy who gives great tips. Tokyo, aka Nanako, as I know now, nodded whilst chewing gum. "Yeah, that's great," she said. You can sometimes not tell whether or not she means it, or is making fun of you. But Anzu laughed it off and started undress herself, changing into a new outfit. She opened her locker, wearing nothing but a string. I heard Katherine giggling and saw Christine nudge her with her elbow.

And then Anzu's face dropped. Her eyes got big and her mouth tiny. "Whoever took my bra, will give it back now," she said loudly and clearly, making all conversations in the room stop for a moment. But soon the girls picked up chatting again, ignoring Anzu. She put her hands on her waist and spun her body around, her glare wandering around. I could tell she was angry that nobody listened to her. She watched everybody attentively, as if laying out a bait. Anybody who would make so much as eye contact with her was done.

"Why, no bra can save your tits anyways," Christine said.

Someone took the bait and Anzu stepped to her, mouth pursed in fury.

"Aww, Anzuuu... Isn't it right there?" Katherine said, blinking and pointing to her locker.

Anzu went back, grabbed the pink thing and threw it on the table. "That's not mine, it's one of the freebies!"

"Sheesh, no need to yell." Katherine rolled her eyes.

It went on like this. Anzu yelling at everybody and everybody saying they don't know where her bra is. Luckily I could go outside and get cigarettes for the girls, so I wouldn't have to deal with this. Later, I felt bad though. It was pretty obvious who stole her bra. I pulled Anzu aside and told her what I thought.

I know Anzu's not the best person either, but it was unfair and mean of KC. I was away afterwards, helping Mahad in the kitchen. When I came back Mai grabbed me and told me I shouldn't get involved. I told her everything and she said that she doesn't care. "Just don't get involved. It's not your business."

"I just wanted to help," I explained.

When I went back into the dressing room, Anzu passed me, hitting her arm hard against mine. "What?" I turned around, but she was out of hearing. Katherine grinned at me and passed me as well. "Huh? What the heck is going on?"

So now all three, Katherine, Christine and Anzu hate me. I don't know what KC have told Anzu, but it must have worked. Great. Mai was right, I shouldn't have got involved. But I felt bad for her. Why doesn't she see that? I just wanted to help.

* * *

I told Bakura all this on my break, while he was lying on his bed drinking beer.

"And?" I asked, after I had finished. "What do you think?"

He sat up. "So first of all, I didn't want to hear about this shit in the first place," he said. "And secondly, who the hell cares!" He squinted his eyes. He jumped up, his body doing a drunk swirl. "Oh," he muttered, and I grabbed him.

"How many beers did you have?" I asked softly, as to not anger him.

But he frowned and pushed me away anyways. "Not enough," he said and went to the kitchen to grab some more. He came back, sighing. "Mai is right, what are you getting involved for? Those girls don't care for you." He sat down on his bed, looking up at me. "All they see in you is a run boy who brings them cigarettes. It wasn't much different with Jaden." Bakura turns, putting his legs on the bed.

"It wasn't?" I sat down on the chair. "But Mai was... she looked devastated when he left."

"Yeah, Mai. But how where the strip girls behaving?"

I tried to remember. Akefia, Jaden, Mai and standing in a circle, talking. Akefia doing some impressive mental arithmetic. Mai being genuinely worried. The strip girls came out to watch, but they all looked bored. My eyes wandered off, but then jumped back to Bakura's. "You're right. They just came to watch."

He grinned. "See. Nobody cares about you, here!" he said in a sing-song voice, then took a sip.

"Except for you," I replied. His grin dropped and he growled, taking an other sip already, taking it soon. But! he didn't say it wasn't true. He said nothing and that was enough satisfaction for me. He did not deny it! Okay, calm down, cigarette boy, maybe he just did not want to make me sad. But that would also mean that he cares for me!

"I just wanted to help," I repeated, probably for the fourth or fifth time that day.

"Yeah, it's your own fault," he said, nodding, as if it was that what I wanted to imply.

After work, he was out again.

* * *

Monday:

Around noon, I heard him getting up. We ate breakfast together, then he went to school. At 1 PM. Great. At least he went for a couple of hours. I'm confused. Why hasn't the school kicked him out yet? At mine, you couldn't just miss so many hours and days.

Once, I skipped school, because a group of other kids were doing that and I tried to make them like me. That was before I accepted that I was different and unlikable. I tried to be cool and pretended that I was skipping school all the time. We went to a nearby park and just sat around and talked and smoked. We were all about thirteen, so smoking was super cool. I took a drag on a cigarette as well and tried not to cough, but eventually I did. We just talked, did nothing more actually. This was called 'hanging out' and I found it boring. All I could think of was the math lesson I would miss, the missed chance to read out my homework. Afterwards, my Dad was angry at me for skipping school - the teacher had called him - and I never did it again.

Bakura stayed home this evening. And we talked a bit before falling asleep:

"Where were you yesterday?"

"At the morgue."

"What?"

"Just kidding. I was invited at the president's house."

"Bakura."

"What do you want to me to tell you?" He was laying on his stomach and lifted his hand for emphasis.

"Where you were. Can't be that hard."

He let his hand fall down and pressed his lips together. "Mh, I was at uh, a friend." The way he said the word 'friend'... Dammit, it implied that whoever that was, he was definitely more than just a friend. I looked away, feeling ashamed. I was too curious and now I was hurt. He's seeing someone.

"Your boyfriend?"

"No. I don't believe in relationships."

I thought about that words long after he had fallen asleep, snoring lightly. _I don't believe in relationships._ How sad that sounds. As if relationships are a thing that is unreal, or dumb. Bakura doesn't like a lot of things. The news, - because he thinks half of it are lies - comedy and love movies, - because they are not realistic, he says - and helping people. Because you invest time and energy to do something for someone and have no guaranty to get anything back.

What a sad world view, isn't it? Sure stuff that is said on the news is not hundred percent true. But it's mostly true, why would they fake it. And romantic movies are meant to take you into a different world. It's a form to escape reality. You know that at the end the hero will get the heroine, and seeing how it happens makes you happy. Because maybe, just maybe, it could happen to you as well.

And helping people is not about expecting to get anything back! I do it, because, well, because I simply want to help! I can't stand it, if something is unresolved. I want people to be happy. That's all.

* * *

Tuesday:

Again, we talked a bit while laying in bed:

"What's Zork's real name?" I asked.

He snorted. "I swore not to tell anyone."

"What? Doesn't the whole school know his name? I mean, the teachers surely don't call him 'Zork' in class!"

"Eh." He shrugged. Don't tell me they do.

"And how is it spelled? With a K?" I rambled on.

"No, with a C," he said, sounding earnest.

"With a C? Ah, dang," I mumble. I've spelled him wrong this whole time.

Bakura laughs. "What does it matter?"

"I spelled him with a K in my diary..." I muttered.

"You write about Zorc in your diary?" Bakura turned around on his side, propped his elbow on the bed and his cheek on his palm. "Thought _I_ was the love of your life." He was grinning.

"You are," I said with a straight face. "Therefore I have to document everything about you, including your friends."

He grinned even more. "Okay, but really, what do you write up in there? You hafta show me sometimes!"

"Eh, it's boring actually," I replied. "Just lots and lots of pages describing your cuteness."

He chuckled and I laughed too. I meant it. Was that flirting? It was, wasn't it! And it felt so good being so real and honest with him. And he had no problem with it. It's soo nice to flirt openly! Have you ever tried it? If you're straight, chances are you've already done it and had a great time. Even when the other is rejecting you, showing your true feelings is so, so awesome! Or maybe it just feels so great because I had to oppress mine for so long.

* * *

Wednesday:

Okay, this was a strange day.

Bakura wasn't to be seen much, so I head down to work earlier and helped Mahad with the 'sneeze', the mise en place I mean. The preparations. If you don't get it, you have never worked in a kitchen before, but it's fine, ignore my stupid joke, just read on.

KC and Anzu were giggling behind my back as usual and I sighed and kept out of it. I still believe helping Anzu was the right thing to do. I just had bad luck that she turned against me. I should include Anzu into the abbreviation, calling them KAC. Or CAK. It looks a bit like 'Kacke', which is a German word that means shit. Okay, stop with the mean thoughts. I'm trying to be nice.

There was no Bakura in my break, impairing my mood a bit. The more I am with him, the better I feel.  
Afterwards I noticed a customer staring at me whenever I had to walk through the main room. An older guy, balding, sipping cocktails. Not beer or wine, but colorful and decorated glasses filled with red or green fluid. Homo much? I don't know. I don't care normally, but his eyes were clearly after me whenever I was near. And I'm the only guy here. Besides Mahad and the other cooks of course, but they are in the kitchen all the time.

So an hour later, that guy was still there. Dotty came into the kitchen, looking for me and I could instantly tell by the look on her face that something unusual was up.

"What is it?" I asked.

Her eyes darted around, before finally finding mine. "This is weird," she said. "That guy at table forty wants you to bring him a cocktail."

"What?" I wasn't that surprised actually, because I had kind of anticipated it.

She shrugged. "Yeah. Why does a gay guy coming into a strip club full of girls?" She laughed, I laughed. "But for real: You don't have to go to him, if you don't want to."

I thought about it, frowning.

"But he could give you a tip, who knows."

I looked up. "Okay, I'll do it." I stood up, leaving my place next to the bucket full of potatoes and hurried over to the bar.

* * *

A bit later I brought the balding guy at table forty a cosmopolitan and tried to grin at him. I don't think it was convincing, but he grinned as well, eyeing me up and down. I felt disgusted. He was around fifty, with a beer belly and a crooked nose. His eyes couldn't stop wandering around over my body. I noticed that I had held my breath and exhaled, nodded and went back to Mai.

"Ughhhhh." I let my head fall on the counter.

"What, something happened?" asked Dotty chuckling.

"No, but... But the _way_ he looked at me!" I moaned, jerking my head up and slapping my hands on the counter.

"Welcome to my world!" Dotty said in a low voice. She grabbed a tray full with beer and hurried away.

"And he gave me no tip," I continued.

"Well, if you want a tip, pass him again and again," Mai said. "He'll might want another cocktail."

And so I did. First I went back to Mahad and finished cutting potatoes, but then I strolled back, passing table forty of course. He looked at me, _clearly_ checking my rear side. Gah! Yuck! Ugh! Ew! Guh! I felt like a thing, not like a person anymore, but like an item you can put on a shelf and look at it. Is _that_ how it feels to Bakura when I flirt with him?

After the third 'casual' passing of table forty he waved me over and requested another cosmopolitan. I said "of course, Sir" and winked at him. His grin grew wide. So wide, I could see that he was missing a tooth. My smile froze.

He moved his forefinger, wanting me to come closer. Oh shit. But I did. Leaned towards him, but not too close. "Call me Gus," he said, his breath smelling disgustingly sweet and raunchy at the same time.

I nodded and grinned some more, then went to get his cocktail.

"I have so much respect for you now!" I said to the waitresses. Dotty grinned at me and Voula snorted.

"About time!" she said loudly, sounding angry, but that was just her way of speaking.

After another few times of passing ugly, old Gus, he waved me over. Another cocktail, this time a Cuba Libre please. Of course, of course. I brought it to him and he gave me money. He drank six cocktails, which he payed, plus ten bucks, which he gave me separately, closing my fingers over the bill and winking at me. I smiled or grinned - I hope it looked somewhat believable - and went back to the bar, bringing Mai the money.

"You can keep the tip," Mai said. "Your first one, right?"

"And hopefully the last one," I added. "Or no, no. The tip is good, but the guy... Gawd..."

"Yeah, what a shame, isn't it," Felicity, another waitress, said. "Now you know we girls feel all the time, honey." She patted my hand and went on working.

I frowned. I have never treated any girl like this, have I? I shook my head. I'm not into them anyways! But Bakura crept into my mind. Have I looked him up and down like that geezer looked me up and down? Eugh, guhh, I need to apologize!

I asked Dotty if she wanted part of the tip, since she served Gus the first two drinks, but she smiled and said no. "I've heard you don't earn any money actually, do you. No, keep it." I smiled back and thanked her. She's a cutie.

* * *

After work I crashed on Bakura's bed, immediately starting to moan and pressing my face into his pillow.

"Sounds like you had a nice work day," Bakura said, sitting at his desk, biting into an apple.

"Bakura."

"Mm."

"Bakura, do I annoy you?" I looked up to see his face.

He made a strong thinking expression: Lips shifted to one side, frowning hard, hand on his chin. "Mmmm, after evaluating every factoooor... I would say yes, clearly yes." He nodded, way too strongly, then took another bite out of his apple.

I chuckled shortly, then made a serious face again. "No, really." My eyes moved away. "Look, there was a guy today, a customer-"

"One of our highly intelligent rednecks," Bakura said, "highly educated, with strong moral values." He nodded, still having his fake-serious expression on his face.

I laughed some more. "Shut up and listen!"

"Kay," he smiled and shifted his position; leaned closer to me. "So what's with him?"

I sat up and put my feet on the floor. "He was old. He asked for me specifically to bring him a cocktail." Bakura's eyes widened. "He was grinning at me and," my gaze fell to the floor, "and couldn't keep his eyes off me." I gulped and locked eyes with Bakura. "It was disgusting. As if he was undressing me in his mind!" Bakura's cheek popped out, he couldn't hide his grin at all. But he kept the silence and nodded, urging me to continue. "Is it like that for you as well?" I finally asked.

His grin dropped, being replaced by a confused look. "What do you mean?"

"When I tease you. How do you feel when I," I shrugged, smiled and glanced away, "flirt with you?"

Bakura tilted his head, chewing on his apple, while he watched me, as if he was thinking about what I have said. I knew he had already an answer on his mind, but he just loooved to keep me waiting, to play with me. I didn't want to show him how annoying I found this, so I leaned back and crossed my arms, breathing calmly.

"There's one difference between you and that guy," he finally said.

"And that is?"

Bakura's eyes moved down my body, slowly and meticulous. He blinked shortly while moving his eyebrows up and nodding his head to the side. I grinned hard. _He's so cute_ , I thought. Then his eyes came back, meeting mine. "You're hot," he said. "And he wasn't, right? It doesn't matter if somebody is into you or not. You're hot, so flirting with you is a compliment." He uttered those words without a grin or fake face, so I believed him.

"Really?" I asked. "What if I flirt with a guy who's not gay?"

"Have you?" he asked back. I shook my head. "Well, I can only speak for the dick-oriented male folk," he continued, "and I say that none of them would be offended or disgusted if y'ould flirt with them."

So you aren't either, I thought. I grinned. "Thanks." We stared at each other. His compliment lingered on in my head, making me conscious about myself. I'm hot. Bakura said I'm hot! I bit my lip, unsure what to say. I felt like giving something back to him. He gave me something by telling me that I am hot, so it was my turn to say something similar as well, wasn't it? A great opportunity of flirting some more with Bakura was unfolding! I could have dropped some hints, it would have fitted! But nothing came to my mind. My heart was racing; it was all I could think of. "Thanks," I repeated, looking away.

Bakura finished his apple and we went to sleep without discussing anything much anymore.

He was right though. When Bakura eyes moved over my body, it was a nice feeling and super exciting, making me want to grin and kiss him. Veeery different from the feeling as Gus looked me over. I feel disgusted if I only thought about it! Yuck! But whatever, I don't care about him. I can safely flirt with Bakura and that's all that matters.

* * *

Thursday:

Bakura brought pizza after my work! This time: Pineapple and ham on it. Not bad.  
Bakura said he didn't like it as much and I asked why he bought it then. He shrugged, telling me he wanted to try them all out together with me. I started grinning and couldn't stop, which made him teasing me, calling me 'skew-face', which only made me grin more.

We went to bed and for the first time in a long time I felt happy. Truly happy. I was looking ahead to the evening every day when I woke up. It didn't matter if Katherine or Anzu eyed me all over just to start to laugh at me, or if Mahad made me cut a million onions only to grab the bucket without saying thanks. I could go through all of this, because I knew afterwards I could come upstairs into Bakura's room and sleep next to him. I could talk to him, even if it was just for a short while. Life was okay. It wasn't what I had hoped for, but it was okay.

We talked some more on this evening, I asked him why he bought the pizzas on Thursdays and learned that they are half-price on this day. I felt bad, promising Bakura I would pay him back to which he gave me a grunt as answer. Then I kept bothering him about school, asking him about his subjects. But he was reluctant to tell me.

Yeah, another thing that bother's me: Bakura never talks much about himself. I finally got him to talk to me at all aand I'm glad for that, but we're only talking about me. He's fairly interested most of the times and if he's not, he still nods annoyed and listens. But whenever I ask him about Zor _c_ or school or Kefia, he gets this look on his face. I cannot really describe it. It's as if he's not there anymore, but as if he's at another place. As if there's suddenly a wall between us, making it hard for him to hear what I say.

* * *

Friday:

At two, the cleaning crew came, bringing some good mood and hot salsa sounds. After work I am usually so tired and my feet hurt, but when those six men and women came in rushing in, I felt as if I just woke up. I tried to help, but I'm not much of a use. I wiped the bar counter though and listened to the music. Up came a song I had heard before and I could chime in and we all sang together. So stupid, but I start to feel more homely here.  
I was done with the counter and went a few steps into the main room, when I saw something glisten. Something under one of the cushioned couches. The ceiling lights are on during the weekly cleaning, so you can see every stain and every spill. I went down on one knee and picked up the quarter. Should I bring it to the bar and tell Mai tomorrow about it...?  
Donna, the black big cleaning lady passed me and told me to "keep it. You found'it." I nodded. Yeah.

I still felt bad. But it was just a quarter! I had much more money now! Gus, the disgusting guy from Wednesday, gave me ten dollars! That's so much! Okay, it's actually not, but for me, who had to get by a month without having any money at all, it is! What could I buy? Food? Clothes? I really don't know. Whatever I will buy, the money will be gone then. And I don't want it to be gone. I like the feeling of having ten dollars lying around.

Then I was finally back on my super cuddly mattress under the tons of covers next to my super cute Bakura.

"Bakura."

"Mm."

"What would you do, if you had ten dollars?"

"Hm? I thought you didn't got any money for your work here."

"I do not and it's all hypothetical! So what-"

"So you do not have ten dollars?"

"Ehhh... Weelll..."

"Ah!" Bakura sat up, grinning at me. "Gramps gave you ten dollars for stripping for him, yes?"

"What? No!" I sat up as well, but Bakura let himself fall down again.

"He came again?"

"No, he gave me the ten dollars last time-"

"...which implies that he already came once, ew, gross!"

"Bakura." He was laughing and I rolled my eyes. But then I grinned too and chuckled along. "And you tell me, _I_ am annoying."

"Just trying to have some fun here, moron."

"Okay, so let's say you have ten dollar, what-"

He sighed loudly. "I would do what I always do: Buy food for your miserable ass!" He looked at me, sounding serious.

Right. I owe him like a million dollars already. "Okay," I said, looking away. I was still disappointed though. You can buy so much for ten dollars, can't you. I didn't want to spend it on something stupid. I wanted to buy something that I really need and that would make me happy.

"Okay?" He shook his head in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Okay as in: I will buy some food," I said. "Like rice and potatoes - or no, not potatoes, I can't see them anymore - but soda and beer and I don't know, food, cause you're the one buying it and I owe it to you."

"Marik." I looked up. His voice sounded soft, but also annoyed. "Don't spend your money on food. I got that covered, okay?"

I smiled. "You sure?" He nodded. "Thanks." Aww, now wasn't this cute? He had it covered. We're a team and he's responsible for the food. And I... "But what should I spend the money for then?" I asked.

"I don't know. Whatever you need," he said.

"Mh."

* * *

Saturday (yesterday):

Tomorrow was the big Superbowl evening, therefore it was gonna be a very slow evening in the club. Mai told me beforehand, that I could go home earlier.

"Why don't we have TVs here showing the Superbowl?" I asked.

She shook her head. "Because we're a strip club. If we put TVs up here," she pointed upwards, "no one will watch the girls on stage. Why let them come then? Let's make this a restaurant and remove the stages." It did not sound as if she was explaining that for the first time.

"Okay, you're right," I muttered.

It's a nice feeling to say 'we'. 'We're a strip club!' I feel fully included here. I understand all the kitchen slang and I know every girl by real name and by stage name. And they all know me and most of them respect me, except for Katherine and the like, but I do not get involved any more.

After work I was looking forward to spend the night with Bakura, but when I knocked, he did not open. I climbed through the window, finding the room empty. He was out again. It was Saturday after all. Most people are out on Saturdays, aren't they? Except for me, cause I'm a loser.

I went to bed early. Normally, Bakura and I talk until it's at least half past two or three am. On Thursdays, we're even up til four am. I don't mind, even if I get an hour less sleep. Talking to him is my whole purpose in life. All the people I met before, people from school mostly, they never wanted to bond with me and I never really wanted to bond with them either. I tried sometimes, but only because I was lonely. But him, Bakura, I instantly wanted to talk to him, to be with him. It was-

It was love at first sight.

So there I lay, thinking of my absent crush and feeling utterly stupid.

I felt asleep at some point, only to be woken up by some sound. I checked my watch; five am. Someone was knocking at the window. Bakura?

I stood up, feeling both sleepy but also excited. Bakura? I pulled the curtains to the side and no, it wasn't Bakura, it was someone else. Brown hair, styled like Elvis Presley, his eyes unfocused. Drunk? I slid the window to the side. "Yeah?" I said, frowning hard.

He was frowning as well and took a step back, as far as the fire escape allowed him to. "Ueh? Am at the wrong house?" he slurred.

"Bakura is out, if you're looking for him," I said, my voice becoming deeper as the sentence went on. Was this one of Bakura's lovers? He looked disappointingly... normal. I had depicted Bakura's lovers to be just as handsome and cute as he is. But his guy here looked awfully straight.

His face lightened up at the sound of Bakura's name. "Oh!" he said, as if all his questions were answered now. He moved to the side, then turned, then grabbed the railing, then put the first foot down the first step. He did a simple movement in an long, complex way, proving further just how drunk he was. I watched him descending the stairs, hoping he wouldn't fall at some point.

He walked over the backyard. He only had a thin jacket on and grey jeans. He didn't even look like sixteen actually. No, that couldn't be one of Bakura's lovers, could he? He was probably just another class mate.

Right, Bakura is repeating the year, so he's one year older than the other guys in his classes. Joey and this guy here must be fifteen. Zorc tho must be sixteen as well, I assume. Bakura told once me he knows him for a long time, so they were surely in the same classes, before Bakura had to repeat the year.

* * *

Aaand today's Sunday. Superbowl day. Hooray. Or not. Who cares about stupid football!? Okay, I shouldn't say that too loud. I guess here in Kentucky everybody just loves football and beer and Trump. I don't belong here, I never felt as if I was a Kentuckian. Moaning about the weather is one thing, I bet everybody does it, but voting republican and cheering when some guys run over a grass field while sipping disgusting beer, making your beer belly bigger? Nah, I'll pass.

There's one good thing about stupid Superbowl tho: I'll have to work less today. Less guys will come. Everybody sits at their home or in bars with their eyes glued to the screen. Even half-naked girls cannot make them look away.

"It's kind of gay, isn't it," Bakura tells me, as I collect dirty clothes from his room. "Those rednecks watching twenty-two well-build men running into each other for three and a half hours, yelling at their favorite team, instead of watching girls shaking their parts."

"It's still boring," I reply. "It's not like those twenty-two men are naked or something. They just- fight for that weird shaped ball-"

"Okay, yeah, but..." Bakura takes a moment to think. "But you surely have some favorite actor or youtuber, someone you have a crush on."

"You mean, besides you?" I chuckle. I stand up from collecting some dirty socks from his floor. Three socks to be specific, which annoys me. There surely must be a forth one somewhere, but where.

He's lying on his bed. "Ha ha," he says, looking over his shoulder to me. "No, but with this person you have a crush on... it doesn't really matter what they do, you just love to watch them, right? It's kinda the same with those NFL players."

"Is it?" I take a step towards him. "I can't imagine the fans to be all that interested in the private life of the players. They love to watch them during the game and they have their favorites. But I don't think that they care whether or not their favorite player is married or how many kids he has."

Bakura looks at me for a second, then nods. "You're right, they probably don't. Still, why don't they watch women fight for the ball?"

I shrug. "Maybe because women are weaker? I have no idea. Is there a women's NFL team?"

"Mh." Bakura seems unsatisfied with my answer. Why's he so talkative anyways? Not that I complain.

I sigh as I walk through his room, looking for things to collect for washing. "Is this sweater okay?" I ask, sniffing it.

"Yeah, it's fine." He grabs it from me.

It does smell a bit, but oh well, it's his sweater. "Where's the forth sock though?"

"Forth sock?"

"There were only three on your floor. I doubt you only wear one at a time, so there must be forth one. Somewhere." I add the last word with a deeper voice.

"It will come around."

Ugh, sure. Somewhere, some-when in this mess you or I will find it, when it will already covered in dust and dirt. But okay, don't stress, Marik, it's all fine. I leave his room and bring the clothes to the kitchen, where the washing machine is. I fill it with Bakura's whites and leave the rest on the floor. The washing detergent is almost empty. I wonder if I should open up one of the powdery ones. I don't want to use them up, but I guess I have no choice.

I walk back into Bakura's room, half expecting him to throw me out, but he doesn't. He's in good mood today. I love it when he's in good mood.

"Hey, what about you and me meeting after your work and go out for dinner?" he asks, grinning.

I grin back. It's always a grin exchange with him, never a smile exchange. "Sure!" I tell him. "A pizza night on a Sunday? That's new."

He moves his head right and left. "Mmm, no, not a pizza night. It's not Thursday, so no pizza," he says, grinning more, showing me his teeth.

So cute. "Where do we go then?" I ask softly.

"Mmm, you'll see."

I can live with that. I can live very well with that! "So a surprise," I mutter, smiling to myself. A secret surprise to out first official date! Okay, not a date for him I guess, but a date for me. I assume we'll sit down at the place he's taking me to and we'll eat and talk and laugh. That's how dates go, right? So it's a date!

* * *

It's getting darker. I have hung up all of Bakura's and my clothes on the clotheshorse upstairs in my room, where they drip on the floor. I put a few towels under it. There's no better solution, cause there's no other space to hang the stuff.

Bakura tells me that I won't have to work today anyways, so why bother to go downstairs, but I tell him I have to. I'll check with Mai, see what she tells me and come upstairs as soon as I can. Bakura rolls his eyes. It's nice to see him impatient, see him actually wanting me to come upstairs.

It's almost six and I go to the bathroom to relieve myself, before work. As I tap on the lights switch, the bulb inside the room breaks. Great. I finish my business in the dark and go to work. I'll change the bulb later.

Bakura is right, there's really not much going on. I am still staying. None of the three girls who hate me are here tonight, in fact there are only six who came. Tokyo aka Nanako goes after one hour and five are left. A few customers come but they leave after half an hour. I check the girl's bathroom, clear the table, run an cigarette errand, then go to Mahad, then Mai. Everybody's bored and say that they're gonna go home soon.

And yet they're all still here. I check my watch constantly. I'm in the girl's room, where they all happily chat about something. Something about how Marijuana should be legalized in Kentucky. The cooks pass me, tell me and the girls goodbye, leaving through the exit. I go to the kitchen, finding Mahad smoking at the exit door. "Gonna go soon as well," he tells me. Ugh, why not now. Why not close the place, I wanna meet with Bakura!

I linger around in the girl's room. Now they are talking about politics. "Trump is such a asshole." - "He's just being honest!" - "Yeah, what you want that lame ass Bernie?" - "I'm not gonna let anyone take my gun right away!" - "Bernie is a fuckhole." - "Bernie is dreaming, he has no idea of politics." - "I don't like Hilary, she's fake." And so on. All talking together, not listening or waiting for the other to finish. I have no idea of politics, but then again I can't vote yet.

At nine, I hear footsteps coming from the stairs in the next room. It's Bakura, I recognize him immediately, just by his shoes. He's coming down cautiously, surely hearing the girls being loud. By the time he's down, I'm standing next to the stairs, arms crossed. "Hey."

"Hey."

"Coming to get me?" I grin.

"Yeah." He's not grinning back, but looks angry. "What's taking you so long?"

My grin drops and I shrug. "Gonna ask Mai, if I may leave, alright?"

He looks away. "Do that."

Mh, weird. Why is his mood worse now? I go to the bar, where Voula and the others are chatting, being bored as well. Mai sees me, and frowns. "You can go, Marik," she says, before I have the chance to even open my mouth. "Nobody's gonna come tonight."

I nod, smiling and wishing everybody good night. I hurry back to the stairs, where Bakura is standing awkwardly, leaning against the wall, turned away from the dressing room. "It's fine, I can go!" I tell Bakura, grinning some more. He moves, ready to go, but I pass him, and go inside the girl's room. It's weirdly quiet here. "Hey," I say slowly, going over to the table. They all look at me, then past me - behind me - then back at me again. "I'm going... I-I'm off for for tonight." Still those looks, everybody's grinning. "So... Bye, good night," I mutter, frowning. I grab my jacket.

"M-hm. Have fun," Chalia says, tilting her head, her purple hair moving. Her very fitting stage name is 'Purple Danger'.

I pout. The way she pronounces the word 'fun'... Yeah, this is about Bakura, isn't it? At what or who else would the girls stare at? Only Jeanne aka 'Melody Rainbow' looks away, but is still smiling. Why, what's so funny or interesting at Bakura coming down to get me? Is it that weird?

I turn around and walk back to my date, who is visibly annoyed. He grunts and points over me. Right, I'm stupid, we gotta leave through the back door, why go through the front. I'm just so used to meet Bakura upstairs and not go outside with him. So I turn around _again_ and go through the door, smiling at the girls. I put on my jacket while going through. It's so quiet, as if everybody's holding their breath! Gah, annoying! What's there to stare at? I feel uncomfortable and don't make eye contact.

* * *

Only when we leave the backyard, I finally lose the feeling of being watched.

"Ugh. What's wrong with them?" I ask Bakura, who suddenly looks less annoyed. Did he knew they would react like that?

"Mh, girls are stupid," he replies and I laugh.

"Right."

He grins, then looks at me. I grin back and for a moment we hold eye contact.

When you're gay, girls really are stupid. Straight boys run through this phase as well, but eventually, they grow out of it. I never grew out of it, or let's say, I stopped trying to like girls, stopped trying to understand why one guy after another fell for them. I started looking at boys and never looked back. Bakura understands that. Girls really are stupid.

"So, where are you taking me?" I ask. We walk briskly, going up into the direction of the park. There's snow on the pavement, and falling from the trees, and being carried along by the wind.

"Thought I show you the best place in town." He lifts his eyebrows up and widens his eyes, an exaggerating motion.

I laugh more. "So, we're going to 'the pizza place'?"

"Nope. It's not Thursday, is it?" More grinning, more eyebrow moving. God! I love this guy! He's so cute and hot! We're just talking about where we're going yet I'm lingering on every word that leaves his lips. Outside I'm freezing, my breath turns into vapor in the freezing air, and yet I'm hot inside. Can't stop looking into his eyes, can't stop grinning when I hear his voice.

My Bakura.

Soon his eyes break eye contact though, because someone is calling him. I can hear the vibration as he takes his phone out. He taps on the display and puts the mobile against his ear. He continues walking.  
"Yeah, what's up?" Pause. "Eh, just taking a walk." Pause. "Kinda." Bakura slows down. "Nah, maybe later." He slows down more. We're standing before a busy street. "Alright." He frowns. "Who? Duke? Mh." Pause. "Mhm." Pause. "Fine, gon' write." He hangs up.

He stares at me. "Zorc," he says. I nod.

Then I grin. I didn't ask, but he told me, that it was Zorc who called him.

"What?" he chuckles, frowning irritated.

I shake my head. "Nothing."

* * *

We walk past the park, which is beautifully quiet at this time. The street lamps are on, but their light is weak, just barely strong enough so you don't trip. I hear laughter somewhere deeper in the park. Right, lots of my class mates hung out in parks as well. Less in the winter, but in the summer every day. Not that I was ever with them.

This makes me sad for a minute. I ran away from home, but my life isn't as free and adventurous as I wanted it to be. I'm bound to a job for which I even aren't get payed for. Is this freedom? I still haven't been in the cinema, I still wasn't staying up all night just for the fun of it, I still haven't explored the city all that much. You need money to have fun.  
Maybe I should have stayed home.

But then I look at Bakura and know that this is where I want to be. Yeah, now I know what to do with my money. I want to visit places with Bakura, do stuff.

He stops again and takes his cigarette box and his lighter out. I sigh loudly. "Really?" I ask.

"What?" He turns his face to me, cig between lips. He lights it.

"I don't like it when you smoke."

"We're not inside. The smoke ain't coming to you." He continues walking and I follow, sighing more.

"I don't like it because it's bad for your health." Do I really need to explain this to him?

He stops his steps and chuckles, taking the cig out of his mouth. "Gee thanks, I didn't know yet." Then crosses the street. I pout and follow.

* * *

Not long, and we reach the destination. I notice how Bakura gets slower and slower, simply walking over the street instead of hurrying over it, despite cars coming right at him. We're near the 'rich boulevard', but those streets here look very different. Not rich at all. A lot of people are still outside, going in and out of the various bars on the road. Many seem drunk.

I check my watch under a street lamp. Almost half past nine. I'm not really hungry yet.

Bakura motions me to follow him, waiting for me at the entrance of a... bar? But we're underage. I hurry to him, looking up. 'The 31' it says in low neon lights.  
We step inside. It's loud and hot, crowded with people. Smelling of alcohol and something else. Bakura squeezes past backs and shoulders, tables and chairs. TVs blast from above and people try to talk to each other over it.  
Bakura turns his head and yells something over his shoulder but I don't understand it. I frown and shake my head. He stops and waits for me to catch up. A waitress, carrying a tablet with at least a dozen beer glasses on it, passes between us, I almost ran into her.

Bakura grabs me close. "If someone asks, we're eighteen," he yells into my ear. I widen my eyes, but nod. Why eighteen? The drinking age is twenty-one.

Bakura finds a table that is unoccupied. It's in a corner too, nice and cozy. I take a seat on the nicely cushioned chairs, sitting opposite of Bakura.

It's a bit quieter here. Bakura breathes out. "Uh, forgot that it's Sunday. And Superbowl. Don't those people have to work tomorrow?"

"Don't you have school tomorrow?" I chuckle.

"Pff." Bakura grabs the menu - a small plastic thing, sticky and smelly - and shoves it over the table to me. "Get what you want, I'm paying," he says.

I look up, but can't meet his eyes, as he's yawning. He's such a nice guy! Paying again for me. I'm gonna make this up and invite to something too. Yeah, let's go to the cinema! I still haven't seen 'Deadpool' yet. Though I heard it's rated R, so I can't see it either way.

I check the menu, holding it with my fingertips so as not to touch it too much. Small, black letters on a yellowish background. Soda, beer, wine- That's the beverage menu. I flip it. I already know that I'm getting water. Ahh, here's food. Typical stuff you would expect from a place like this. Chicken wings, potato corners, hot dogs- Kinda sounds like The White Snake, doesn't it. Burgers, pizza, steak, baked potato- Sounds so greasy, everything.

"What are you getting?" I ask Bakura.

He shrugs. "I'm not hungry. Just a soda."

"What? You're not eating?"

"Nah."

"Mhh, fine." I'm not really hungry either, it's too early yet.

After a while, a waitress notices us, already having that look in her eyes, knowing that we're never ever twenty-one. Bakura stays cool and orders an Ale Eight. A local soda from Kentucky. I do as he does and pretend not to notice her pursed lips and her furrowed brow and ask for fries and water. Her look changes somewhat, but she still remains suspicious. She nods slowly and goes to the next table. I guess as long as we don't order a bucket full of vodka, we can stay.

"Just fries?" Bakura tilts his head. "I bring you to the best restaurant in town and you get fries?"

" _That_ is the best restaurant in town?" I laugh. "It's just a bar! And we're not even allowed here!"

"Eh, but she didn't say a word." Bakura shrugs. "We didn't buy any bad evil alcoholic beverages, so it's fine."

"Mm." I study the card. "What else should I have bought?"

"Right, I should have brought you here for breakfast." Bakura snatches the menu out of my hand and flips it, flips it again, and gives it back. "Hm, wait, where- ah." He grabs another menu from the far side of the table and hands it to me. "Here, the breakfast menu."

It looks almost identical - black small letters on yellowish background - and it's just as sticky. But the words are different: Pancakes, waffles, scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, beans, cheese, sausages- "Yeah, it does sound yummy." I look up, grinning. I want to make a joke - something about Bakura buying me breakfast that implies we spend a night together, cause you know, _getting breakfast after sex_ \- but I don't know how to phrase it to make it sound funny, so I end up staring and grinning at him and he stares and grins back, but with a confused frown.

"What?"

I panic and say the first thing that comes to my mind. "Wanna go to the cinema with me?"

"Cinema? Huh, um." He blinks. "Well..."

"I'm paying," I add.

"With your ten bucks?" he chuckles.

I nod. "Why spending it for items. It's better to spend money for someone or for time with someone. And I wanna repay you."

He grins more. "All the food I'm getting you is a bit more than ten bucks."

I roll my eyes and groan. "Yeah, but it's all I got."

He studies me for a bit, his grin fading. "I'm not sure if cinema would be a good idea."

My grin drops as well. Huh? "Why not?" I ask.

He shrugs and grabs the menu from my hands, probably so he won't have to look at me any longer. I continue staring at him. I don't get it. What's so bad about cinema? What's so different from me inviting him to it from him inviting me to this here? Am I getting too close or what? I let out another groan and grab the other menu, frowning and pouting hard.

* * *

Our drinks come. The waitress puts them down. She's not frowning anymore. She hurries to deliver the other beverages on her tray.

Bakura takes a sip from his glass and so do I. Our eyes meet.

"Why are we eighteen?" I ask.

He gulps and puts his glass down. "I'm playing the long con," he says as if everything would be answered by that.

But I don't understand. "What's a long con?"

He sighs. "Saying that I'm twenty-one would be a bit exaggerated. So I pretend that I'm eighteen-"

"Which is also exaggerated," I interfere, grinning.

"Yeah, as if you look older than thirteen!" he snarls, raising his brows.

"Okay, okay!" I sigh. "So you're eighteen... And then what?"

"And in one year, I'll be nineteen. In the next twenty. And after that I'll be 'officially'," he lifts his hands and mimics quotation marks with his fingers, "twenty-one and-"

"Okay, but wouldn't you still have to prove it if you'd buy alcohol?" I put my arms on the table and lean closer to him.

He leans back and grabs his glass. "Who knows. I can get a fake ID by then. Or they'll just believe me." I frown. "Cause who would pretend for three years that they'll two years older, they don't expect that!"

I lean back as well, crossing my arms on my lap. "Yeah, it does sound a bit stupid."

He snorts at me, then puts his glass to his lips and drinks.

* * *

Our food comes. My fries aren't really hot anymore but it's fine. I guess the waitresses have a lot to do. The music got a bit quieter. Somewhere in a part of the pub which I can't see from here, someone's yelling. A fight? A few people look in the direction from where the sounds come. Bakura steals a fry from my plate and turns around behind the booth, trying to catch a glimpse of what's going on.

"You see something?" I ask.

"Nah." He turns back to me, finishing chewing the fry. He grabs another.

"Hey, I thought you weren't hungry!"

"Mh, I'm not." He puts it in his mouth and snatches another one.

I slap his hand. "Then stop stealing my food!"

He grins. "Just funny to see you getting angry," he says low.

I feel my face flush. Is he flirting with me? I could ask myself that constantly. Most of the times I can chalk it up to him just being... well, himself. Snarky Bakura, always having a remark ready on his lips. But sometimes, like now, it seems that it's more than that.  
He's chewing slowly; his fingertips on his lips; grin still present. His eyes are fixed on me, lids halfway closed. Head tilted slightly. That _is_ flirting, isn't it? My heart beats faster, my face feels hot, my eyes are unable to move away from his face. His cute, hot, sexy face! The way the hair falls around it, those dark eyes, that little crease] in the corner of his mouth-

I noticed that I stopped breathing and look down, taking a breath through my nose, trying to be inconspicuous.

He chuckles and grabs his glass, finishing his drink.

"What?" I ask, asking with audible breath, looking up. Is he laughing at me?

He shakes his head and put the glass down. "Nothing."

* * *

We have to wait a while before the waitress shows up again so we can pay. So _Bakura_ can pay, I mean. It's six dollars.

We dress up and leave the pub, that is still loud, still full with people. The TV is loud again. Everybody is just standing there, even though it's blatant that we wanna get through. It's as if nobody would consider that somebody wants to leave; that somebody _doesn't_ want to stay here until the next morning. Luckily Bakura is abrasively enough to just push people aside, otherwise we wouldn't ever left the this place. There are even more people lingering around and in the entrance, waiting for a seat to get cleared. We push through them, stepping outside.

Ah, such a relief! The air is so fresh! Cold and fresh. I zip up my jacket- _Bakura's_ jacket, feeling full with fries _Bakura_ payed for and soon will be in _Bakura's_ room, sleeping on _Bakura's_ mattress. Shit, I really owe him so much, don't I? I know this of course, but suddenly, I get overwhelmed by my feelings and just want to hug him, my knight, my white knight- Heh, literally a white knight with his wonderful hair and his pale skin...

But I don't. I tug him and he understands, walking slower now and I catch up to him. We cross the street and he still walks slower, sighing. "Ugh, stupid people."

"Is it better during the week?" I ask.

"Yeah, _much_ better! Almost empty, actually."

We walk for a while, not saying a word. It's colder now or maybe that's my impression because I spend an hour in this hot, crowded bar. My breath is visible in the air, even after ten minutes of walking. My fingers get stiff and I put them into the jacket's pockets. I like the scarf the newsstand guy gave me, but I wished I had a thicker one. The fries were a bit too much. I bet I'll get flatulence tonight. At least it's not snowing anymore, the wind is still cutting into my face, but without snow.

We pass the park, which is beautifully quiet. I'd love to go through it. In fact, we would save some time by going through it, instead of going around it. Bakura is a few steps ahead and I catch up to him. "Hey."

"Hm?"

"We could save time by going through the park."

"Mh." He moves his chin up, so that his mouth isn't covered by his coat's collar, when he speaks. "Let's better not."

"Why not?"

"There are weird people in it at that time." He walks faster.

"I don't hear anything."

"Trust me, will you?" he asks annoyed.

I pick up his pace and look at him, waiting for him to look back. Which he does, albeit still looking annoyed.

"I do trust you," I say. How could I not. You're my savior. Without I'd be hungry and cold, probably dead by now.

I want to say more, wanna express my feelings with words, want to say 'thank you' in some way that he understands how much I appreciate that he takes care of me, but I have no idea how. We walk back home in silence, going faster as we reach the busy streets in our neighborhood.  
It's almost eleven PM, so there's still a lot of business going on. There's a line in front of a street food stand, with people talking loudly. A few groups of guys laughing and drinking, a few groups of girls as well. Is the Superbowl over?

* * *

We walk over the backyard and reach the fire escape. Bakura goes up already, while I wonder if I should make a short stop and see what's going on in the club. I look up and Bakura looks down. He's moved to the railing. "What are you doing?" he yells.

"Just want to check inside, okay?" I yell back.

"You're stupid! It's your free evening!"

"Yeah, but maybe somebody needs me!"

He shakes his head and continues going upstairs. I watch him, but he doesn't look back. He climbs into his room and closes the window behind himself.

I open the exit door and get inside, finding the dressing room empty. One girl is in the bathroom, I hear a flush. I undress and collect the few napkins on the table, then hurry into the kitchen. The main room isn't as full as it uses to be, but there are a few full tables, a few lonesome guys as well. I get into the kitchen and find Mahad cooking something. Hot dogs and omelet.

"You're here?" he asks, turning the stove off.

I nod, then shake my head. "Ah, no, not really. Just wanted to check up on you guys."

"Gimme a moon," he says, cutting me off.

I hesitantly move and stoop, grabbing a big plate and giving it to Mahad. He pushes the spatula under the omelet, lifts it and throws it on the plate, then gives it to me. I put it on the pass, the place where the waitresses pick up the food and bring it to the customers, and yell: "omelet!"

I feels a bit weird to help in the kitchen. It's my free evening, as Bakura said. So I move backwards, ready to leave. I lift a hand. "Um, yeah, I'm going-"

"Is Dotty here tonight?" Mahad asks, turning around to me.

I open my mouth wide. "I don't know," I breath out. "I'm-"

"Can you go and check?" He sighs. "You can leave then again," he adds, his tone indicating that he's making fun out of me.

"Okay," I say, turn around and leave the kitchen. Goddammit, it feels bad to leave, but then again Mai told me I can go. Bakura was right, I'm stupid to go in.

I go through the main room, seeing Voula and Felicity, but no Dotty. I go to the bar, finding Mai busy. She has at least three waiting customers and a few more sitting around the bar. Danny is there, grabbing a tray with a cocktail and smiling at me. Danny is a shy girl, not saying much, but always helping.

I go back into the kitchen and tell Mahad that Dotty isn't there and he nods and grunts, then asks me to get him the potatoes from the storage room. I sigh and go inside. There's half a bucket of sliced potatoes in there, with a lot more un-sliced potatoes on the table. I hand Mahad the bucket and he frowns.

"Right," he mutters and shoos me into the storage room. "Make some more," he says. What. Argh, I just wanted to check for a bit, not have to slice more of those goddamn potatoes tonight! But I sit down, grunt, grab the knife and grunt some more. I peel and slice about ten potatoes and bring them to Mahad, then just leave, without saying a word.

I'll just check up on Mai, then I'll go.

* * *

Yet on the way to Mai, Chalia, the girl with the purple hair stops me. "Oh you're here, look, Sarah threw up in the bathroom, you hafta clean it up, okay? Thanks!" She turns around, grinning, because she's near a customer and I'm out of her mind again. Ughh. Okay! I'll go and see what's with Sarah and the bathroom, _then_ I'll go to Mai and _then_ I'll leave!

Sarah, the pale thin girl sits in the dressing room, looking half-dead. As usual. What is it with her, I think, it's what I constantly wonder about her. I go to her and she looks up. "You okay?" I ask. Come to think about it, I can't remember seeing her dancing on the stage very often. She's more walking around and doing lap dances for the customers.

She gives me a smile - a creepy one - and nods. "Yes," she says.

"Okay," I reply. I go to the bathrooms and she clears her throat.

"I'm sorry. That was me."

"It's fine," I sigh. But it's actually not. There's puke on the floor. A weird color, orangeish. And it smells. I go and grab the mop and clean it up, wring it out, then clean it again with new water, wring it out again, clean once more. So much ew. I have no gloves on my hands tonight. But it's okay, I did it, it's over. I wash my hands thoroughly and leave the bathroom.

Sarah is gone. I breathe out. Okay. Off to Mai.

"You're here?" Mai asks, using the exact same words as Mahad. She makes a cocktail and does not look at me, but is fully concentrated on pouring the right amount of pineapple juice into the glass. I sigh and she chuckles. "No, you're not," she answers before I can. "Why are you here?"

I shrug. "I don't know. Just wanted to check up on you. It got fuller, eh?" I take a quick look over the main room and smile back and Danny smiles at me, then leaves with another tray of beer.

"Yeah." Mai finished making the cocktail, which I now recognize as pina colada and looks at me. "You," her words slow down, "want to bring that to table forty maybe?"

I stare at her. That disgusting guy is back tonight?

"Alright, okay, no, you don't have to," she laughs.

"I can, if you need me to."

"No, Marik. Go. I gave you the evening, so just go."

"Okay."

"Don't come back to check up on us, when you have the evening, alright?" She smiles at me.

"My beer," one of the guys at the bar says. Mai grabs under the counter, opens the bottle and puts it in front of the man, all in one motion, while maintaining eye contact with me.

"Go," she repeats, pointing her chin at me.

I nod and smile back.

* * *

Mai is right. Bakura is right. Why did I go back. Mahad would just ask for one thing after the other, just as the rest of the people there.

I get up the stairs and open up the apartment of Bakura and Akefia. Where is Akefia tonight? Is he watching the Superbowl? I only now notice that Bakura didn't even considered watching it, only talked with me about how gay it actually is. It's nice to know that he doesn't care about it, like me.

I hear yelling as I open the door. Again? Three days pass at the most, before Akefia and Bakura fight again. I open the door loudly, to make my presence clear. I don't care how threatening Kefia is, I want to show him that I can't stand how he's threatening my Bakura.

"Fuck you!" Bakura yells.

The sound comes from the kitchen. I open the door to it and see Akefia with a raised hand, threatening his son. Bakura's face is cold, no expression to be seen, eyes fixed on his father's face. No backing down whatsoever, even as Kefia raises his hand further. "Go to your room, or I'll lose myself," he says low.

"Oh, that's _new_ ," Bakura replies, voice just as low.

I take a loud step towards them. Bakura's eyes glance at me for a very short second, then Akefia slaps him hard, making him almost trip backwards.

"Ah!" Bakura gasps, but finds a steady position again, eyes immediately focused forward. No fear or pain showing, despite the visible red marks on both of his cheeks. "That's all you got, old man?" His voice is loud and angry.

Akefia slaps him again. Same cheek, same sound. Bakura's head moves, eyes close for a second, then he's back, snorting.

"You're getting weaker," he gnarls, eyes staring.

Goddammit! I can't stand this! "Stop it!" I say loudly and move up to them.

Akefia breathes loudly and turns, not looking at me. I move out of the way as he passes me and leaves the kitchen. I watch until he's gone. The door to his room slams hard.

I breathe out. At least he left. Was it because of me? I hope so.

"Marik."

I turn to Bakura. "Why do you have to provoke him?" I yell at him.

He rolls his eyes and shakes his head. His cheeks are colored red, one more than the other. It doesn't look like it's gonna leave bruises though. He walks past me as well, heaving a deep sigh. He opens the fridge and stares into it for a two seconds, then grabs the six-pack in it.

Cue to Akefia opening his door again and storming back in. He's so fast, that I am stunned by it. "That's mine, you fucking child!" he growls and pushes Bakura's shoulder, making him take a step backwards.

Bakura moves forward to him and laughs. "You stole a beer from me as well, so shut the fuck up!"

"One beer, Bakura," Akefia says. "You can can have one from me then, but," his voice increases in volume, "not the whole fucking six pack! I just took one beer, why can't you let your father let have one fucking beer!" He grabs the six-pack from him, pushing him more.

I hurry towards them, going between them. "It's enough," I say low, raising my hands.

"Not _your_ problem!" Akefia spats at me.

"You're not my father!" Bakura shouts at the same time, lounging forward, but I go a step back and push him away.

"Shh!"

"Your not getting anything! You useless brat!" Akefia yells.

"I don't _want_ anything! You're never giving me anything, you asshole!" Bakura shouts back, his face growing red. "Fuck your fucking beer!"

"Because you don't deserve it! You're a useless, selfish dumb kid! Learn something for once! What am I paying school for when you don't even go there!"

"I'm not dumb! You're an asshole! I am learning! You don't care anyways!"

They are yelling back and forth. I spread my arms out and try to hold Bakura back, who's hesitant to go too close to Akefia anyways. But the bigger man comes closer and closer and I don't dare to touch him, so I just lift my hands before his chest without touching it. Then Bakura comes too close again and I step back and push him with my back.

"Just stop pretending that you'll finish school and move out and leave me the fuck alone!" Akefia shouts.

"I fucking will!" Bakura pants, his voice changing pitch. "I'm out here as soon as I can, you fucking asshole of a father! You fucking motherfucker, I'd kill you if I-"

Akefia punches him on the mouth, before I can stop it. His arm is over my shoulder. I grab it and push him back. "Stop it!" I yell, getting tears in my eyes. "Stop hitting him! Stop yelling! Goddammit!" I push him again and get a slap in return. It's not a strong one, but I feel the burn on my cheek. I don't dare to look at Akefia directly and just stand there, waiting for him to finally go away!

He moves slowly, his features hard and cold. He turns around and steps outside with the beer. A few more steps and he's in his room, door slammed hard, as always.

I turn around, sighing and sighing more. Bakura knees on the ground, head bowed, hand on his face. "Bakura," I gasp.

* * *

The side of my face hurts. I go down on my knees in front of Bakura and grab his arm. "Hey, show me your face," I whisper.

"Mhgh." He closes his eyes and let's his hand fall into his lap. "The motherfucker hit me hard," he mutters. Yes, he did. There's blood coming from Bakura's nose. Not much, but it's there. It's all red, the skin on his face, all around the nose and on his cheeks. He's frowning hard, cautiously opening his eyes, as I tap his nose. "Ouch, don't touch me."

"Sorry." I get up. "It's not broken, is it?" He shakes his head, looking down. "Come, get up." I grab his arm and pull. He doesn't move for a moment, then grabs my shoulder and stands up.

"Fucking son of a bitch," he mumbles. "I'm gonna kill him."

"Mm." I don't know what to say. Akefia is an asshole, that's right, but Bakura's approach is stupid as well. Yelling back won't make him stop hitting you. I bring Bakura to the bathroom, make him sit on the toilet seat. I go to switch on the light, but it doesn't work. Right, the bulb broke. I didn't replace it yet.

I switch the lights in the hall on and put the wedge under the bathroom door to keep it open. Bakura has slouched over again, hid face in his hands, his eyes between index and middle fingers, looking up to me. "Is the light broken?" he asks, sounding muffled.

I nod. My poor Bakura! I put my hand on his shoulder and rub it. My poor cute Bakura!

He sits up straight and shoves me away. "The fuck you're doing."

I take a step back and bite my lip. "Let me wash your face, okay." I grab the nearest towel and wet it.

"It's just a bit blood," he mutters, rubbing his nose.

"Don't touch it!" I say, closing the tap.

He looks at me, eyes cold and angry. The shadow of my body falls on him. He looks away, looks down at his fingers, where a bit of the blood sticks to his skin. "Let me blow it first."

"Mh, is that a good idea?" I wonder.

He shrugs and rips of a few toilet paper pieces, then blows his nose silently. He looks at the result: Bits of dried blood on the paper. I grab it from him and throw it in the bin. "That's enough. It's probably not good to blow your nose." I grab his head and make him look upwards at the ceiling. "Hold your head like this. Your nose isn't bleeding anymore, is it?"

"Mh, a bit."

"Hold it like that for a while, just to be sure."

I wet the towel some more, then go on my knees before him. He's not moving, facing the ceiling, frowning hard. His features are firm, like frozen. But there's something fragile underneath. And as I begin to rub the wet towel over his face, a tear drop falls from Bakura's eye. He closes his eyes and I don't comment on it.

My poor baby. I have wet two corners of the towel. One I use for his nose and with the other I wash the rest of his face, to comfort him. His cheeks have their normal color again, but I still stroke them gently but firmly. I don't want him to only remember the violent slaps of his father on them, but my soft caressing. I trace the towel over his cheeks and forehead and over the chin, tap his nose with the other corner, rubbing the blood off.

"Marik," he croaks after a while.

"Yes," I say softly.

"We can go to the cinema, if you like."

My movement stops for a moment and I smile. "I would like that very much."

He moves the corner of his mouth for a second, giving me a smile, then he looks up again. "What took you so long downstairs?"

I rub the towel over his eyebrow and he closes the eye underneath. "Ugh, stupid Mahad made me help him in the kitchen."

Bakura chuckles. "Well, what did you expect when you're going to him?"

"I don't know, a friendly conversation maybe?" I sigh.

Bakura laughs more. "You're still hoping for that, here?"

"You're right, I'm stupid," I sigh more and wash his other eyebrow.

He closes both eyes. I trace the towel around his face a bit more, but it's getting dry already. His nose looks alright again. There's a bit blood inside the nostrils yet, but it'll be fine. But dammit, I want to kiss him! Hug him, just _hold_ him close, rock him, ahh, just touch him, tell him that I'm there, that everything will be alright! "Bakura," I wail and bite my lip. Mh, what an embarrassing sound. I'm close to tears.

He opens his eyes, furrowing his brows in a somewhat painful expression. "What," he chuckles, sounding sad.

"Mmm." I get up and throw my arms around him and push my face into his shoulder. The fabric of his shirt smells of the detergent I use on his clothes. I sigh and shift my head, putting my cheek on his shoulder. This has to end. I don't want to see Akefia hitting him ever again. I rub his back in small circles and hold him firmly.

"Al-right..." Bakura says slowly near my ear, "that's enough."

I give him a strong squeeze, then let go of him. He let's out a moan, playing the annoyed again.

"Is it hurting? Your nose?" I ask.

He shakes his head and stares at me. For a while, nobody says a word. I can't interpret the look he gives me. He's annoyed, as always, and his eyes look fragile, but strong at the same time. He has something on his mind he won't tell about it. "Let's go to my room," he mutters.

I nod and get up. I wash the towel in the sink, rubbing the blood out of it. A bit remains, but it'll go away in the washing machine.

* * *

Bakura goes into his room and I go upstairs and collect a few clothes that have dried. When I return, Bakura sits at his laptop and eats cookies. He tosses me the box and I sit on his bed. It's as nothing happened, as if it's just another evening. Bakura got used to being hit now and then, but I haven't. My heart still breaks every time I see them fighting and tonight it broke into very fine pieces, so that I still don't feel whole again yet.

But he won't ever talk about it, so I have to pretend as well that all is fine too. "Not eating at the restaurant, but eating cookies now?" I tease. "You'll get fat."

He looks up from his writing, his expression serious. I tried to be funny, but now I regret saying what I said. "I'm not fat," he says.

"Right, okay," I mutter and move backwards on the bed until my back touches the wall. I fold the few shirts and the jeans I brought him and push them at the edge of the bed.

Bakura continues typing.

I get one cookie out of the box and eat it. The same cookies he always buys. Guess they are the cheapest. It crumbs on the bed and I shove the crumbs away. Mh. I wonder if Bakura ever vacuums his room. Never saw him do it. I wished I was allowed to do it. How many crumbs must lie around on the floor, how much dust. Ew.

What I said was stupid anyways. I'll get fatter from that pile of fries than he will from two cookies, that's for sure. I have lost so much muscle mass already, I should stop eating so unhealthy. Reblogging healthy stuff on my Tumblr feels so fake now. But I can't really afford to eat healthy here, can I?

Bakura continues typing and ignoring me. I lie down on his bed and eat another cookie. The image of Bakura kneeling down and holding his face plays before me, then the one tear rolling over his cheek. His closed eyes, the painful smile, the sad chuckle.

"What movie do you want to see?" I ask.

He shrugs. Has he even heard my question? I frown. Why's he so cold now? I sit up.

"Bakura."

"Mh."

"You okay?"

He stops typing and his eyes meet mine. "I don't want to talk about it, okay."

I know. "Okay," I say softly. "But you're fine, yes?"

"Yeah, I'm wonderful."

So much sarcasm. I sigh loudly. It's almost midnight and I'm bored. Normally, I would still have two hours of work. I stand up and put on my shoes.

"Where you're going?" he asks.

"Just getting my tablet."

"You're gonna sleep here tonight?"

I look up. Again, this eyes. So fragile, but also strong. I nod.

"Cool." He continues typing.

My poor baby. His nose is still reddish, not only with the blood in it, but also the skin is red and a bit swollen. His eyes so sad and serious. I breathe out hard. Fucking Akefia. How can you beat up your own son. I slide the window open and close it behind myself. Stupid fucking Akefia!  
I run upstairs, climb inside and grab the first thing I see - the cardboard box in which I keep my clothes - and throw it across the room. A bunch of socks and underpants fly out. But it's not enough, my blood is still boiling.

I grab the pillow on my bed and throw it as well. It hits the wall and falls on the floor. "Fuck!" I yell. I walk to the pillow and throw it again and again, hitting my fist against the wall by accident. "Fuck you!" I shout, not having anyone in my mind in particular. But it's Akefia I picture. And Bakura as well. Why doesn't he just go away when his father gets violent? My Dad never hit us, but when he got angry, I hid in my room. Simple as that. Just go away, can't be that hard!

I cry a bit. Without tears, just a bit weeping and wailing. I blow my nose, look in the mirror and go downstairs with my tablet.

* * *

Bakura finished typing. Chatting, he was chatting probably. With whom? He sits at his desk, playing with his lighter. When I climb into the room, he stands up. "Join me if you want, I'm going to the roof."

I grunt, but grab my jacket and follow him back outside.

He doesn't close his coat and doesn't talk. We climb over the small gate, then sit down against one of the lights. They work now, shining bright if you stand close to them. Bakura lights his first cigarette. I sit down next to him, our shoulders touching. He doesn't move away.

I notice, that he waited for me to come back so we'll go up to the roof together. And asked me whether I'll stay overnight. He wants my presence.

"What did you ask before?" He looks at me, breathing the smoke out of a corner of his mouth, so it doesn't hit my face.

"Before?" I look away. "Oh yeah, which movie you want to see."

"Ah. Hmm... Dunno, really." He looks straight ahead. "Whichever you want to see is fine, I guess."

"Hm, Deadpool maybe? But it's rated R, so we can't go."

"Mh. We can if someone else goes with us."

"Hm? Who?" I look at him. I instantly think of Akefia, even though I know that he would never ever go with us. What a stupid thought. But what other adults does Bakura know?

He shrugs. "We'll just ask someone if we can go together with them for five bucks."

"Some stranger?"

"Yeah." He nods, then grins. "Done it before."

"That's clever," I say, grinning back. He's so cute and smart.

We sit a bit in silence, while Bakura finishes his cigarette. It's not as cold anymore. The wind is still blowing strong though. I can't help but think of Akefia and his hand. The sound of the slaps, especially the sound of the last blow he gave Bakura. I study his face, not finding any marks on it. Just a bit of the dried blood in his nose.

Bakura flicks the stump away, then gets another cig out of his pocket. "Stop thinking about it," he murmurs. He tries to light the cigarette on, but the wind doesn't allow it. "Help me," he says.

"What?" How? How shall I help you? Shall I sneak to Akefia into his room in the night and strangle him? Fuck, I'd do it maybe. Or we can run away, yeah, let's run away.

"Put your hands around," he mutters, motions me to come closer. Oh. Help him with his cigarette he meant.

I lean closer and hold my palms around his mouth as he flicks the lighter on. The fire dances around but after a few seconds his cigarette begins to smell and he leans back and so do I.

"Thanks."

"Mm."

* * *

We go back inside after his second cigarette. He coughs a bit while going downstairs and I scold him for smoking. He gives me the middle finger and I roll my eyes. We climb inside.

I turn on the heater more. Bakura lies on his bed under the covers and turns on his laptop. "Let's watch a movie, hm?" he says.

I nod and grin. He looks away. Still sad, aren't you? Aw, why won't you let me hug you!

"What'ya waiting for, come here," he mumbles.

I get under the covers next to him. Our arms touch and he inches away. Mh. We have to wait until his laptop is ready. He just stares at the display, his eyes unfocused. I watch him for a few seconds, then look down. There are stains on his comforter. It's from food. Oil stains, chocolate stains and some other. I look back at him and catch him sighing inwardly. The kind of sigh you do when you don't want anybody to notice it: Inhaling air strongly, a split second of a pause, then a silent exhale, even though you want to let out a moan.

"Bakura."

"Mh."

I look away. "If you ever need something, you can ask me."

"What?" He turns his head to me.

I look at him. "If you ever need anything, doesn't matter what, just ask me, okay?" I give him a smile, but drop it quickly, because he snorts and glowers at me.

"Tsk." He shakes his head. "You're embarrassing."

I shrug. I can't find a better way to express my feelings. I sigh loudly. "I just-"

"Stop it," he says sharply, but I can't stop it!

"I just want to help you!" I burst out, feeling tears being near. "I can't stand it to see how he treats you! Why don't you move away when he reaches out for a slap, oh, I know it's not my place to talk, but I just wanna hold you and protect you, uhh, it's so unfair, why is he like this, and you're stupid as well for yelling at him-"

"What!"

I grab my head and bend forward. "Ughh, I'm sorry, it's just so - !" Here, the tears come and I wipe them away, hoping he hasn't seen them. "I just want the best for you!" I put my arms around him and press him against me, all the while my mouth continues talking: "You're so nice to me and I want to help you as well! You can ask for any favor, I'll do it, I'll do anything for you! I-"

"Marik."

"Mmmhhhh!" I squeeze him strongly. My face is somewhere in his hair, while his head is on my shoulder.

"Marik!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I mutter and slowly let go of him. My hands trace from his back over his shoulders to his arms.

He looks at me seriously. When I drop my hands, he grabs my arms, holding me away from him. "You need to stop doing this," he says, sounding half serious, half amused. He snorts and chuckles and let's go of me. "You really are embarrassing."

I bite my lip. "I just..."

"You're just too emotional," he sighs. He grabs his laptop closer and opens Firefox. "What movie shall we watch?" He types the address of a site and it loads.

I shrug. Too emotional? But I need to let my emotions flow, I can't be like you and keep them all inside of me. "I don't know."

"Okay, let me see what there is," he mumbles, while scrolling down.

* * *

He finds a movie called 'Orphan'. A horror flick apparently. I'm not that big of a fan of those, but whatever. I am much more relaxed now. Bakura is leaning back on his pillows and I do the same but it's a bit uncomfortable, so I keep changing positions. Bakura slides closer to the wall end of the bed, giving me more space, letting me use his pillows as well.

The movie is creepy, truly creepy. I'm not gonna spoil it for you, but just let me say that the ending is the best.

We don't talk much in between, other than commenting on the actions of the characters. I don't need to talk anymore about Akefia, my emotional burst out from before was enough. I don't understand why Bakura doesn't need to talk about it though. Doesn't he want to talk about it with _me_ or doesn't he want to talk about it _at all_ / But I can't ask him that, I have bugged him enough.  
Yeah, in the end, I haven't helped him at all, have I? Just washed his face. Not much helping. I told him I'll do anything, but apparently there isn't much I can actually do. Less talk, more action, but what action? How can I help you, my dear Bakura?

* * *

It's late after the movie. Two AM. I'm getting sleepy and lean on Bakura's shoulder. His breath stops for a moment, then he sighs. "You wanna sleep?" he asks, sounding angry. I sit up because of the brusque sound of his voice and my eyes meet his. "Then get out and sleep on the mattress," he adds.

"No, sorry. I'm good," I say. I could fall asleep now, but I'd rather spend some more awake time with him.

He breaths out through his nose, opens his mouth with a smack and looks away. "I'm sorry- I... I..." He closes his mouth again, pressing his lips together.

"It's okay, you don't have to-"

"Shut up, Marik!" he says, lifting his hands and spreading his fingers. "Give me a minute."

"Okay." I lean back. "Wanna watch another one?"

"Yeah. Find something and I'll go with it," he mutters. I scroll around, finding a lot of new releases, but I'm not in the mood for anything new. I click on a button named 'random'. The first few times it gives me shit stuff, but then it shows me 'Planet Of The Apes'. Yeah, cool, why not. It's the new movie, not the old one. I click on the play button and stop it immediately, letting it load.

"I'll goo to the bathroom," I say and climb out of the bed. Bakura nods, not looking at me.

* * *

When I come back, I promise myself for the third time this day to change the light bulb.

Bakura lies there unmoving on the bed. A kleenex next to him. He grunts upon seeing me and tosses the kleenex behind himself, but he misses the bin. I go and throw it away and notice how wet it is.

I climb back into the bed. Bakura shields his face from me with one hand, holding his forehead with his fingertips. "Since you're here, I can't even jack off in the night." You said that already.

I chuckle. " _You_ invited me to sleep here, remember?"

"Yeah, and I regret it."

I pout.

He removes the hand and looks at me. His eyes are red. I look back, dropping my pout. He smiles. "You're terribly annoying, do you know that." I frown. The words don't fit to the friendly smile he gives me. "But," he says, "that's kind of helping me. Other people..." He looks away. "Other people give up on me quickly. Not that I blame them. I'm rude, I know that. But I know nobody gives a shit, I'm just not pretending that I do, like other people. Anyways," he shakes his head and looks back at me, "you're never giving up, but annoy me constantly. That," he shrugs, "helps."

"How?" I pull the covers closer to me and lean back.

"I don't know." He shrugs again, looking ahead. "I can be angry at you, maybe that's that."

"I don't like it when you're angry at me," I mutter.

He looks back at me. "Okay, right. I try to be nicer, pussy." He grins.

I grin back at him.

We watch the apes movie, lying close together. As I move a bit and our arms touch, he doesn't move away. As half the movie passed, he slides down and puts his head on my shoulder. He has to change the position of the laptop - which is on my knees - to see the display better and after some pulling at the computer and tilting the screen, he lets his hand fall on my chest. I stop breathing. He pulls his hand back to himself and I exhale.

After ten minutes - in which I could hardly follow the dialogue between that one ape and that other - he removes his head again. Our arms are still close, but his breathing and his voice are further away now. Mmm, I wanna hold him close, so close. Stroke his cheek, ruffle his hair and so much more.

* * *

When the movie is over, he's not moving. He's breathing loudly, head touching my arm, long, white eyelashes pressed together. Gawd, so cute! I didn't notice him fallen asleep, he was just talking twenty minutes ago. I close Firefox and shut down the laptop with one arm, so I won't wake him up.

He moves though, when the screen turns black and looks up at me, eyes halfway closed. "Mm," he makes, then turns around, head under the covers, his butt touching my leg.

I put the laptop on the mattress next to me and turn around as well. "Good night," I mutter.

Some heavy breathing and sighing, as he turns back to me. "You're gonna stay up here?" He sounds annoyed.

Thought you liked it, when I annoy you. "Mh, kay, right," I say quickly and sit up. I look back at him and he lifts his leg, putting his foot on my back.

"Go to your bed." He pushes me lightly and I pout.

"Mmm, yeah, yeah."

"I can't believe you actually _want_ to share the bed with me."

Why not. I love you. "Mm, I don't."

"Mhm! Sure. That's why you always jerk up when I as much as I touch you."

"You touched me?"

"You even held your breath when I put my head on your shoulder. Aaand! Your heart beat was fucking fast!"

"That's why you put your hand on my chest?" I look back at him and he gives me back another soft push.

"Yep." He nods. "Now move, or I'll kick you." He lifts both feet.

I slide down on my cold mattress and put the covers over my head. Ughh, was my heart really going that fast? So embarrassing! I'm so friggin embarrassing. He notices all these things about me. Why's he so good at this? Or am I so obvious? I know he knows that I'm in love with him, but I don't want him to notice it or to _talk_ about it with me!

I hear him chuckle. Maybe that's why he likes me having around him. I make him laugh. I make him feel loved. Who wouldn't like it to have somebody who's in love with them? He said himself that I am hot, that when I'm flirting with him, it's a compliment. So he doesn't regard me as some repulsive freak, but actually likes it that I love him.

Makes sense, doesn't it? He never got any love from his father, so having me being so obvious in love with him, must make him feel good.

Still, why does he let Akefia hit him. Why doesn't he move away?


	15. Day 54: Valentine's Day

**Day 54**

33

 _2/14/2016 - Sunday - Valentine's Day_

33

Another week passed. Nothing exciting happened, apart from Sarah collapsing on the stage last night. A few girls got her down and put her in the dressing room and another girl took her place upstage. The audience cheered again; nobody expressed any concern about Sarah. As long as _some_ body is rubbing itself against the pole everything's fine, right?

I made Sarah drink a cup of water and didn't let her get up for ten minutes. She was too weak to protest against me anyways at first, but soon enough - too soon - she dressed up and went home. She never speaks a word to me and I hardly say anything to her. I feel bad for her though. She shares a name with my former girlfriend. She's not on my cigarette-buy list, neither do I ever have to clean up after her. She always puts her clothes on the hangers correctly. She never brings any food with her.

I wanna help her. But I don't know how.

Akefia and Bakura fought a few times during the week, but without slaps or hits. Just some yelling. And yet, I've noticed a new bruise on Bakura's wrist - that he quickly hid under his sleeve, but I know I saw it. I didn't comment on it but I know he knows I saw it.

He's going to school every day, as far as I can tell it. Sometimes he isn't home yet when I go to work, he's probably hanging out with Zorc and the others. Sometimes he isn't home when I come back from work and comes back in the early morning.

He got pizza on Thursday again, but wasn't very talkative. Plain cheese pizza, of which he ate less than half of it.

There wasn't much talking before falling asleep. Most of the times he just seemed to be annoyed by me. But I'm still staying and asking him stuff, trying to strike a conversation. I'm helping him by annoying him, he said so. So that's what I will do.

33

Today is Valentine's Day. Back home I would have gotten some kind of gift for Sarah, and she would have given me something as well. We would have exchanged them, then kissed, then went to class together holding hands. A bit more affection in public than usual, because of the special occasion. Sigh. I kind of miss her. Even tho the relationship was fake, it was something I could look forward too. I wasn't alone on Holidays, or when they paired up two students during field trips or needed us to make a group project. Sarah was there and she was fun.

On this Valentine's Day I'm gonna be alone. Just a bit chatting with Bakura, probably just getting yelled at. Sigh!  
I _could_ go and buy something for him. He knows I love him anyways, why not make him chuckle by giving him a box of chocolate. I bet all my ten dollars he'd laugh at me when I would do that.

But first work. Sigh!

I climb the fire escape down, passing Bakura's window. There's blue light coming between the slit of the curtains. That's the PlayStation. I didn't notice him coming back home. I knock at the window.

He pushes one curtain to the side and slides the window open. "Mm?" he makes, giving me a nod.

"See you later?" I ask.

He shrugs. "Guess." And then he leans back inside and closes the window and the curtain.

Wow, thanks very much. He didn't even give me the 'I', just 'guess'. No way he could have been more short-spoken. Will be a blast to talk to him tonight. If he'll be there.

33

I descent to the first floor and begin my work.

Sarah - not my ex gf but the stripper - isn't there tonight and the other girls talk about her: "I knew she was anorexic and that's fine but you really don't hunger yourself down so much!" - "She's like a skeletor!" - "My uncle was anorexic and almost died." - "She could have been a model with that figure, why she's here."

It's a pain to listen to them. I turn around from the hanger, where I was putting clothes in order and huff loudly. Two glance at me, the other's continue: "My uncle was a fat bummer so anorexia helped him, but then he never stopped even doe he was pas' the point of looking good!"

"Yeah, of course he didn't stop!" I say. The girl I talk to, Pralia, looks at me. "Anorexia is an illness, you don't just stop! Those people need help. You shouldn't romanticize it!"

She crosses her arms before her enormous breasts and glares at me. "You saying that I didn't help my uncle? That it is _ma_ fault?" Her accent is thick, stereotypical for a black girl. Her almost white, but her blond hair reminds me of Bakura's.

"No, I'm not!" I huff more. "I just want you to stop saying that it's good that he had it."

"No, it was not, because he's obviously dead, moron, but it was good at the beginning." She rolls her eyes.

"It's a psychic condition," says someone, entering the room. Chalia, the girl with the purple hair. "It has less to do with the body." I don't know what she's trying to say, but it sounds as if she's not as dumb as the others. Yeah I'm sorry, but saying that anorexia is good for something is dumb. Dumb and dangerous.

Chalia steps to Pralia, putting her hand on her shoulder. "You couldn't have done a thing, sweety. He was sick in the head and needed professional help. But you didn't know that."  
Pralia makes a pout and hugs Chalia, sobbing quietly. The girl with the purple hair pats her back. "There, there."

It's kind of weird to me. One second she was all hostile against me and now she's crying. I didn't even notice that she was that hurt by her uncle's death. The way she talked about it sounded as if she didn't mind _that_ much. I feel bad for not noticing it. I come closer to them and mutter: 'Sorry, I didn't meant to sound... mean."

Pralia doesn't give me a reaction and Chalia smiles at me.

Then I leave the room, checking up on Mahad.

33

On my break I go upstairs. I can't tell whether Bakura will be there tonight. The talk about anorexia still lingers on my mind. I really couldn't tell that Pralia was so upset by her uncle's death but by now, I doubt she actually was.  
There's something fake between girl's relationships. Not only those girls here but all girls. One will be upset about something and the others will hug her and tell her not to worry, it'll be all fine. Okay, sometimes you need to hear that. Sometimes you don't want to be confronted with reality, you need some safety and comfort, of course you do. But some girls flee into that comfort zone all the time.

Let's say you have a husband and that husband beats you from time to time. Eventually you open up and tell one of your friends. She'll comfort you and say it was surely the last time and he loves you deep deep down there. Yeah, great. And next time your nose bleeds you will tell yourself that he really truly loves you and that it'll be the last time. And next time you do it again. And again. For the next thirty years until you eventually wake up and run away.

That's what I love in my friendship with Bakura. He's brutally honest. He's telling me when I say something stupid or that I annoy him. He lies about positive things though, I must admit that. But he told me he likes me and that we're friends. So all in all, it's fine. Much more preferable than him fake-telling me that we're the best friends in the world. It means so much more when he actually stops being sarcastic and tells me he likes me.

Yet I would love to cuddle with him. Girls can just hug other girls without any reason, but as a guy you need to be gay and even then, I don't feel like Bakura is the cuddly type. I wouldn't be surprised if he's one of those who jump up and go after having slept with someone.

He put his head on my shoulder again though. I don't dare to even comment on that, I'm too afraid he might stop doing it.

33

I hear yelling as I'm in front of the apartment door. Not again! Goddammit guys, why can't you get along! Or at least don't talk to each other!

I swing the door open with force and slam it open loudly. There. They are standing in front of Bakura's room, his door slightly ajar. Bakura has crossed his arms in front of his chest, leaning a bit backwards, making a smug face. Akefia leans forward, his hands on his hips, thumbs in the belt loops.

"Just because they didn't caught you it doesn't mean you're not doing it," Kefia says sighing. Who's they? Caught doing what? My heart beats faster, I'm on alert, but so far it's all good. Kefia's voice is on low volume and his body language looks calm as well. "I can tell by the look on your fucking face, that you're doing it again!" he then suddenly shouts. "Don't you give me that look! I know you think your old father is stupid, but I'm not! I know everything you do!" His hands are out of the belt loops, raised high.

"Heh, pff!" Bakura looks away and chuckles huffily. "Sure you do!" His serious expression comes back as he fixes his eyes back on Akefia. "And you're not my father," he says quietly.

"Stop! Saying that!" Akefia shouts and lifts his hand.

I go in between them, with my back against Bakura and my eyes on Akefia. I lift my hands up to my chest, palms forward. "Don't," I say.

"That has nothing to do with you!" Akefia grabs me by my arm and shoves me to the side.

"Fuck off, Marik!" Bakura yells.

I don't hesitate and go in between them again, as Akefia takes a big step towards his son. Who doesn't bulge, just pushes his arms firmer to his body. "No!" I say and turn around, grabbing Bakura.

"What are you-" he begins.

"Bringing you away," I grunt, pushing the door to his room open. Pitch black inside. "Go!" I say louder, nudging him, but he's not moving.

"No." Bakura pushes me aside, but not as hard as his father. "Come on, old man, hit me," he sighs, looking up.

And Akefia does it, slapping Bakura hard, before I have even stepped back to them. He gives a grunt, disgust on his face.

"No!" I wail and push Akefia back, I don't care if I get slapped for that as well! "Come!" I grab Bakura by the shoulders and move him to his room, this time with force. He's not looking at me, but past me at Kefia, who I hear making another grunt.  
"Fuck off!" I yell at him and slam the door shut behind us. I let out a moan. Ugh, it's like trying to break up a dog fight! Yah, next time I'll pour cold water over them, maybe it'll help! Argh, no, what next time, I don't want there to be a next time ever again!

"Why do you have to interfere!" Bakura snaps, huffing loudly. I barely see him and tromp past him, opening the curtains wide, letting light come in. Bakura sits down on his bed. "You have nothing to do with it."

"So what?" I turn around at him. "Shall I just stand there and watch him beat the shit out of you?" I am yelling, but I try to calm down and take deep breaths. He doesn't answer, doesn't even look at me.

Eventually, he sighs. "Yeah, just pass us and go inside my room, if you hafta, but-" As if I could just pass him! And pretend that it doesn't affect me? He can't seriously expect me to do this, can he?!

"Are you stupid?" I move before him. "Why don't you want my help? Why don't you even move a fucking inch when he hits you? Wanna prove that you can stand it? For what reason? Doesn't it hurt?" He looks up; dark shadows under his eyes. "Okay, of course it hurts, sorry," I sigh. I rub my forehead and close my eyes. "But why don't you move away," I mutter.

He doesn't say anything and I sit down, next to him. Our legs are touching. There's no sound in the hall, so Akefia is surely in one of his rooms. I sigh. Bakura clearly didn't want to move away, but wanted to stay while Kefia was hitting him. Why?

"You're hungry?" Bakura asks quietly. "I made some rice."

"No!" I turn to him. "No, I don't want some rice now!"

"Calm down, Marik," he snorts. "Why are you making such a big deal out of this." He chuckles, a low noise, more air than sound. And he still hasn't looked at me.  
I grab his chin, forcing him to face me. His cheek is red. His eyes fidget around but finally meet mine. "What are you doing," he mutters.

"Why don't you move away when he hits you?" I ask.

He pulls my hand off of him and stands up, chuckling and huffing more. "You don't understand."

I want to jump up and grab him again. What is wrong with you, why do you do this to yourself! But I stay calm. We're making progress. By telling me that I wouldn't understand, he's at least admitting that I am right, that he _is_ trying to get hit by Akefia. "Then explain it to me," I say.

"I'm gonna..." He points upwards and shrugs. "Join me or not, I don't care," he mutters.

A smoke after Akefia hit you. Like a cigarette after sex? Don't tell me you're actually enjoying being beaten up. I nod and get up. Wait. "I don't brought my jacket with me," I mumble. It's on the chair downstairs in the girl's dressing room.

"Take my coat then," Bakura says, grabbing it from the chair and giving it to me.

I take it but shake my head. "And you?"

He shrugs. "I'm fine."

I feel like he's apologizing to me by that. Giving me his coat and making himself freeze for punishment. Apologizing for what though?

33

His coat is sure fashionable: long and black, but it's a bit too long for me, especially at the sleeves. Bakura has a hoodie on and jeans, but I doubt he doesn't feel the wind rustling through his hair and grabbing him through the fabric of his clothes. I take off my scarf and put it around him, which makes him almost fall of the stairs.

"Marik!"

"Woops sorry, didn't mean to startle you!"

We reach the doorway and jump over it. He pulls the ends of my scarf, making it tighter, then pulls it up over his nose. I follow him to the same spot we always sit. It's not as cold today, but still cold enough without any jacket. My ass freezes when it touches the floor. Bakura moves closer to me. I open my coat and put my arm around him, but he only grunts and pushes me away. "What are you-"

"Ugh, don't be such a pussy!" I say, mimicking his voice.

He looks up, only his eyes being visible between his long fringe and the green scarf. "I'm not."

"What are you afraid of then?" I whisper.

"It's not that I am afraid," he says. But he moves back closer to me, with my arm around him, and leans against me, his head near mine. "I don't want you to shit your pants out of luck, is all."

"I'm not-"

"Heh, don't tell me you're not ultra happy with me sitting so close."

"Okay, maybe I am." My heart is indeed beating faster, my cheeks get a bit hot, and so on and so forth. But I want him to be warm as well. The feeling that he's feeling sorry for whatever reason has wore off. He's smug again, teasing me. Is that the only way you can cope, Bakura? "But mainly I wanna keep you warm, that's the reason," I add.

"M-hm, sure." He fishes his cigarette box out of his trouser's pockets.

I turn my head to stare at him. "I care about you."

"You don't know me."

If there ever was a record of him making me angry in a row, he has definitely broken it. "Then give me a chance to get to know you!" I grunt. "Tell me why you let yourself getting hit." I'm here for over a month, no, two months almost, of course I do know you a bit by now!  
Even if it's more by carefully observing him than by him telling me about himself.

He lights his cig. Then drops his hands in his lap and sighs. "Okay."

33

He shifts a bit, and moves his hand far away, so I don't get any smoke in my face, only pulls it close to draw on the cig from time to time. "Okay," he sighs, glancing at me. "I doubt you'll understand, but let's try."

I just nod. Why wouldn't I understand. Buuuut better don't say too much now.

He sighs more. "Look, there are two kinds of people in this world: Those who beat, and those who get beat. Guess which one I am."

I frown in doubt. "The one who gets beaten...? But-"

"No 'but'. That's my place in life. Life's fucking me, that's just how it is. I'm not so delusional to think that anything will ever change. Better accept it as it is."

"Eh? But-"

"That doesn't mean that I enjoy getting beat up." He huffs. "Okay, maybe-" He breathes out, then pulls the cig close and takes a draw. "In some way, I do- okay, _enjoy_ is the wrong word. But," he shrugs, "it's the only way him and I have. So in some sense," he shakes his head, "I do need or ask for it."

"To punish yourself?" I ask slowly.

"Punish? Eh, I don't know. I can't explain it myself."

"Mm."

He looks at me. "I could walk away every time he raises his hand, yes. But that would also mean I never speak to him."

"I wouldn't want to speak to my- to him, if he'd hit me," I say, trying to avoid the word 'father'.

"Mh."

"And I thought you hate him anyways. Why do you-"

"As I said, I don't get it myself!"

"Okay." I close my eyes. "So basically, you're telling me that I wouldn't understand it, because you don't understand it yourself." I shoot a look at him and he grins.

"Pretty much," he chuckles and draws on his cigarette.

33

We sit there until he finishes his cig. Then he leans back against my arm and puts his face under my scarf. During talking I almost forgot how close we are, but now I am aware of it again. The weight of his body against my arm. He's warm and smells good - except for the bit of smoke smell - and I want to put my other arm around him as well. I want to squeeze him and pull him closer. Want to move my thumb and stroke him. Ghh, it takes all my willpower _not_ to move any limb.

"Let's go back inside, hm." Bakura moves, leaving my arm.

"M-hm," I say and get up. I wanted the moment to stay longer, but he's right. It's cold and he hasn't got even a coat on.

"See." He turns to me in a swirl. He puts his hands into the pockets of his jeans and tilts his head. "If you would care about me, you would hurry to get inside as fast as possible."

"What."

"Instead you would rather stay in the cold having me near."

"Um, having you near proves too that I care about you, doesn't it," I mumble.

He shakes his head. "Nope." I look up at him, frowning. "Anyways, come on." He passes me.

I follow him, thinking about what he just said. Of course I want him to be warm. But wanting to have him close shows that I love him too, doesn't it? Hmm. And anyways, why do I need to _prove_ it, isn't love unconditional? You don't prove it!

We climb inside, he coughs a bit, I frown at him and take the coat off. He gives me back my scarf and goes into the kitchen, cooking his rice warm. My break time is over, so I yell 'see you later' and leave the apartment, not waiting for him to answer. I stopped lingering around until he would acknowledge me just to say goodbye to him. It may be rude but so is he.

33

I don't talk to the girls much again this evening. Still feeling kinda bad just for saying anything. For having a different opinion then the rest. But that's how it always has been. Everybody using words like 'fag' or 'gay' as negative insults, while I believe in equality. Everybody wanting to keep half a dozen guns in their closet, while I am against them. I'm born in the wrong place or maybe the wrong time. It's tiring.

Pralia gets a lot of happy customers this evening. She's busy with either dancing on stage or walking through the main room. I guess she wants to keep her mind of things. She's by far the best uh, equipped from all the girls. Enormous breasts and a big butt.

After work I am tired. My feet hurt. They hurt bit and bit more every day. I do have to walk around quite a bit during work and slowly I am feeling it. But it's good for my leg muscles. Still better than sitting around all day.

Bakura is in his room, I hear music coming out of it and him singing to it. Heh, cute. Some rock songs I don't recognize. He stops to sing as I knock and opens the door.

I get inside, chuckling at him.

"What you're laughing at?" He sits at his desk, having books and notebooks spread all over it. Homework?

"You. Singing." I step over my mattress and take a seat on the bed, kicking my boots off. "Ahh!" Much better. I can feel my toes again.

"Pff, I wasn't. Singing," he says, as if it was physically impossible for him to do so.

"Mm-hm!" Denying things is your favorite hobby, right, Bakura? 'Denying' must be your second name. Come to think of it - what's his last name?

"Ugh." He doesn't turn to me but continues writing whatever he writes - homework? - while I watch him, wondering about his last name. And his hair. His hair is different from Pralia's. You can clearly see that hers is being bleached to death to get the almost white color. His is truly white. Pure; without color. With just a hint of grey maybe. And super thick, while Pralia's looks very thin, she probably lost half of it because of the bleaching.

"Bakura, what happens with your hair when you'll get old?" I ask.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Other people get first grey hair, then white. But yours is already white. So will it turn grey first and then white again some day?"

He turns around on his chair, chuckling. "No, dummy. Grey hair doesn't exist. What you perceive as grey hair is a mixture of white and dark hair, making it only look like grey. If you would pick a single hair, you would never find grey ones, only either white or dark colors."

I tilt my head. "So yours won't get grey?"

He shakes his head. "Nope, never."

I take a moment and just look at him, admiring his features. The angry eyes, always sitting on watch, registering everything; the cute nose; the tempting lips, pressed together most of the times. I can tell he's irritated by me, by my staring. "What's your last name, Bakura?" I ask quickly, before he can think of an insult.

"My last name?" His dark eyes wide in weak surprise. He chuckles. "You don't know your crush's last name?"

Don't refer to yourself as my 'crush', what the fuck. "Um, no..."

"Never had the idea of taking a peak on my mail or the mail box itself outside...?"

"Uh there was only some sort of gibberish written down, I don't-"

"That gibberish is my last name, dummy."

"Kulalana? That is _seriously_ your last name?!" I bring my upper and low teeth together and part my lips. That sounds like some fake last name you'd use for Facebook when you don't want them to have your real name.

He chuckles. " .Na," he says slowly, with emphasis on each syllable.

"Kul- Kulena," I repeat.

"No. ."

" ."

"Right. Now say it a bit faster: Kulelna."

"Kulelna," I say. Still, only hearing ' _kulelalala_ ' in my head. Better say it once more. "Kulelna. Right?"

He tilts his head and smiles. "Yeah, that's right."

33

He seems oddly calm after that conversation. Kulelna. As if me repeating his name has brought him peace. Kulelna. If we'd marry I'd be Marik Kulelna. Hmm. If I was the one who'd take his last name. Otherwise he'd be Bakura Ishtar. Yes, that sounds better: Bakura Ishtar. Bakura my-husband Ishtar. Heh. Kulelna. Doesn't sound bad either and it doesn't really matter, does it. As long as we marry lmao.

But not so fast. I'm thinking waaay ahead again. Sigh. We're still only just friends. Or already! Really, I wonder how long it took for uh, Zorc for example, to become friends with Bakura. I got friends with him after one month! Is that good? But then again we're not as close as I thought friends would be. Another thing girls have advantage of. It always feels special when you get friends with a girl. Suddenly, she'll tell you all her secrets and thoughts and you get to know her so good.  
I wanna know Bakura better.

"How long have you been friends with Zorc?"

"Marik." Another sigh from him caused by me. He turns around, pen in his hand. "I wanna finish this here, okay?"

"Okay, sorry."

He turns back and I lie there, bored. Hunger creeps up my stomach. I get up and go into the kitchen. Empty stove, empty pots, empty fridge. "You have something to eat? I'm starving!" I yell.

"No fancy salad bought with you?" he asks mockingly.

"No. Didn't you say you cooked rice? Where is it?"

"Ate it."

"Ahh, darn!"

In the end he gets up and opens the cupboard where he stores his goods. He gives me one of those packed soups to which you only need to ass hot water. I never ate them, since Dad said they were bad for your health. Besides, we always had enough self-cooked food home. Bakura goes back into his room. I stare at the bag.

"Bakura?"

"What?"

"How does this work?"

"Just pour hot water over it."

"While it's in the bag?"

"What- No! Put the powder in a cup and _then_ pour hot water over it!"

"Oh you're right, there are instructions on the other side, thanks!"

"Moron."

I pout. I clearly heard him call me that name, but don't comment on it. I just never had one of those, okay! How the heck would I know how it works. I turn on the kettle and wait for the water to boil.

In the past, I would get embarrassed when the other kids noticed that I was being different again. That I didn't know about frozen pizza or which popcorn in which cinema tasted the best. They would look at me, confused or amused and I would get embarrassed. I just wanted to belong.  
But nowadays, I got used to it. I don't know how packed soup works, so what. It means I had the luck to get a fresh, self-cooked food made by my beloved family every day.

33

He's in bed when I come back into his room. The books on his desk are still opened. His bag lies empty on the floor. I always prepared my school bag before going to sleep, out of fear that I would forget something the next morning. "Finished?" I ask, moving to my mattress.

"With what?" he asks absentmindedly, typing away on his mobile.

"Homework."

He shrugs.

I sit down and sip my soup. It's not that bad, just still hot. And greasy, so greasy. I try to hold back, but it's not easy, since I'm hungry. That one cup won't satisfy me anyways, but it's better than nothing. "Thanks for the soup," I say, taking another burning sip.

He frowns. "Stop thanking me."

"Why?"

He doesn't answer, but frowns. Has he heard me? Mh, come on, talk to me.

"Bakura."

"Just a sec."

Alright, sounds good. He's polite tonight. I sip my soup and watch him typing, mouthing words now and then. Who's he writing to? Zorc, Duke, Joey? Or to one of his lovers? How does this work, is he writing them up, asking 'wanna fuck tonight?' or is he more subtle, texting 'hey, I miss you'. I feel jealous at the thought of that. Is there somebody he likes and misses? He doesn't believe in relationships, he said. But can he shut off feelings just like that? What would happen if he fell in love with somebody?

"Oh. Kay," he says slow, throwing a last long look on the display, before putting his phone aside. "What's up?" He looks up at me. "Today is Sunday, right?"

I nod. Sunday, yes. And Valentine's Day. Heh, I forgot to get him chocolate.

"I'm going out in half an hour, but until then I'm all yours!" he sing-songs, grinning. He leans back and puts his arms under his head. "So, what were you asking?"

"Nothing." I shake my head. Does he know what today is? "Where are you going?"

"To a friend." He looks at me. A questioning look; he's wondering what I think they're doing.

I hold his gaze. "The same you always visit?"

He shrugs. "It's not always the same one."

He's still polite and friendly, so I continue my interrogation: "At three in the morning? Doesn't your friend have school tomorrow?" I take a sip.

Bakura chuckles. "He's out of school actually." I look up at him. "He's 23."

I look down and take another sip. _Twenty-three?!_ That's! -

"Yup, seven."

"What?" I squeak. I feel ashamed talking about this. Bakura is sleeping with a guy who's so much older than him? Isn't that illegal?

"Seven years older than me." He looks away.

"That's-" illegal. It's illegal to sleep with a sixteen year old boy. But is that what they are doing? I look at Bakura, imaging some older guy, ripped and all, kissing him, grinning, undressing him, touching him - Ugh. I'm jealous, for no good reason. Maybe they really are just friends.

"That's what?" He looks at me again.

I want to sigh. I get up and finish my soup, taking the last gulp standing with closed eyes. Twenty-three. Is that guy a pedo or what? I rush to the kitchen and clean the cup. The soup wasn't bad, I could taste that it wasn't a real one - a self-cooked one, I mean - but it was okay for what it was, and it was greasy, what I needed after this long day at work, stupid work, but now it's over and I can lay down to sleep on Bakura's mattress while Bakura is outside, going to his friend -

To sleep with him. Who am I kidding, of course he's visiting a sex friend! Jaden, Akefia, everybody told me Bakura is promiscuous.

33

We don't pick up that topic again. Bakura gets dressed and leaves, wishing me a good night. I nod and close the window after him. I can't pretend I'm not sad and he surely noticed that. But he didn't mock me for it, nor was he annoyed. I guess he was in a good mood tonight. Because he was about to visit his sex friend. Pff. Ugh.

I let myself fall on his bed, which smells of beer. Has he been drinking again? He drinks often, too often. And smokes too often. Does his sex friend approve of that? Oh, now I get it, he's doing it because his older friends are doing it too, that must be it. He wants to be cool, to be included, showing that it doesn't matter that he's underage, that he can smoke and drink too.

Are his other 'friends' older as well? Is that why I am not his 'type'? Cause I'm too young? Come to think about it, he's older than me anyways. I came here the day I had my sixteenth birthday and he was already sixteen. I doubt it was his birthday as well, so he must be at least a few days or half a year or more older than me.

I turn around on my back, staring at the ceiling. If Bakura is so promiscuous though, why doesn't he try to sleep with _me_? Is it really just because I am too young for his tastes? I am hot, he said it himself. Akefia warned him about not sleeping with me, but I doubt that's a reason he wouldn't do it.

Maybe I haven't been clear enough. Maybe he thinks I am shy or afraid. Okay, I can't say I wouldn't be a bit afraid, but I wouldn't say no if he would start making out with me. Hah, how I wish to kiss those lips!

Or do I. I can't stop thinking about how Bakura kisses some other guy, both moaning, both touching each other - I sigh. No, _I_ want to touch him, I want him to be all _mine_! But I think I wouldn't be able to kiss and touch him, knowing I am not the only one.

I turn on my stomach again and push my face in the pillow. Bakura must know that. He must know that I want a relationship with him, a true, monogamous relationship and not just sex. I move my head up. That _is_ what I want, right? I do want to be with him. I mean, I do want to kiss him and make him moan, and the thought of him just _grinning_ at somebody else makes me furious.

It's what I wanted since I first saw him. I just never thought about it like that.

33

I put on my pajamas, brush my teeth and hair and go to bed. It's so silent when Bakura isn't here. I miss him.  
Normally, I would jerk off at an opportunity like tonight. Bakura is right, since we sleep together in one room, we can't do it before falling asleep anymore. Everybody does it before going to sleep, right? But now, I do it while I'm in the shower, or when Bakura is away.

But tonight I can't. Thinking of him results in thinking of him _with_ some random guy, which does the opposite of making me hard. Fuck you, whoever you are! What's so great about you! Just because you're older!

A terrible realization hits me: If it's the age that makes those 'friends' of Bakura so appealing to him, then I can never win. I could get thinner or get more ripped, or bleach my hair, change my personality and whatever - but I cannot change the age difference between us. Never. He'll always be as old as I am and I'll always be as old as he is.

I turn on my stomach and sob into my pillow.

Happy Valentine's Day, Bakura, I hope you had a better one than me!


	16. Day 56: Bakura is ill

**Day 56**

* * *

 _2/16/2016 - Tuesday_

* * *

A dozen plates, all forks and all spoons and all but one knife are piled up in the sink, waiting to be cleaned. Except that I can't, because we're out of detergents.

I feel bad for not being able to wash up even though I only used one third of the dishes laying here. How the heck did the two Kulalala guys manage _before_ I got here?!

Kulalala. No. Kulelna. Bakura and Marik Kulelna. Ugh. It's never gonna happen.

I let hot water run over the plates and cutlery. Some plates are clean enough then and I stack them on the dish rack. Three usable plates at least for now.

It's 10 AM. I woke up too early and am tired. But the mess in the kitchen made me wide awake. Not that I could return to sleeping now anyways, Bakura is in a bad mood and locked the door after me, after I stepped out out.  
He's ill. Has been sneezing all over the place yesterday. Not the usual few sneezes he does when he comes into his room, but a lot of sneezes and coughs and sighs. He looks bad too: Reddish eyes and pale face. Okay, he's always pale. He's playing his car crash game for an hour now.

I wanted to make soup for him, but he wouldn't let me, saying he was able to heat up water himself. That's not what I meant, but he's right nonetheless. I can't make him a real soup, because I can't afford vegetables and broth - okay, actually I do! I still have the ten dollars and don't know what to do with them.

Should I make him a soup? Is 10$ enough to buy vegetables and broth? Can I even make a good soup? Will he even eat it? In the end he won't eat it and I am poor again. And even if he eats it, who knows if it really does help.

* * *

I eat a bit of the rice and vegetables left-overs from yesterday, then knock at Bakura's door.

"What," he groans.

"Have you eaten anything today?" I ask.

"I'm sick."

"So...?"

"Can't eat."

"Open the door please."

"No. Fuck off."

Ughh. Okay, fine. Maybe later. I open the kitchen's window, because I need some fresh air. I still feel a bit dizzy from waking up so early.

There's the mailman, dressed blue and white, pulling his mail cart thingy. He stops at our door and pushes some letters into the various mail slots. Hah, no, wait. Just into ours actually, cause the other apartments are empty and thus don't receive mail. Didn't Mahad wanted to move in here, tho? Whatever. I now have an idea how to get on Bakura's nerves.

* * *

I put on shoes and go downstairs. I have no idea where the key to the mailbox is, but I could try and fish out some letters, maybe one is for Bakura, and then tease him to open it if he doesn't open his door.

But my plan fails. I manage to slip my fingers inside, but the mail box is long and I can't get to the bottom. I merely graze the letters with my fingertips but don't get enough grip to pull one out. Dammit.

Okay, plan b) Find the keys to the mail box. Back home, we have a set of key hooks mounted at the wall next to the front door. We don't have keys for a mail box, because our mail slot brings them directly onto the carpet in front of the front door, but if we'd have them, they would hang on those hooks.

Enough trivia. Now where could the Kulelna household put their mail keys? I go back upstairs. Chances are, Kefia has it and it is just the one key. But how would Bakura get _his_ mail then? If he gets mail. It's the 21st century, we all use iPhones and apps now, but you still get some physical mail now and then, don't you?

Maybe it's the early hour, or maybe it's something else, but I've got another idea: Just pretend to have his mail! Why didn't I come up with this sooner.

So I knock again at Bakura's door.

"What."

"Have your mail."

A pause. "What mail?" His voice is scratchy.

"From downstairs. The mailman just came."

"I have no idea what the fuck you're talking 'bout."

"It's... from your school, I guess."

"What!" Some rustling. Movement. He stood up. Heh, nicely done, Marik. His school sending him some mail about unattended hours could be something that happens on a regular basis.

But then he's silent again. "Bakura?"

"Just! One! Sec!" Uh-oh, he's really having a bad day today. I go one step back as he unlocks and opens the door.

"Give it to me." His eyes are small and red. He lifts one hand and shows me his palm, fingers closing over it in an impatient motion.

I grin and push the door wider to get inside. He doesn't even protest. "Marik," he sighs as I rush past him. It's dark as usual in here, so I step to the window and open the curtains. "Marik! Where's the mail?" The louder he speaks, the scratchier his voice sounds.

I turn around. Eyes still small and red. He looks so tired. "Sorry."

"Fuckin' knew it." He shields his eyes from the incoming sun rays. "You're such a stupid cunt." He coughs a few times.

Cunt? That's a new insult. "Why?" I go to his desk and collect the used tissues and other trash.

"You're just gonna get sick as well if you spend time with me."

"Nah, I won't," I say.

"How do you know?"

"I rarely get ill."

He doesn't comment on that but stares at me, I can feel it. When I turn around, he's still standing in the same spot, looking at me. "Why won't you really go and get the mail?"

I pass him to throw the trash into his trashcan, but it is already full. I frown and go quickly to the kitchen, while maintaining the conversation, hoping he won't close the door behind me to hear what I am saying. "I tried to, but I have no idea where the mail keys are," I go to the kitchen trash in quick steps, "so I went downstairs to get them out through the slit, you know?" I open the can and throw everything inside, "Buuut that failed, because they were in too deep," I go back to him, "I couldn't reach them, so I thought pretending you got mail is just as good."

He looks at me without blinking. "No," he says slowly. "Why won't you go _now_ and get the mail?" He holds up his keys.

I chuckle. "You would just lock the door after me."

"I won't," he says silently and shakes his head.

I am unsure whether or not to believe him. He grabs my hand and puts the keys in it, then sits down in front of the TV and grabs the PlayStation's controller. I look at him for a few seconds, then turn around go downstairs.

* * *

There are no pendants on Bakura's key ring. Nothing, just six naked keys. I feel kinda proud to have his key ring in my hands. One key is for the door to the apartment, the other for the door downstairs. That little one here is for the mail box. But then there are three more, all small. I don't know what they are for. Ah, one could be for his locker in school.

I open the mail box. Guess what, Bakura really got mail from school: _Bakura Kulelna; Middleton High-school_ But it's not a small letter, but a big envelope and it's thick.  
There's more, but it's all for Akefia. Doesn't the man check his mail? I wonder if I should leave it inside. He could get mad if I got it out. Yup, I leave it inside.

I rush upstairs with the one envelope for Bakura, squeezing it. There are a few flat items inside from the feel of it.

He really left the door open. He looks up when I come in and gets up as he sees the envelope. "Ah," he makes, sounding relieved. Yeah, it doesn't look like some warning letter, but like -

"Thanks," he mumbles with a cough, grabbing the envelope out of my hands.

"What is it?" I sneak closer to him, but he turns away and sits down on his bed. I follow and sit next to him.

He starts ripping it open from the side but stops to stare at me. "Go away."

I pout. "No, I wanna see what's inside!" The only time school sends you such a big mail is when you go to some vacation or school trip and need to fill out lots of forms. Or when you receive the pictures from picture day. Whatever it is, I want to know!

He turns his shoulder to me, trying to shield me away, but it's a stupid idea, cause now I can see even better what he's about to grab out. Yup, it's a picture. A lot of pictures. He stands up, facing me. Now I don't see them anymore.

I get up too and stand on my toes and he moves backwards, his eyes glued to the pictures. I move along but don't catch much. A class picture, thirty or more students standing close. But I don't even have time to find Bakura - which should be super easy with his flashy hair - because Bakura pulls the picture to himself and glares at me.

"Will you stop!" he says.

"Aw come on, show me your awkward high-school pictures!" I smile.

He looks away, playing the annoyed. "No."

"Why not?"

He looks back at me. Then he blinks and snuffles, eyes becoming unfocused. He turns away and sneezes, holding the pictures away. He sneezes again and again.

I jump up and grab the pictures out of his hand. Thirty faces on that one, looking annoyed. Three rows. Bakura is in the middle row on the left side, no one's behind him, I guess his hair makes that somewhat impossible. Zorc is next to him, smiling. Before I can look at the next one, Bakura grabs them out of my hand again.

"Marik!"

"What! You look cute!" I say, before realizing what I said.

He looks irritated, chuckling. "Stop being so..." he starts, but never finishes his sentence.

"What?"

"I don't know, stop crushing on me! It's embarrassing and annoying!"

"I can't help it!" I feel my cheeks reddening.

He snorts and moves to the bed, grabbing a tissue that's laying there. He blows his nose, having the pictures squeezed between his elbow and body, looking at me, keeping distance. I stick my tongue out, then sit down at his desk. What's so bad about showing me his pictures? I would show him mine. Okay, not all of them. Some old ones really look embarrassing. But the last ones we took in class -

Then I realize that our school would make new pictures about this time of the year as well. I missed it. They made some without me. Sarah probably standing near Micah this time. No cute couple pics with me and her this time. Maybe some cute couple pics with Micah and her? Ugh, how I hate this guy.

* * *

Bakura takes his time with looking at the pictures. He grins while looking at some of them. I wonder with whom he is on those. I am kind of mad that he won't show me those. I thought we were friends!

I got stuff to do anyways, so I tell him bye and get moving. He looks up surprised, but doesn't reply.

Yeah, weird right? Me leaving his room voluntary. But the other option would be to stay in his room and stay annoyed, which is stressful. I don't want to feel like this when I'm around him. I want to be cheerful and make him cheerful. Besides, he's not feeling well, so yeah, I just leave him alone. Maybe he'll even miss me.

And I need to work on my body. I do some push ups and leg raises, sit ups and home squats. Then I get the two detergent boxes and use them as weights for my arms.

Afterwards I shower. Then rub my body and hair dry. It got longer. Could I use my ten dollar to get it cut? Nah, waste of money.

I open the window. I hear Bakura cough. And cough again. And some more. I hold my breath. "Fuckdammit!" he yells afterwards. Scratchy voice, pitch high. No, I can't waste my money on my hair! Suddenly I know what to do with it. I'm gonna go and buy him medicine.

I wait until my hair has dried, then dress and go downstairs. I am fairly sure I saw a drugstore nearby, but where. Let's just start at the main train station. There's gotta be some shop that sells medicine somewhere.

* * *

Near the train station, next to the liquor store, I find my drug store. I go to the counter, asking the clerk for something against a cold, particular coughing. He recommends me a few things, some are over ten dollar. I chose the cough syrup, remembering that it helped when Ishizu had a bad cough. A big bottle for $9.20. There go my ten dollar.

The clerk puts the bottle in a paper bag. It's heavy. I carry it back home in my arms like a baby.

When I open up the door to the apartment, I hear the shower running. Akefia is up. Bakura's door is closed. I knock at it and he opens up.

"Knew you wouldn't make it too long without me," he snarls, closing the door behind me. Yeah, yeah. I know you missed me.

The curtains are blocking the light again. I sigh and put the paper bag on the desk, then move the curtains.

"You were out?" he asks, sounding curious.

Alright, you can say that I am clingy and curious and whatnot towards Bakura, but it's not like he isn't too indifferent about me either. Or is he? He opens his door most of the times - except when he's not because he's mad for some reason - asks me questions and clearly _wants_ to spend time with me as well. Or am I just imagining things?

"It's for you," I say, getting the bottle out.

He frowns. "What is it?" He steps to me, tissue under his nose. "Cough syrup?" He grabs it from me, turning it around to read what's written on it. "One third of a gallon?! Who the fuck would gulp down so much without spitting it out?"

"Well, I suppose you don't gulp it all at once," I say slowly, getting the bottle back. "Here," I put my finger on the instructions. "Three tablespoons in the morning and three in the evening."

He stares at me. "You spent your money for that? How much was it?"

I shrug and look up. "Nine something."

"You could have gotten a smaller bottle. Or none bottle at all!" He sighs. "I'm not drinking this shit!"

"What, why not! It'll help you!" I put the bottle down on his table.

"I never asked for it, Marik!" He shows me his teeth, eyes glaring. Right, again with that.

"I just want to help you," I say, despite knowing what he'll say next.

"I don't want your help!"

* * *

I won a ticket to exile again. He pushes me by my shoulder until I am out of his room. I'm not even trying to stay. I'm stronger than he is, but making him angrier by staying is the wrong decision. He'll calm down eventually. He always gets mad first when I do something for him, but in the end he turns his mind around and is thankful. Always the same recipe. Just wait, Marik.

I go upstairs, browse Tumblr, play Candy Crush and chat with Ishizu. Eventually, it's time for work.

* * *

I'm not bothering to tell you the details of this boring workday. It's just an ordinary evening. Katherine, Anzu and Christine being mad at me for no reason, Sarah being pale and silent, customers being gross, music being loud, Mahad being demanding, Mai being friendly.

Okay, we get the shipments today, but it's just like last time; me putting stuff away, throwing old stuff out, clearing the cellar a bit.

I ask Mai if I can have a bottle of detergent for the dishes upstairs and she laughs and says sure. I feel stupid for asking, but just taking stuff is wrong too, so I'm glad I asked.

I go upstairs, having my break. Might as well clean the dishes now. Ugh. Sigh. If I don't do them now, I'll have to do them tomorrow. Alright, let's go.

Bakura must have heard me, because he opens the door as soon as I start washing up. He stares at me from his room and I glance back. "Hey!" I say.

He comes over, still looking annoyed or mad or whatever, but he comes into the kitchen and leans against one counter, leaving a good amount of space between us. "You don't get sick ever?" he asks. Right, I told him that today morning.

I shrug, glancing at him, then looking back at the cutlery in my hands. "Maybe once every three years or so."

"How come?" Curious, aren't you? I need to remember this, next time you tell me I'm too curious again.

"I don't know. Maybe it's because I used to sneak outside at night, when it's cold. Gave me a good immune system I guess?"

"Mh." I don't look directly at him, but I can tell he's shifting his position and looks the other way, not facing me. "So you will sleep in my room tonight?"

I look at him. "Do you want me to?"

He glares at me. "No! That's my point, you shouldn't, cause you'll get sick!"

"But -"

"Doesn't matter how special your immune system is, you'll get sick sooner or later spending so much time with me!" He snorts air out of his nose. "Think about yourself for once, goddammit!"

I smile. Maybe it's that that makes him so mad. I'm thinking about him, when nobody else does. It's unusual for him, thus making him mad, because he cannot admit to himself that he likes it. He wants me to think about myself not him, just like everybody else, so he won't have to cope with that new emotion.

"What are you smiling about." He throws me a suspicious look, crossing his arms before his chest.

I look down again, washing the last plate. "I would like to sleep in your room. Why do you mind if I get sick anyways?"

"By the time I'll be well again, you'll be sick and reinfect me again! And the circle starts anew," he sighs.

"I won't get sick, I promise," I say, standing upright again, putting the plate on the dish rack. I dry my hands with a towel.

He turns away. "I highly doubt that."

I tilt my head. "Let's make a bet. If I get sick, I'll spend every night upstairs until I am well again." He looks at me. "How does that sound?"

He shrugs and grins. "Okay, sounds good." He grins some more. "Come here, let me cough on you," he chuckles, motioning me to come closer. Aw, he's in a good mood again. I grin back but shake my head. "Ah come on!"

I pass him and he tries to get closer. "Stop it," I grin, as he tries to get into my face. He mimics the inhale before a sneeze, threatening to sneeze into my face and I shield myself from him. "Bakura!"

"Ah, so suddenly it's too much Bakura for you, eh?" he laughs.

I run into his room and he follows quickly. "Don't!"

"Aw, come on!" We're in front of his bed, and he grabs my arms, blowing air into my face.

"Bakura!"

"Haha, so much for liking me!"

"What!"

"If you like me, you have to like my exhale as well!"

"Not if it smells like chips and beer!"

We fight a bit, not seriously though. I'm not using much of my strength anyway, letting him grab and push himself close to me. My heart is racing, my breath going fast. He's close, holding my wrists with his warm hands, trying to blow in my face once more, while I pretend trying to get out of his grip and squirm away so his exhale doesn't reach me.

"What, you love me, so you love that too!"

"No, I don't!" I grin. I bend and pull, using more force now. His breath really doesn't smell good, but whose would. If you're sick, you're always a bit disgusting. "Let me go!" I yell, laughing.

He laughs as well. His eyes meet mine and my heart skips a beat.

I pull some more, suddenly I can't stand being so close to him. My legs hit the edge of the bed and I lose my balance. Luckily there's the bed, so the fall won't hurt, but there's also Bakura, still holding my wrists in a strong grip. I hit the bed and he's getting pulled along, falling partly on me, partly next to me. One of his legs is between mine, and his grip around my hands is stronger than before.

I'm on my back, he fell on his face. He let's my hands go and stands up, meeting my eyes. We both look away, he angrily, me ashamed.

He starts coughing and grabs a tissue from his desk, coughing into it, his back turned to me. I sit up and start breathing again. I want him back close to me. What was it that threw me off? I love to be close to him, I love him teasing me. So why did it feel so bad?

* * *

We don't discuss what just happened. I mean, it's not like something happened anyways. I go back to work and Bakura goes back to blowing his nose.

I help out Mahad in the kitchen, washing dishes, bringing him stuff, cutting onions and so on. It gives me lots of time to think about my reaction.  
Now I don't have a problem with Bakura teasing me about my crush on him. He's the only person I can be open with. It is a bit embarrassing, but it is fine. Much better than him and me pretending that we don't notice the obvious.

But what was that, me, feeling like this, when he came close, being all playful and cute? I love it when he's like that! So why did it feel so wrong?

It's because he's got other guys. Not that I am one of his guys - but he's probably doing such stuff with his 'type' of guys and so much more. If he's so cute and playful with me, what is he doing then with the guys he's actually sleeping with? I can't really picture him cuddling and spooning after sex, but who knows, maybe it's just me with whom he's so aggressive. Maybe he's all tender and smiling with those older guys. He's sharing pizza and clothes with me, even though he clearly despises me. Or does he? Ahh, it's so confusing! He told me we're friends after all. Ughh, I still don't know what to think.

I just know that it hurts when he's suddenly nice to me. I can't stand it. I don't want him to be nice if he's meeting other guys. I want him to be mine.

* * *

After work, I go upstairs, finding Bakura eating the rest of the rice with vegetables in the kitchen. I sit next to him.

"Hungry?" he asks, shoving his plate towards me, offering me his food.

I smile. No, he doesn't despite me. He cares about me. Maybe that's what's makes me unattractive for him. He's older than me, so _he_ cares for _me_. While his older guys care for _him_. Maybe that's what he wants. But wait, that's what I do! I bought him this syrup, so I care for him. Which makes him angry. So... that's a good sign?

"Don't forget to take your medicine," I say, shoving the plate back to him.

He gives me an arched brow. "Don't blame me if I puke it out again."

I pout. "I spend all my money on it, so you better take it."

He rolls his eyes, then continues eating with his chopsticks. I rarely see him using a fork. "Mhh, bring it here then. Better to take it between bites, right?"

I smile and get up. He'll take it! Sending him on a guilt trip works after all. Mission accomplished! I rush to get the bottle and open it. Hmm, doesn't smell all that bad. "Don't people get high on cough syrup?" I ask, stepping back into the kitchen. "The text on the bottle says three spoonfuls every evening and every morning."

"Eh, not on _every_ syrup. You'd need those special ones you can only get with a doc's prescription and even then you'd have to drink a lot to feel something." He shrugs.

"Hmm, why do you know so much about it?" I grab a spoon and sit down.

He shrugs again and puts the chopsticks down. "Alright," he sighs. "Give me that." I would like to feed him the syrup but that's just asking for trouble. No, I'm glad he's willing to take the syrup at all. So I give him the bottle and the spoon and he fills the spoon with the dark fluid, then gulps it down, making a disgusted face.

"Not yummy?" I chuckle.

"Not one bit," he murmurs but takes the second spoonful.

"Aw, some medicine does taste good though."

"You wanna try?" He looks up, lifting the spoon into my direction.

"No, no, it's all yours!"

He mumbles something I don't catch and swallows the third and last spoonful of the fluid, then gives me the spoon and the bottle back. "Eugh. Here, done. Happy?" He glances at me, then quickly shoves rice into his mouth, to make the medicine taste go away.

"Yup, I'm happy," I confirm, making him look up and frown.

I clean the spoon and put the bottle back on his desk. "Tomorrow morning three more spoons, alright?" I yell from his room.

He just groans.

* * *

We lie down to sleep. He asks me again, why I'm not hungry and I tell him I ate downstairs. We closed a bit earlier and Mahad let me have the rest of the chili. Isn't he cute, always making sure I eat enough? And he's cute being ill as well. Not that I don't want him to get well soon, but his puffy nose and that scratchy voice are kinda cute too.

He coughs and blows his nose a lot. I lie on my mattress and wait for it to be over. He finally sighs and throws the tissue over me on his desk. Yuck. Then he sighs and turns away.

"Bakura."

"Mh."

"How was Joey's birthday?" I don't know where that thought came from. I just want to talk about something.

"Why."

"Just curious."

"It was fine, I guess."

"Did you go to a club?"

"Nope. Just to a bar."

Silence. I don't know how to continue this conversation. "What's with that gay club you mentioned."

"What's with it?"

"Where is it?"

"They won't let you in, stupid."

"Mm. I just wanted to know."

"It's in the gay quarter."

"Gay quarter?"

"Yup."

"You mean like... the gay quarter of the town?"

He turns on his back. "No, the gay quarter of the strawberry cake in the bakery. You eat one slice of it and turn gay - of course the gay quarter of the town!"

"Okay, sorry!"

"Now lemme sleep, I'm sick and feel terrible."

"Right. Sorry. Good night, Bakura."

"Good night, moron."


	17. Day 57: Bakura is ill 2

**Day 57**

* * *

 _2/17/2016 - Wednesday_

* * *

I wake up because Bakura is coughing. The sound comes from the bathroom. I sit up, being blinded by the light coming from outside, between the curtains. I get up and consider closing them for a moment. No. I open them wide. The sun's warm light hits my face, my neck, my chest. I stand there for a few seconds, enjoying the warmth.

Then Bakura coughs again. I rush to the bathroom, but the door is locked. I go back under into his room, pressing a key on Bakura's mobile. It always lays right next to his pillow. It's 11 AM. Again, I'm awake before noon. But it's just one hour too early. I don't feel as dizzy as yesterday.

I get dressed and check the supplies in the kitchen. Well, in Bakura's secret stash in that cupboard. There were cornflakes and I'm in the mood for cornflakes. Still, I need to ask first, as always.

So I check if we got milk - we got milk - then sit down in the kitchen and wait for Bakura to come out of the bathroom.

* * *

We eat the cornflakes together. Bakura is talkative, telling me how much he hates the cough, even more that the constant sneezing. To which he got used to anyways, because he has some kind of allergy anyways, so he's used to it already. I noticed, I reply. Then I suggest that it'll go away if he would clean his room a bit. This makes him angry though, so I drop the subject.

I get the bottle after we're done eating. Upon seeing it, Bakura moans. "Fine," he agrees. "But let me make me some coffee first, so I can wash it down quickly."

I'm happy that he takes the medicine. The medicine _I_ bought. I love to take care for him, I would do so much more if I had more money and if he would let me. Feed him hot chicken soup. Tuck him in every night. Place a good-night kiss on his hot forehead.

Soon, Bakura gets dressed and leaves the house. I doubt he'll go to school. Even when he's not sick, he often misses it. So where does he go? He doesn't give me an answer, just coughs on his way out of the window. Is he visiting a guy? While he's sick? Or does he meet up with Zorc? I have no idea.

By the time I go to work, he hasn't returned yet.

* * *

"He's back," Dotty whispers, as soon as I go downstairs.

"Who?" I ask confused.

She points over to table forty and rushes back to the bar.

My eyes widen. Gus. That old disgusting man, who gave me a tip. It's just six o'clock, why on earth is he already here? Don't tell me he's here for me?

But no, chill, why would he. Don't get paranoid, Marik. It's good he's here. I'm gonna bring him some cocktails and get some tips. Hopefully. Yet I can't stop to feel ill in my stomach just by thinking at him.

I go into the kitchen first, helping Mahad to prepare the food. Only after an hour I casually walk past Gus, who already has a drink, but waves me over nonetheless. "Yes?" I say, grinning widely, standing before his table.

"One pina colada, please," he says slowly, eyeing me up and down.

"Of course," I answer, nodding.

Ew. I go to Mai, ask her for the cocktail and bring it back to Gus. He leans over as I want to put the glass down and takes it out of my hand instead, touching my hand with his way too long while doing so. Dirty old man. I smile and rush back.

* * *

By the time I want to take my break, Gus has ordered four cocktails. One every half an hour. Every single time he would attempt to touch me in some way, by getting the drink out of my hand, or trying to give me a pat on my leg. I never let him touch my legs, but backed away when he tried it. Godfuckdamnhelpme.

Usually, I take my break at 9PM, but this time I take it half an hour earlier. I kind of hope Gus will be gone when I get back.

Bakura opens the door for me, munching cookies. I take a second look at him, because he almost looks normal. Healthy, I mean.

"Hey, you look good!" I say.

"Thanks, you don't," he answers.

"Haha. No, I mean, you look better." I sit down on his bed.

"Yeah, seems so." He shrugs.

"So my medicine helped you after all?" I grin.

He let's out a groan. "Yeah, be very proud of your goddamn medicine," he mumbles. "Want a trophy for that?"

"Nope, just a simple 'thanks'." I put my legs on the bed and lean back, closing my eyes. My legs hurt from all the walking and standing.

Bakura continues eating cookies. He's doing something on his laptop, but it seems he has to wait for something - a reply from someone? - because he just stares at it.

"That guy is back," I say.

"What guy?"

"Gus. The one who gave me the ten dollar, remember?"

Bakura turns on his chair and looks at me. "Ah, that old one, right?"

"Yes."

"Got a tip again?"

"No. Not yet. I hope. He ordered four drinks so far, all cocktails," I sigh.

He chuckles. "Like you wouldn't drink cocktails."

"Well, I don't. I'm underage."

"Ugh. Okay, baby boy, but in uh five years you'll taste one and never stop, I promise you that." He turns away from me to type a bit, then turns back to me.

"What, why, because I'm gay?" I sit up. "By that logic you must like them too!"

"No, not because you're gay, but because you're a fruit." I frown. "A girly, flashy, highly emotional fag." He grins. "I can easily picture you with some colorful drink in your hand."

I pout. "I'm not girly. And besides alcohol is bad for putting on muscles, so no thanks."

He looks at me. Long. Now it counts as stare. "You're still working out much?" he asks, his voice deep.

I nod. I half expect him to say something like 'show me', half I expect him to turn away and ignore me. He gives me a nod and turns away. Hm, what was that. I would say he likes that physical part of me. My abs. He's always behaving suspicious when I'm coming back half-naked from the shower.

But I guess that's not enough, is it.

* * *

Gus is gone when I return. He left money squeezed between two empty glasses. Ten dollar too much. So that's my tip then, right? I bring the empty glasses and the money to Mai. Dotty wants to know if I got a tip again and I tell her yes. She grins and says "Well, let's hope he'll come next Wednesday again, hm?"

Right. Last time he came on a Wednesday as well.

I go upstairs. I need my daily dose of Bakura.

When I knock, he doesn't move but yells "it's open!" and I go inside. Guess Akefia is out then, if he leaves his door unlocked. He's lying in bed, reading a book. His desk lamp is on. "I'm bored," he tells me and gets up. He leaves the room while I sit down, and comes back with a beer bottle.

"Should you be drinking when you're ill?" I ask.

"Why, I'm almost as good as new again, thanks to your medicine," he says, eyes rolling. He sits next to me, sipping his beer. Nah, he's still a bit reddish around the nose and the eyes, but yeah, he should be good soon.

"Right, here." I get up and grab the bottle. "Take the syrup first. I fear that alcohol will make it weaker or something, but take it first so it'll have at least _some_ chance to heal you before you drink that beer." I put the bottle in his hand, then go to the kitchen and grab a spoon. More dishes in the sink. Ugh.

He takes his medicine with a disgusted face, afterwards he swallows long gulps of his beer. I wash up a bit, then come back into his room.

He's still reading. I glance at the cover. It's 'Lord Of The Rings'. Seriously? Bakura is a LOTR nerd? Cute.

I change into my sleeping clothes. Jogging pants and a short-sleeved shirt. Now that I sleep every night in Bakura's room I just leave my clothes on the mattress along with my tablet and jacket and scarf. When I sleep I put them next to me on the floor. Bakura doesn't look at me when I change, he's too much into his book.

"Good read?" I ask, laying down.

"Huh? Uh, yeah, it's okay. Tolkien has his way of... describing too much."

"Are you a big fan?"

"Nah. I just grabbed the first book I found." He sighs and throws said book over his head. It hits the trashcan, bounces off of it and lands on the floor. I feel the need to get up and put it properly away. On the book pile in the corner, which still isn't the best place but a better one.

Instead I pull my covers over my head.

"Marik." Bakura says.

"Mm."

"Turn off the light."

"Mhhh."

"You're just right next to it."

"Mhh."

"Goddammit!" He moves, the bed squeaks, he gets up.

"Okay, okay," I say and uncover myself, sitting up. He's standing next to me already, between our beds and looks down at me. His eyes glance over my shoulders or my arms, I'm not sure. I've worked out long today and my arms are getting more defined. He noticed.

"Hmpf." He climbs back into his bed, turning away from me. I get up and click the lamp off, then return into my bed as well.

Bakura clearly likes my body. I like that. At least something that he likes about me.

We're silent for a long moment. I can hear him breathe. He turns around and I think he looks at me. I turn on my side as well to look at him, but his eyes are closed.

"Bakura."

He chuckles. "I was just waiting for it."

"What?"

"Every night you start of with 'Bakorah'!" He pronounces his name with a high voice and wrong pronunciation. He grins at me.

I stare back. "So? I can't just go to sleep like that. I wanna talk."

"Yeah." He sighs. "And what is tonight's top question?"

I chuckle. "Hmm... What happened to those tests you learned for? Did you got good grades?"

"I scored two thousand and five hundred and won a trip to the moon," he says. "There's a moon base just for me and nobody else. With lots of chips and cookies and cornflakes. And beer, good beer. And I don't have to ever return back." A longer answer than usual. He looks at me, a somewhat sad expression on his face.

"You really think I wouldn't find a way to get there to you?" I say. "I bet there's a base directly over your base where the heater sometimes doesn't work."

He grins. Then laughs. He genuinely laughs, his body shortly shaking. I smile back. "Yeah, I bet I wouldn't be able to outrun you. I'm there, only two hours after my arrival, having unpacked my stuff and just sat down in front of my super big TV screen and my PS4 and there it is." He makes a dramatic pause. "A knock. 'Bakorah?'" He mimics my voice again and we both laugh.

He makes his voice way too high. "I do not sound like that!" I protest between laughs. He just nods, unable to respond. ' _Yes you do_ '. I love this moment. Bakura is real, he's making fun of me, he's being happy.

Then he coughs a bit, reminding us of reality.

"Good night, Marik," he says, still grinning.

"Good night, Bakura."

He turns away. I stay on my side. Weird, now it didn't felt wrong to have this moment between us.

When he held my wrists and tried to blow on my face, it was weird. What was different this time? Right, it had nothing sexual between us, we were just having a moment between friends. Hm.


	18. Day 58: Awkward

**Day 58**

* * *

 _2/18/2016 - Pizza day; uh I mean Thursday_

* * *

Today is a remarkable day. Mahad stopped calling me 'Jaden'. He didn't start calling me by my real name yet, but at least I'm not 'Jaden' anymore.

It's Thursday and the work doesn't want to stop! Dishes to wash, potatoes to peel, cigarettes to buy, then again; more dishes, ore potatoes and: "Oh, I didn't know you already went to buy cigarettes, could you go again? Thanks!" Uh, sure.

Buuuut it's Thursday, so later Bakura will get a pizza and we'll eat it together. He recovered and doesn't sneeze around so much anymore. His cough is gone as well. The syrup vanished magically when I woke up. First I thought he threw it away, but then I saw it in the cupboard. Far, far in the corniest corner of the cupboard, but it is there.

* * *

In my break Bakura isn't there. Has he started visiting his guy friends again? I am about to open the apartment door and go upstairs, when I hear my name being called. Huh?

I stop in my track to listen.

"Marik!"

It's Akefia, calling me from inside of one of his rooms. My first instinct is too flee and to pretend that I didn't heard him.

But then he would meet me at some other time. He's still my boss and I live in his house. There's no escape, I have to go and see what he wants from me. I don't see him often anyways. Most of the times I see him passing from the kitchen to his room, or going downstairs, or when he slaps Bakura and goes away. So, maybe he just wants to check up on me?

I turn around and stand before the door opposite of Bakura's room. "Y-Yes?" I say loudly.

"Come in."

Oh damn. Asking me to come inside his room? This sounds serious. But he'll probably just talk about Bakura, telling me that I shouldn't get involved with him. We never did anything suspicious, did we? Does he know I sleep in his room? We are loud sometimes, but can he hear that? Besides, there's really nothing going on between us! Why am I so worried.

I move the doorknob and step inside. The light is dim, bit orange-ish. The man with the white hair sits at a table full with paper. He has glasses on. I don't know why, but the glasses make me breathe out. Suddenly, he seems much more human.

"Come in," he repeats, without sounding annoyed. I am inside - okay, I'm standing in the door-frame actually - but I guess he means 'come closer'. I'm still on alert, I can't think of any good reason he would want to see me.

I say "yes" though and go to him, leaving the door open. His room is pretty empty for a sleeping room: A bed, a table, chair, a small fridge. Lots of boxes though, neatly stapled over one another, filled with documents. A small wardrobe cupboard, a few bottles of beer on the floor. No pictures on the wall. No curtains, but blinds.  
So different from Bakura's room, yet similar in a way. There's dust in the corners, but there aren't hundred little things on the floor, making the room  
smaller than it already is, like Bakura's. No books or single socks laying around. His desk _is_ full with paperwork, but there is a structure behind it; the papers are arranged, pencils are in pencil holders, the bin next to the table is half-empty. The air seems much cleaner than in Bakura's room.

And then there are the similarities: No pictures or decorations on the wall. Alright, Bakura has his music posters. But there's no family picture, or old drawing of the time he was five. No postcards of friends, no award for the best spelling student or similar thing. No useless decoration object you keep because someone gifted it to you. It's the same coldness. If you were to only see Akefia's room, you wouldn't guess that he has a son.

I move to Kefia. He looks up and takes his glasses off, puts his pencil away and leans back on his chair. "So," he says.

"Yes!" I say, trying to put on a believable smile. I don't know what to do with my hands, so I put them behind my back. Crossing my arms seems too defensive.

Akefia looks tired. He frowns and puts his hand to his forehand, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Um," he starts. "So you're here for a good amount of time."

I nod, but he isn't looking at me, so I add another "yes".

It doesn't seem like he had been waiting for a reply though, because he continues talking right after finished saying the short word. "Your predecessor had one important task to fulfill for me." Jaden is his name. "And I need _you_ to continue this task."

I nod slowly, showing that I am unsure. He's talking about the drugs delivery, right? I glance shortly around the room, wondering if there are some drugs in this very room. I am not sure if I want to do this.

"Do you think you are up for that?" Akefia asks, looking at me.

I nod quickly, even though I want to shake my head. No, I do not want to do this. I sounds dangerous. And it's super illegal, isn't it? It's a criminal activity and by helping him, I too will be a criminal, an accomplice! But the tone of his voice makes me want to nod, to show him I am definitely 'up' to it! I mean, it's just going to a place and hiding the drugs behind some dumpster or bush, right? Doesn't sound hard, and to be honest, my adventure sense is tingling, telling me ' _do it!_ '

"Good," he says. "Come the day after tomorrow night to me at around midnight." He turns away, back to his desk already.

I open my mouth. "But! - But what about work-"

"Mai and Mahad know the score," he interrupts me. He waves one hand at me, and grabs a pencil with the other, showing me that the conversation is over.

"Oh-Alright," I mumble. Too late to change my mind now, is it? I go a few steps backwards, then turn around and leave his room, pulling the door shut.

* * *

Weird. I feel weird. He didn't mention what the 'task' is about, but it's clear that it's about the drug delivery, right? Maybe he's afraid that the room is bugged or something. Okay, no, that's nonsense, this ain't a thriller here.

I am about to knock at Bakura's door again, but remember than he isn't here. I sigh. I want to talk with someone about it.

I go upstairs. There's a new message from Ishizu, asking me when I have time to meet. I want to tell her about what just happened, but I can't. I would just make her worry. I know what she would say.  
Before I ran away from home, she and I would be the ones making trouble, while Rishid would be the adult one, telling on Dad and talking us out of our stupid ideas. We would stick together. I could always come and tell her about everything and she would give me some insight and she would always consider my side too. But now she has become a second Rishid; she's become another adult, telling me to be responsible and not do dangerous stuff. When did this happen?

Ahhh, I miss Bakura! I want to tell him about it! About Kefia's new task for me and about Ishizu! He would be annoyed at first that I would even put his father's name in my mouth, but then he'd be intrigued, watching me attentively with those beautiful dark eyes... - then he'd frown, being confused why I change the topic and talk about my sister all of a sudden - which is cute too, that little frown over his eyes; he puts out his lower lip a bit out when he frowns, I wonder if he's noticing that - aaand then he would roll his eyes or sigh or groan and tell me I'm stupid for that or that reason and tell me...

Yeah, what would he tell me? That I should go for it and deliver the drugs or money to some place or person? Nahh, he'd be against it, for the sole reason to piss his Dad off. Ugh. Maaaybe he'd be concerned about me, but he would never admit it. Pff, I should do as Kefia says, just to see how Bakura will react.

* * *

When I go back downstairs, I hear someone whimpering in one of the private rooms. No wait, is this whimpering? Could be cries too, or - oh, okay, I'm stupid, those are sounds of pleasure, aren't they...?

I trail away, pretending I didn't hear anything. I thought having sex in the champagne rooms is forbidden. I go inside the girl's room, meeting a few eyes, glancing at me. Did they hear the noises too? Which girl is it, which girl isn't here? Anzu? Okay, you know, I don't really care. I clean the room, chat a bit with a few of the nicer girls, then go to Mahad.

I can't ask Mahad about what I heard in the hall and it is not even his area, is it. The kitchen is his business. I can't remember him talking much to the girls. He's sharing a smoke break with Mai now and then, but to the girls he seems indifferent.

Later, when I am at the bar, I get a silent moment with Mai though. She watches the girls on the stage for a while, then turns around to glance at her phone. "One hour still to go," she sighs.

"About time!" I sigh back. I finished cleaning glasses a while ago, but there are always new dirty ones. I leave them be for now until we're closed for good and watch the dancers as well, even though I don't understand what's appealing about those breasts. Now, if it was Bakura up there on that stage...

"Mh. Joe's making a round already." Mai is nodding towards the bouncers direction. There are a few guys on some evenings who make trouble. When they do, Joe and Mick can just throw them out, no big deal. The real troublemakers are those who aren't making trouble _yet_ but make jokes here and then or get just a _bit_ too grabby around the girls, but haven't shown us a good reason to kick them out yet.  
There's one of those tonight, so Joe makes a round now and then to scare him off. But the guy is still a bit too loud now and then, and won't shut up even though Voula asked him to keep it down for the forth time already. He seems to pay good though, the girls are around him constantly.

I couldn't do that. Selling my body for money. I feel disgusted when that old Gus guy just glances at me. Having him touch my hand, let alone rub my body against him? Yuck! Fuck no.

Time for something else. "Mai, can I ask you something?"

She didn't hear me, I was too silent. She leans over to me and I repeat the question. Her perfume has changed, I notice. It's sweeter than usual. A different brand?

She nods. I look away. "The girls aren't allowed to have - uh, sexual relations here, are they?"

"You mean relationships?" she asks chuckling.

"No. I mean... They aren't allowed to have sex with the customers in the champagne rooms, right?"

"Mh. No," Mai says slowly. But? She doesn't finish what sounded like an open sentence and shrugs, facing me. "I wouldn't ask too many questions. Akefia isn't downstairs much and if a single mother can't afford her rent pay... Well, I would say, it's not really our business, you know."

I nod. She's right, as usual. I say that I wouldn't sell my body under no circumstances ever, but who the fuck know what I would really do, if I had no other possibility? It makes me appreciate Bakura more, who's always keeping an eye on me, making sure I am eating enough.

* * *

We're closing up and I go into the girl's room for a last time, meeting Anzu and a few other girls getting dressed back into their civilian clothes. Anzu smiles at me and I smile back. "Hahh, long day, eh?" she laughs.

"Yeah," I laugh back. I turn away, swiping all the garbage on the table into a trash bag with one long arm motion, but don't get everything and have to pick up a few lost boxes and wrappings off the floor.

Anzu has put on a shirt and steps to me. "Can I borrow ten bucks?" she suddenly asks. I stand up straight and look at her.

"Um, no," I say slowly. Before she can reply to that I add: "I'm totally broke, sorry." I squeeze in a chuckle, to lighten up the mood. I don't need her to get mad at me for not lending her money.

Her face lightens up and she chuckles back. "Oh, right!" She slaps her forehead with her fingertips. "I forgot that you aren't making any money here! Right, right, right!"

Just then I remember that I _do_ have ten bucks. Gus was here yesterday after all. My face drops, but I quickly regain the smile on my lips back. It's too late now, I figure, so I nod and Anzu smiles and finally steps away and leaves me alone. Phew. Does she know I got a tip yesterday though? Was she there yesterday? I can't remember her being there, so I'm probably safe.

Anzu is the last one to finish getting dressed because she keeps talking to the other girls and laughing. She's in a good mood. That's great for her, but I do want her to finally get out so I can close the door after her.

She is telling me about something Tina told her the other day but I am not listening and just nod. I hope Bakura's back. It's Thursday, so he should be. Has he bought pizza again? Which one? But it doesn't matter, I just want to be in his room and hear his voice and tell him about today, about Akefia and so much more.

"You're listening?" Anzu sits on the chair and puts on her boots.

"Yeah. Sorry, I'm just distracted today," I lie. She still looks at me, and I feel the need to say something.

"Anzu, you're not allowed to," I shrug, "you know... - I mean, not _you_ but all the girls, you're not allowed to... have _sex_ in the private rooms, do you?" I'm not sure why I whisper the word 'sex'. I feel uncomfortable to talk about sex, especially with a woman.

Anzu makes big eyes and speaks lower as well. "No! No, no, we're not allowed to do that!" she says and I don't believe her. "The private rooms are there so that the customer will have more," she chuckles, "privacy. Imagine, it must feel weird when other customers look at you, while one of the girls gives them a lap dance. But in a private room, it's just you and the girl, and you can enjoy the show all by yourself."

I nod. It _does_ make sense, but she's not really answering my question. I don't know what I expected her to say. "Yes," I say. "I thought so."

* * *

I trot upstairs. As I close the apartment door behind me, I hear Bakura yelling "it's open!" I smile. I didn't even to knock. My beloved has good mood?

Smells of hot tomato sauce and meat hit me when I enter his room. Gawd, yes! I am hungry, so hungry! I didn't even realize. My mind was busy with worrying about Kefia's drug task for me. I want to let it all out, complain to Bakura about it, just share it with _somebody_!

But then I see the bruise on Bakura's cheek.

"Hey," I say.

He's laying on his stomach on the bed, typing on his phone with one lazy finger; the other hand supports his head. "Hey," he answers without looking up. "I got a big salami."

I blink confused. "What."

He looks up at me, then rolls his eyes. "Pizza. I got a big salami pizza!" He gets up and grabs the pizza box from his desk.

I chuckle, kick off my shoes and throw my jacket on my mattress. "Thought you were talking about something else."

"Nope." He opens the box. "That's not what I meant."

"Ahh, I'm starving!" I join him on the bed. He's not laughing back, not even making a joke about it. So, bad mood after all? That awkward feeling is back, like when he tried to make me sick by blowing his exhale on my face. Yeah, it's a sexual joke. And Bakura is trying to avoid the topic about it. Why? Is it as awkward for him as it is for me? But why?

He pulls out one big piece of the pizza and begins to eat it cautiously. It is still hot and gaawwd the smell! I pull the box to me and grab one piece out as well, pulling it, until the cheese finally stops clinging to the rest of the pizza. It's still steaming, Bakura must have just gotten back home. I take my first bite and moan - it's so good!

Bakura throws a glance at me and I look back. He disrupts our eye contact though and takes his next bite with closed eyes. What, you don't like my moaning?

We finish the pizza quickly. It's a big one, family size or whatever it's called, but that's still less pizza than two normal sized ones. Or so I think.

* * *

"How was work?" Bakura asks, chewing his last bite.

I grin at him. You really want to know that? "Boring and exhausting," I sigh.

"Mm." He swallows and continues looking at me.

I am not sure what to say. It's the first time he's asked me about my work. Normally I would have teased him about it, but there's still awkwardness lingering around us, making things... well, awkward.

"Hm." Another sound coming from him. He's still looking.

Ah, okay, fuck it. I throw a grin at him. "Why're ya so interested?"

He blinks.

"It's the first time you ask me about work."

He shrugs and pouts. "Not that interested, but," he sighs, "we hafta talk about _something_ right?"

"We don't have to, if you don't want to," I reply.

He stares at me. "Okay, let's not turn this into some stupid discussion about who-wants-what-and-who-said-what thing! Ugh."

I pout. "Kay." Avoiding at all costs to admit that you're interested at me, I know, I know. I lean back on his bed, my head touching the headboard. "Work isn't fun anymore," I mumble. "And my legs hurt from walking around all day."

He chuckles. "'Not fun anymore'? Are you implying it _was_ fun at some point?"

I look up to glance at him. "Yeah! I think. In the beginning, it was all new and interesting. But now..." I shrug.

"...you've seen enough enough tits, right?" he laughs. I take another glance at him and his grin vanishes. I look away.

Yeah, I've seen enough tits. I'd rather see something more manlier... Uh, what am I thinking, go away, stupid thought!

I sit up and let out a fake chuckle, without looking at Bakura.

Again, silence. It was never like this around us before. I don't like this at all. The taste of the pizza is still on my lips and I lick them.

"Um," he then says. "that guy, yesterday..."

I look up. "Gus?"

He meets my gaze. "Yeah, Gus. He gave you a tip again?"

I nod and smile. "He actually did!" Right, I forgot to tell him. "Ten dollar again! He came on a Wednesday last time too, so maybe he'll come next week as well. Not that I look forward to it, but if he'll always leave me a tip, well, then it's fine!"

Bakura smiles back. Then it turns to a grin. "Karma payed you out, it seems."

"What do you mean?"

"You spend your money on that medicine for me, and now you get another ten bucks. Give good, get good back, right?"

I laugh. "Yeah, it seems so."

"You don't believe in karma?"

"What, do _you_ do?" I laugh.

"Well, no," he says slowly. "But it would fit you."

I frown. "Mmm. Never thought about it that way."

Another stare from him, more silence. I stare back for a bit, then our gazes move away. Gah, since when are we this awkward?!

* * *

I can't ask him the question that lingers the heaviest on my soul. Bakura would know best what task Akefia wants to give me and by his honest insults I would know whether or not it'll be dangerous. But it's so goddamn weird between us!

He feels it too, I can tell. What is this, is it sexual tension? He's hot as always, but by now I could handle it well. It's him, who's changed. Making pauses, making me feel weird. Where's your honesty, Bakura? Come, tease me, why are you suddenly this shy?

"How are you feeling?" I ask him, making us both look up.

He shrugs. "Good, I guess. Well, not _good_ , but I am not sick anymore, if that was your question."

I frown. "Why aren't you feeling good?"

"Why would I," he mumbles.

I don't know what to say. Are you referring to your life? It's sad and all and I really don't know what to say. ' _Aww, come on, cheer up!_ ' isn't the right answer. But what is?  
I glance at him. If I moved closer for a hug, he would go away. Put my hand on his? Seems too much as well.  
Let's make a joke then.

"Well, when my year here is over, I'll put you in my bag and take you with me, alright?" I grin.

A stare, then a chuckle. "What, so I can live in your closet, waiting for you to feed me scraps?"

I shrug. "Closet or under the bed, both is still unoccupied."

He laughs out, snorting a bit. Aw, cute. "Alright, sounds good," he mumbles.

* * *

We move then, Bakura preparing his bed for sleeping, and me brushing my teeth and putting on my sleeping clothes. We're still not saying much, but the mood is lighter now. I am not sure what has changed between us. Bakura is nicer to me, seems to be more interested in me, laughs a bit more -

Holy fuck, don't tell me he's crushing on me? Nah, can't be, can it? I mean he's still visiting his older fuck buddies, right? Why would he suddenly like me in that way.  
It's something else. Something goes on in his life of which he isn't telling me about and it makes him feel sad or whatever, that's why he's like that. Yeah, Those pauses show that he is thinking of something, daydreaming or worrying, I dunno. It's not about me.

We lie down, Bakura is turned towards me. I can tell his eyes are open, but I don't look at him directly. Is he waiting for me to say something? But I don't know what I could say.

"Marik."

I look up at him. "Yeah?"

"You could save the money Gus gives you and buy some real weights for your workout."

Where does that come from? Bakura is thinking about me. "Yes," I reply. "Good idea."

He looks at me, I look at him.

"Bakura."

"M-hm."

"What's with the calendar on your door?"

"Eh? What's with it?"

"It's from 2004. It's like twelve years old."

He breathes out loudly and frowns. "Mh." He turns on his back and looks up.

I wait for him to say something, but the seconds pass by, as he stares angrily at the ceiling. "Bakura?"

He huffs. "Yeah, it's from 2004, so what, good night!" He stays on his back though. I've never seen him sleep on his back so I guess he's not quite ready to sleep yet. He waits for me to say something, but I am at a loss for words.

Okay, sensible topic, it seems. I wonder what happened in 2004. I was four years old, I guess he was too. What could it be?

Wait.

Didn't his mom left them when he was four? I look up, study his features. There's pain in his face, isn't there? I might be reading too much into it. "Good night, Bakura," I say.

He turns his head to me and looks at me, expression still hard. I look back. What to say, what to say.

In the end he says nothing, and neither do I. I close my eyes and after some time I fall asleep.


	19. Day 59: Anger Day

**Day 59**

* * *

 _2/19/2016 - Friday_

* * *

I can't stop thinking about tomorrow.  
I am like 80% sure that I will have to deliver money or drugs from some place to another. It's not such a big task, is it? Just a bit of walking and putting something somewhere or give it to someone. Or gawd, what if I have to give it to a person who is a dangerous criminal? He could rob me and not give me the money or the drugs I have to bring back - if I have to bring something back.

Aahh, the tension is too much. Why did Kefia tell me yesterday about this, why not tomorrow?

The day is as usual: I get up, find Bakura being gone - hopefully being at school - then I clean the kitchen a bit, work out, go out for a walk, then shower, read, chat with Ishizu, check on Tumblr and Facebook.

* * *

Then it's already time for work.

There's unusual loud chatter when I go downstairs. I find five girls standing near the stairs, talking loudly, all having big smiles on their faces. Tina, Samantha, Nanako, Jeanne and Christine - wait, hold on, that's not Christine.

She's blonde too, but a full head shorter. As I reach the end of the stairs, I try to get a better look at her, but she's standing with her back to me.

I don't want to be creepy and move around just to catch a better view, so I pass them and go into the girl's room. There's Anzu, Pralia, Renny and Charlotte, standing in a silent circle. They glance at me, then look back to the other girl's group. Kay, that's very suspicious. As soon as I go inside their bathroom to check, they start mumbling.

The bathroom's fine. I pass the Anzu group again. The four girls stare straight ahead to the others. I don't dare to ask if anyone needs me to go and get them cigarettes, so I go to Mahad.

What's with girls and rivalry?

Later, I get to know the new girl. She's alone in the girl's room, getting dressed. As she sees me, she stops putting on her skirt and comes to me with her hand stretched out. "Hey, my name's Harley!" she smiles, her eyes beaming.

"Hey," I say, putting down my mop and bucket.

"You must be Marik!"

I wipe my hands on my jeans, then take her hand. "That's right. Nice to meet you!"

"Nice to meet you too," she answers. More smiling and a nod.

I grin back. This girl seems nice! That right here is the first time I have properly got to know somebody! Is that the reason the others don't like her?

Harley tells me that she's excited, because it's her first day. She isn't sure about her stage name, it should be Patty, but only Patty is too boring, so maybe 'Power Patty'? Or 'Pump-kick Patty'? I tell her I like the second one better.  
She asks me about myself and I tell her that I am the 'boy for everything' and if she needs something, she can come to me. I wonder for a second if I should warn her about Anzu, Christine and Katherine, but that would make me look bad, so I don't tell her. She'll find out soon enough.

* * *

An hour later, Harley has performed her first dance on the stage. Mai announced her as 'Peppermint Patty' and the customers cheered. She's not the biggest girl, but she sure knows how to dance. Plus her smile seems sincere. It's a dark, sexy smile on the stage, but it still looks real.

Dotty breaks a glass and I go to the cellar to get new ones. Too many got broken recently, but it's no big deal. Before working here, I thought as a restaurant owner it would suffice to buy a big set of glasses and plates once. But no, you have to have more ready, because there's always something getting smashed.

When I go back up, carrying a box full with plates and glasses, I see Anzu standing near the big curtains, which separate the main room from the others. She turns her head to me, giving me a pouting look. I smile at her. She huffs and steps to me, heaving a heavy sigh.

"What do you think of Harley?" she asks.

I shrug. "She's nice."

"Really? I can't stand her!" An exaggerated head shake, then another sigh.

"Why not?"

She throws her eyes on me. "Don't you see? She's fake."

"I don't see that," I say, frowning. I want to pass her, but she steps into my way.

"Marik, you always have to be weary of the new ones," she says slowly, as if she was trying to teach me something. "They think just because they are younger they are better in everything." Oh, now I understand. Anzu is jealous. "She thinks she can have all the guys and become ATF for everybody. But she'll see what she get by that."

ATF stands for 'all-time-favorite' and is used when a customer asks for one specific girl every time he is here.

I breathe out loudly. "Anzu, I don't think she tries to do that. She's just new." And not used to this toxic environment yet. "Have you talked to her? She really seems like a nice person." I want to get moving, the box isn't exactly a light weight.

Anzu let's out a chuckle. "I don't need to talk to her, I know she's a bitch." With that, she seems to have enough of the conversation. She puts on a pout and gives me a last glare, then she walks between the curtains to the main room.

Yeah, many thanks. Don't you see I am carrying something? I follow her, but have to shift the box onto one arm, so I can use the other to lift the curtain a bit. The main room is loud as ever. Anzu takes on a different way of walking; she is swinging her hips more as she walks through the room, trying to catch some manly eyes.

"Let me help you with this!" somebody yells behind me, lifting the curtain for me. It's Harley.

I nod and smile at her as I pass through. "Thank you!"

"No problem!" She says and goes through as well. Here, more proof that Harley is a decent person!

Our ways part. I go to the kitchen and she strolls around in the room, also trying to attract customers.

* * *

In my break I go upstairs. There's music coming from Bakura's room. I go right in and then I remember that I should have knocked, but Bakura doesn't seem to mind. He's playing a game on his console. He doesn't look at me but gives me a nod and a "what's up". Bakura in a good mood? I'm relieved.

I hush between him and the TV and fall on his bed. "There's a new girl," I tell him.

"A new stripper?"

"Yeah. Her name is Harley and Anzu doesn't like her."

Bakura laughs. "That's the best description ever. It doesn't matter what your name is, Anzu won't like anybody."

I chuckle back. "Yeah. But Harley seems nice. She held up the curtain when I had my hands full with stuff."

Bakura presses a button and the game pauses. He leans back and looks at me. "What am I then?" he grins.

Very good mood tonight, it seems! I play along. "What, have you ever held a curtain up for me?" I grin back.

He puts on a pout. "Do I have too? I feed you, that should count more!"

I put my hand under my chin for support. "No, no, you got it all wrong. Holding up curtains is _the_ way to get sympathy, you know. Feeding people is so 2010. But curtain-holding! That's the future!"

He laughs more. He continues playing, but answers. "Fine, then go to her and let her hold up your curtain, let's see how you'll get fed by the curtain!"

" _My_ curtain?" I laugh. "Now it sounds perverted, thanks."

"Every sentence can sound perverted if you think _looong_ and _haaard_ about it!"

"What?" I burst out in laughter, letting my head fall on the bed. Bakura chuckles along. "I have to remember that one!"

We chuckle some more. It soon fades out. Hahh, no awkwardness there, tonight! So I was right, it really came all from him. Now we're back to normal it seems. I still wonder what has caused for him to behave this way, but it seems to be over now.

Bakura plays his game and I watch him. It's some sort of RPG, that kind of game where you walk around and level up by fighting against monsters. For now, Bakura is traveling through a village and buys potions and swords and stuff. It's relaxing to watch him play.

"Anzu never likes the new ones," Bakura says.

"Because she's jealous, right?"

He shrugs. "It's only natural, isn't it? I bet lots of older people are jealous of young ones."

I frown. "Yeah, okay, but that's... immature. Being jealous doesn't help. You cannot change your appearance."

"Never said that it does help. It's just a feeling."

"Mm." Bakura is right. People usually don't act very logically, but follow their feelings.

I let my gaze travel around the room. The trashcan is full again, I need to empty it before I go back downstairs. Bakura isn't complaining about me doing that anymore. There are some tissues and other stuff lying around it though, and it annoys me. I stare at the trash, maybe it will jump into the can by itself.

"Bakura."

"What."

"May I vacuum your room sometime?"

"No. How often d'you want to ask that?"

"Mmmm."

I get up and pass Bakura. I collect the trash and throw it in the can. I spy a staple of books lying near. I often see them, but now I feel the urge to read something new. I crouch down and grab the first two, but they don't seem interesting. The third one is called 'I am legend'. Wasn't that that movie with Will Smith?

"Bakura."

"What."

"May I read this book?"

"Which one? But yeah, whatever."

"'I am legend.'"

"Ah. That's super short."

"Does it have something to do with the movie?"

"Mhh, kinda. Just read it."

"Alright, thanks!" I stay crouched and start reading the first few sentences. It does sound like the movie actually.

Bakura interrupts my reading. "How can you do that?" he asks in a low voice.

"Huh, what?" I turn my head and arch my back to catch a look on Bakura's face, but I don't see it.

He moves, seemingly stopping his game. "How can you stay so long in that position?"

I get up and step to him, and sit down next to him on the floor. "Heh, I guess it's because I train my leg muscles." It's cute he asks me such a thing. Bakura's hot, but he hasn't got much muscles. His question shows he's inexperienced in this matter and that's so cute! This might be the only topic I am actually more knowledgeable in it than he is.

"Mhh." He looks at me. Eye-lids halfway down, as often, eyebrows up, mouth pouting. His breathing is shallow. "How do you do that without any machines," he mumbles. I am not sure if he expects me to answer, but I want to anyways.

"Yeah, with a proper machine it'd be a lot easier," I say, putting the book on the ground and standing up. "But look, it's fine without it as well. Look, Bakura," I say.

He stops his game and looks up. I cross my arms in front of me without touching my chest and then I move my butt down, back straight, looking straight ahead, as if I wanted to sit down on a chair. "All the strain is one the legs, do you see? Beginners can make twenty short repeats, but you can also just hold it for a longer while."

I glance at Bakura, who eyes me up and down, looking somewhat annoyed. "Mm-hm," he makes, looking back to his TV and continuing his game.

Mhh. Look at me. "If you want, I can show you a few exercises."

He laughs. "For me? Hah, no, thanks."

I get up. "Why not? You don't have to become all bulky, but -"

"What, you don't like my body as it is now?" he asks, glancing at me.

"No, I didn't meant that, I just -"

"Nah, let it be, Marik. I don't want muscles."

I sit down. Really? Hmm, maybe I am wrong and he isn't attracted to me because of my muscles. Maybe he simply likes older guys. Older, fat guys or something like that. Maybe he isn't attracted to me at all. But I kind of thought he liked my body. Hm. Okay, maybe he just doesn't like muscles on his own body.

I stay next to him and watch him play. I want to know now. _What_ is Bakura's type? But I can't ask, or can I?

"Bakura."

"If I got one dollar for every time you say my name," he sighs. "Yeah, what is it?" he says louder. "Why don't you just ask me your stupid question, instead of calling my name, every single fucking time?" He doesn't sound angry, but he is clearly annoyed.

"Mmm, sorry. Ehm, Bakura, I just -"

"There, again," he chuckles and looks at me. "What it is with you and my name? Are you -"

"Ahh, Kura, just listen! I just want to ask -"

"Wwwhat did you call me?" He lets his hands with the controller fall on his lap and glares at me. Wait, what did I say? He's so close to me. I blink at him. I can't remember what I called him, just his name, right? He huffs and continues his game. "Don't call me that."

"What? 'Bakura'?"

"Kura! You said 'Kura'. Don't do that."

I didn't even notice. "Why not?"

"Just don't." He stares at the TV, eyebrows lying low, mouth slightly pouting.

"Okay, drama-queen, I won't," I sigh.

He growls at that.

* * *

I return to work.

From a distant observed it seems that Harley has found her place in the group. Three songs on the stage, then she gets down and walks around or takes a customer to a champagne room. I wonder if she likes the others. Not all girls are here tonight, but she got to know most of them. Did Anzu talk to her?

As I go back from Mahad to Mai, Voula passes me and hits my arm with her shoulder. She apologizes and I nod. It hurt though.

I arrive at Mai's bar while rubbing my arm, seeing Harley trying to seduce a customer. I quickly pass them. Seeing the girls doing that is so weird to me. Don't the guys know that it's all fake? I couldn't enjoy such a place at all, doesn't matter how hot the guys would be. It's not real, so why bother?

Mai grins at me and nods to Harley. "She fits right in."

"Yeah, I like her," I reply.

Later, when I walk through the main room back to get to Mahad, Voula passes me again, _again_ hitting my arm. What the...? I turn around and frown at her. She lifts her shoulders and frowns back, smiling. Okay, another accident, it seems. I hope. But what else would it be, why would she do that on purpose?

I wash up all the new dishes that came in, listening to the cooks repeating orders. One of them starts talking about his son in college but he never gets far, always getting interrupted by someone else being loud or needing something or needing to get through etc. Kitchen work is super stressful. Mahad goes for a break outside and I join him. There are a few plates left in the sink, but they can wait, I need fresh air!

* * *

When I step outside, it's chilly. But ahhh, cold air! I close my eyes and inhale deeply. I'm wet under my armpits, as I am sweating.

"Go finish washing up," Mahad tells me.

I look at him. "Yeah, I will, just let me catch some air."

"You can do that later."

I huff. He's standing next to me, leaning onto the wall, one leg bent and leaning against the wall as well. He's smoking his cig and looks ahead into some far point at the horizon. I don't reply, but close my eyes again, trying to forget that he's here.

"Marik."

I open my eyes and take another look at him. This time, he looks back. "Why can you have a break for smoking but I can't?" I ask, unable to hide the annoyance in my voice.

"Because I'm your boss." He looks away again.

"But -" The wind changes its direction and his smoke flies right at my face. It tickles my nose, but what's worse is that is somehow gets into my throat. I cough and turn around, standing before the open door, so yeah, I might just walk in anyways! I grunt - not sure, if he heard that - and walk back inside the kitchen. A few more dishes are in the sink.

"Marik, gimme the kitties!" someone says and I lean over and grab the oven mitts which for some reason are called 'kitties' in here.

I finish the few plates and glasses, then scrub one big pan as hard as I can. The sink is empty! For now. Mahad is back inside and I go outside again, because _now_ the sink is empty!

I don't come far though. One step outside and I hear Mahad calling my name. Wow, he actually learned it! I should be happy about that, but I can't. It took him _how_ long to get my name right? Whatever, he is my boss so I waltz back in and greet him with a pout. I can't help it.

"T-soup!" one cook yells and another one repeats it.

"On it!" Mahad yells back. "You had your break, stay on stage," he says lower. "Understood?" He grabs the pan I just scrubbed and makes a hand motion to the storage room. "Soup. Go."

"Yeah, okay," I grunt, rushing to the storage room in big steps. Where's that damn tomato soup? It's that one thing that is rarely ordered, so we usually only make it once a week and freeze it. I grab the container and walk back.

Mahad makes another hand motion, but I don't get this one. I frown and shake my head. He says something but it's just too loud in here. The fryer makes the 'beep' sound because it's ready. One cook talks to the other and the third yells at the waitress.

"Your hair!" Mahad says. "Tie it up!"

"What?" I grab at the back of my head. Well, right, it did got long. I grab the ends of it, being able to hold them all in my hand. "Okay, but I don't have a tie!"

Mahad says more but it gets down in the rush of things. I understand his hand motion this time though, it says 'look in that drawer over there'. I do and I find a few hair ties - under a pile of lose matches, pens, pieces of paper, bolts, batteries, half a scissor and a single olive. I tie my hair together and the night continues.

* * *

After the rush, Mahad goes for another break and I follow him. It's quiet now. The other cooks are gone. We can handle the rest. One hour to go. It's not like the customers buy lots at this point. Sometimes we suddenly get another rush but then we have already cooked and prepared everything and just need to heat them up.

I lean next to my boss on the wall and breathe out. Still chilly, still sweating. Mahad is smoking what must be his fifth or sixth cigarette this evening. "Why can't I take breaks too?" I ask. "It's just for a minute."

"There's nothing to discuss here," Mahad tells me.

"You go out too. The other cooks do too. Why, could I make smoke breaks if I smoked?"

He glances at me. "You get your half hour and that's it."

I cross my arms and look away. Why is he so strict? At least we could talk about it! I feel awkward to longer stay outside with him so I return into the kitchen, glancing over things. Still lots to clean. I better start now.

* * *

I can't look at Mahad much after that. He's friggin mean to me! After closing the kitchen and putting left-overs and ingredients to the storage, I check on Mai and then on the girls. There's chatter in their room. Everybody's dressed in coats and ready to go but for some reason they still stand near the exit and talk. Everybody's smiling at Harley who's doing the most talking.

"Good night," I say, "see you tomorrow!" They nod at me, but don't answer, being too focused on Harley. Heh, that girl really is nice, isn't she? Everybody's listening. I clean the table. Where's Anzu though? Can't see her, she's probably gone.

I pass the girls and throw the trash away, then check on the bathroom. The girls finally get moving. They wave to me and I wave back. I pull the heavy metal door, having the keys already ready. I close up, then return the keys to Mai. It's dark in the rooms, the light's are out. Mai's going through the front, as always. We wish each other a good night.

I forgot to tell Mahad good night as well. Whatever.

I go upstairs, not seeing much in the dark. Ugh, can't wait to see Bakura. He was in a good mood. I want to talk to him. I need to talk to him.

* * *

But nope, he isn't in a good mood. He's talking to someone on his phone when I come in, having his back turned to me. Upon hearing me, he swirls around and glares at me. "Knock, goddammit!"

I breathe out and stare back. "Okay!" I take a step back, close the door, knock loudly two times and come right back in. "Better?" I ask.

He's not looking at me, but talking to somebody else. "M-hm." Pause. "Yeah, so what." Pause. "It's just unfair, that's what it is! Simply unfair!"

Who's that, who's he talking to? I close the door and go onto my mattress, kneeling down. I take the hair tie off and put it on my wrist.

He's walking on the small slit between his bed and my mattress, going to the window. One hand on his hip. "Uhu, and you think my life - my school work isn't important?" Small pause. "Yeah, no, that's not the point!" Pause. "Okayyy..."

My legs hurt. I am thirsty. I get up and go into the kitchen. Right, I should eat something. Rice in the blue pot, still warm. Cheese in the fridge. Is there toast in Bakura's cupboard? Yeah, it is. Mmm, I'm so in for a cheese sandwich, just need to ask Bakura.

He's at the window, but turned toward me now. He huffs and takes the phone off his ear, mumbling something he alone can hear.

"You okay?" I ask.

"Never was," he grunts. "You hungry? I made rice."

I smile. He looks up and frowns. "Yeah, but actually, I'd like to eat a cheese sandwich if that's okay with you."

"Yeah, it is," he sighs, moving to the bed. He sits down, looking at his mobile. "You don't have to ask every time, Marik."

I sigh loudly, but I don't mean it. "Yeeeaah, and if I just take something, you'll be mad again!" I add a chuckle.

"No, I won't," he says, not looking up.

Mmm. "Who were you talking to?"

"None of your business."

I pout. It was surely one of his lovers. "Zorc?" I try.

"No," he sighs.

"Joey?"

"Marik -" He looks up. "Go into the kitchen and make your stupid sandwich, okay?" he says loud.

"Okay!" I reply loudly as well and lift my palms. Goddammit, what is this today? Anger day?

* * *

I make two cheese sandwiches. One for him, one for me. If he doesn't want one, I will eat both.

I sit down on my bed, balancing the plate with the sandwiches on my knees. I grab one sandwich and point at the plate. "Want the other?"

Bakura is sitting fully on his bed, knees bent, phone in hand. "What?" he looks up and frowns. "You made two?" he mumbles, shakes his head and stares back at his phone. He's not typing or swiping, just looking at it. I can't tell if the display's even on.

"Yeah, two," I reply. Is he sad? I didn't got to hear the end of his conversation, but it sounded like a fight. "Want one?" I bite into mine.

He inhales, stops and sighs. "No," he says slowly. "Why did you make me one, you didn't know whether I want one." Again with the mumbling.

"You don't want one, so I'm eating both." I shrug and take a bite.

He frowns and looks at me. I chew. "So you actually wanted two sandwiches," he says. It does not sound like a question, but like a statement and that annoys me. There's a glint of a grin in the corner of Bakura's mouth, but it does not convince me. So he _is_ mad that I made two and asked for only one!

"Yeah, I can eat two," I say slowly, frowning. "But I'd be okay with just eating one as well." Ugh, why do I have to explain this, it's so unnecessary! What a stupid conversation.

We have a short silent moment, then Bakura opens his mouth again. "But you actually wanted two, right."

"No!" I shout, trying not to spit with my mouth full. I chew and swallow. "I just thought I'd be a nice person and make two, that's all!" He's not looking at me. "Bakura."

"Yeah, I heard you!" He's louder now as well. Good! Can't hear you when you mumble!

I finish my sandwich and turn my head away. "Stupid."

"What?"

I gaze back and our eyes meet. "I didn't mean you," I say. "I meant this conversation. It's stupid." He lifts one eyebrow. "But actually you are stupid too!" I sigh.

His expression drops. He's giving me a blank stare. What, you're angry?

"You're always calling me names, don't get all worked up because I called you 'stupid' this one time!" I say. I grab the left sandwich and hold it up. "So, you want this or not?"

"No, I fucking _don't_!" he says between his teeth, grabbing his phone harder. "Eat your fucking sandwich! I can't hear about this shit anymore!" He stirs, then gets up in an abrupt move, putting his foot on my mattress. "Leave me alone with your fucking sandwich!"

I bite into the toast, huffing and watching him leave the room. I munch quickly, breathing through my nose. I am short on breath and finish my dinner in under a minute. Then I take several deep breathes and get up. Bakura is coming from the kitchen but I don't care, I go through the door in the same moment he does.

We stop in the door-frame, both of us trying to squeeze past the other. Our eyes meet, our bodies brush against each other. I can feel his exhale on my neck. I hold the plate out of the way, he holds a beer bottle near himself. Goddammit! I fucking hate that beer smell! I let out a growl and he huffs:

"What?"

"Nothing!"

I hate him so much in this moment, or do I? I don't know if it's him or just this whole day, but seeing him makes me want to punch something! Why does he have to be this way? I wanted to come back from my stressful work and chill a bit with him and all he does is yell at me! I just want to grab him and -

Kiss him.

Damn you! Damn you, Bakura! Why do you have to be this hot?!

We make it to the other side. I hear him lying down on the bed as I go to the sink. Three plates, two glasses, a handful of cutlery. Ughh, why can't you wash up for once?! I put my plate to the other dishes and stomp back into his room.

"Bakura!"

"What?" He throws his dark eyes at me.

"Why don't you wash your used dishes?"

He shrugs. "I rarely use them! T'was probably Akefia."

I let my shoulders sink. Uh, was it him? I don't have the guts to go and talk to him about that.

"Heh." Bakura turns his head to look at me. "So you can yell at me, but that asshole doesn't get that complaint in his complain box?" Again, those beautiful eyes looking right at me.

But wait, what? Complain box? I put my fingertips on my forehead. "Kura, I just -"

"Aaagh! Don't! Call me that!" Bakura spits.

"What do you have against that name?!" I yell back. I fucking hate it when we yell!

"K. calls me that!"

I open my mouth and leave it like that for a second. K.? Or 'Kay'? Who's K.? Who's that?  
I shake my head and let myself fall on the mattress. I'm so done for today. "Who is that," I murmur, not expecting an answer.

* * *

And I don't get one. Bakura drinks his beer in the dark room, while I undress and get under my covers. K. Kevin? Karl? Surely no Katy. Yeah, must be one of Bakura's lovers, maybe even the one he was talking to at the phone. Pff, what's so great about him. They were fighting anyways, so he can't be that great. Though, we're fighting too now, aren't we? Ahh, probably my fault, I'm so fucked up this whole evening.

I lie in my bed and wait for Bakura to undress and go to sleep as well, but he doesn't. I don't hear a thing coming from him, except his breath. His hot warm breath I felt this short moment at the door. He finally moves and puts the beer bottle away. Then I hear him putting on his shoes and his coat.

He carefully steps between his bed and me. I grab his ankle. "Where are you going?" I whisper. I feel the urge to grab higher, to stroke his leg, just to feel something of him. But I don't cause it would be super weird and creepy.

"Out," he answers.

Why. To whom? "I didn't want to fight."

He chuckles. "Okay," he says, but it sounds more like 'not my problem'.

I let go of him.

He opens the window and climbs out. It must be like 4 am now. At least there's no school tomorrow.

I hear him descending the stairs, making them rattle. Then it's quiet. Too quiet. I miss his breathing sound, his snore.

Despite this long day I am not tired. I toss to one side, then the other, back and forth. Where the fuck does he go at 4 am? And why, just because we were both bit pissed at each other? Not like he has any reason to be pissed at me. I hadn't had the chance to annoy him today, because he wasn't there all day.

And who is K.? I didn't want to know that name, I'd prefer not to know anything about Bakura's guys. I can't stop thinking about it; K. calls him 'Kura'. K. and Kura. K&K. Great. Fuck you.

Do they sleep with each other? They surely do, right? I hate him, I hate this K. guy. He shouldn't be allowed to undress my Bakura, or kiss him or anything. Kiss his collarbone, or his temple, with Bakura having his eyes closed with those white eyelashes...

At least I can do something I haven't done in a too long time: Jerk off. I can't do it while I'm sleeping in the same room with Kura, so I got used to do it in the shower. But tonight I can. I'm too worked up, maybe it'll help me calm down.


	20. Day 60: Don't confirm and act dumb

**Day 60**

* * *

 _2/20/2016 - Saturday_

* * *

I didn't sleep much last night.

Bakura came back at six or seven am, stepping on me, waking me up. He was drunk I think and I was sleepy, so there was no conversation, just an exchange of grunts. I couldn't get my eyes open, that's how tired I was. I pushed his leg away and he fell on his bed, mumbling "ouch". His his foot was poking my back, so I tried to shove it away. He started to giggle, and slowly made it onto the bed, judging by the creaking sounds. I then fell asleep again.

Now it's 2 PM and I crawled out of my bed. I slept too long, ugh. I wanted to do some workout but I am still pissed from yesterday. It's raining, how fittingly to my mood.

Bakura comes back through the apartment door, seeing me in my pajamas in the kitchen. I am not having breakfast, I am just sitting there, staring, feeling dizzy. It feels as if my brain is trapped in one of those dark clouds outside.

Bakura chuckles and takes off his coat, coming to me. "Finally awake?"

I look up. "Mm." I want to say more but I can't bring myself to find a better reply.

"Gonna make myself a coffee." Bakura puts the coat on the empty chair. "You look like you could need one too." He reaches up to the cupboard above the sink and gets out the necessary ingredients for coffee.

He is nice to me again and for some reason I don't like that. Why can't you be like this all the time? Why are you pissed sometimes and why do you let it out on me? Yeah, it helps you, I get that but it is unfair. Mmh, but come to think of it, I was angry at you yesterday as well.

"Marik?" He turns around with the paper cones in his hand and points his chin at me, waiting for me to reply to something.

"What. Coffee?" I mumble. "Eh, okay, I guess I really need one." I yawn loudly and lean back.

I watch him filling the water kettle and preparing two cups, filling two paper cones with the brown good-smelling powder. He's humming some melody that sounds familiar. He's in a good mood it seems.  
No comment about yesterday? Maybe I am being too serious this whole time. He doesn't mind it when I am angry, so I should stop minding it as well. We can yell at each other to let the anger out and still be friends. It's a different way of being friends than I would have expected, but it could work.

* * *

Soon, Bakura sits down on the other chair across of me and we sip our coffees. I don't really like the taste, so I put in lots of sugar and milk. It does help though, I feel way better now. Bakura laughs at me for drinking my coffee any other way than black.

"Bakura, how can you function like this," I ask. "You go out at 4 am, come back at seven and still be awake?"

"I slept a bit til noon, dummy," he answers.

"So like... five hours?"

"Four. But I'll lay down a bit again," he sighs, then takes a long gulp.

I take a sip as well. "So you didn't go to school then."

He puts his cup down with a bit too much force and stares at me.

"Sorry, just- just wondering!" I say. It was just a comment, nothing else.

"I don't need to go to every lesson," he says between his teeth.

"I kinda think you do," I begin, saying the words slowly. He inhales loudly through the nose. "But that's none of my business!" I add quickly.

"Damn right, it isn't." He stands up, finishes his drink and puts the cup into the sink.

Why won't he go to school tho? He has bad grades as far as I know; they won't get better by missing classes. He gets angry if I just mention school, so it clearly bothers him as well, right? Does he think that the problem will eventually just go away or what?

Bakura is heading towards his room. I glance at his cup in the sink. "You won't clean up after yourself?" I sigh, turning in my chair towards him.

"No, that's what you're here for!" he sing-songs, leaving the room without glancing at me.

"Not really!" I answer loudly, growling.

He chuckles and vanishes into his room. He leaves the door open though, which means I am welcome inside. What's he so cheerful for anyways. Was his visit at K. good?

* * *

He's not true to his word though. He doesn't go lay down but plays on his PlayStation, sitting on my mattress. I am awake now, but not in the mood for anything, so I stay in my pajamas, climb onto his bed and watch him play. He's fighting against some monsters, then against some group of magicians, levels up, then we get to watch a bit of the game's story-line, which I don't get because I didn't see the beginning of it. Something about a war and some princess. There's always a princess in those games.

I check on Tumblr and Facebook while he plays. My ex posted some new pics of her and some girlfriends at the mall. She dyed her hair, it's a bit lighter now. It fits her well. I want to message her and tell her that I like it. Really, it is kinda hard _not_ to like her posts. I used to like every single one of them and she liked mine back.

"Bakura."

"Mm." He's fighting against some monsters again, being fully concentrated on the screen.

"Have you ever kissed a girl?"

"Yea."

Huh? "Really?" Now that surprises me.

"Wait, what?" He glances at me. "Did you ask if I ever kissed somebody? Yeah, I have."

"No, I mean a girl."

"Pff, no."

I chuckle. "Phew, I was kinda shocked there for a moment."

He laughs. "Yeah, no, I haven't. Other than other confused people in this room."

"Why, I wasn't sure if I'm gay," I mutter pouting. That's not completely true though - I was rather curious about kissing - but it suffices as a reply.

"Why you're asking anyways?" he sighs with a deep voice.

"Curiosity."

"Mh."

"So you always knew you were gay?"

"Yeah." That fits to him. He always seems so sure of himself. I wished I could be like this as well.  
He plays for a while, without any of us saying anything. I am done with browsing around in the internet and put my tablet away.

He clears his throat. "Why? Didn't _you_ know you were gay from the start on?"

"I don't know. I never thought much about it." I shift my position. "I mean I obviously knew I liked guys but I thought it would go away and I would start liking girls at some point. But that never happened and then the teacher in biology explained what homosexuality was and it clicked in my head."

"When was this? In sixth grade?" Bakura sounds surprised.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Dunno. Sounds kinda late."

"Why? No, why?" I sit up. "And you knew it the second you were born or what?" I put my feet on my mattress.

"No, but... I knew it when I was five, six years old."

"What? How?"

"Liked a boy in my class."

I chuckle. That sounds cute. I imagine a small Bakura, dark eyes and wild, long hair throwing angry looks at some boy in his class, blushing when he is sitting next to his crush. Or maybe he was mean to him, threw paper bullets at him and pulled his hair?

"You never liked anyone before me?" he asks.

My grin drops. I'm glad he is facing the TV and not me and can't see my face. "Um, kinda. I had a crush on a junior when I was a freshman."

"Kinda? He's still at your school?"

"Yeah, he is. I don't care about him anymore though."

Bakura reached a save point in his game and waits for the screen to stop saving. He leans back and grins at me. "Because of me?" he asks, moving his eyebrows in a suggestive way.

He's way too close and I blush. I look away and pout. "No... I never liked him that much in the first place," I mumble. "Wasn't love, not even a real crush, I just thought he looked good, all the girls liked him too, from freshman to junior..."

Bakura looks at me for good three seconds more, then he snorts a chuckle and moves back to his previous position. Eh, excuse me?

"Don't laugh at me," I murmur.

"Mm, I don't," he replies. "You're just... funny."

Funny? "Why?" Cause I'm in love with you?

"Cause you're so easy to read."

"Easy to read?"

"Yeah."

I am not sure what he means by that. Okay, you know I love you, so yeah, obviously I'll be embarrassed to talk about my feelings about guys I liked and so on. That doesn't mean you know all about me!

* * *

I go upstairs and change into my working clothes. Same old jeans and a fresh shirt. I still got the hair-tie around my wrist, guess I'll always have to put it on from now on. My fringe is getting too long as well. I still can see, but soon I should let someone cut it off for me. Can't do it myself and can't spend money on a hairdresser. Gotta ask Bakura.

Harley is there, along with a few other girls. Mai makes me cut lemons, Mahad makes me check the storage room. He goes out for a smoke while I cut a bucket full of potatoes. I don't complain. In a way he is right, I am the boy for everything, but just a little break - okay, I won't start this again, I'll behave, I'll behave.

A few hours in, it gets interesting: A customer grabbed the boobs of a girl during a lap dance and despite her telling him he is not allowed to do that, he continues. She gets off of him and calls Joe who throws him out. He has to pay for the dance and his food first and does it under lots of yelling and growling, then Joe accompanies him to the exit.  
So weird. I get it that those are the rules, that you aren't allowed to touch the girls, but I can understand that you _want_ to touch them. They are hovering inches above you or rub themselves against you, so it's kinda normal for you to reach out and grab, right? I don't think I would be able to contain myself if Bakura were suddenly coming closer to me.

The boost I felt for the past hours wears off. Right, that was the magic of the coffee. Now I feel tired and dizzy again. But it's not far from nine pm, so I take it a bit slower and wait for my break time to come.

At nine, I climb the stairs sighing. Uh, how will I make it til two tonight? God, I mustn't touch Bakura's bed or mine now, or I'll fall asleep on the spot.

I hear Akefia and Bakura talk. The volume is on the edge of yelling. I rush to the door but when I make it inside, Kefia is already gone. Bakura grabs a yogurt from his hideout and goes into his room. He has no marks on his face, so it wasn't a serious fight. Thank god.

Come to think of Kefia, I have to visit him tonight, right? At midnight. For that special task. Uhh, I will fall asleep on the way to the drug hideout thing and the cops will find me and bring me home. Maybe I should drink another coffee? But then I won't sleep tonight and that's not good either.

Bakura sits on my mattress and I sit down on his bed. Uhh, I just want to rest for a while, just a short while. The world spins a bit as I lie down. I won't fall asleep, I just want to close my eyes...

* * *

"Marik."

"Mm." Someone is touching my arm, pushing it, making me rock back and forth. Bakura? "What." I am laying, why am I laying?! Did I fall asleep?!

"Half an hour is up, sleepy-head. Back to work."

I sit up straight. Wha- What, work, I missed work? "What?"

Bakura was leaning above me, now he straightened himself as well. "You fell asleep, idiot." He turns away and sits down at his desk, doing something at his computer.

"Oh." I stand up, feeling light-headed. "I slept half an hour?" I look at my watch, it's true. Half past nine. How can that be, it was just nine, like a minute ago. I _did_ fall asleep, goddammit.

"Yeah."

"Oh, thanks, Bakura." I move a few steps, then stop to rub my eyes. Uhh, I'm still tired. "Thanks." I wasted so much precious Bakura time asleep, ugh!

"Yeah."

And it didn't even help much. "Uggh, I could just continue sleeping," I sigh.

"Your decision." Yeah, I see, you're not much in for a talk.

I stretch myself and yawn a bit, then get going. "See you later!"

"Yup!"

I rush down the stairs. I actually feel a lot better after that short nap. Too bad I didn't got the chance to talk to Bakura though, but I still have those ten to fifteen minutes after work and before falling asleep.

No wait, I'll have to go to Kefia at midnight. When will I be done with the special task? Will I have to go back downstairs when I am done with it before two am? The worst thing is, I still haven't talked to Bakura about it. I would feel so much better knowing what he thinks about it.

Too late now, isn't it? I'll ask him at midnight then, hopefully he won't be out.

Mahad makes me wash up everything that's in the sink, then I have to rush back and forth between kitchen and storage room and bring him ingredients.

Heh, you know what I noticed? Bakura actually let me sleep on his bed. He didn't wake me up after noticing it, but woke me up when my break was over. So he didn't mind me sleeping on his bed and cared enough for me not to miss work.  
I make marinade for the chicken wings and I start grinning at the chicken parts in my hands while rolling them in the sauce. Bakura let me sleep on his bed! One of the cooks throws me a confused look.

* * *

Ten before midnight I get nervous. I go outside to Mahad and tell him about my 'special task' and he nods.

Mai is with him, having a smoke break as well. She frowns. "Marik?" Her voice is raspy.

I was about to go back inside, but turn around to her. "Yes?"

"Be careful, okay?" She smiles at me and locks her eyes with mine. Does she try to tell me something?

"Yeah, sure." I nod and smile back.

Her smile turns into a worry-some expression, but she doesn't say anything more, so I walk back inside.

My heart rate increases as I walk up the stairs. Five before midnight, my watch says. Why the heck am I so excited? Could be something really boring.

I knock at Bakura's door, but there is no response. Oh shit, is he out? I put my ear against the door and hear nothing. Dammit. I don't want to waste my time with going upstairs and climbing back down via fire escape, I know he's out. He has always responded to me, even if he was angry.

So... time for my task. Without any support from Bakura. I turn around and face the other door. I lift my hand and knock. Two times.

"Come in."

I gulp and put my hand on the knob. For some irrational reason I try to make as little sound as possible, despite Akefia knowing that I am about to come inside. He sits at his desk, just like he did two days ago. If it weren't for the different clothing he is wearing I would have thought that he didn't move at all since the last time I was here. I close the door behind me silently as well.

He takes a glance to me, as if to make sure that it is me. "Marik," he says. "Come here." It's so weird to hear him call my name.

I step to him, next to his desk. Less paperwork on it tonight. "Yes."

He looks up. "'lright, you will move a package from one spot to another." He looks at me, frowns and then removes his glasses. Now his eyes are focused on me. "You're not a dumb boy, you know what this is about, right?"

I nod. "Drugs?" I say, way too silent. I guess I sounded afraid. Drugs always imply danger in some way.

He nods. "Yeah. So you have to be careful. Make sure nobody sees you getting the package. Act casual. Make sure nobody's around when you put it down."

I nod a few times. Helping Akefia with his drug deals? I don't like this.

"Listen carefully. I'm not writing down the locations or street names, so you have to remember them, alright?"

I nod.

"You will get the package from the harbor. Looking from Governer Street towards the harbor it will be in the fourth boat, under a plane. A brown package, about as big as this." He lift his hands and holds them about twelve inches apart. "Don't try to hide it, just carry it. Don't walk too fast, act naturally. You'll bring it to Chester Street. There's a row of trees near a big yellow house." He takes a breath. "You'll figure out which tree is the right one." Uh, how? "Put it into the tree hole and walk away. Don't look around you but make sure nobody sees you while you get and drop the package, understood?"

I nod, then shake my head. "No, wait. How can I make sure nobody sees me when I can't look around."

He stares at me for a moment. "Well, don't look suspiciously around you," he says slowly.

I don't get it, but whatever. "Uh and-"

"You got the rest, right?" He throws me a doubtful look. "Harbor, fourth boat, Chester Street-"

I wave one hand at him. "Yeah, yeah, but... where _are_ those streets?" I chuckle. "I suppose I shouldn't look them up on google maps, or can I..."

He frowns, then shrugs. "Do what you have to."

"But won't it be suspicious when the names of those streets show up in your Wi-Fi?"

He frowns more. "I doubt anyone got arrested for that," he murmurs. He puts his glasses back on, still looking at me, then turns to his desk. "Go then."

"Ehm!" I jerk up and lift my hand. "Ehm, but!"

"What?" He turns back to me, glaring at me. His frown is deep between his eyebrows now, making a big fold in his skin.

"I... I don't think that illegal drug selling is good," I stammer.

His expression doesn't change.

"I won't feel good doing this," I add.

"I don't care how you feel," he says. "Go now!"

Ugh. I let my shoulders drop. "Okay." I guess I have to do as he says. What were the streets again?

"Don't you dare make a mistake at this."

"Yes, okay, I won't," I mumble, pouting. Ughh, right, I something happens like what happened to Jaden, I'll be in real trouble. I have to watch out for guys that might want to whack my head.

"Come back after you dropped it."

"Yes!"  
I leave Kefia's room, scratching my head. Fourth boat when I'm looking at the harbor from... which street? Governor was it, right? Then going to some yellow house in Chester street, to some trees, hiding the package in a hole. Uh, I sure hope this will work. Kefia didn't sound too concerned about this.

I go upstairs and turn on my tablet and look up the street names. It's 'Govern _e_ r street'. Google street view doesn't show me any yellow house but then again the pics on this street are from 2005 so one of those houses might be yellow now. Sigh. I just have to check it out for myself.

* * *

I put on shoes and my big warm coat and go down the fire escape. Nobody's out, neither Mahad nor one of the girls. The doors are all open and I can hear the music from inside, the hard bass. I turn away and take quick steps through the backyard.

Just as I reach the sidewalk I see Bakura coming at me, coming back home. He sees me too, being surprised. What a timing. I stop walking and wonder if and what I should say. I didn't intend to keep this a secret but now I feel like I'm caught red handed. Maybe he doesn't even care though.

"Where you're going?" he asks, stopping before me. His hands are inside his coat's pockets. His eyes watch me intensively.

I shrug. "Just out."

"Don't you have to work?" he laughs, frowning.

"It is for work." I shrug again and pass him.

"What? Wait!" I hear him say behind me. "Marik!"

Hah, I love to hear him say my name. I don't stop walking though, maybe he won't pursue me. I don't know why I don't just tell him what I am about to do, maybe it's because it's illegal. I don't want to drag him into this. I'll just do it quickly and then it'll be over.

"Marik." He grabs my arm and makes me stop. "Akefia makes you do this, right?"

I grunt and continue going. The harbor isn't exactly near, it's actually on the other side of the town. I will need at least an hour to go there and another to come back, plus the way from there to those trees. "I don't have time for this!"

Bakura chuckles and huffs at the same time. "Right, suddenly you don't have time for me!" He's keeping up with me, walking next to me. I don't look at him but I can see his white head in the corner of my eye. "I know that it's Kefia making you do something for him, there's no need to deny it!"

I don't say anything and walk faster. I cannot reply, because neither do I want to tell him he's right, nor do I want to lie to him. So I just keep my head low and rush down the street, hoping he'll get tired of following me.

"Marik!" he chuckles, "This is really weird, _you_ not wanting to talk to me!"

I shrug. "Mhh, just go home. I'll be back soon."

He lets out a growl and suddenly jumps into my way. I try to go past him, but he grabs my arm. "Marik," he murmurs, looking at me. He's too damn close. I can feel his body heat and see his breath in the cold wind. "You don't have to do that stupid stuff for him. It's too dangerous."

I chuckle and look up at him. "You're worried about me?"

He glances away and pouts. "Uh, no. I wouldn't care if you were to fall down a hole and die." He lets go of my arm and takes a step back. "Just thought I inform you," he adds, shrugging.

I've sooo had enough of this! "Fine," I groan. "If I'm that unimportant to you, then let me go and do this 'dangerous stuff'." I look at him and he looks back, glaring, snorting. "Bye, see you later," I say loudly and move past him.

"No, okay, argh, Marik!" he says behind me. He's quickly back next to me, grabbing my arm. "Stop for a second, okay?"

I stop. I wonder if people are looking at us, we are a bit loud. He's facing me, coming close, so that he can speak quietly. I put my hands in my pockets and move my mouth and nose under my scarf. His persistence is nice. Never witnessed him being like this.

He gulps. "You're... You're _not_ totally unimportant to me." A pause. He waits, I wait. I don't know what he is waiting for, but I wait for more to come.

But nothing comes and I huff. "That's all? 'Not totally unimportant to me'?" I say that way too loud. I pull my scarf away from my mouth. "Great, I don't even know why I am so upset about this." I shake my head and move away from him. "It's always the same with you."

He sighs annoyed. "What, what is it with me?"

I turn back to him. "I am totally at your mood's mercy! You're angry, so you let it out on me, you're in a good mood so you make me coffee. I don't like this, I don't want to surprised every time I come into your room!"

He sighs more, louder. "Yeah, welcome to my life, what do you think why I don't have many friends?" he hisses. "That's just how I am. I can't put my emotions away. I -" He stops, gulps while maintaining eye contact with me, then he breaks it off. "I don't usually show my feelings so freely around people," he murmurs. "I could be myself in my room, but since you're there I can't. So," he shrugs, "I don't know, you should be kinda glad I'm so open around you."

So open around me? My harden expression fades. I blink a few times. "Heh, and all this time I would have said you're pretty closed up and aren't showing me your true emotions."

"Yeah, that too." He shrugs more, looking down at the ground between us. "Anger is the only emotion that kinda just comes out."

Suddenly, all the tension is gone. I said what I had in mind, and he did too. And it felt good. Maybe anger isn't all that bad after all.

I nod. "I'm sorry for yelling."

He looks up and grins at me. "Don't be. Just let it out."

We stare at each other for a bit. His grin fades and he looks down again. My stomach makes a sound.

"Why is it that dangerous to do that kind of work for Kefia?" I ask.

He looks back at me. "Mm. I tell you if we walk back home."

I smirk. "We'll walk back home, if you admit that you're worried about me."

He open his mouth to a grin and shakes his head, chuckling. "Marik..."

"Aw, come on, how hard can that be?" I laugh, taking a step closer to him.

"It's hard because it's not the truth!"

"Oh yeah? Then why are you trying to make me go home?"

He rolls his eyes. "Because I want Kefia to stop doing this." He bites his lower lip, looking up. "I want him to lose money, so that he's sad and miserable!"

I chuckle. "That would be funny, if it wasn't so sad how much you hate him."

"Ughh, come on now, let's go back home first!" he moans, grabbing my arm. "I'll handle Akefia, okay? I'll make something up." He slides his hand up my shoulder and gets going, pulling me along.

I'm caught in the sudden proximity and walk with him, subtly leaning closer to his warm body. "Mmh, b-but why would it be so dangerous to do this work for him?" I lower my voice. "It's just bringing a package from one spot to another." Now I'm whispering. "What could possibly happen?"

He stays close to me, but takes his arm away. We walk back the way we came from. "The more you are seen with any drug related stuff, the higher the risk that you get actually caught for transporting it," he mutters. "Plus, those guys you're delivering to aren't exactly the nicest ones I would imagine. They could just close the room you're in and beat you up to death because half a gram is missing."

I pout. "I'm not exactly a weakling, if you haven't noticed."

"Yeah, but you too wouldn't have a chance against five or more adults, would you."

We're already at the backyard of our home. Weird how fast we're back. Christine is outside, smoking and looking at us. I face Bakura while he is looking up to the house. He did manage to make me go back. But now what? I can't tell Kefia I won't do this just because Bakura made me go back.

"What's your plan?" I ask. "You _do_ have a plan, right?"

"Let's go upstairs," he mumbles, pulling at me.

* * *

We climb up the fire escape. Christine doesn't pay much attention to us. If it was Anzu, she would start telling every other person she sees and soon Mahad and Mai would know that I am back and did not deliver the drug package. Would they care though? Mahad wouldn't and Mai would be too clever to get involved in this.

Heh, another curious thing: Jaden was delivering drugs and money back and forth a long time before I got here. Bakura never had a problem with this, had he? So why's he running after me and making me stop doing the same work?

I climb inside his dark room and he closes the window behind me. "Bakura."

"Shh, I'll tell you what I'm gonna say, okay?" he whispers. "You have to play along and do it well."

I feel like I won't have another chance to ask this, so I interrupt him: "Yeah, okay, but why didn't you ever make Jaden stop delivering drugs for Akefia?"

Bakura frowns. He puts his hands on his hips and sighs. "We don't have time for this," he says calmly.

I pout. "And you never admitted that you were worried about me." I unzip my jacket, it's warm in here.

"Marik!" he grunts. "Really, can we talk about this later?"

"No, because you won't ever talk about this again once it's over, I know it!" We're getting too loud, but I don't care. "It's just words, what's so hard about that?"

"If it's just words, then why do you care so much about it in the first place?" he shouts back.

Quick, what do I say? "Well... It's easy to say it, and it means a lot to me, so why won't you say it!"

He snorts. "So you'd rather want someone to lie to you just to be happy, than hearing the truth?"

"What?" I blink. "No. What are you-"

"You're so blue pill!"

"Whatever that means!"

Then, someone knocks. "Bakura! Marik! What's going on here?"

We look at the door, then back at each other. I start breathing again. Bakura stares at me. "Marik, listen-"

However, he never finishes his sentence, because his father swings the door wide open, bringing light into the room. "What are you doing here?" he asks loudly, looking at me. "Why aren't you outside?" Why isn't the door locked?

"Um, I..." I start, but I don't even have one single excuse in my mind.

"Come out here," Akefia says. He doesn't sound angry and that worries me. I glance at Bakura, who first gulps, then suddenly chuckles.

"Heh, yeah, tell him what happened," he says, chuckling more, his voice sounding off. "Tell him how I found you!"

I look back at him confused. Is that part of his plan? I don't understand.

"Marik, come up here at once and you," he sighs and takes a glance at Bakura, "shut up."

I furrow my brows at Bakura, then turn and step cautiously to Akefia. "Erm..."

The older man walks back to his private room and I follow him, but not without throwing a last look at Bakura, giving him an intensive stare. Help me, goddammit!  
He nods a few times and comes after me, closing the door to his room behind us. I stand near him and look up. "What's your plan?" I say under my breath, hoping he can hear me and Kefia can't.

Bakura touches my arm and pulls me close to whisper in my ear. "Where were you supposed to go tonight?"

"To he harbor."

"Okay. Let me speak, don't confirm and act dumb."

I nod.

* * *

"Marik!" Kefia shouts.

Having been so close to Bakura and hearing his deep voice near my ear made me kinda hot, but there's no time to get aroused now.

We go inside Akefia's room. The man is crouching down, searching through one of his boxes. He fishes out one slip of paper and gets up, turning to us. I'm standing at the open door, while Bakura is one step closer to his old man.

"Bakura, what do you want?" Kefia asks, walking to his desk.

Bakura shrugs and puts his hands into his jean's pockets. "Just thought I inform you about this little idiot here." He turns towards Akefia. I lean back against the wall behind me.

"What are you talking about?" Akefia doesn't look at him, but searches for something else on his desk.

"Well, I was down at the harbor," Bakura begins, stretching his words, "and saw stupid Marik asking people for some boat and some parcel."

Akefia looks up at Bakura who puts on a smirk. Eh, t _hat's_ his plan? Trying to make me look too dumb for this task?  
Akefia turns his head to me, looking for affirmation.

I push myself of the wall and nod. "Yeah, I'm just not good at this-"

Bakura throws me hard stare and I close my mouth. He turns his head back to Akefia, grinning. "Heh, well, he could be, I guess that's not so bad after all, is it!" he says, adding a chuckle after his words. He shrugs and bites his lip. "Just wanted to tell you," he murmurs.

Akefia is still staring at me. I don't dare to move. I smile at him, showing him a grin full of teeth, oh god, why the heck am I smiling?! "Um, yeah, I just made a mistake," I say. I get cut off by a grunt of Kefia. Which is good, because I had no idea how to continue this sentence anyways.

"And that's when you decided to come back? Because Bakura saw you?" Akefia's voice is deep, his eyes boring into mine, pinning me down against the wall.

I gulp. "Um..." He's not believing us! I wouldn't believe us either!

Bakura sighs, temporarily calling our focus to him. He walks to me and leans next to me against the wall, crossing his arms. "He panicked, like the coward he is."

I nod - then notice another short stare from Bakura at me - and shake my head. _Don't confirm, but play dumb_! Now I get it. I smile at Akefia and laugh. "Yeah, I thought nobody should see me, so I told the guy I was talking to to forget me aaand thought I would come back later, you know, when Bakura was away!" I babble, hoping Kefia will catch the red flag.

"So you really talked to somebody?" Akefia asks loudly, slowly putting his hands on his thighs.

I act surprised and pout and blink. "Yeah, I... Just the guy who told me where the boats are." Akefia's facial expression hardens. "What, you told me to do what I have to do and I couldn't remember which boat you meant, the third or the fourth, so I asked someone if they saw a package in a boat." I smile shyly and scratch my head.

Bakura next to me puts his hand on his mouth and chuckles. "Pff, you're even dumber than I thought."

"What?" I pout. Okay, I know he's just acting, but what's with those constant insults? Dumb here, stupid there. Akefia understood it, stop insulting me!

"It's a wonder you manage to find your way up and down the stairs," Bakura sighs.

"I'm not dumb!" I say loudly, huffing.

"Enough!" Akefia shouts. He groans and runs his fingers down his face. Then he looks at me, shaking his head. "Seems that it was a mistake to try you out as bag boy," he mutters. A few seconds of staring, in which I pout and look confused as if I wouldn't understand what I did wrong. "Forget it, I'll find someone else." Akefia turns away from us, shaking his head more. "Fuck off, both of you."

"Oh, but why," I start, "I can do it better next time!"

Bakura grins at me. Kefia glances at us and Bakura rolls his eyes annoyed. "No. Go back to work," the old man says.

We leave Akefia's room. "Tss," Bakura makes. "You're just no Jaden."  
He closes the door behind himself, then his grin is back on his lips. "Very good," he whispers, putting his hand on my upper arm, patting it.

I grin back.

We rush into his room.

* * *

It's hard not to burst out in laughter. But we mustn't be loud, because Kefia might hear that. It's a miracle he believed us anyways!

"His face when you told him that you asked some guy about the package in the boat!" Bakura presses his hand against his mouth, his words and laughter coming out muffled. He lets himself fall on his bed.

I sit down on my mattress, chuckling. "I know, right? I thought he would jump up and choke me or something!" I undress myself and put my jacket besides me.

Bakura shakes his head slowly. "Good thing you caught my stare. Saying 'yeah, yeah, I'm dumb' wouldn't have helped." He widens his eyes at me.

I nod. "You're right, it wouldn't have been convincing."

He nods back. "Yeah, if you want somebody to believe you, say the opposite of what you want him to hear."

My grin drops. I peer at him. "Bakura."

He blinks. "What?" He stands up and takes of his coat.

"So... why exactly did you never stop Jaden from delivering drugs...?" I say the words slowly, watching Bakura's reaction.

Which is to inhale air loudly through his nose and exhale it even louder through his mouth, while undressing himself. He turns away from me and takes off his sweater, showing me his bare back. "Jaden didn't spend his whole free time down here with me, so I rarely saw him," he says. "When I first heard that Kefia is doing drug deals, Jaden was already doing this stuff for half a year." He turns back to me, his expression serious.

I glance at his naked chest, to which he rolls his eyes and grins. "Mm. But you still never made him stop doing it," I say.

He nods. "That's right."

"Why not?"

Bakura sits down and proceeds to take off his jeans. "As I said: Because he was already doing it. Besides, we never really talked that much." He glances at me. "Like we do."

I smile. "Really?"

"Yeah, I bet we already exchanged more words than Jaden and I ever did," he sighs. He stands up, legs naked, boxer-shorts blue, and throws his clothes into a corner, then climbs under his blankets.

I grin. "Really?"

He grins back with an irritated look. "Yes, really."

So Bakura and me are closer than Jaden and Bakura ever were? I can't stop grinning about that. Bakura chuckles at me, being annoyed but not being mad. I look at my watch. It's only quarter to one. I should go back downstairs.

"Marik-" Bakura begins.

"Hm, yeah?" I get up smiling at him. "I'm back soon."

"Really, you're going back to work for what? Half an hour?" He turns to his side, putting his head on his arm.

"Not half an hour, but 75 minutes!"

"Ugh. Wait, give me my laptop at least."

I look for it; it's on his desk. "What do you mean by 'at least'? You want me to stay?"

"No," he says slowly and sits up. I give him his computer. "'At least' as in 'at least be smart enough to fulfill _this_ task'."

I shake my head because a) I don't get it and b) because I know he's lying. Whatever. I head downstairs.

* * *

If Mahad is surprised to see me coming back, he isn't showing it. The kitchen is as good as closed anyways, but I help putting the ingredients back, then I go to the girl's room. There's not much to do there either, the table and the bathroom are clean. One of the girls I don't talk much to, Renny, asks me why I am back and I shrug and say that "it didn't work out".

Actually, what shall I say? That Bakura helped me? Or that I was too dumb to finish the task?

Mai shows her surprise. She forms her lipstick-red lips into a small 'O' and puts her hands on her hips. There's too much going on at the bar though and I help her and give her glasses and beer bottles, before the swarm around the bar decreases. "What happened?" she asks, giving an already intoxicated customer another beer. He walks away slowly.

"It didn't work out," I chuckle helplessly. What shall I say?

"Why?" she persists, opening another bottle for another guy.

"Two tequila shots please!" shouts another over the music, waving a bill.

I turn around and fetch two slices of lemons and put them in front of the man, then add the salt shaker next to them. Mai pours two shot glasses full with the strong smelling alcohol and turns back to me. "What did you had to do?" She accepts the bill and puts it into the money box. (We don't have a register at the bar, just a metal box full with bills and coins.)

I shrug. There are no customers left and it's close to two am. Can't I just vanish upstairs? I'm hungry.

"You won't tell me?" Mai asks, as we begin washing up. "It's alright, you don't have to," she smiles.

I smile back. "Yeah, thanks, I'm not sure actually."

"I won't tell anyone, if you like to tell me, but you absolutely don't have to."

I think of Bakura. I can't tell Mai lies, she's worth of the truth. But if the truth somehow gets to Akefia, Bakura will be in trouble. "Yeah, I shouldn't."

* * *

Soon, I'm back upstairs, carrying a few chicken wings and a bit of Caesar salad in a Tupperware.

I warm up the wings in the microwave, then sit down. Bakura's door is closed, as are Akefia's. I hear a bit of crackling coming from Bakura though, it's his bed. He's still awake and watching his series or a movie, I guess.

I finish eating and wash up, then I knock at Bakura's door.

"Yeah."

I go inside, it's dark. Bakura is watching something, having his headphones on. He still heard me knocking?

I undress and go under my covers. Hahh, what a day. I look over to Bakura, who's focused on his movie. How long does it go? I wanna talk to him.

He notices my staring and stops his movie. "Mh, it's time for Marik Springer, right!" He removes his headphones and lets them fall on the floor.

Marik Springer? "Huh, why Springer?" I mumble.

Bakura sits up and clicks on his laptop. "Like Jerry Springer. Yeah, wasn't very good that one," he mutters. He closes the laptop and hands it down to me.

I sit up and grab it, then put it away. The lights are still on, it takes time to shut down.  
I'm tired and roll onto my side, facing Bakura.

He breathes loudly and looks down at me. "No complaining?"

"Hm?"

"No comments? No random questions about kissing girls?"

I laugh. "Wait, I just laid down. Give me time to think about something!"

He chuckles. Mm, so cute this little laugh he makes. Everything's just so cute about him.

"Okay, I got one," I say.

He sighs. "I'm ready."

"Why did you let me sleep on your bed in my break time?"

He looks up at the ceiling. "Well, you were silent. Why would I destroy that opportunity and wake you up?"

Mh, okay. He won't tell me he likes me today, I gotta give it up. I sigh inwardly and close my eyes. I know actions are more important than words but it still hurts a bit when he always finds excuses for those kind of actions. I shift my position, finding a more comfortable one.

"That's all?"

I open my eyes again. "I guess." I can't see his face from my new position, but I can tell he's still on his back. He's in talkative mood. "It's weird to me that you never talked much with Jaden."

"Why. I don't talk much with Akefia either."

"That's weird too."

He huffs. "Would _you_ talk to this asshole?"

I shrug. "I would try to."

"What makes you think I didn't," he mutters.

I don't reply, feeling a bit bad. He surely tried. I shouldn't be so above it all. "There were days I hardly talked to my Dad," I say.

"Mh," is all he gives me back. Right, bad topic. It's a wonder he let me say as much as I did. I'm frowning, thinking of a new topic, when Bakura picks up the old one: "There's one difference though."

"Hm?" What is he talking about?

"Jaden never liked me."

Oh? "Why not?" I ask surprised. Jaden, the nice helpful Jaden, didn't like somebody? That sounds unreal. "Why didn't he like you?"

Bakura chuckles. "Cause I'm not exactly a nice person? Is this a serious question?"

I laugh. "Mm, nah. You're actually pretty cute if one gets to know you."

I hear him move, rolling over to one of his sides. "Ughh," he sighs, his voice being a bit closer than before. "Sounds like someone needs to get kicked out."

I lift my head to see his face. "You're not serious, are you?" I ask. I cannot tell by his voice if he is. Those few times where he made me go upstairs into my cold room because of something minor come back into my mind. Please no.

He shrugs and grins. Okay, he's not serious.

"Hey, that's not funny," I mumble. "If you're going to be mean afterwards anyways, than you should stop being nice in the first place!"

He chuckles. "Why do you let me throw you out anyways, you're stronger than me."

"It's still your room," I answer seriously and he blinks.

"Hm."

What is he thinking? He won't tell me anyways. "So... Jaden never liked you? Huh."

He shakes his head, not being surprised or shocked or anything because of that fact. As if it's the default for him that people don't like him. "But you seem to be good friends with him, right?" he asks.

"Mm, not as close as we two are," I say, giving Bakura a grin, "but yeah, we're friends."

He grins back, but drops it quickly again, looking somewhat... sad? He sighs. "So... Any other questions? If not, I'm done for the day."

"Hmm..." Ahh, think of a question, think of a question! "Yeah, maybe this one," I say, before I actually have something to ask, I just want to buy time.

Bakura claps his hands together and looks up. "Dear Jesus, Buddha, Satan and Santa Clause: Let it be a yes-or-no question!"

I chuckle. He's good with those random jokes. "Nah, I'm sorry, not a yes-or-no question. Why do you have two mattresses? Did you always have them or did you buy one after Jaden came living with you? ...or after his heater began to break?"

He frowns, still looking up. "Yyyes."

"Bakura!" I laugh.

"Okay!" He looks back at me, his arm under his head. "I have two," he begins, talking slowly, "because I used to have... friends coming over." He looks at me, waits for me to react. He knows I'm not dumb, I do know what 'friends' means.  
But wait, what does that have to do with the mattresses? Do you need two to have sex...? You don't, so... huh?

"Oh," I say, a bit too quickly. I have to add something more. "Okay." Good job, Marik. But what can I say to this? I look away.

"Yeah," he replies. "Can't have them coming over now, obviously," he murmurs.

I look up. "Because of me?"

He nods.

I don't know what to say. I can't say I'm sorry, because I am not. And I don't get it anyways.

"But it's fine, I rarely invited somebody over here anyways," he mutters. He looks at me and I look back.

I open my mouth and he raises his eyebrows, telling me he's ready for the next question. I close my mouth again. I'm confused. _Why_ two mattresses?

"What's the matter?" he sighs. He turns on his back. "May I sleep now, Mr. Wants-to-know-it-all?"

It's so much easier to talk about such things when he isn't looking at me. "Bakura, I don't get it. What does the mattress have to do with you inviting your friends over?" Or wait, does he actually mean friends, who would stay over...?

He grunts. "With friends I mean my... well, lovers." Plural, great. "We can't fuck on my bed because it makes sounds if you just move from one side to the other, so if we were to fuck up here..." He turns around, facing me again. The bed cracks as if it wanted to demonstrate what Bakura just explained. "Well, listen." He pushes his flat hand down against the mattress, then releasing it again, then repeats the motion, again and again, making the bed squeak in a fast rhythm: _squeak, squeak, squeak!_ I feel like I am listening to some bad 80s porn!

"Okay, stop!" I say loudly. "I get it now. So you got the second mattress to have sex on the floor, I get it!"

He chuckles. "Right." A pause. "Good night?"

"Good night," I murmur.

He shifts on his bed, making it crack some more. It's a pretty loud bed, I wonder if he somehow damaged it some time ago. He falls asleep quickly, breathing loudly.  
I don't dare to move.

So Bakura actually had sex on the very mattress I am touching cheeks with? Okay, I use a cover over it and he did surely too. But still! He had sex on it and now I'm sleeping on it!

It's so weird to picture it. I still hadn't had sex and picturing people I know having it seems so strange. It's like a secret society with weird rules and I am not invited to it. As soon as I know that somebody had had sex in his life, I feel inferior to that person, and kind of ashamed of myself.

Did Bakura... come on the mattress? Or his...partner? Friend. Lover. Whatever. Are there stains? I thought I would smell that, I mean, every guy who masturbates at least once knows how semen smells like, so I thought I would know if he had sex recently. But in reality, I have no idea. When he comes back home he could have been at K. or some other lover or just visiting Zorc or Joey. I have no idea!

I still don't know him well enough and he's giving me a hard time, making it difficult to get to know him.

And I want to know him so bad.

* * *

 **A/N: Sorry and Thank you, EyeDen47 :)**


	21. Day 61: Tears

**Day 61**

* * *

 _2/20/2016 - Sunday_

* * *

I made a friend on Tumblr. I rarely talk to people over there but suddenly this girl messaged me, asking me something about workouts and we started messaging each other back and forth. She assumed I was a girl too at first. 'GoldenCagedBird' sounds too girly? Oh well, whatever. She seems very nice. I'm glad I have her as a friend.

I sit at my desk. There's the mailman downstairs again. He's pushing letters in the Kulelna's mail box. Literally pushing with force. I guess the thing is full?

No sounds coming from below. I woke up at noon and sneaked out; Bakura was still sleeping. Well, it's Sunday, at least he won't miss any school today.

Ishizu and I chat, then I play Candy Crush, then I check Tumblr, then I answer Ishizu, play Candy Crush, check Tumblr - it's a circle of internet addiction.

* * *

At two, I go downstairs to eat. I find Bakura in the kitchen, cooking rice, looking half-dead. His hair is messy, he has no socks on, but oversized, black joggers. Never saw them before. Are they new? It's weird, I constantly see new clothes on him, but I wouldn't thought of him as the type who goes shopping so often.

"Mmh," is his greeting, as he sees me.

"Morning," I chuckle. "You okay?"

"No," he grunts, preparing the small blue pot with the towel.

"Why not?" I ask, stepping closer.

He doesn't reply, but sits down at the table, letting the rice cook. The towel will soak up the vapor coming up. I forgot the other rice-cooking instructions though, dammit.

"Bakura." I go to him and stand besides him, waiting for him to look up.

"What." He doesn't look up.

"What is wrong?" I ask.

He looks up, frowning. "Why? What happened?"

"I asked you if you're okay, and you said no."

He frowns harder and looks away. "Fuck off, will you."

Hashtag #badmood; Hashtag #Bakura. "Fine!" I sigh. Don't tell me. It's stupid, he always says he's not okay, when I ask him. I move away and open the fridge, but I don't even know why. It's always empty anyways, safe for beer. Oh no, there's actually some cheese. "Bakura."

"What."

"Do you have bread? Can I have some?"

"Just the bread?" he asks slowly.

"Aaand some cheese? Please?"

"Mh, if you'll be quiet then."

"Yes!"

"And don't make me a second one, alright," he chuckles.

"Oh, never," I respond.

* * *

I make myself a cheese sandwich, he continues with his rice. We sit down in silence, eating our food. Bakura literally just eats his rice, nothing more. Probably tastes as bland as it looks. His rice is the best I have ever eaten, but for breakfast? Nah. With nothing else on top or as side? Double nah.

I want to say something. But I don't even wish him a good appetite. His mood seems too bad. I'd rather not risk anything.

It's exhausting though! How can you sit with somebody at the same table and constantly avoid their gaze?! It's hard, I tell you! He's right in front of me, chewing, being cute and gloomy and I can't say anything, can't make him look at me, can't make him listen to me.

I so hope his mood will change at the end of the day.

* * *

What shall I write about today, it's just a boring day. I work out, I shower, I go to work. There's Katherine, there's Anzu, there's Mai and there's Mahad. Same old, same old. In my break I head upstairs. Bakura is watching something with his headphones on, so I can't talk to him. Mh. I chat and reblog and play, then go back downstairs.

Ever played The Sims? My mood meter for social interaction is as red as it can get. Sure, I talk to Mai and the others but it's not much and it's work related. We _have_ to talk to each other. The only uplifting thing is as Mai asks me if I'm okay. I shrug and tell her it's nothing much. What shall I tell her? That I feel lonely? That's too girly.

Eventually, the day is over and I go back upstairs.

Bakura is undressing. "You going out?" I ask, sighing. Great, not even a good-night talk before I fall asleep. This day belongs into the garbage can.

"Shut up," he hisses and motions to me to close the door. Right, Kefia shouldn't hear that. I close it. I get out of the hoodie I wore all day and let myself fall on my mattress, my face buried deep into my pillow. I hear Bakura opening and closing his closet, pulling at pants and sweaters. I wonder if he gives any thought on his clothing. Does he put on nice things for his lovers? Or doesn't it matter? They will take it off and be naked anyways, right.

"What's up?" he asks.

I look up. He's looking at himself in the mirror, arms crossed before his chest.

"What do you care," I huff.

"You're right, I don't," he replies. He sits on the bed and puts on shoes. He's not looking at me. His mood seems better now though, there's some kind of half-smile on his lips. Is he thinking of the guy he's about to go visit? My throat tightens. Why the fuck can't you just stay here and talk to _me_?

I realize that I am staring at him and look away. Where's my tablet. I have five lives on Candy Crush again, I shall play it.

Bakura stands up and puts on his coat. I feel him looking at me and glance up. The level I'm playing is hard and I give up after the first try. I'm not in the mood. I'm not in the mood for anything.

"Okay," Bakura says, "who are you and what have you done with Marik?"

I sigh and turn around to lay on my back, so I won't have to face him. "Just a stupid day, that is all."

"Let me guess: Anzu? Or maybe that other one, Katherine?"

"No."

"Not work related?"

"No."

"Hm."

I feel like I already told him too much. He'll figure out that I'm upset because of him and laugh at me. Well, it is stupid that I am mad because of that but I can't help it. I need him talking to me.

"I'm going out," he says.

"I noticed."

He snorts a chuckle. "Okay, what the heck is wrong with you?"

"Nothing."

Finally, he gets going, slides the window to the side and climbs out. Yeah go, can't stand you inside here any longer! He throws a look back at me but I don't acknowledge it. See, that's how it feels, Bakura! Just go and leave me alone. Never talk to me again, it's fine. We'll never be close, I might as well stop trying it!

He closes the window behind himself. The fire escape rattles, as he descends. Sigh, finally. I turn back on my belly and try that darn level again.

Bakura did it today again, didn't he? Was in a bad mood and pushed me away. He's just okay with seeing me when he needs me. How I hate that.

* * *

I hear voices from outside. One is Bakura's, the other is Kefia's.

I dash to the window, but I can't see them. I open the widow and stretch my head out, but I still can't see them, they are probably near the exit to the club. The voices are clear now:

"I talk to you how I want!" That's Bakura, with high-pitched anger in his voice.

"No, you _don't_." I hear movement during the last word. He slapped Kura. I breath out slowly.

"Fuck you! I wasn't even going where you thought I was, I'm just going to Zorc!" Even higher pitch, slightly shaking.

"You-"

"Not that it's any of your business!" Bakura shouts.

"It is my goddamn business! I am responsible for you! And you make me shake my head in shame by being a freak! You're a mistake!"

I hold my breath. I can't hear what Bakura is replying, his words are too low. I breathe in again. What is happening? Is Bakura sad or mad? How do his eyes look like now?

The metal stairs are shaking. He's coming up? I stretch out more. More shaking, steadily becoming stronger. Soon enough I see his white hair. "Bakura," I mumble.

His almost here, one floor below me. He rubs his hand over his eyes and paces upstairs.

I wonder if I should hide, pretend that I haven't heard or seen anything. Bakura was ignoring me the whole day, but now I just wanna hug him. I don't care if he's mad at me, I just want to be there for him.

He reached the floor and looks up, seeing me, eyes wet.

I gulp.

Bakura's face goes through different emotions within two seconds. At first, he raises his eyebrows and leans slightly back as he stops in his motions. But half a moment later, he picks up the pace and moves past the window, a hateful stare thrown at me. Then, his eyebrows bend and his eyes fill with tears and he pulls them away from me. He runs upstairs, the fire escape shakes hard.

I climb out, half-naked as I am and follow him.

* * *

My socks don't help much to protect my feet from getting cold. We're in the melting days of snow, so everything is slippery and wet. As I reach the roof, my socks are soaked. I rub my naked arms and peer cautiously over the fence.

Bakura is leaning against the one lamp he's always sitting at. His back turned to me to me, so he can't see him. I am not sure if I should approach him. He will shout at me, insulting me. Why did I come up after him? But I can't just go back inside, knowing he's up here, crying. Oh god, crying, imagine that: Bakura crying. No, it breaks my heart, I have to go to him and see him!

I climb over the fence gate. He turns his head shortly back to me, as he has heard me, then stands up. I rush to him, fearing he'll try to get away from me. "Bakura."

And that's exactly what he does. He steps to the edge of the roof, putting his hands on the guard rail, turning away from me.

I stand behind him, my arms stretched down, hands into fists. It's fucking cold. "Bakura," I say calmly. I don't dare to step before him, it's too intimate to see him crying, I know he'll turn away.

"What do you want?" he asks, sounding casual and relaxed. I bet he isn't. He reaches into his pocket to get his cigarettes.

Yeah, what do I want? How can I help him? "You know," I begin, "he didn't mean that."

There's a break in Bakura's movement. He puts a cigarette between his lips, then grabs the lighter. "Go back down, Marik." His voice is still calm, but this sentence had a dangerous edge. Like the silence before a storm. There's no talking now, he won't listen to me, he doesn't want to. It doesn't matter what I say, the next word will be wrong, doesn't matter which one it is.

"Okay," I whisper and nod. I watch him light up his cigarette, then turn around and walk back. I stop before the fence door and look back, see him wiping his hand over his face. Goddammit, I don't want to leave him alone.

I grab the fence and breathe out through my nose. I have to help him.

He looks back, lips pressed together. "Go away!" he shouts, his voice shaking.

I stare back, looking into his eyes. He turns his head away. "No!" I yell back. "I'm waiting here for you!"

"Marik, just go!" he answers loudly. "I want to be alone now, okay? So you heard what he said, didn't you?" Here, his voice gets a sarcastic touch. "Feeling all superior and empathetic, don't you? 'Aww, I just wanna help poor Bakura!'" He moves his head from side to side, mimicking my voice. "Don't you get that I want to be alone right now?"

"You always want to be alone," I mumble. I cross my arms before my chest and stare at the floor between my feet. I lift my toes up, there's dirt under my socks. Guess I can throw those away.

I stand there for a little while, but I realize that Bakura is right. If he wants to be alone, then I'll let him be alone.  
How often did I rush into my room because of Dad? Back then when he still tried to make me memorize every single homework task I had to do and I refused. When he accused me of not loving him, because I wanted to spend half an hour chatting to my school friends instead of playing board games with him. When he threw away my favorite earrings, because 'real men don't wear such things'.

I go back inside, change my socks and lie down on my mattress, staring at the ceiling.  
There's a difference between Bakura and me though: I would love to have somebody come after me and pull me into a hug when I was upset because of my father. Yeah, first I buried my face into my pillow and cried, but eventually I answered the door because Ishizu was knocking. She held me and she washed my face and told me how much she loved me.  
I miss her.

* * *

Half an hour later the fire escape makes its trademark sounds. I turn around on my belly, so I am not facing it, in case Bakura doesn't want me to see that he's been crying. I know he's been crying, and he knows that I know. But I still have to avoid his eyes for a while.

Maybe you don't understand this one. In the world of boys and men, crying is _the_ one unmanliest thing a male person can do. Men simply don't shed tears. First of all, we really cry less than women, because we're emotionally more stable. But we're still human, so we still have emotions, so naturally, sometimes we will cry.  
I actually cry pretty often. Maybe it's because I am gay, or maybe because I'm a loser, but I do whine and whimper more than other guys, or so I think. I never cried in front of anybody else except for my family. The last few years I only cried in front of Ishizu. My Dad would call me 'girly' if I cried with him seeing it.

So there's this constant shame we feel when we are crying. Men can never cry without it, it's linked to the act. We can't have anybody think we're weak. It's so strong that when we see another male cry, we feel ashamed too. It's second hand shame.

So I stay on my stomach and try the Candy Crush level for the third time. I can't concentrate on it though, because my mind is with Bakura.

He doesn't undress but lies down with his coat under his covers. He pulls his shoes off of his feet without using his hands. They plop onto the ground next to me. I only dare to look up after he stopped moving. Of course he is turned away from me.

There's nothing I can say, without him getting angry at me, is there? I finish my game and lose of course, I wasn't paying attention anyways.

He's breathing slowly through his nose, sometimes sniffling a bit. Silent crying? With me in the same room? I hold my breath to listen better.

His breath is shaking ever so slightly. He's not moving one bit; his coat hanging out from between the covers, his hair a mess. His frame is so small. If he were to pull the covers over his head you wouldn't be sure if there's somebody lying there.

 _You're a mistake._

My Dad said things like that too. Not that in those words, not so sharp. But similar. 'A man is useless if he cannot provide for his wife and children' in which he mostly spoke about himself. 'Every man has to plant a seed on earth and in earth.' which means you gotta have at least one child with a woman and plant one tree or you're useless.

I stare at my tablet, the colorful shapes of my game blinking at me. _Play!_

Bakura starts moving. He's huffing, pushing air through his nose. He turns around and pulls the cover over his head. One of his legs is over the cover. He breathes loudly. He grunts. "Fuck."

I look down as he removes the covers. Better not meeting his eyes. He's huffing and grunting as he undresses. His coat lands on the floor, in front of me. I twitch in surprise but suppress any sound.

More huffing, then his sweater follows. The bed squeaks and creaks, he's turning. A sigh. A sniffle. "Marik."

I freeze. "Yes," I reply softly.

"Can you go upstairs for a moment?"

"Why?"

"Just go upstairs for a moment!"

"Okay."

"Wanna be alone for a bit."

"Alright." I move, grab a blanket and my tablet - my gaze constantly on the ground - and step to the door. I turn back to him, now looking at the back of his head. "For how long?"

"...ten minutes. - No, fifteen. Okay? Please."

"Yeah. Sure," I whisper.

"...thank you."

I nod and leave the room.

* * *

My room is cold. It feels strange to be up here at this hour. I got so used to Bakura's room, I'm never upstairs at this hour. I try the level for the fourth time, and without much effort, I almost win. Almost. I'm three moves short.

Yeah, sometimes you get lucky, sometimes you get bad luck. Bakura not wanting me to be there for him, doesn't mean he doesn't like me. Of course he wants to be alone for now. I will be there for him if he needs me, not because I want him to need me.  
I have one life left and use it, but I lose again. Oh well, next time.

I go back downstairs after twenty minutes, finding Bakura fully dressed again, putting on shoes. His eyes are small. "You're going out?" I ask low, closing the door.

He nods.

"Where?" I sit down on my bed, he turns away.

"To Zorc." He stands up.

I nod. "Have fun... Uh, I mean, you know, good luck, ah, no, um..." What the fuck am I babbling about here? "Er, all the best! ...in your life. - Not that we won't see each other ever again, no, I just-"

"Okay!" Bakura chuckles, turning to me. "Thanks."

I close the window behind him. It's almost four. I'm tired.

Hopefully he'll have a nice evening with Zorc and will laugh lots and forget about what Kefia said to him today. I really wish him just the best.

I fall asleep fast.


	22. Day 62: Someone else

**Day 62**

* * *

_2/21/2016 - Monday_

* * *

My friend's name on Tumblr is Vanessa. I told her my real name as well.

Ishizu wrote me that Rishid has time and will call me today! I told her that it's my free day so he can call whenever he wants. She said he'll call around five, maybe half past, she'll tell me when he'll know.

Ahh, I'm excited! I miss Rishid, oh how I miss him! I miss them both, I even miss Dad! I miss waking up in my room, hearing Ishizu or Dad cook something, eat with them, be annoyed and fight a little bit, plan for the day, listen to their problems and tell them about mine. And whatever happened during the day, I know I will come back into our warm home and see them again and be welcomed and loved.

Bakura grunts.

I'm still in my bed, the tablet in my hands. It's almost 1 pm and Bakura is waking up. He rolls to his other side and groans some more. Mm, cute. Not going to school again, right? He missed a lot of school this week. Maybe he's pretending to be still ill.

* * *

Ten past five Rishid will call, Ishizu tells me. Ahh, I can't wait!

I eat, workout, shower and go outside for a walk.

It's half past four when I come back, walking through the backyard. All doors are closed, there's no naked girl dance tonight. Hah, I could have more free days like this! I remember the mail box, that seemed to be bursting. Hmm.

I go upstairs, peer through Bakura's window. The curtains are closed. I knock at the glass but he doesn't open. I go upstairs to my room, then go downstairs by the other staircase and into the Kulelna's apartment. Bakura sits in the kitchen, eating his rice. Mmm, I could eat some too.

He's in shorts and shirt, hair uncombed. He nods at me.

"Good morning," I say. "Or rather good afternoon. You just got up?"

He shrugs. Bad mood? He doesn't look at me, but is in thoughts. Is he thinking about yesterday?

How sad that is. There's no joy for him to get home, because no one waits for him. No one greets him and made food for him. He has to provide for himself, has to be alone all the time. In his small room. No wonder he sneaks out. Why stay here?

Bakura looks up. "You okay?"

I must have made a sad face. "Yes!" I grin. "Rishid will call in half an hour! I haven't talked to him for months!"

He smiles and nods and I drop my grin. Ow, I'm such an idiot! Why the heck do I keep telling him about Ishizu and Rishid, no wonder he's angry with me. I tell him about my wonderful family which he never will have! Probably. No. No, wrong! We're friends, I'll help him!

I ask him for rice and he allows it. I sit down at the table and look at him, thinking of something to say, something that will give him hope.

"Yeah, I'm pretty, but please stop staring," he mumbles.

I grin and start eating.

We eat in silence because he's not talking of course and I can't figure out anything meaningful to say. Telling him 'I'm always there for you' won't help. I have to show him that I will always be there for him. But how.

Then something remarkable happens: Bakura searches for eye contact with me, he wants to tell me something. I look up and smile. "Yes?"

"Mm, maybe... If you're free for tonight," he says slowly, "we can watch a movie together?"

I nod strongly. "Oh yeah, gladly!" I say a bit too loud.

He laughs.

* * *

There's still time before Rishid calls, so I ask Bakura for the mail box keys.

"What's with you and our mail?" Bakura chuckles, but gives me his key ring. His expression changes. "You didn't told your fam where you live, did you?"

I shake my head. "No! No, it just appears that the mail box is full for whatever reason so I'd like to get everything out, before the mail man stops bringing you new mail."

Bakura laughs dryly. "Big mighty Marik, always in worry for the small man," he mutters and turns away.

I look up at him. Yeah, you think I am untouched by all this, don't you? But just wait, I'll get you out of here, somehow.

The mail box bursts open the second I unlock the little boxes door. Lots of letters and postcards and ads - so many ads! - fall on the floor and I crouch down to collect them. While doing so, I notice that all the letters and postcards are addressed at Akefia. Lots of flowery and colorful postcards for him; six, to be precisely. 'Happy Birthday' they say. Plus four letters.

* * *

It's hard not to read the postcards. The words are just right there, under my fingertips! Important information like _when_ it was written and by _whom_. Who wrote them? Who are those six plus four people? Relatives of Kefia? Parents, siblings, friends? From where? And which words did they use, were they friendly and wished him well, or did they just used some standard wishes?

The postcard I accidentally - I swear it was accidentally - read, had just three words on it: 'Happy Birthday', then a line and the name 'Isabelle' under it. A woman? Bakura's mom maybe? But no, Isabelle doesn't sound Japanese and Bakura told me his Mom is Japanese, so it can't be from her.

I am back upstairs and only now I realize that bringing the letters up was a stupid idea. Where to put them now? Kefia will be mad and Bakura -

"Hey," he says from his room. "So? Was there anything?"

What do I say? I don't want to lie to him. "Nothing for you," I reply. "Just like ten letters for Kefia."

"Ten?" comes his surprised reply.

"Yeah, weird, huh." I move to the kitchen and think of leaving the mail there, Kefia will find them sooner or later, but no. Bakura will find them too. "Um," I say to Bakura. "I just bring them over to Kefia?"

"Yeah, good luck," he laughs.

I gulp. I pass Bakura's room, he's playing PlayStation. I knock at Akefia's room, but there's no answer.

"He's out, dummy. What do you think I leave my door open for?" says Bakura.

I turn to him. "I don't know actually. Why do you leave it open when he's away?"

He shrugs. "To get some fresh air."

My poor baby. What is this place, it's not a home when you can't even leave your room open for your family.

In the end I stack the mail up into a small pile next to Kefia's door. Hopefully, he won't get mad.

* * *

I wait in Bakura's room until it's five past five, then I head down. It's a bit eerie because it's dark and silent. I don't switch on any lights, but open the exit door for some daylight. I sit down at the table and wait for the ring. It's so weird to not hear anything down here. No loud music, no girls, no drunk guys.

The phone rings and I pick it up. "Rishid?"

A small cough. "Yes. Marik, is it you?"

"Yeah, it's me!" I beam. "How are you?"

"I'm good," he says. I can hear him smile. "How about you?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you being honest?"

What's that kind of a question? "Yes," I reply, "I am fine."

"You don't want to come back?"

"No, I don't want to come back," I say slowly. What is this, an interrogation? Rishid is the most adult one between us three siblings and this attitude - this 'knowing everything better because I'm older' thing - it annoys me. He can be like Dad sometimes. Putting priorities in the wrong order.

"Good. But you know, you can always come back. Whenever you want."

"Yeah, I know," I mumble. Five seconds into this conversation and he already tries to lure me back in. "Thank you, Rishid," I say louder. He does mean it good though.

He nods. - Yeah I can't see if he nods, but I can tell, I know him very well and I just know he nodded. "You're welcome."

"So how's Dad?"

He sighs. "He's better now. He stopped talking for a week now, and just sits in his room all day. Well, as far as I know." Right, Dad is all alone now. And so suddenly. Ishizu's gone, I am gone. Rishid isn't much at home to begin with. Dad used to have three kids and a wife, everything was loud and packed full with family life and now suddenly he is all alone in his big quiet house.

I feel bad. I sigh back. "Mh, you know, I _could_ come down for a visit..."

Rishid is silent. Something is on his mind.

"I could," I whisper.

"If you would come to visit hi- _us_... I-I don't say it is not a good thing, I would like to see you again and Dad would be, you know," Oh _how_ I know... "overjoyed," And wouldn't let me go again... "but..." ...would make me stay inside the house for ' _just one night_ ' and I would stay, or no, actually not, cause I _have_ to work, otherwise Kefia will kill Jaden or something, so I would uh, well still stay home but wait til he went to sleep and sneak out -

How I hate this. All this sneaking around and doing things in secret, always in fear that Dad might get angry. I can feel Bakura there. I understand how it is. And mine is still the better one, because at least he doesn't use physical violence on me.

"You're right," I tell Rishid. "Going for a visit... I don't know..."

"You brought it up," he chuckles.

"I know! I know. It's just that I sometimes forget how he is." My voice drops in volume. "Sometimes I remember just the good stuff. And there has been good stuff, no doubt. But-"

"I know," he says.

I hold my breath. Rishid is agreeing with me?

"He can wear one out."

"Yeah..."

"I forgot how it used to be," Rishid says. "I took a week off after you and Ishizu... went away." You wanted to use a different word, right? Not 'went away' but ' _run_ away', eh? "I've been so rarely at home, I simply forgot how it was with him. But this week..."

I let out a chortle. "See? You've been out so much, so he got used to nag on us and now that we're gone...!"

"Yeah, yeah, he let it all out on me."

"See? Oh, see? Tell me again he isn't overprotective and demanding!"

Rishid clears his throat. "Once he got angry because I've been leaning out of the window. He said I shouldn't stick out my head so much, some criminal might run up and cut my head off."

We burst out in laughter.

* * *

When I come back upstairs, Bakura's door is closed. Is Kefia back? I don't hear anything while standing in the hall. The pile of postcards and letters is still next to Kefia's door, so he isn't back yet, it seems.

I go to Bakura's door and knock. "Hey."

"Come in." I do. Bakura is watching his series on his bed, while munching potato chips.

"Why is your door closed? Is Kefia back?"

"Not yet."

I move to him and he scoots to the side, making room... for me. Heh. I sit next to him. He's watching Flash or Arrow, I can never tell.

He stops the playback and looks at me. "Why did you get the mail?" There are crumbs on his lips.

This again? "Huh? I told you, it was about to burst."

He looks straight in front of himself again and frowns. "Mh. You sure?"

"Yeah. Why would I lie to you? What other reason could I even have?"

"So you didn't look at the postcards?"

"Um..."

He throws his eyes back on me, and I lean a bit back. "Yes?"

"Yeah, I looked at them." I shrug. "But by accident. It's not like you _cannot_ read something that's right in front of your eyes!"

He pouts and looks away again. Those crumbs. I would like to kiss them away. "So you did not got the mail because of... his birthday."

I shake my head. "No, I had no idea. They fell on the ground and I picked them up, so I read one of them, by accident though! It just said 'Happy Birthday', so... that's that."

He's silent, frowning hard.

"Not like I wouldn't had liked to read them," I mumble.

He doesn't move his head, but his eyes jump on me, his frown vanished.

"But that wouldn't be right, so I didn't."

He nods.

I try to smile at him and he notices and glances at me. "Fine," he sighs. "Sorry about that."

"It's fine," I mutter and get up. "Can I have some cornflakes?"

"Hm, we could get out and get something better, if you want." He looks up at me.

I look back. "Pizza?"

He grins.

* * *

He gets dressed and we go outside. Eating pizza every second day isn't the best idea if you want to get in shape. All that fat is lying over your muscles and covers up your muscles. But what can I say, it makes me happy when Bakura feeds me.

"I don't get what you thought I had in mind with the mail," I start as we're on the street.

"Hm?" He looks at me.

"What did you think was my... play, or dunno, I don't actually get why you were mad."

He shrugs. "I thought you knew when his birthday was and wanted to make sure he got his stupid postcards."

I blink. "Huh, but how would I have known his birthday? I just know now _because_ of the postcards." He's got a small pout on his lips and again I notice the crumbs. Woops, I should probably tell him. "I don't even know the exact date of his birthday, just that it is probably over now," I chuckle. "And I don't care, and hey," I tap his arm, "you've got something on your mouth, the chips or something."

He slows down his steps and wipes his mouth. "Mh, thanks. Yeah, I don't know what came over me, it's stupid, yeah."

It really is. Besides, he only started questioning me about it after I went downstairs to phone with Rishid. Which suggests that he got up and looked at the postcards himself. Doesn't he know his father's birthday? Or doesn't he care? Doesn't he make him a present? Don't they go out and celebrate?

I guess the answer to most if not all questions is no.

We walk in silence to the 'Pizza Place', crossing several streets. Bakura never minds the red lights, he just walks over, sometimes barely avoiding to get hit by a car. I make sure to stay close to him. I wouldn't have the guts to do this, I would probably just stand still, frozen in shock, while a car came right at me.

There's a small line of customers waiting, seven people maybe. "So what do you want?" Bakura asks, as we stand behind the last person.

"Hm, cheese. Or maybe salami."

He nods. "I get the anchovies then."

"Bleh, how can you eat that." I stick my tongue out.

He chuckles. "So you," his voice gets lower, "don't care about Kefia?"

"Hm, no, I mean, not really," I mutter. "Why?"

"Do you, or don't you?"

I don't get this. What's with him and his father today? Since when does he care what I think? "I care about him as much as I care about anyone else, I guess," I say, shrugging. "I can't say I like him, but I don't want him to drop dead because of that."

"So you do care for him?" Bakura asks, sounding confused.

I shrug. "I care for everybody."

He raises an eyebrow and looks away. "You can't care about everybody," he mumbles.

"Why, I care about every human. And animal for that matter."

"Yeah, that's why you're about to buy salami pizza," he snorts.

I frown at him. "Yeah, well-"

"Okay, let's not start the veggie debate." Bakura shakes his head. "I understand what you're trying to say: That everybody is equally important and deserves love, yadda yadda, but I'm just trying to be real here and want to know if you _actually_ care about Akefia."

"What, and I'm unreal?" I reply.

He sighs. "You don't get it."

"Yeah, I don't."

It's our turn. We step inside after the customers before us leave the place and order a cheese and an anchovy pizza. I don't dare to buy salami.

* * *

We walk back, Bakura carrying one pizza box and I the other.

"Why do you care if I care about Kefia anyways?" I ask.

He shrugs. "I don't."

"Ugh, sure. So much for being 'real'. Then why do you ask? I don't get it."

He breathes out loudly and doesn't give me an answer.

I don't want to press him, so I change the topic, telling him about my phone call with Rishid. I am not sure if he's listening, because he doesn't look at me. Yet he walks slower, so I can walk next to him.

"...aand then he told me how he stuck his head out of the window and Dad was worried someone might come and attack him. Pff!" I finish. "As if that would happen! I doubt it would happen here in the city, why would it happen back home in the quietest alley of all, where everybody goes to sleep at 9 pm!" I chuckle a bit, let my gaze linger on Bakura a bit. He doesn't react at all, just blinks, looking straight ahead. I pick up the pace.

"Mh," Bakura sounds.

I walk slower and let him catch up.

"It's weird with you and your siblings," he says.

"Huh, why?"

"Everybody I know hates their brothers and sisters. But you three seem to get along well."

I nod. "Yeah. What's your point?"

We reached our backyard and climb up the fire escape, which is a bit loud, so we fall into silence. When we're inside Bakura's room, we undress. Bakura sits down on his bed and begins to munch the pizza, not waiting for me. He's still got his shoes on, too.

"Hey," I say, throwing my jacket on my bed. "You're hungry, eh?"

He shrugs, his mouth being full.

I remove my boots, then open my pizza box as well. Ahh, that smell. "So," I pick one piece out, "what did you try to tell me?"

He shakes his head, still chewing.

I blow on my pizza. "About my siblings. You said we're weird for getting along."

He gulps. "No, that's all. I was just wondering. I don't have siblings so I can't say I understand why you would or wouldn't get along, but..." His eyes wander off, fixing one spot of the wall. "Hm, well maybe you're getting along so well because of your father."

"What d'you mean?"

"You have him as common enemy, so to speak," he says slowly. "So you teamed up." He takes another bite.

I nod. "Yeah, I guess." It does sound right. Huh, Bakura is clever. I never gave it much of a thought, but yeah, the other kids in my school hated their siblings. My ex, Sarah, she couldn't stand her older brother and constantly fought with him.

Bakura shrugs and looks away. "Just some stupid thought of me," he mumbles.

I smile at him. "No, you're right. It does make a lot of sense. When I was little, Rishid was more of a father to me than Dad was. So..." Bakura throws his gaze on me. "Yeah."

"Hm."

I look down, taking my next piece of pizza.

"I guess I would be the same then," he murmurs, reaching into his box as well. I bite into my piece and watch him. "If I had a brother or a sister, I would like them more than Akefia." He looks at his pizza. "Not that it's particular hard to like someone more than him. I don't understand how he can live with himself." The last few words are just a whisper. I actually stop chewing so I can hear what Bakura says. "How can he... be like this and still..." He doesn't finish his sentence.

Is it about yesterday? Fuck, sure it's about yesterday! Bakura actually cried.  
I am staring at him and he looks up because he noticed, so I look down and bite into my pizza piece. Damn, what do I say? I chew quickly and gulp. "Bakura, I -"

He stares at me and I stare back.

"I-I like you," I stutter.

Great, what did I say this for? He knows it, I know it, it won't console him in any way. Besides, it seems a little desperate, as if I was trying to make a move on him. Gahhh!

Bakura looks bewildered for a moment, then he cracks up. He starts laughing, lets his head fall and shakes it, then looks up at me again. Well... At least he's feeling a bit better now, right?

"You're such an idiot," he says slowly. "Why would you think that was the right moment to flirt with me? Plus, in such a stupid way!"

"I wasn't flirting with you!" I hiss, feeling the heat rising on my face. "I was trying to make you feel better!"

"Yeah, cause knowing you like me oh-so-much will make me feel better, mhm, sure, yes." He nods his head in short movements.

I groan and look away.

* * *

We finish eating. It's still early and Bakura says he wants to start our movie marathon. I didn't know we would watch more than one, but I happily oblige. Nothing's better than spending time with Bakura!

So he starts his laptop and we lie down on his bed, next to each other. Hah. I can feel his movements, hear his breath and smell him, also it's warm and comfy in here. Just let me stay here forever.

"What are you in the mood for?" he asks quietly. Another plus of being so close to him; he speaks lower and I like that.

I shrug. "I don't care. Something funny maybe."

"Funny? You mean like a comedy?" He frowns.

"Yeah. What's wrong with that?"

"I can't stand such movies."

I pout. "Fine. Then I don't know, you decide."

"What about..." He starts Firefox and waits for it to react. We stare at the screen, while Bakura is chewing on his lip, thinking of something. "You don't like scary movies, do you?"

"Not really. But last time we watched one, I don't know, I guess it wasn't that bad."

"So that's a yes?"

I nod.

He puts on a movie called 'The Conjuring'. I think I heard of that before. I heard people saying that it was frigging creepy. Great. But no, I mean it, it is great to watch those with Bakura. It's frightening but I'm not alone, so it makes fun.

A while later into the movie there's this one creepy scene in the cellar... Those who saw this movie will know what I'm talking about. It creeps me out and I shriek and grab Bakura's arm. He laughs and doesn't move, but keeps watching. The scene ends and I let go of him.

After the movie I'm a bit creeped out and tell Bakura I don't want to watch another horror flick. He seems a bit disappointed but says I can chose the next one. I have to go to the bathroom though, so I leave the room.

* * *

As I come back, I hear him talking. He's on the phone. Oh no. Is it one of his lovers calling?

I sneak into the room, but Bakura heard me and turns around in his bed, glancing at me. "No, I don't," he says into his mobile. "Not really. I mean, no, not at all, uh..."

I go over but sit down on my mattress. He smacks his lips and opens his mouth to say something, but the person on the other line interrupts him, so he sighs into his phone. "Yeah, sure, you are," he mumbles. "Okay, look, I can't tonight, alright? We'll see each other another time." It's nice to see him being annoyed at someone else than me for a change. He listens to his conversation partner while nodding, then tells him goodbye and hangs up.

He moves his head towards me. "Come back up. I found a few other ones you might like to see."

I blink and nod. Heh. I get up and climb back next to him into his warm bed. He refused to visit one of his lovers to spend time with me, is that right? I think I am grinning. I bite my lip and glance to him.

He's busy scrolling. "Here, what about this one?"

We watch another movie called 'Gone Girl'. It's a crime thriller or whatever you might call it. It starts out slow, very slow, but then it catches up and ends amazingly. No, I'm not being payed by some movie company, even if I sound like I am. Bakura just has a pretty good taste in movies.

By the end of it, it's getting late and I'm hungry again. Also my body hurts from laying silently in one position. In my own bed I would toss around and shift positions, but with so little space in Bakura's bed, I can't, and he can't either. We decide to make a break and get something to eat.

* * *

Bakura makes himself a canned soup and lets me have the rest of the rice along with canned beans.

He's weirdly silent during the meal. Well, he never says much when we're eating together, but this time he seems to be even deeper in thoughts.

"Are you okay?" I ask, watching him.

He looks up. "No." He looks down at his spoon and blows on it.

Come to think of it, he always give me a 'no' as answer when I ask him if he's okay. Other people would say yes, even though they feel terrible. It's just normal to act nice. But Bakura never says yes, as if it's on purpose.

"How can I help you?"

He looks up again, this time visibly annoyed. "You can't," he says sharply.

Mhh. Fine.  
We continue eating for a while. I think of something to say, but can only come up with stupid things. Oh well then, I'll go with the stupid things: "You know who Isabelle is?"

"What?"

"One of the postcards for Akefia was from someone named Isabelle."

He was about to put a spoonful of soup into his mouth, but let's it sink. "So you did read them."

"No, just that one by accident!"

He frowns. "I have no idea who Isabelle is," he says between his teeth, "and I don't care!"

I shrug. "Okay."

A few more couple minutes of silence, before I find something new: "Who called you?"

Bakura's eyes are angry. "No one." His gaze lingers on me for a split second too long. He was thinking of something, or wondering about something...

He looks kinda nervous, no, worried. Worried, that I might find it out without him telling me -

Oh. 'K.' called him.

Bakura continues eating, while I stare at him. K. He called Bakura and asked him to come over but Bakura said no, because of me. I should feel proud, but it just feels weird. I don't want him to see anybody else but me.

We finish our meals and Bakura hands me the plates and cutlery and I wash them up. I feel him watching me, but I don't react.

I put the cleaned glass on the tray and turn around, grabbing the last dish Bakura hands me, mumbling "thanks", to which he gives me a nod and looks away. I clean it in silence while he stands besides me, his eyes wandering around the walls.

There, it's back, isn't it? This weird feeling, this awkwardness between us. Why?

* * *

We go back into his room and Bakura falls onto his bed. "I'm not really in the mood for another movie," he confesses.

"Yeah," I reply, crossing my arms before my chest, "too much sitting."

He chuckles and sits up. "What d'you wanna do instead?"

Kiss you. I shake my head. "Don't know. What are you doing when you visit your friends?" He darts his eyes on me, looking amused. "I-I mean with Zorc and the like," I add, looking away. Stupid, I don't wanna talk about this with him!

He stands up and moves to me, the amusement still on his lips. "You would like to do that with me, wouldn't you," he murmurs. He's close. Too close.

I take a step back, arms pressed against my chest. He moves closer in still, he's in my face, almost touching me. "I don't know what you're talking about!"

"You wouldn't know what to do with me," he whispers, smugly grinning, those eyes seeing every flinch of me.

I am standing still now, not gonna move further back anymore, and glare at him, chuckling. "Heh, what..." God, where's my brain, I can't think straight. He's too close. I could count his eyelashes, can smell his breath. I lean slightly back and he comes closer still! I lose my balance and have to take another step back, dammit!

He flashes a toothy grin, then suddenly turns. He returns to his bed and lets himself fall on his stomach, sighing.

I take a deep breath. My brain is back. "Well, you can show me," I say. I know it's a late reply. Argh, ' _teach_ me', 'you can teach me' instead of 'show me' would have been a better reply, goddammit!

"Nope," comes the muffled answer.

I don't want to pursue this topic any further. What's gotten suddenly in his head that he's flirting with me like that? I move to him, cautiously. "So, no movie?" I ask low. Not that the flirting wasn't fun, but he caught me unprepared.

"Mh."

I sit down on my mattress. He's lying on his stomach and looks at me, smiling a bit. I look away, snorting. "So what are we gonna do?" I ask.

He sits up. "I don't know what you're gonna do, but I will game a bit." He pushes himself off the bed, and crawls to his TV, turning it on. "You can watch me or whatever."

* * *

We sit on my mattress, use his bed as backrest and play Final Fantasy. Well, he plays, I just watch. His character is in a city and has to fulfill quests, talk to NPCs and so on. It gets a bit boring at times.

At least the awkwardness is away. Weird, either we're awkward around each other, or tense. And it's mostly his fault, he's the one behaving weird. As if he's hiding something from me. Well, okay, he hides a lot.

Finally he's done in the city and moves into the desert, where you can be attacked by monsters. Bakura runs into the monsters on purpose, to get skill points, so he can level up his characters. I make myself a sandwich.

It's midnight and I'm getting sleepy. I sit down next to Bakura and eat my sandwich. He's in the middle of a battle, which may sound exciting, but you can actually pause at any moment and plan your strategy.

Bakura glances at me. "What's this, cheese?"

I'm chewing. "Yeah. Ever seen something more in your fridge?" I chuckle. Oh. Right, I didn't ask him if I may make one. Is he mad?

"Gimme a bite," he murmurs, not looking away from the screen.

I blink. "Mhm, here," I mumble and lift the sandwich up. I hold it before his mouth.

Bakura stops the game and looks before himself, at the sandwich. He parts his lips and I move it towards his mouth, slightly parting my lips as well. He looks up at me as he takes a good chunk off. "Mm," he makes, because his mouth is too full.

I chuckle and withdraw my food.

"Mm!" Bakura grabs my hand and pulls, bites once more.

"Hey!" I lean back and he let's go. "If you're hungry, make one yourself!" I put the small rest of the sandwich into my mouth and glare at him.

He holds his hand before his mouth. I can see a smirk between his fingers. "It's still my food, you know."

"Ghea, ghou gheep ghaying ghat!" I say with my mouth full. I chew quickly, gulp, then try again: "Yeah, you keep saying that, but you know, if it's your food, then stop giving it to me and let me starve, goddammit!" I cross my arms before my chest.

"Hey, I'm just joking," he says, blinking.

I stare back. He moves his face towards the TV and continues playing. "Right. Sorry," I say. He attacks the monster with all his characters, except one which is healing the others as they get wounded by the monster. "I forgot to ask if I may eat, sorry."

Bakura shrugs. "It's fine, you don't need to ask."

Hm, it rally is, eh? I smile. Mmm, I wanna hug him! He's such a nice guy! I lean to my side, putting my head on his shoulder.

"Mh," he makes. His arm moves a bit from the playing, but I don't mind. His hair smells good, it's the shampoo. "Marik," he says.

"Mmm," I answer, not moving my head.

"Come on," he murmurs and twitches his shoulder up, so I have to get my head up, but I do it with a loud groan. "Just let me finish this part, then it's okay," he mutters.

My heart skips a beat. Hah, really?! I grin and try to hide it by biting my lips. I watch him fighting monster after monster, barely making way. Mmmm, come on, hurry up! I lean back on the bed and cross my arms before my chest. Alright, the game is fun, but I couldn't play it for so long, hour after hour. I understand the appeal though. I would never stop moving the colorful pieces of Candy Crush around if they would give me an unlimited amount of lives.

"I never heard of an Isabelle," Bakura says suddenly.

My grin drops and I eye him cautiously. He sounds sad. I shrug. "It's a friend of him, I guess."

Bakura chuckles through his nose. "Yeah, I wouldn't know."

He fights another group of monsters, which drop a rare item. "Oh," he murmurs, "that guy back in that other city needed this one."

I sit up straight. "Oh no, you're heading back? But what about that magic city? They all kept saying how it's oh so beautiful! I wanna see it!"

"And you will," Bakura says. "I'm just getting back and bringing this to that guy in the potions shop. Then I'll go to the magic city."

I sigh. And meanwhile you'll get attacked a dozen times more.

"Here, come." Bakura points to his side with his head. "You can put your head on me now if you want."

"Oh, Yes!" I inch closer to him. He doesn't look up, he's starring at the TV. I lean down and put my cheek on his shoulder. Mh, alright, this is uncomfortable. I move my butt away from him, so that the angle is better. His shoulder moves a bit now and then, but rarer.

"You're so embarrassing," he chuckles.

"So what," I mutter.

* * *

It still gets uncomfortable after a while. Mmh, the first time I put my head on his shoulder was way better! How can that be. I sit up straight ahead. Bakura brought that one item to that one guy and he gave him something else in return. That's the whole game, kinda. Now Bakura's character is on his way to the magic city again. And he gets attacked on the very first step in the desert.

"Oh damn," Bakura says.

I sigh. "Okay, that's enough." I get up. My legs feel sore from sitting.

"Huh, what's wrong?" Bakura pauses the game and looks up at me.

"I can't sit around here all day long," I moan. I lift my arm over my head and stretch it. "I think I'll go out for a walk."

"Mh, really?" Bakura looks back at the screen.

I stretch the other arm. "Yeah. Wanna come with me?"

He shrugs. Does that mean 'no'? Why do I have the feeling that he's kind of disappointed?

"Bakura." Tell me what you think.

"I don't know," he murmurs. "Maybe I go out then, too."

I sit back down and wait for him to face me, but he continues playing. "Why? Because I'm going outside?" What's with you?

He shrugs.

"Talk to me!" I urge, lifting my fists up.

He pauses the game and looks at me. "Fine. Let me," he looks away, "let me just reach the magic city, then we'll go for a walk." He says it silently, as if he's ashamed. I heard it though!

"Okay, that's a deal!" I smile.

He frowns.

It's really hard to figure out what's going on in his head. Sometimes I think I see emotions on his face that don't make sense. Why was he embarrassed? Or sad? Or mad? I can't tell and I don't understand. But he let me put my head on his shoulder and spend the whole day with me and now we're going out on a walk!

My life must sound really boring to other people.

* * *

Bakura puts on a green sweater and his coat, I put on my jacket. We climb out of the window and descend silently. Still, the fire escape never fails to rattle, so Akefia heard us anyways. I wonder if he can tell whether one or two people use it. I am not sure if I can.

We reached the ground. "Where do you wanna go?" Bakura asks quietly. "Everything's closed now. It's one am."

I start moving and he follows me. "Yeah, closed, so what? I don't wanna go shopping, I just thought we go a bit around. Maybe to that park."

"Mh, no, don't go to the park at this hour, I told you."

"Why not?"

"There are weird people there now."

"What people?"

"Drug sellers and I dunno." He shrugs. "I don't wanna know."

Actually, we're heading into the direction of the park. "So you've been there before?"

"Yeah sure, but with a larger group. When you pass them and just look at them they start yelling at you."

"What? Why?"

"They try to scam you, try to talk you into something or steal from you. Something like that. They approach you, surround you with like five or six people and just snatch your stuff, then run away."

"Oh."

"When you're a bigger group it's okay, cause they usually target one or two people. And girls."

I frown. "But we could still just walk through. I don't like that; not going through the park, just because they are there. It's not their park alone!"

"Marik." Bakura looks at me and I glare back.

"What? Are you scared? Can't we just walk through? How big is the chance we actually pass those guys?"

He sighs. "Marik." He stops walking.

I go a few steps, then stop and turn to him. "What?"

"Let's just not, okay?" Now he sounds annoyed.

"Fine, okay, then not," I mutter. "We won't. Come on!"

* * *

We walk along the outer fence of the park. I hear people laughing. Men, actually. So that's them? I try to see something but the bushes and trees are too dense and too high. A bit of music comes through. Hip-Hop.

"It's still stupid," I mumble. "We could just walk quickly on the other side of the green."

"No," Bakura says. He heard me? "We can walk through it during daytime!" He looks at me and I pout. "What's with you and this park?"

More laughter. They seem to be near. What are they doing there anyways? Waiting for people to come by, so they can rob them? It's 1 o'clock in the night, don't they have school, or work tomorrow?

"Nothing, just thought it would be nice to go through during night," I reply.

"Yeah, very romantic, eh?" Bakura raises his eyebrows at me.

"Yeah," I mumble.

"Alright, let me show you my school," Bakura says.

"It's nearby?"

He nods.

* * *

It's really near. How come I never found it? I just never turned off at this street I guess. It looked too boring, just one big residential area. Or so I thought.

Why is he showing me his school anyways? It's cute though, he shares something with me again.

Bakura's school is a big grey building, hidden behind tall trees. As we approach it I see another building next to it; it is white and looks cleaner. And another small structure without windows is behind those two. Looks like the gym.

"Pff, haven't been here all week," Bakura chuckles, putting his hands in his coat's pockets.

"And now we're here at night," I reply.

We cross the street and reach the school. I go up the stairs to the front entrance and peer through the glass doors. All dark, I can't see anything, just a bit wall on the side and a bit stairs at the far end. Bakura stands on the lowest landing and looks up to me.

"Can't see anything," I say.

"You sound disappointed," he remarks.

"Yeah, you know," I turn around and descend, "I kinda miss school."

"Sure you do, you nerd," he huffs.

I reach Bakura's landing and stick my tongue at him. "We can't be all losers."

He sighs. "We would have never been friends at school." He goes down the stairs and I follow him.

"We're hardly friends as it is," I chuckle.

"Mh." He shrugs. "Let's go around, so you'll see the schoolyard." He lifts his arm and motions around the building.

"Alright." I nod.

We turn at the corner. There are more bushes here, and behind them is the small building, the gym.

"I just miss school, because I wasn't there for so long," I say. "I actually hate school."

"Long? You weren't there for three months tops," Bakura replies. "I would have to stay absent for a year, before I would miss it." He sounds grumpy.

"Mh, I just miss the good things."

"Which ones? The parts where you get As and Bs?"

"Yeah," I chuckle.

After the gym comes another entrance, a gap between the stone wall that surrounds the school property. The entrance is closed by a heavy metallic barrier now though. Bakura jumps on the stone wall; it's not high. "Come up," he says.

I climb next to him and hold onto the cold stone wall. "Huh, creepy." The schoolyard is smaller than the one of my school. The two big buildings touch each other at one corner. You can clearly tell where the new building begins and the old one ends. A part of the schoolyard has a different color as well, so it had been renewed along with the white building.

"Creepy?" Bakura looks at me.

"Yeah. All dark and such."

"Pff." He laughs and swings one leg over the wall. "Come on, I'll show you a secret."

"Huh."

Bakura jumps over the wall and turns around. He puts his hands in his coat's pocket and grins at me.

"Oh, but that's not allowed," I mutter. I follow him nonetheless.

* * *

We walk to the white building and up some outer stairs. On top of them is a big door leading inside, but it is closed now, so why are we going up...?

Bakura is quick and has reached half of the way before I stop looking upstairs and actually start ascending.

"Bakura!"

He's at the end, standing before the door and looking behind himself, at me. "Come on."

"Where's your secret?" I take two steps at once and swing myself up to the next two. "Behind the door?"

"Nah," he makes, "we can't get inside here."

"Yeah, that's what I thought," I mumble. I make it to the last step and look expectantly to Bakura. "So?"

He turns around and puts one foot on the doors handle and stretches his arms up. It's a handle, mind you, not a knob, so if don't want the handle to move down you have to balance your toes on the very end of the thick part of the handle.  
He bobs a few times on his other leg, then jumps up onto the handle with one foot, while holding onto the upper part of the door. One foot is on the handle, the other is in the air.

"Bakura," I mutter. I go to him to support him, but he gives me a grunt.

"Don't touch me!"

I step back.

He gives himself a few seconds to be certain in his balance, then lifts the other leg up onto the door as well. No second later he pushes himself off the handle and reaches up to the buildings roof with one hand. The other hand and the feet are on the door's narrow top, so he's in a weird crouching position.

"Uh, watch out," I say.

"Gee, thanks," he replies under a moan. "Haven't thought of that yet."

Slowly, he stands up. He's doing that sideways, because he's so close to the wall that he can't bend his knees without pushing himself off the wall and making himself fall. As he's standing, he secures his grip to the roof and even slower turns around straight again, so I see his back again. Then he heaves himself up and over the edge under a lot of groans.

"And you say you don't need any muscles," I smirk.

"What?" he says loudly. He hasn't heard me.

"Nothing!" I put my hands on my hips and farther away to the door, but I can't see him. "And now what?"

"Come on up!"

"What? Up there?" I step closer.

"What, you're afraid?" He's back and goes down on his knees, his hair falling into his face as he looks down. "I might even lend you a hand," he grins.

"Alright then," I grin back.

Heh. Time to show off.

I'm not gonna use the handle. I go a step back, go a bit into my knees, then jump straight up and grab the doors top frame with both hands. Bakura's grin drops to make space for a surprised pout. I heave myself up - which is fucking difficult from this hanging position, I tell ya! - and put my first foot on top of the door.

Shit, I haven't done this in a while, my arms are pudding. But no time to be weak now! I look up and grin at Bakura, who rolls his eyes.

"You're a show-off. Now come on up." He stands up and walks away.

Mhh. I had hoped for a bit more praise. Fine. I do it the same way as he did: Standing up sideways, then turning slowly around. Ah, I see him. He's standing on the other end, back to me, arms crossed.

I heave myself up. It would be an easier act than the one before, but it costs me the same strength as before because my arms are already tired.

But finally, I make it and go up to Bakura, panting a bit.

* * *

We can see the park in the distance. Tree to tree standing close to each other, leafage standing still in the dark, all looking grey. You can't see very well, and you can't see a person, because it is just too dark and too far down. It looks like a set out of a horror movie, ready for the shooting. I wonder how it looks like at sunrise.

"Nice, eh?" Bakura smiles at me. "Just too bad that there's nothing to rest your back against." He sits down.

I chose to stand a while longer and let my gaze wander around. A bit farther away, outside the park, you see lights and cars and people walking around, while the neighborhood around Bakura's school remains dead. "Yeah, it's beautiful. And also creepy."

Bakura chuckles. "So it's double beautiful."

"What?" I glance down at him. "Creepy equals beautiful?"

"Yeah, it kinda does, doesn't it? The morbid has some kind of beauty in it," he mumbles.

"Nah. I bet at sunrise it's ten times better."

"Wanna stay til sunrise?" Bakura asks.

I look down at him, but he looks straight ahead. "I dunno. Isn't that too romantic for you?" I grin.

He doesn't answer but frowns. What's with his sad mood? I sit down next to him - ouch, the ground is hard - and stare at him.

"Why did you bring me up here?" I ask.

"To show you my secret spot." He shrugs.

I want to ask him something, want to know what he thinks. But I don't know the right words.

"Since you're such an expert at romance," he suddenly says, "do you think..."

"What?"

He turns his head to me and gulps. "Ah." He looks down. "Uh. I... Do you..." He looks up at me. "Do you think people can fall in love after after a longer while?"

"Huh?" I blink at him. "I don't-"

"I mean if..." He looks away. "If you know somebody and you know they don't love you. Do you think there's a chance that they might fall in love with you after a while? Or will it just never change?"

I have no idea what to say to this. He's clearly talking about himself, being in love with somebody who doesn't love him back. But how can he ask me this?! Can't he tell that this applies to us as well?! I love him and he doesn't love me back!

I gulp and chuckle, feeling embarrassed and a bit hurt. There's a sting in my heart. "Um, I... I certainly hope so," I mutter.

He throws his gaze at me.

"I guess it is possible," I say slowly. "Like in those Bollywood movies, the main guy is sometimes friends with his girl for a long time, since childhood, before she finally realizes that she loves him back-"

"Marik, life is not a Bollywood movie," Bakura mutters.

"Yeah, but I can see how it could happen, you know?" I continue, needing to talk on. "You can project yourself into those characters and imagine-"

Bakura groans. "Ugh, I shouldn't have asked you." He puts his hand on the ground and lifts himself up. "Let's go back home." He steps away.

"What, wait!" I stand up and follow him to the edge.

* * *

We walk back home. He's always a few steps behind of me, leaving enough space between us, so that I can't strike up a conversation with him. When I walk slower, he does too. When I speed up, he's pacing as well. When I stop altogether and turn around, he shows me his profile and waits for me to continue walking.

Great. What did I say wrong? I don't actually think that life is like a Bollywood movie, gah, I'm not that dumb. But if you can imagine being one of those characters, so it _is_ possible, right? If you can imagine it, it could be true. Somehow, some-when. So never give up!

Mmm, kay, sounds too cheesy to be true, I guess.

But what did he expect me to answer? Why would I know such a thing? It's weird enough for him to ask me such a question. So the big silent Bakura has love trouble. He's in love with some guy he fucks, probably this ominous 'K.' and asks me, virgin Marik, how to deal with that?

I'm in love with you myself, you fool! I can't have a fair opinion on that, what do you expect!

How stupid of you to ask! Don't you care how _I_ feel?!

As we're near home, he clears his throat. "Marik."

I instantly stop walking and turn around. "What?"

He gives me a short smile, then sighs. "I... probably shouldn't have asked you that." He waits for an affirmation, but I keep staring at him. "I... forgot that you..."

 _...love me._

I can't talk with him about this! I chuckle loudly, interrupting him. "Heh, yeah, no, it's fine." I look down at my feet, then look up again. "I still wanna help you," I mumble. But do I?

He fakes a grin and nods a few times.

"No, I mean it," I say. "I do think it's possible for someone to-"

"Okay, hold it, stop right there!" Bakura lifts a hand. "You still don't get my question, do you." He closes his eyes for a long second, as he walks up and then past me. "Let's go to sleep."

"What?" I follow him. We enter the backyard and walk slower. "Bakura," I whisper. "What-"

"Shh!" he makes. "Upstairs, okay?"

* * *

It's only ten minutes after two, but Bakura says he's tired. So we lay down in our separate beds and he explains to me his question:

"What I wanted to know from you, was: Have you ever changed your feelings about someone you didn't like?" He makes a pause, in which I open my mouth, ready to respond, but he shakes his head and continues: "Can you say, in all honesty, that you started liking someone after a while without much change in your relationship? Because I can't think of one person that I randomly started liking. Not knowing someone and _then_ getting to know and like them is another thing. Already knowing them and not liking them, and _then_ suddenly getting warm with them? I don't think it's possible."

I close my mouth. Is he right? "Well," I say slowly, "I guess that one part is definitely true: You do not like somebody, because you don't understand them. On TV, there are a lot of villains I can sympathize with, despite them doing evil things." I'm glad we talk. I have to talk, otherwise I'll start thinking.

"You and your TV," Bakura sighs.

"But that's because I understand why they are doing those evil things. They have suffered some tragedy and try to make it right. You can sympathize with that."

"Great, but what are you trying to tell me," Bakura moans.

"My point is, that sometimes, you only saw one side of the person. A side you didn't like. So maybe if you see a different side of the person, you can sympathize with that side." It's 'K', isn't it? The one he's in love with.

"Hmm."

"But I guess it doesn't work if you know the person too well already, so there's nothing new to learn." How long does he know him already? How _well_ does he know him? Is he as closed up to him as he is with me? Damn, I started thinking.

"Mm."

I look up at him. He's frowning, looking before himself. What is he thinking about? Does he want to change for his lover, show him another side of him? "You should never force changes though," I murmur. "Never change for anybody but yourself."

"Yeah, yeah." He closes his eyes and sighs.

We lie a bit in silence, with Bakura being deep in his thoughts and me making sad pouty faces. Who's this 'K.' he worries so much about? Is he really in love with him? He did use that word, _love_.  
Suddenly it hits me hard. Oh god, why does he have to be in love with somebody else? I could live with him being nothing more than a friend, never getting closer, never becoming anything more. But him actually loving someone else?

I turn away from him, on my side. I am not far away from tears.

He didn't even think about me there, not a second. Only later when we were close at home, like what? 20 minutes later, he actually thought of me and how inappropriate it was to ask me that question. No, not inappropriate. Cold. Hard. Un-thoughtful. Ruthless. He didn't think of me, because I am not important to him.

He loves somebody else. And I hate him for that.

* * *

Half an hour later, when I am well into trying to ignore the silent waterfall streaming down my face, he clears his throat again. "You're awake? Good night." It's just a murmur and I can't answer without crying out loud, so I ignore him and close my eyes.

Good night, you asshole! How dare you loving somebody else! Why? Why not me? I'm perfect for you, I love you so much, we would be so happy! You're such an idiot, such an cold, heartless idiot! I want to slap you and kiss and hit you hard! Why won't you love me?

I wish I could ignore my thoughts, but there's no way I can turn them off. I'm not sleepy at all yet and my chest hurts. My heart feels as if there are thousand needles stinging in it and with every breath it hurts a bit more. I can't stop thinking about Bakura and how much I hate and how much I love him.

Twenty minutes later I stand up and go out of the room.

* * *

I hear Akefia making a phone call, demanding to speak with some guy but apparently that guy is impossible to find. I step closer to Kefia's door to listen. I don't care what this is about, as long as it keeps me from thinking about Bakura for a second. Akefia is annoyed and soon gives up finding the guy. He hangs up and mumbles to himself to call at a earlier hour tomorrow. I almost laugh out loud.

I go to the toilet and sit there for I don't know how long. Has Bakura heard me going out of the room? If so, I wonder what he thinks of me. Is he aware of how much he hurt me? He's not, right. He doesn't care. Ahh, again with those thoughts!

I wash my face and rub the tears away, but new ones are coming constantly. God, I'm so freakishly dumb! Of course he doesn't love me, why the heck would he! What was I thinking? He made it very clear that I am not his type and that he's antisocial and whatnot. Still, I fell in love with him. Gaaaahhh, why are you so stupid, Marik! Why, why, why!

* * *

Finally, I return to bed. Lie down close to my unrequited love, who's breathing silently.

And almost start sobbing. Shh! Shut up, Marik, he _mustn't_ see you like this!

I cry for another hour before I finally, finally fall asleep.


	23. Day 66: Hate him

**Day 66**

* * *

 _2/26/2016 - Friday_

* * *

I hate him. I seriously hate him. We haven't talked at all since Monday. He isn't home much as far as I can tell. I hate him.

I don't understand how he can be so cold to me. Why was he nice to me in the first place?

He broke my heart.

I hate him. Hate him. Hate him. Hate him.

Hate him!

* * *

There's nothing else to report. My day is boring, my night is boring. I live alone. I /am/ alone, utterly alone. Nobody cares.

The only thing I looked forward to was Bakura, but now that's over as well.

I'll never ever talk to him again.

Fuck you.

I hate you.

* * *

 **A/N: Short chapter is short. Thank you for your review, . 1 You made my day :)**


	24. Day 69: Friends again

**Day 69**

* * *

 _2/29/2016 - Monday - heehee, day 69, teehee  
_

* * *

It's leap year! Whoever has birthday today, I congratulate you and wish you a wonderful day!

Your life is 100% better than my sad, pathetic existence!

Bakura hates me. Or doesn't love me. Which is basically the same. Or even worse, seeing as he seems to like me at least a bit. He likes me but doesn't love me! And I don't care! He can start hating me, cause I do hate him now!

I was really stupid, hanging around him all day and annoying him so much. I don't understand what was going on in my mind, did I really think he would eventually fall for me eventually? I hope nobody noticed my ridiculous behavior. Must have been obvious to everybody though. That's why all the strip girls eyed us so crazy when we went down and headed outside that one time.

I don't even know what I am so sad about. I knew he didn't like me in that way, so why am I so upset about all this _now_?  
We didn't spoke of that topic again though. I never ever want to hear a word about 'K.' again anyways!

Not that we spoke much this week. I was upstairs in my room most of the time, I even slept here the last five nights. He came back from school in the afternoon, being dropped off by Zorc. It's easy to tell whether Bakura went to school or went somewhere else. When he takes his backpack with him, he's on his way to school. He never uses it for something else as far as I know.

He doesn't seem to wonder why I don't come downstairs to visit him. He even forgot our pizza day. He just goes on with his life. He really doesn't care.

Last Wednesday Gus was there and I played the waiter and he gave me 5 bucks as tip. Why not 10? But whatever, that's cool enough. So I got $15 now and don't know what to do with it.

I grew a bit! I think. I can't really tell without measuring myself. There has to be a measuring tape somewhere. Gotta ask that one guy whom I don't love anymore.  
And my hair is getting annoyingly long. Ugh. Time to get up from my desk.

* * *

I go downstairs to the kitchen, cause I remember having seen scissors in one of the drawers. Yup, there they are.

It's 1 PM, so Bakura hasn't returned from school yet and his door is closed from the inside.

I go into the bathroom and grab my bangs. They go well over my eyes now, so I use to blow them up or wipe them to my sides. But now it's enough. I hold the hair between index and middle finger - as I've seen hair dressers do it - and carefully cut them off, trying to create a straight fringe. It sounds easier as it is and I have to chop here and there and in the end it still looks a bit off.

But whatever, it's fine for now. Next time I definitely go to a hair dresser!

* * *

I sit in the kitchen and eat leftovers. By 3 PM, I hear Bakura's footsteps in the stairway. Dammit, shall I rush upstairs?

The last days I made a point to avoid him. I just couldn't stand to be near him. I don't think I am ready for that yet. Yesterday he came in through his window and didn't open his door and I did not visit him either. But now he's coming through the front door. Will he ignore me? Should I ignore him?

The front door opens, Bakura is yawning. He notices me and takes off his backpack. He comes to me and lets his backpack crash on the table, sighing loudly. "I fucking hate school," he groans.

"Mm." I don't dare to look up and fill my mouth with lots of beans so that I have an excuse for my silence. He's talking to me as if nothing happened. Some part of me is glad about that.

He takes off his coat and sits down, sighing more. "What's up? Free day, eh? What're doing?" He closes his eyes and massages his head with one hand.

"Eating," I answer with full mouth. Go to your room, I don't want to talk to you.

"No, I mean what are you up to for today?" He tries to make eye contact with me, but I look down and dig my spoon into the beans, stirring them slowly. "Marik."

"Hm?" Accidentally, I look up and meet his eyes, but not for long. Dammit. I gotta stir the beans.

"We could watch a movie together or something, hm?"

I look up again. And shrug. "Alright." I don't mean it though. He'll forget it.

He frowns.

I fill my mouth with beans.

"Uh, better don't eat so many of those," he chuckles. "You'll fill the room with farts."

I laugh along, but I don't want to. "Sorry." I missed his stupid jokes.

Again, silence, but I stare down. He won't make me look up again!

Suddenly, he's up and leans over the table, staring at me closely, hands right and left as he supports himself. "You cut your hair, huh."

I jolt back and unintentional lock eyes with him. "What?" I mutter. "Your string!" I push him up; one of his hoodie laces fell into the salad bowl.

"What?" He moves his head down and a thick hair strands falls of his shoulder and into the beans.

"Oh, Bakura!" I push him and he moves up.

"Mh." He cleans both the string and his hair with the kitchen paper I used as napkin. His hair got colored reddish from the bean sauce, but gets off easily. I rarely see him this clumsy. Something like this usually happens to me while he would point and laugh at me.

Argh, I can't forget how it just felt to push him. That soft resistance against my fingers. Nothing special, yet special, because it was his body. "You sure can color your hair any color you want, hm?" I mumble. Red, Blue, Orange. He could color it in pale colors without having to bleach it first, without wondering what color would come out.

"Hm?" He looks at me.

"Nothing." I shake my head.

He keeps staring at me. "What's with you?"

"What do you mean?" I reply.

"Stop with that game," he moans and sits back down. "You've been avoiding me all week. That's not the Marik I know." He leans on his arms, leaning closer again.

Hearing him say that he knows me makes me makes me kind of happy and I meet his eyes again. I bite my lip.

He leans back, then turns his body away. "It's not because I," he eyes me cautiously, "told you about that, um," he looks away, then finds the word and looks back, "that love thing, is it?"

 _Love thing._ I shrug and lean back. I grab my glass and take a big gulp of orange juice.

"Nng," he makes, sighing. "Look, I... I," he chuckles awkwardly, "I actually understand how you feel, but-"

I can't stand hearing him talk about my stupid feelings! I sit up. "It's fine!" I interrupt him, lifting one hand. "I just need time to adjust to that, that's all. I'll come back downstairs eventually." I don't know why I said that, I don't really have the intention to spend as much time with him as I used to. ...or do I?

"Hm."

I take another gulp, then put the glass back on the table. "It's funny to hear that though," I say.

"What?"

"You saying- you wanting me to come downstairs."

"I never said that."

There. Again with that. I glare at him shortly, but I don't feel like I have any right to do so. Not anymore. Another thing that feels embarrassing. I used to think I have the right to be pissed with him about his pointless lies, but that's not true. It was never true. Only now, since I know that he loves somebody else, I realize that.

"See, that's why I was so hesitant with being friends with you," he says silently.

I continue eating my beans. "Why?"

"Because if one of us would fall in love with the other and the other wouldn't... Well, you see what happens..." He chuckles.

"So what?" I chew and gulp. "Should people never spend time with each other because one might fall in love? What are you trying to say?"

"No, not any people. I mean people who work or live in close proximity with each other. You don't shit where you eat, never heard of that saying?"

"Oh, that's what you mean. Yeah, I heard that."

I finish my beans, then grab the salad.

"You're a weird eater," Bakura comments.

"What, why?" I stuff my mouth with a big leaf.

"You tend to finish one thing before starting another. First beans, now salad. And before that, what was that, rice?" He points to the almost clean bowl.

I nod and laugh. "Yeah. Well, your rice is so good, I didn't want to mix it with the beans sauce, I wanted to leave it white."

He grins and I can't help it, I grin back.

And so much for not talking to him.

* * *

I finish eating and clean my plates, while Bakura goes into his room, leaving the door open. Is Kefia out of the house? I am not sure.

After finishing the dishes, I automatically turn left, going to Bakura's room. Wait, no, why do I do this?

I close my eyes, taking a big breath. Ugh, it hurts to be with him, but at the same time I do want to be with him. Just talking to him felt so good!

It's weird, it didn't hurt more while we talked, I actually felt better! But now, it hurts even more. He was so close as he was leaning over the table, he was wondering why I was different, and he wants to spend time with me. Aaagh, I just wanna hug him. How cute of him to lean over and wonder about my fringe, arghh, stupid feelings, just go away!

But no. No, he hurt me! I should avoid him. Or just talk a bit to him? God, I don't know what I want.

"You're coming in, or what?" Bakura yells from his room.

"Yes," I murmur.

* * *

His school books are spread over his bed and he shoves them back into his backpack, mumbling some insults about his school.

"No homework today?" I ask. I sit down on my mattress. Heh, I kind of missed sleeping here. It were just five nights upstairs but I still missed it. Even more, I missed Bakura's breathing and our daily good-night talk.

"Mmh, I did homework all week!" he says, "and I did so much yesterday and that stupid cunt didn't even collect it!" He zips up his backpack and throws it into a corner of the room, knocking a few other things down.

I laugh. "Homework is for you to learn the stuff you gotta learn, not for the teacher."

"Yeah, I get that, but still. When I don't do it, she collects it. When I do it, she doesn't." Bakura let's out a growl. "As if she knew."

I laugh more.

"At least it was yearbook order deadline today," Bakura continues. "That was fun."

"Yearbook order deadline? Oh cool, you bought- I mean, ordered it?"

"Nah, we just skipped fifth and sixth period and invented a drinking game." He moves up on his bed, putting his feet on my mattress.

"Mh." I don't approve him skipping school, but I don't comment on it. "What game?"

He laughs. "Every year the seniors have a group of students who try to sell their yearbook, even though nobody wants to have it."

"Oh, I like to have my yearbook," I inject.

"Yeah, sure, if you're in it. But I'm not really in the yearbook of this year, I mean half of it is about the seniors!"

"Really? In my school it was more or less equally divided."

"Well, lucky you." He rolls his eyes. "But at 'Shit-dleton' High the seniors get all the attention. I get that the last year in hell is special, but they're overdoing their shit." Middleton - Shitdleton. Oh, Bakura...

"Yeah, and behaving as if they're the gods of the schoolyard," I mutter, remembering my seniors. "Mocking you and shutting you out of everything. But then again, they were all doing that to me," I add silently.

Bakura laughs. "Yeah, exactly. So, when it's yearbook order time, that yearbook group hangs around in the break room and tries to sell their book, or actually they sell 'spots' on their order list," Bakura mimics quotation marks with his fingers, "to make it seem as if there are more buyers than books available, because they have actually trouble to sell it for 55 bucks, and they think they can at least lure the freshman in, but nope." He chuckles. "The freshmen hear it from all other sides that it's stupid to buy the yearbook, but half of them still does, 'cause of their parents or something."

"Mh, sucks that it's just about the seniors," I reply.

He nods. "Pages over pages just for their insider jokes! The page with stupid shit a teacher or student said over the year is the only good thing. And the one page about your own class of course."

"Just one page?" I ask surprised. "That's really mean. We got each two class pages plus a funny pictures page, but not everybody was in it, plus a quotes page and every language class got their page and uh," I look up, while I'm thinking, "the cheerleaders, the chess club and sport clubs and such got their own page, plus pictures from exhibitions and the like-"

"Ah, yeah," he grunts, "our nerds and bulkies get their pages too, but pff, as if I'm in any of that." He crosses his arms.

"You're in no club?" I ask.

"You sound surprised." He gets up and steps over my mattress to his desk. "I would show you the yearbook of two years ago, but I can't find it anymore." He clears his desk a bit - which means in Bakura's case that he shoves all of his stuff to one side. He takes his laptop of his chair and takes a seat.

"Ah, so you actually possess one book?" I turn around on the mattress to face him. He didn't want to show me the pictures he got in the mail, but he would show me his yearbook...? That makes me way too happy than it should! He's sophomore for the second time now, so 2 years ago he was... "So much for luring the freshmen in!" I add, chuckling.

"Ugh, yeah, they got me, so what. It was just 45 dollar then." He shrugs and flips his computer open. "In which clubs were you? Muscle class 101?"

55 is way too much, but 45 is okay, aha. "Ha-ha. I was in the Badminton club and in the 'talkers club', which was a cross between psychology class and philosophy class."

"Philosophy? That sounds interesting," he mumbles.

"Can't you look for your yearbook? Mm, would like to know how you look liked with fourteen," I smirk. Damn it, I can't stop swooning over him.

He snorts and opens his mouth, but doesn't say anything. A light frown on forehead.

I bite my lip. It's okay, you can mock me. Don't hesitate. "I bet you were an ugly child," I add.

He turns around and glares at me. "Eh, and you..." But he breaks off.

I tilt my head and raise my brows. "More hair than boy. Which was probably good, cause your pale face was scaring everybody anyways." Ugh, I'm not good with insults. I mean, I can't really insult this pretty boy, he's... too pretty!

He rolls his eyes, is still facing me, waiting.

"A thin white ghost... More like a tissue, than a ghost. Kleenex, the spooky, smoking tissue!"

"Oh my god, shut up," he says, baring his teeth, chuckling in between. "You fail so much at this."

I pout. "And still you're laughing."

"I'm laughing at your failure." He turns back to his laptop, but it's still booting. "Ugh."

* * *

I should be happy with this small progress I notice in our relationship. He wanted to show me his yearbook and he hesitated to mock me about my obvious crushing. He could have easily said something like 'Yeah, you can't stop looking at me, can you' after my yearbook comment, but he didn't. He feels bad for breaking my heart. But that doesn't help me much.

I lie down on Bakura's bed while he... I don't know what he's doing and I'm not asking. He's probably chatting, judging from the frequency and quantity of his typing. Sometimes I hear something like a chuckled snort: A short exhale being shoved through his nose. His chat partner must be flirting with him.

I feel a bit sick. Is it 'K.'? I don't want to know. But maybe it's not him, but somebody else already. He could fall in love frequently and whoever is near him at that time wins, like in that How I Met Your Mother Episode. Maybe he's not in love with whoever he was in love with and I have some chance? The relationship window is open? Yeah, you don't shit where you eat, but maybe I can seduce him, maybe I can be so magnificent and sexy that he forgets about that rule? Sex is a thing about seduction and lust, you do leave your brain behind!

Oh, who am I kidding. I can't seduce him. I fail to register his words if he only comes too close to me.

He's typing again, a big rush of letters that form to words which he sends to his lover, which message I will never know. Magical words that are special because _he_ typed them. Gawd, why can't you flirt with _me_ , be sexy and funny with me, seduce me, hold me, love me? I roll to my side, away from him. I mustn't cry.

Or maybe it's just Zorc or Joey whom he writes? But nah, you don't do that. You use your phone to chat with your friends. Everybody uses Whatsapp; Skype and ISQ are dead. The only reason you would chat with somebody is when you use a dating site. There are dating apps, sure, but I understand that you would rather use a computer browser. Better for typing. Later you exchange phone numbers and continue to flirt on Whatsapp.

A short break, then a few keyboard strokes, a break, more keyboard strokes.  
I manage to hold the pain back until it gets bearable and sit up. "I'm bored," I declare.

"Mh, go outside or something," he mumbles.

Hmpf. So now he's occupied, yeah? First he complains about me avoiding him and now he doesn't have the time? "Yeah, bye," I grumble and get up.

* * *

When I slide open the window, he finally looks up from the screen. "Huh, wait, you're going out?"

I glare at him. Isn't that what you just suggested? From here, the screen really seem to show chatting: two rows of words, right and left; when right is full, left is empty and vice versa. "Eh, I'll just go upstairs." I shrug.

"Isn't it too cold?" He types in three letters. Then he leans back and puts one arm over the backrest.

I let my arm sink, air from outside hits me. It is cold, but I shrug. "It's just takes a minute to go up," I chuckle. He just looks for excuses, isn't he?

He pushes his lips to one corner for a moment; a pout to the side. "Kay, but you'll come back down, right?" He glances to the screen. His chat partner answered.

"I guess," I mumble.

* * *

It's terribly cold, but as I said: It's just a minute on the fire escape.

As I climb inside, it hits me: Oh, he meant my room! It's freezing cold in here, just as it is outside. He meant my room, he wasn't concerned about the time on the fire escape! Oh man, I'm so self-absorbed, I always hope he's worried about me, while he isn't! Stupid, embarrassing Marik, think for a moment, before you speak!

Okay, he was still concerned that it is too cold for me, after all. Still, I feel stupid.

I turn the heater up and it is on my side: It works perfectly, as it did the last five days. Thanks you, heater god! I cuddle under my blankets and let my tears flow.

I'm not sure know why I'm crying anymore. I miss the 'old' time with Kura, as I didn't know about his crush yet.

* * *

I must have dozen off.

A knock against my window. I'm not fully there yet, so my brain creates a dream: Jaden is back, dressed all in red, knocking at my window. He has cool sunglasses on his nose and a cute grin on his lips. 'Come, get up! Let's play card games on motorcycles!' he shouts and it sounds as if he's in far distance. 'Marik!'

'Marik!'

"Marik!"

I jerk up. A blanket is over my head. It's Bakura's voice, and not Jaden's. I pull the blanket from my head and get up, shaking my head to the side, cause my hair is messy. Yeah, Bakura is at the window, grinning. Card games on Motorcycles? What a stupid dream.

I slide the window open and Bakura takes a step back. "I knew you fell asleep. Come back down." He wears his coat and is smelling of cigarettes.

Was he out? What time is it? The sky's already beginning to darken.

"What is it? You coming?" Bakura shakes his head slightly.

I watch him. He really wants my company, doesn't he? A smirk tugs at my lips and I let it bloom. Let's see what Bakura does when I say no. "Nah, I don't feel like it," I say, shrugging.

He furrows his brows for a second. "Ookaay, why not?"

I shrug more. "Just don't feel like it." My grin is gone and his vanishes as well. Yeah, actually, what would you do, if I say no? I used to rush to you, when you called me, but when I needed you, you were gone. So what now, eh?

He gives me a bored look, eyelids halfway down. "Mh, fine," he mumbles and puts his hands into his pockets. "See you, then," he huffs. He turns around to the stairs and begins descending.

I feel bad. I do actually wanna spend time with you. I always want to. Even if it hurts.

But it's alright, I'll just let you alone for half an hour or so, then I follow you. I can change my mind, can't I?

Just go inside your room and sulk for a bit, I'll be right there. Yeah, just a few more steps and-

Except that you just passed your room.

Oh no.

* * *

I watch Bakura going lower and lower, until he reached the end of the fire escape. At first I feel like I could still shout 'Okay, you got me, I'm coming!' and make him come back, but as he descends more and more the chance gets slimmer and slimmer. And as he's on the ground it's too late. Aahhh, dammit!

He lights on a cigarette, puts it in his mouth and leaves the backyard without turning around.

Mhhhhh, I'm such an idiot.

I close my window and sit back on my bed. I'm wide awake. What now?

* * *

I go into Bakura's room. Time to find a new book. I finished 'I am legend' and it was good. They must have completely misunderstood it when they were making the movie.

I have never payed much attention to the books on Bakura's shelf above the bed, but now they catch my attention. I climb on his bed and knee on it to read the titles. It's actually just one manga series; there's not much space on Bakura's shelf. It's called Ja-Dou and it's 6 manga books laying on top of each other. Never heard of it. I grab number one and start reading.

It's a gay manga. No, there's a word for that, what was it...? Yaoi? Or sho-something ai. Eh, whatever. I like it. I read the first and the second book, before I notice that it has gotten dark outside. I never closed the curtains as Bakura does when it gets dark. It's ten past eight says my watch.

I'm a quarter into the third book when Bakura's window slides open. He's a bit wet. "Hey," he grumbles.

I glance at him. "Hey." I try to continue on reading, but I can't. Where was Bakura? Visiting a lover? I don't know how long he was away, but my inner clock tells me it were at least two hours. I read the same sentence three times, before I give up. I take a deep breath. "Hungry?" I ask. "I'm hungry. Do we have something to eat?"

"Uh, yeah." Bakura takes off his coat and shakes his head, rubbing it a bit. "Just started raining. I think I had some more beans, unless you ate them all." His voice is making that dip towards the end of his sentence; getting lower because he wants to imply something.

So he's mad for me eating his beans? Ugh. You'll never stop complaining about that, do you. You don't care about me at all! "Nah, no more beans," I say slowly. I get off the bed and follow him into the kitchen.

"Did... he come back?" Bakura asks in a low voice, glancing to Kefia's room.

"Nope, not that I know of. Didn't he come while I was upstairs?"

"No." We look into Bakura's cupboard. Bakura leans down, I knee before it. "Mm, yeah, here are the beans," Bakura mumbles.

"He's usually there at six, isn't he?" I ask, because I'm confused. Doesn't he worry about him?

"Yeah, usually." Bakura reaches over my shoulder and grabs a bag of onion chips. "Here, I got those yesterday."

"Mh, I need something with more substance." I dig through his hoard. Canned Beans, canned fruit, rice of course, bread, honey, cornflakes- But nothing you could make a full meal out of it. I sigh.

Bakura looks down at me. "Not good enough?" he huffs, adding an annoyed grunt after the sentence.

"Yeah, no," I moan. "I just can't eat cornflakes. Or just rice. I need a full meal." I look again, but don't find anything I haven't seen already.

Bakura tears the bag of chips open and walks away. "Well, then I don't know what to say to you!"

I pout. I guess I _could_ eat beans again! But you're so annoyed and pissed off for nothing that I won't, just in spite!

* * *

I walk back to Bakura, who's sitting in front of his TV, switching through channels. "Stupid thing," he mumbles. I glance at the screen. It flickers and buzzes low, while the picture shows big grey lines going through it, distorting it. A few channels have an almost clear picture, but no sound.

"So that's why I never see you watching TV," I comment.

"You're not eating?" he asks loudly, without looking up. He stares at the screen for a moment then turns the TV off.

"No," I reply slowly, watching him. I sit next to him on his mattress. Stop being pissed with me, Bakura!

He continues to stare at the dark screen. Bad wording. He continues to ignore me. He grabs a handful of chips. The smell of onions reaches my nostrils. Mm. I could eat some of those. But I don't dare to ask.

"What do you have against the beans?" He turns his head to me, glaring. Which is kind of cute, since he has crumbs all over his mouth.

I chuckle, but I'm still mad. "Nothing. I dunno, they tasted weird." And you don't stop talking about them.

"Tss." He turns his head away.

"What's wrong, why are you angry?" I ask sighing.

"It's nothing." He stands up and sits on his bed, munching loudly. He shoves the books away.

"Ugh, you're clearly annoyed, Bakura!" I say loudly. "Why? Just because I didn't want to spend the evening with you?"

"Pff, as if." He turns his face away.

"You don't have any right to complain! I am always there if you need me! I never say no. But you just want to see me when you feel like it! It's unfair."

He chuckles with a huff. "Heh, so you did make that up, I knew it!" He puts another onion chip in his mouth while eying me. "You behave like a three-year old, Marik." He wipes his mouth clean.

I grunt. " _You_ behave like a three year old! Even if I did make that up, what's your reason to pout around? Just because I said 'no' to you? Poor little Bakura can't take a no!" I laugh mockingly.

He huffs some more, turning his head away.

I cross my arms before my chest. Ha! Defeated!

He stares before himself into the wall. His eyebrows furrowing now and then. His jaw tightened. One hand holds the bag of chips, the other is a fist, lying on his lap.

I feel a bit sorry.

"Well," he says, "yeah, I guess it's ridiculous. But it's none of your problem, is it. So what if I feel like this." He gulps. "It's you who is behaving stupid." He throws his gaze at me. "I may be childish, but I keep it to myself." He puts the bag away and rubs his hands against each other, to make the grease go away. "Yeah, I don't always wanna see you, I can't help that."

You can be nicer about it though.

His voice's volume increases. "I don't need so much contact with someone else after being in school all day long, surrounded by loud idiots, talking to everybody all they day, from eight til four. I was used to have my room for myself, then you suddenly came. I just don't need that much social input, don't you understand?" He furrows his brows. "It would be unfair if I would exclude you, just you, but I don't. I-I am okay with you not wanting to see me." He gulps again.  
"At least in theory." He looks away. "I know I am being immature in my reactions." He gives me a glance, but ultimately looks down. "I can't help it. I can't stand the feeling."

My crossed arms lose their strain, so I let them drop on my lap. Oh no, I was the mean one? He can't stand it when somebody rejects him... because of his father! Akefia must have rejected him constantly when he was little and he eventually gave it up.  
I can see it before my inner eye: Little Bakura playing on the floor, laughing and giggling, then Akefia passes, and Bakura reaches up to grab his hand, but his father shoves the hand away and walks away, leaving Bakura there. His dark eyes losing their gleam, his smile vanishing.

"Oh," I say. My heart burns. I've been mean. I've hurt him! "I'm sorry!" I crawl up to his bed, stretch my arms out and reach his ankles, feeling him twitch as my finger graze his bare skin. I bury my head in the sheets and sob. "I'm sorry, Bakura! I didn't understand!"

He laughs loudly. "It's fine, you faggot."

"I didn't want to hurt you!" My tears flow again and this time he'll see it, but I don't even care!

"It's alright, you didn't hurt me. I mean- not that much."

"Uhhh, I'm an idiot!"

"Yes. Yes, you are," he murmurs. He pats my head. "Stop it now, it's enough."

I look up, still holding onto his legs. My vision is blurred.

"Oh god," Bakura sighs, "are you on your period or what's with you?"

I let go of him and wipe my face. "I'm okay." It's not embarrassing though, I do not feel embarrassed. It feels good to show him my emotions. He did too, after all. In his clumsy, stuttering way with lots of away looking, but he did.

"Mm," Bakura makes. "Yeah, you're fine," he mumbles. "Super emotional Marik."

"Hey," I laugh and get up, "you're the one to talk. "Who's hurt because I don't want to spend time with him?"

He pouts and crosses his arms. "I said, I'm just not used to it."

"Why?" I climb to him on his bed, shoving his manga books further away. "Does nobody ever reject you? What's with Zorc and the others?"

He glowers at the wall next to him. "It's different with them. I ask if he has time or he asks and then the answer comes." He looks back at me. "But with you, I dunno," he shrugs. "You were," he pouts even more, "you were just always there, I don't know!" He throws his hands in the air and growls.

I grin. "Aww, cute! You sure you don't like me?"

He looks at me surprised. "Are we over this already?" He lifts his eyebrows. "Must have been a big crush, eh? Lasted a whole week."

I lean back and gulp. Ouch, that was harsh. "Don't change the subject!" I huff.

"I'm not!" He leans to me, using a hand for support, accidentally putting it on one of the mangas I was reading earlier. "What's this?" He lifts up one of the books. "Ja-Dou? Oh man, this old thing..." He browses through it.

"Ah, you're doing it again!" I snap my fingers before him, once, twice. "Listen, here!"

"What? You're still not done?" He rolls his eyes at me. "What do you want more? I am hurt when you reject me, cause I like you, we're friends, yadda, yadda, yadda!"

"Yeah, that's what I wanna hear," I mutter. I lean onto him, arm against his arm, head against his head, and close my eyes. "I'm never gonna reject you ever again."

"Dummy," he chuckles. He puts the book down. "So now that you know that I was feeling hurt, you feel sympathy with me." His voice is close and low.

"Yes, sure. Now I know you had a legit reason," I whisper.

"Mhm. So you think other people who behave wrong in the eyes of an outer observer, don't have their legit reasons? Everybody behaves in their best intention. When people do wrong things, it's usually because they are hurt."

"Everybody? Every single one?"

"Yeah!" he says, as if it's common knowledge.

"Really?" I open my eyes. "Even Hitler?"

"Alright, that's a massive case," Bakura mumbles. "That guy must have been hurt big time, I don't know."

I snort a laugh. Bakura is warm. His hair tickles my arm. I could lean against him forever.

"But for example when a man hits his wife, he does it because he's hurt. Not saying that it's the right thing to do. He's hurt and a man mustn't be hurt, so it turns into anger and he needs to express it."

"Mhm." I lean closer to him, turning my face. He smells good, I want to smell him better.

"People don't think, they act. The man gets angry, adrenaline pumps through his veins and he has to get the energy out."

I want to touch him, to kiss him. As my nose grazes his neck, he casually leans away.

"You're done there?" he asks low.

I look up. Now I feel embarrassed. I bite my lip and look away, my face still turned to him though.

Bakura pushes his forehead against mine and mumbles "idiot" on my face; I feel his exhale. Mmm, stay! He gets up and grabs the chips bag, eating a few more onions. "Let's go out. You're still hungry, aren't you?"

* * *

We're back to normal!

Bakura rushes me to hurry up, because the nearby supermarket closes at 9 PM. What kind of shitty supermarket is that?! He climbs out of the window, while I'm still putting on my second shoe. I don't have my jacket with me - it's upstairs - but Bakura is already bolting down, ahh, goddammit!

So I climb out after him in my thin shirt, close the window and run downstairs. "Bakura!"

"Come on!" He's already on the ground?

"Wait! I don't have my jacket with me!"

"Doesn't matter, you can have mine, now come on! The shop's closing in three minutes!"

"Shitshitshitshitshit...!"

The supermarket is just two streets away, next to the kiosk I buy the cigarettes for the girls. It's two minutes before nine and we practically crash through the doors, making the two customers at the register plus the elder cashier jerk up.

"Sorry!" I say, panting.

Bakura leans his hands on his knees, panting too.

"Haha, don't worry you two," the cashier says. "We're not pedantic about closing times here." His smile is warm. He pushes his glasses up his nose and gives me a nod.

"Thank you!" I say, smiling and nodding back. "We won't take long. We're just really hungry!"

"Take all the time you need," the man replies, laughing some more.

Aww, what a sweet old man. This here is like a lost dream, something you know must still exist, but is getting rarer and rarer: A mom and pap's shop. Small and not up to date with all new cornflakes brands, but warm and friendly. You actually feel welcome here. The old man takes a few seconds to finish laughing, then he continues to scan the items on the conveyor belt, while his customer glances as me, looking a bit annoyed.

I turn around to Bakura, but he's away. I look in the next aisle, finding him searching between some canned foods, reading their labels. "What's with you and cans?" I laugh. I take off his coat he has lent me and put it over my arm.

He glances at me. "We got more time?" he asks.

"Yeah, but don't exploit it."

"Mm. You can look around for whatever you wanna eat tonight, I'm just looking here a bit."

"Uh, okay." I go to the frozen food aisle, looking at pizzas. But we already got the Thursday for that, I should find something else. There are a few expensive fish, but nah, I can't make Bakura pay-

Oh, wait. Who's paying actually?

I can't let Bakura pay. He always does. I have 15 bucks, I can buy food for the both of us.

I go back to the can aisle, but Bakura is gone. I find him in the soda corner. He points his chin at me. "You got something? No?" He carries three cans, all tomato soup. Heh, they can come in handy, I guess.

I grab a cola bottle and chuckle at him.

"What, they are 40 cents a piece, you can't beat that," he chuckles back. He grabs a big bottle of fake sprite and follows me to the frozen foods. "So what's for you? Don't tell me it's pizza."

"Nah." I pass the pizzas, he follows me. I look back. "What do you want?"

"I got everything."

I frown. "You'll eat the soup?"

He shrugs. "I'm not really hungry. And you? I got like twenty bucks, so you can get what you want."

He's so cute to me. I wanna turn around and kiss him! "No, it's fine, I have fifteen."

"From Gus?"

"Yup."

* * *

In the end, he pays for his stuff and I pay for mine. I got a fish fillet. It was twelve dollar, but so what. It feels good, this little grocery shopping with him. I got a new toothbrush and a hair conditioner as well. Bakura tells me that we'll have to add twenty degrees to what it says on the wrapper, because the oven is shit. I wonder if he'll really get full with his canned soup. He tells me he wonders if _I_ get full. The fish isn't that big. The cashier is slow but friendly and I strike up a conversation with him, talking about how nice he was to let us in and something about the weather. Bakura fakes a smile.

I giggle to myself while stepping out. Bakura is behind me. I turn around and look up to read the name of the sweet little supermarket. It doesn't really have one. It just says 'SuPERMARKET' in faded colors. I chuckle some more.

"Breaking news: Fish makes Marik happy," Bakura says. "Fish is so powerful in happy making, it makes Marik happy before he has even eaten it! It works backwards in time!" He opens his eyes wide and I laugh.

"You're funny!"

"Yeah and you," he grabs my arm and turns me around, "should watch were you're going."

* * *

"Why are you buying a new toothbrush?" Bakura asks.

"Because I used that one I found in your bathroom for three months now, it's time for a new one," I say. "You do have to replace them once in a while, you do know that, right?"

He gives me a grunt. "Yes, I know. And your shampoo? Don't like mine or what?"

"It's a conditioner, not a shampoo."

"What's that for?"

I look at him with surprise. "You don't know?"

"I have no idea. Do you use it instead of shampoo or what? Is it more powerful?"

I laugh. "Nah. You use it after the shampoo. It strengthens your hair. You may use it too."

"Eh, I think it's too late for that. My hair has a will of it's own."

I chuckle.

* * *

We arrive home.

I unpack my fish and read the instructions: "Bake in oven or in pan-"

"No pan. Oven it is." Bakura opens the mentioned item and empties it of it's contents: Two pans and two baking trays. He piles them up on a chair.

"Preheat the oven-"

"Yeah, forget about that. Who preheats. Tell me the degrees."

"300 degrees..."

Bakura turns the knob. "Only 300? Plus twenty, so we need 320."

"...for 40 minutes. Oh no." I groan. "Dammit, 40 minutes?!"

Bakura straightens. "Heh, lucky you."

I groan some more. "Ugh, what the fuck, I'm gonna starve til then!"

Bakura nods and pats my arm. "How does tomato soup as starter sound?"

* * *

Bakura's soup only takes ten minutes. We sit down on my mattress, leaning against his bed and spoon up the soup. It tastes actually good! Maybe because I'm hungry. Bakura turned the TV on one of those silent channels. I have no idea what's going on in that movie or series that plays, but it's still nice to have something to put your eyes on.

"Akefia is still not back, is he?" I ask.

Bakura shakes his head and blows on his spoon. "Don't think so."

"Hm. You don't- You won't call him?"

"What for. If something happened, I can't help him anyways. And they would call me sooner or later."

We drink a few more spoonfuls. I think it's a series we're watching. Some old sitcom of the 90's, judging by the clothing.

"I don't think I got his number anyways," Bakura mumbles.

"How can you not be sure?"

"He must have changed his number a few times since I was small." Bakura's voice gets deeper. "You lose your phone or get a new one, and you get a new number."  
Translation: His father gave him his number once when Bakura was small, but never bothered to update him since then.

"Maybe he just never changed it."

"Mh, sure."

* * *

We finish the soup and Bakura boots up his laptop so we can start a movie, while I wait for my fish. I ask him about Sherlock and Bakura agrees reluctantly, as he has seen the series three times already. He moans when I tell him I've only came til the second episode. We agree to only watch the third one, then we'll watch something new.

I friggin love Moriarty! He's freakishly cute! Bakura leans his head on my shoulder, chuckling at some scenes, while I watch in awe. In the middle of it all, we get my fish out of the oven. I get first back into Bakura's bed and tap the space bar to continue the movie, while Bakura yawns and doesn't hurry to climb back next to me.

Bakura asks me to taste my fish and I give him the fork and hold the plate under his nose, without looking away from the screen. Mmm, Sherlock and John are so cute together!

Afterwards I lie back next to Bakura, my plate still in my hand. "Oh, I wanna know how it continues!" I moan. It ended with a cliffhanger. I was so invested in it, I don't really remember how my fish tasted.

"Sorry," Bakura purrs and sits up. "Time for something new!" He reloads the main page. "Hey, yeah, what about Deadpool?" He looks at me.

My brows snap together. "I thought we would go to the cinema for this!"

He let's out a moan. "Ugh, fine." He scrolls down.

"Oh, that looks good!" I point to the screen. "'Hail Ceasar'!"

"A comedy? Yeah, sure," Bakura chuckles low.

"Hmpf. 'How to be single'?"

"That's a romance. That's even worse."

"'National Parks Adventure'!"

"No."

* * *

We settle down for 'The Gods of Egypt', since it includes something we actually have in common: Our heritage. Come to think about that, we never speak about it. But I don't really feel connected to Egypt. I was there once when I was little, and that was it. I don't really feel Egyptian, I feel American. I guess Bakura feels the same.

The movie is rather meh though. And fucking long! It's well past 1 AM as it finally ends.

"That goes straight onto the 'regret list'," Bakura says.

"Yeah, it sucked," I agree.

Bakura yawns.

We lie closely together, Bakura a bit lower than me. His hair is all over his shoulders and chest, his arm touches mine.

"Another?" Bakura asks.

"Mh, no I've had enough." I slide my arms out between Bakura and myself and stretch them, yawning. "I'm a bit tired."

"It's only 1 something," Bakura says.

I put my arms down and Bakura inches away, making room for me. "Mmm," I reply, closing my eyes. I lie silently, enjoying Bakura's presence.

Soon enough, he clears his throat. "Don't fall asleep."

"Mm."

"Hey." His voice is soothing. It's somewhere below me. He moves. "Marik." Now it's in front of me.

"What." I open my eyes and see him sitting and grinning at me.

"Why did you cut your fringe but not your back hair? You look stupid."

Too many words. "Ugh, dunno." I close my eyes again.

"Marik." He sounds angry now.

"What?"

"News update: Stupid movie about Egypt that was way too long sucks all life out of Marik and leaves him dead inside. The only known cure: Belching!"

Suddenly, Bakura's close again. He leans on one palm, which he pushes next to my head into the pillow, and moves closer. A big burp comes out of his mouth flying at me. It's loud and smelling horribly. "Eugh! Bakura!" I cry and push him away, jolting up.

He laughs tears. "Pfahahaha!"

I wipe my face off, since it feels like the burp still lingers on me. Goddammit! That smell! "You're a pig!"

His chuckles subside. "Best one."

"Ha-ha-ha!" I mock him. "Idiot."

"Weenie," he replies.

I fall on my back and sigh. "How can such a beautiful person turn such a yummy soup into something that disgusting?"

He snorts at my compliment, then grins as he thinks of an answer. "It's called digestion. Just wait until you see the final product." He laughs some more.

"Oh, Bakura!" I chuckle and kick him.

He chuckles and grabs my feet, no, just one. I manage to escape his other hand. He holds my ankle with both hands then and I pull and try to break free.

"Mmr! Lemme go!"

"Nah." He shakes his head, grinning some more. "Let's see how much you can bend..." He moves closer to me, while holding my ankle, bringing my knee slowly closer to my head.

I pout. "What's that supposed to accomplish?"

He's close to my face. "Just curious," he whispers.

My legs are quite bendable, I mean, it's nothing special, he's just bending one leg. Then he starts to lift my lower leg up though and I gasp. Now it hurts.

"Enough?" he whispers, holding my leg steady.

"Mm, a bit more," I reply.

He lifts it a few inches until I make a sound. "Hm, not bad," he grins, letting me finally go. He moves back and I put my legs back under the covers.

"What was that all about," I mumble. I sit up and push the pillow back, then put the comforter in order. Just giving myself something to do, since that - whatever he was doing with me - was awkward.

"You seriously don't know?" Bakura watches me, then gets under the covers as well.

"Something about sex," I grumble. But why am I the one who has to bend? I'm the guy, the girl has to-

Woah, okay, stop. Stupid mind, look what society has done to you! Even though I'm gay, I can't stop but always picture a man and a woman when I hear the word sex. When I hear 'sexy', I instantly see a woman in a bikini before my inner eye, even though I don't find women sexy at all! How stupid is that!?

No. I'm gay, I have no idea who bends! I glance at Bakura. Yeah, who beds? Do you bend? Or do you stick it in?

"Hm?" Bakura shakes his head in confusion. "You wanna sleep?"

"Nah, too early." I let myself fall on the pillow.

* * *

The laptop makes a quiet buzzing sound. In the distance a car drives by. Bakura lies down next to me and pulls the cover up.

"How was work this week?" he asks.

I smile. "Boring. Nothing new. Sarah fainted a few times. Harley is still nice."

"Kefia should kick Sarah out."

"Why? She's still dancing good. It's weird, she's like another person on the stage."

"Guess she does it for so long, her body just knows what to do around a pole."

"Yeah, she kinda always does the same movements, the same choreo. But she still has fans."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Some guys like the thin ones. There's a guy who really likes her and Renny, who's also thin."

Bakura moves and slides further down, his long hair not completely following him. "Do you like the thin ones?" he asks. His voice sounds muffled.

"Mm. I obviously like you," I say slowly.

"I'm not as thin as Sarah though."

"Well, that's good! When you're seeing ribs, you're too thin!"

"You _can_ see my ribs."

He's right, I saw them a few times. "I don't always see them though." I do find him a bit too thin for my liking, to be honest. But I'm not gonna tell him that.

He shrugs, his shoulder rubbing against my arm. "Sometimes I eat more, sometimes I eat less."

I frown. "Yeah, like today," I mumble. Wait, what did I see him eat today actually? He came home, I ate. I got hungry again, he ate the bag of onion chips. Not even the whole bag. Then a can of coup. "You ate way too little today," I add.

"Mh, nah, I'm good."

I sit up. "You didn't eat enough!"

"Shut up."

"Bakura."

"Stop getting worked up for nothing. I ate at school. Then again a bit when you slept. Uh, and the onion chips. And the soup."

I want to see his face to know if he's lying. "Really?"

He turns his head and our eyes meet. "Yes."

I am not sure but nod. Why would he lie.

* * *

At two, we hear the front door opening. We hear Akefia come in, take off his shoes and go into one of his rooms.

"See? Kefi's doing great," Bakura mumbles.

"Yeah, good."

A few minutes of silence pass. Another car drives by. Someone a block far away or so shouts something into the night. The city never sleeps.

"You don't care about Akefia, do you."

I turn my head to him and let out a laugh. "Why? No." This again. Why is he so persistent about that?

"Mh."

"I don't get why you ask. Are you afraid I might fall in love with him and forget you?" Fall in love with his father, nonetheless! He's a terrible person! And so old! Bakura shrugs. I laugh more.

"I know!" he sighs. "This is so stupid. But..."

"But what?"

"There was once a guy I brought home a few times," he mutters. "And Akefia caught us and... Well, the end of it is that he fell for him and bothered me to give him his phone number."

I laugh out loud. "Really? That sounds so surreal!"

"It was." Bakura moves up, coming closer. "I think he left the door open on purpose, after Kefia caught us the first time. Just to be caught again. I understand that it's somewhat of a turn on, but not when it's your own father catching you," he grumbles.

He rarely speaks of him as his father. I picture Bakura fucking some guy from behind on my mattress, both moaning; Bakura's hair moving rhythmically to their bodies, sweat on his skin. Then the door opens and Akefia's dim gaze falls on them. I continue laughing silently. "How did he catch you? Did he just come into your room?"

"Yes." Bakura nods and glances at me. "He does it sometimes. That's why I tell you to lock the door."

So weird. Having sex in your room while your parent is right in the next room. I could never do that. Even if the door is closed. Anyone in the next room could hear you! Gawd, so embarrassing!

* * *

We lie a bit in silence. Nothing comes to my mind, but it's okay. It's not awkward. I know Bakura is still awake. It's nice to just lie next to him, without him kicking me out. Maybe he lets me be, because I am on this side of the bed, next to the wall? I could climb out easily though.

I feel the urge to fart. Dammit, the beans! I try to do it silently, but one escaped my grip and Bakura starts chuckling.

"I heard that," he comments. "Stop farting in my bed."

"Uh, I can't help it," I mumble.

"You better help it, or you're out!"

"Mhhh!" I really try to! We're silent for another few minutes, until Bakura puts the cover over half his face again.

"Ughh, Marik!" He sits up. "It smells!"

"Why do you put your head under it, you idiot?" I laugh.

He lifts the blankets at the end of our feet and waves them up and down. "You're disgusting!"

"Says the guy who belches in my face!"

There's a sound coming from the hall and we stop talking. Bakura keeps waving, until the smell disappears and lies back down.

"I have no feelings towards Akefia," I whisper. "He's a mean person. I could never like somebody like that. Plus he's what, fifty?"

"Yeah, he turned fifty this year," Bakura mumbles. I'm surprised he actually keeps track of Kefia's age. Bakura shifts, inching closer to me. "You don't like older guys?" he smirks, looking me in the eyes.

I grin back. "Speaking about yourself? You're not that much older, are you. Just a few months, right?"

He shrugs and turns to his side, away from me. "I dunno. I guess I am older than you. But who knows, maybe you're older than me."

"Nope, you are older than me," I sigh. So he doesn't know my birthday. But how would he. And he's not asking. Is he afraid I might ask back? Why can't I know his birthday?

"Yeah? How do you know?"

"I just do."

"Mh."

Another break in talking. I switch lying positions as well. My butt bumps into his and he straightens up in the bed.

"Mh, don't touch my ass with yours! You're still farting, aren't you!"

"Nah, it's over for now."

"You'll surely start farting in your sleep."

"What, why?"

"You do it sometimes."

"What?! You hear me farting in my sleep?!"

He chuckles. "Don't act surprised. I do it too, don't I?"

"I can't remember."

"Hm."

I've never heard him fart in his sleep. It's nice that we have no problem to talk about that topic though and that he doesn't kick me out because of that.

"Does your father know that you are gay?" Bakura suddenly asks.

"No," I reply. I turn around on my other side. "He doesn't know me very well."

"Not? I thought he was so clingy."

"Yeah, he was, but very self-centered. He made us do things for him and spend time with him, but only activities he liked."

"What, for example?" Bakura asks. I know it's a genuine question, but it seems so strange to me that other people don't understand. It's probably the same feeling I have when I hear them having sleep overs and going on holidays together with their friends instead of their family.

"We had a board-games evening once every week, went for trip to nearby cities, or just sat together and ate, nothing special."

"Sounds boring."

"Yeah, it was sometimes." I let my gaze wander over Bakura's hair, watch him move ever so slightly, as he breathes in and out. "It was nice to have such a strong family bond though," I add. "Always someone there for you. But having us forced to spend time with him, and only him- that was wrong."

"You couldn't spend time with your friends?" Bakura turns his upper body a bit to me, I can see his frowning face.

"What friends?" I laugh. "I barely had that one friend in school: Yuugi."

"And your gf?"

"What about her? We weren't really friends," I mumble.

Bakura turns around on his other side and puts his elbow under his head. "How can you not be friends with your girlfriend?"

I shrug. "It wasn't a real relationship, I told you."

"Yeah, I understand." He looks down. "Lots of people get together just because. Just so they ain't alone." He says it in a tone that makes me think that he doesn't approve of that.

"Yes, stupid right," I say.

He looks at me. "I think it's understandable. As long as you are true to yourself and your partner, why not. But don't go around and tell everybody you found the love of your life, despite being together with someone just cause they happened to be there at that moment."

"You have to get to know them first," I agree.

"Yeah." He gives me a smirk, then he looks away, probably remembering my crush on him. "Well, I'm getting tired. Goodnight?" he smiles, his eye connecting back with mine.

"Yeah, good night," I reply, smiling back. You're not kicking me out? Yey!

* * *

We turn around at the same time, butts bumping against each other again. It must be past 3 AM, maybe even past half. I could stay up longer and talk to him; heck I could talk to him through the whole night and into the morning! But he's tired. Aw, he's so cute. And mean. But adorable.

I never wanted to speak to him again at the start of the day and now we've spend so much time talking and laughing together. My Bakura meter is full, for the very first time ever! Bakura meter. Barometer. Bakurometer? Hehe. Nah, actually it is not really full - as I said, I could talk to him forever - but the Bakurometer has exceeded the minimum and the expectations marks, so I am well satisfied. However, the whole thing would take ages to fill!

Ahh, I'm so positive again, right? What are you doing to me, Bakura! It's always you, who changes my mood around.

The pain in my heart is still there, but it is being drowned by sweet joy over this day with him. I can't help but think that he was so much nicer to me today because he broke my heart. But so what, that's what he should do anyways: Being nicer and spending more time with me!

I think I can safely say now that we're true friends. Good friends.


	25. Day 70: Shittiest Day ever

**Day 70**

* * *

 _3/01/2016 - Tuesday_

* * *

Warning: What I'm about to write down is terribly disgusting.

Sooo, I went to work today. (I'm in my room, having my break currently. Bakura is in the bed the whole day, catching up sleep.) Aaand Sarah, the pale girl went onto the stage. She doesn't go onto the stage often, she does it once an evening, and she never goes to perform for a table alone, she always uses the main stage, where she's a bit safer from close gazes.

It's quite remarkable, actually. You wouldn't guess that she has problems when she's up there. Yeah, her dancing routine is always the same, but she makes it up with her bendable body. She has her RILs (Regulars in love: Guys who think they can date her and spend lots of money on her to make her notice them.)  
Plus the lighting makes every girl look hotter and covers their 'problem zones' if they have any.

Yet when you see Sarah in the dressing room, you may not recognize her. Her pale skin isn't as white as it appears on the stage, it's a bit yellowish. There are rashes on her skin. Her eyes are unfocused. Her ribs and collarbones stick out.

* * *

So Sarah went onto the stage. It was still early, so only a few guys where there, including one of her RILs.

I was helping Mai preparing her bar, cutting fruit and checking on supplies, when suddenly we heard Renny shriek.

I looked up, to the direction of where her shriek came: The main stage.

Renny had been dancing there, together with Sarah, who was now crouching down, one hand on her mouth, the other over her stomach. I couldn't see well, but I could recognize what had happened: Sarah had shit herself. On the stage.

My first thought was: Fuck, do _I_ have to clean this up? Which was probably mean. Mai told me to wait here and rushed around the counter and turned off the four lights that point onto the stage. The few customers almost all left, while Harley, who had been strolling around in the room, tried to make them stay.

I continued cutting lemons and sliced one pineapple, just wanted to have something to do. I couldn't go up there to the stage.

But eventually I saw Mai bringing Sarah to the girl's dressing room and saw a few girls flew out of it.

Renny passed by and Voula stopped her and they started talking. I cleaned my hands and went to them.

"...clever of Mai to turn the lights off," Renny sighed.

Voula gave her trademark annoyed pose: Furrowed brows, lips pursed, one hand on her hip. "Good thing we have Marik."

I chuckled and stepped to them. "Yeah, thanks," I said sighing.

Voula turned to me. "Oh, hey." She raised her brows for a moment. "That's what you're here for, aren't you."

"Yeah," I grunted. Did I really had to clean this up? Ugh! But who else, if not me? "So what happened?"

"You saw it, didn't you?" Renny looked terrified. "She... well, she lost controll over her... bowels."

I nodded, gulping. "But why? Is she sick? I mean-" I looked down. How stupid, we all knew that something wasn't right with her. But no one addressed her problem and asked if they could help. Bakura is right. Words aren't important. Actions are. "I'm gonna go and look what's with her," I said.

"Don't forget to clean up!" Voula shouted after me. "I can smell it from here!"

Oh fuck, why me?!

* * *

I went to the girl's room. Mai was in the bathroom with Sarah, who was crying. I heard Mai comfort her, whispering 'shh' and telling her that it's all good. I went out of the room again. Anzu, Nanako and Charlotte stood near the curtain, all having her arms crossed before their chest, starring at me.

"I'm not going up to that stage tonight," Anzu huffed chuckling. "It's on the stage, right?"

"I'm gonna clean it right away," I mumbled. "Don't worry." Ugh.

"Yeah, even if you do, I- Ew." She shook her head.

"I'm just glad I haven't seen it happening." Nanako rolled her eyes.

"Akefia should have thrown that nasty bitch out a long time ago," Charlotte said. The other girls nodded.

"It's not her fault," I said immediately.

Charlotte threw her gaze on me, frowning hard. "Who's is it then?" Her tone was strong and her voice loud. She looked as if she was ready to slap me. But she always looks like that.

I shrugged. "Uh, no one's maybe?" I took a step back though. You don't fuck with Charlotte.

The other two women stared back and forth at me and at Charlotte.

"I'm going to clean it up now," I said, still not really believing that I was actually going to do that.

* * *

I tied my hair up as high as I could and put on the thickest gloves we have. I hoped we have a spare mop in the cellar. I asked Dotty to turn on one of the stage lights.

It was rather difficult not to step into the... shit. I had to work my way around, going in circles. It still felt dirty to put my shoes on the spots I had cleaned, even though I had been throughout. My poor boots!

And the smell! I breathed through my mouth and tried to put my mind onto something else. Bakura! I would see Bakura tonight. We will talk and he will be super cute and then we fall asleep together. It will be awesome, as always.

Not long, and I was done. I had cleaned the spot four times and even went over the stages edge, just to be sure. The smell was gone, I think, or maybe I just had got used to it.

I threw the mop and my gloves into the trash outside. My gloves didn't had touched any of the shit, not even the mop, but I wanted to be sure.

Next thing, I traced the way Mai and Sarah had went from the stage to the girl's room, but it seemed to be alright. Yet with the spare lighting here you can never tell. I would had to check again after we had closed up, to be sure.

* * *

So that's that. The shittiest day of my life lol.

I didn't see Sarah again. Mai told me she sent her home. Anzu came to the bar and started asking inappropriate questions like 'why couldn't she just stop being so miserable' and such, until Mai told her she should continue working.

Mai told me she would have to report that to Akefia and that Sarah was very likely to be kicked out. I gave her a look and she added: "What, do you think it would be good for her to continue working here? She's very clearly sick, Marik. No one benefits from her staying here."

Mai is right. Whatever is going on with Sarah, she has to take some time and take care of it.

* * *

I still feel dirty, even though I used gloves and washed my hands afterwards. I can't wait to tell Bakura about this, he will have a good laugh!


	26. Day 71: Measuring Tape

**Day 71**

* * *

 _3/02/2016 - Wednesday_

* * *

I still haven't found a measuring tape! I keep forgetting to ask Bakura about it!

It's weird, we seem to be closer than ever now. He's much more open comparing to before.

I write with my friend Vanessa from Tumblr every day. It's nice to have someone else I can talk to daily, besides my crush. I wrote to Jaden as well, but there is still no answer. And he still hasn't reblogged anything new. I worry, but what can I do? I have no other way of contacting him.

* * *

It's time for a shower. I grab some fresh clothes and head downstairs. Bakura seems to be at school, it's only 2 PM. His door is closed.

After my shower I notice that I forgot to get socks. Always with the socks. Gotta get some from Bakura's room. I do hope he won't get angry anymore. He seems more relaxed around me now. I walk barefoot and half naked to Bakura's door, not expecting it to be open. But as I try the handle, the door moves. Oh.

It's dark inside. Is Bakura there? "Bakura," I whisper. Maybe he's asleep?

But no answer comes and I open the door wide to let some light in. No, his bed is empty, as is my mattress and his desk. Weird.

I get myself a pair of socks. I let the towel around my hips drop to put on my clothes. I don't get far; soon the window opens. Luckily I have at least my underwear on! Bakura comes in, giving me a grunt as greeting. I do see his eyes tracing my body up and down though and grin.

"Hey. What's up?" I stand before him, with my hands on my hips, tilting my head.

He shrugs, taking off his coat. "Not much." He avoids looking at me.

"Hm." What can I say? I have to say something, otherwise it looks stupid when I just stand there. "Uh, so I wonder... With Sarah being gone..."

He turns his head to me, his eyes focused. "Yeah? Something new about that?" When I told him yesterday about that, he couldn't stop laughing.

I shrug. "I wonder if Kefia will employ a new girl now that she's away."

"Oh." He takes a seat on his bed, taking his shoes off. "I guess."

I wait for him to say something more, but he doesn't. Uh, new topic, new topic! Uh, em... "Your door wasn't locked."

He glances up, but begins to take his mobile phone out of his jeans and looks down again. "Yeah, right. I got up last night for a piss and forgot to lock it," he mumbles.

I nod. New topic, new topic... I look around in his room. What can I say, what can I say... Dammit. It's getting weird. I have no new discussion topic, so I have to get dressed. I sit down next to him and he slips away. He uses his mobile while I put on socks and pants. I can't tell how he's feeling, but he doesn't seem aggressive today.

I stand up to put on shirt and hoodie. Oh, right, I can ask him about the measuring tape! "Bakura."

"Just a moment," he mumbles without looking up.

I bet as soon as my chest is clothed, he'll look up again. Sigh. It is a bit annoying that he's avoiding to look at me. I'd rather have him look and blush. But even so it shows that he finds me attractive, so hah! Take this, 'K.'!

I am fully dressed and sit back down. He's still typing, but holds up his index finger, signaling me that he's done soon. "Alright," he says slowly and puts his phone away. "So what is it?" He turns his head to me.

"Do you have a measuring tape?" I ask.

He blinks. "Uh, yeah I guess. Somewhere in the storage room."

"Hm, I looked there. But I haven't found one."

He scratches his head. "I'm sure I saw one once." He gets up and motions me to do so too. "Come on, let's check again."

* * *

He's right, there was one in one of the many dusty boxes. I was sure I had looked through them all, but I apparently didn't. We go back downstairs.

"What do you need it for?" Bakura asks as we're back in his room. He locks his door after me.

I go to the window and slide the curtains to the side. "Want to measure myself."

"Oh." Bakura laughs. "I understand...!"

"What?" I turn around. He has this cute little smirk on his face, with his eyelids dropped down halfway and his eyebrows raised. I blink. "Noo, not like that!" I chuckle. "I mean, I feel like I grew a bit." I play with the tape in my hand. It's rolled up neatly into a small plastic cube.

"M-hm!" he makes, widening his eyes and grinning harder.

"Argh, no!" I raise my hands up in defense. "No, I mean my height!"

"Don't worry, that other thing you want to measure will surely grow as well some day," he says in a mimicking tone. He steps closer to me and pats my shoulder.

I roll my eyes at him. "Not everybody has the same problem as you have, Bakura."

He chuckles in surprise. "Hah, no, I'm perfectly satisfied with my size," he says.

I blink. Does he mean that? "Oh yeah?" I grin. "That's good for you."

"It is," he replies, crossing his arms before his chest.

We hold our positions for a short while, then I start chuckling. He turns away and clears his table for his laptop. "You need help with your measuring?" he asks.

"Uh." I had the plan to stand with my back against a wall and mark my height with a pencil, then measure the distance with the tape. But if Bakura asks me if I need his help, I'll say yes of course! "Oh yes," I answer, smiling.

"Alright, take off your pants first," he grins. "Just kidding," he adds in a lower voice.

Are you? What's with that avoiding gaze while I'm naked then?

I give him the tape and he tells me to stand against his door. Yeah, there's no free wall in here, his room is too full. I go and stand with my back against the door. He begins to stretch the tape a bit. "No wait," he mutters. "Wait, I got a better idea."

"Yeah, you can use a pencil," I say.

"That's what I was going to do," he replies, moving to his table.

He comes back, standing near me. Mm, let me touch you. He puts his hand on my shoulder, whispering "stand still". I hear him scratch a line onto the door. "Alright, move."

I leave my spot and turn around. Bakura pulls a good amount of the tape out, then brings it close to the wall, crouching down. "You're 5'6''," he says, looking up at me. "What were you before?" He stands up and turns around to me. "Hm, yeah, you do seem a bit bigger," he murmurs, bobbing on his toes.

"Oh, yeah, I was 5'5'' before!" I grin. "You sure it's 5'6''?" I grab the tape out of his hands and measure again. It's true, I got bigger! "Oh cool! I grew!" I was near the ending of the 5'5'' mark before, but now I am clearly over the 5'6'' mark!

"Yeah, congratz," Bakura sighs, stepping to his desk.

"Ah, come back here, I want to measure you too!"

He moans and sighs, but comes back to me. "Fine. I doubt I'm still growing, but whatever. I'm still bigger than you."

"Maybe in height," I comment. I grab his arms and push him close to the wall. "Stand upright."

"I am!"

"You got the pencil?"

"Yeah, here." He gives it to me.

His head is covering my mark on the door, so yeah, he's bigger than me, but I knew that already. I put on a second mark, then tell him to move. "You're 5'7''," I say.

He's already back at his desk, putting his pencil away and sitting down. "Yeah, no difference."

"But you're close to 5'8''! Where you close to 5'8'' before too?"

"Nah, I was in the middle."

"Oh, so you grew too," I mumble. I walk over to him and watch him waiting for his computer to boot.

He looks over his shoulder to me. "You sound disappointed."

"Yeah, I thought I was getting closer to your height."

He chuckles. "You wish."

I pout. Well, the game is not over yet! We're still growing, right? I can still catch up to him, maybe even surpass him! I go back to the door, looking at the carved markings. I'm gonna check our heights regularly now. And I need to stretch! I need to stretch a lot more! Bakura is a smoker anyways, and smoking stops growing, so my chances are good!

I look at the tape. On the other side are the same numbers but it different distances. "CM" it says next to the first one. Oh right, centimeters! I measure our heights again with the European unit. By centimeters, I am 167 and Bakura is 171. Kinda sounds like he's a whole lot bigger.

I walk back to him, while remembering that I have to stretch! I move my arms up as far as I can. "Nnng!"

"What are you doing?" Bakura mumbles.

* * *

I'm taking the measuring tape upstairs with me, then come back down with my tablet. Time to play Candy Crush while Bakura chats with his lovers! Grr.

Soon enough, his mobile starts to vibrate. I am lying on the bed, near the phone. I can see the picture of an young man on it. And one letter under the picture: 'K.' Bakura quickly grabs the phone, glances at me and puts it on his ear. "Yeah." He turns away. A break. "Mm, yeah." Another break. "Yes, sounds good." Another break, a bit longer this time. "Well..." Bakura chuckles. "I don't want to be... uh, mean."

Is he talking about me? No, he isn't. Is he?  
I try to continue playing but all I do is swiping the wrong candy which cannot be swiped.

"Yeah, see you," Bakura mutters, then hang up.

What a short call. Does that mean they'll see each other tonight? Bakura takes his phone to his desk, but gives me another glance beforehand. I pretend that I haven't noticed and play on. _...don't want to be mean._ That does sound as if he was talking about somebody else! But not me, no, I should stop being so conceited!

Bakura doesn't say anything and I don't either. He types a bit more, but soon, he turns around to me, staring at me. I've noticed, but I wait for him to say something.

"Marik," he says.

"Mm." I lost the game and retry it. He keeps staring and I look up. "What?"

"I'm gonna be away for tonight. Don't wait for me, okay?" He smiles.

I nod, then look down at my tablet again. Yeah, go and fuck your lover, what do I care.

* * *

Bakura sits down on my mattress and turns on the PlayStation. I turn around on his bed so that I can see the screen. Oh no, he's starting his stupid race game with that stupid song. My five available lives on Candy Crush are used up anyways, so I turn the tablet off and sit down next to him.

Aand there is the song! Some upbeat music, then: ' _Hello little boys, little toys! Were the dreams you're believing...!_ '

"Ugh." I look up at the ceiling and stick my tongue out.

Bakura chuckles. "What?"

It's weird, his voice seems so much softer since the phone call. As if he's feeling sorry for me. I don't want to be pitied though! "That song. Is there only this one song in the entire game?" I ask way too loud.

"No, but you can switch to the next one," he explains. "I happen to like it a lot, so I switch until it comes."

"How aren't you sick of it?" I ask grumpily and cross my arms before my body.

He glances at me. "You wanna race me? Here, grab the other controller. It must be behind the TV." He points to it.

I'm not in the mood for that, but alright. I shrug and crawl to the TV, then feel around it, until I find the second controller. I move backwards and sit down again. I stare at the controller and put my thumbs on the two button-stick thingies and move them around.

He exits his game and moves down in the menu, then selects the race route and his car. "Look, the cars on the right side of the list are faster, but are harder to handle them. The ones on the left side are slower, but better to handle."

"M-hm." I get a car in the middle of the list.

"The X button is for acceleration, the square is for the break. You steer with either the arrows or with the left stick."

I put my fingers on the mentioned buttons and nod.

Bakura starts the game. It's fast and blurry. No high resolution and almost real life graphics like the PlayStation 4 I saw in ads and in the mall. The pixels seem all smudged. I crash into the wall way too often and end up being on the last place. Dammit!

I turn my head to him. "Again!" I demand. He smirks and starts the same game another time.

* * *

We play for a few rounds, always with the same cars and the same route. I always end up on the last place, the sixth. I do race Bakura, but there are always four other NPC cars racing with us. I ask Bakura to switch cars and he goes back to the menu. This time I select a car more on the right side. The old one was way too slow. Bakura picks a different route. We play again and I end up being on the third place. Bakura is always the first.

"Oh, why?" I grunt and put the controller down.

Bakura chuckles. "Don't worry, you'll learn."

"What are you doing on this game if you're already first place?" I look at him and he looks back. It's the first eye contact after his phone call and I feel weird to look at him, he seems to feel the same. We quickly disconnect our gazes.

"I don't play the race, you need a second person for that. I try to win the challenges, so that I can unlock new cars and stuff."

"Oh," I comment. I don't really care.

I move back on Bakura's bed and ask him if I may turn on his desk lamp, because I want to read a bit.

"Sure," he whispers and gets up to turn the lamp on for me.

Ugh. Again, he only does it because he feels bad for me, I am sure! But okay, I let him, why not. I lie down on my stomach and read the fourth issue of Ja-Dou. It doesn't really help to get my mind off of Bakura, because one of the characters in the manga looks very similar too him! Ughh, if only he would love me as much as Keika and Teiou love each other! I put the book over my face and sigh loudly.

* * *

At six, I go downstairs to work. Bakura looks at me as says "see you" and smiles. I don't smile back but reply with a "yeah" and head down. Uh, the one thing I like about him the most was his honesty. But now he tries to be nicer. Okay, that's not that bad. It means I am important enough that he feels bad for breaking my heart.

Ugh, but I don't care about the reasons. Whatever he does now, I won't like it. I thought I was over this whole thing, but no, I am not. How can I be, when I see him every day? But then again, I do _need_ to see him, or else I feel lonely. Uhhhh, there's just no way I can be happy, is there?

It's Wednesday, that means Gus should appear tonight. I spend all my money on food and am broke. I could use a few dollars.

At eight, the older, balding man comes through the front door. The evening is rather slow, so his table - table 40 - is unoccupied. I instantly go to him. Maybe by showing up fast, I get a higher tip? He's grinning as he sees me and runs his eyes over my body. Ew, ew, ew! I smile at him.

I take my break at ten. I don't want to be predictable for Bakura any longer. He told me once that he can read me like an open book. Pfah! No, you can't. My life doesn't revolve around you! I mean, in a way it does. But it shouldn't! I will take breaks at unpredictable times and... do other unpredictable things so you will be surprised and...

I don't know what I want to accomplish by that. I am so full with emotions, I just want to... do something!

Oh, I could put on make-up for Gus, maybe he'll like it and give me more money!

I don't have any make-up with me, but I will ask one of the girls to lend me some. Hah, I miss putting on eyeliner.

* * *

Bakura is still in his room when I enter. He gives me a nod, because he's on the phone. His posture is much more relaxed though compared to before.

"With you?" he asks surprised, then laughs. "Hahaha, you're so fucked!" He laughs some more. "Whatcha gonna do?" A pause. "Oh my god, yeah, I wouldn't know either." It sounds like he's talking to one of his friends from school.

I stand by the door and watch him. But wait - why, actually? Why am I coming into his room? Ugh, I'm gonna make myself a snack.

I close his door again and look into his cupboard. Cornflakes, honey, mustard, pickles... Oh, if we've got bread, I'll make myself a sandwich. We got bread, but no cheese. Dammit. I fish two pickles out of the jar and eat them. Mh, so much for my snack.

Uh, and what now? I don't feel like going back into my room. I do wanna see him. He's out later, so I should visit him now. Uhh, but it hurts. And it hurts too, when I don't see him! Goddammit! I put my head between my hands and let out a sob.

I thought I was over this. Stupid Bakura! Stupid ugly 'K.'! I don't like your face!

I'm sitting on the dirty floor in the kitchen, crying with a pickles jar in my lap. What has my life become? I was the A-student, the best one. I had an amazing future ahead of me and now I'm here, stuck, crying over a guy.

There are no tears coming though, so I knock at his door. I don't really have a choice, I guess. I can't avoid him. Even if I would sleep upstairs again, the heater would fail sooner or later, so I would have to come back downstairs. Plus I would see him now and then on the way to the kitchen and to the bathroom. It's better when I get through this and endure as much as I can now. It _will_ get better, right...?

"You don't have to knock," Bakura says. I go inside.

He's on his bed going through the manga I've been reading before. "This is such a silly manga," he says.

"I find it cute," I reply.

He sits up to make room for me and I sit down next to him. "I read it when I was like 12. It's so stupid, they all behave so girlish."

"You look like Keika, have you noticed?"

He looks up at me, surprise on his face. No, wrong. You're so much prettier than Keika. "What? Whatcha talking about?"

"Here." I grab the book out of his hands. "You have the same face. And hair." I find a page where the character is being shown in full display and hold it up for him to see. "Don't you see the similarity?"

He pouts. "Of course I'm the only demon in the whole story."

I chuckle. "What, would you rather be an angel?"

"Nah." He takes the book back. "I'm a demon, alright. And which one are you then?" He smirks at me.

"Huh, Teiou maybe...?" I glance away. Of course I would like to be the lover of the character that looks so much like Bakura!

"Pff, you're more like Ashray."

"What? Why? I'm never this angry as he is!" I protest.

"Yeah, but you're both a bit slow in the head, so-"

"I'm not slow in the head!" I flash my teeth and huff.

Bakura presents me a full grin. "So much for not being angry. Now you only need to dye your hair and-"

"Bakura." Suddenly, it's too much. I let my head drop. He's too much. He's so nice and wonderful and I need him so much. But he doesn't.

I know, I know, I'm like a broken record, lamenting over the same thing again and again. Boohoo, poor me! I'm not the first person who's got his heart broken and I won't be the last. I should move on and find somebody else.  
But my pain is real and I feel it with every breath take. A sting in my heart, going all the way through. It feels like a needle. Sometimes I manage to pull the needle out of my heart, just a bit. But now it's deeper in than ever.

Bakura let's his hands and the book drop in his lap. "What," he says between his teeth. He's sounds angry? He was so nice, just a moment ago.

I look up and see him furrowing his brows, looking unsure what to say. There's no pity in his eyes anymore.

"It's nothing," I mutter and get up. "I'm gonna eat something."

* * *

I make myself a bowl full of cornflakes and milk and eat it alone in the kitchen.

Bakura being suddenly angry was good actually. It's the pity I can't stand. Better be angry and mean, maybe I can develop a hatred for you. Hating someone is always easier than loving them.

Afterwards I go to the girl's room. There is Tina, eating some pre-packed meal in front of the mirror. I ask her if she can lend me an eyeliner and she nods. "It's in my bag, wait." She jumps of the chair and opens her locker, then searches through her bag. "What is it for?" she asks, while handing me it.

"Eh, there's this one customer, who apparently likes boys," I say, chuckling. I take a seat in front of the mirror and close one eye. "I have the feeling he might like me seeing like this," I say slowly, as I trace the eyeliner around my eyelashes.

It's bullshit though. I doubt he'll notice me wearing eyeliner in that dark room. I do it for myself, to make myself feel better. I like wearing make-up and being sexy and everybody should see that. Especially Bakura. But I don't care what he thinks about me, I just want him to see me.

Okay, of course I care.

"You sure I shouldn't do this for you, hun?" Tina smiles.

"Thanks, I got it." I'm done with the first eye, now onto the next.

Tina leans closer to me and watches me while I finish up. "Hey, you're not bad for a boy." She cracks a laugh. "Where have you learned those skills?"

I snort a laugh back. I should move too much now, I want my eyes to be perfect. As I'm done, I lean back and move my head from side to side to examine my eyes. "Yup, looks fine," I grin. I give Tina the eyeliner back. "Thanks."

* * *

I waltz back into the room and pass table forty. Gus waves me over and I rush to him, beaming with joy. I have no idea where this joy comes from, it's probably the make-up. I'm in the mood to dance around in the room to the catchy music!

Gus orders some cocktail and I nod and grin and go to Mai, wait for her to make the drink, then go back to my fan. I go to Mahad in the kitchen and do the dishes and occasionally check on Gus.

And get another cocktail for him, go back to Mahad and blah blah blah...!

At the end, I get $13 as tip! Hell yeah! I flash a big grin at Gus, which is sincere - because I'm happy about the money - and he grins back. As I'm collecting the glasses into the bus tub, Gus stands up and puts on his jacket. I hold the bus tub up with one hand and lean over the table to clean it with a rag with my other hand. I'm cleaning and Gus stands up, grinning again at me. I smile back and he moves out of the booth. There's enough space for him, so I don't move away, but wipe the table.

He passes me and hits my butt with his elbow. Okay, more like my hip. He mumbles a "sorry" and chuckles, then goes. I stand up and stare after him, wondering if it was a mistake. I'm too perplexed to say something and soon he's outside.

It was a mistake, right? Ughh, I almost got over how disgusting that freak is, and now he made me hate him again! Ew!

I bring the glasses back to the bar and clean them right up.

Dotty rushes to the counter. "So what, you got a tip?" she asks, handing me more glasses.

"Yup, 13 dollar!" I grin.

"Aw, awesome!"

* * *

Some while later, after I'm done with the glasses, Mai nudges me in the side. "Tomorrow is Mahad's birthday."

"Oh," I say. "So?"

"We'll buy a cake and give it to him. Usually we can't celebrate every birthday of everybody here," Mai sighs, "but we didn't celebrated his in a while, so... You're in, too?" She looks at me.

"What do you mean 'in'?" I ask. "But yeah, why not." I still don't feel like I have bonded with Mahad. He doesn't seem to like me, so this is a good opportunity to try and make him like me!

"Ah, I just mean stand there next to us and sing 'Happy Birthday', nothing more," she laughs. "We have collected a bit money, but you don't-"

"Oh, I can pitch in a bit!" I say quickly.

"You really don't have to," she says.

"No, no, it's fine," I say as I grab the ten dollar out of my pocket. "Here." I can't stand next to Mahad and wish him well and _not_ having pitched in!

Mai collects it and hands me a card with some flowers illustrated on it. I write my name under all the other names.

* * *

I'm still not sure with Gus. Alright, let's say it was a mistake. He was intoxicated. But if it happens again then I'll kick his ass!

I wonder how old Mahad is. 35 maybe? Tomorrow I'll know.

It's a quarter past two as I'm finally upstairs.  
Bakura is not there, oh, right. I forgot. He's with 'K.', this time I know it for sure. I undress and go under my covers. Hm.

Bakura's bed is more comfortable. Or my own. Yeah, why do I have to sleep here? Bakura isn't there. When he'll be back, I'll be asleep anyways. And when I'll be awake, he'll either be gone or be still asleep. So what's holding me here?

I get up and collect my blankets and my pillow and go upstairs.

* * *

 **A/N: Aww, thank you for your review, Guest! I'm happy that this story has actually a few readers :)**


	27. Day 72: Superior and Inferior

**Day 72**

* * *

 _3/03/2016 - Thursday - Mahad's birthday_

* * *

I don't see Bakura today. I eat a bit in the kitchen, then do my usual stuff and soon enough it's time for work.

I would like to read the last two issues of 'Ja-Dou' but that's not worth to go into Bakura's room.

So I bore myself in my room upstairs until it's a quarter to six. Mai told me to come a bit earlier, to celebrate Mahad's birthday.

It's quiet when I step into the dark empty club. On the counter, there it is: The cake. A white one, decorated with strawberries. Looks yummy! Suddenly Danny (one of the waitresses) jumps up from behind the counter, holding a large knife. I step backwards in surprise and she giggles and mutters "sorry".

I laugh back. "I hope that knife is for the cake."

I hear laughter coming from the kitchen and go inside. Two of the cooks and three girls - Anzu, Christine, Samantha - plus Mai stand outside next to the kitchen exit, all grinning at Mahad, who's actually smiling. I've never seen him smile before. As I come closer, the eyes drop on me for a short while, then back to Mahad. "Hey, Marik!" - "Come in, uh, I mean out!" - "Hello!" - "Hi!" they say to me and I grin and step into the circle.

"I think that's all of us," Mai says, and crinkles her nose at Mahad. "Come here, you smelly cook!" She keeps her hands behind her back.

He leans down to her and she gives him a big kiss on his cheek, fully with a loud smack and all. Everybody laughs. "Thanks for that," he laughs and points at his cheek, where the smudged traces of Mai's lipstick form a pair of lips. Everybody laughs again.

Mai grins widely, her white teeth shining between her still strong lipstick. "Don't worry, it was for free." A short pause which is filled with more laughter. "Alright, enough of this, hm?" Suddenly she has an envelope in her hands and gives in to Mahad. "Here, from all of us."

Mahad opens the envelope and finds the card with the illustrated flowers along with some money. He reads the card and nods, a small smile still on his lips.

At the same time Dotty and Danny come out from inside, carrying the cake. "Happy Birthdaaay..." they begin and everybody else chimes in. Mahad's mouth opens up in surprise and he smiles strongly. A few creases appear in the corner of his eyes.

I sing along and laugh along. It's nice to see Mahad happy! Sure, he doesn't break out in tears or starts dancing, but we genuinely made him happy and that's what it's about. Dotty and Danny carry the cake around us while we sing, as if they were carrying a prince around. They are going in a long circle around us, then head back inside. We follow them to the bar, as there is way to little space in the kitchen for all of us.

One thing is curious: Why are Anzu, Christine and Samantha here, or wait, I mean rather: Why is it _only_ them? I guess they don't see much of Mahad when he's all night in the kitchen and they are all night on stage, but as Mahad said it once "the club is our family", so why not come? Of the cooks only two came as well. And what about Akefia? He's the owner of this club and he's the one person that is practically never downstairs. Apart from Bakura.

Oh, here we go again. Why can't you stop thinking about _him_ , stupid brain?

* * *

Danny gets the biggest knife I think we have and cuts up the cake. Everybody gets a slice. We sit down in the girl's dressing room. Mahad and Mai sit at the table, while four of us sit at the mirror. The others stand.

I'm sitting at the mirror, as Christine comes into the room, being one of the last ones to get a cake. "Hey, move," she says to me and I frown at her.

"There's a free seat right here," I say and cut a large piece of my cake with my fork.

She huffs but steps next to me and sits down.

Anzu glances at us and widens her eyes - her mouth is too full too speak. She clearly wants to give a comment, but Christine ignores her and so do I, and so she remains silent and listens to the conversation at the table.

Mahad talks with Mai about the last shipment. Something about some jars not being correctly closed, while she listens and nods. Uh, boring. Samantha tries to strike up a conversation with Anzu, saying that it's nice to meet with everybody like that. But Anzu just shrugs and comes to us.

"Sit down, you're making me nervous," Christine says to her.

"Noo, I'm good," Anzu sighs, lifting her shoulders up and down. "I feel so tensed today."

Danny comes in, being the last one to get a slice, since she was the one cutting them. She takes the last free seat next to Christine and smiles at us. Christine doesn't smile back, but I do.

Christine didn't even glance at us. She stands up and moves to Anzu. "Uh. Gonna stand too."

Samantha takes her seat. She stabs a big part of her cake and hums: "Mmm, it's really good!"

"Yeah, very yummy!" I agree. White chocolate cake tends to be very sweet - too sweet sometimes - but this one isn't, as there is little to no sugar in the batter; the strawberries help balancing the sweetness out as well. Soley the top part, the white chocolate, is as sweet as sweet is possible. I wonder if I could grab a slice for Bakura, but I guess that would be weird to do. "Did someone make it, or did you buy it?" I look to Danny.

"Oh, Dotty and I went I bought it an hour before," Danny says, pushing her glasses up her nose.

Dotty, standing near Mahad and Anzu, perks up as she hears her name and steps to us.

"Mmm, I could eat the whole cake!" Samantha giggles.

I nod in agreement.

"You better not," Christine says slowly and Anzu giggles.

"Aw, don't be so mean," she rolls her eyes playfully and giggles some more.

We four stare at the two. Samantha is a bit bigger, but not overweight. She's a good dancer on stage and a lot of customers like her for 'having something to hold onto'.

Samantha huffs but doesn't say a word. Dotty and Danny exchange gazes. "Shut the fuck up," I say. What is this, high school? I would expect the girls in my class to act like that, but not those grown women.

Silence falls upon the room. Mahad and Mai look at us. Was I too loud? Oh, I'm so sorry. ...Not. Hmpf. Christine is the bad one here, not me.  
Anzu glances as Mai and Mahad, then looks back to me. She crosses her arms before her chest and pushes her lower lip out. Christine's smug expression drops and she throws me a glare. But nothing aside from that happens, so I continue eating my cake. Mai and Mahad resume their conversation.

* * *

Surprisingly I have a normal quiet workday after that. Christine does throw more ice-cold looks at me and Anzu sighs whenever we're near, but apart from that, they are silent. Huh, another thing they have common with the girls in my class: They are afraid of actual confrontation. I feel proud of myself.

In my break, I go upstairs and into Bakura's room. I do miss him. It's okay when I see him a bit, I guess.

He's at his desk, his hand supporting the weight of his head, the other scribbling something in a notebook. The corner of his mouth hang low, his eyes seem tired.

"Hey," I say.

He blinks and turns to me. "Oh, hey." His hands fall onto the notebook, trying to hide it under them. But I've seen it. "You're sleeping here tonight?" Hah, so you do wonder where I was last night.

I shrug. "Hm, I guess." I lie down on his bed and put my arms under my head. "Unless you're going out."

He chuckles. Oh my, I love this sound. "Why?" he asks.

"Why? Why should I sleep here when I won't talk to you before falling asleep?"

He hides the notebook in the drawer under his desk and turns on his chair to face me. "Yeah, but you did it before." It's not a question, more like a statement.

I shrug. "Yeah, that was dumb."

"Hm." I don't look at him directly, so I cannot tell what his facial expression is. "I'm gonna go to sleep a bit earlier today," he says and adds a yawn. I sit up. He does look tired, his eyelids are hanging lower than usual. "I gotta concentrate a bit on school," he says between his teeth and with a disgust on his face, as if he has something sour in his mouth. "Can't believe I just said that." He snorts.

"Oh," I comment. No pizza night then right? It _is_ Thursday, isn't it-

"Soo," his gaze falls on me. "We'll go out eating tomorrow, alright?" He tilts his head and gives me a smirk. "Seeing that I forgot about it last week as well, I'm in for some big meal, eh?"

My mood is a bit better today, yet I always feel sad when I think about him these days. And yet! When he looks at me like that, I forget my pain.  
A grin pushes it's way on my lips. "No, it's fine. It's not your duty to feed me."

"Feels like it though, to be honest," he sighs.

Why does it feel like it? Am I so clingy or is it because _you_ have the need to take care of me? I shake my head. "Okay, if you insist. Where do we go?"

"Let me figure that out tomorrow," he says.

"Why do you have to concentrate on school?" I ask.

He shrugs. "Exams are coming and stuff. I _should_ try and pass my classes this time." He rolls his eyes, then looks down. "Not that it matters."

"Oh, it does matter!" I chime in. I slide closer to the end of the bed; closer to him. "You should try and finish school to get a good job."

He shoots his glare at me, pinning me with his eyes on the bed. I don't dare to move. "Yeah, you think I don't know that?" he huffs.

Right, of course he does. I sound like a mother would. "Right, sorry," I mumble, scratching my head, looking down.

I feel his gaze on me for the next few seconds. I better don't say anything. "Mh," he makes and gets up. "Speaking of shit-dleton, I should finish a few assignments, ugh." He grabs his backpack, that has been lying on top of a few empty beer bottles, and pulls a notebook out.

I lie back down and stretch my limbs. Uhh! My legs are already hurting from running back and forth in the club.

"I suppose it's no use to ask you for help, is it," Bakura grumbles. "I have to do this shit myself, otherwise I don't learn anything, right?"

I sit up straight. He asks me for help? "What, no, sure you can ask me." My heart is beating faster, for no good reason. He asks me for help, aww, isn't that cute? I move next to his desk and take a good look at his notebook. "What is it? Physics?"

"Chemistry," he growls.

I come closer, putting my arm on his chair, and lean over his desk. Salt acid, sulfuric acid, boric acid... Okay, acids. And some bases here on the other page. "Wait, let me read. Which task don't you understand?"

"All of them!" Bakura chuckles, hiding a whimper in it.

I would like to sit down and read it carefully. But I have little time left and should go downstairs soon. "Mh, alright." I skip the introduction on the top page - I've had this topic last year - and read the first task: Write down the names of the acids and bases as chemical formula. Huh, pretty easy. "Here you just have to write down the chemical formula for all of those," I say, looking at him.

He furrows his brows at the paper. "Mh, yeah."

"You don't know them?"

"No, how would I know them, this shit teacher doesn't teach us a thing!" he huffs, leaning back and crossing his arms before his chest.

"Well, then look them up on the net," I say. "That task is just there so you learn the acids' and bases' formula by heart, nothing more. That's often the first task in an exam."

He breathes out loudly and glances at me. "Mh, alright." He leans closer to his desk again. "And what about the third one here? I get the second task, but the third..." He put his finger next to the written words of the task. "You gotta go, right? Just tell me quickly what it's about."

I lean closer as well.

Hah, how cute though. I'm Bakura's teacher! My nerdiness does come in handy! I explain the third and the fourth task to him, and he nods and looks terribly annoyed. But he listens. It's interesting how quickly his confidence vanishes in front of some simple homework. Finally, he grabs a pencil and his phone, to google the formula names, but not without lots of grumbling about how stupid that homework is.

I grin and chuckle at him. "Be a good student and finish them all, before I'm back!" I say.

He's annoyed and shakes his head, but smirks. "Mmh, but sure, Mister Marik!"

* * *

I feel so much better. Anzu and Christine still hate me, but I care even less now after helping Bakura. Oh, I could help him with his homework every day! It would fill that hole that I have since I've been working here plus Bakura would actually do his homework and get better at school. Mmm, and it's kinda hot to play the teacher, heh. One of the few times where I feel superior to him.

Mahad is strict with me again this evening. You wouldn't know it was his birthday today. The few left-over slices of the cake are nowhere to be seen. The two cooks that were there before six don't comment on his day of honor and I don't either. Okay, yeah, they are all older, so I guess it's not as important as it would be for me, but still. If today isn't a special day, _when_ is?

After work, I go upstairs, wondering how Bakura did with his assignment. He told me he would go to sleep earlier, so I don't knock but slip inside his dark room. Yup, he's asleep, judging from the breathing that comes from his bed.

I undress in silence and lay down on my mattress. I would like to take a peek on his homework, but it's too late for that now. And it's not really my responsibility either.

Weirdly enough, I can't fall asleep. I have no trouble to fall asleep upstairs without talking to Bakura before, but here it's difficult. My mind is waiting for the ritual, searching for topics with him to discuss. I turn around on my side and look up to him, but my eyes haven't adjusted to the dark yet.

Suddenly something buzzes and a light pops up from Bakura's bed. I sit up. It's his mobile. He's getting a call from 'K'. It's the same picture: He isn't smiling on it but still looking at the camera, so he knew Bakura was taking a picture of him and wasn't smiling on purpose. Weird. Ugh, does Bakura have more pictures of him? Oh damn, they may even be sexting. Are there dick pictures of 'K.' on his phone...? Mhhrrr, stop calling you idiot, Bakura is asleep. Luckily you haven't woken him up.

When the buzzing stops I grab the phone and put it on the desk, in case he tries to call again. Then I go back into my bed and pull the covers over my head.

And I feel inferior again.

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you Veronika san and Guest! \^o^/ Reviews always make my day and motivate me to write on :) I know that this story is overloaded with details and is progressing sooo slowly, which is why I am positively surprised that someone still sticks with it! ^w^**

 **Guest: Ulterior motives... Yeah, Bakura is a pretty complicated person with hidden depths and thoughts. Glad, that it's noticeable! :)**


	28. Day 77: Laughter

**Day 77**

* * *

 _3/08/2016 - Tuesday_

* * *

Bakura broke his promise. We weren't out eating last Friday, because 'K.' called. Bakura went out to visit him during my break; at least he apologized. I told him that it was fine, yet I couldn't change the expression on my face, making my feelings obvious.

He's nice enough to me as it is, right? Why would he care about my feelings anyways? Ah, and I'm still hurt and disappointed! As Bakura said about his relationship with Zorc: If we just meet without much recurring habits, without routine, it would be fine, because then we can't get disappointed. But we already pretty much established two rituals - talking before sleeping and pizza Thursday - so I naturally look forward to those, and when those rituals get broken, I get frustrated.

He said it himself! He feels disappointed, when we don't see each other! And yet, he's breaking them himself. Ugh.

Nothing has changed.

* * *

Yesterday he has been sleeping during the day. I woke him up when I barged in in the late afternoon, but he fell back asleep quickly. Aw, my poor cutie. He's tired of being awake for school plus having to visit 'K.' so often.

I watched him a bit sleeping and listened to his snores while finishing reading Ja-Dou. Ugh. Those characters in that manga have so stupid problems. Two of them are already together yet they feel insecure about the other. The other two get together during the narrative of the series and sleep with each other and clearly love each other, still they have trouble saying 'I love you' to the other. Why? I don't get it. Those characters are so weak.

I laugh at them, but I'm stupid myself. So what if Bakura didn't go out eating with me? _I've_ been too weak this whole time myself! Telling Christine to shut up felt _soooo_ good, even if it was mean. Someone had to tell her that a long time ago!

* * *

I go downstairs, Bakura's door is open and the shower is running. So he just got up at what? I check my watch. At 3PM. Or did he come back from school?

I go into his room. More chemistry tasks on his desk. Aw, he's learning for school! I feel proud.

I prepare myself a meal out of yesterdays left-overs: Pasta with tomato sauce. And sit down on his bed. His laptop is on. I scroll down the site which looks like some weird forum but I don't get what it is about. Too many topics that don't have anything in common. 'Reddit' is says on the left corner. Weird site.

Bakura comes back, dressed only in pants. I run my eyes over his chest. "Mm, hey," I mumble. Wait. Is that a bruise around his neck?!

"Hey." He rubs a towel over his head, casting a shadow over his face and neck and I cannot see the bruise anymore. "Ugh, go away from my laptop," he says, shooing me. He sits in between me and his computer and claps it shut. "I made my physics but the teach never collected them," he sighs. "Cause some stupid parent wanted to talk to him during class. Asshole."

"The parent came in, just like that?" I ask, shoveling pasta into myself. "Don't you have parent's night?" I try to casually let my gaze wander down to examine his neck, but now his hair is in the way, going all over his shoulders and the most most of his neck. Dammit.

Bakura looks at me. "Some people feel entitled to do whatever they want," he grumbles. He puts the towel aside and pushes his fringe out of his face. Some of his hair moves and I glance back at his throat. Yeah, there's definitely red on it. Bakura huffs and closes his eyes, looking like he wants to add something more. "The parent obviously couldn't wait another month. Tss."

I shrug. "Some parents are weird. My father liked to call our school to make appointments with the teachers all the time. But he never just went into a class."

Bakura blinks. "Appointments? Huh, for you?"

"No, for Ishizu," I reply. "She was the bad apple. She's doing better now in college, I think." It's difficult to maintain eye contact. I want to reach out and shove the hair away. Why is your throat reddish?!

"Mm." Bakura stands up and goes to his closet, searching for something to wear. "Having to repeat the year is good for something; At least I don't have to go to that stupid 'book night' tomorrow."

"Book night?"

"Yeah. One night in the library for the juniors. Reading and staying over night with your whole class. Pff. Zorc has to go though, haha."

With his hair being all over his shoulders, I can see his bare back. I spot a few other bruises here and there, but those could come from bumping into something. "Oh, sounds good actually," I comment.

Bakura found a shirt and puts in over his head. "Really?" he asks with a muffled voice. He pushes his head through and pulls the shirt's end into his pants. "Eh, why am surprised. Nerds love reading." He grabs his hair and pulls it out of the shirt.

I pout. "Not only that. It's also fun to spend time with your classmates."

He turns to me. "You weren't very popular at your school, were you?"

I purse my lips in annoyance. "Mhh."

"Or maybe your class had decent people in it," he sighs.

"I doubt that." I say.

"Why did you want to spend time with them, then?" He climbs onto his bed and lies down behind me on his stomach. He opens his laptop and clicks on something.

I shrug. "I don't know, I wanted them to like me."

"Why?" He's refreshing the site he's on, but it doesn't change.

Huh, why actually. "Hm, I don't know. I just want to be liked I guess."

He looks over his shoulder at me. "Not everybody can like you, Marik," he sighs. "And that is alright. Some people just don't match."

"Oh." Do _we_ match? "You like me," I mumble.

"Ugh, please don't make me confirm that."

* * *

Bakura is right, though. I can't make all people like me, but it's okay. If Mahad doesn't like me, it's alright. We don't have to get friends. I have enough people here liking me. Mai for example. The waitresses. Some of the strip girls. And of course Bakura.

He spends some time on the internet, clicking on some pictures and gifs and reading walls of text. I watch him while I finish my meal, then go wash up.

He's still reading something and laughing when I come back. I lie down next to him and he doesn't move away, even though my arm brushes his. "Okay, what's so funny?" I ask.

"Here, this joke," he says and points at the screen.

I mumble it out loud: "'Why didn't the terminator upgrade to windows 10? I asked him and he said, 'I still love vista, baby!'' Pff, it's not that funny." I still smile, because he is smiling.

"Okay, wait." He scrolls down and clicks on the next: "'Spend over an hour at the wife's grave this morning. Bless her, she thinks I'm digging a pond.'" He frowns, then widens his eyes and bursts out laughing. "Oh, I get it, do you get it?" He looks at me.

I press my lips together. "No... I think the wife's dead, why would she-"

"No, that's the joke. You think she's dead, but she's alive and he's digging the grave for her to kill her, you know?"

"Oh!"

"Okay, next one: 'What do you call a broken can opener? A _can't_ opener.' Bwahaha!"

"Heh." I put my hand on the touch pad and click the next joke open. "'What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? Mainly, the taste.' Oh, eww!"

Bakura laughs out loud, shoves my hand away and opens the next one: "'A blonde woman walks into a library and talks to the lady at the front desk and says: 'I'll have a cheeseburger, a large fry, and a pepsi.' The lady replies: 'Ma'am, this is a library.' The blonde looks around, then whispers: 'I'll have a cheeseburger, a large fry, and a pepsi.' Eh."

"Mh." I push my hand next to Bakura's. "'According to my doctor it would be best for my health to stay away from trans fats. I'm really gonna miss Tumblr.' Hhhahaha, that's mean!"

"But true," he chuckles. He let's his hand close to mine, not minding the touching. "'First day as drug dealer: *Giggles "Coke isn't available, is Pepsi ok?" *Gets stabbed.' Lol!"

"That one was okay," I say. "'My internet was down for five minutes today. So I went downstairs and spoke to my family. They seem like nice people.' Hah!" I genuinely laugh and Bakura does too.

"'What does baby computer call his father? Data.' Huh? Oh!" Bakura looks at me and says the last word again, mimicking baby speech: "Data!"

You're so freakishly cute! I chuckle at him, then look back at the screen. "'What do you call a time traveler who masturbated in the future? A blast from the past!'"  
At this one, we both crack up and start laughing and cackling uncontrollably. Bakura bites his lower lip first, but soon let's it out loud. I can't stop shaking. A blast from the past! "Hahahaha, so stupid!"

"Blast from the past!" Bakura repeats. "Oh my god!"

While laughing, our hands remain on the touch pad, touching each other. His is remarkably warm.

Then Bakura's phone vibrates and he gets up to get it.

* * *

It doesn't seem to be 'K.', phew. Bakura lays back next to me, still giggling. "Huh? Oh, we're just reading jokes. What?" We! He said ' _we_ '! "Yup, him." Me? He mentions me! "Ugh. Whatever, what's up? Excited about tomorrow?" Bakura grins. Ah, is it Zorc he's talking to? "Pff, then don't go, simple as that." He listens, then rolls his eyes. "Oh wow, look who's turning into an ass sucker. Mmh. Yeah." He glances at me. "Uhu. Pff, you're an idiot. Why would you care?"

It goes on like this for a while. I scroll the page down and read some more jokes. But without Bakura reading and laughing along they are only half as funny.

Bakura sits up and continues making sounds, while Zorc is talking. When I listen closely I can hear his voice: A bit deeper than Bakura's and with a rasp in it.

I wonder what this is about. Are they still talking about the book night?

A looong while later, Bakura finally hangs up, yawning. "Ugh. Found any good jokes?" He lies back down next to me.

I turn around on my back, because I can't lie in the same position any longer. "Mmm. Was it Zorc?"

"Yes."

"What was he talking about?"

"Uh, he tries to impress some teacher. That's why he has to go to that book night."

"Impress a teacher? I don't understand."

"Yeah, dumb. Hey, listen: 'Two antennas decided to get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent!' Bwahahaha!"

I let out a chuckle. "Oh man. But hey," I grab Bakura's shirt and tug, "I don't understand. Why does he has to impress the teacher? For grades?"

Bakura looks at me. "Hm? No, I dunno." He looks back at the screen. "He wants to change the school, but I doubt that will work."

"In the middle of high school he wants to change? Yeah, why would they allow that. Unless he's moving."

"Yeah." Bakura shrugs.

"And why does he want to change schools?"

Bakura looks back at me, blinking. "Because our school is shit."

"Mm," I make. "I doubt that." I sit up.

"It is though," Bakura says low. "No funding and all the teachers run away. What do they expect us to do."

* * *

It's not long til work, so I go upstairs and change into my working clothes. Which aren't that different from my everyday clothes. But I always use the same two jeans and the same few sweaters for the work, to give me a better distance from it. So that when I wear non-work clothes, it feels more like free time.

I descend the fire escape and make a stop at Bakura's window to knock. He takes time to open, because he's on the phone. Again? Oh, that time it is 'K.' I can see it in Bakura's eyes. That little light burning in them, that joy he tries to hide.

He opens the window for me and puts a hand over the phone. "Yeah?"

"Are you home tonight?"

He bites his lower lip and shakes his head. "Nope."

"Okay," I answer. "See you tomorrow then." I head down, not waiting for an reply. What about the dinner he promised me? Yeah, fuck that.

"Alright, see you!" he yells after me.

Did he wait until I was gone to call him? Ugh, that pisses me off. I want him to be brutally honest with me, tell me all the details and don't pity me. I need to forget you, don't you understand? I don't even care about the dinner you owe me.  
I guess I have to be more radical with him as well. Maybe that will make him understand.

Work is boring. Clean plates here, rub the poles with disinfection spray, fill up a bucket there, run to the newsstand, go and wipe that up, clean the bathrooms, collect the trash, clean more plates, clean the counter, clean this, clean that...

One positive thing though: Tomorrow the club's closed. Some technician and some electrician are coming and have to install or check something, so we're all off, explains Mai. Yey!  
Too bad it's on a Wednesday though, the day Gus uses to come.

At my break Bakura is already gone. I play some Candy Crush and clean his room up a bit. Lots of empty beer bottles make the room smell. I collect them in a plastic bag and put them near the kitchen trash to throw them out later.

I drop down on his bed. His laptop is still here, now off. Yeah, let's try to hack it. That would be radical, right?

I sit up, pull the computer on my lap and turn it on. It beeps and the fan begins howling, but it takes a good amount of time until the screen finally turns from black to blue. And back to black. And white. Ugh. But eventually the logon screen appears. 'Bakura' it says under the picture of that standard orange flower. Doesn't he bother to change that avatar?

Whatever. What could his password be? Hmmm, think. What is important to him? 'K.' Ugh, okay, no. What else? Or what could be not super important, but make a good password?  
What was my own again... Oh yeah, it was 'ShutUp123' because- I don't even remember anymore. Uhh, let's hope his is a bit more logical.

I try out different brands of beer I have been seeing him drinking, then try out 'FuckFuckFuck' and 'BakuraKulelna' just because. Of course it doesn't work. And there is no password hint, dammit! Ohh, what could it be, what could it be.

I remember him watching Sherlock and other shows. So I try out 'SherlockHolmes' and 'JohnWatson' but to no avail. He probably watches so many shows that I could try for ages.

I give up and return back to work.

* * *

Half past two, I go back upstairs. Bakura isn't back yet. Long night eh? I wonder if he sleeps over at K.'s place. When he's gone for the night, he usually returns back at 5 or 6, stays for an hour or two and then goes to school.

How old is 'K.'? Twenty three? Is he the one Bakura mentioned once? He told me that it's not always the same one. But he's hung up on 'K.' now, it seems.

I take my pillow and my blankets and go upstairs. Bakura won't be here tonight.

* * *

 **A/N: Boring chapter, sorry! Next one will be better. Thank you for the reviews! :D Oh no, Guest, you're onto Bakura! o-o**


	29. Day 78: First times

**Day 78**

* * *

 _3/09/2016 - Wednesday_

* * *

It's the book night for the juniors in Bakura's class today. Not that I have anything to do with that.

Ugh, I miss school.

And it's a free day from work!

Bakura isn't home yet. I don't even know why I still care. He still hasn't been out with me, despite his promise. And tomorrow is pizza day. Will he forget it again?

* * *

I do my usual chores and eat breakfast. And wait for Bakura. I know I shouldn't. I know I should care less, but I cannot. I always find myself waiting for him when we're not together. I constantly ask myself: Where is he? Is he okay? How is his mood? When will we see each other again?

I got a bit fat. Not really fat, like getting bigger, but my six-pack is less defined, as well as my other muscles. It's only so much I can do with my improvised training here. Plus I eat too much pizza.

Finally, late in the afternoon, I hear Zorc's car pulling up. Bakura jumps out of it. Yey, he's back! So he went to school directly after being at 'K.'? How long was he there? How long can you visit your lover, I mean, you can't do it all night long, can you? You get tired. Does he sleep next to him in his bed? Ughh.

He's heading for the door instead of the fire escape. Why? Oh, he probably locked his window or something.

I head down. I haven't eaten much yet, so maybe we can eat together, if he's hungry.

I'm the first to arrive in the apartment. The shower is running. Must be Kefia. I try to go into Bakura's room, but it's locked. Uh, dammit. Come on up, what's taking you so long?

I wait in the kitchen, leaning against the wall in the door frame. Bakura does take a long time to come up. I hear his steps, but he's slow and making breaks. Probably hung up on his phone, surfing or chatting.

Then it happens: The apartment door and the bathroom door open at the same time. Bakura and Akefia look up and face each other for one long second. I freeze, not daring to greet Bakura. Fuck. It's rare for Akefia to shower so late. Normally, he gets up before we do.

Bakura breaks off the eye contact and rushes into his room, but Akefia grabs his hand. "What's this?" he asks, talking about the backpack hanging over Bakura's shoulder. It's white and newly bought. You can clearly tell by the insensitivity of the color.

"Uh, nothing." Bakura pulls his arms out of his father's grip and fiddles with his keys, searching for the right one.

I move closer to them. I don't like to get involved, I might make things worse. Hopefully Bakura can quickly hush into his room.

"I told you to stop doing this!" blares Akefia, pulling at the backpack. "Where do you got it from?"

"Nowhere, a friend gave it to me!" Bakura pulls his shoulder back, finally looking up again. "Leave me alone!"

"'A friend gave it to me'," Akefia repeats, mocking Bakura.

Bakura huffs and turns away with a strong swing, bringing the backpack in front of himself.

"You will immediately tell me where you got it from!" Akefia tries again, pulling at his son.

"No! Fuck you!"

"Hey!" I say.

"Bakura!" Slap. Akefia hits Bakura's cheek.

"Stop it!" I say and step between them, holding my arms up, palms to Akefia. "Violence won't resolve anything!" Our eyes lock. His features are hardened, mine are too. I clench my teeth together and breathe loudly through my nose.

Bakura finally opens up the door. He grabs me by my joggers and drags me inside. I maintain eye contact with Akefia until the door closes between us.

"Idiot, stop putting your nose in things that aren't your business!" Bakura tells me. I can't see him, it's too dark in here. I huff, but before I can answer, he grabs my wrist and puts his face near mine. "I'm acting," he whispers. Oh. Then he let's go off me and steps away. "Now fuck off to your room, before I kick your ass!" he yells.

He opens the window and by the count of three he closes it again. He turns his stereo on, then he let's himself fall on his bed.

* * *

I turn on the desk lamp and sit down on my mattress.

The stereo plays some loud pop music. Not my taste, but it doesn't matter. It's only purpose it to keep Akefia's voice out. We still hear some bangs against the door, but that's okay. They don't hurt as much as words can.

Bakura lies face down on his bed, his backpack near him. Why is it so important where he got it from? I don't understand why Akefia is getting so worked up for that. Not long, and Bakura lifts his head for air, propping his chin up now. He glances at me and I glance back.

We can't talk yet, because the music is too loud.

After a good amount of time, Bakura gets up and turns the music down. We listen for Akefia, but the man seems to be gone.

"Ugh," Bakura makes and sits back down. He looks at me.

"So where do you got it from?" I ask, pointing my chin at the backpack.

"Uhh, what does it matter," he mumbles and gets up. He unzips the backpack and goes to the door with it, poking his head into the hallway. "It's a stupid color anyways."

"Why did you buy it then?" I laugh.

Bakura doesn't answer but goes to the kitchen and puts chocolate and soda from his backpack into his cupboard. Huh, so he bought food as well.

"I'm hungry," I say. "Have you eaten yet?"

He shakes his head and looks at me. "I'm going to school later, to annoy Zorc." He grins. "Wanna come and- Oh, right, you can't." He shakes his head. "Work, huh."

"As a matter of fact, I actually can," I reply. "They have some maintenance downstairs, so I have a free day!"

"Ah, that's why the old man is up so late," Bakura grumbles. "Alright, you wanna come then?"

I nod. Oh wow, he invites me to visit his best friend! Hah, I bet 'K.' doesn't know Zorc! It doesn't fit well for a twenty-something to visit the high school friends of his high school lover.

"You're hungry much?" he asks. "Or do you wanna go and eat something before we go to school?" He adds a few packages of pasta into his stock. Bananas and oranges follow.

"When do you wanna go? I'd rather eat now, I'm starving!"

"At eight." His backpack is empty and he hangs it over his shoulder. "Okay, you saw my goodies, what d'you wanna?" He looks up at me.

* * *

I heat up the pasta he bought. Okay, wrong, it's ramen, Japanese pasta. Bakura tells me there's starch in it as well, so I have to quench them after boiling and boil them again without water. Ugh, so much work. But it's alright, he bought the food, so I can at least cook it properly.

We eat. Bakura tells me how stupid Zorc is, that he thinks he'll make points by going to the book night. To impress his teacher so he can change schools.

"Why, who knows, maybe it'll help." I shrug.

Bakura rolls his eyes. "Nah, he's got miserable grades."

"You wouldn't want him to go thought, right?" I ask.

He shrugs. "He's my best friend, so no."

While sitting and eating I have time to look at Bakura for a bit. I try to be inconspicuous. Those marks from yesterday, those red marks around his neck are still a bit visible. Someone must have choked him. But why? It wasn't Akefia, was it?

"Where does that come from?" I ask. "That... red ring around your neck."

"What?" He blinks. He grazes his throat with his fingertips. "It's nothing," he mumbles and looks down at the noodles between his chopsticks.

I pout. "I'm not Akefia, you can tell me."

He glares at me. "Yeah, but you're a stupid virgin, you have no idea of anything."

"Okay," I reply, "then teach me. Tell me about your 50-shades-of-grey sex practice there! I'm not judging."

The look he gives me is a sharp one.

I stare back.

"Fuck you, it's none of your business," he says and continues eating.

"So it has something to do with sex," I mumble.

He glances away, annoyance written over his face. "Marik, I swear-"

"What?"

"I'm gonna throw you out of the fucking window if you don't stop!"

Okay, he's mad. I am almost done with my food and lean back. "I don't believe you," I say, grinning. Yup, you're angry. But you're just bluffing. We proved some time ago that you just bark but not bite. You're the one who gets hit, not the one who hits.

He realizes that he can't scare me and breathes out loudly. "You want me to take my offer back?" he then grins. "Don't wanna go out and visit Zorc later?"

"Pff, that's not out, if we're visiting Zorc. Besides you still owe me eating out with you."

He raises one eyebrow. "Wait, what does 'going out' mean for- Oh," he drops his eyelids halfway, "you don't mean 'out' as in 'date', do you?" I shrug. He groans. "Ugh, stupid Marik."

I cross my arms before my chest. "Mh. Fine, I'll stop asking. It's probably 'K.' chocking you while you fuck anyways and I don't really wanna hear anything about that," I mutter, more to myself than to him, but he seems to catch it, as he looks up surprised.

He snorts and shakes his head in defiance, but looks away, so I guess I am right. It is 'K.' who else.

* * *

A bit later we chill in Bakura's room, door closed, because Kefia is still upstairs. It's almost six, he's normally out way before that. At this hour I go downstairs and little later he comes upstairs, Bakura tells me. He has no idea where his father is going between those hours, but he's probably going to that other bar of his.

It's weird. I always assumed that people who had their own restaurant would make good money. But apparently not. And Akefia is running two establishments!

Bakura and I are sitting on his bed, playing that stupid race game against each other. This time I have fun. I still lose, but I'm happy.

We hear Akefia getting out of his room and leaving the apartment. Finally! Bakura opens the door wide.

"What do you think are they doing downstairs?" I ask.

Bakura shrugs. "I don't know. You should. Didn't you say they have maintenance?"

"Yeah, that and something else. Something about installing something."

"I have no idea."

I take a look at him. Yeah, he's never downstairs, why would he. Still... "But how come you know the names of the strip girls? I never see you downstairs."

He shrugs more, this time quicker. "I just..." He looks away. "I used to help downstairs a bit. In the kitchen," he mumbles.

Oh. "Like me?"

More shrugging. Why is he so reluctant about telling me?

"How old where you?"

"About ten."

"Why did you stop?"

"Ugh, what do you think," he grumbles. "Because he's shit."

Maybe that's where he learned to cook. Aw, isn't it cute? Little Bakura watching Mahad making food and learning from him. What did Kefia do though? Yell at him? Ugh, probably. "Was he downstairs much?" I ask.

Bakura looks back at me and nods. "Yeah."

"Huh, I never see him."

"Things change."

I nod.

* * *

What's interesting about this, is that Bakura apparently liked to work downstairs, right? 'Because he's shit' sounds as if he was the reason Bakura stopped working there and not because Bakura wanted to stop. I wonder how Mahad treated him. Just as cold as he treats me?

Not long, and it's eight. Bakura is dozing off in his bed and I shake him to wake him up. "Hey," I say, "you wanted to go visit Zorc, now come, get dressed."

"Mmm," he moans.

We had some snacks and I put the rest of the chocolate back into the cupboard. I hear steps in the hall outside, someone's coming up. Akefia.

I bolt into Bakura's room and close the door.

Bakura jolts up. "What the fuck is-"

The apartment door opens.

Bakura makes an annoyed face. I stare back at him while listening to what Kefia's doing.

He undresses, then kicks his shoes into a corner, taking longer than usual to get them off. There's a bit heavy breathing, as always when he's drunk. Bakura recognizes it too, because his expression changes. It's just a flinch in his eyebrows, but it's there. Annoyance. Anger. Because his father is a drunk asshole.

Not long, and we breathe out in relief as Kefia's door falls shut.

"Let's head out," Bakura says.

We get dressed. Bakura is a bit slow, I guess because he's tired and he takes his time ruffling his hair before the mirror.

"It'll never get better without actually combing it, you know," I say.

"Combing only makes it worse, believe me," he replies.

Kefia's door opens. We freeze for a moment, then look at each other. Bakura presses his lips together and makes a movement with his head, saying 'let's wait' and I nod in response. Akefia is making a grunt as he heads to the kitchen. The fridge opens, a beer is taken out.

"As if it wasn't enough," Bakura remarks.

Two seconds later Akefia knocks loudly at the door with his fist. "Open up, you faggot of a son!" he yells slurring.

Bakura looks away and breathes out loudly through his nose. Calmly, he goes two steps to turn on the stereo; the same pop music as before blares through the room. He sits down on the bed and puts his hands into the pockets of his coat.

Ugh. I've had enough of this. Every single time they put on this show, fighting over things that could easily get resolved if they would just talk to each other! I huff and poke Bakura's shoulder. He looks up. "I'm gonna go talk with him," I say into his ear.

He instantly grabs me by my shoulders, his jaw tightened. "Are you crazy?" he hisses, I barely hear him.

More bangs against the door. We don't even turn our heads, but stare at each other.

He's so fucking hot. Those dark eyes glaring at me intensively, his firm grip, his voice.

"You two are always angry, you need to sit down and talk with each other like human beings," I start, but I am not sure he has heard half of what I said.

He shakes his head, not loosening his grip. I like that. He comes closer, putting his mouth near my ear. "It's not just about me," he says. Huh? He pulls back and I give him an confused look. He shrugs and points to the window. "Let's just go!" he says louder.

Bakura opens the window and jumps out. I press 'Stop', then 'Off' on the stereo and follow him. What is he talking about? I need to know. I close the window behind myself.

"Where are you go-?" Akefia's voice gets cut off. Ha. It feels sort of good.

I still want to talk to Akefia. Not now, yeah, probably a bad idea. When he's sober.

* * *

"What did you just say?" I ask, running, so that I catch up with Bakura. "It's not just about you?"

He shrugs and doesn't bother to look at me, but stares straight ahead.

Okay, so much I've learned about Bakura: There are various stages of his secretiveness. The first one is when he's too tired or too sleepy to talk. He would have otherwise answered, but his body won't allow him. The second stage is when he isn't sure whether or not to tell me, because it's somehow embarrassing. (Or so _he_ thinks.) The third one is when he's clearly angry because the topic is hurting him in some way.  
Plus, the higher the stage, the louder he addresses his anger. So in stage 3 he would be the loudest.  
Except when he's not. There's a fourth stage, in which he's aggressive on the outside, but doesn't talk much. That's when it's about our relationship, mostly when he has to admit in some way that he likes me.

And that's what happens now: He's walking fast, hands turned into fists, breathing loudly through his nose, and grumbling something to himself.

So naturally, I wanna know what it's about! "Hey," I say. "It's about me, right? How is it about me?" You didn't want me to get hurt by Akefia, is that it?

"You're so self-centered," he snorts.

"Eh, maybe."

We keep speeding through the evening, passing people here and there, who mostly make room for us. They too can clearly tell that Bakura is about to explode.

"So, am I right? Is it about me?" I ask.

"Ughh, yeah!" he suddenly says, still not looking at me. "You have to watch out what you're doing around him," he says, panting. "Jaden got thrown out because he had three strikes, remember? I bet you already have one or even two."

Huh, wait what? "Strikes? Yeah, I remember him mentioning it, but... Why would I have some already?"

"You have at least one for not doing the drug deliveries," Bakura explains. "And you've gotten so often between our fights, that must count as another as well."

"Are you serious? God, Kefia sure is easy to irritate."

He chuckles with despair. "Gee, really, Marik?"

So... Bakura doesn't want me to be kicked out. He prevented me from going out of the room and confront Akefia. Heh. Bakura actually wants me to stay!

We're near the park. Bakura slows down and stops before we turn at the next corner. "Okay. If somebody asks, tell them you're a new transfer student, okay?" He looks me in the eyes. "This way you can always say you don't know in which class you'll go and which teacher you got. You don't know anything." He retrieves his pack of cigarettes and takes one out.

"Yeah, sounds good." I nod. "But why am I transferring?"

He lights up his cig and chuckles. "Say you're from a private school and your parents want you to go to a public school cause you got too conceited about your abilities."

We slowly move further. "Eh? But public schools are more relaxed than private. Doesn't make much sense."

"Pff, aren't private school full of rich pricks? Everybody's getting a car for their sixteenth birthday. Here, you don't even get decent lunch."

In a way, he's right. If you can afford paying for private school, you can afford to pamper your kids. Still, they also expect you to get good grades, so it's not an easy life either.

"Actually, why weren't you going to a private school?" Bakura asks, as we approach his school.

"Hm, I wanted to go to the one Rishid and Ishizu were going," I answer. "I wanted to be with them, and be like them," I chuckle.

"Tss."

* * *

We go around the school, to the back entrance. The big older building lies quiet behind the evening's shadows, while the newer one is busy. There's light downstairs as well as in the second floor. A few groups of students linger around the entrance of the white building. A pair - girl and boy - sit on the stairs, kissing each other.

"Ew, why are _they_ here," Bakura remarks as he spots the couple. He's done with his cigarette and throws it on the ground, then butts it out with his foot.

"Are they from your class? Uh, I mean-"

"Yeah, from my old grade."

Right. Bakura has to repeat the whole grade, while Zorc passed. I still cannot comprehend how bad one would have to do in every single class to have to repeat them all. But it seems that he's doing better now.

There's Zorc, standing near a woman, probably that teacher he wants to impress so bad. She nods while he's talking about something.

"Hey, Bakura."  
A voice behind us. We turn around. Two guys come through the back entrance. I know one of them. It's the brown haired one, Joey. The other has long black hair that he wears in a ponytail. Also, he wears a sparkling earring. Dammit, and those eyes! Green eyes, my favorite.

"Hey," Bakura says, getting his next cigarette out. "Don't tell me you're joining this shit."

"No way," the black haired guy laughs. He looks at me. "Who's that?" He puts his hands into the pockets of his tight jeans. He's thin, maybe even thinner than Bakura.

"I'm Marik, hi!" I say and stretch my hand out.

There's a bit silence, as the boy looks at my hand. As if it was the weirdest thing for me to offer. Then he finally moves and pulls one hand out of his pocket. "Okay. Hey, nice to meet ya!" Instead of giving me a handshake, he gives me slap, like a high five, only low.

But okay, yeah, guess it was too lame to offer a handshake. It's not like I know how to meet new people anyways.

"Oh my fuck, what an extra," Joey remarks, putting a palm over his mouth and laughing.

"What?" I say, blinking. Is he talking about me?

"Ugh, let's go grab Zorc," Bakura says, drawing deep on his cigarette. "Mm."

I glare at Joey, who simply laughs more. I follow the group to the entrance of the new building. I still don't know the name of the black haired guy.

The female teacher Zorc is talking to, huffs and waves a finger at Bakura. "How often do I have to tell you how harmful cigarettes are for your body, Bakura!"

"Nobody fucking cares...!" Bakura says under his breath, so that only we three hear him. Joey and the other guy chuckle. Hm, is smoking allowed in this school? At my school it wasn't and the juniors and seniors smoked outside of the school property.

The teacher pushes her glasses up her nose and huffs some more. "I assume you two will not be joining us tonight?" she says, addressing the chuckling boys.

"No, ma'am!" says the black haired one and mimics a soldiers pose: his hand flat, fingertips near his temple and a sudden change into an erect stance.

The teacher laughs quietly. "That's the wrong hand, you idiot," says Zorc and everybody laughs loudly.

"Oh," says the boy, genuinely embarrassed for a moment.

"Peter!" The teacher throws a look at Zorc, because he used the word 'idiot'.

Peter? Wtf, that doesn't suit him. I'm so used to think of him as 'Zorc'.

"That's not his name, ma'am," says the black haired boy.

More laughter.

* * *

We move a bit away, Zorc coming with us, while the teacher scolds another group of students for littering.

"What you're up to?" asks Peter, uh, I mean Zorc.

Joey shrugs. "Not much."

"Came to see you lick Miss Smith's ass," Bakura grins.

Zorc rolls his eyes. "Useless, anyways."

"Yeah, you cannot escape this fine school," the black haired guy says. "Remember: You're here forever!"

"Ugh."

We laugh.

"And you're here with your date, Kura?" Zorc throws a amusing look at Bakura, who scoffs. Date? Me?

"Pff, sure." Bakura draws on his cigarette, staring ahead. " _He_ wanted to come."

"Uhu, yeah," I say. "Except that not. You asked me, don't deny it."

"Woah, let's leave those fags alone!" Joey says, dramatically taking a step back and lifting his hands.

I cross my arms before my chest. Zorc just wants to distract the attention. And yet, why would he call me Bakura's date? Did Bakura mention me to him in that way? That surely wouldn't fit him.

The black haired guy looks at me and back at Bakura, a grin forming on his lips. "Huh, what am I missing here? Who are you anyways?"

"It's nothing, Duke. He just lives in the same building with me," Bakura says, letting out a growl. "Enjoy your miserable kindergarden, Zorc." He turns around to him, while walking backwards towards the exit. "Don't you hafta go tah sleep?" he says, mimicking children's talk. "Good nighty night! Let Miss Smith kiss you goodnight!"

We follow him while laughing. "Ew, Miss Smith will smooch Zorc all night," Joey says. "She'll crawl into his sleeping bag to hump him."

"They'll make eleven babies and move to a trailer park!" says the black haired guy, whose name is Duke. He's the one who wanted to have his birthday in a club or something. Or was it Joey? I can't say I like Joey very much, but Duke seems funny. And he's hot. Can't deny that.

Zorc turns around at some point, after showing us a middle finger. He walks back to the white building and we walk out of the school yard.

* * *

"So his name is Peter?" Joey says, expressing my thoughts.

"Eh, he's Zorc." Bakura replies. He's done with his second cigarette and gets out the third.

"Gimme one." Duke stretches his hand out.

"Isn't it enough?" I say between my teeth.

Bakura glances at me. "Nope, Mom." Ugh. He holds his pack under Duke's nose and Duke gets one cig out. He's bigger than Bakura, at least one head bigger. I am not sure, but somehow my gaydar beeps. The way Duke moves and that earring... But no, can't be, can it? There's still something missing. I don't know, all the gays on TV are much more flamboyant. But then again, Bakura's gay too and wouldn't have known either if he hadn't told me.

It's best if I don't make any assumptions.

"What now?" Duke asks, lighting up his smoke.

"Dunno." Bakura's voice sounds raspy. He clears his throat. I really wished he would stop smoking.

"Let's hit some bar?" Duke blows out some smoke. I'm near him and it hits my eyes.

"Bar? You're underage," I say, waving the smoke away. I move away from him and walk behind Bakura.

Duke turns around to me. "But I don't look like it, baby!"

"That's what _you_ think," I grin. My heart pounds faster as he looks me in the eyes. Green eyes are rare, especially with such a vivid color. Gah. Oh no, no, no, no! I mustn't fall in love with another guy, especially not when he's probably straight! Better stick to Bakura, at least we're friends.

"Yeah," Joey pipes in, gradually walking slower, until we notice and stop as well. "I gotta go home." His expression has changed. He talks quieter and his eyes look somewhat feeble all of a sudden.

"Oh," Duke says immediately, as if he knows what it is about.

"Why?" I ask.

"Okay," says Bakura. "It's barely nine."

Joey shrugs and puts his hands into his jeans' pockets. "My sis might need help with her homework."

"His sis is fucking hot! A ten out of ten!" Duke smirks. Joey glares at him. "Have you seen her?" he elbows Bakura, who just chuckles.

"Who cares," he grunts mockingly, rolling his eyes, making Joey huff at him. Alright, so Duke and Joey really don't know that Bakura's gay.

"Aw man," Duke says, scratching his head. "I could dig out some pics of her though, you know! Her Facebook isn't even on private!" he says, earning another sharp look by Joey.

"I don't care!" Bakura sing-songs and turns around, continuing our way. "Bye, Joey."

"Yeah, bye," Joey mumbles.

I wave at him and Duke gives him a nod. "See ya."

* * *

So Duke likes girls. What a bummer. I feel somewhat disappointed. Hm, I can't really picture him with a guy anyways, it just doesn't fit.

Maybe that's a good way to tell people's sexuality? I can easily picture Bakura with guys, but not with girls. Duke goes better with girls in my head, as does Joey. Zorc? Huh, I don't know, he doesn't go well with anybody. Jaden too, he's just too cute to picture him fucking somebody.

Bakura is done smoking and throws the cigarette behind himself. I catch up and walk next to him, while Duke is a few steps before us.

"So what's about that bar, eh?" he asks.

"I have no ID, do you?" Bakura asks.

"No, I thought you have."

"We can still grab a few beers and chill somewhere."

Duke turns around, his cigarette reduced to a stump in his mouth. "Yeah? How, without ID?"

Bakura shrugs. "I know a guy."

Aha, so that's his secret. Some guy buys Bakura beer. Yeah, what else could it be, it's always some guy. Ugh, hopefully not 'K.'!

So far, we hadn't had a destination in mind and were just circling around the school. Now, Bakura takes the lead, telling us to follow him. He's going west. I wonder if we need to go into this direction or if he's just avoiding passing by the 'White Snake'.

"What guy?" Duke asks, throwing his cigarette stump away.

"Just some guy," Bakura replies, his voice showing that he's irritated.

Duke sticks his tongue out at Bakura, mocking him and rolls his eyes at me. "Bakura's full of secrets."

"Oh I know that," I chuckle.

"Yeah," Duke eyes me cautiously up and down. "How do you two know each other again?"

I shrug, but before I can reply, Bakura chimes in: "He lives in the same house, fuck off." He picks up the pace to go before us, so that we can't annoy him with more questions.

I close my mouth and shrug at Duke. I better not add anything to that, it's already weird enough. And it's Bakura who's making it weird. It's a genuine question, right? But Bakura waves it off as if there was more behind it. You have to pull every shit out of him like teeth, but usually it's because it's embarrassing to him. So what does that mean? Am I embarrassing to him?

I am right: After going a few streets into westerly direction, Bakura turns south, heading for the train station. I kind of understand it; you don't want your friend to see the strip club your father owns. Besides, Akefia shouldn't see us either, he might go nuts again.

We pass the small supermarket that closes at nine. There's still light on though. The kiosk I use to buy cigarettes for the girls is close too and still open. The poor guy sitting there has to work there almost 24/7. Even I have it better.

"You're not at our school, are you?" Duke asks me. "What grade are you? Second?"

"Nope, I'm not," I say, glancing at Bakura's back. "No, Junior."

"Oh, so you're seventeen?" Duke inspects me again, a grin lingering on his lips. "You look younger." His voice gets quieter.

"No," I reply slowly, giving him the same look back, my head a bit tilted. "I'm sixteen, but I got one year earlier in."  
Maybe I'm wrong, but what are we doing here? Are we flirting? What's this smirk, he's not laughing at me, it's different.

"Oh, just like Sheldon Cooper here!" Duke points his chin at Bakura and our private bubble has burst. "So clever, so witty. Still failed all classes last year."

"Will you never shut up about this?" Bakura grunts, looking back at him, then at me. "You're not turning seventeen soon?" he asks me.

"Nope." I shake my head.

"Hm, I might really be older than you, then."

I frown. "When _is_ your birthday, Bakura?" Just fucking tell me already! "When is it?" I quickly add, asking Duke.

"Pff, dunno." Duke shrugs.

"When is yours?" Bakura asks back. He stops at the intersection, waiting for a gap between the traffic. There's no light nearby.

I step next to him, giving him a smirk. "I tell you, if you tell yours," I say quietly, waiting for him to face me. He grins back, locking eyes with me but shakes his head. I move my lips to a pout and raise one eyebrow. He knows I want to know, but I also know that he's eager to know who's older. But I'm not gonna give in, doesn't matter how cute his grin is.

"Go, faggots! Now!" Duke, standing behind us, pushes us and we hurry to the other side of the street. We have reached the zombie plaza, the spot before the train station concourse. As usual it's crowded with people. Half of them are coming in or going to the train station, pulling suitcases, being in a hurry, while the other half stands around, looking for something or being one of the drug addicts, or 'zombies' as I call them.

"There's the liquor store," I say, pointing at it. It's open, it's always open.

"Yup, but we won't go in," Bakura says, signaling me and Duke to follow him. Right, he's gonna ask some guy to buy the beer for us.

"I'm not drinking though," I say.

"What? Aw, come on, Mark!" Duke says, putting an arm around me. "It's no fun if one is sober!"

I would like to lean into his arm, but I keep on going as if I was unaffected. I can't help but grin though. "Beer won't make me drunk," I say. "It's too light. And I'm Marik, not Mark." Ugh, he got my name wrong, how rude.

Bakura chuckles. "Aha, that's the reason?" he laughs.

Yeah, you know that I just don't like the taste, but keep that to yourself, will you?

Duke removes his arm. "Marik?" he repeats. "Alright, that's rare."

"Duke isn't really common either," I reply.

We lock eyes again and I grin. He blinks, but ultimately, he grins back, snorting.

"Kay, we're here," Bakura mumbles, stopping before an apartment building. He turns around to us, noticing our eye exchange and raises his eyebrows. "You okay?" he asks slowly, glancing at me, then to Duke and back at me.

"Yeah, sure," I mutter, biting my lip. You're not jealous, are you? Please be jealous!

Bakura gives me a knowing nod, as if he wanted to say 'I see what you're doing' or 'you're embarrassing', then turns to the buildings entrance door. He goes the two steps leading to it and presses one of the bells. I can't see the name from where I'm standing, but it's one of the upper ones, fourth or fifth floor.

A few seconds pass, then the intercom cracks: " _Who?_ "

"Bakura." He wants to add more, but he gets cuts off.

" _What d'you need?_ "

"Beer, but-"

" _Gonna come up and pay or later?_ "

"Can't, I'm not alone," Bakura says quickly, standing up on his toes and biting his lip.

" _Alright._ " Some rustling sounds. " _Coming._ "

Bakura relaxes and goes back to standing on his heels. He breathes out and comes back to us. "He'll be right here." He puts his hands into his coats pockets. "You guys got any money? I have like ten bucks."

Duke pats his jeans' pockets, front and back. "Oh, yeah, maybe five, I guess." His phone vibrates and he checks it.

I shake my head. "I didn't got it with me."

Bakura rolls his eyes at me. "What are you good for," he grumbles.

I huff and don't know what to say at first. "Uh, yeah? Well, I-" Bakura goes a few steps away. "At least I didn't had to repeat every single class at school!" I groan.

He looks at me, breathing out through his nose, glaring. "Shut the fuck up. You missed half a year now, when you go back you'll have to repeat it as well, dimshit."

"Yeah, but I actually missed it, not failed it, like you did!" I go a step towards him.

He turns away, showing me his profile. "I missed it too, that's why I failed." He's speaking calm now and I drop my shoulders.

"You went one year earlier to school?" I ask. "At five years old?" I never noticed it but Bakura would be too young for a junior. He's sixteen just like he should be near the end of the second term, but he's repeating.

He sighs loudly, getting annoyed again. "Yeah," he begins, sounding as if he had to tell the story too often in his life, "Kefia could chose whether to send me to school or wait for another year and he chose to put me in early. To have me out as soon as possible," he adds grumpily.

"Huh, why could he chose?"

"Because." Bakura's not looking at me. I cross my arms and frown at him. Alright, he told me enough for now, I'll be quiet. Duke is still at his phone, but he puts it away as the front door opens.

* * *

The guy that comes out doesn't match with the voice we heard through the intercom. He's big and slim, his hair unwashed and unkempt and he has big dark bags under his eyes. He wears some smelly shirt and jeans and flashes a big grin, his eyes seem unfocused, even if he glances directly at me.

"Your friends from school?" he asks, grinning more, showing way too much of his gums. He goes the few steps down, his movements looking uncoordinated.

Bakura remains untouched and doesn't move. "Yeah," he says. "We have fifteen bucks. Can you get us some beer? Oh and," he points his head into my direction. "A few bottles of that red alcopop." Huh, for me or what?

"I told you, I'm not gonna drink," I comment.

"You will," Bakura says, not even looking at me.

"No, I'm not."

"Shush," says Duke, suddenly being near me. "Just taste it first."

I cross my arms before my chest. "It's not about that," I mumble. But alright, let him buy it, whatever.

Bakura and Duke give the creep their money. "Any preferences on the beer?" he asks.

"Cheapest brand," Bakura answers.

* * *

The sleazy guy goes ahead, while we take our time and follow slowly after him. We stop nearby but still far enough from the liquor store, as to not be seen.

"So you come to that guy every time to get beer?" I ask Bakura.

"Yeah, why does he help you?" Duke wonders.

Bakura sighs out frustrated. "You're annoying." Oh man, don't tell me you're sleeping with this guy. For beer? He did say something about coming up and paying. Ugh, gross. Bakura avoids all eye contact and just stares straight ahead.

I sigh back and stare towards the liquor store.

Not long and the guy comes back, carrying a six pack of beer and a few bottles. He puts everything before our feet; six cans of beer, plus three bottles of reddish alcopop. He carries one red wine bottle on his arm and grins some more. "We can go upstairs and share this fine wine here too, if you care," he says, glancing at all of us, but addressing Bakura.

"No," Bakura answers sharply and takes the six pack. "Thanks." He's using very few words when talking to this guy. It's a good idea.

I don't move, so Duke grabs the three red bottles and we quickly move away from the creep.

"Don't forget to pay me!" the guy yells behind us.

"Pay you?" Duke laughs. "You're sleeping with him or whut?"

"Lool," I chime in, as too distract Duke. "Yeah, that guy was super creepy, eyeing us like that! He's surely wandering around schools all day!"

We begin talking about creepy guys that we've seen hanging around our schools. Bakura remains quiet.

* * *

We head back towards Middleton High, with Duke asking us where Bakura is going. I say that we could go to Bakura's secret spot, but Bakura cuts me off, telling Duke to let me carry the alcopop. Woops right, maybe he doesn't want everybody to know about that place. Also we could be seen if go there now with the book night and all. Ugh, why don't I think before I speak.

I reluctantly carry the stupid alcopop and look at the paper strip wrapped around it. It displays a palm tree and the sea under it's name along with the picture of a fresh pomegranate. It does look tastier than beer.

We stop near the park and sit down on a bench near one park exit. There's a street lamp nearby. Duke climbs on the backrest of the bench, puts his feet between Bakura and me on the bench and begins to sip his first beer.

"Here," Bakura hands me his bottle opener.

I take it. "You carry it around with you?" I chuckle.

He shrugs.

"I got mine on my key ring," comes Duke's voice from above.

"Not a bad idea," Bakura mumbles.

I open my bottle and take a sip. "Hey, this tastes good!" It's fruity and sweet. It's a bit like that shandy beer Bakura bought me once, except that there's no beer in it at all. It's just soda, but with alcohol.

"Told ya," Bakura grins.

Duke starts to talk about Joey's sister again, telling us she's fourteen but hot. He searches for pictures of her but can't find them. "I got this one awesome one just somewhere here," he mutters to himself.

Bakura and I exchange a look, grinning at each other. "Yup, take your time," Bakura says.

"I bet she has amazing boobs," I say.

"And such a hot pussy," Bakura continues.

We look at each other again and start laughing.

"Hey, what the fuck is so funny?" Duke asks.

* * *

Bakura finishes his beer first and begins his second one. Duke wonders if Zorc and his class are already going to sleep. I ask why Duke and Joey didn't went to the book night. Duke looks at me as if I asked him why he didn't went to get his arms removed and tells me "because it sucks." Fine. I'm not even mad. Everything is kinda funny now. I feel a bit sleepy.

I wonder loudly why Joey really went home early. Duke tells me that it's not our business, again making me think he knows more about it. Well, he and Joey were in the same class before Bakura arrived there, so they do know each other a bit better. Bakura yawns loudly, then let's out a burp.

"Red!" Duke says.

"Huh, what? Uh, blue!" I add quickly.

There's this stupid game in my school. And in Bakura's school apparently too. When somebody burps, you have to say a color. Whoever says the same color (and if it's only by a quarter second later) or doesn't respond, gets to be punched. I rarely participated in that game though. You mostly do it with friends and I don't really had friends at school.

"Green," Duke continues.

"Pff, wait, Marik was too slow," Bakura grins and throws his gaze at me. "You already lost."

Eh? "What? I said 'blue' right after-"

"Purple! Double kill!" Duke shouts. "Lost!"

"Lost!" agrees Bakura.

They both lean closer and start hitting my arm. "H-Hey, stop it!" I laugh and bend away. They aren't hurting me really, just a bit. "Okay, okay, it's enough!" I shout and they stop. Bakura gives me a last blow, followed by a short stroke on the same spot. I look at him and he glances back, having his flirtatious expression turned on: Eyelids halfway down, a small smirk starting to form on his lips.

Then he takes a sip of his beer and turns his face away.

"Have you guys heard of 'No Man's Sky'?" Duke asks.

"Huh?" I pull my eyes off Bakura and glance up at Duke. "Eh, no? What is it? A movie?"

"Nope, a game!" Duke's eyes widen. "It's new on Steam! You can buy it in June and it will be awesome!" he yells.

I chuckle. Duke's cute when he's so enthusiastic. "Okay, but what is it about?" Bakura glances again at me.

"It's a survival game. Awesome shit, you gotta check it out!" He points his finger at me, waving it.

"Is it an mmo?" Bakura asks.

"No, no, that not. But it's crazy awesome, I swear!"

"Alright," Bakura chuckles.

We continue talking about games. I learn that Bakura likes horror games like slenderman, though he didn't find that one scary. Duke is all about simulation world building, like Sim City and Minecraft. I like mmo's but only cute ones from Asia, not the World Of Warcraft type, for which I get eyerolls from both sides.  
I think I hear some music coming from the park, but I am not sure.

I finish my first bottle of that pomegranate alcopop and feel kind of dizzy. Not dizzy like when I'm sick, but a good kind of dizzy. Whatever Duke says now is hilarious and I chuckle to myself. I feel hotter and unzip my jacket. Bakura gets quieter and doesn't reply much.

Not long, and we're all down to our last can or bottle. Duke starts humming some familiar melody. Bakura grabs the last can from the ground but it slips out off his fingers and lands sideways on the ground. "Uh," he grunts and picks it up.

That music I heard is louder now. Steady beats and someone rapping. I frown and look at Bakura, who frowns as well. He looks up and stares ahead, his expression changing. Huh? I turn my head.

* * *

"Yo, cowboys."

Suddenly we're surrounded by five- no, six guys. From one second to the other they are suddenly standing in front of us. One is carrying a boombox, like in some gangster movie. He turns it off and puts it in front of himself, right before our feet. I instinctively pull my feet closer to the bench. Bakura doesn't flinch one bit, still gripping the beer can. Only his eyes wander from one guy to the other. I can't tell what Duke's doing.

The sudden silence is eerie.

The boombox guy seems to be the leader. He's young and looks Hispanic. He grins, making his little mustache move.  
The other five stand slightly behind him, forming a circle around us, as if to prevent us from fleeing. They are all dressed in jeans and black jackets. Some wear bandanas on their heads. One guy is standing a few feet away, playing with a knife in his hand.

Ookay, this is fucking creepy, what the fuck do they want from us? Money?

"What are you doing so late, ladies?" the leader muses, putting his hands into the pockets of his oversized jeans.

I check my watch. "It's barely after ten," I mutter. The guy nearest of me gives me a warning look, chewing his gum with a open mouth.

"Fuck off, okay?" Duke shouts, aggression in his voice. Not good. Better keep calm, Duke. Bakura heaves a quiet breath at Duke's outburst.

The leader's grin drops. "Children shouldn't drink alcohol!" he says loudly, snatching my bottle out of my hand. He throws it over me; I hear it shatter far behind us. A few of his companions flash smirks.

I hear Duke making a movement and huffing.

"Ugh." I let my hand sink and bite my lip. I breathe out through my nose, trying to be quiet, even though I want to get up punch that stupid guy right on his mustache!

"Fucking suckers," Duke murmurs.

"Gimme your wallet." The leader's eyes are fixed on Duke now, who's flinching.

I lean forward and glance at Duke. The guy nearest to me comes closer, giving me no room to escape or even get up.

"Fuck off, no!" is Duke's answer.

I see Bakura tense up in the corner of my eye.

"I'm not repeating myself," the leader says. "The wallet or your life."

The guy next to him and close to Bakura fishes a knife out of his back pocket, his eyes on Duke as well. They all stare at Duke now, except for the guy at the far end, who's turning away. I don't dare to move. I don't even have a damn wallet; will they believe me if I tell them that I have no money with me?

"Hurry up, I gotta catch the dragon," the guy at the back mumbles, his voice sounding off. Catch the dragon? He's snapping his pocket knife shut and flips it open again; shut, open, shut, open, shut, open-

"Hey," Bakura says calmly. "Here, take a sip first." He moves his hand slowly forward, holding out his last can of beer. Yeah, good idea! Maybe he'll relax and we can somehow escape.

The sudden offer helps to ease the tension. The leader gives Bakura a skeptical look, but grabs the can out of his hand. "Heh," he chuckles. He takes a look at the can, because it might be a trap, but it's closed, so it's alright.

The moment he puts his thumb and index finger at the can ring thingy, I feel Bakura grabbing my wrist. His eyes are fixed on the leaders hands, his lips are pressed together. Huh, what is he-

Click- PPHLOSHHHHHHHh...!

* * *

Bakura yanks me onto my feet and we're suddenly running, pushing through the guys, who are too perplexed to react. "They try to rabbit!" one of them yells. The one at the far end turns around, but his deep red eyes tell me he's either too high or too tired to tell what's going on. He just stands there with his mouth opened.

Bakura doesn't let go of me and I keep on running. "Oh my god, what the fuck happened?!" I yell. The beer can burst, right?

"What the fuck, what the fuck," Duke repeats over and over again.

"Just keep going!" Bakura shouts, releasing us. He's in front of us. He glances behind himself. "They don't seem to follow us."

"Still! Run!" I yell, gasping in between.

We race from one street lamp to the next, barely meeting people on the sidewalk. I don't know which way we're going, but it doesn't matter. Bakura just runs straight ahead and we follow him. The panic in our run vanishes, it's more like a jog now. We're still going fast. The only thing I can hear is our loud steps and our pants. Wind blows through my jacket, making me cold.

"Fucking assholes!" Duke shouts.

"Yeah!" I agree.

Bakura turns his head around again. "They aren't... following us," he wheezes. He gets slower and I catch up to him.

"Let's be sure!" I reply.

He looks at me and nods. "We're... near the... school."

We bolt into the schoolyard. It's all dark, except for a single light near the white building. Zorc's class must have curfew now.

Duke bends down, hands on his tights. Bakura even drops onto his knees and retches a bit, but nothing comes out. I am standing, but pant just as loud as Bakura and Duke. Our breathing seems so loud compared to the silence of the schoolyard. I zip up my jacket.

"Fuck!" Duke yells.

"Yeah," I agree. I feel dizzy, the schoolyard is moving a bit before my eyes.

Bakura sits up, legs under his butt, and grunts loudly. "That could have ended differently."

I step to him. "Yes, but you saved us!" I smile. Bakura is friggin clever! "When did you shake the can? I didn't even see."

Bakura looks tiredly up to me, hands in his lap. "It fell down before. But yes, I did shake it while they were staring at Duke."

"You're a genius!" I beam. I can't help but grin at him proudly. "You saved our lives!"

"Damn, I wished I had seen the look on their faces," Duke grins.

I nod. Yeah, too bad. It went all so fast.

Bakura rolls his eyes and snorts. Yet there's a smile on his lips. "Get me up," he mumbles, stretching out his hands to me.

I grab them and heave him up to me. He jolts way too close into my face and we both gasp. I let go of his hands. He grabs my arms, so he won't fall against me. I grab his too, but let go of them again as soon as he's standing steady.

He stares into my eyes, lips slightly ajar. His hands move down from my upper arms to my elbow. I can't breathe. He isn't either I think. Our legs are touching, one of his is a bit between mine. He doesn't move it away. "Mm, thanks," he whispers and steps away. Finally, I dare to breathe again.

"Woah, get a room you two!" Duke laughs.

"Um," I make, but never start a sentence. What was that? Bakura is drunk, alright, but he's been drunk before. He's different tonight.

"Shut up!" Bakura groans. "Duke, where's your beer? Can I get a sip?"

"Left it there!" Duke puts his palms in the air and turns his wrists. "Where do you see me having a beer?"

"Ugh, dammit." Bakura moves a bit away. "Stupid tacos! We weren't even in their fucking park! Argh!" He's loud and I fear the book night people might hear him.

"They weren't all Mexicans," I comment. "That weird one in the back was white." It's also not political correct to address them as 'tacos' but I'll led it slide for now.

"Who the fuck cares," Duke murmurs.

"What was he talking about 'catching his dragon' anyways?" I wonder.

Bakura comes back to us, arms crossed before his chest. "Dragon? Eh, probably some drug slang." He's huffing and puffing like that wolf in the story about the three pigs. I couldn't help but to be mad as them as well as they were there, but now I'm just glad we could escape.

"What now?" Duke asks. "Call it a night?"

Bakura shrugs. "Yes, I guess."

* * *

We say goodbye to Duke, who heads into the other direction and make our own way back home. We agree to avoid the park area and make a detour to the west.

"Where does he live?" I ask Bakura.

"Duke? Dunno. Not far I guess. He's always walking home."

We're walking faster than usual. There's no pedestrian to be seen. I try to remember how many of them are out on other nights, but I can't. I am not afraid though, not with Bakura by my side. He's super intelligent!

After a bit Bakura begins to pant. "Okay, why are we running." He slows down.

I chuckle. "I'm still a bit riled up."

"See now why I didn't want you to go into the park?" Bakura glances at me.

I nod. "Yeah." I give him a pout. "Still unfair, but ugh, yeah, they have knives."

We head down south, then east. More and more people appear on the street and our pace slows down even more.

"I only finished one alcopop," I say. "Stupid asshole throw the second one away, before I even opened it and the third one is probably still standing next to the bench."

"You only drank one bottle? Pff, you're slow."

"I wanted to enjoy it, not get drunk!"

"As if you'd get drunk by that."

"What, and you're not drunk?" I stare at Bakura. "You're a bit drunk, admit it!"

"I'm noot!" he moans.

"You are!"

"No!"

"Bakura!"

"Shut up!"

* * *

We arrive at the White Snake. There's no light downstairs. Maintenance must be over. We go around to the backyard and climb up the fire escape.

Bakura hiccups.

"Ha! See, you're drunk!" I shout.

"Shut the fuck up!" he whispers loudly.

We climb inside his room. It's quiet, Akefia either didn't hear us, doesn't care or isn't at home.

Bakura sits down on his bed and sighs. He has his hands in his coat's pockets and stares just in front of himself.

I undress. Phew, as much as I love the jacket, it is a bit bulky and I'm glad when I'm out of it. I am not as drunk as Bakura seems to be, but the world is still a bit shaky. I sit down on my mattress and poke Bakura's leg. "Hey, strip off."

He flashes a grin at me. "Oh yeah, that's what you'd like to see, eh?" He giggles to himself. He kicks off his shoes, then tries to get out of his coat without having to remove his hands out of the pockets. This of course doesn't work and he falls on his back, groaning. "Stupid thing."

"You're the stupid thing," I laugh and climb next to him.

Bakura is beautiful. I didn't close the curtains completely, so there's some light coming from outside, a wide strip falling right over his face. His hair is spread out into all directions, his eyes partially hidden under his big fringe. He hiccups, making his chest jolt up for a moment. He puts his hand on the middle of his body and moans annoyed. "What?" he mumbles, his eyes falling on me.

I lean down and plant a kiss on his mouth.

He doesn't move at first, letting it happen. I don't move either, I'm not sure what to do next. Firmly, my lips press against his.

But only one second passes, before he grunts and shoves me off. "Marik," he grouses in his deep voice.

I land next to him, on my back and lick my lips. Bakura tastes like beer.

He turns his face to me, glaring. "Fuck you, I'm not your kissing toy!"

"I never said you were," I reply confused. "But um, yeah, sorry, I guess." I look away.

"Idiot." Bakura gets up. He throws his coat onto his pile of clothes and stomps the two steps to his TV.

* * *

I listen to Bakura playing his games until the ceiling stops spinning.

How stupid of me to kiss him. But he looked so cute, I didn't think, I just did it.

He's hiccuping again. I stand up and bring him a glass of water, which he reluctantly takes. He gulps it down and gives it back to me. We don't exchange words during this, we're in the awkward phase again. When I come back into his room, I hear him hiccuping still.

"Dammit," I say and suddenly the awkward spell is broken.

"Come here," Bakura says, followed by a hiccup. "It'll go away if I distract myself."

I sit down next to him and he hands me the controller. We race against each other and this time we both suck, never reaching beyond third place. His hiccup indeed vanishes at some point.

"Are you still drunk?" I ask him. "I think I'm getting sober again."

"You drank one bottle of that kiddie wine, how drunk can you be?" he asks.

I shrug. "I'm not used to it."

"Though that would explain the kiss," he grunts. He heaves a sigh, then puts one hand to the floor. He leans closer to me. "Don't do ever dare to do that again, okay, Marik?" he hisses between his teeth. "We both know I'm not gonna hit you or anything, but I can ban you from my room. And ignore you. Do you want that?"

"No!" I shake my head, biting my lip. "No, I won't, I promise. Look," I chuckle, "it was wrong, I know that, I-"

"It's not about right or wrong," Bakura moans. "You and your 'moral' values." He sits up straight and faces the TV again. "It's simply that I don't want that and that's all."

"Alright, I got that," I say quietly.

I still feel kind of bad though. Or do I? To be honest, I just want to do it again. But it's not okay, if the other person doesn't want it!

* * *

We don't stay up for long. We're both tired. At two, Bakura turns off the PlayStation and the TV and we climb into our beds. He doesn't talk to me, because he's still pissed about the kiss. Goddammit, as if nobody ever kissed him or what? He was my first real kiss, but for him-

Oh. He was my first.

I did kiss a few girls, but those don't count. It was all a mere experiment, I was simply curious how it would feel. But Bakura does count, he's a guy. We just touched lips, not tongues, but it counts. Heh. I kissed Bakura.

He's probably mad, because I violated something of his again. If I had asked, he might even have said yes- Eh... Oh dammit, could that be? He was fairly drunk tonight, so who knows? I do think I know how he works: Ask, then it's ok. Don't ask and he spits fire at you. Oh man, I should have asked first! But who asks, you don't do it, you just know when the time comes, when the other gazes into your eyes...

Yeah, and what was all that staring tonight? And that touching when I helped him up? He's attracted to me, but won't admit it! Ughh, stupid Bakura, who cares if we're living together, it could work, we could work, why won't you give it a shot!

My head spins a bit as we're lying there in complete darkness. I lose grip of my thoughts and fall asleep fast.

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you for the reviews! ^_^ Hope you liked this chapter.**


	30. Day 81: The Funeral Part I

**Day 81**

* * *

 _3/12/2016 - Saturday - Daylight Savings_

* * *

The time will be advanced by one hour tonight. Normally I oversleep the procedure and we would advance the clocks the next morning. But since I'm working until 2 AM, I will advance the clocks as soon as I get back from work.

Bakura and I didn't mention the kiss. I'm actually ashamed of having done that. It showed how needy I am. Instead of forcing myself onto him, I should make _him_ want _me_.

* * *

I bought a dozen eggs. We never seem to have eggs, I guess neither Bakura not Kefia like them. I also got a few other things like milk and strawberries. And beer for Bakura. He always buys our food, so I thought I could buy him at least beer once.

I am breaking two eggs into a pan, making myself an omelette, when Bakura barges in, grunting to himself. "Hey," I greet him.

He notices me and comes into the kitchen, letting his backpack fall on the table. "Hey," he replies. He peeks over my shoulder. "Where do the eggs come from?"

"Bought them," I grin. "I'm making an omelette, want some?"

"Yeah, I'm starving," he says. He doesn't take off his coat but goes to the fridge and opens it. "Where are th- ah, here. You got strawberries too?"

"Yup."

He gives me an egg and I add it to mine. The pan takes a long time to get hot. "Just one? Thought you're starving."

He shrugs and sits down, chin propped up on his fist. "I'm so sick of school, can't wait for spring break!"

"When is that?" I ask. I turn on the heat up and the pan finally begins to sizzle.

"In two weeks."

"Cool."

"Mh."

We sit down to eat and Bakura takes his coat off. He's still huffing, presumably because of school, so I try to take his mind off of that: "I got you some beer. The cans remind me always of that clever scheme you carried out!" I smile at him.

He doesn't move his face up, only the eyes, glooming. "It's been days, Marik. How often are you going to repeat how awesome and smart that was?"

"But you are awesome and smart! Why, I just wanna make you feel good about yourself."

"Uh, well, stop it."

After we finished eating, we move into his room. He does some homework while I read a book of his. I can't concentrate though.

"Bakura?"

"Yes."

"I'm bored."

"Me too."

"But you're doing homework."

"Yeah, that's exactly my point."

"But you're not serious about it. I see you playing with your mobile all the time."

"Just asking Zorc about homework stuff."

"Mhm, sure."

"Hey, it's true. He's coming over later by the way, so..." He looks up and so do I.

I sit up. "So what? Want me to be gone?" I ask grumpily.

He purses his lips to one side and frowns. "Mh, no you can stay. But don't be weird."

"I'm never weird," I mumble.

"I mean don't put your head on my shoulder or stuff like that."

"As if!" I say, blinking. Why would I, that would be indeed weird and awkward. "You're weird yourself. No need to enhance it." I stick my tongue out at him.

* * *

I snoop around in Bakura's pile of books. The white backpack is lying next to it, being slightly covered by dust. Bleh, he just bought it, how can there already be dust on it? As I pick it up, I notice that there are big dust bunnies floating around on the floor. I know he never cleans his room, but dust bunnies? Can't remember the last time I saw those in real life.

"Bakura."

"What?" He's leaning over a school book, with a pencil in his mouth.

"There's soo much dust here! I wanna pick up the hoover. May I? Where is it?"

He looks up. "Ugh, no. I hafta concentrate here! There's not that much dust, what are you talking about?"

"Oh yeah? Come over here, those dust bunnies are bigger than your head!"

He gets up and comes to me, sighing. "Marik, it's no use. It'll get all dusted up in a week again anyways."

I chuckle and stand up. "Well, I'll hover in a week again, so it won't." That's like the basics of keeping your house clean.

He pouts and shrugs. "Mh, fine. Do whatever you want." He goes back to his desk.

"Oh, really?" I beam.

"Yeah, who cares," he mumbles.

I shouldn't be so happy about vacuum-cleaning, but I am. Bakura tells me the hoover is upstairs in the storage room. Ah, right, I think I spotted it once. I go up and come back with it. The thing is covered in dust itself. It's a dark blue upright model. And it is actually a 'hoover', the famous brand.

I plug it in and begin to vacuum around Bakura's books and other stuff and lift the piles up to get every single dust bunny. Bakura shoots looks at me and says something, but I can't hear him over the howling sound. Hah, it's such a good feeling to see all that dust vanish! I vacuum near Bakura's desk as well and he lifts his feet up.

"Ha! See, don't you feel a whole lot better now, Bakura?" I ask him after unplugging the hoover.

He shrugs. "Mh. Dunno. For a week maybe."

I pout. "I'll vacuum next week too, don't worry."

"Mh, doesn't make a difference."

Argh! Okay, that does it! "First you tell me it's useless cause it's gonna be all dusted up again in a week, and now it doesn't make much of a difference between a clean room and a one-week-undusted room? Make up your mind, Bakura! I think you just want to get on my nerves!" I step closer to him and put my hands on my hips.

He looks away. "Well, it's a fun game," he murmurs.

To make me angry? "Oh yeah? Let's see if I can make _you_ angry!" I open up the hoover, revealing it's bag. I wanted to check on it anyways, to see how full it is. But let's make Bakura mad too.

"What are you doing?" He gazes at me.

I remove the bag from the holder. It is pretty full already. Ew, all that dust and who-knows-what else stuck inside there for so long. Some dust flake is peeking through the holder hole. I grab the bag and hold it up. "Here, look how full this is! So much dust from your room is here inside. Want me to open it?"

Bakura inches away on his chair. "Uh, you're not supposed to open it, moron!"

"Why, it's not making a difference either way, right?" I mock him, holding it further up.

Bakura stares back and forth between me and the bag, scooting further away. "Ew, get it away from me! I have a dust allergy, Marik!"

"Another reason why you should vacuum frequently!" I say. I accidentally squeeze the bag too much and a dust bunny falls out, right on Bakura's head.

He squints his eyes and tries to swipe it away. "Marik! What the fuck!"

I laugh at him. The image is too funny: Bakura tries to get rid of the dust, but somehow he just keeps missing it, swiping over and over at the wrong spot.

"Where is it? Is it off?"

I put the bag down and lean closer to him, while he leans away. Right, I am not allowed to touch him, especially not his hair. He's such a princess sometimes. "There," I say, pointing at it, but he misses it again.

"Where?"

"Uh, there- No, more to the right- The other right!"

He let's his hand fall on the desk and grunts. "Just pick it up."

I blink. "You're sure?"

He nods.

I pick it up and let it fall into the trash can. He sneezes. "Bless you."

He wipes his nose with the back of his hand. "Ugh, see? My allergy."

I roll my eyes. "Which should be gone, now that it's clean here. Well, relatively." I'd like to change the bed sheets and stuff some time as well. But let's not annoy Bakura too much at a time. I put the bag into a trash bag and bring the hoover back upstairs. Bakura says he hasn't seen any new bags for it, but I search and find them in the opposite corner of the room.

Bakura is still fumbling with his hair, even though it's dust-free now. I laugh at him and he grunts at me.

* * *

At five, Bakura is done with his homework. He took long, but only because he was checking his phone every five minutes. Meanwhile, I could eat again. I grab the strawberries out of the fridge and find Bakura taking my place on his bed.

"Hey," I say with a full mouth. I wanted to lie there.

"What?" He glances up. "Oh, fruit?" He sits up and grabs a strawberry.

I slap his hand. "Hey, those are mine." I grin.

He pops it into his mouth. "Pff, I buy you food since forever, it's time you pay me back."

"That's true, but not now." I sit down on the edge of his bed, my back turned to him. "I'll pay you after my year is over. Maybe." I don't actually mind sharing my food with him. It's just a fun game to mess with him!  
He snorts and sits up again, trying to grab another strawberry over my shoulder, but I move the container away. "Stop it!"

"Hmpf, since when are you like this?" He's close, resting one arm on my shoulder, while he peeks over my other. "Gimme!"

"Nope! Get your own!"

"Uh." He reaches over my shoulder, while pushing his palm against my back. I push against him and hold the container away. "Marik," he growls next to me ear.

I turn my head and smirk at him. He's pouting. Mm, I wonder... If I kiss him now, would he taste like strawberries?

"Marik," he murmurs. He presses his face against my shoulder, so that only his eyes are visible. Huh, why is he doing that. I turn my head to the front again. I have a short-sleeved shirt on, so he only touches the fabric with his mouth and nose. He doesn't exert force against my back anymore, but rests his hand on it. He grabs my shoulder with the other hand. He's practically leaning against me. "Come on," he grumbles, his voice muffled, "gimme some strawberries. You love me, don't you?"

My heart skips a beat. "W-What does that have to do with anything?" I mumble. He's warm, or maybe it's me who's getting warmer.

"You love me, so you'll do anything I want." I feel his lips move against my shoulder. Mmm, it's almost like he's kissing me.

"Uh-uh, nope." I shake my head. I hope he doesn't hear how loud my heart is beating, but he can't, can he?

"Mmh," he makes against my shoulder. Mmm, don't move, stay right there. It's almost like you're hugging me from behind.

We don't move for a few seconds. I put the container back on my lap and Bakura props up his chin on my shoulder, pushing more of weight onto me. He reaches around me and grabs a strawberry. One strand of his hair falls over my shoulder. He's breathing right next to my ear, his face being so close to mine.

I don't move my head, but grin. "Mheh." How long his hair is. It reaches down to my midriff. I grab the strand and pull it lightly, just for the fun of it.

He puts the fruit into his mouth and chews loudly. "Mh, don't," he murmurs, then withdraws himself off of me.

And then there's a knock at the window.

* * *

We twitch. I look at Bakura who bites his lip. "Now act normal, okay?" he mutters and gets up. Oh right, that must be Zorc. Why didn't we hear the fire escape rattling?

I'm glad Bakura always insists of having the curtains before the window. Otherwise Zorc could have seen us. We weren't doing anything too weird, but it was still intimate. For me, at least. Heh, I'm happy how cute Bakura can be around me! He doesn't mind to touch me at all.

I must be still grinning, because Zorc gives me confused look as he climbs inside. Or is it because I am here, in Bakura's room? I put a strawberry in my mouth, as he opens his.

"You?" is his question, to which he adds a gaze at Bakura, meaning he wants him to answer it.

"He's clingy, I told you," Bakura murmurs and closes the window.

I glare at him. Yeah, right. Who's getting all depressive when I don't want to spend time with him. But it's alright, the more Bakura denies it, the more obvious it becomes.

As I mentioned once, Zorc isn't the most handsomest fellow. And when he looks at you, you think he's judging you for whatever you just said, making you feel bad. I still haven't figured him out but maybe I'll get to know him a bit better now. He's a bit bigger than Bakura and a bit thicker, but Bakura's thin anyways.

They proceed to sit down on my mattress - which earns another questioning look by Zorc, but no one reacts to it - and play that race game. I stay on Bakura's bed and eat my strawberries. Hm. I'm sure Bakura still wants some but won't dare to ask me, with his best friend around. I munch them all but four, then I get up.

"I'm full, want the rest?" I ask, holding the container down between their heads.

"No, thanks," Zorc says.

"Pff, I'm not eating after you," Bakura snaps.

"Uhu, sure," I reply huffing. I bring the plastic container into the kitchen and stay there, playing Candy Crush.  
I don't like how he's treating me. What is he afraid of? That Zorc checks that we're friends too? There's nothing more between us. He's in love with 'K.' anyways. So what is this about?

* * *

I gotta go to work soon. Which means I have to go back into Bakura's room and get dressed. Better not do that in front of them though.

They are still playing that stupid, stupid race game and laugh at each other when the other crashes. "Ugh, it smells in here," I say. "Mind if I open the window?"

"Nope."

"Nope."

Good. I step over them and pull the curtains back. They squint their eyes and flinch away from the sunlight like vampires. I chuckle and open the window. I kinda feel like the mother of two kids here.

I open the window fully, enjoying the cold wind that comes through. Hah, nice.  
I stand there a bit, resting my head on my palms. I get a bit sad when I hear them still chuckling. How long are their friends already? I'll never get as close to Bakura as Zorc is. Bakura is ashamed of me in front of Zorc, which means that Zorc is more important to him than I am.

"Uh, Marik," Bakura says. "Close it. It's enough."

"Yeah, close it!" Zorc says. "Got Bakura's hair in my face! I don't see where I'm heading!"

Bakura laughs loudly. "Pfaah, no, keep it open, Marik, keep it open!"

I look at them, wiping my own hair out of my face. Bakura's laughing like crazy, while Zorc pushes him away with one hand and tries to control his virtual car with the other. "Ugh, get your hair out of my face!" He pushes Bakura's head.

"Eghh, don't touch my head!" Bakura slaps his hand away, glaring at him.

"Calm down, drama queen," Zorc replies. "Miss holy hair strikes again!"

Bakura huffs and moves away from Zorc, while grabbing his hair strands together.

I grin and close the window. Alright, maybe Zorc isn't so close to Bakura after all.

* * *

I go upstairs and change into my working clothes. As I pass the Kulelna apartment I hear the boy's giggles. Heh. Even though he's Bakura's best friend, Zorc isn't allowed to touch his hair. But I am! Ha! I hum on my way to work.

Downstairs I find Akefia talking to Mahad in the girl's room. It's full. The girls are changing and listening in, while the two men stand aside and try to have somewhat of a private conversation. The music in the main room is already playing so I can't hear what they are talking about.

Right, what about that maintenance? They installed a DJ console I heard, but I haven't noticed any difference to the music yet.

As I pass Mahad and Kefia to check the girl's bathroom, I catch a few snippets:

"You know how it is."

"Mhm." Mahad nods. "You knew him well?"

"Eh. He's in Bakura's age. Was, I mean."

"Ah."

What was that about? ' _Was_ in Bakura's age'? Someone died?  
One of the toilets is a mess. Someone was obviously on her period and left a bloody tampon in the bowl. Ugh. I try to flush it, but whoever left it here, already must have tried that. Many thanks. I need to get some gloves.

So I pass the two again:

"I approve _that_ though," Mahad chuckles low. Sounds as if he wouldn't approve of something different.

"Do you?" Akefia pushes his jaw to the front and Mahad's glances at him.

"Uh." He shrugs and looks away. "Anyways... I gotta go." He rushes into my way and I have to pause my step for a moment so we don't crash into each other.

I glance at Kefia, who's frowning at Mahad's direction. Hm, and what was _that_ all about?

Just when I'm about to leave the girl's room, I hear one of the girls speak. "Did I hear right, Kefia? You're going on a funeral?"

"Yes," Akefia responds with lots of hesitation.

I force myself to walk out of the room. Gloves.

* * *

A bit later I see Akefia going upstairs.

Someone's dead. Who? Well, I obviously wouldn't know him, but is it someone from the Kulelna family? He's in Bakura's age. That's freakishly young. How did he die?

I help out Mai at the bar and she keeps talking to me, while I try to end the conversation with "mhm" and "uhu"'s. Finally, she pouts and puts her hands on her hips. "Okay, what's with you? You haven't had your break yet, so it is not about Bakura. You okay?"

"Huh, what do you mean?" I stutter. Guess I am a whole lot quieter now than when I got down, but- "It's not always about Bakura!" I growl, feeling heat rising up on my cheeks.

She grins. "Yeah, sure. But I guess this time, it really isn't. So...?"

I tell her what I overheard in the girl's room and she nods. "Okay, stop. That's neither your nor my business." She opens her mouth to add some more, but doesn't say anything. She frowns. "And how exactly does that make you sad?"

"I'm not sad," I say, putting the cleaned glass down with a bit too much force. "Um." I look at it, but it seems to be okay. "Whoever is dead, died very young," I mutter. "And that made me... okay, maybe a bit sad. It's creepy." The thought of dying so young, just like that. I need to see Bakura soon.

* * *

Break time. Bakura is in his closed room, Kefia in the kitchen. I can hear him eating. I am certain he heard me come inside the apartment. Uh, I shouldn't knock at Bakura's door now.

I pretend to go to the bathroom. It's believable, I think. I could go to the girl's bathroom or even the guest's bathroom, but both of them are hella nasty. Even tho I clean them three times a day.

Afterwards, I leave the apartment and go up to my room, then climb down the fire escape. I try to be silent, but I still make some sounds. I knock at Bakura's window and he opens.

Is Zorc still there, by the way? But no, he isn't. "Hey," I say to Bakura.

"Yo," he murmurs and goes back into bed, pulling a blanket over his head. "I'm tired, lemme sleep." He's dressed in only shorts and shirt.

"Sure," I reply. I still wanna hug you though. Has Akefia told you about the funeral? Is it someone you know, Bakura?  
I sit down on his bed. "Um," I start.

But he doesn't reply.

"Bakura," I try again.

"Shut up."

"Uh, but-"

"Marik, didn't I just asked you to be quiet and you said 'sure'?"

"Ask," I correct him.

"What?"

"'Didn't I just _ask_ you to be-'"

"Shut the fuck up already!" He rolls over to face me. "I'm trying to sleep!"

"Alright," I mutter. Yeah, I'm probably mean. We can talk another time about the funeral and stuff.

I pass the time with Candy Crush, while listening to Bakura's breath. It changes its pace slowly, while becoming louder. Soon, he's slightly snoring. I lie down next to him and close my eyes.

* * *

Not long, and work night is over. I never found out who left me that bloody present in the toilet bowl but- Heh, bloody. Would be such an awesome pun, if I were British.

Whatever. I head upstairs, yawning. Is Bakura still asleep? Mhh, I wanna talk.

Bakura's stereo is playing super loud when I come into the apartment. Oh, so Kefia tried to 'chat' with Bakura? Hopefully it was just chat and no hitting. The hall is empty and all doors are closed, except for the kitchen. I grab some left overs from the fridge and knock at Bakura's door.

Which doesn't do a damn thing, cause he cannot hear me. Stupid Marik. Okay, should I go upstairs? Uh, it's so annoying, but I have no other choice, I guess.  
As soon as I enter my room, I hear the music stop. Of course. I turn around and go back downstairs.

Finally, I am back in Bakura's room! He doesn't even so much as glance at me and falls straight back into his bed. "Uhh," he moans, his face buried in his pillow. At least he put on a jogger now.

"You okay?" I ask, closing the door.

"No."

Right, he always says no. "I mean, is it worse than usual?" I sigh.

"No."

At least that. "Uh, did- Did Kefia talk to you?" I sit down on my mattress and open my Tupperware with the chicken salad.

"If you call that 'talk'," he huffs and lifts his head, pointing at his cheek. It's a bit red.

I growl. "Ugh." I get on my knees and lean on the bed. "He hit you hard?"

"No, it's okay," he mumbles, rolling onto his back.

"It's not," I reply.

Bakura doesn't comment on that, so I sit back down and eat my salad. I never got to talk to Kefia about that either. I am pretty sure it won't do a thing, but I should at least try. I don't care about my strikes. Maybe not now though, what's with the funeral and all.

"Uh, so... He said something?" I try again.

Bakura sits up and frowns at me. "Alright, what's going on?"

I shrug. "Nothing. Just-"

"You heard about Gahi?" he interrupts me.

I shake my head. "No... Wait, maybe yes. Who is he?"

"Cousin of mine. He's dead." Bakura says this in the most casual manner possible, as if he just told me that he's blond.

"Oh yeah, yes, him," I reply. I let out a confused chuckle. "A-Aren't you- I don't know, shocked? Or sad?"

"I didn't know him well."

"Oh." We stare at each other. I cannot say whether he's pretending to not feel anything or if he's really not fazed by his cousin's death. I don't want to be insensitive. "Do you know how he died?"

Bakura hesitates to shake his head. "Pff, right. That bastard never told me." He shrugs. "I may find out tomorrow, at the funeral."

I widen my eyes. "It's tomorrow? You're going?"

"I'm not sure. I guess. Could be funny." He pushes himself off the bed and stands up. "Don't forget to eat between your sympathy outbursts," he mumbles, leaving the room.

I turn around to him. "Oh I'm sorry, Bakura! I am sorry for your loss!" Did I hurt him? I tried to be careful. And I was actually really holding my fork in the air all this time. Now I take a big bite and follow Bakura to the kitchen.

"I meant that, moron." He's taking a can out of his cupboard. Beans. I sit down at the table and wipe my mouth. "You're more sorry for his death than I am."

Oh. I pout. "Aren't you sorry at all?"

"No. A stranger died. I don't care."

"He wasn't a stranger. He was your cousin."

He snorts at that. I put my fork aside while he heats the beans in a pan. "Don't tell me you're waiting for me with the food."

"I am."

He sighs.

* * *

We don't talk much while eating. I pissed him off by being too friendly. So I ask him how his day with Zorc was. He tells me that Akefia knocked and yelled while Zorc was still being there, but he left before Bakura opened the door. Then Bakura asks me how my work day was. I tell him about the tampon and he gags and says girls are disgusting. I laugh.

Afterwards we go to bed.

"Uh, I gotta get up tomorrow at seven or something," Bakura moans. "The funeral is in some other city."

"That's in four hours."

"Ughhh, yeahh...!"

"You don't have to go, if you don't want to."

He turns his head to me. "Gee, really?" He sighs. "But it's not like you get to see a funeral very often, so I should."

I look back at him. "Are funerals this interesting to you?"

"Kinda. I like graveyards."

"That's weird," I grin. "You emo."

"Pff," he laughs. He rolls onto his side and puts his arm under his head. "It's silent there," he mutters. "The most silent place ever."

"Well, you can visit the cemetery any time, you know," I chuckle.

"Hm, yes. But..." He doesn't finish his sentence and keeps looking at me.

"Uh, then good night?" I smile at him.

He raises one eyebrow. "No questions tonight?"

"Nah, you should sleep."

He laughs. "How generous of you!"

* * *

Yet he still remains in his position and doesn't move his eyes from me. Um, okay. I stay on my back and keep on looking too. I can't say what his facial expression means. Is he sad? He isn't, he told me. But what's with those tired eyes and the low hanging corners of his mouth? Oh, I'm such a dork. He has every right to be sad. His father beats him up. My gaze falls on the floor.

I want to say his name, but he has to sleep. No time for me now. Sleep is more important!

Yet when I look up again, he's still staring. Okay, not staring, but looking in my direction, letting his eyes wander.

"Ba-" I bite my lips. Shut up, Marik.

He chuckles. "Yes?"

"I didn't say anything."

"You wanted to say my name. So what is it?"

"I don't know. You're the one not closing his eyes."

"Uh, no? Yours are open as well."

"Well, I wait for you to close them."

"So you can watch me in my sleep? Ah, who am I kidding, you're probably doing that for a long time already," he sighs and turns around on his back. "Marik."

"Yes?"

He turns his head to me. "Umm..." He isn't making a thoughtful expression, he just keeps on looking.

"Yes?" I try again.

"Ah, nothing. Let's sleep."

"Alright."

I turn around on my side, facing away from Bakura. If I don't look at him, he won't look and we can sleep. I am tired as well and close my eyes.

"So what do you think of Duke?"

I open my eyes again. "Eh?" I turn on my back. "Bakura, I thought you wanted to sleep."

"Mmh, can't."

"Uh."

"Wha-"

"Bakura."

"Mh?"

We stare at each other. He bites his lower lip and I rub my forehead. "Duke seems nice. Good night."

"Mm."

I turn away from him and pull my covers up. Bakura is cute, not being able to sleep, but now it is time.

He can tell me what he wants, I refuse to believe that cemeteries and funerals don't make him at least a bit sad. He is a sad type, never seeing anything positive in things. So strolling around on cemeteries fits him. And yeah, it is quiet there, isn't it? I would like to walk around with him on it, hand in hand, talking about our future-

"Marik."

I almost laugh out loud. "Bakura," I reply, grinning.

"Mm. Look, tomorrow-"

"Hah!" I turn and around and sit up at the same time; I turnsit- Okay, no, that word doesn't exists. Anyhow, I sit up and point at him. "I _knew_ you were affected by your cousins death!"

He snorts. "No, still not affected. Still not knowing him. Barely knowing him." He breathes in. "Marik, maybe if you, um..." He blinks and never finishes his sentence.

"What is it?" I moan. This is a first time. I am the annoyed one and he's the one with the questions. What is he so shy about? I let myself fall on my back and stare at the ceiling.

"Maybe if you want... You could come along?"

I look up at him. Oh. "Me? Uh, um," To the funeral?! "Yeah," I reply, because that's my default answer when it comes to Bakura. "Sure." It comes a bit suddenly though.

"Really? Okay," he mumbles and gives me a half-smile. "Okay, then good night."

"Uh, that means I gotta get up at seven as well," I groan.

"Mh, probably more like six. I'm not gonna shower or anything, so I am okay with getting up and going, but you may not," Bakura chuckles. "If you want to shower-"

"Okay!" I sigh loudly. I sit up again. "Can you put on an alarm for me on your phone?"

He nods, sits up and grabs it from under his pillow. "Six, yes?"

"Uh, make it half past."

"Alright, done. Here. Put it near you, so I don't wake up." He hands me the mobile and I lay it next to my head.

"And you can just up and go?" I wonder.

He shrugs. "Yeah, I don't get why other people can't."

"Well, one might feel dirty if he doesn't shower," I say between my teeth. "Also, you want to have some chill time before you have to leave the house."

"Nah." He waves my arguments off.

And we're staring again. "Okay," I say slowly.

He presses his lips together. "Yup, good night."

"Good night."

We turn away from each other and _finally_ go to sleep.

Stupid Bakura. So that was what it was all about. He wanted to ask me to come with him, but didn't had the courage. Why not? It's not like we're going to marry - no, it's even the opposite: It's a funeral. Still a somewhat personal experience, I guess? Lots of people take their loved ones with them, so they have someone to hold onto. That's not the case here. So why is he asking me?

Either way, I'm happy about that. Even if it means that I hafta get up in three hours again. Oh gawd, fall asleep already!

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you Veronika San! cx Yup, Bakura is a dork e-e**


	31. Day 82: The Funeral Part II

**Day 82**

* * *

 _3/13/2016 - Sunday_

* * *

The phone makes a sound as soon as I close my eyes. Or so it seems.

At first I am confused and want to smash it in some corner, so that I can continue to sleep. But there's a note on the alarm: ' _Funeral_ '. I read the words but they never reach my brain.

I manage to deactivate the alarm and put my head back on my pillow, the phone still in my head.

Someone's rustling near me. Ishizu? It's been long since we slept together in the same room.

I open my eyes. I gotta get up. Ugh. Ugh, ugh, ugh!

* * *

Can't even remember how I got under the shower. But it's my own fault, why did I stay up so long, when I know I have school the next d-

Oh. Somewhere between putting shampoo on my head and massaging it in, I remember reality again.

I'm not at home. I'm here at The White Snake.

* * *

I walk back into Bakura's room, feeling dizzy. I didn't bring clothes with me, so I gotta ask Bakura for new ones. Too lazy to go upstairs. I take a peek on the watch on my mattress. Twenty to seven.

The bathroom was warm, so someone used it before. Akefia? Right, how do we get to that funeral? And _with_ Akefia? Is that the reason Bakura wants me to come along?

I step to Bakura's bed. "Hey," I whisper. "Bakura." I softly shake his arm. He hasn't moved an inch since the alarm sounded.

"Mmm," he replies. Is he awake? His eyes are closed with force, the blanket is over his nose. "No."

"Bakura," I chuckle. "Can I get some clothes?"

"Ghyes," he manages to get out.

I take what I need and sit down on the bed. I guess he's still asleep, so he won't look while I change, right? I'm not sure if I would mind that much anyways.

* * *

A few sit ups and a hot milk later, I feel awake.

"Hey, Bakura," I say. "It's ten before seven."

"Mmm."

"I made hot milk."

"Mm."

I let out a giggle. He's so cute! "Ba-koo-rah!" I say loudly and climb onto the bed. "Come on!" I shake him strongly. "Come on, come on, come on!"

"Ugghh, leave me alone," he replies and turns around on his other side, inching closer to the wall.

"Nope! It's ten to seven, get up! Get up, get up, get up! Gettupgettupgettupgettup!"

"Marikk!"

Shaking doesn't work. At least he's yelling at me. Means, he's awake now. "Come on," I grin. "I just came back from showering and I'm naked."

That actually makes him jerk up and take a lazy glance over his shoulder. "Uh, you liar."

"Heh. Now, get up. Akefia seems to be up as well."

"Mh..."

"Bakura!"

"Ten minutes, Marik! It's not seven yet."

I pout. What, am I your mother? "Noo! Get up now. I'm gonna annoy you until it's seven anyways!"

"Have fun," he grumbles and hides his head under the covers.

Are you challenging me? Oh, you can have that! "I will," I grin and put one leg over him, so that I am sitting on top of him. Heh, that's kinda hot.

"Mhhmarik," he complains. "You're heavy."

"Yup, heavy build with superhuman strength!"

"Gethofhfofme."

"No," I whisper and lean down until my head touches his. "Get up."

"Mmhh. Okay!" Suddenly he's turning around, throwing me off. I land half on the bed and grab his arm, so that I don't fall.

"Uh!"

"Idiot!" He pulls me next to him. We're on our backs. He turns his head to me. "Fine, you won."

I flash him a grin.

He smirks.

* * *

Bakura still takes his time. He sits on the bed for good five minutes, before moving his butt to the kitchen. I pour him a cup of hot milk and make him sit down. His hair is felted. He combs it with his fingers and stares at his cup. "Mhh. Is Kefia outside?"

I shake my head. "I don't know. The bathroom was warm, so he must have used it."

"Mm. He's probably getting fuel for the car or something."

I nod slowly. "You have a car?"

"Yeah. Parked at some garage somewhere. I used to steal it and drive around, so he hides it now."

I laugh. "Really?" That is so immature, of both of them.

He shrugs, then looks up past my head and frowns. "Marik."

"Hm?" I look into the direction he's looking. Huh, the clock on the wall says it's six. But that can't be.

"Ah, daylight saving," Bakura mutters, looking at me.

"Oh, right." I blink. "Wait, we are supposed to... advance it one hour! Yeah, so your phone and my watch manage that on their own, but the simple clock here, does not!" I climb on my chair so I can reach the clock. "I wanted to advance all clocks yesterday after work, but I totally forgot."

"I fucking hate daylight saving," Bakura murmurs and sips his milk.

I climb back down. "Okay, it's dark in the morning, but for that it's less dark in the evening."

He chuckles huffily. "I don't care about that. But you know, they only invented it to make people buy more. If the sun stays up for one hour more, people are in a better mood to buy stuff."

"And you're against that?"

"It's just all about buying and consuming," he groans. "Money is all people care about. Isn't that sickening?"

I smile. Didn't think Bakura would be so... I don't know the word for it. Selfless? Uncaring-for-money ess? Altruistic? What does altruistic even mean.

* * *

We sip our milk and wait for Akefia. Bakura gets more and more awake. He gets up to make himself coffee, even though he hasn't finished his milk yet. But he discovers that there is no ground coffee left, so he sits back down glaring.

"Bakura, why do you want me to come with you?" I ask.

He snorts. "I don't want that. I mean, I don't care. I thought maybe you would want to."

I sigh in annoyance. Alright. What other answer did I actually expect? "And he's your cousin?"

"Was. And no, he's..." Bakura glances up. "Um, he's my cousins' son. So, second cousin, I guess?"

I take a sip. "So your uncle's grandchild...?"

"No. Kefia's uncle."

"Huh?"

"My grandfather had a brother," Bakura explains. "This brother's kid had a kid. That's Gahiji. Was."

"Complicated."

"Eh."

"Didn't know you have such a big family."

He shrugs. "I don't really. I don't talk to them."

"Your grandfather is still alive?" I ask.

"Nope. My grand uncle is though. While my uncle, Kefi's brother, is dead."

"Oh. Why? I mean-"

"Heart failure or something like that."

"Mm." I take a sip because I don't know what to say. "That's sad."

"Mh. His own fault. He was fat. Big as a mountain." Bakura puts his head on his fist. "I need to get some coffee or red bull or I'll die before we get there."

* * *

The apartment door opens. We stop talking. Bakura grabs his mug, with the now cold milk and takes sips.

"You're actually awake?" Kefia steps into the kitchen. He has a jacket on that I haven't seen on him before. Black. Right, his usual red one wouldn't fit to the funeral. "Get up, aunt Gladys is here to pick us up."

He doesn't even look at me, acting as if I weren't in the room. "Good morning!" I say.

Now he glances, but steps closer to Bakura, who's busy finishing his beverage.

"Okay, let me just drink up, yeah? Go wait downstairs!" he says.

"We're gonna wait five minutes. Not longer. "Akefia breathes out loudly and leaves the room, then the apartment.

"Stupid Gladys," Bakura moans as soon as the door shuts. He stands up and sighs. "Uhh, just- Just don't listen to anything she says, okay?"

"Huh, why? What does she say?" I stand up too and drink my cup empty.

"You'll see," Bakura replies.

* * *

We grab our coats and descent downstairs via fire escape. It's still dark, but the sunrise is near. You can tell because the sky is slightly purple near the horizon. Bakura tells me that aunt Gladys is the widow of his dead overweight uncle. They aren't direct relatives. He keeps turning around to me while explaining, talking quickly. He wants to add something, as he opens his mouth and frowns, but we're already down. It's too close, they might hear us.

Aunt Gladys' car is an old Ford. She's old too. Around sixty, I guess. Far older than I thought. Does that mean that Bakura's uncle was older too? Gladys has short grey hair and wears a pearl necklace with a cross around her neck. Her coat is dark grey.  
Dammit, I am the only one here with a light colored jacket, which probably doesn't fit to a funeral. I put on a black sweater though.

"Hello, sport," Gladys says in a raspy voice. "You barely grew last time I saw you. Don't tell me you're still smoking?"

Bakura shrugs and doesn't say a word.

I huff chuckling.

First of all, that's the worst greeting I ever heard. Other aunts would say 'aww, you grew so much my little cutie!' while she is saying the exact opposite. And second: Gladys is smoking herself, leaning her elbow on the car's window frame. Great lecture here, really.  
She draws slowly on her cigarette and looks at me with half closed eyes. "And who is that?" she croaks, making a disgusted face. She looks over at Bakura, who's pulling at the car's door handle.

"A friend," Bakura replies low.

"Why is he coming with us?" asks Akefia loudly, sitting in the passenger's seat.

Ugh, stop referring to me, as if I wasn't here! What's with you people?! "Because I want to!" I answer, just as loud. Actually, because Bakura wants to, but I can't say that out loud even though we both know that it's true. Nobody wants me here and still I am coming! I go around the car and get inside, before anyone can protest.

"Not with that attitude, you. Now get out, come here and apologize." Gladys says that in such a serious manner, as if I smashed some precious porcelain doll of hers or slapped her or something.  
I glance at Bakura, who widens his eyes and presses his lips together, nodding. _Yes, go._

This is embarrassing. I get out and step to her side of the car, passing Akefia, who's frowning at me.

Gladys throws her cig stump at my feet as I am near. "So? You're sorry or what?"

"Yes, uh, ma'am, I am sorry," I murmur, not believing the situation. I am so _not_ sorry.

She looks at me with her chin up, pops something into her mouth and starts chewing. "Good. Get in then, who'd want to not let a friend of Bakura's not coming along to a stranger's funeral. You'd miss big time." What's with this sarcasm? You're inhaling it along with all the nicotine off your cigarettes? And I'm pretty sure one of those negations was unnecessary.

I make my way back and get in, huffing. Now I understand what Bakura meant. She's one mean aunt.

"Fasten your seat-belts, boys!" she says.

* * *

Bakura doesn't say a word and doesn't make any big movements during the car ride. He just sits there, with his arms crossed. Mm, I'd love to lean my head on your shoulder but we're sitting too far apart. Plus, the too 'adults' in front of us surely wouldn't approve. I stare out of the window, watching the street blur by. The sun comes up at my side and blinds me whenever it glimpses through the buildings.

"You heard about Jerry's daughter?" Gladys asks Akefia over the loud radio music.

"What's with her? She still owns that pet shop, right?"

"Apparently," she says slowly, "she's a lesbian _for now_."  
I look up. I can see in the corner of my eye that Bakura moves his head as well.

"Oh." Akefia's tone of voice is of course disapproving.

"It's almost as if there's more and more of those scums," Gladys adds. "Let's hope Trump will ban gay marriage."

Ugh. You're the friggin scum! Jerry's daughter - whoever she might be - surely isn't a lesbian _for now_ , but always was. She was just too scared to come out because of such assholes as you! And why would you support Trump? Though it _does_ make sense, seeing that he's just as much of a jerk as you! Hating minorities and being for guns! Stupid, disgusting assholes! I am breathing faster and louder and Bakura glances as me.

"You okay back there?" Gladys gazes through the rear mirror at me.

"Yeah," I groan.

"Yes, he is!" Bakura replies loudly.

I frown at him but he doesn't look back. What, do you always have to talk loud and clearly for dear aunt Gladys or what? What a despicable person! Treating me like a six year old.

If I knew this is how my day would start, I-

And now I know why Bakura asked me to come along. Akefia and Gladys aren't the only mean and hateful people in his family.

* * *

We're following the Interstate 75, heading north, until we're out of Kentucky. Heh, we passed a city named Florence. What a stupid name. Soon, we're entering Indiana. Huh, how long will we drive? I do hope we're back home til six.

Two hours later the sun is up and the highway is getting fuller. We're on 74 now, moving west. We make a stop at a gas station, so Gladys can buy more cigarettes and Akefia can go to the toilets. I'm glad to have a break from her voice; that constant yapping about everything she hates gives me a headache. Isn't there anything she _doesn't_ hate? How can you be like this; I'd get depressed. I rather think of everything that makes me happy, not unhappy.

Gladys tells us to stay put and goes into the gas station's shop. Kefia doesn't say anything and just vanishes around the corner of the shop.

We climb out of the car as well. Bakura stretches his limbs and sighs.

I walk to him sigh loudly as well. "And I thought Akefia would be the worst one in your family." I let my head hang.

Bakura chuckles. "She's not really family. We're not relatives."

"Yeah." I nod. "But she's your uncle's widow."

He shrugs. "So what."

"I wonder why your uncle married her," I mumble.

Bakura laughs. "Oh, we all do!" He leans against the car and crosses his arms before his chest.

"And how did he manage to get overweight, I mean, she surely nagged on him because of that, didn't she?"

"Yup, constantly. Guess he ate because of frustration. We have that running joke that he ate himself to death so that he could escape her."

I let out a chuckle. "That's horrible." I step to the side and lean next to Bakura against the car. "Uhh." I stretch my arms up until I hear a crack. "Where are we going anyways?" I ask. "Where is this funeral?" This whole trip is so weird. No one ever even mentions the deceased but talks badly about everybody living.

"Pff, as if they tell us," Bakura grumbles. "Gonna ask though. You better stay silent," he whispers. Gladys is done buying and is stepping out of the shop.

"She doesn't know you're gay, does she?" I whisper back.

Bakura subtly shakes his head.

Akefia knows though. Yet he hasn't revealed it to Gladys. Which is uncharacteristic for him? Or is it. Kefia seems a lot more passive now that I have met Gladys. She'd manage and send Bakura to one of those make-gays-straight camps. Maybe that's the reason Akefia keeps it a secret.

Gladys puts a cigarette in her mouth while heading towards us. I hope I don't have to tell you not to light that thing up while we're here. "Stand straight, boys!" she says from afar. "Young man should always stand proud and tall."

I instantly straighten up, but feel stupid for being so obedient, so I cross my arms, pressing them hard against my body, making my biceps bulk out. Bakura breathes out loudly through his nose and let's his arms fall. He straightens up a bit. "Yes," he says.

"Ah, you do got a bit bigger," Gladys says, stepping to him. She grabs his shoulders and gives him a probing look. "Still so weak though. Here, look at your fellow," she point her thumb at me without averting her eyes from Bakura, "at least he's got some build."

"At least?" I repeat. Wh- Why 'at least'? What's wrong with me in her eyes?!

"I don't like to put on weight, aunt Gladys," Bakura says softly and for a moment the woman's eyes lose their stern look.

"I understand that," she replies and nods. She gives Bakura a pat on his arm.

Akefia comes back, I hear his breath and his steps. Hm, I got good at recognizing and differentiating between his and Bakura's steps. "Ready?" he asks, looking at Bakura, then at me. We nod.

"Hop in," Gladys croaks.

* * *

That was clever of Bakura. Telling Gladys he fears to put on weight, reminding her of how dangerous weight gain can be.

I can't stand the way she ignores me though. Not talking to me directly, but _over_ me. And why 'at least'? I don't get that. Akefia might be brutal and violent, but he's straightforward and will punish you directly. But Gladys has probably some mental list with plus and minus points about you and as soon as you got enough negative points, she'd leave you standing at some gas station for an hour so you 'learn your lesson'.

"Where is the funeral?" Bakura asks once we're in the car.

"Indianapolis," Gladys answers.

"Just one more hour," Akefia sighs.

I laugh inwardly at the thought that Akefia too might find Gladys obnoxious.

I might be right. Kefia turns on the radio while Gladys lights up her cig. It's some stupid folk station, playing songs that all sound alike. But still better than Gladys' opinion on politics or society. So we drive for a while in peace. Bakura closes his eyes, sighing. He must be tired. We only slept a few hours. Right, with the daylight savings we even slept one hour less. Why did that had to be today of all days!

Soon, we're off the highway, entering Indianapolis. I sit up and peer through the window. We're in Indiana, right? Somehow exciting. I'd love to walk around and explore the city together with Bakura. Even just dozing off on some bench would be preferable than spending time with his mean family. I hope we don't have to hang around Gladys and Akefia while we're on the funeral.

And I still wonder how Gahiji died.

I lean back as a wave of fatigue comes over me. I try to sleep a bit, but it's not possible with the loud music. Luckily, Gladys turns it off- Uh, unless she'll start talking, then it's even worse.

"Kef, where's this church then? You got your invitation?" Gladys asks.

Akefia clears his throat. "It's a mosque," he says.

* * *

Suddenly all hell breaks lose. Gladys starts throwing curse words around, before adding: "...terrorists!" She actually loses her grip on the vehicle for a moment and the car softly swings right and left for a second.

I groan as response and Bakura laughs out loud.

"It's okay," Akefia says loudly. "Relax for a minute, yes?"

"I just didn't know," Gladys grumbles.

"Really?" I peep.

I mean, what did she expect?! The Kulelna family comes from Egypt, and the dead boy's name was Gahiji, so... what did you expect? I have no idea how Muslim funerals differ from christian, but does it matter? Plus, your _own_ dead husband was Egyptian, so- ehhh? I don't get how she can be this racist and still manage to be a widow of a Muslim. Alright, maybe he wasn't Muslim, but he was still from Egypt.

"Who knows if they even let me in without a hidschab," Gladys says.

Akefia grumbles something only he can understand. Guess he's pissed off at her as well.

I can't say I have any idea of Muslim stuff. Dad used to celebrate Christmas with us, but only to make us more normal. I don't feel neither Muslim, nor Christian. I never had the impression that the Kulelnas cared much about religion either. But apparently some of their family members do.

We drive a bit in silence, after Akefia finds the mosque's address. I'm surprised Gladys is willing to drive there after her outburst.

My watch tells me it's five after ten. Haven't been awake at this hour for a long time. My headache is only growing. Bakura has his eyes closed again. I lean back.

* * *

"Should be here somewhere," Gladys mumbles.

Huh? Oi, I fell asleep. I straighten up and wipe the saliva off my mouth. I glance at Bakura, who's yawning. "Ughh," he stretches his arms, "will you go inside, aunt Gladys?" he asks. I chuckle. Does he always have to refer to her as _aunt_?

"If they let me."

We arrive at a parking lot, that is already good filled. Huh, do all those thirty, forty cars belong to the grieving family and friends of Gahiji? We climb out and sigh collectively. There's a big building with a round top at the end of the lot, that must be the mosque. It's looks pretty.

"It starts at thirty, so let me smoke one or two." Gladys pulls out her cigarette pack.

Bakura checks his watch. "Ten minutes." He glances at me, then looks at his aunt. "Mm, aunt Gladys, Marik and I will go ahead already, yes?"

She checks him out but nods. "Alright, boys."

He nods to me and heads towards the building. I follow him, putting my hands in my pockets. Do not talk yet, do not talk yet, they are watching us.

Twenty five steps later I glance over my shoulder. Gladys is turned with her back to us, Akefia is nodding. She's surely talking again. "Phew," I sigh, "every second with her is unbearable."

Bakura chuckles. "Welcome to aunt Gladys! Heh," he chuckles more and moves slower so that I can catch up, "I'm glad you're here." He grins and suddenly links arms with me.

I prop my lower arm up to support his. "I'm glad too," I reply, grinning back like crazy.

* * *

There is a group of people standing before the mosque, talking quietly to each other. A woman in a headscarf approaches them and mumbles something, then they all go inside together. They all wore black and dark grey coats and pants.

"Bakura, do you think it's inappropriate for me to wear this jacket?" I whisper to him.

"Hm, why?"

"Cause it's khaki."

"Mh. I don't think anyone will say anything. It's not like it's pink."

"Let's stay at the back."

"Yup, where else."

We're near the entry and stop. The wooden doors are slightly ajar. "Don't you want to go to the front and I don't know, say goodbye to him?" I ask quietly.

Bakura lets go of me. "Yes, I wanna take a look at him. But then we can go to the back again."

I nod. "Alright. You want to go alone to the front or...?"

"Why, don't you want to see a corpse?"

I frown. "Corpse? Bakura, he was your cousin!"

" _Second_ cousin!"

* * *

Bakura is just as inappropriate as Gladys sometimes. We go inside together and Bakura grabs my arm again. He let's it go soon though, because we have to take off our shoes. I'm so glad I have put on white socks today and not blue or red. So many shoes lie here already! Must be around eighty, so forty pair of feet! Forty people coming for Gahiji? I don't think I would find ten people to come!

The mosque big, carpeted and quiet. The ceiling and pillars are golden, the walls white, the carpet dark blue with white ornaments. We walk to the row of backs; people kneeling in front of the deceased, I think. Can't see him. They seem to be waiting; fifteen people in one row, three rows. Bakura and I look at each other, shrugging, as we approach them. What now? We can't go to the front. It's quite different from a Christian funeral.

There's an interesting mix here: A short row of ten young men wear white long clothing along with white caps. Another line wears dark colors. Yet another group seem to be teens, people in our age. One of them still wears his baseball cap inside here, another one, a girl, has pink socks and a pink sweater on.

Bakura and I sit down closely on our knees behind the teens.

It's so quiet. Nobody says a word.

Let's see... How many people would come to my funeral? Dad, Ishizu, Rishid. Bakura, perhaps? No one of my class, okay maybe Sarah. My grandparents are all dead, friends I have none. Uh, so five people maybe? How ridiculous.

Bakura nudges me and leans closely, so that his lips almost touch my ear. "I need a cig before we drive back home, so don't go back to the car immediately," he says super quietly.

I nod.

I hear more people approaching. Oh, it's a group of twenty or twenty five, more people in our age group, even a few younger ones. Dressed in dark clothing, they come to us, continuing our row. Where are Gladys and Akefia?

Here they come. "Here," Gladys whispers, poking her finger in our sides. Ouch. We turn around and nod at them. Gladys stinks of cigarettes.

Isn't it past half already? My legs start to hurt so I kneel up and stay that way until a man dressed in white steps to the front. Everybody sits down on their feet.

* * *

The man starts reciting a short passage from the Koran I think, then he begins talking about Gahiji Kulelna, about his personality - 'a helpful and kind young man, never taking, always giving' - and his accomplishments in life. Which wouldn't be many you'd think, given that he was only 17, but to my surprise Gahiji had a lot of interests.

He attended the mosque often and ate together with fellow young Muslims. The men with the white clothing and caps subtly look up. Gahi also was also a very good student, spending the prize money he won in at his school's chess tournament to children in need. The girl in pink wipes her eyes. Furthermore, he was a member of his local choir group and would have gone to their state tour in a month. One of the people next to me breathes out through his mouth.

I'm baffled. How can such a young person have so many interests and hobbies and time to follow them all?! Gahiji must have been a really nice guy.

Behind us, I hear soft sobbing. I peek over my shoulder and see an older woman whose tears run down her face. She is holding onto a handkerchief, her hand trembling. The older man next to her has his hand on her shoulder; his eyes are closed. My heart breaks. Those must be the parents. I turn my head back to the front and gulp.

I can't concentrate on what the man at the front is saying. Why is Gahiji dead? How did that happen? The poor parents. I can't imagine how it must feel to lose a child, but it must be similar to how it would feel if I lost Dad or Ishizu or Rishid. My chest tightens and I feel tears coming up but I can blink them away. I can still hear the mother's sobbing.

* * *

Afterwards the men are invited to pray for Gahiji in the prayer room. Huh, so there's a room dedicated for praying? Most of the people clear out, but some stay, wiping their tears away. Bakura and I go outside as well, joining Akefia and Gladys.

"Just as expected," Gladys says, lighting up a cigarette. We're near the entrance of the mosque and I frown at her. It seems rude to me to smoke so close to a funeral.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

She moves her eyes at me, looking somewhat surprised. What, aren't I'm allowed to talk to you? "You would understand if you were part of the family," she says.

I glare at her but don't answer.

Bakura clears his throat. "Um, I need a walk. Marik, would you come along?" He gives me a fake smile.

I nod. "Okay."

"We're back in ten," Bakura adds. Kefia and Gladys nod.

As we're moving away from them, I hear Gladys repeating my name. "Who's this boy anyways?"

"He's working at the Snake," Akefia replies.

* * *

"Ugh, what does she have against me?" I groan as soon as we put enough space between them and us.

Bakura fishes his cigarette pack out of his coat and puts one of the cigs between his lips. "It's because of your skin color." He shrugs.

"Huh?" I look at him.

We're at the end of the parking lot which is bounded by a low brick wall. Bakura sits down on it and lights up his cigarette. "Haven't you noticed? She's racist."

I blink. "Yeah, but- She was married to an Egyptian guy. Wasn't he Muslim as well? How can she-"

Bakura looks up. "He had the same skin condition as I have." He taps his cheek. "White pale skin. But his hair was dark, so he looked just as any other normal white guy. Guess she doesn't care as much about where you're actually from, as long as you're looking white."

I huff. "Stupid."

"Yup. And he wasn't religious, so she had no problem with that." Bakura blows his smoke away from me but the wind bring it back and I step to the side.

I cross my arms before my chest. I have rarely met people who had any issue with my skin color. I'm not black, but tanned. You can tell it's natural, but I'm not sure if you can tell where I'm from. Sometimes people ask where I'm from, and I tell them but that's that. "And what about Kefia? He's tanned but has white hair. Shouldn't she hate him also?"

"Hm. She said once he earned her respect or something like that, so..."

"Pff." I roll my eyes.

Bakura pats the spot on the wall next to him. "Come here. The smoke is coming right at you, no matter where I blow it."

I take a seat next to him. Bakura never had a problem with my skin color or anyone else's. Or religious beliefs. I can't picture him as the religious type, but he seems to be tolerant with people. Which only makes me fall in love with him more.

"Impressive though, wasn't it?" Bakura asks.

"Yeah!" I nod strongly. "How many people were in there? Maybe hundred? From his school, mosque, clubs and choir... I wish people would miss me that much when I died!"

Bakura chuckles. "I knew that but it impressed me too."

"You didn't know him well, you said?"

"Yeah, but his parents are ambitious. Pushed him hard already when he was little. He had to go to sport clubs and take private lessons for school."

"How do you know?"

"We went to the same kindergarten. Not the same school, but Kefia told me what he was up to for a few years after that, you know." Bakura breathes out a puff. "' _He is doing this and that, why can't you be more like him_ ' kind of shit," he grumbles.

"I still wonder how he died," I murmur.

"Yes, me too."

* * *

We go back after Bakura has finished his cigarette. He makes me come closer and take a sniff at him to check if he's smelling of smoke. I tell him he does and that I probably do too. He shrugs cause we can't change it anyways, and go back to find Gladys and Akefia.

"They are starting with the transport of the body," Akefia says.

"To the cemetery?" I ask.

He nods.

"Oh. We're following them, right?" Bakura asks.

Gladys throws her cigarette stump to the floor. "Eh, we think we've seen enough."

Bakura looks away. "Mh."

I breathe in. "Eh, yeah right, who cares, right?" I chuckle. I roll my eyes and cross my arms before my chest. "He's dead anyways."

Gladys snorts loudly. "Actually, Bakura might be right. We should follow them. To teach you kids the importance of family. To the car."

Akefia grunts but turns to the direction to the parked car. Gladys goes ahead and we follow. Bakura touches my arm and grins at me. I grin back. You're welcome.

Inside the car, Bakura asks how Gahiji died. Akefia turns around to him, leaning his arm on the back rest. "He was speeding with his car. Lost control and crashed into a tree."

Bakura nods.

So he even had a car? Geez. Him speeding and crashing into trees doesn't fit with the rest of what I learned about him today. But he was still a teenager and we teenagers do dumb stuff.

* * *

Gladys brings us to the cemetery. I don't see the coffin yet, they are either behind us or we're too late. The cemetery is big. No crosses to be seen, only simple headstones. We wander around a bit lost on the cemetery, until we hear low humming coming from one direction. Around ten to twelve men carry a stretcher with Gahiji openly laying on it; no coffin. A long row of people follow them.

We get behind them as well. Gladys takes out her pack of cigarettes. Akefia shakes his head at her and she puts it back into her bag. Goddammit, woman.

We don't get too close but watch from a distance as the bare body of Gahiji is lowered into the ground, sideways. Weird, but I guess his body must face some specific directions, like Mecca or something like that. I realize how little I know about my Dad's religion. I miss him. I miss all three of them.

The men fist shovel dirt on top of him, then pat it down into shape. My eyes search for the mother, but I cannot spot her. I can still hear her cries in my head.

The men begin to mumble loudly. More prayers, I presume.

Akefia gives us a sign and we move away a bit. "Let's go," he mumbles.

"Uh, really?" Bakura replies. "Can't we, um..."

"You can stay and watch, but I'm gonna sit down in the car, if nobody minds," Gladys says loudly, not waiting for a reply and walking away, her hand already fumbling around for her cigarettes.

Akefia breathes out loud. "Gonna do the same." He looks at me, then Bakura. "Don't stay for too long."

We nod. "Yes." - "Yeah."

Akefia follows Gladys. Bakura and I look at each other. "So?" I smile at him. "You're at your cemetery. Where d'you wanna go?"

He shrugs. "Away from here. Come. Let's stroll around."

I follow his lead, taking a last look at the burial. There! There's the mother. She kneels down, putting one hand on her sons grave. I cannot see her face, can only imagine what she must feel. I turn my head away.

* * *

I pace up to walk next to Bakura. "Isn't it sad," I say, sounding way too miserable than I thought I would. I clear my throat.

"Heh," Bakura chuckles. "Don't tell me you're tearing up? You don't even know that guy!"

I glance at him. "Yeah, but- It's so sad. His mother. I can't look at her, it breaks my heart."

"Hm."

We walk on the small path between the grave tombs. The grass is so green. Cold wind strokes my cheeks. Birds are chirping in the trees.

"Would you be sad if I would die?" I ask Bakura.

He snorts chuckling. "Maybe."

I grin at him, but he doesn't look at me.

He doesn't seem in the mood for talking, so I shut up and enjoy our walk. It is silent here, just as Bakura said. Peaceful. A squirrel hops into our way, before startledly hurrying away one second later.  
The graves are in some distance to one another, and between the groups of graves there are more paths and and forks, more bushes and trees. You can easily get lost here. Bakura keeps on walking straight ahead, which is easily enough to remember.

* * *

"It's weird," he suddenly says.

"Hm? What?"

"We're all gonna end up here. Well, not specifically here, but in some grave. Some day."

"Yeah," I say softly.

"Yet we won't know. We won't be aware of laying here, in the ground. I mean," he gulps, "funerals aren't there for the deceased, but for the mourning, giving them something to do. Giving them stuff to prepare and the opportunity to have a place where they can visit the dead ones and grieve."

I nod.

He doesn't continue, so I look at him. "And?" I ask.

"Nothing. It's just weird."

I am not sure what he means by that, but nod.

We reach a fork; the paths lead to right and left, so we can't continue walking straight ahead. "Let's go around here, then turn there to get back, okay?" Bakura motions with his hand to the left side.

"Alright," I reply.

More green, more graves, more trees. One grave has a lot of flowers laying on it; it looks fresh, like the one Gahiji went into. I am too far away to read anything written on the grave stone though.

"Do you believe that there's something more after death?" I ask.

Bakura glances at me. "I don't really do. It would be nice though."

I nod. I agree.

"Another life, a new chance," Bakura adds. "Yeah, I would like that."

I glance at him. Aw, don't make me tear up again. I know your father is terrible, but you can still finish school and get out of there.

We turn left again, going back to the direction we came from.

Suddenly, I realize something. "Oh, so Gahiji's mother is your cousin right? Or his father?"

Bakura nods. "His mother, yes. My grand uncle's daughter."

"She had darker skin and hair."

"Yeah, not everybody gets the symptoms of our genetic condition. Seems like that branch of my family doesn't got them at all." Bakura shrugs.

"Hm." I grab his arm. "Not everybody gets to be as special as you are."

He snorts but laughs. "Special, tss. Can't win a prize with white hair though."

"Aw, but you're pretty. Isn't that enough?"

He turns his face to me, grinning. "What a surprise that the guy crushing on me thinks that I'm pretty."

I feel heat rising up my cheeks, but smirk back. "What, that's part of the reason I like you."

He rolls his eyes. "Dumb Marik. If you'd really love me, you would find me pretty _because_ you're in love with me, not the other way round." Huh, wait what? "Which further proves that you like me because of superficial reasons." He starts walking faster and I let go of him.

"Eh, but..." I stand still for a second, then hurry up to catch up to him again. "But, Bakura-"

"Anyways, you're 'special' yourself," he adds. "Which Egyptian has naturally blond hair, hm?" He looks at me, frowning.

What's with you? I got the impression that you're mad at me for not loving you for real. Which isn't true! I do love you, why won't you believe me!?  
I pout. "I am naturally blond! It's very rare, but it does exist!"

He shrugs. "Obviously." He takes another cigarette out and lights it up.

* * *

We spot Gladys and Akefia standing near the car, but stay out of sight so they don't see Bakura smoking. He coughs a few times and I pat his back. I glare at him for smoking and he rolls his eyes. See? I do want you to stop smoking and get healthier, doesn't that show that I'm in for more than just your looks?

Finally, we make our way to the car.  
Akefia frowns at Bakura, surely noticing the smoke smell on him. Yeah, now that I think about it, I have never seen Akefia smoke, or have I? He drinks alcohol and too much of it, but he doesn't smoke.

Nobody says much as we get into the car. Most of the other cars are still on the lot. We're one of the first to drive away. Bakura and the others are pretty closely related to Gahiji, yet they aren't strongly attached to him. His school colleagues and the like had a stronger bond to him.

I check my watch. A quarter to noon. The sun's shining strongly through the leaves, throwing a pattern of shadows on Bakura and me. I lean back, but as the car starts to move the patterns do too and the sun blinds me again. I close my eyes. Damn, I'm hungry.

I clear my throat. "Can we stop somewhere soon? I'm hungry."

"I'm hungry myself," Gladys answers. "So yes."

Gee, I'm lucky you're hungry then! "Thanks," I reply between my teeth.

Bakura glances at me, smirking.

We park half an hour later at some truck stop. I shake Bakura's arm to wake him up. He looks even paler than before as he steps out of the car. I don't feel good myself. No sleep and no food isn't good for your health.

"I need coffee," he mumbles to me.

We sit down in a booth, waiting for the waitress to come.  
Akefia and Bakura order a coffee each, Gladys and me black tea. Gladys can't decide what she wants, so I speak up and ask for a burger and fries, but she interrupts me and says she takes the hotdogs with hot sauce. I frown at her and the waitress looks confused for a moment but nods at Gladys and writes it down. I repeat my order. Bakura chooses small fries. Akefia just takes the coffee.

"Uhh, I'm starving," I moan.

"Yeah." Bakura sighs.

Our beverages come. Bakura puts lots of sugar into his coffee; no milk. Akefia uses a bit sugar, a bit milk. Gladys puts milk into her tea as well, ew. I leave my tea just as it is.

Akefia is leaning on his arms and stares at the table. "Such a shame for a boy to die so young," he mumbles.

Gladys crinkles her nose, while she stirs her tea. "What was he thinking, driving over hundred miles per hour."

I hold my breath, otherwise I would let out the grunt building up in my throat. "You shouldn't talk bad about the dead," I say.

Akefia and Gladys gaze at me and Bakura kicks me under the table. "I say whatever the hell I want," Gladys replies, then continues stirring.

Akefia takes a sip. "Such a shame."

Our food comes and we stop talking. Oh my, my burger is so greasy, but whatever, I'm starving! I bite into it and the ketchup drops out of all sides. Gladys munches her hotdogs with an open mouth. Bakura eats his fries one at a time, chewing absentmindedly. Akefia sips his coffee.

* * *

Afterwards I'm getting sleepy really fast. I lean back, my fingers still dirty with grease. Gladys has to go to the bathroom. Uh, I need to go too, but I'm so goddamn tired. I could just fall asleep, right here. Of course I still get up and go.

The waitress comes back and Akefia pays for all of us without asking. Nice. I don't have any money anymore either.

We go back to the car. Bakura looks as if he's about to faint any moment. "Are you full?" I ask him. He only ordered the small fries.

He nods.

The drive back is quiet. Seems like Gladys is tired as well, because she doesn't say much. Bakura closes his eyes and leans against the window. I do the same on my side and actually fall asleep.

* * *

"Shh, be quiet, Marik is still sleeping," Bakura whispers.

"He should be better waking up, we're almost there." Ugh, Gladys voice is so much louder.

Where am I... Still in the car? Uhh, I dun wanna wake up, just let me sleep... Whatever I am sleeping on, it's hard and it's constantly bumping against my cheek... but I'm so sleepy... my eyes won't open up...

More mumbling, but I can't make out the words...

What's this? Something tapping against my window... First slower, then faster... Mm...

"Yeah, great, just as we're about to get out," Akefia grumbles.

What...? Mmm, the tapping is so soothing... tap, tap, tap...

* * *

"Marik." Bakura's voice near me.

I open my eyes and wipe the saliva off my face. "Mm?" My vision is blurred. I sit up.

"Come, we're home." Bakura is leaning close to me.

I nod and scratch my cheek. Ouch, my arm hurts. I was leaning on the window to my side, squeezing my arm the whole time. How are we already there? What time is it?

I look out of the window. We're parked at the back entrance of the club. _Tap, tap, tap..._ It's raining hard. The windows are all smudged up. Gladys is sitting in the car, glancing at me.  
Bakura runs towards the club's exit and fiddles with his keys. Akefia walks up to him, pulling his jacket up by the collar to protect his head.  
"Marik!" Bakura says loudly, then Akefia pushes him inside.

I jump out of the car and yell "Bye, Gladys!". She doesn't respond. Running over the backyard only takes four seconds but it's enough to make my hair soaking wet. Akefia is holding the exit door open for me. Oh, wow. Bakura stands near the stairs.

We rush upstairs, while Akefia takes his time.

"Uhh, I'm still so tired," I say, rubbing my hair. The coat protected me from the rain; my pants are a bit wet though.

"Really? You overslept the whole car ride back home," Bakura replies. His hair didn't fall flat like mine from the rain, but as he shakes it, small droplets fall out.

"What time is it?" I mumble and check my watch. Ten past four. "Mh."

"Don't worry, you still got time."

"Yeah, but I wanna sleep! I don't know if I can stay awake for so long!"

"Make yourself a coffee then."

Mh. "I don't like coffee."

"I know."

* * *

I sit on Bakura's bed, rubbing my head with a towel. My headache is back, plus I feel dizzy. My internal clock is all messed up.

Bakura comes back, handing me a cup of coffee. "Here, your milk with a hint of coffee," he remarks. I asked him to fill the cup half with coffee and half with milk.

"Thanks." I take a sip and make a face. "There's no sugar, Bakura!"

Bakura sits down, only to stand up again. "Mhh. Fine, give it to me." He gives me his cup of black coffee in exchange and walks back to the kitchen with mine.

Hehe, how cute of him to bring me coffee though. Guess he feels bad for dragging me along to the funeral? It did mess up with my head, I hope I can make it until after work and not fall asleep in between.  
I take a sip of his coffee. Bleh. I want to spit the gulp right back in. It tastes horrible. Just bitter, nothing else.

Bakura comes back with my cup and sits down next to me. "Here."

"Thanks." I try it. This time it's good.

He doesn't look at me. "Um, wanna play PlayStation?"

I nod. "Alright."

We sit down on my mattress and he starts the console. He's weird, trying to avoid my gaze. What's up? What are you thinking about? We play the race game against each other and of course he wins every time. I manage to be on second place once though. I forget about my coffee for a while and when I take a sip, it's gone cold.

He said on the cemetery that he doesn't believe in the afterlife but would like for it to exist. "Does that mean you don't believe in god either?" I ask him.

He glances at me, surprised about the sudden topic. "Uh, not really."

"What does that mean 'not _really_ '?"

He shrugs. "I wished I would believe in him."

"Huh?" I stare at him but he doesn't look back.

"If I believed in him, I would never lose hope. I would truly believe that life is worth living. That there is some kind of 'great plan' and that I have to go through this suffering in order to get rewarded." He looks quickly at me, then away again. "Sounds to much more happier to me than not believing in him if you ask me."

I nod. "Yeah."

"But I can't force myself to believe."

I nod again.

"And you?" Now he put his gaze on me.

"I don't believe in him either," I say. "Um, only when I had some real worries, then I prayed to him, kind of... _made_ myself believe in him in that moment."

Bakura chuckles. "Ah, right. In times of great misery people often remember god again. But once they are satisfied with life he's suddenly forgotten."

I nod more.

"And what 'real worries' did you have?" He raises an eyebrow at me, grinning. "Not getting an A but a B+?"

I pout. "No!" I am still holding onto the controller and let it fall on my lap now, starring at it. "One time, there was a mother-son father-daughter day at our school. You'd basically come with your mom if you're a boy or your father if you're a girl. Not everybody's parents had time on that day of course, but a third of them showed up with their parents and others could ask them about their occupation and whatnot." I feel uncomfortable to look at Bakura, so I let my eyes wander around the room. "I couldn't ask my mom of course, since she's dead. Ishizu couldn't bring Dad along, cause he wouldn't come, despite having no work. She fought with him and I started fighting too..." I shrug. "It was just a stupid mess. We were all crying and hid in our rooms." I cross my arms before my chest.

"Hm." Bakura looks down at the floor. "Alright, that's a legit reason to pray, I guess." He looks up at me and I look back. "But what did you pray for?"

I look away again. "For my mom to live again," I mumble. I feel embarrassed. Does Bakura think it's stupid to pray for something like that?  
It's not like god would make a person magically alive again, even if he existed. You can pray for somebody you care about to get well soon or for somebody to forgive you for something. But that prayer of mine was just childish.

"Oh," Bakura replies softly. I can see him looking at me. Then he leans over and pats my leg, leaving his hand linger on my leg for a second.

I look at him and uncross my arms. "Stupid, right?"

He shrugs with one shoulder and smirks. "Eh, why? I'd wish my mom would be with me as well."

I bite my lip, unsure what to reply to that. "Do you know why she left you?"

He shrugs again, this time it looks as if he's trying to get rid of something on his shoulders. "I can't really remember, I was just four years old. It was because of him." Akefia. "I remember her packing her bag, crying. He grabbed her and slapped her, she cried even more. Guess that was the reason she went away. He was hitting her."

I breathe out through my nose, frowning. Just when I thought I saw some good qualities on Akefia, I learn more about his bad side again. Just because Gladys seems to be even worse than him in terms of prejudice and hatred, it doesn't make him a good guy.  
No wonder Bakura doesn't believe in god.

"I understand that she wanted to get away from him," I say.

Bakura snorts and glares at me. "Yes, but then she could have simply divorced him, not leaving me with him."

I blink. "Yeah, no, you're right." I didn't mean to make him angry. "Did... Was he hitting you back then already?"

Bakura shakes his head. "Uh-uh. But he left me alone for long periods. Just leaving the house." He glares down at the floor. "A four year old. I was so confused at that time. Had no sense of time. He sometimes forgot to put me to bed so I slept on the floor."

Horrible. If child services had known of that, they would have taken him away. "That sounds terrible," I mumble.

He shrugs and suddenly grins at me. "Yeah, but it was a fun time too. I sneaked out through the window to play with the neighborhood kids all day long. I was super skinny, cause I was out all day and barely eating anything."

I purse my lips. "You're still super skinny."

He shrugs. "Guess you still have it worse when it comes to mommy issues," he says slowly. "Mine is at least alive. Somewhere."

"Yeah, can't you look for her?" I ask. "Does Akefia know where she is?"

Bakura's expression dulls. "I have no idea. I doubt he knows how to find her either. He tried to find her some time ago but failed."

"How do you know that?"

"Heard him make phone calls. He called all her girlfriends. I remembered her names. He was only sighing in frustration while making those calls and gave up after a few days."

I nod. My poor Bakura. I can totally understand ho it is to grow up without a mom. All your classmates lamenting about the too healthy lunches their moms made for them, moaning about mom's day when they wanted to have a LAN party instead, getting calls from their mom while on excursions, and so on and on. It may not seem much, but it piles up and hurts.  
Especially when you have a shitty dad and wonder how your life would have turned out if mom had been there.  
I wished I hadn't lost my only picture of her.

I must have made a face fitting to my thoughts, because Bakura starts chuckling. "Stop looking at me like that. I hate pity, okay?" He stands up stretches his legs. "Uggh. I'm gonna go take a shower. Your time's almost up anyways, eh?"

I look at my watch; he's right: It's a quarter to six.

* * *

I play a round of car racing alone, to get my head onto something else. I don't like thinking about my mom at all. Every time I do, I get this feeling in my chest... It's not pain, not exactly, but like a pressure. A heavy weight on my heart that is deeply uncomfortable. She died because she gave birth to me and I can never think past this point. I never talked with anyone about this and-

And why am I thinking about it now? No, stop. Look ahead Marik, you almost crashed into that other car.

Bakura was surprisingly open about the topic though. It was uncomfortable to him as well, but he answered all my questions. It might be because we just came home from a funeral. Or maybe he's actually opening up. Heh, right, I was allowed to touch his hair, while Zorc wasn't. I'm still proud of that.

* * *

I play another round and still don't win the challenge. What time is it? Uh-oh, already five before six. I need to get dressed. I should have showered too, but eh, whatever. I can do that tomorrow. Bakura is still in the shower anyways. Why is he taking so long?

I change into my working clothes and wait the last few minutes for Bakura to come back, but he doesn't. I still hear the water running when I leave the apartment.

The coffee helped, I feel more awake now though. Guess I can make it through the night.

I clean up the girl's room, the toilets, the kitchen, help Mai, help Mahad, clean some more toilets...  
And it's time for my break. Huh, time passed by quickly. Mai noticed my mood but didn't say anything.

I walk upstairs. Bakura should be done with showering now, lol. Why am I still sad? Why can't I forget Gahiji's mom, her whimpering.

Bakura is in his bed when I sneak in. All lights are off. Is he sleeping? I tiptoe to him and sit down on my mattress, listen to his breathing. Yeah, he's asleep.

Mm, I want to hug him. Want to climb under the cover and squeeze him hard. I understand you. I miss my mom just as terribly as you miss yours.

I put my head on the bed, brushing his back with it and close my eyes. You're not alone, you know?

* * *

When I go back to the bar, Mai finally asks me what wrong with me this time.

I know how long that question must have lingered on her mind and smile at her. "I just came back from the funeral, that's all. It was pretty sad." I chop up some lemons.

Mai widens her eyes. " _The_ funeral? You mean the same Kefia went to?" She walks a few steps away to grab a beer from the fridge for a customer, so I wait with my answer.

Nanako is nearby, having just finished a lap dance for some ugly guy at the nearest table. Her seductive smile drops as soon as she turns her back at him, after he gave her a generous tip. "Phew, what's up tonight?" she sighs, leaning over the counter, counting the bills.

The guy who receives the beer from Mai looks Nanako up and down and she puts on her Tokyo personality again. "Hello, cutie ~"

Dotty walks by and the guy looks at her butt, but Tokyo grabs his chin and makes him look at her. "Hey, hey, here I am."

Mai moves to me. "So you really were at the funeral? How come?"

I nod. I can't help but grin at my next sentence: "Bakura asked me to come along."

Dotty puts a few bottles of beer on her tray and looks up at me. "Huh, you were at the funeral?"

Nanako looks over as well, forgetting the guy for a moment.

"Uh, yeah."

The guy steps away from Nanako, mumbling a "sorry" and going further into the room, his eyes pinned on the main stage, where Christine is dancing. Nanako pouts and looks back to us.

"Bakura asked you to come, uhu," Dotty mumbles, pressing her lips together but I still see her grin. She rushes off with her tray.

Nanako reaches over and picks a few cherries up, popping one into her mouth. "You should be careful with Bakura."

"I don't think that's any of your business," Mai chimes in, pulling the bowl with cherries out of Nanako's reach.

"Just sayin'!" She turns around, now leaning with her elbows on the counter, watching the room.

I frown. "Why is it that weird that Bakura asked me to come?" I ask Mai under by breath. They keep telling me how it's a bad idea to befriend Bakura but never give me a reason. He's not such a bad guy at all. You don't know him.

She smirks. "He's bad with friends. Or used to be. I don't see him coming down any longer so I can't tell how he is now. But he took a very long time to get friends with Zorc as far as we can tell."

"Huh?" I blink. I want more details. Mai knowing Zorc is weird enough. "Wh-"

"Better ask himself," Mai interrupts me chuckling.

* * *

I forget about the issue until the end of my workday. Gawd, I am really tired now. Just wanna sleep.

I need to check the girl's dressing room and bathroom for a last time tonight though. The girls are dressing up, ready to leave. Some eyes linger on me a bit too long, especially Nanako can't stop watching me. Ugh, is it really so interesting to look at me?! Just because Bakura and I are both gay and you think we have something going on? Well, I _wished_ that was the case!

I walk upstairs, sighing. I guess it is kind of special for Bakura to have asked me to come to the funeral. How long did he take to befriend Zorc? Why was it so hard though? Maybe Zorc was being reluctant about being friends with him and not the other way around.

Bakura is still sleeping. The lights are off.

I close the door behind me quietly, yet he stirs up and makes a low sound. I sneak to my mattress and undress in the dark. Where are my sleeping clothes? Ah, here. Mhh, I surely smell. But it's so late, I need to sleep.

"Marik?"

"Y-Yeah?" I pull my sleeping shirt over my head. "You're awake?"

"You woke me up." His voice is low.

"Sorry."

"Mh." He's rustling, turning around or away or something. "Mhhyou came back fumwork?"

"Yes." I smile. He sounds so cute when he's sleepy. His voice's tone being all over the place.

"Hmmmoodnight."

"Good night." I get under my covers. Hurr, it's cold.

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you for your reviews, guys! ^o^ Ahhh, I'm happy you like how I write Marik! Sorry for the long wait! I researched Muslim funerals a bit; I hope I described it correctly.**


	32. Day 92: Six days away

**Day 92**

* * *

3/23/2016 - Wednesday

* * *

It's money day, hehe.

Last week I got $12 from Gus. I have not spend one cent of it. I'm gonna save a bit and then I'll go and buy myself something nice. Maybe some jewelry or a shirt. It's getting warmer and all Bakura has for warm weather are boring plain white or black shirts. They do look good on _him_ , but _I_ prefer a bit more color on my clothes.

Two more days and it's Spring Break! That should mean that I get to see Bakura more often!  
I haven't talked to him much since we came back from the funeral. He's at his phone 24/7 and keeps smiling at it. He's out at night and sleeps during the day, missing school. Sigh. Can't you see that 'K' is bad for you, Bakura? Also, school is important.

Vanessa, the girl I got friends with on Tumblr told me she has cards for a basketball game on a Monday. I forgot who's playing against who and frankly I don't care. But it would be nice to meet her! And yet, I don't want to spend my Monday evening with her, if I can spend it with Bakura.  
But then again I can only meet her at evening times because she's at school all day, so I would only be able to see her on Mondays, so either way I have to give up a Monday with Bakura for her! Argh.  
I told her that I am not sure yet if I'm available on that day.

It's Ishizu's birthday soon. Usually we would meet and spend the day together. Mom's death day is a few days after it, so we always made sure to celebrate Ishizu's birthday before it. But I am not sure if we can manage to do that this year. I don't want to meet Dad but I would gladly see my siblings. Uhh, I miss Rishid so much.

Before Ishizu's Bday (which is the 4th April) there's April Fool's Day. I should prepare some prank I can play on Bakura. But which one? What is cheap yet fun?

* * *

Speaking of the cute white haired boy, I hear Zorc's car pulling up. Yup, Bakura was at school, it seems. He's hurrying over the backyard, then climbing up the fire escape. I close my diary and open my window.

"Hey!" I yell, as he's one floor lower, before his window.

He looks up. "Hungry?" he grins, holding up a paper bag. He bought food?

"A bit," I reply.

"Stay there, I'm coming to you!" He goes up. I leave the window open and rush to my desk. I hide my diary in the drawer. "Come to think of it, we're never up here," he mumbles, climbing through the window.

I turn around to him. He hasn't seen me hiding the notebook, has he? "Ehm, yeah, you're right, we aren't," I murmur.

"I still owe you a dinner, so maybe that's okay as well?" He throws the paper bag on my bed and gets out of his coat.

I pout. "No, actually not. You owe me a dinner _outside_. At a restaurant."

He moans. "Alright. Then-"

I move a step closer to him. "Aaand actually you missed buying me food a few times now, so you owe me _three_ dinners! Outside."

He rolls his eyes and sits down on my bed. "Shut up. I don't owe you anything." He kicks his shoes off and lies down on his back, his hands under his head. "You owe me for all the times I brought food home."

Mm, Bakura is on my bed. It's kinda more intimate to have him up here then us being down in his room, because so far it was just mine. Was that what made him repulse me in the beginning? I was being too close to him in his room, his private space. "Aw, but it's your responsibility now, you know?" I go to him and sit down. "You started buying me food, you can't stop now."

"Ah, _that_ argument," he says slowly and sits up. "If you want to have a slave, save someone's life." Suddenly, he's close, because he sat up.

I bite my lip. "Is that a quote?" I ask.

He nods. "From a book I read," he mumbles, shortly glancing down at me. Hm? He closes his eyes and stands up. "Um," he begins, stretching the sound, "maybe we should go down after all." He picks up the paper bag. "It's chicken, so we should get plates."

I blink. "Alright." What was that again? Why was he looking down at me? I subtly glance down at myself as well. Okay, I wear a tight shirt without sleeves. Hm, I suppose you can- ah, my shirt is sticking out a bit and you can see part of my stomach and my abs... Heh.

Bakura opened the window; standing on the fire escape already and looks back. "You're coming?"

"Yup." I can't suppress my grin. I casually walk to him, yawning, stretching one arm up and scratching my midriff with the other hand, pushing my shirt further up. I can tell he's staring at me. "Oh wait, I forgot my shoes! ~" I sing-song and turn my back to him, then bend down to put them on. You're looking at my ass, yes? Yeah keep looking cause you won't get any of this, unless you'll start getting serious with me.

Come to think of it, is Bakura the top or the bottom? He said stuff like 'getting fucked' but also 'fuck somebody', so I can't tell. And which one am I? In all my fap fantasies we only make out and touch the others' dicks, but then I am already close to cumming and stop exploring the scenario.

Bakura sighs loudly and smacks his lips in annoyance. "You coming?" he asks loudly.

"Yup." I grab my tablet and follow him.

* * *

Bakura is staring at his plate, pushing the chicken bits around with his chopsticks, while I stretch myself some more. "Mmmmh! I'm sooo tense! Don't you want to give me a massage, Bakura? Mmmm!"

He takes a breath, glances at me and heaves it out. "No. Eat already. It's getting cold."

"Kay, Mom."

"Mh."

I stab a piece of chicken with my fork and put it in my mouth. "My sis is having birthday soon."

"Congratulations."

"Hmpf. I got the 12 dollar from last time. I hope I get some today as well, then I can buy her something!"

"Tss. Better buy food. As I said, you owe me!"

"Ahh, nooo! I need to give her a gift. I didn't give her anything on Xmas."

"Mm."

"How was school?"

"Shitty, what do you think. We have to read the half of a stupid book over the holidays. Pff. It's like 200 pages, so 100 pages in like 7 days."

"Hm." I look up. Spring Break. Other people go on a vacation, visit beaches and other places. "Do you plan something on Spring Break?" I ask.

He looks up. "Mh, I actually do."

Really? I smile. Oi, maybe I can tag along! Zorc is creepy, but Duke was nice and Joey was oka-

"With _him_."

My smile drops. "Oh." I look back down. _Him._ I put a piece of chicken into my mouth and chew. They'll be together for the whole week? Dancing around half naked on some beach and afterwards fuck each other's brains out in some hotel room? Laughing? Having a good time? I stand up. "The chicken is kinda dry, isn't it," I mumble.  
Bakura follows me with his eyes as I go to the fridge and open it. He can't see my face now, I am turned away. "It is good, just a bit dry!" I say and grab the ketchup, letting myself sob inwardly for a second, letting my face express those emotions. Fucking stupid 'K'!

Then I close the fridge and walk back emotionless to my seat. I beat the bottom of the ketchup bottle as hard as I can; way too much of the red sauce drops on the pale meat.

"We're going Saturday evening and come back... uh, Friday, on the first." He looks down at his plate.

From Saturday til Friday? "Six days," I murmur.

"Yup."

* * *

We don't talk much after that. I try to not let myself being influenced by this recent turn of events, but I guess I'm pouting. I can feel my lower lip just slipping under my top lip. Can't help it. Don't even care. He knows how I feel about him either way.

So I'm gonna be alone all week while he fucks his lover. Didn't think 'K' would take him to such a thing. So far he sounded like he doesn't want to bond with Bakura and just used him for sex. Guess I was wrong.  
I'm always wrong. I'm stupid and too hopeful.

I can go with Vanessa to that game then. Hooray.

* * *

We go into Bakura's room. He unpacks his school stuff on his bed, then moves to his desk. I get on his bed and grab the book I suspect is the one he has to read over the holidays. "'Tess of the d'Urbervilles'." That already sounds pretty dull. How do you even pronounce that. On the cover is a woman with flowers in her hair. "You repeat the year. Don't you already know it?"

"Nope. Last year we read... Uh... Can't remember anymore, but not this one." He turns on his laptop.

I try to read the first page, but it's too boring. I'd rather read some yaoi manga.

Again, we don't talk. He's busy browsing reddit and I am on my tablet. I am not in the mood to talk to him. I can't stop thinking about his upcoming holiday. As long as he doesn't mention his stupid lover, I can pretend that it's all good; that we're super close and that I am special to him. That some day, somehow he'll realize how perfect I am for him and he'll fall in love with me.

Akefia's bedroom door opens up and we hear the man stepping out of the apartment.

Bakura stands up while still typing something.

"I got it," I tell him and get off the bed. "Um, I'm gonna go out for a bit either way," I add.

He glances at me. "Alright."

I leave the door to his room open and go upstairs. I open up Tumblr and send Vanessa a message, telling her I can go with her on Monday to the game. Ishizu isn't online anymore. I put on my shoes and jacket, then I exit through the window. At this point, using the window instead of the door doesn't feel any adventurous anymore, like back then when I met Jaden.

* * *

I stroll around near the train station. It's getting warmer, I almost feel too warm in my thick jacket. I go inside the train station; the smell of coffee instantly fills my nostrils. Ahh, it smells so good! No wonder, the Starbucks is just next to the entrance. But I have to save my money! I can't buy fancy coffees for 10 dollar anymore, doesn't matter how yummy they are!

How come I never noticed before how expensive that actually is?! Ten dollar... You can buy so much food with ten dollar!

So many people still hurrying from one place to the other, trying to catch trains, or wandering around lost, unsure in which direction to go. Mmh, I could go inside this train- yeah, it actually would bring me to my suburb. I could stay a bit, celebrate Ishizu's birthday with Dad and Rishid and sleep upstairs in my bed, my old room. I felt so safe there.

Some person watches me, I can tell from the corner of my eye. A guy, skinny and with lots of piercings in his ears, approaches me. "Excuse me," he says.

I turn to him. Suddenly I am taken out of my thoughts world and am back in the train station. I move a few steps away from him. "Yeah?" Who knows, maybe he genuinely just wants to know where something is.

"Uh, I came here three days ago and I lost my wallet, I need to go back home," he starts, carefully observing me. "I know who wants to give somebody else their hard spend money, and you don't have to give me anything, really. All I ask for is what you can give me, anything, ten cents would be awesome too, I know it's hard-"

"Okay, okay," I say, cutting him off. He's already getting on my nerves. You can clearly tell he's lying. He's most likely homeless. I fish my money out of my pocket and give him one- okay, two dollar. Ugh.  
Half of me feels bad for giving him anything at all, but the other half wonders about the man. He's young, just a few years older than me, and he already has to ask strangers for money? I wished I could give him all, I feel bad for being selfish, to dare to keep it to myself. But maybe he's a scam, so giving him just ab bit satisfies both voices in my head.

He thanks me, nodding his head repeatedly. "Thank you. Thank you so much." While I nod and smile in return and move backwards, out of the situation. I feel like I'm being watched, like people judge me for giving him money.

* * *

Man, that was so weird. I feel like I've been too nice, too dumb, but then again, I just want to help. Bakura would probably told him to piss off.

I go out of the train station. Hahh, fresh air.

It's not much time left, I gotta go to work soon. Slowly, I make my way back to The White Snake. I could walk around some more, but I know the streets around here now too good, so it would be boring.

I open the back entrance with my key. It's pitch dark and smells, as usual. No one is there yet, as it's half an hour before six. I could prepare the food, 'do the meez' as we call it here, but nah.  
Instead I walk around the empty main room. I know the room by heart now, yet but I still bump into a booth, miscalculating its location by ten inches. I go up the main stage and grab one pole. Kinda ew. The girls rub their lady parts against it. I clean the poles before we open the club, but it's still kind of disgusting. Now, if it were a guy swinging his body around these...

I feel so alone.

It's Wednesday, so I have tonight, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow and a bit of Saturday, before Bakura goes away for six days. I sure hope the heater won't fall out on those six days. I don't want to sleep alone in his room.

* * *

Work sucks as usual. Anzu is the first girl to come and she keeps bugging me to buy her cigarettes for ten minutes straight. I tell her that I won't go for just her cigarettes, but will wait until a few more of the smoking girls come in.

Luckily, Harley is there tonight. She's one of the nice ones. I'm glad she waves me over, out of the dressing room.

"Yeah, what is it?" I ask smiling.

"Oh nothing, just wanted to help you get out of there," she grins.

I chuckle. "Well, thank you!"

Aww, what did I say? She's awesome.  
And she manages to stay calm while Anzu keeps asking her personal stuff in a condescending tone. I know because I am checking the girl's toilets and clean them up. Anzu asks her how old she is, why she's here and so on, but never really answers the same questions herself. She just says she's older and that she's here because "Oh well. You know!"

Mahad comes in and I follow him into the kitchen. I can't stand that type of conversation. Soon, the club opens and the first guests arrive.

You remember why I had that day off we went to annoy Zorc at the book night... night? Maintenance, right. They installed a DJ panel thingy next to the bar. It's in a secluded corner so you wouldn't really notice it or the guy standing behind it. In fact I didn't notice the thing at all before now.

Akefia is standing with a young guy next to it, talking with him.

Damn it, the guy is hot. He's blonde, white and has his ears pierced and enlarged with tunnels. He's wearing a too big hoodie and a cap. His jeans are way too long and cover his shoes almost fully.  
Unfortunately, I cannot stand around and watch him for too long, cause that would be more than weird.

I see him again though as I pass by Gus'es table. The DJ nods to the beat of the music, which isn't merely pop songs any more, but live mixed versions of them. Plus, he calls out the names of every girl that changes the main stage in a deep voice. Before, Mai would occasionally do that, but since she was obviously occupied with the bar, she almost never found the right timing to do that.

I find the deep voice a bit ridiculous, just as the names of the girls, but it's fun to hear the guests react when their favorite girl is announced.

* * *

Break time. I go upstairs.

Bakura is lying on his bed, typing on his phone, one arm under his head. "Hey," he says.

"Mm." I sit down next to him and stare at him. Won't he visit 'K' tonight? Or maybe they rather want to spend some time separate since they'll be seeing each other for six days straight.

"What is it?" he chuckles, his eyes focused on his mobile.

I shrug and look away. "Nothing." If I were your lover, I wouldn't be able to spend a single day without you. Pff, even now I can't be apart from you for too long.

"Is Gus there?"

"Mhm, yes."

"He gave you something yet?"

"No. You _know_ he gives me the tip at the end of the evening," I huff and stand up. I hate this. Being close to you and yet so far away. You should just go already, I can't stand this. You're trying to talk to me, but I just can't.

Bakura looks up at me and makes a face. "Aalriiight!" he says slowly. He sighs and looks back down.

I could just keep looking at him, but I force my eyes away. I sit at his desk and grab the next best thing under my fingertips: A package of unopened cigarettes. I scratch my nails over the plastic wrap just to give my hands something to do.  
Stupid 'K'. You don't even smile when somebody takes a picture of you. Why are you so serious? Isn't it boring? Does Bakura admire that on you? Oh you're so adultish and old, so very cool! Grrrh.

Why am I even up here. I am too frustrated to talk to Bakura. Where's my tablet? Maybe Vanessa answered.

And what am I gonna do those six days all alone? Mh, I am so depended on you.

"Do you know what you gonna gift Ishizu already?" Bakura asks.

I am turned with my back to him and shrug. Don't know if he looks at me. If he doesn't, he did not see the shrug.

"Marik?"

"Uh," I huff and turn on the chair to face him. "No..." I don't want to talk to you. You're looking at me with that irritated look in your mysterious dark eyes and I can't stop thinking of that dork who's kissing your temples and make you moan. Uh, it hurts so much to think of that! Why can't you like _me_?

"Mm." He looks back down on his mobile, not tipping. "I wouldn't know what to gift a girl."

I bite my lip. I'm probably making some stupid face again. I have to force myself to smile! "Y-Yeah," I chuckle, trying to make it sound natural. "But I don't see her as a girl, I-I mean she's my sis. I see her as my sister."

"Really? You see your sister as your sister?" He gazes at me, an amusing grin around his lips. "That's groundbreaking, Marik."

I chuckle again, this time it's sincere. "Oh shut up, you know what I mean!"

"Next thing you tell me is that your brother is your brother."

I laugh more. "Bakura!"

"'B-kooh-raah'," he mocks me, smirking.

I cross my arms before my chest and pout. "That's not how I sound."

"That's _exactly_ how you sound! Have you ever recorded your voice and listened to it? Better don't, you will get nightmares."

I growl at him. "You don't like my voice?" Is it that? Is that the one thing you like? Has 'K' a great voice? Is that why I'm not your type?

"I'm just kidding," he murmurs and continues tipping on his phone.

So you like it? I clear my throat. Mmh, I guess I should record it sometime though. I've heard other people mocking me for it, but it seems to get worse. I let my hands fall in my lap. "Are you there later?"

He doesn't look up. "Mhm, yes."

I nod. I don't know if I'm happy about that.

* * *

I go back downstairs.

Gus wants a new cocktail, Mahad wants me to cut potatoes, Mai wants me to clean guest stall no. 3, Anzu wants her cigarettes. From all of those tasks, getting the girls cigarettes is still my favorite. Fresh air is ten times better than the stink in the club. And the newsstand guy is nice to me, we always small-talk and laugh together.

Gus leaves me 10$ at the end of the evening. Mhh, just so little? Means I got 20$ for Ishizu's gift. Mrr, I hoped for more. I want to buy myself something too. But Sis is more important.

Dotty purses her lips as I tell her about my tip. She didn't got anything tonight, she says.

"Have you looked under the table?" Voula asks chuckling.

"You just had a bad day," I tell Dotty.

"Yeah," she sighs.

* * *

My feet hurt as I walk upstairs.

Bakura's door is closed. I slip inside. "Mm, lock it," he mumbles.

It's pitch dark; Bakura is lying under the covers already. I lock the door and undress. I'd love to throw my smelly shirt onto his face and yell at him. I friggin love you! Love me back, dammit!  
But I just get into my bed and grunt "Good night."

"No casual conversation tonight?"

I knew he would ask. It seems that every time I hold back and leave him some space, he comes onto me. Maybe that's the right strategy? "Mmh," I answer.

"Hm," he sounds in return. "You're pissed that I'm going with 'K', aren't you?" he huffs chuckling.

"I'm not pissed," I reply. Sad.

"You clearly are," he sighs, huffing more. "But I'm not your boyfriend or anything, so stop it. You're ridiculous."

Guess I am. I pout. "I never said you were my boyfriend. I'm just a bit upset, okay? No big deal. Just leave me alone."

"You're the one who makes a big deal out of it."

"No, I'm not!" I turn around to him. "Just as you told me once, remember? When I didn't want to spend time with you and you got hurt-"

"I wasn't all that hurt," he inserts.

"Okay whatever, it's the same now with me. I'm a bit upset but that's not your problem, so leave me be." I turn away. "I'll get over it," I mumble.

"Alright," he sighs, sounding as if he wants to say more. But he doesn't.

Are you feeling bad for me? That's kind of cute, but really, don't. I can't stand pity as much as you can't. Better improve our friendship, if I can't be your lover. You can't force what isn't there. Though... you do often look at my body.  
So I am attractive to you, right? What is it then? Am I too young, too childish? Ahhh, again with those thoughts! Stop trying to figure him out Marik, it's impossible! It can't be that you don't want me because we're living together, can it?

Uh, I'm dumb. It's because of 'K' of course. You said you don't believe in relationships, but now you fell in love with a guy, so you cannot start liking me as well. Just as I find Duke and that DJ guy attractive, but wouldn't seriously consider dating them because I can't get my mind off of you.

Your love is all reserved for him. I cannot get in between that. And in a few days you'll go with him onto a vacation and spend super awesome quality time with him and he'll rank up even higher on your list of important people and I probably fall down even lower. I hate my life.

"Marik."

"Mhh." What is it? Just forget me, I'm not important to you, I know.

"After I come back, we could go to the cinema. ...if you like. My treat."

I breathe out through my nose. Are you trying to make amends? It's kind of weird because as you just told me, you're not my boyfriend. You have no obligation to feel bad or to make up for something.  
There's no way I wouldn't say yes to that though. "Mhm, okay," I reply, "sure."

"Great." It sounds like he means it.

I smile. So I am important to you, after all. You're such a weird guy; you say you don't care, I owe you food and yet you feel bad when _you_ go out with _your_ lover. You're so seriously weird. I am not sure how to interpret that.

"Does that count as going out for dinner?" Bakura asks.

"Hmm. If we go to eat something before the movie, sure."

"Normally people eat during the movie, dumbass."

"Yeah, but like just popcorn, right? If it's popcorn, it doesn't count."

He growls as a reply and I chuckle. "Alright," he sighs, "we can go out before then. But I'm not buying you popcorn!"

I grunt and turn on my back, facing him. "Aww, but you just said you'd treat me!"

"Ugh, you're such a cunt, I'm saying I'm treating you despite having done that already five thousand times and you still demand more!"

"Ha, it's too late now, you already promised it! Besides-"

"I never _promised_ it!"

"Besides!" I say. "Besides, you already promised me once to go to the cinema! You can't take it back a second time!"  
He frowns and looks up, trying to remember what I am talking about. "Have you forgot? We were in that bar, I asked you to go to the cinema with me and you said no, but later that evening as I cleaned your face after Akefia hit you, you said yes."

"Uh." His eyes are back. "Okay, but- Ha!" His eyes widen. "But if I recall correctly, you told me you would treat _me_ with the cinema," he grins. "So if anything, you have to pay for it!"

I shrug. "Alright. If we go to eat out somewhere else beforehand and _you_ pay."

He pouts. "Fine. We have a deal."

I flash a grin at him. "Awesome! Good night."

"Night," he mumbles.

I turn away again. Yey, cinema! Aw, Bakura is too cute. He likes me, he clearly likes me! ...right? Why else would he try to make amends? He's in for 'K' but he feels bad for it. Why else would he feel bad for it? Yeah, shut up doubt, he likes me, it's clear as day!

...but why doesn't he try to come closer to you then? ...why does he go on a vacation with 'K' then?

Ahhhh, shut up, shut up, shut up! Stupid doubt. I know it doesn't make perfect sense yet. Well, as he said we can't start anything because we live too close to each other. Aand as for 'K'...

Huh, what if he has feelings for the both of us? But I live with him, so he chose the other. Could that be? I have the feeling I am grasping at straws; I could be wrong about any of those points. It could be all very different from Bakura's perspective.

I breathe out. Don't think too much about it. Let him do his thing. He'll come back and we'll go to the cinema. It'll be awesome.

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you for the review, Guest! :)**


	33. Day 95: 'K'

**Day 95**

* * *

 _3/26/2016 - Saturday - Start of Spring Break_

* * *

Bakura goes away today.

'K' will come pick him up at seven. Hmpf. I am curious to see him in real live, but I don't want to see him give Bakura a kiss or anything.  
Maybe I should stay away and pretend that I don't care. But he knows I do and he knows I know he knows I do- uh, eh so to not come and say goodbye would be just childish. Yeah, it's actually a good opportunity to see how 'K' talks and acts. Which will give me a good clue on what Bakura's type is.

I'm in the city, looking for a present for Ishizu. Yeah, I have to safe money for the cinema, but I also need a present! I walked all the streets around the train station up and down, then moved to the rich boulevard, until I found one shop that might actually have something even I can afford: Primarkt. It's ironic that it's located next to all the fancy jewelry and expensive boutiques.

It's full; lots of girls walking around with those big shopping bags. Right, it's Spring Break. Uhh, why can't _I_ have holidays too?  
I go to the escalator and read the direction sign; I could go upstairs for lingerie and jewelry - okay, just jewelry, I'm not gonna buy my sister a bra, ew - or stay on the first floor for women's wear. Downstairs is the men's department. Dammit, I want to buy something for myself as well!

I snoop around on the first floor and touch any fabric that looks interesting. Hm, buying her some random sweater isn't good enough. Last year Rishid and me got her that super expensive leather bag from Lacoste. To me, that bag looked boring and not its 150 dollar worth. But we knew she wanted to have it for a long time, so we gifted it to her.

Now all I got is 20 dollar. Boo. What can I get her that shows that she's special to me?

I step onto the escalator. Maybe I'll find something upstairs. A trio of blonde tanned girls stand behind me giggling and talking. They all wear the same brown boots and have similar faces. "Aww, I so need me some cof after this!" one says.

"There's no Starbucks here, where do you want to go?"

"There's a Coffee Fellows round the corner."

"Aw Coffee Fellows sucks!"

"Yeah, but I'm not walking all the way to the train station for Starbucks!"

I blink. Hey, right. Ishizu drinks coffee too, even more now, as she told me. I could get her a thermos flask! She often cannot stop at Starbucks on her way to university because she is running late and the coffee at her uni's cafeteria is bad. Hell yeah, I'll get her a thermos! It's the perfect gift!

I step off the escalator and take the very one next to me, to go back down.

* * *

Where to look for a thermos? Back home I would have looked at Amazon and read a dozen reviews of each product before I would buy it.

I remember finding a big target store on the other side of the city once, like an hour away. Uh, I didn't intend to walk so much today, but it's actually good for your health, and where else would I look?

It's a bit chilly today. I still start to sweat because I am walking too fast. I hate walking in places I know already! When I first began to take walks it was fun because I could explore. Now I know the city by heart and I'm bored. On top of that I left downtown and go through an residential area, which is even more boring.  
People walk their dogs, kids go home from school. Heh, maybe I'll meet Bakura here somewhere? But nah, he wouldn't go through here, I'm too far east already.

Every house here just looks the same. It's not the suburb, but apartment houses, so people can't paint them how they would like. They're still better off that the grey building I live. I'd paint my house some friendly color. Purple, probably. Yeah, that's special. Who has a purple house? I don't know anybody. Purple it is!

Stupid Marik, get out of the shitty place you live currently first before thinking of what color you'd paint your own house.

Shut up, anxiety. In the time I have left at the White Snake, I'll seduce Bakura and find a house for us, finish school and go to college, then find the best job ever where I have lots of free time and can spend all day together with Bakura!  
Hah, yeah, we could work together and have a secret affair and nobody would know cause I would hire a super sexy secretary and everybody would think I am screwing her but actually, I am screwing him! He could be um, a smart IT guy who knows computers and stuff and I would call him because my 'printer' was 'broken' and then I'd lock the door and we would have sexy time with him on my desk...

After roughly fifty minutes I finally reached Target's parking lot. Families are strolling around, or pushing their shopping bags into the car. Uh, I wished I was here with a car. I have to go aaaall the way back by foot again!

Also, I feel so cheap! Buying a birthday gift at a Target! It's still better than buying nothing at all, right?

I ask one of the assistants where to find the thermos flasks. As expected there are lots of silly ones, with Helly Kitty and Spiderman on them. There are few single-colored ones but they look awfully cheap as well. One is priced at 35 and it's shiny black; perfect but too expensive. I settle down on the one that costs 15 and is dark grey and not too cheap looking.

Since I still have 5 dollar left I visit the men's clothing department. All I can find for 5 bucks are socks and underwear. Uh, boring. I want to buy myself something! Something nice. There's a section with sales, everything only five or ten bucks. Bingo! I search through the crate; more socks and ugly shirts, but then I find a sweater that is a nice shade of amethyst. As I pull it out of the other clothing's grab, I notice that it is way too short though. Most likely children's wear. There are no sleeves to it. I love it.

* * *

I pay and leave the building. The way back is even more annoying, because I walked through the same streets not too long ago. Plus, I'm thirsty.

When I am back home, I rush upstairs. In the kitchen I fill a glass with tap water and drink it out in seconds.

"Hey." It's Bakura's voice coming from his room. Music is playing in the background.

"Hey," I say back.

Hmm. I have one hour left til work. The last chance to annoy Bakura before he's gone for the next week, the last chance to make him clear what he's gonna miss!

I take my jacket and shirt off, take the hoodie out of the bag and put it on. With the low-cut jeans I wear, you can see much of my abs! I love this sweater! I feel sexy as hell with it.

"You're going soon, huh?" I ask Bakura as I go through the hallway to his room.

"Yup, at seven," he replies. He's sitting at his desk, his heels on the edge of the chair, his arms on his knees. He doesn't look at me, so I stay standing at the door, leaning against it. "I have some beer left in the fridge, you can have it." He types into his computer, putting his head on his knees.

"Bakura," I say. Look at me.

He finishes typing and turns his head, his cheek lying pressed against his knee. "Tss, where did you find that kiddie sweater?" he huffs. His eyes trace me up and down.

I grin. "Knew you would like it."

He huffs some more. "I don't- I don't care."

"Mh-hm, sure." I move to him and he puts his feet on the ground.

"Riight." He shakes his head. "Whatever. I'm not gonna be there, so you gotta feed yourself. Think you can manage that?"

I nod. "Yup. Five days chicken salad menu. I'll survive it."

He looks at me. "Six days."

I pout. "Mh."

"Also, if you won't sleep down here, never turn off the heater completely. The longer it's off, the longer it takes to get warm again. Always keep it at least a bit on, please." He's typing more. A glance tells me he's on some forum.

"Uh, okay. Why would I be downstairs though," I mumble. He's avoiding looking at my body, so I step to his bed and sit down next to a big suit case and the white backpack.

"Yeah, right," he chuckles. "You're only in here for me."

Is he being sarcastic? I can't tell. I cross my arms before my chest. "Well... yeah."

"Ugh. Lock my room then. Kefia doesn't have to know that I'm gone."

"You're not telling him you're away?"

"Guess I rather don't tell my homophob father about my vacation with my number one, what do you think?" Okay, _that_ is sarcasm though!

I look down. Your number one? Mh. Stupid 'K'. I wanna be your number one.

Not long and Bakura dresses up. He says he wants to buy a few things before leaving, like cigarettes and red bull. He opens the window. "Um, so I guess... See ya?" he says, one foot on the window, waiting for me to reply.

I look up from my tablet and nod. "Yeah, see you," I mumble.

He blinks and frowns, not moving. So I look up again and stare at him. He stares back. Nodding and with confusion on his face he eventually climbs out. Hm, did I do something wrong?

Only when he's already gone, I realize that he must have thought that this was our final goodbye. Ohh, damn! Noo! No, Bakura, I didn't mean to be rude! Aw, are you hurt? You surely expected me to make a sad face and hug you and all! Aww, don't worry, we'll see each other another time before you go!

* * *

Soon, I go off to work. I make sure my watch is still working, cause at seven, I want to take my break and say goodbye to Bakura.

Hannah, one of the strip girls, searches for her mascara. I go and buy cigarettes for the girls, which takes ten minutes back and forth plus one minute waiting cause there's someone in line before me, plus two minutes of friendly conversation with the newsstand guy, and when I am back, she's still searching. She must have searched the whole room by now! I ask her if she just didn't bring it with her today and she answers that it was just here a moment ago.

Oh well. The five girls I bought cigarettes for are on stage or on someone's lap, so I leave the cigarette boxes on the table, as usual.

I check on Mai, help out Mahad, you know the drill.

A bit later, I bump into Katherine as I enter the girl's room. She and Mai made me keep distance from her, because I'm allegedly a creep (but I guess Mai just didn't want the drama) and so far it works. She moves away when I'm too close too, so I didn't had any problems with her. She even asked me to get cigarettes for her today, so we're okay again.

Now she purses her lips in anger, pushing her jaw forward. "Fuck off!"

"I didn't see you!" I huff and pass her.

She turns around. "Hey, where are my cigarettes?"

"Here, on the table," I say and vanish into the bathroom. Someone is in here so I leave it again. I've been told that a girl can't piss when a guy is around so I'm always leaving it in that case.

"Noo," Katherine says slowly, standing by the table, "they are not here. You think I wouldn't check on the table were the cigarettes of all the _other_ girls lay?" She crosses her arms before her chest. "What do you have against me?"

"What? They're not there?" I move to her and she takes a few steps away. Gosh, so childish. But she is right, they aren't there. Anzu's are missing too, but she probably already took them. No Marlboro pack, Katherine's brand. Weird. "But I bought them," I mumble. I remember it clearly.

"Go buy them again," Katherine demands.

I glance at her. "Um, without money?" I doubt she'll give me another five dollar again.

She huffs. "Well, either buy them or give me the pack! You owe me!"

"Uh." How? I blink at her, she stares. Well, standing here and getting yelled at by her won't help. I grab my jacket and leave through the exit. I'll go and ask the newsstand guy, maybe I really forgot to buy them. But he never gave me change because I had the exact amount of money I had to pay. Yeah, I _know_ I bought them! So what is going on?

* * *

As expected, Mario, the newsstand guy confirms that he gave me the pack. He has a good memory and why would he lie anyways.

I guess someone else took Katherine's cigarettes. But there's only one other girl that smokes Marlboro and she's not here tonight. Or maybe I missed her? I go through the main room to Mai and look out for the other Marlboro girl, which is Olivia, but I cannot spot her.

I tell Mai what happened and she tells me that she noticed a few other things being missed. Oh. We have a thief amongst us?

My gaze wanders by the clock on top of the ledge above the counter. It's ten after seven! Oh fuck, I need to see Bakura before he leaves!

"Mai!" I say, turning around to her. She mixing something and doesn't look at me but nods. "I have to take my break now, cause- Uh, can I take my break now?"

"So soon?" she asks. "Well... go."

"Thanks!"

I hurry through the room and start climbing the stairs, when I hear a car pulling up. Right, no need to go upstairs, Bakura is surely waiting in the backyard already.

I slow down as I approach the door to the yard. The car is a white Mercedes, looking new and expensive. He just parked in the middle of the yard. 'K' gets out and slams his door shut. He looks up to Bakura's window, moves his sunglasses up onto his head, types something into his phone and looks up again. Why is he wearing sunglasses?! It's evening and it's getting dark already.

Anzu is coming from the bathroom, seeing me. I try to have a good look on 'K' while trying not to be seen by him. I don't expect him to know me, but when Bakura gets out-

"Hm, something interesting?" Anzu comes to me. "What are you... Oh, who's that?" She starts to grin and lifts her hand to wave to him, but I grab her hand and push her aside.

"No," I whisper. "Shh." I peek out again. "Don't interfere."

"Excuse me?" she huffs.

I let her go and smile at her. "Sorry, but... Can't you just go? This doesn't concern you."

"But it does concern you?" She raises one brow. "Who is he?"

Just some ugly jerk who hasn't deserved so much attention from Bakura. "No one. B-Bakura's friend."

Anzu cracks a laugh. "Ah, now I get it. He's his boyfriend and you're jealous!"

"I'm not- And he's not- Ughh, shh, just be silent!" 'K' looked into our direction, surely having seen us. But he isn't fazed at all to be in the backyard of a strip club and being able to see inside the girl's dressing room. No, he looks back onto his phone. Oh right, he's gay, stupid Marik.

But he doesn't look like it. He has very short, blond hair and a pale skin. His jaw is broad, his eyebrows thick. _That_ is Bakura's type? He's muscular though, I can tell. And he's tall, taller than Bakura. His jacket looks like it's made of leather, his shoes are Nikes. His mobile is a Blackberry.

"Huh, and I thought you and Bakura were boyfriends," Anzu huffs, putting her hands on her hips.

"Anzu, shhh! No, we're not!" I whisper. I remember something. "Did you got your cigarettes?"

"Hm, yes, why?"

I don't reply. Finally, I hear the fire escape rattling. Damn, what now? I didn't think this through. Shall I just casually stroll out and tell Bakura goodbye with his lover standing next to us? This is so weird. I don't want to see them smile at each other or grin or hug or anything! Just the thought of him being inside Bakura or Bakura being inside him makes me crazy!  
And they're gonna be inside each other for the next six fucking days!

"Phew, I can't stand here look at you like this," Anzu mumbles and pushes me. I tumble and stretch a leg so I don't fall down and suddenly I am standing outside. The door behind me falls shut and I look straight into 'K'ses bright blue eyes eyes. Fuck.

* * *

"Hey, you're la-" Bakura interrupts himself. "Marik?" he squeals. He stops his pace and stares at me, frowns at me. "Uh, what are you-"

"Um, sorry," I say slowly, looking back and forth between Bakura and 'K'. "Just came out to say goodbye to Bakura."

To that, Bakura gives me the biggest glare I have ever gotten from him. If this was a manga, you'd see tentacles of darkness reaching out to me; his face covered in shadow, his eyes big orbs with small pupils. "I thought we already did that," he presses out between his teeth.

What, why exactly are you angry _now_? It means you're not angry for me to be out here, but... why? Because I want to tell you goodbye again? I don't get it. I try to laugh naturally and make a declining gesture with my hand. "Nah, that doesn't count. You basically jumped out of the window on me." I turn to 'K', still 'laughing'. "He always does that, doesn't he."

The blond doesn't react to me. He keeps looking at me, but neither does he change his mimics, nor does he answer me. Fuck you too. He glances at Bakura, who heaves a sigh, or is it a huff? "Okay," says 'K', "you got your stuff?" He looks at Bakura, then at his phone.

Bakura steps towards his lover, while shooting daggers at me, his mouth a wave of disapproval. What? What is it? I just wanna say goodbye...

"Um," I try and move forward to them. 'K' shoots me a look and turns his back to me, while grabbing Bakura's suitcase from him.

"Put that in the trunk," he says. "You have more?"

"Yeah, that bag," Bakura mumbles.

Oi, my chance. I rush to the fire escape, where Bakura left his bag. Hurr, it's heavy. I bring it to them and wait for someone to grab it from me, but they don't pay attention to me, both being turned with their backs to me.

Bakura rifles through the trunk, while 'K' puts his hand on his shoulder. He is indeed bigger than Bakura, half a head bigger. "Mm," 'K' sounds, giving Bakura's shoulder a rub with his fingers. Bakura moans silently, throwing his head up.

My throat tightens. My limbs freeze. I am standing right behind them. I open my mouth, making a smacking sound. "Um," I croak.

They turn around, Bakura huffing and 'K' frowning at me. "You're still here," he says.

Yeah, I'm very sorry for that! "Here!" I huff and hand him the bag; he has to take it whether or not he wants it. I look at Bakura and he glances at 'K'.

"I'll be right back," he murmurs and 'K' nods, while stuffing the bag to all the other luggage.

* * *

Bakura grabs my arm and pulls me away from the trunk. We move along the car until we are in front of it. 'K' cannot see us, because the trunk is up. He's rummaging inside it, probably trying to fit everything inside.

"So that's why you didn't gave me a proper goodbye," Bakura hisses, crossing his arms before his chest. He's standing close, slightly bent towards me.

I look away. "Mh, yeah. I figured I should tell you goodbye when you actually leave-"

"Hah, no. Don't lie," Bakura says sharply. "You came to take a look at _him_."

I stare back at Bakura and shrug. "Yeah, okay, that's true. I was curious. What's so bad about it? Why are you so mad?"

He leans back. "Hmpf. I knew it. If you really loved me, you would want me to be happy with whoever I chose to be happy. But you're just jealous."

I tilt my head and grin at him. "So you're mad because I don't really love you...?"

He rolls his eyes. "Tss. I'm mad cause you think you're in love while you aren't."

My grin drops. "Still don't get why you would be mad at me for this... And who are you to tell me what my true feelings are? Why does jealousy mean that I am not really in love? You- You can't tell me that my feelings aren't true, what the fuck!"

'K' closes the trunk loudly. We glance at him, then Bakura grabs me again and we move a few steps more. We got loud at the end of our short exchange and now we're whispering again.

"Fine, I guess I can't really know what you feel," Bakura murmurs, looking down. "But... I just don't want you to- Ugh." He crosses his arms before his chest again.

"What?" I shrug and shake my head.

"I don't know. Don't want to see you two together."

"Why not?"

He breathes in loudly. "Ahh... I don't know. Let's just forget it." He looks up. "Goodbye? See you soon?"

I nod. "Yeah." I lift a hand - my impulse to hug him is too strong - but drop it again. He doesn't move his arms, but looks down at my hand. I chuckle helplessly. "No hug?"

"Uggh, okay," he grumbles and uncrosses his arms. He still doesn't move apart from that though, so I lean over and put my arms around him. He puts one arm around my waist and his head on my shoulder. "It's not like we won't see each other ever again," he mutters.

"Yeah, but... Six days? I don't know how I will fall asleep without you," I mumble into his shoulder.

He chuckles. "Right. This is almost like a vacation from your constant annoying."

I pout. "Just admit that you'll miss me."

"Never."

We pull back and share a grin. His hand lingers a bit on my waist, until we hear someone clearing his throat. "You're done?" asks 'K', moving towards us, then getting into the driver's seat. "The sooner we're there, the better."

Shut up. I throw a short glare at him. Bakura nods. "Yup, we're done." He glances at me and smiles. "See you." He moves around to the passenger's side of the car.

I nod. "Yeah, see you." I take a few steps back, to give the car space.

'K' doesn't even look at me, but stares straight ahead as he turns on the motor, changes into the right gear and dashes right past me. He didn't even say bye to me, that motherfucker! This arrogant jerk!

I stare at the car, watch it maneuver around the corner, out of the backyard and into the street. He didn't need to rush that fast past me, that idiot. It just made them stop jerkily right there at the corner again. I cross my arms. I can see Bakura's outline in the car. Lots of hair, small frame. I already miss him.

What time is it? Almost half. I have ten minutes left of my break. And seven hours to go. I open the exit door with my keys.

From up close, 'K'ses stupid blue eyes were really stunning. He has long lashes. The jaw wasn't all that broad. His hair is super short, like almost bald, but not really. Personality wise he's a zero out of ten. Rude as hell, arrogant, selfish, stupid... Okay, maybe not the last one.  
He didn't even greet Bakura properly. Can't be because I was there, no. What does Bakura see in him? Maybe I should start being rude to Bakura as well.

Not now. Now I gotta endure those six days first.

* * *

I go back to work and don't wait those ten minutes. I don't want to be alone with my thoughts now.

Hannah has found her mascara she tells me. Anzu stands near the exit and smokes. Harley comes in and Anzu instantly freezes up. I am done cleaning up here and leave the room, rolling eyes. I don't get why Anzu can't stand her. Probably just to create drama.

The worst part of this whole job is washing plates. It's such a monotone and undemanding activity that you naturally begin to let your thoughts wander. I of course think about 'K' and his stupid big hand massaging Bakura's shoulder. Eww, it's so disgusting to imagine what they will do tonight. And the day after. And the night following that day. And so on. I sigh out loudly and one of the cooks asks me if I'm okay. I lie and say that I am.

I should forget Bakura. I should run away and begin a new life, maybe contact Jaden, maybe we can live together or run away together. I have no clue if Akefia actually knows where Jaden lives now. But even asking him would make it seem that I want to run away and who knows what he'll do then.

I'm happy and also concerned when the night is finally over. Mahad gives me the last Tupperware and stuff and we close the storage room, then the kitchen. I'm by the exit door, wait for all the girls to leave.  
Anzu puts her hand on my shoulder and gives me a pitiful look. "Aw, poor little Marik!"

I huff and give her a half-smile. "Uh, yeah, thanks, bye."

"Hm, what is it?" Hannah asks.

"Oh yeah, I gotta tell you about it!" Anzu starts, while the two of them leave. "He's in love with Bakura, right, and he..."

I growl to myself. Goddammit, just eeeverybody here knows I'm in love with him! I'm so pathetic. If they know it, I must be really obvious. No wonder Bakura finds me annoying. You don't want to date someone who's clingy.

* * *

I go upstairs into Bakura's room before I know it. Oh. Why am I here? He's gone. I should sleep upstairs.

I grab my stuff - which has become a lot over the time - and go up to my room. I let the covers, the tablet, clothes and shoes fall to the floor. It got a lot warmer, but you still need the heater for the night. Yet when I try to turn it on, there's no hissing but the gurgle. Shit, not the gurgle, no! I stare at the heater, as if it is its fault, everything I mean, my whole life, my stupid feelings, my senseless job - but the gurgle remains.

So I pick up everything from the floor and go back downstairs. I have no choice, have I? I have to sleep in Bakura's room and pretend he's there. Maybe that'll help.

No. You know what? I can't sleep on that stupid mattress tonight. The one he used to fuck other guys on, hah, maybe even 'K'. I'm gonna sleep in your bed, Bakura. It may smell a bit, but I don't care. It's your smell.

After putting on my pajama clothes I climb into his bed. It creaks a bit. I pull the covers close to my face. Mm, it does smell like him. A mixture of beer, his shampoo and his body odor. Maybe tomorrow he'll be back. Yeah, maybe they will fight and by tomorrow Bakura will be so pissed that he'll come back and never ever want to see 'K' or even speak about him again and then he'll lean over to me and hug me and I'll hold him and I'll kiss him and run my hands over his body...

I start fapping but feel bad for doing so in his bed so I grab a tissue before finishing. I don't feel much better after that.

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you for the reviews guys! :D The end is not in sight yet :P I've planned and divided this story into arcs and so far we're in arc B.**


	34. Day 100: Harley

**Day 100**

* * *

 _3/31/2016 - Thursday_

* * *

It's the hundreds day for me in this shit hole. I miss Bakura. He's gone be back tomorrow.

The days pass sooo slowly, they're crawling. During nighttime I work of course and by day I mostly lay around. I do some house chores, like washing clothes and plates, I even vacuumed Bakura's room, the hall and the kitchen. Then I usually go outside, jog or just walk around.

Oh and I changed Bakura's bed sheets! I found a brand new pack of bed sheets upstairs in the storage room, while I was getting the hoover. Some day I gotta search through the whole room, who knows what else I might find!  
So Bakura's bed sheets are purple now. He'll hate me for it. But chances are that he's gonna be in a good mood after spending a whole week with 'K'. I wonder what they are doing now.

I slept in his bed every night since he's gone. It's ten times more comfortable than my stupid mattress! Yeah, I could go upstairs, but mhh, nope. I like his room.  
I managed to switch the TV from the PlayStation mode to actual TV mode by pressing some random buttons. Not one channel works properly, there must be something wrong with this thing. One single channel works though; but it's in Spanish. I've found a soap opera running just from nine til half past, so I started watching that in my break time. I am not sure what's going on but it's entertaining. Never thought I would miss TV so much!

I went to that basketball game with Vanessa. She is a nice girl, just talks a bit too much. I wasn't interested in the game at all, but whatever, at least I was there.

Tomorrow is April the first. Fool's Day. I planned to play some prank on Bakura, but I am not sure what. Without money you can only do so much. I got $5 from Gus last Wednesday plus the remaining $2 I still had, but bought myself a big cola for $2 so in the end I got $5. What a joke. I used to spend hundred dollar every few weeks on sweets, clothes and random stuff.

I could buy oreos and toothpaste for April Fool's. Or put butter under the door handle. Hm... Gotta plan this later, after work.

* * *

I play Candy Crush the whole day long and answer every text message I get from my sister and my Tumblr friends immediately. I hate being alone!

Only one more day, Marik. One more boring day and boring work night and then he'll be back!  
Oh, he could be away all Saturday and only come back in the evening though. He never told me when _exactly_ he'll be back.

I hope you are happy. I hope you're laughing and having a good time. Maybe 'K' isn't all that bad? Maybe he just seems cold but is nice when you get to know him.

Akefia doesn't seem to notice that his son is away. He was drunk the other night and mumbled stuff before Bakura's door, but never knocked. Hm. He wouldn't know if Bakura was missing and being dead for weeks or months, before the school would call and ask for him.

* * *

Aand it's time for work. I put on my work outfit: Black hoodie and jeans and go downstairs. It's still empty, but there's a sound. Oh yeah right, the DJ is preparing his equipment, turning on music on his desk, trying different things out. He's cute.

An hour later, two girls are dancing on the main stage and the third one is coming. The DJ announces her: " _And if you lack that extra fresh taste in your life, hold on! Peppermint Patty is here to freshen up your life!_ " Some guys cheer. Harley dances up to the stage, biting her lip seductively. She grabs the pole and twirls around it, lets her boobies jiggle.

"Interesting, hm?" Mai nudges me.

Oops right, what was I doing? I close the fridge, only to open it again. I was filling it with more beer. "Eh, it is kind of interesting," I say and bend down to grab more bottles.

"After so many years I don't even find it arousing anymore," Mai sighs.

Huh? "You found women arousing before?" I glance at her.

She shrugs. "No, I'm not gay. But you know, when you look porn or- oh." Her eyes widen. "I probably shouldn't talk about porn with a minor."

I laugh. "So I shouldn't hear about porn, but working in a strip club is okay?"

She steps to me and chuckles. "Yeah, you're right. And as if you never watched porn. I bet all the kids do it nowadays."

I close the fridge, it's full now and my beer crate empty. "Hah, not really," I mumble. "But you do see things, friends showing you stuff and all that."

"Really?" She blinks. "Back in my days everybody knew that everybody was watching those clips but we never talked openly about it." She laughs and waves it off. "Ahh, I just wanted to say that even if you're not into girls, you still get kinda aroused by seeing them exposed. It's because you associate nakedness with sex in general."

I nod. "Yeah, true. I guess that's what it makes it interesting to me. I have no lady parts and am not interested in them, so they're all like a whole different species for me."

Mai laughs.

* * *

Later, when I check the girl's room for another time, I hear giggling inside. Madeline is standing, talking to Harley and Stacy sitting at the table. Madeline is a shy girl, on stage and in real life; she mostly does lap dances and private dances in the champagne rooms. "Yeee," she laughs, "I can't wait! We even reserved a big table!"

"Reserved a table?" I ask, stepping to them.

"That is when you call in a restaurant and tell them not to give a table to somebody else," Stacy says.

Harley, Madeline and I look at her for a moment. "Well, you're not wrong," Harley chuckles.

I snort a laugh.

"It's my birthday," Madeline says, smiling.

"Oh, today?" I stretch my hand out. She nods eagerly. "Happy Birthday!" She gives me her hand and we hug. I pat her back, then we pull away.

"You should put in your birthday as well," Stacy says. "On the list in the first toilet stall." She turns to Harley. "You too."

"Huh, in the toilet stall?" Harley wonders.

Right. Mai told me about that once. Harley gets up and we both go in there, luckily no one else is inside. "Yup, there!" we hear Stacy shout behind us.

At the other side of the first stall's door hangs a calendar. I've noticed it before, but never bothered to read what's written on it. There's a picture of the night sky of... Sydney I think on it, under it a box for each day of the month. In some boxes are names. "Synthia?" Harley reads out loud. "Who's that?"

I shrug. "Probably someone who doesn't work here anymore."

She looks at me. "So they always use the same calendar each year?"

I blink. Oh. Yeah, why would they do that? "You got a pen?"

"Pff, hehe look. It's from the year 2000. No, I don't."

"Okay, I'll ask someone." I leave the bathroom.

Madeline has a pen. Harley and I write our birthdays into the little boxes. Hers is on the 4th of August. "Your birthday is on Christmas?" she shrieks.

"No, on the 23rd."

"Close enough!" Her expression changes. "Aww, that must suck!"

I laugh and shrug. "No, it's okay. I get presents on both days."

* * *

In my break I watch the 2,378th episode of the Spanish soap opera. Or maybe it's Mexican, I can't tell. Or Portuguese? Gotta ask Bakura tomorrow.

Later, I run into a fight in the dressing room. Before I reach the room I hear Anzu's voice: "You know what I want! I want you to quit acting so friendly and being a bitch behind all our backs!"

"Ah, I-I really don't know what you want from me," Harley whimpers.

"What's wrong?" I pant, stepping into the room.

"They are mad!" Stacy says. Madeline shakes her head and gets out of the room. The other two girls grab their cigarettes and go outside for a smoke break, leaving Anzu, Harley and me in the room.

Anzu sighs, putting her hands on her hips. "It's useless, I will have to talk with Mai about this."

"About what? I didn't do anything!" Harley says. "I wasn't stealing your customers, I swear!"

Anzu shakes her head. "Nope, you don't fool me," she murmurs. She passes me, I step aside.

"What happened?" I ask Harley. She let's out a sob and comes to me, suddenly falls into my arms, her face pressed into my chest. "Wha- Oh!" I put one hand on her back and pat her. "It's okay," I say.

"She's mean," she mumbles.

I pat her more. "Yeah, I know," I sigh.

"She thinks I am stealing her customers."

"Eh, how?"

"That I was going to those men who had been flirting with her on stage on purpose. Okay, yes, I gave the guy who was sitting close to one of the small stages a lap dance, after she went off that stage. But she went away and he made eye contact with me!" Harley pulls back and looks at me with her big eyes. "What, it's my job, shall I avoid all guys who made eye contact with her or what?"

I shake my head. "No, of course not. I guess Anzu just overreacted."

She is still close to me, her hands grabbing the fabric of my hoodie. She glances up and smirks. "Say, how old are you actually?"

I freeze. Wait, what?

Voices and steps are coming closer. "Thank you, I feel like nobody's believing me!" Anzu. Harley lets go of me and sits down at the table, putting on a sorrowful face. Huh. Now that really looks fake, her being all sad, all of a sudden.

Mai steps inside, followed by Anzu and Nanako. "Marik, get out. Go to Mahad, please."

Harley looks up, pouting. "I didn't do anything."

"Okay," I say, moving slowly out.

Anzu crosses her arms before her chest and taps her foot. Nanako grins.

"You too, Nana," Mai says.

* * *

I forgot about the incident until I clean the girl's room for the last time tonight and meet Anzu, who's dressing up early. "So?" I ask her, while she takes off her bra. I have seen her breasts so often now, they don't affect me much anymore.

"So," she says slowly, huffing. "So Mai couldn't really do a thing, because there's no proof that Harley ever stole anything."

"Wait, I thought this was about her stealing customers-"

She sighs. "That too. But haven't you noticed that the waitresses get less tips or that things go missing?" She tilts her head.

I nod slowly. "I guess. Could all be coincidence though."

"That's what Mai says!" Anzu growls. "We all know though that there's something fishy with that Harley."

I remember her acting sad and wonder if maybe Anzu could be right. "Hm. It's weird, yeah." Oh, and... I look up. "And what about Katherine's cigarettes?"

Anzu sits down to put on her civilian pants and frowns. "What do you mean?"

"Last week I bought cigarettes for all of you. On uh, Saturday. And Katherine's gone missing. She was mad at me for that but I haven't seen her since. She was there yesterday, right?"

Anzu nods. "Oh yeah, her kid got sick so she wasn't there for a couple of days, but she was there yesterday, yes."

Katherine has a child? "But it's weird, I know she tries to avoid me, but she never asked me about the cigarettes again."

Anzu stands up and stares straight ahead, thinking for a moment. "Ah." Her eyes and mouth widen. "She _did_ mention that she missed them and later found them under the table!" She snaps her fingers and points at me. "Yes! That was Harley's doing!"

I lift my palms up. "But she did found them after all. So..."

Anzu snorts. "So what? She heard you two fighting and figured it would make her fly so she put them under the table to make it look as if they have fallen down. M-hm, I remember Kat saying that she found it weird, because they were lying there quite obviously and wondered why she hadn't seen them in the first place."

Come to think of it, I didn't see them either. The table in the girl's room only has one leg in the middle, so there's nowhere a cigarette pack could hide. "Maybe you're right."

"I am! You'll see!" Anzu nods strongly.

* * *

I go upstairs. The whole Harley business makes me think. She seems like such a nice person and helped me a few times. Only with little things, but that's when you actually see how a person is, right? There are lots of people who just talk but never do things, so when somebody is nice in detail, they must be nice overall, right?

Ah, it's confusing. The world isn't black and white after all. I wonder what Bakura would say to this.

In the apartment, I open the fridge for a glass of milk before bed. Huh, weird, where is Bakura's beer? He left two bottles of beer before he went to Spring Break and now they're gone. Did Akefia take them? Mhh.

I drink out the milk and go into Bakura's room. The last night without him! Tomorrow he'll be back! Oh, I can't wa-

Someone's snoring. Someone's in Bakura's bed. I approach it and it's Bakura himself. Huh, but today's Thursday, not Friday. Why is he already back...?

Mmm, it feels good to see and hear him though! I'm grinning. I'd love to hug him and welcome him back home! His hair is all messed up, as usual. I sit down next to him and grab a particularly big hair strand that is lying at the wrong spot. Hm, Bakura smells of beer. Oh, that's where it went. He drank it and fell asleep.

He frowns and makes a sound. Woops, I don't want to wake him up. His hair is still a mess, but at least that one hair strand it on the right spot now.

I undress and get under my covers. Mh, my mattress sucks. I'd rather lie next to him.

Ah, I totally forgot about the pranks! Tomorrow is the first of April! Daaamn, I hope I have time to prepare something tomorrow, before he wakes up!

* * *

 **A/N: Guess what, my laptop died. I was lucky that I could safe the most important data on it like for example this story!  
**

 **Thank you for your reviews guys! I noticed that sometimes they are cut off :/ Hopefully fanfiction net can resolve this issue, I love your reviews so much! Hehe, sorry to disappoint, Guest, that's not the idea behind the title :P**


	35. Day 101: Control

**Day 101**

* * *

 _4/1/2016 - Friday - April Fool's Day_

* * *

101 days over, 264 days to go!

It's April Fool's Day and sadly, Bakura woke up before I did. Dammit! I could have prepared something, anything, but of course he had to wake up before me today! Argh! I got to improvise!

As soon as I hear the shower running I look up, checking if Bakura's bed is empty. It is, so it's probably him showering. My watch says it's 10 in the morning; no way Akefia is up already.  
I get up and put on some joggers and a shirt, then rush to the kitchen and turn on the hot water. A shriek comes from the bathroom. Heh, so this works. I wait for a few seconds, then turn on the hot water again, and again Bakura let's out a yelp. I turn the hot water off and turn the cold water on. And again, switching between hot and cold. Bakura is not shrieking anymore, but yelling:

"What the fuck?! Marik!? Stop that shit!"

I laugh to myself. It's just a prank, bro!

He turns the shower off. Oh, he's coming. I run back into his room, lock the door and wait for him. Here he is. He tries the handle, then hits his fist against the wood. "Come on, that's not funny!"

I beg to differ. I chuckle to myself. Okay, and what now? Obviously, I have to leave the room at some point, but before that I could- Oh, yes. I open up the drawer where he keeps his underwear and socks. I grab an empty plastic bag and put everything inside, leaving the drawer empty.

"Marik!" Bakura bangs at the door.

"Just a sec!"

"Open up!" he grumbles. "What the heck are you doing? I'm naked here!"

Heh. Yup, I know. You never take clothes with you but come back from the shower with nothing but a towel. Now, where do I put the bag though? It's quite big and there's no room here to hide big things... Ah yes, under he bed!

"Marik!"

"Just a second!" I yell, pushing the bag deep into the shadows under the bed. Huh, what is that? There's something already, getting pushed aside by the bag. I fumble and find it; it's that notebook Bakura uses from time to time. Is it a diary?

"Marik, I swear to God...!"

"I thought you didn't believe in God!" I snap back.

"MARIK!"

I get it, it's enough. I flip the notebook under the bed and unlock the door. "Sorry," I grin. His face is flushed with anger. Uh-oh. Is he really that mad at me? I pass him and go into the kitchen. Hmm, what next, what next? Oh, yeah, I'll make him a coffee!

Bakura closes the door to his room. I turn on the water kettle and prepare the cup with ground coffee and filter. Not long and I hear another "Marik!" coming from his room. "Where the fuck did you put my clothes?!"

I grin. "Why, I don't know what you mean!"

"You know exactly what I mean! What the fuck is wrong with you today?!"

I wonder if I am being too mean. Judging by his voice he's crazy angry, but why? I'm doing the lowest pranks here, really. I could have done much worse stuff.  
The kettle is finally done. I pour the water over the coffee powder and wait for it to drop into the cup. "Have you trouble getting dressed?" I ask.

"No! I've found them."

Damn. I grab the salt shaker. "Bakuraa! ~" I purr. There's still hot water left so I make a tea, too.

"What? Fuck you."

I knock at his door. "Oi, I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me. Here, I made you coffee." Will he fall into my trap?

A bit of rustling, then he opens up. "Really?" he grunts, looking me up and down, as if we were at the customs and I was trying to smuggle weapons. Sadly, he's dressed.

"Really," I grin, holding the coffee cup further up. I don't break eye contact as I bring the tea cup to my lips.

"Hah," he makes and grabs the tea cup out of my hand. "I'm not falling for this! What did you put into the other one?" He points his chin at the coffee cup.

I pout. "Nothing."

He is staring at me and still glaring. Hm, I'm not getting any grin out of you today? I watch him take a sip of tea with closed eyes and bite my lip.

"Good, hm?" I mutter, trying my best not to laugh.

He looks up with the gulp of tea still in his mouth, breathing loudly in and out. "Wawik!" he manages to say without losing a drop.

I break out in laughter while he runs to the bathroom, where he spits the tea out. "I'm gonna kill you!"

"Aw no, you won't," I say between laughs. I bring the coffee into the kitchen and empty the cup.

"Fuck you, how did you know I would take the tea?!"

"I didn't!" I shout back. "Just put salt in both of them!"

"You little shit!"

I just laugh. Still can't tell if he's really mad though. He seems like it, but it can't be because of my harmless pranks, can it? Hm, maybe something happened between him and 'K'? That would also explain why he's back one day earlier.

We meet at his door, where he blocks me. "Ah no. I'm sick of you," he says between his teeth. "Stay the fuck away from me!"

"Eh?" I blink. "I'm done, really. Bakura, I-" _BLAM...!_ I get the door slammed into my face. "It's just a prank, bro!" I try, but get no answer. "Today's April the first, you know? Just wanted to annoy you a bit..."

"As if you weren't doing that enough!" he snaps.

I take a few steps away from his door. He's mad for real. Fine. I'm not gonna stand here and let myself getting yelled at him any longer! "Idiot," I mumble and go upstairs into my room. I wouldn't had mind getting pranked like this by him. My clothes and my watch are still downstairs, the tablet too. Mhh, boring. I could read one of Jaden's comics again, it's been a while.

* * *

Suddenly, it's noon and I'm hungry as a wolf. I'm in no mood to meet Bakura downstairs but I gotta go.

The kitchen is empty though. I make myself cornflakes and sit down to eat. Akefia comes out of his room and into the kitchen, dressed in jeans and shirt. He grabs a water bottle. "Morning," I mumble chewing. He nods at me, then goes back into his room. Hm. His hair was is disarray, just as Bakura's is after waking up.

I finish eating and go showering. Akefia will go soon too, so I better hurry. I didn't bring clothes with me, so I gotta knock at Bakura's door afterwards. I'm pissed at him, and yet I still wanna see him, ugh! I want to grab him and ask him what the fuck is wrong with him!

Ten minutes later, I put a towel around my hips, pulling it as tight as possible, so it hopefully won't fall down. I tiptoe to Bakura's room and knock; I'm still dripping with water.

"Fuck off, Marik."

"I'm naked and need clothes."

"What makes you think I care?"

"We're friends. You like me," I say dryly.

He huffs. The bed creaks. The sound of steps. "I don't like you anymore." His voice is by the door now.

"You do," I murmur. "You're just angry because of something or someone. But that doesn't give you the right to let it out on me," I say grumpily.

He gives a mocking chuckle. "You don't know me."

"I do."

"Hmpf."

And how I know you! I can picture you clearly in my head. You're standing sideways to the door, arms crossed before your chest, knowing that you'll open up, but you just want to hear one more argument, something that will make you feel good about yourself.

Or something that will make you care about me. "I'm cold."

A few seconds pass. "Ugh, okay, fine!" Bakura then says loudly and unlocks the door. I grin. Mwahaha.

At the same time though, we hear steps coming from the opposite room. Bakura glances at my chest, then to Akefia's door. Just when the door opens, he grabs my arm and pulls me inside, then closes his door behind me. It's dark in his room, my eyes need time to adjust. We listen how Kefia walks to the bathroom and locks the door. Shortly after the shower begins to run.

Bakura let's go of me and breathes out. "Uh, it's always an adventure with you."

"Hm, what do you mean?"

"Some day he's gonna catch us fighting while one of us is half naked or something like that and throw you out."

"So what?" Us fighting doesn't mean there's something between us. Also: "He never told me of those 'strikes' you mentioned."

"Guess you got lucky." Bakura sits down at his desk, his back turned to me. "Take what you need, you know the drill."

I nod and grab some clothes from my mattress and some fresh stuff from his closet. He never even so much as glances at me while I dress up. But I know he would like too.

Only when I am fully dressed, he picks up the conversation again: "So you pranked me because of April Fool's Day? You're so childish."

"Aw, it was fun," I grin. "Seeing you getting all worked up."

"Yeah, it was fun for _you_."

I'm gonna simply not acknowledge his bad mood. "Why were you already back yesterday? Thought you'd come today."

He looks back at me, eyebrows back down, jaw stiffened. "I'm... not gonna answer that," he brings out falteringly.

I stare at him. "It's got something to do with 'K', right?"

"Shut the fuck up!" he hisses. "That's none of your business!"

My eyelids drop halfway. "So I'm right."

"Marik...!" He leans to me, his hands on his thighs turned to fists.

I get up and proceed to fold the towel into a small square. My back is turned to him. "Okay."

"I'm not gonna tell you anything!"

"Okay!" I repeat and face him again. "It's alright. Tell me if you want to, if not, then don't." I give him a smile, to which he furrows his brows in confusion. I gotta stop being to curious. A big part of me is glad he got in a fight with his beloved 'K', but another doesn't want to hear anything about this guy, not even negative stuff.

Also, being pushy with Bakura is never a good idea. Keep your stuff with 'K' to yourself and when you finally understand that he's bad and I am good for you, I'll welcome you with open arms.

Bakura breathes out. He rubs his forehead and sighs. "Uh, I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm getting angry so easily."

"It's okay. I have to stop bugging you."

"Mh." He looks at me. "I still owe you three dinners and a movie."

I smile. "Yup. When do we wanna go?"

He smiles back. "Hm, Thursday? It's half price then."

My smile drops. "Yesterday was Thursday. I gotta wait a whole week?"

He smirks. "Well, it's your money. You're paying, remember? One ticket is $12, so $24 plus popcorn and drinks, so $20 more..."

"Forty dollar for one movie?" I sit down. All I have is five dollar.

"On a normal day, yes. Thursdays it's half price, so $12 dollar for two tickets. We don't have to get popcorn though, we can bring in our own food."

I blink. "Huh, but I heard bringing in food isn't allowed."

He rolls his eyes. "It isn't, but everybody does it anyways. Obviously."

I nod. "Alright, but I still want popcorn! It's a must!"

"Popcorn is like ten bucks."

Twelve dollar for tickets plus ten for popcorn... "Okay, we'll go as soon as I saved $22!" I say, nodding strongly.

He laughs and smiles at me. "Alright," he says softly.

I bite my lip. He's so cute. I love it when he smiles like that. A small smile. Content.

* * *

Bakura receives a text message. I recognize the distinct sound; two short vibrations, just like my Whatsapp. He pulls his phone out and looks at the display. His face goes blank, he's motionless for a moment.

"Bakura?"

He breathes out through his nose. "Leave," he says under his breath.

"What?"

He turns to me, eyes burning with emotions. "Leave!"

I stare, blink and don't move. What the fuck? I grab the edge of the bed hard. "Why?"

"Marik!" He huffs, stepping to me. "Go!" He points to the door. His jaw is tightened again.

"Alright," I say slowly, getting up. I don't break eye contact with him while walking to the door. Maybe he'll change his mind again. But he doesn't. His eyes are fixed on me, he stopped breathing. I grab the handle and push it down, watching him.

"Go faster!" he pushes out between his teeth.

I let out a grunt and break the eye contact. "Okay! Don't worry, I'm out!" I open the door and slam it behind me. Here, I'm gone! Happy? What the fuck is wrong with you?!

I go upstairs again. So far, he got mad at me because of some harmless pranks, then calmed down and we talked about our cinema visit and he was nice and cute, then he read a text message and suddenly got mad again. Big, fat _Eh?!_ Are you on your period?

It's not that big of a mystery though. It's all because of 'K', I'm betting my tan on it.

Nevertheless, that's not an excuse. I'm not gonna let that behavior slide by anymore. Who am I, a punching bag? I get that he's full of anger, and he has every right to it. But don't let it out on me!

I'm not going downstairs tonight anymore. I'll go to work obviously, but I'm not gonna visit him in my break!

* * *

An hour later my anger is gone and replaced by sadness. I lie on my bed, writing my diary. I was so happy when he came back, but he treats me like scum. One stupid message from 'K' and I'm forgotten. Wonder what it said. Something negative apparently, but what? And why is he back earlier? What happened? Guess I'll never find out.

A knock at my window. I look up; Bakura stares at me through the dirty glass, giving me somewhat of a smile. Trying to apologize? Hmpf. I give him a glare and turn away, my notebook in my hands. He's seen it anyways now, what does it matter.

Oh, though the window isn't locked. He could push it open and come inside with no problem. I look over my shoulder to him; he doesn't move, but knocks again.

Why wouldn't you just come in?

Huh, right. It's not polite. Me coming inside your room all the time isn't polite either. Aw, okay, I can't be mad at you any longer, what's with your little knocks, asking for forgiveness so sweetly.

I get off the bed, leaving my diary under my pillow, and slide the window open. He's in a short sleeved shirt, smiling. "Hey," he murmurs.

I'm not longer mad - though I actually should be - but it's fun to pretend that I am, so I cross my arms before my chest and form a big pout with my lips. "Yes, what is it," I grumble.

He furrows his brows and snorts, tilting his head to the side. "I'm sorry...? I-I mean, I'm sorry. Okay?" He shrugs, then looks at his feet.

Mmm, cute! My pout makes room for a grin, which I try to hold back, but it's too powerful. I start grinning and look down as well. "Okay," I answer.

He looks up. "I just wanted to be alone in my room for a moment, you know," he continues.

"That's okay," I reply. "The way you said it however was not."

"I'm aware of that," he sighs. "Next time I'll try to say it in a calmer way."

"Alright," I smile. I let my arms fall and take a step to the side. "Wanna come in?"

He nods and climbs through my window. I sit down at my desk. As expected he sits down on my bed, where he promptly fishes out my notebook. He holds it up with one raised brow. "What's this?"

Jumping off my chair, I snatch my diary out of his hand. "Nothing!" He has found my pen as well, which I also grab away. "Argh, Bakura! Stop touching my stuff!"

To that he leans back and smirks at me. "See? That's how it feels!" A light flashes in his eyes and he falls backwards, his head hitting my pillow. "And now I'm using your bed, _your_ bed, the one you sleep in, the one you feel save in!" He grabs one of the blankets lying near his feet and covers himself with it. "Mmm, so comfy! Hm, how does that feel?"

I stare at him for moment, then I crack up. "Pfahaha, you're so ridiculous!" True, he invades my private space a bit, but I don't mind. It does feel a bit weird, but I can't complain while doing the same to him!

"Hm, okay." He gets up and looks around in my room. My place is tidy - because I don't possess much - so he has trouble finding something else, but eventually his gaze falls onto the cardboard box where I keep a few clothes. "Aha!" he says and grabs the first random item: A sock. He holds it up. "How's this?"

"That's a sock, so I am not sure how it feels, but I would say it's doing okay."

He chuckles but pouts. "How would you feel if I put it on?"

I shrug. "It's not even mine, but yours, so-"

"Really?" He turns it on the other side as if he could recognize it better that way. "Right, I actually wondered where those went." He sighs and throws it back into the box. Not mad at me for keeping them? "Uh, it's useless to annoy you I guess, since everything you own was someone else's at some point," he says.

I grin at him, then I frown. Mhh. He's right. The only things that are mine is the diary, the pen, my watch and my bag. And my boots, my thin jacket, the clothes I came here with. That's not much.

Bakura notices my look and clears his throat. "But now, I hafta share my stuff with you." He sighs theatrically. "I own nothing for myself anymore!" He lets himself fall on my bed.

"Ha-ha!" I grunt. "So..." What now? Still time til work. When we're in his room, he's either at his phone, computer or PlayStation, while I am talking to him, sometimes while playing Candy Crush. Those things aren't here now, neither is my tablet.

"So?" he repeats, staring at the ceiling.

I am immensely curious about what happened during their Spring Break. I know I shouldn't ask, I know I shouldn't, I really shouldn't, but maybe if I just ask very slowly... "About 'K'..."

"Marik!" He's sitting upright again, glaring. "Yeah, I get easily angry, but you're not exactly avoiding making me angry!"

I gulp. "Kay, fair point," I say. I tried.

"I don't want to talk about him, okay?" he says slowly. "So stop asking."

* * *

Afterwards there's a bit of awkward silence. I wonder if he won't tell me because it's _me_ , or because he generally won't talk about it. Then again, I cannot picture him telling Zorc about his lovers, so it's probably not because of me.

"You hungry?" Bakura asks.

"I could eat," I reply.

"Pizza?" he grins.

"Mhh, rather something else for a change."

I get dressed and he goes downstairs to put on a jacket as well. I pass his room and wait for him downstairs. It's cold today. Spring, where are you.

"Where are we going?" I ask as soon as he's there.

"Hm." He begins walking and I follow him. "'The 31' maybe? But it's gonna be full, it's Friday," he mumbles. "We should go there for breakfast sometime," he says even lower.

"'The 31'? Ah, that place where you want to pretend you're eighteen years old and where I asked you about cinema..."

He nods slowly. "Yeah, but they'd never believe me being eighteen, it's a stupid idea, you're right..."

Huh, what's with him all of a sudden? I don't know what to reply, because he sounds as if he's talking to himself and not to me. We leave the backyard and suddenly he stops walking.

"There are other places, but I don't really have the money for them." He stares ahead of himself, frowning.

I put my hands in my pockets. "How can you afford feeding me through anyways?"

He jerks his head to the side, as if he only now noticed me standing there. "I still have Christmas money left," he says, now talking louder. He moves again, so I follow his quick steps.

"Eh, what? What Christmas money?"

"Akefia always gives me money on Christmas and on my birthday. It's like others get pocket money, but I only get it twice a year. Sometimes thrice, for school supplies."

"How much do you get?" He's walking quicker and quicker and I have trouble keeping up. "Hey, wait! Where are we going anyways?"

Bakura sighs and lessens his pace. "One hundred for Christmas, one hundred for my birthday, and fifty bucks for school." He shrugs. "To 'The31', can't afford much."

"I know!" I reply. "I'm very grateful for you feeding me! You don't-"

"Yeah, yeah, I don't have to do this, I know!" He rolls his eyes.

"I just want to express my thankfulness," I moan.

We're walking West. Ha, I know the way. We'll go West, until we'll reach the street with that small mom's and pop's supermarket and the newsstand, then we'll go straight North.

Bakura doesn't reply. He's keeping his eyes to the ground, only looking up when he absolutely has to. What is he thinking about? Must be that stupid, arrogant snob. What did his message say? What happened during Spring Break?

"Why is it called 'The31' anyways?" I ask.

He actually looks up and into my eyes. "Because it's open 24/7."

"Hm?"

"24 plus 7 equals...?"

"Thirty one. Oh." I nod. "Okay. - Wait, it's really open all the time?"

"Yup. You can go there at three in the morning, it's open."

"Huh, sounds stressful for the owners."

"Eh, they have lots of waitresses. And it's full at three am as well so it's worth it."

We continue to walk in silence. Yup, there's his gloomy face again. Aw, dammit, I want to hug him! Forget 'K.', I'm here for you! Where is he now? Where is he when you feel sad? I'm here, he's not!

"Now that I work at The White Snake, I start seeing such things from the other perspective," I say.

He smirks shortly. "Good for you."

Ten minutes pass, in which he slowly accelerates his speed. I am almost jogging, so that I can keep up. Are his legs that much longer than mine, or why can he still comfortably walk like that? "Bakura! Slow down!" I say after some while.

"Ugh, okay, sorry," he mumbles and suddenly stops walking. There are people in front of us anyways. An elder couple, a lady and a sir - Yeah, it feels right to call them that. She is wearing a fur and a large hat while he is dressed in a suit. They're before us, walking with arms linked; he's supporting hers.

"Yeah, please walk slower," I pant, touching his arm.

"Mm." He stares ahead, stares at the couple? They do look sweet. Then he sighs and moves away, passing them. I follow behind him until I can walk next to him again.

"Are you alright?" I ask. "You aren't, right?"

He shakes his head. "No. Even less than usual."

* * *

We reach the boulevard street, then pass Primarkt and enter 'The31'. There's no break between the neon letters above, just like there's no break at that pub! Hah, I found that one out myself!

It's full, just as last time. The TVs are loud, the people even louder. Bakura pushes through them until we find an empty booth. There are still plates on them, but the waitress says she'll clean up in a minute. We nod and she turns around to bring her full tray of food and drinks to some other booth.

"Phew, I'm hungry," I say.

Bakura nods. "Me too."

I pull one of the sticky menus under the plates. Hmm, what to get... "Oi, Bakura, that one sounds good!"

"Hm? Which one?" He's taking off his coat and making himself comfortable.

"There's a plate for twenty, yeah sounds much, but when we share, it's only ten bucks each..."

"What does it matter, I'm paying anyways," he chuckles.

"Right." I look down at the table. "I'm-"

"If you're gonna say one more time how grateful you are for me paying, then I'm gonna rip your head off!" he huffs.

I look up and pout. "Kay, then I gotta show my gratefulness in some other way..."

He raises one eyebrow and frowns. "Which way...?"

I stand up to get rid of my coat. It's getting hot in the pub.

He holds the menu between his fingertips and skims through the lines, his eyes glancing up a few times. "What are you doing?" he asks, as I walk out of the booth onto his side. I grin and open my arms and he leans back. "Marik..."

I lean in, grinning more.

"Marik, no!"

I lean in more, just an inch.

"No, don't-"

I grab him and pull him to me; his cheek against my neck, his hair tickles my throat. Someone bumps his elbow into me, then walks past, but I ignore them.

"Marik..." Bakura grumbles.

I chuckle- Alright, it was more of a giggle. My arms are firmly wrapped around his shoulders, my head leans on his.

"Let me go," he mumbles, but doesn't move.

I shake my head, rubbing my chin against his skull.

"Marik." He puts his hand on my thigh and softly pushes me, but doesn't really make an effort. "You're embarrassing. Everybody's staring."

"They aren't."

He leaves his hand on my thigh. "How long yet?"

"Until you stop talking and we have a quiet moment together."

"Alright then," he sighs. His hand slips off my leg and he breathes out loudly. Then he's calm, breathing slowly, his body moving against mine. I close my eyes.

And for a moment I forget that we're in a hot, loud pub in this never sleeping city. It's just him and me, being close. Our breaths synchronize and slow down. I'm pushing myself against his body. It's probably just my imagination, but it feels as if he's pressing himself against me as well.

* * *

After that far too short moment, I let my arms sink. He instantly pulls back. "Mm," he makes. "Finally."

I return to my booth. Suddenly I am aware of the presence of all the people here, next to us, right, left, everywhere. I feel like being watched, but when I subtly move my eyes around it seems that everybody is busy with themselves. Bakura is staring at me though, snorting and huffing. Yeah, yeah, you didn't like that, I get it.

The waitress comes to us, taking away the dirty plates, glasses and napkins. "Would you like to order your beverages?" she asks. She glances at Bakura and me, then frowns. "I will need to see IDs though, please."

"Just water, please," I say and smile to her.

"Same," Bakura adds.

She gives us another proving look, but then nods. Phew. She's done stacking up the dishes on the tray and balances it skillfully on one hand. Then she takes the wet rag out of her back pocket and wipes our table clean. "Are you ready to order food as well?"

I open my mouth, but Bakura cuts me off. "Yes. That plate- Uh, which one, Marik?" He looks at me.

I grab the menu. "Um, yes. The big mixed plate, please."

The waitress nods and repeats the order, then hurries deeper into the pub, vanishing between the people.

"You okay with the plate?" I smile at him.

He shrugs. "Obviously."

"It says it's really much food and-"

"Yup. No need to justify. It's alright." He's speaking calm, but his eyes look angry already.

I nod. "I just..." I wait for him to interrupt me again, but he doesn't. I grab the menu. Should have asked the waitress to wipe it clean as well. "I just feel bad for you to pay for me all the time. You do get some money from Akefia, but... Actually, two hundred fifty sounds much, but maybe it's not if it's so sporadic..." I look up. "Anyways, I just wished I could help you as well, in some way. I feel like all I do is annoy you." My gaze falls back on the menu. I should have ordered the smaller mixed plate for fifteen. I'm so selfish.

"You do help me," Bakura says.

I look up at him.

He leans forward to grab the other menu lying there and stays in that position: Shoulders hanging sluggishly forward, fore arms laying parallel on the table. "And yeah, you are annoying. But that's... kind of... good." He lets go off the menu and grabs the salt shaker, scratching along the metal edge of the cap with his fingernail. "You take my mind off of things."

I grin. "You told me something similar a while ago." I grin more. "That's why I aalways make sure I've annoyed you enough, every day!"

He snorts a laugh. "Really." Then he speaks calmer again. "Right, I told you that already." He parts his lips to say something more, and I wait until he has found the right words. "Um... Between then and now though, you... I... I noticed that I..." He turns the salt shaker around. And around.

"What?" I chuckle.

He puts the salt shaker down and leans back, crossing his arms before his chest. "I like your company."

I'm not impressed. "You already told me that as well."

He looks away, frowning.

"We're friends. That's not new."

He smacks his lips. "Alright, yeah, but- I like you more, now."

I blink. "As in... being in love with me...?"

To that, he hisses "Hell no!" while slamming his palms on the table, then leans back again. "Just like you more." He keeps staring at me and I stare back, albeit amused.

"Alright."

He heaves a growl. "Ughh, I never liked somebody so fast before, that's all!"

I smile. Now that, that is profound! "Really?" I grin.

"Yeah," he mumbles.

* * *

Our beverages and the plate arrive. Our waitress only carries our order - the plate in one hand, and a tray with our water in the other - which should speak for how crazy big this plate is! It's stacked full to the brim with spicy chicken wings, fries, onion rings, mozzarella sticks plus two large hot dogs. All served with three different kinds of sauces.

"Enjoy!" I say, before I help myself. Mmh, the chicken is sooo good! Because of its spice I dip it into the whitish sauce, which should be sour cream.

"Mmh, enjoy," Bakura repeats with his mouth full. "Mmmm!" he makes.

I grin. I rarely see him eating this fast or this much.

There's no conversation for the next couple minutes, or maybe it's ten or fifteen minutes, I can't tell. Who cares? I'm friggin happy! This is the best day yet. Yeah, Bakura got angry a few times and yelled at me, but he came up and apologized and I could hug him and now he told me he never got to like somebody as fast as me! Gaawd, I just wanna hug him again!

So the girls at The White Snake were right. That's why they are teasing me all the time. I still can't imagine how Bakura got friends with Zorc; I mean I cannot imagine how freakishly slow that must have been. I thought _our_ development was super slow! But apparently it is fast, at least for Bakura's standards.

Then again, how did he got friends with 'K.' and the ones before him? Doesn't seem like he takes so much time with his lovers. At the rate he takes to get closer to me, he'd need years before he would be willing to sleep with me. So what gives?

Weird. But that's alright. I uncovered another mystery about him. I'll uncover more.

* * *

As our plate gets emptier and our bellies full, I look up and ask Bakura: "So you're saying you just like me, and you're not attracted to me?"

He nods, chewing, not looking up.

I let my chicken bone sink and stare at him. "Yeah?"

He glances up. "Yeah."

Hmpf. I toss the bone to the other ones at the edge of the plate and wipe my hand with one of the countless napkins. Then I lean back and throw my hands up, stretching my arms, until my shoulder makes that cracking sound. "Mhh!" I look away, somewhere into the room, but can see him glancing again in the corner of my eye. "Ugh, I'm getting full." I lift my shirt to scratch my stomach and throw my eyes at Bakura, who's quickly looking back down at the fries.

"Yup, the plate's a bit too big for the two of us," he murmurs.

I grin, but he doesn't look back up. Dammit. I admit it, I suck at this. No idea how flirting works. Guess the other person has to participate in it, too.

Bakura licks his fingertips, then leans back, sighing.

I prop my elbow on the table and lean my head on my palm, while chewing on my last fry. "We can take the rest with us, for later."

"Yeah." He looks at me. Not grinning, not angry, nothing. Maybe sad, I can't tell. "There's one thing though that makes me hate you again," he suddenly says.

"Hm?" I gulp.

There, his eyebrows are back at their usual position, his lips crunched up in anger. He leans forward, slowly putting his fists on the wood. "Why purple?" he hisses.

"Purple?"

"The bed sheets. You changed them. Never asked you for that!"

Oh, right. "Um, cause the old ones were dirty. You gotta change them sometime."

"But it's _my_ fucking bed!" he yells. " _I_ sleep in it, not you!"

I look to the side. Right, I totally did not sleep in your bed last week, nope. "Yeah, but I sit on it quite regularly."

"So what? There's a comforter between your ass and the sheets!"

"Which is also dirty. I would have-"

"And on top of it is a cover! Marik, you can't just-"

"I would have changed the comforter covers too, if I had fresh ones!"

"Marik!" He tries to control his anger, but it comes out as short huffs and snorts out of him. At least he's not yelling loudly at me.

I look down. "I'm sorry."

"You always say that and then you do it again," Bakura sighs.

"I know."

He leans back again and crosses his arms before his chest, looking to his side. "Just... Tell me, if you want to change something."

I look up.

"Don't just do it." He sighs. "Didn't mean to yell at you."

I frown. "I'm sure I told you a few times to change your bed stuff."

He frowns back. "Where do you have those purple sheets from anyways?"

"From the storage room upstairs."

"Tss. Purple."

I shrug.

"Just like that new sweater." He grins. "You like purple now? How fitting."

"Why? Yes, I do think it's a nice color."

"It's a gay color."

"Well, I am gay."

He stares at me.

"What's your favorite color?" I ask.

"Uh... Grey."

I furrow my brows. "Really?"

He shrugs. "Don't know. Green maybe? I'm not spending my days thinking about which color I like best." He rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, you rather spend your days playing the same video game over and over again," I reply.

He growls.

I pick another fry from the plate, just to have something to chew on.

"Since when are you spending your non existent money on clothes anyway?" he asks.

"Says Mr. I-have-a-new-shirt-every-day," I counter.

"Eh," he makes. "You have no idea. Though you're right, it's your money." He raises his eyebrows and looks to the side. "Your loss."

"So you're saying the sweater doesn't look good on me? Pff, you just can't bear to look at my gorgeous abs!"

"You should save your money," he says, having a serious tone in his voice all of a sudden. "Then you can pay Akefia and leave earlier."

I gulp and stare at him. You want me to leave early? "Why would you say that?"

"Don't you want to leave?"

I shrug and look down. "No." Saving my money to leave a month or two earlier? Hell, no. It wouldn't make much of a difference anyways.

"I'm saving my money."

"You are?" I look back at him. "For what?"

"For a car."

"Why a car?"

"So I can drive away from here."

Away from the beatings and hatred from your heartless father. I understand that. "Where would you go?"

"Doesn't matter," he murmurs. "Just away."

I can picture this. Bakura packing his few things, some clothes and a favorite book or two, then heading to the South. Or North? No, West. Just because there's so much West to go to. I would sleep during the hot months of the year on the passenger's seat, while he would drive us through the deserts of Texas and Arizona. At nights, we would stay at some motel and share a room with one bed, cause it's cheaper. Where's our final destination? There's none.

"How much have you saved so far?" I ask.

He grins. "I had a grand. But it vanished."

I blink. "Someone stole your money?"

He let's out a chuckle. "Yeah, you moron. You."

I blink more. "Huh? But... What? But I would never-" Then it dawns on me. "Ohhh! You mean, you're spending money on me!"

"D'uh!" he makes and chuckles more. "You're an idiot sometimes. No, wait. You're an idiot most of the time. But sometimes you double your effort."

I growl at that.

Our waitress passes by and Bakura lifts his hand. "Miss? Miss, would you please wrap up the rest? We wanna pay."

She nods and says she'll be back.

* * *

"It would be fun to drive around in Europe," I say, as we leave the restaurant.

"Why Europe?" Bakura asks, fumbling with his coat.

"Why not? It's beautiful there, a whole different culture! So many different countries and foods and buildings to try and see!"

"Mmh." He found his cigarettes and lights one up.

I frown. "It still doesn't add up. 250 a year, that's... Uh, I don't know, less than $25 a month. All those cigarettes you smoke must cost more!"

He growls. "I only smoke three boxes a month." He takes a big drag and starts walking.

"Three?" I catch up to him. "That's five dollar a box, so fifteen every month, so you only got maybe five dollar left for all the rest?!" Not to mention how unhealthy so much nicotine must be!

He sighs. "Yeah, whatever, shut up."

"But that can't be! The food today already was twenty bucks!"

"Eh, see? That's why I'm getting poorer and poorer."

"Oh, so you're taking the money from your saved money? The one for your car? Oi, Bakura!"

"Mh, it's okay."

"No, it's not!" I stand still.

He turns around and moans. "God, Marik! Just stop thinking about it. I was not meant to get away from here anyways, I'm not surprised."

I go to him and we continue walking. "No. We'll stop going out, unless I am paying. And you'll save the money for your car."

He smiles and takes another drag.

* * *

Bakura has a lighter mood coming back from 'The31' then going to it and I gotta say that that's probably my doing. I try to convince him to stop spending money on me, while he just grins and doesn't reply, which in return makes me only more persistent.

And it still doesn't add up! Not only does he have a few new sweaters or pants every other week, but he also smokes so much, goes out with me or buys pizza, has to buy school supplies, buys beer... How? I had a bank account on which I got my thirty bucks every week and it would barely be enough for all this! I too bought clothes and stuff from Amazon now and then, got sweets and snacks on my way from school to home and my money was gone soon.

Huh. Thirty dollar a week sound so much now. That's a hundred and twenty every month. That is a big difference to Bakura's $20 every month.

So... how?

It's no use to push him though, he just keeps grinning and chuckling at me. Idiot. Have you any idea how cute you look while laughing?

Back home in his room, we undress. I put the leftovers into the fridge. He sits down to play PlayStation.

"What about that book you oughta read?" I ask, lying down on his bed.

"Book?"

"Yeah. For school. Countess of... something, or something like that."

"Mh. Gotta copy from the others."

"But you didn't even read it, did you?" I ask loudly. "I mean, you will discuss it for a longer time in class, won't you?" I'm no stranger to missing homework, despite my reputation as an A student. I too had to skip homework a few times, simply because it was too much or because of an more important exam. But I always felt bad and did it as soon as I could, even if I couldn't hand it in no longer. Plus, I would have lost out on the continuing homework. This is especially true while discussing a book in English class.

Bakura sighs loudly. "Yeah, I guess I'll have to sit it out."

I sit up. "The whole book?"

"Yes, the whole book."

"But it could go on for a while! You may write an exam about it!"

"If we will, I'll read it. Maybe."

"Bakura."

"Shut up, Mom."

I growl and lie back down. "No wonder you got bad grades."

"That's not the reason, but whatever," he grumbles.

"That's the exact reason!"

"Shut up."

I'll try something else. "Who knows, maybe the book is good? It kinda looked like it could be like 'Game of Thrones' or something."

"'Game of Thrones'?" he chuckles.

"Yeah. I've never seen it, but there's lots of sex and violence, right?"

Bakura's virtual car crashes and he loses the game. He turns around to me. "You've never seen 'Game of Thrones'?" he asks slowly, eyes opened wide.

I roll mine. I always get that reaction when I tell somebody this. "Yeah. I'll watch it some day. But, listen...!"

He turns back to the screen and starts a new round. "I don't need to read a book about sex and violence," he mumbles. "I've had enough of sex and violence in this week for a life time."

I prick up my ears. "What was that?"

"Nothing."

He had enough sex and violence during Spring Break with 'K'? I'm getting sick. Instantly, I imagine Bakura tied up to a bed, while 'K' whips him, hitting sensitive parts of his body, making him whimper. How cruel.

"Does 'K' hurt you during sex?" I ask, huffing.

"Stop talking about him," Bakura hisses.

"Okay."

Poor baby. Stupid 'K' hurt him too much and didn't stop whipping the whip while Bakura said the safe word over and over again. Or something like that. I didn't notice any marks on his body though, no bruises or cuts.

"Great, now you made me think about him again," Bakura mumbles.

"Sorry." I get up and sit down next to him. No, no bruises, his skin looks good.

"Here, stop staring and race me." He hands me the second controller and exits his game, to start one with me.

We don't talk during the race, except for a few grunts when crashing. As always, he wins and I'm third place, after some AI car.

"Phew, I'll never beat you," I moan.

He grins at me. "Heh. You know what? You forgot to change your own sheets."

"Hm?" He pats the mattress we're sitting on. "Oh," I say, "right. Hm, I'll wash the ones upstairs and change them then, no biggie."

"Another round?" Bakura asks.

I nod. "It's ten before six though, so last one."

"Fine."

We race, we crash, he wins. He arrived at the goal line long before me and watches me trying to catch up with the third place. He leans to the side, putting his head against mine, since my shoulder is too far down. I nearly crash again. I still can't beat the AI and end up on forth place.

I let my hands sink down on my lap and don't move. Bakura is breathing quietly next to me.

"The new sheets do feel good, I gotta admit that," he whispers.

I smile. "See."

"I don't mind new sheets, I mind you not respecting my boundaries."

I nod slightly. "Alright. I'll ask next time."

"Thanks."

"But you'll say no either way."

He sits up and looks at me. "Then you gotta respect that, too."

And suddenly, I realize something. I'm like Dad. Trying to control other people. Trying to make them do what I want them to do. But that's not right. You can't control people. They got their own lives and the right to do whatever they want to do. Even if they refuse to change their filthy bed sheets.

"Okay," I say silently. "I'm sorry. Won't happen again." I look at my hands.

Bakura smiles at me. "It's no big crime."

I nod. It isn't. But that's where it starts. First I'm changing Bakura's sheets and before I know it, I am locking him into his room to protect him from the bad bad world outside. Nah, okay, not my really thought pattern. But something similar could happen. So I gotta stop now! Uh, that's kinda control thinking again, isn't it? I can't control my thoughts, or should I? Ahhh, that's so confusing!

* * *

Bakura takes his cigarettes and goes up to the roof. I change into my working clothes and go downstairs.

Have I always been like this? Have I tried to control other people before? I can't remember ever trying to make Ishizu or Rishid do something, let alone Dad. But that's because _he's_ the one trying to control us, so the role was already fulfilled.

Have I ever tried to control someone else besides Bakura? But no, I don't really had friends before coming here, so I didn't had the chance. Ugh, I'm despicable. Just because I like him, I don't have the right to make changes in his room. Him being in my room already felt weird, how must he feel all this time!

It is six, but as always there aren't any customers yet. The music is already playing loud and fast, which is unusual. On the main stage are two girls I haven't seen before, both brunettes. Akefia sits at the very front watching them with crossed arms. Oh, auditions? We'll get new girls, that's cool.

I walk to the DJ, who's nodding his head while watching the performances. "New girls, eh?" I say to him.

"Yeah," he replies, not taking his eyes off the stage.

I pout, then smile and nod. I stare a bit at him, which is probably weird. He never even glaces at me, so I move away. Okay, I tried.

Mai makes me wash up glasses, there are even some from yesterday, so they stick and are harder to clean. Which gives me more time to think about the control thing. I don't want to end up like Dad. Mahad makes me help with the cooking, then I buy cigarettes for the girls and clean up their room.

The two newbies seem to have passed, because they hang around in the girl's room, chatting to every girl who has a break. They also already get up on stage on their first day. The bigger one of the two calls herself 'Coca Cola' and the other chose 'Rebecka' as her stage name. Sadly, I don't have the time to welcome them properly.

* * *

In my break I hurry upstairs, because I want to watch my Spanish soap. Bakura is in his bed, watching something on his laptop. I sit down on my mattress and turn on the TV.

Oh. I barged in without knocking again.

"Ugh, you wanna watch TV? It doesn't work, stupid," he says, stopping his show.

"Um, yeah, no, one channel works." The TV is on PlayStation mode, so I switch it to the TV mode.

"Yeah, that Italian one."

"Yup." I'm already on the right channel and sit back down. I kinda feel bad about not knocking but hey, I stopped doing that a long time ago. No need to cause an issue, if Bakura hasn't got any issue with it, right?

The soap is starting. Colorful music over the faces of the twelve most important characters, a short recap of the last nights episode.

"What the fuck is this?" chuckles Bakura from his bed.

"It's thrilling, don't judge me!"

"It's an Italian soap, you don't even understand what they are saying, are you?"

"Shh!"

Bakura chuckles more and gets off the bed. He leaves the room. I hear him opening his cupboard. He comes back with an apple and sits down next to me. We watch how the mother of the twins yells at them for... doing something, then they cut to the affair of that one girl with her boss. She's married or engaged though and her husband or fiance is a damn handsome guy.

"What a stupid show," Bakura mumbles.

"Shh! And don't chew so loud!"

He bites into his apple. "'Shh' yourself. You don't understand them either, do you?"

"No, but maybe I'll learn something!"

"If you want to visit Europe, you better should. You-"

I poke his side and he stops talking. Well, he's not wrong. I was learning German! Right, I could pick that up actually, if Bakura would let me surf on his laptop.  
He's loud, chewing and smacking. I have to smile though. How cute he is, coming over and keeping me company. Yup, you do like me, I can tell.

"I don't get why the mother is angry for," I say.

"Hmm, I guess the kids said something nasty at the breakfast table."

"Oh, that could be it."

"Dunno."

"It's Italian? Not Spanish?"

"I study Spanish, so no, it's not Spanish."

"But how do you know it's Italian?"

"Sounds like it."

"Maybe it's Portuguese."

"Nah." He finished his apple and gets up to throw it away in the kitchen. He comes back and leans his head against mine until the episode is over. Then I have to go back to work. "See you," Bakura mumbles and climbs back under his covers and puts on his headphones.

I grin at him and go downstairs.

* * *

I get the chance to talk to the new girls. One of them is called Amanda, the other is Aylin. I can't tell which one was 'Coca Cola' and which one was 'Rebecka' though. They do look similar, but they didn't know each other before today. They seem alright, even though Amanda freaks me out a bit. She often keeps staring a few seconds at you before replying, which is weird, but whatever.

More washing up, more cooking, more cleaning up. I'm tired at the end of the day.

Upstairs, I knock at Bakura's door but there's no answer. Uh, shall I just go in? Dammit, why are you away tonight, now that I have second thoughts about my behavior! In the end I try the handle and it's not locked. Weird. There's a piece of paper on my mattress, saying ' _Come to the roof We have to talk_ '

Huh?! That's Bakura's handwriting, right? I saw it while helping him with his homework. Or is it maybe Kefia? But no, why would he leave it here. But then again, if he found out that I'm sleeping in Bakura's room every night now, he would surely leave it here, to show me that he's in the clear!

I leave Bakura's room via window and look up. No one to be seen. "Bakura?" I try. It's cold. I wanna be in my bed.

Bakura's head pops out behind above. "Yeah! Just come up!"

"Okay!" Phew. Not Akefia. Still, what's up? Why would he want to meet me up here? What's there to talk about? Sounds serious. "What's up?" I ask loudly.

"Just come up!"

I go up the fire escape, which rattles a bit. Bakura watches me and I look back now and then. He's grinning. Why?

As I reach the last floor and pass the window to my room, I notice a movement above me. Hm, what-

Cold fluid hits my head, wetting my hair and running down my ears and cheeks. _What?!_ For a second I stand still, surprised. Then I jump aside and look up. "What the fuck?! Bakura, what-"

Above me, Bakura bursts out in laughter. "It's called revenge, Marik!"

It smells. It's beer! I wipe my face and rush upstairs, growling. "What the fuck, Bakura!" It descends into my clothes and runs down my chest. "Ew! Bakura, that's so nasty!" Some of it gets into my mouth and I spit it out. Bakura never stops laughing, but tries to wet me more. I reach the roof and grab the beer bottle out of his hands. "That's so disgusting! Have you any idea how disgusting this is?!"

He steps back and holds his hand before his mouth. "Pfff, not as disgusting as it is funny!"

In my anger I throw the bottle to the ground, where it shatters.

"Hey, watch out!" Bakura goes back more.

Okay, that was useless, but argh...! I wipe my hair and shiver. "Ughh, Bakura!" A very mean drop lingers on my shoulder, tickling me, before it finally decides to roll down my back. "Eww, Bakura, why did you do this to me!" I wipe and wipe, but my hair sticks to my face.

His laughter fades off into chuckles. "Because happy April Fools Day, Marik!" he grins, putting his hands proudly on his hips.

"No, it's not, it's after midnight," I grunt, still wiping.

"Doesn't matter." He sticks his tongue out to me. "Had to get my revenge!" His grin is back. "Sweet, smelly revenge!" He passes me, but I grab his arm before he can reach the exit. "Hey!"

I glare at him.

"What?" Panic lights up in his eyes. "What are you- Oh no." I grin at him. "No, you won't-"

I pull him into a hug and press his face into my neck, where most of the beer has passed through. "Here, taste your revenge!" I say.

"Mhmarik!" he protests, pushing himself off of me.

We stare at each other. I am holding his arms, while he is holding my shoulders.

Gawd, he's so hot. Even now, that I am terribly pissed at him and feel sticky and am tired of this way too long day, I just wanna kiss him. He breathes quicker; his hair messed up, his nose wet from the moist on my neck. "Let me go," he mumbles, while staring at me.

I let go off him and wipe my forehead. Do you feel the same? Wanna kiss me too? Or what's your staring supposed to mean? He sighs and wipes his nose with the back of his hand. "Fine, we're even now," I say.

"Mh, I'd say we're not," he replies.

I frown. "Why?"

"You made me smell of beer too."

"Tss, so what? Collateral damage, I'd say!" We head back downstairs. One of my hands is wet and sticky, so I don't touch the railing. "Eugh, I need to shower now! Thank you very much, Bakura!"

He laughs. "You're welcome. But! I only smell of beer because you pressed my face in your neck!"

"You've had it coming!"

"That's no excuse!"

* * *

We agree that I'll shower first. I leave my jacket on my bed. It is wet too, I have to wash it too! The other clothes I don't mind, but this one will need a long time before it's dry and I can wear it again!

After my shower I feel a whole lot better. But still tired. I put on my pajama pants and rub my head with a towel in Bakura's room, while he is showering. The washing instructions on the jacket's label say that it can only be washed on a very low degree and only by hand.

"Still mad?" Bakura comes into the room, a towel around his hips.

I shake my head. "No. Just the jacket will need a long time to be wearable again."

"Oh." Bakura sits down next to me on his bed. I glance down every time his towel moves. "Haven't thought of that."

I pout. "Yeah, why didn't you. I don't mind your prank, but I need something to wear before it gets a bit warmer!" I point my chin to his wardrobe. "I suppose you don't have another jacket you don't need in there?"

Bakura dries his hair with a towel. "Mhh, no."

I sigh. "Damn."

He puts the towel around his neck and looks up. "Mh, you could wear mine as long as I don't need it."

I tilt my head and frown. "What? How? You'll need it to go to school and back or go out at nights."

He shrugs. "Actually, I could wear a different one."

I blink. "So you have more coats? I can wear a different one, I don't mind."

"Don't think so," he replies. "It's pretty tight around the arms, don't think you can fit in it." Huh? He grabs my naked arm and squeezes my biceps. "You don't fit in there, not with," he looks up into my eyes, "those..." he gulps, "those arms of yours." He let's go off me and stands up. "Um, you can try it on though of course," he mumbles. He opens his wardrobe and searches around on the hangers.

I grin. What was that? You like my muscles? Heh. I can put them around you, if you like. "Okay, give it to me," I say.

He chuckles. "What? Ah, you mean the jacket..."

"I mean whatever you want me to mean."

"Quit joking. Here." He turns around, throwing the jacket on my lap.

I get up and put it on in front of the mirror, while Bakura sits down and puts on clothing. I glance through the mirror to him, but don't catch anything, because he uses the towel as visual shield. "You're right," I say, as I try to push my arm through one sleeve. "Can't get my arm inside."

Bakura stays in shorts and shirt and gets under his covers. "See? It's very tight."

"Yeah." I slide out of the sleeve again. "You fit into these?" I hold the jacket in front of me and imagine him inside it. The look would fit him absolutely. Black and tight with pockets; yup, that's a Bakura jacket.

"Yes."

I put it back onto the only empty hanger in Bakura's wardrobe, before I notice that I have again touched something without his permission. Bakura doesn't seem to mind though, so I don't mention it. I turn off the table lamp, crawl into my bed and rub my hair some more. "So, you're, um, giving me your coat?"

"Lending it."

"Thanks."

"Don't stain it, don't sweat in it and don't let it touch the ground, okay? It's hard to clean it. I'm lucky it didn't got involved in your beer hug."

"Alright."

"Good."

I put my towel aside, and lie down. Phew, what a day.

"Just so you know," he says. "We're not even."

I laugh. "Hell yeah, we are!"

"Nope."

"Tss." Whatever. I let today's happening pass through my head. "You know what I noticed?"

"That life is meaningless and insignificant?"

"What? No." I glance up to him. "What are you talking about? No." Sometimes I can't tell if he's being sarcastic or ironic or not. "I noticed that I am a bit like my Dad."

"Woah, really? You're a bit like someone you share 50% of your DNA? Oh, my, god!"

I growl. "Listen!"

"I'm listening."

I take a breath, then continue: "That bit about me trying to make you change bed sheets and just coming into your room like that, that's just like my Dad acts. He was controlling our every step. We had to be at home as soon as school was over. There were no sleeping overs or birthday parties for us."

"Yeah, you told me about that," Bakura says. "I guess everybody is a bit like their Dad. Look at me, I'm just as angry as he is. I hate it. I try my best to be different but I can't ever shake him off completely."

I nod. "Mm, yes, it's terrible. I don't wanna be like him."

"Then don't. The important thing is you realized it soon enough. So now you can work on it."

I sigh. "But how can I be like him? I hate this part of him! I hate him for locking me up for so many years! I feel like a retard, completely shut off to the world! I've never been to the cinema because of him! How can I do the same thing while hating it so much!" I let out a sob.

Bakura turns around to face me. I look up. "You learned that kind of behavior off of him. I know it sucks. It's involuntary, isn't it? It just happens." I nod strongly. "So, you gotta unlearn it. When you notice that you're trying to control something or someone, stop and let them, even if it feels weird. That's the only way to unlearn it. Do it often enough, and you'll won't do it automatically any longer."

"Sounds good. Thanks."

He smiles at me. "You're welcome."

"Tell me if I'm being like this again, yeah?"

"Sure."

"I'm gonna knock at your door from now on."

Bakura laughs and rolls back onto his back. "Pff, no need for that, stupid! Knocking and asking for permission annoys me more."

"Mm, okay, I'm gonna just burst into your room then and into the bathroom too!"

He laughs more. "Yeah, good luck with that! It's usually locked, you moron!" He rolls back to the side and we grin at each other. "Your cinema visit can be solved easily though. How much do you have saved for that?"

"Mh, just $5 so far," I mumble.

Bakura sticks out his tongue. "Better swing your ass for old Gus!"

I pout. "Yeah, yeah."

"Or you let _me_ pay for it."

I lean up on my elbow. "No! _I'm_ paying, just wait!"

He grins more. "Kay, I'm waiting."

I huff and lie back down. "I'm paying."

"Good night, Mister five dollar."

"Good night, Bakura."

* * *

 **A/N: Super long chapter, hoped you liked it!**


	36. Day 103: Harley II

**Day 103**

* * *

 _4/3/2016 - Sunday_

* * *

At six I go down to work and spot Akefia, Mai and Harley sitting in one of the booths in the main room, talking. Harley looks frightened, but maybe she's just acting. Seriously, I am so confused because of her now. I thought I was good at judging people, but mabye I'm not? I too thought well of Anzu at first. Though she's not that bad as the other's make her to be. Argh, I don't know what to think anymore! Maybe it's just cause they're girls.

After the club gets fuller and the girls start dancing on the stages and laps, I go into the girl's bathroom to clean. Huh? Someone is sobbing in here.

"Hey," I say, and knock at the bathroom stall. The sobbing stops. "Are you okay?"

"No," she whimpers. Harley.

It's actually stupid to ask someone if they're okay when they're clearly crying. "Um, can I help you? Somehow?"

The door clicks open. Hm, alright. I go in. Harley is sitting on the toilet - thankfully dressed - dabbing her face with a piece of toilet paper. "I don't want to work here anymore," she says, looking up at me.

"Why?" I ask, even though I can imagine why. The accusations of stealing, Akefia talking with her, surely giving her a warning...

"Everybody thinks I'm a thief!" she bursts out and continues sobbing into her hands. "I never stole a thing in my life!"

"Oh." I reach down and pat her shoulder. "Well, I am sure the others understand that it was just a misunderstanding."

"No, they dooohoon't!" she wails.

This is uncomfortable. I feel sorry for her and crouch down. "Hey," I say softly and put my hands on her shoulders. "It will be fine, trust me. Soon, it will be all forgotten."

She looks at me between her fingers and lets out a whimper. Gosh, girls sure are noisy. I wished she could give Bakura some of that. "Okay," Harley says and straightens up. I smile at her and stand up. She grabs my hands and looks up. "Thanks," she mumbles, squeezing my hands.

"You're welcome."

And then, she asks something really uncomfortable: "Hm, say, Marik... Do you have a girlfriend?"

I pull my hands out of hers. "Um, I'm gay. Sorry."

She stares at me and blinks. "Oh. Oh, okay."

"Yeah," I chuckle and scratch my head. Somehow that had sounded like an excuse.

"Um, okay," she mumbles and looks down. "Uh, I- I..." She stands up. "I should better," She squeezes past me and steps out of the stall, "get going."

"Yep, me too," I sigh, following her out of the bathroom. She doesn't speak to me anymore this evening.

 _That_ is the most annoying thing about girls asking you out. I don't feel bad when I 'hurt' them for being gay, because it's not something I do on purpose. Them acting like it's the most uncomfortable situation ever makes me feel bad. As if our whole relationship suddenly changed. Nope, it didn't. Don't look at me as if I'm suddenly an alien from outer space! I'm still the same person, just gay. Stop making a big deal out of it.

* * *

 **A/N: Hello! I am sorry for having you kept waiting, but I felt like I needed to take a break from this story. It is not going into the direction I wanted; I am very unhappy with it. (Which is kinda strange from the author to hear I guess?) So I'm in the process of rewriting it. I'm gonna post the last few chapters I have already written, but I will not finish writing it. - Instead you'll (hopefully soon) see 'Learning to give up 2' popping up here on ffnet.**


	37. Day 104: Ishizu's BDay Part I

**Day 104**

* * *

 _4/4/2016 - Monday - Ishizu's Birthday_

* * *

 **PART I**

* * *

It's my sister's Birthday today!

Also today is the NCAA championship game, which is uh basketball...? Vanessa, my Tumblr friend has cards for two good seats but I told her I can't today. Because I'm meeting Ishizu and Rishid! Hahh, I'm so excited! Even more so, because I'll be seeing Rishid today for the first time since I ran away from home!

Bakura is mumbling in his sleep. It's noon and he hasn't been to school. Spring Break is over, isn't it? Still, he's here, drooling on his pillow. Aw, cute.

I shower, grab Ishizu's present and get dressed because in an hour I'm meeting Rishid and Ishizu in the city!

It's cloudy today. I put on Bakura's coat, since mine is not dry yet. This feels weird but strangely, also comfy. He trusts me so much as to lend me his coat! Okay, maybe not that much of a trust proof. It's just a coat. But it smells like him, heh.

I exit through the window, then rush down and fold the coat's collar up. Only when I'm on the ground I put my hands in the pockets and find cigarettes and a lighter in them. Damn it, Bakura _always_ forgets those in the coat! They don't fit into the pockets of the jacket he wears now. I'm too lazy to go back upstairs. And also if I take them with me, Bakura might refrain from smoking until I come back.

It sure is warm though in his coat. I walk to the 'rich boulevard' and am ten minutes too early. I can't wait to see my family again!

Ishizu has picked Rishid up and will park near the boulevard. I didn't even know that she has a car or that she took driving lessons. Must be Seto who payed for all that. I wished I knew where they'll park but since I don't, I sit down a one of the benches in the middle of the boulevard, put Ishizu's present next to me and observe the people passing.

Finally, I see my siblings arrive. They turn their heads, searching for me. I jump up and wave. "Hey! Rishid! Ishizu!"

"There he is!" I hear Ishizu say. She points to me.

We meet halfway. Well, kinda. I'm more running then going and fall into Rishid's arms before he can fully open them. I don't know why, but suddenly there are tears in my eyes. I never thought I could miss my brother so much! I start sobbing a bit and he strokes my back. "Good to see you too," he chuckles. Ah, how I missed his voice!

When I pull back and wipe my tears, I see Ishizu smiling at me. "Aw, Marik." She wears her hair in a braid today that hangs over one ear and one shoulder.

I chuckle embarrassed, then step to her to hug her too. "Happy birthday, Ishizu! I missed you!"

"I missed you too," she replies.

We pull back. "I got you a- oh!" Fuck! "I got you a present!" I say and turn around. "I forgot it, it's on the bench!" I run to it and my siblings follow. Luckily, it's still there. "Phew!" I turn to Ishizu. "Here."

"Oh Marik, you didn't had to." She takes the poorly wrapped box.

"Sorry about the christmas wrapping," I say. That's all I could find in the storage room: Green paper with Jesus Christ on it.

"I don't mind that," Ishizu laughs. "I'll open it when we sit down."

Rishid leans closer to take a better look at it. "Jesus paper," he comments.

I let out a snort. "Where do we wanna go? The same cafe as last time?"

"What about that ice cream parlor?" Rishid points to it. It's in the corner of the street and seems full.

Ishizu frowns. "Mh, I'd rather have breakfast now, to be honest."

"They have waffles!" I reply. I always wanted to try those.

"Alright, that sounds good."

It's the first birthday that we're celebrating outside of our home. I'm sure Ishizu had been having gatherings with her school friends after school, but those had to be quick and in secret. We never got to have a party or a sleep over at our home.

* * *

We walk over. God, it feels so good to walk next to my siblings, I didn't know how much I missed that! Ishizu keeps shaking her present. The box I which I put the thermos in is way too big, but it was the only one that didn't had sticky labels or holes. Ahh, my family is so pretty and smart! I love them so much. Ishizu looks very beautiful today and Rishid looks just like your typical IT guy: baggy jeans plus sweater. His baldness has progressed, while his hair got longer. That's not actually looking good to be honest.

We chose to sit inside the ice cream shop. Ishizu leaves us to use the bathroom and Rishid pulls out a card.

"Here, write your name under it," he says, giving me a pen.

"Mhm!" I do that, then look at the card: A basket full of kittens, below the text 'Happy Birthday' in rainbow colors. I chuckle. Bakura would give me the nastiest look if I'd hand him such a card.

A waiter comes and we tell him that our sister has birthday to which he suggests a small cake accompanied by a song. We agree, then hush him away, because Ishizu is returning.

She doesn't seem to have noticed him and sighs as she sits down. "Has the waitress come yet?"

"No," Rishid replies.

I grab one of the menus lying there and open it. "Hmm, I could go for waffles as well." Oh, right. I look up and add: "But one of us has to pay for me, I only got five bucks."

Rishid and Ishizu laugh. "No worries, I'm paying today," Rishid says. "You two can order whatever you want." He grabs the other menu and he and Ishizu take a look as well.

"I can pay for myself," Ishizu replies.

"Not today, dear sister, you won't."

Ishizu tilts her head and smiles at him. "Alright."

I grin at them.

Someone behind me clears their throat. Rishid and Ishizu look up from their card and I turn around. One empoyee carries a small chocolate cake with a candle on it and another one lights it up. She looks at us and takes an exeggerated breath. "One, two, three...!"

We start singing "Happy Birthday to you...!" and Ishizu laughs, then rolls her eyes in embarrassement. The people at the tables near us watch us. One older man sings along and the infant at the table next to us claps her hands and laughs.

"Only one more year to adulthood!" Rishid comments. Right, Ishizu's twenty years old now. It's a bit weird. She seems so more mature already.

The employee puts the cake in front of her. Ishizu blows out the candle. We finish singing, then one waitress goes to the back while the other stays. "Would you like to order now? Or later?" he asks, already being on his toes. He understandebly assumes that we might need a moment to ourselves for a bit.

"No, it's alright, we can order, right?" Ishizu opens the menu again.

She and me order waffles and drinks, while Rishid only takes a coffee.

As the waiter walks off, Rishid takes out the card and a small envelope and hands both to Ishizu. "Here."

I push my box over the table to her as well.

"Aw, thank you guys." Ishizu first takes the card and turns it around. "Cute." She opens it and reads the pre-written 'All The Best Wishes' message with our names under it. I would have written more, but Rishid had alread put his name pretty close under the text so there wasn't really enough space for more words.

"Now I'm gonna open this one first," she says and takes my box. "Can't stand not to know what's rattling inside!" We laugh. She tears off a corner, trying to destroy as little as possible of the Jesus paper. She opens the box and takes out the thermos flask. "Aw, that's a really thoughful present. Thank you, Marik."

"You're welcome!" I stand up and lean down to her for a hug and a kiss.

"This comes in handy," she says.

"Yes, good idea giving our coffe addicted sister a thermos flask," Rishid comments. "I can picture our next meeting already." He lifts his hand and shakes it excessively.

"Stop it!" Ishizu gives him a soft hit on the shoulder.

I laugh. "Hah, you're just jealous because my present was thoughful and useful! Let's see what you've got!"

Rishid gives me a look. Ishizu puts the flask down and grabs the envelope. "Surely not another thermos," she jokes. No, it is a coupon for her favorite jewerly shop. She smiles and hugs Rishid. "Thank you!"

"Fancy, but not very thoughful!" I say.

"At least it's not promoting adiction," Rishid counters.

"Aw, you two, stop it!" Ishizu laughs. "And you," she pokes Rishid's arm, "you're the one at this table who ordered coffee!"

"Aahh, you got me!"

We laugh.

Funny, Rishid has never been this way, friendly bantering with me or Ishizu. Though I wouldn't know. Most of the time in my life he was busy working. When I was little, he was taking care of me, but later when I grew old enough to keep momories, I saw less and less of him. Maybe it's the fact that he's alone with Dad and without us that made him change.

Our waffles and Rishid's coffee arrive. Mine are with blueberries and whipped cream while Ishizu's are with cherries. I wonder what Bakura's favorite fruit is.

"Where did you park?" I ask, grab the hot waffle and take my first bite. "Mmm, delicious!"

"In the car park 'round the corner." Rishid points to a direction, then takes a sip.

"Huh, what car park? Never seen one."

"It's nearby." Ishizu uses her fork and knife for the waffles. "So, how is it going at... at your workplace?"

"You can call it what is, 'Shizu," I laugh. "A strip club." Ishizu frowns to that and takes a few glances around, but nobody is watching us. "And I'm doing okay."

"How is Bakura?" she asks, a little grin on her lips.

I instantly pout. I hate that face people put on when we talk about him. Belittling me. Even with my sister it's not different. "He's..." He would say 'not good' as always, but I'm not gonna drag my siblings into this complex mind. "He's fine."

"Bakura?" Rishid looks at me, then Ishizu. She gives him a look. "Oh, _that_ guy."

I glare at my sister. "You told him?"

"What, is it a secret?" Ishizu laughs.

"Mhh, well... No. But, um I dunno..." I feel heat rising to my cheeks and take another bite of my waffle, so that I have a reason not to speak.

"Oh Marik, I just told him that you've found a friend. And... that you got clingy towards him, that's all."

Clingy. Yeah, okay, that's better than 'in love'. Rishid smiles at me. I feel the need to tell him the truth, even if he might have trouble coping with my sexuality. I gulp and take a breath. "Clingy is true, but actually, Rishid," I say, to make him look at me, "I'm... I have a crush on him." Then I look away and take another bite. 'Having a crush' sounds better than 'being in love', right?

"Haha." Rishid takes a sip of his coffee. "I had a hunch that you did that." That I have a crush on him or that I am gay, which one? "Not the first guy you got clingy about."

I pout. "Mhh. Why, I never did that..."

Both my siblings laugh. "Oh and how you did that!" Rishid says. "Already forgotten about your classmate Yuugi? You went earlier to school just so you could protect him."

Right, Yuugi. He used to got bullied by pretty much every bully in our school, because he's short and has that weird colored hair. He looks like a punk, yet he's small and shy. Huh, I really forgot about him. I hope he's doing okay without me.

"Mm, but I was never in love with Yuugi," I mumble.

"And you still got in trouble for him," Ishizu sighs.

"You sure have the right to scold me, sis, since you were such a good student, hm."

She takes a gulp of her orange juice. "That is not the topic of our discussion!"

I grin and Rishid laughs. "About school... Is it such a good idea to skip it for so long?"

I heave a big sigh. "Guys, we've talked about this enough! Yeah, I'm missing school, like literally and even actually missing going there and I'm overbearing when it comes to Bakura, but believe me, I'll be fine! I'm learning stuff there I couldn't learn in school. So," I grab my glass and put it at my lips, "stop trying to change my mind."

"It's no use, you're right," Ishizu says. "Once our Marik has found someone to protect, no one can't tear him off of him."

"Ghrr, it's not just about Bakura!" I say, almost choking on my water.

"Right, it's about Jaden as well."

"Who's that?" Rishid asks.

"Another good-looking guy."

"Ishizu!"

* * *

They ask me more about my job and I tell them about the cleaning and cooking, how demanding Mahad and how nice Mai is. Ishizu wonders about my coat and I tell her that I borrowed it from Bakura, which earns me another half-grin from her.

Next, it is Ishizu's turn to tell us about her life. She still has Spring Break from her college, but she has to write a lot of essays, so she spends half the day at home and goes out at evenings.

Rishid and I look up when she mentions this.

"Where do you go out?" I ask. Hearing her going out is interesting. I can't really tell why. She wasn't allowed to do much while she was living with Dad, so it's only natural that she would go outside as much as she can, now that it's possible.

She shrugs and looks down. "Just with Seto."

"Is he back from his work?" I grin.

"For now," she sighs. "But something else will come up, I'm sure. Always on the run." She lifts her hand and strokes the side of her glass. "But that's normal for a man in his position."

Who would've thought that a toy company has so many meetings. It's funny to imagine: A group of men and women in suits sitting around an enormous table, discussing what kind of squeeky sound their new toy should have.

"He's good to you?" Rishid asks.

Ishizu look up and nods, getting a frown on her forehead. Our sister doesn't like us to act protective around her. Rishid knows that too and nods back quickly, mumbling "good, good", then taking the last sip from his coffee.

There's more to it, I'm sure. I would have asked my sister and teased her, but her look is too sorrowful. She looks uncomfortable telling us about Seto, so I'll ask her later if I get the chance to be alone with her.

I also would like to tell Ishizu more about Bakura, especially about 'K'. I already know what she will tell me, but I still want to hear it.

But not as long as Rishid is around. It sounds mean, but he's not the one I would like to discuss my love life with.

* * *

Ishizu changes the topic and asks Rishid about Dad, which in turn makes Rishid sigh, look down and frown.

"That bad?" I chuckle.

He looks up at me and my grin fades. "Yes, it is. We're at home all the time. And always together. I told him that I need some time for myself, but he just kept knocking at my room, coming in and starting discussions." Another sigh. "It's... exhausting, to say the least. And also sad. I feel bad for going to work," he chuckles low.

I instantly feel bad about the both of them too. Dad is exhausting, there's no doubt. When Ishizu and I were still living there, we could at least divide the stress. Now, Rishid has to take it all.  
Ugh, I feel bad about Dad as well. We must sound like the worst kids in the world, always running away from our father. He's our father, goddammit! He deserves respect and love. But so do we. Still, it's not like he abused us, right? Just forbid us from going outside.

"Does he... mention us?" Ishizu asks.

Rishid laughs, but it's a sad laugh. "What do you think?"

Ishizu presses her lips together. "This makes me want to pay him a visit."

"Yeah, me too," I mumble.

Rishid's expression changes. "Don't," he says. "He needs this." We look up at him. _He_ needs this? "He has to learn that we're not always gonna be there for him. He has to spend time alone, he _needs_ to. We're the kids, not him." Rishid grabs his coffee cup and drinks what's left of it, even though the cup was empty some time ago. "Of course you have to visit him some day, but not yet. It's too early."

I put my elbow on the table and my chin on my palm. "It's been four months..."

Rishid shakes his head. "Too early."

I frown. We do sound cruel, don't we? But it's for the greater good. Dad has to suffer a bit for now, but maybe he'll snap out of it and will start living his own life instead of trying to control ours.

Why do I have the feeling that I'm the asshole then?

Ishizu finishes her waffle and pulls the cake closer. "I need some chocolate now." She takes the candle off and grabs the knife. We each get a big slice of chocolate cake.  
There's no talk, we all stare at our cake slices and chew silently. How annoying! Dad isn't even here, yet he managed to make us all feel bad.

I clear my throat and look at Rishid. "How's work?"

His eyes clear up. "Oh, work is... good." He laughs. "I doubt you'd find my work interesting."

I pout. "Why not? Tell me more."

He smiles at me. "Does 'DNS leak protection' sound interesting?"

"Nah. I mean, tell me more about your colleagues! You never told me anything about them."

He looks surprised. "My colleagues? Well, they are nice people." He laughs. "I am not sure what you would like me to tell."

"Mmhh, aren't there any mean ones, or weird ones? They can't be all nice. Somebody has to have an affair with someone else, right?"

Ishizu laughs. "Oh, Marik! That sounds more like a soap opera than anything else."

"What, why? People have private lives..." I pout.

"They surely have," Rishid smiles. "And they keep them for themselves."

How boring. Rishid really doesn't seem to have bonded much with anyone. He describes the physical appearances of some of his colleagues and how one always takes four tablespoons of sugar in her coffee. _That's_ the most interesting one that came to his mind! Kay, it's an IT company after all. Everybody's at their own desk working on their own tasks, I guess.

* * *

A bit later we go strolling around the expensive stores and look at things we cannot afford. Not Ishizu and me, at least. Though she does have Seto now, so... - Gosh, maybe Bakura is right, we kinda _are_ rich. Not super rich, but our family can afford things.

I stare at a particulary attractive mannequin wearing a purple coat for $220, when Rishid comes up to me.

"Hm, interesting color," he says.

"Yeah, but look at the price," I sigh.

He clears his throat. "Speaking of money, you know, I have an idea for you."

I look up at him. "Hm?"

"I don't know what the status of your bank account is, but I assume it's close to empty, right?"

"Hm. Actually, I don't have my card with me," I mumble. My account is still close to empty, since I was practically spending every single dollar as soon as I got it. Phew, I sure miss buying useless stuff.

"Oh," Rishid says and frowns. "I can give it to you next time we see us. Where is it?"

"You're coming?" Ishizu yells at us from some distance.

"Yeah!" I yell back. Rishid and I move. "Uh, it should be on my desk, I think. Or maybe in the drawer in my desk."

Ha. I had trouble remembering my old desk there. What's on it? No, it's not as empty as the desk in the room above Bakura, it's full of books and pens, paper and... stuff. I honestly can't tell anymore.

"Alright, I'll look for it," Rishid says. "And I'm gonna give you some pocket money from now, seeing as Dad won't do that for quite some time, hm."

"Huh, wait what?" I blink and stare up to him.

Ishizu comes towards us and points at a shop. "Look, it's Victoria's Secret! Mind if we hop in there for a while?"

I bare my teeth. "And watch you shop for underwear? Nope, I'm staying outside." I can't imagine my sister wearing bras and undies, ew, no. In my head she doesn't do that. She also doesn't kiss or has sex with Seto, nope.

Rishid chuckles and nods. "Yup, we're gonna be here."

Ishizu rolls her eyes. "Okay, see you soon." She turns and goes into the shop, while we move to the nearest bench and sit down.

"You want to give me money?" I ask Rishid.

"That's right."

"But-"

"Don't worry, I can afford it." He laughs. "What else am I supposed to do with all my money? So, how much did Dad give you actually? How much do you need in a month?"

He gave me $30 a week, which is $120 in a month. Geez, is that much. I don't need so much; I'd feel embarrassed to ask Rishid for such an amount. "Um, I don't know, you tell me. I mean," I sigh, "I don't want to take money from you, Rishid!" I look up at him. "Doesn't feel right."

"Why? I'm your older brother," he smiles. "I want to help you." Aw. We're the most peaceful family ever, aren't we?

I nod. Why stalling, when we both know I could use some money. "Alright," I reply. "What abooouut... Um, $50? Or $40?"

Rishid nods. "Okay, done. $50 a month."

Dammit, I should have asked for sixty. I smile and hug him, pushing my cheek against his chest. "Thank you!"

"You're welcome." He puts an arm around me and pats my shoulder. "You'll need to wait until I get you your card though."

"Yes."

* * *

Fifty dollar a month is still more than Bakura gets from his Dad. Though I am highly sure that he has an additional source of money. Oh. No. No, it can't be that he gets money from 'K' and other guys... or does he...? Where do those stupid thoughts come from all of a sudden!

Nope. It's not true.

I gotta ask him.

As Ishizu comes back from Victoria's Secret with a big bag and a satisfied smile, I am a bit envious. I miss the days when I could buy a ton full of candy at the kiosk next to my school. Rishid notices my pout and tells me, that it's my turn to chose a shop and that I may chose a gift for myself. Aww, don't I have the best brother ever?

His smiles drops though as I tell them I would like to get weights for lifting.

"Pff, yeah imagine that, nerd!" Ishizu grins and nudges Rishid. "Some people actually enjoy exercise."

Rishid simply chuckles.

So we walk down to the 'Sport's Palace' down the street, which takes us about fifteen minutes, but neither of us mind. Walking around _outside_ and _together_ is something we clearly enoy.

And the time passes by fast with Ishizu telling us how one of her fellow students always shows off her expensive purses and jewelry. Now she can do it too! Rishid tells her that it's probably not a good idea to show everybody her bra in the class and I wonder why Ishizu would need to justify herself, since she's the girlfriend of a billionaire.

"I'm not gonna tell random people in my classes who's girlfriend I am," Ishizu huffs. We nod. I understand, it's better to keep it a secret. Otherwise she'll only attract false friends.

In the 'Sport's Palace' we seperate, as Ishizu wants to check out the women's clothing on the second floor and Rishid wants to see the smart watches. He puts twenty dollar in my hand, asking if it's enough. I nod strongly.

Yes, money! I ask a store clerk where the weights are and he guides me to them. I buy a nice pair of metal dumb bells which weigh 25 pounds each. Hell yeah, I'm gonna get buff again and impress Bakura!

I was quick; the others are surely still browsing. I have no idea where the smart watches are, so I take the escalator and go onto the second floor.

* * *

Ishizu is in the joggers' corner, looking at some pink puma sweatpants. "Those are ugly, aren't they?" she asks me.

I shrug. "The black ones look better, yeah."

"Are you already done?"

"Yup." I lift my plastic bag and grin. "I have my weights, I'm happy."

She smiles. "I had expected you to touch every single muscle development machine in the store and give loud exeggerated sighs." She leans closer to the pink pants and strokes the fabric with her thumb.

I laugh. "Nah. I'd rather not look at things I cannot afford."

Ishizu straightens herself. "Really? You used to throw your money away with both hands! Is your account empty already? Rishid told you about giving you a bit pocket money, right? Is living at the club expensive? Don't you get food from the kitchen?"

"Uh, ye... yeah." Ishizu is talking to fast and I have to wait until she is done sputtering out her questions. "Mm, I have forgotten my bank card at home. But Rishid will bring it to me, he said."

My sister gives me a critical look. "It's empty, isn't it?"

I look up and pout. "Yeah, it is!"

"Oh well, at least you'll learn the value of money while staying there!"

I already did. "Says you, who bought a ton of bras in the most expensive lingerine store ever."

She cringles her nose. "It's Seto's money, you know."

"That's not an excuse. Wait, that's even worse!"

Ishizu breaks our eye contact. "He spends a lot of money on me," she says silently. "And puts a lot of money onto my account, telling me I can buy myself whatever I want. It's his apology for not being there, I guess."

Oh. I take a step fowards to her. "Ishizu, I-"

"It's okay. I mean, I knew that he's busy. And even if it sounds weird, I feel better when I do spend his money."

Alright, I don't understand this one.

She shrugs and smiles at me. "Whatever, he's here for now." And you still sound rather sad. "How's Bakura?"

She already asked. But now's the time I can give her a more honest answer. "He's grumpy as usual," I say. "Cause he's," I gulp and twitch my shoulders, "in love with somebody."

"Oh." Ishizu takes two of the pink sweatpants and puts them over her arm. "And it's not you, right."

I shake my head.

"But that other guy doesn't love him back?"

"Yeah. But still, he-"

"His heart is in someone else's hands, I understand," Ishizu sighs. She passes me and I follow her to the dressing rooms.

* * *

Ishizu tries on the sweatpants while I stand next to her dressing room.

"Haven't you lost your wallet?" she asks from behind the curtain.

"Yeah. So?"

"Luckily you didn't had your card in it when that happened."

"Yes."

She comes out and steps to the mirror, turning around. She doesn't look satisfied and pats her behind. "Mm."

"Looks alright," I say.

"I'm gonna buy the black ones," she replies. Ishizu goes back and tries on the same pants in a different size. Another lady steps out of her cubicle and goes to the mirror, turning sideways and around. Everybody always checks out how their asses look, heh. Well, asses _are_ important!

I remember the reason I didn't put my bank card into my purse. Dad. He always told us that it's _soo dangerous_ to take it with oneself. Guess he was right, since my wallet actually got stolen, but still. I don't want to be like him and be afraid of every single thing. I'm gonna put bank card into my purse as soon as I have it back.

Finally, Ishizu has decided on the size and color, so we go to the neirest checkout and meet Rishid on the way.

"Found everything?" he asks. Ishizu and I nod.

"Marik needs a wallet though," she says.

"Oh, I don't really need one," I reply.

"Come on, we'll get you one," Rishid chuckles.

I'm not gonna bother you with all the shops we went in afterwards. I find a few shirts and a cute purse in one of those expensive boutiques and Rishid pays for me. Ishizu says the purse looks girlish and I pinch her for that. It's not girlish! It's a purse in the shape of a pineapple!

Okay, it's girlish. So what.

* * *

Our meeting ends in the car park near the rich boulevard. I did saw the building before but never took a closer look. As we drive upstairs in the elevator, Ishizu clears her throat.

There's only one thing left to discuss and we all know what it is. Our visit to Mom's grave.

"You're going? It's a Thursday, right," Ishizu asks.

Rishid nods slowly. "With Dad. Took the day off."

Ishizu looks away and frowns. "Hm." She throws her eyes at me and smiles. "Guess we two will go then."

I nod quickly. "Yes."

It will be the first time we won't visit Mom all four together at her grave.

"I have to go to a few classes but I can be there at around noon," Ishizu tells me.

"I don't know yet when we'll go," Rishid says low. "But not noon then."

I nod. "Okay." I don't like to drive there all by myself and would prefer to meet Ishizu and go together. But her college is in a different direction; it wouldn't make much sense for her to pick me up.

We exchange looks but don't say anything. The elevator beeps and we step out.

"I can drop you off at Bakura's," Ishizu says, taking out her keys.

"Uh, I can walk, it's just ten minutes away."

"No, I'll drive you."

We approach Ishizu's car and she klicks on the key thingy. The lights of white mini cooper with black stripes flash shortly and the keys make a sound. "Wow, nice car!" I say. "Since when do you have a license?" I stroke the cold metal.

"Just got it."

"She's not a complete disaster," Rishid comments. "She actually drives pretty decent."

"Hey, watch what you're saying, or you're staying here," Ishizu counters.

We get in and fasten our seatbelts. Ishizu drives out of the car park and as far as I've seen, she's a good driver. I'm a bit sad though. She talked about taking driving lessons before christmas and how she would have to take them in secret since Dad wouldn't let her. Now she took them and I only know now about it. We don't see each other often enough.

Ishizu literally just drives out of the car park and has to stop at the end of the very next street. The White Snake is at the following street, so we're close enough. I do not want them to see the club, I am not sure why. It's still kind of like a secret. And some part of me would feel ashamed if my siblings saw the half-naked girls going outside for a smoke.

I climb out and we bid our good bies. I hug Rishid for a solid minute; Ishizu too. Then they drive off and I wave after them. Only when they are already gone, I start walking. They drove past the backyard entrance. I hope they didn't notice the club.


	38. Day 104: Ishizu's BDay Part II

**Day 104**

* * *

 _4/4/2016 - Monday - Ishizu's Birthday_

* * *

 **PART II**

* * *

It's late when I am back in Bakura's room. Four o'clock. But no work today, since it's Monday!

Bakura isn't there. I undress and put my shopping bags on the bed. I take out my shirts and the purse. Hah, it's so nice to have new clothes! I wore Bakura's for four months now, I am glad for the three shirts. And the weights. Finally I can properly train again!

The window opens and in comes a coughing Bakura, sniffling and glooming.

"Hey," I grin.

"Hey," he mumbles, clearing his throat. He comes closer, smelling like cigarettes.

"Right." I stand up and reach into the coat's pocket. "Here." He sits down and I throw the box and his lighter into his lap. "You forgot those."

"Yup. Had to buy new ones. And use match sticks." He takes the box and lighter and puts them aside. "What's this all about?" He grabs one of the shirts with both hands and hold it up. "Woah, ugly."

"Hey!" I snatch it out of his grasp. "It's not!" I look at it myself. Bright blue with a red thin stripes and red rectangles. "It's cool."

Bakura gives me a half-grin. "If you say so." He turns back to my pile and looks at the other two shirts, then pulls out the purse and starts laughing. "Seriously? A pineapple?" He turns it around to see it from every angle. "Weirdest wallet ever."

"Yeah, a pineapple," I grumble and take it away from him. "It's cool."

"If you say so!" he repeats and gets up. That's when I notice that he has something on his hair. Something grey. "Who needs wallets. Where do you got the money from? I'm gonna go shower."

"Hey, wait," I say softly and touch his shoulder.

"What?" He stops and looks at me.

"You've got ashes from your cigarette on your hair."

"Mmh." He's not looking away, but holds the eye contact. I'm still grabbing his shoulder but he doesn't seem to mind. "Get it out then," he says impatiently, since I don't move but stare into his eyes.

"Yup," I reply and lift my other hand. He still gazes at me, while I wipe away the ash crumbs out of his white hair. I forgot to breath and take a big intake of air. "There. Gone," I sigh, looking into his eyes.

"Thanks," he murmurs and leaves the proximity.

I bite my lip and watch him take off his jacket. Damn it, I should have gone in for a kiss, right? Or shouldn't I? Argh, whatever, the chance is gone!

"So what happened? Did you broke into a bank or how can you afford this junk?" He sits down to take off his shoes.

"No." I take a seat below, on my mattress. "I met Ishizu and Rishid, I told you."

"Oh yeah, right. And?"

"And Rishid is having difficulties with Dad. It's so sad! I would like to meet Dad but Rishid says we have to wait."

"What difficulties? And did your brother pay for the stuff or what?"

I tell him everything. He seems somewhat interested as he asks questions about my siblings. When I tell him about the waffles, I also ask him what his favorite fruit is. He blinks, then smiles iritated and tells me that it's strawberries. Aww. "And yours?" he asks.

"Blueberries. Or Raspberries? Mm, not sure. I like berries."

He frowns as I tell him about Ishizu's problems with her boyfriend - I avoid calling him by his first name and only mention that he's rich - and Rishid's inability to bond with his co-workers. "Should you be telling me all of this?"

I pout and glance down. "You've been asking questions. Thought it would kinda interest you."

He shakes his head. "No, I mean: Is it okay for your siblings if you tell me about their problems?"

"Hm, why not? It's not like I'm telling you about their favorite positions in bed."

He frowns more. "I don't like that."

"Why?"

"It means you're telling them about me as well, don't you."

Oh. "Not really. Just how you're feeling. If we've been fighting. Nothing really personal, you know."

"Mh."

"Really, I'm not telling anyone about anything too intimate."

"You're sure?" He stands up and goes towards the door. "I wanted to shower," he mumbles.

"Okay, I did tell Ishizu about Akefia, but I'm gonna stop!" I say and shift on my mattress towards him.

He turns around to me, still frowning. His mouth's corner are pointing downwards.

"You clearly don't like me telling her about that, so I'm not gonna do it anymore. I'm sorry."

He shrugs. "Okay, thanks. Just feels weird that somebody knows of this besides... you."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told her."

He shrugs more and nods. "It's fine." He gives me a smile and lifts his fist, pointing behind himself with his thumb. "Jus' gonna go shower, then we can grab some lunch, hm?"

I smile back. "Awesome, yes. I'm waiting!"

He holds our eye contact and smile until he turns around and leaves the room.

* * *

I'm not sure, but he seemed sad, didn't he? Probably still thinking of 'K' and whatever happened leading him to leave spring break early. He wasn't angry about me telling my siblings stuff, not really, but he didn't like it. Ugh, I should've seen that coming; of course he wouldn't like me telling other people about him.

Alright, I can put the dumbbells under Bakura's bed. There's lot of dust under here again, though I just cleaned it up last week. I wonder whether I may put the shirts in his wardrobe, since I don't really have one, just that cardboard box.

When he comes back he's as usually naked, only the towel protecting him from my curious eyes. "Where do you wanna go? Pizza or 31?" His hair looks terrible when it's wet. No order in sight, every strain just fused together looking like a big marshmallow.

"Some day I'm gonna comb you," I sigh and sit down on my mattress.

He chuckles and goes to his closet, taking out clothes to wear. "So? Where d'you wanna go?"

"Mmm, aren't there any other places? I'm tired of pizza and that pub."

"You were there twice. But okay, we can go to McDonalds or dunno. Can't afford anything more fancy, you know that."

We kinda sound like a married couple, don't we. "Yeah, right. I don't care then. You chose. Say, can I put those shirts in your closet? I also put the weights under your bed if that's okay."

He sighs and turns around, clothes between his hands. "Shirts are okay, weights not." He sits down and gives me a glare, wanting me to turn away.

Which I do. "Why not?"

He's rustling, putting on clothes. "Cause it's stupid. My room is full with crap, yours is practically empty."

It's true, but... "But I'm down here anyways, so-"

"No 'but'. It's my room, so shut up."

I growl as answer. But okay. His room, his decision. Stop being so pushy, Marik. Stop being Dad.

Though I would like to have had an excuse to exercise and show off my muscles in front of him.

* * *

We agree to look at the train station for something different to eat. There are a lot of fast food shops, Bakura says. When I tell him that I've only been to McDonalds once - on my first day here with Jaden - he's surprised. My father's strict I tell him, and he says that it's actually a good thing to avoid that kind of food.

But since we're both poor, we don't really have much of a choice.

I put on Bakura's coat and take my few dollar to put them into my new purse. To my surprise, there's already money in it. "Oh, Rishid," I mumble.

Bakura takes me to a different kind of fast food restaurant, a 'Subway'. That's the one with the sandwiches, which should be a bit healthier than Macces, I suppose. The prices are higher though.

We order each a large sub, the cheapest kind there is, each is $5.55 and sit down. I payed for my own.

I unwrap my spicy italian sub and take my first bite. "Sho we goongh to deh sheenamah shoon?" I ask.

Bakura stares at me and blinks once. "We what? Please swallow first." He frees his sub. It's a BLT: Bacon, Tomato, Lettuce.

"We can go to the cinema soon!" I repeat after gulping. "Hey, this doesn't taste bad."

"Can we? Thought you need the bank card and all."

"Rishid put some money in my purse. He must have done it after he bought it. Isn't he sweet?"

Bakura blinks and nods. "Yes, that's very... sweet." He snorts a chuckle and continues eating.

"Whgat?" I ask with my mouth full.

"Ugh Marik, I don't need to see the contents of your mouth." He shrugs. "Kind of weird to see- uh, hear of such a good relationship between brothers."

"Mm, Rishid is much older than me. He's more like a second Dad for me, you know."

"M-hm. How old is he?"

"Twentyfive."

"Hm. That's really some kind of difference."

We eat for a few minutes in silence. A couple comes into the restaurant and I watch them order food and interact with each other. On second thought, they might not be a couple, but simply friends. Weird how one always assumes that a guy and a girl are a couple, while two guys or two girls have to be friends.

"I don't get one thing," Bakura says.

I shoot my eyes at him. "Yeah?"

Bakura finishes chewing and swallows. "Why doesn't Ishizu lend you money?"

"Rishid will already do it, it's enough."

"Yeah, but she never even offered to buy the wallet or the shirts, right?"

"Mm, she doesn't have to."

"Sure, but she buys all this stuff for herself and let's Rishid buy all the stuff for you. Dunno, bit weird, isn't it?" It's the first time Bakura takes my sibling's names into his mouth.

"Hmm..." I put the last bit of my sub into my mouth and think while chewing. "Now that you're mentioning it..." I swallow. "Maybe Se- maybe her boyfriend doesn't allow her spending the money on anyone else than herself or something like that."

Bakura tilts his head and smiles. "You got me curious. What does her bf do?" He finishes his food as well.

I grin. "I can't say, I promised her."

"Why? Is he some kind of celebrity?" Bakura laughs.

"Mmm..."

"Really? Huh."

"I didn't say 'yes'!"

"But you didn't say 'no' either."

We get going. The food was good actually. And five bucks for a large sandwich isn't expensive, though we got the cheapest option available. I do feel a bit sick, I guess I ate it too quickly.

* * *

"He can't be all that great," Bakura says as we go back home. "Not letting his girlfriend spend money on her brother."

I frown and pout. "Mh, I don't know him, but there's no reason to assume the worst of him."

Bakura shrugs. "Just common sense."

Speaking of money, I have that one quesion lingering on my mind... It's super rude to ask such a thing. But I have to. "Bakura," I start and have to instantly clear my throat.

"Mh?" he makes, stopping in his tracks and patting his jeans and jacket. "What? Dammit, I forgot my cigarettes again."

"That's good," I say. We continue going. "Bakura, where do you have the extra money from?"

"Ugh. This, again?"

I chuckle in frustration. "Aw, come on, there's no way you could afford feeding me through and buying cigarettes and new clothes. So... Um, dunno, could it be that someone is paying you... to do... stuff." I stare straight ahead and gulp.

Bakura huffs loudly. "You mean, if I prostitute myself?" he asks loudly.

"Uh well..."

"Marik, if that's your question then name it as it is. You want to ask if I prostitute myself."

"Um, I'm not saying that it's a bad thing..."

"Yeah, sure you don't think that," he grumbles.

I glance at him. "I didn't mean to insult you."

"Yeah, whatever."

There's no talk on the rest of the way back home. Damn it, I shouldn't have asked. Stupid Marik, stupid question. He's not getting payed for sex, why did I think he would. He's not a whore. But I'm a jerk. And my stomach is feeling worse.

* * *

Bakura has mellowed down by the time we're back home. He tells me about some new game releases and how he'd love to play them but he can't, so he watches 'let's plays' instead. Hah, he's so cute when he's talking passionatly about things. Also, I have the feeling that he's apologizing by talking much, as if he wanted to say ' _sorry for being angrier earier, here, let me share something, see, everything's fine_ '.

From the sound of the titles he's mentioning - Stellaris, Doom, Fallout - it sounds like he's into shooter games. Mhh, I prefer RPGs.

We seperate into our own worlds for a while. Bakura surfs on his laptop and I chat with Ishizu on my tablet. She asks me where we should meet on Thursday. The front gate or the side gate. And which time exactly?

I didn't mention my mother's birthday to Bakura. Frankly, I don't want to even think about that. The day'll come, we'll visit her grave and it'll pass. That's all.

"Marik."

"Mm."

"Huh, you ok?"

I look up. Bakura's leaning back on his chair, blinking. "Why, am I making a weird face?" I try to chuckle convincingly. I still feel weird around my belly area, but I can easily ignore it.

He frowns. "Um... I might be away later."

I nod. "Okay." Cute how he feels the need to report me his whereabouts. But who's he visiting? "Can I sleep on your bed while you're away?"

"What? No!" he hisses.

I pout. "Kay."

"Why would you wanna do that?"

"Cause it's more _comfortable."_

"If it's about comfort you can use the bed upstairs, moron." He turns back to his computer.

"Mh, I like your bed more," I mumble.

And he turns back to me. "Hey, don't tell me you have already slept in it!"

I look down at my tablet. "Mm... Kinda." I don't like to admit it, but I have to.

"Marik!" he huffs, his eyes piercing through me. "Fuck you! After I told you not to do that and after we had that talk about you respecting my boundaries! Really great, Marik! Fuck you! You're not different from anybody else!" His furrowing his eyebrows, looking disappointed.

"No!" I lift my hand in defence. Shit, he's right, I've been a jerk again. "No, that was during spring break, _before_ our talk!"

He blinks and calms down a bit. "Still. Not. Alright," he says slowly.

I nod quickly. "Yes, I know! I'm not gonna do it again."

He turns away. "Mh. Fine."

Damn. He's not believing me. Argh, okay, I'm gonna improve. You'll see, I'm gonna respect your boundaries. No, I already do, that one was a mistake of the past.

At eight, he's dressing up - changing from his unremarkable sweater to a fresh, blue shirt - and tells me again that he might not be back until tomorrow. Yeah, just go, have fun with 'K', what do I care. I don't pay much attention to him.

* * *

After he's gone, I turn on the TV. My soap opera doesn't run until an hour, so I switch from one channel to the next, watching distorted images or soundless scenes. The images strain my head, so before long I turn it off again. Great. Headache _and_ a rumbling stomach.

Time to find a new book to read. Bakura has a large library on his floor. I dust off a few and read some titles, before settling to a murder mystery, making myself comfortable on his bed. I have to occupy my head, because if I don't, I remember the grave visit.

I only get to the first few pages, as I hear the fire escape rattling. Huh, is Bakura back?

He was in a bad mood before, but now he looks as if he had to walk hundred miles through a desert. He slams the window shut behind himself and huffs and growls. I watch him from the bed, holding onto the book. Will he get angry at me once more today?

"Make room," he sighs, before collapsing next to me. I'm sitting close to the wall and scoot a bit closer to it.

"What happened?" I ask.

"Mhhh... Nothing..." His voice is muffled since he presses his face against his pillow. "You don't really wanna hear about it, do you?"

Truth be told, I'd prefer not to. Did he met 'K'? And got into a fight with him? Again? I like the fight part, but I don't want to hear him talking about his beloved at all. So I shake my head and try to continue reading, but I can't concentrate on the words.

He lifts himself up. "I'm going upstairs," he mumbles and grabs the cigarette box, then leaves the room, not having made eye contact with me at all.

My poor Bakura! What did 'K' do? I should have hugged him.

I read the same sentence four times, before I decide that it's no use. I can't grasp the meaning of it anyways because I'm thinking of Bakura. So I put on shoes, grab the coat and follow him upstairs.

* * *

He's at his usual spot, leaning against the lamp, taking big drags of nicotine. He hears me approaching and sighs. "Hey."

"Hey." I take a moment to see in which direction the smoke is floating, then sit down next to him, away from the smoke.

"You wanna hear about it now?" he asks bitterly.

No, don't worry, I didn't come up here to satisfy my curiousity. "Just thought I give you some company." You said you liked my company.

He breathes out through his nose - which sounds like a sigh - then turns his head to me. "I'm sorry _again_ for yelling at you _again_ earlier."

I shrug. "It's fine."

"Mh." He turns his head away to continue smoking. "I shouldn't let it out on you."

"It's alright, I got used to your outbursts. If it helps you, I'm okay with it."

"You should have a bit more dignity."

I pout. "Okay, I'm gonna get super mad at you for yelling at me, is that better?"

He faces me. "Mmm... Alright, you won. As per your command, I'm gonna continue yelling at you whenever I please," he grins.

I grin back. "So..." I look down.

"So 'what happened' right? You do wanna know, don't you."

Why is he so focused on that? Yeah I am curious, but I also fear I'm just gonna get hurt by hearing of his sex adventures, them being positive or negative...

Oh.

He's furrowing his brows and pouting a bit; his bottom lip pushed a bit more forward than the upper. He's expecting me to say something, to critisize or fight- Could it be that he _wants_ to tell me about whatever just happened, but needs me to ask first?

Oh, you idiot.

I smirk at him. "Sure I wanna know."

He lifts his eyebrows for a split second and grins. "Tss, I knew it."

"Yeah, tell me!" I grab his arm and tug. "Tell me, Bakura! Who did you meet? 'K'? What did he say to you?"

"Fine!" He rolls his eyes and gives an exeggerated sigh. Yup, he's acting. "Since you wanna know so badly, I will." You moron. You cute stupid moron! I do not wanna hear about it, but I will for your sake.

Bakura flicks his cigarette away and breathes out his last intake of smoke. "I wasn't meeting 'K'," he explains. His tone is different now, much more serious and lower. "I met some new guy online and he seemed nice. But I guess most people seem nice at first."

I lean my head against his shoulder.

"He was dressed all fancy and had a fucking iPhone." Hm, isn't 'K' fancy and rich too? He had a blackberry. But I'm not gonna object, I'm here to listen. "I don't mind rich people as long as they are decent, but no rich person really is, besides 'K' but uh, whatever." Hey, I'm rich and decent too, you know? "So we met there at that coffee shop, and he saw me and... started laughing."

"Huh?"

"Yeah," he laughs low. "He made an excuse. Suddenly, he had to go somewhere else, uhu, sure!" Bakura huffs. "So that was the shortest 'date' - if you even wanna call it that - ever!"

"Eh?" I lift my head and look at his profile. "Wait, why did he laugh? He just laughed and left you standing there?"

Bakura turns his head to me. "Yes! Apparently I look too... dunno, poor, maybe?" He looks down at himself and shrugs. "I have no idea actually, what do _you_ think?"

I look down at him as well. The jacket with the pockets, dark denim jeans, clearly cheap ones though. And those five bucks sneakers from Primarkt. Mhh. I frown. "Well..."

Bakura sighs. "Alright, that's the answer right there."

I let out a chuckle. "Oh, you don't have the most expensive stuff, but-"

"Shut up, I know." He throws me an annoyed look. "Don't sugarcoat stuff for me, Marik."

You're right, that's not necessary. I nod. "I don't mind your cheapness," I smile.

He smiles back and raises his eyebrows. "Sure. Thanks."

I can't help but notice the slight sarcasm hidden behind his tone. "I really don't," I murmur.

He stands up. "Whatever. Let's not start _that_ discussion."

Which discussion?

* * *

Back downstairs, we spend a friendly evening together, without any more fights. I tell him a bit about my siblings and he listens. Aw, Bakura can be such a cutie. Why can't we be friendly and nice all the time? Okay, I won't do stuff without his permission any more, I swear! With that I am fulfilling my part. Now he just has to stop getting worked up about everything.

Somehow we begin to talk about alcohol. I never drank before that evening with him and Duke, while Bakura started with thirteen. I ask him why and he says he doesn't know. "When you see all the adults, including your father drinking it all the time..." He makes a pause, trying to grasp the memory. "Well, you do so many things to become an adult already, because being a child sucks. So you see them drinking and think 'hey, if I drink this, I'll be an adult too!'" He chuckles. "Not consciously though. And then you notice that it actually helps you forget about a few things. So you do it again. And again. Until it becomes a habit."

"Is that why you're also smoking?"

He nods. "Yeah. I'd do worser stuff if I got my hands on it."

I don't protest. We both know it's bad for his health but only now I understand that he's well aware of that. People don't smoke or drink because of peer pressure or because it's 'so cool'. Yeah I know he just said that, but that's not the real reason. They drink and smoke because they are miserable. Akefia is miserable, so he beats up Bakura and grabs a beer afterwards because he knows what an asshole he is. Bakura gets beaten up and starts drinking as well.

We're on his bed. He's leaning against the head board while I am on my stomach, holding my head between my hands.

"Would you like to stop drinking and smoking?" I ask.

He shrugs. "Kind of. All that coughing is scary sometimes. But then again, I don't care about my health, or my life for that matter." He's speaking lower and lower, so that I almost don't catch that last part. He gives me a fake grin and perks up. "I need a snack, what about you?" he asks, speaking louder again. He gets up and leaves the room.

"Hm, yeah," I reply. He doesn't care about his life? Oh come on, don't tell me that because of 'K', is it? "Life's gonna get better, Bakura!" I say loudly across the hall, while he's in the kitchen.

"Ugh, shut up." He's back soon, closing the door. "Here, I got cookies and chips." He throws me the chips bag and I catch it.

"Chips make you fat," I comment, but I open it anyways. I do work out, so it's fine. While I put on a bit more weight since I'm here, eating much more unhealthy food, it's not alarming yet.

"Alcohol should be banned though," Bakura says, munching on a cookie. "Hm, okay, not banned, but much harder to obtain."

"Yeah? When you only drink a bit it is fine, I thought. I drank that alcopop with you and Duke and it was fine."

Bakura gives me look. "Yes, and if you only smoke a bit weed, it's fine as well and it's still banned."

"Weed?" I blink. "Have you smoked that before?"

He shakes his head. "I could if I wanted to though."

"But it's banned for a reason, isn't it? It's a gateway drug."

Bakura rolls his eyes. "Pff, sure. If someone wants to go for hardcore drugs, he'll go for hardcore drugs and won't bother to stop by at weed."

"Why is it banned then, and alcohol isn't?"

"Because... history." Very convincing. "I'm not sure. Fact is, there are a lot more people dying because of alcohol abuse than of weed."

Huh. That sounds true. I have never heard of anyone dying of marihuanna, but peope dying because of liver failure is kind of common. "Hm," I make. "I guess you're right!" I look up at him.

Bakura frowns and grins at the same time. "You're convinced?"

I nod. "I am convinced that alcohol seems much more dangerous than weed. But I think that both should be banned nontheless. Or better: Be heavy regulated."

He chuckles. "Heh, how easy to convince you."

"I never thought about it much before. And your arguments sound valid."

He chuckles some more, showing me a sweet grin. "Cool." He grabs another cookie, still grinning to himself.

Aw, did I make you happy? My heart's beating faster. He's so cute and smart. Why not be convinced?

"Most people don't change their opinions so easily," he says.

I shrug. "Yeah. I think that's stupid. A lot of people already have an opinion on everything, even when they have no idea of the subject. I had no idea on weed and you gave me some insight, so you got me on your side. Simple as that."

Changing his grin to a sincere smile, Bakura looks at me and it's almost as if he's seeing me for the first time; as if he's really appreciating me. He opens his mouth to say something - but he either can't think of anything to say or has something to say and won't do it - yet he quickly closes it again and looks down.

"I'm getting tired," I say.

He looks up. "Let's watch a movie."

* * *

Somebody already leaked the new Batman vs. Superman movie, so we get under the covers and watch that. It's a terrible recording with lots of people walking through and bad lighting and sound, but hey, we're poor, so we're pirates. Bakura munches almost the whole box of those cookies and leans against my arm. Hah, if only you'd be my boyfriend...! Actually, spending so much time together, talking and watching movies... that sounds like something boyfriends would do, right?

So I pretend that we're a couple for the time being and savor the warmth in my chest caused by his touch.

"The movie sucks," I comment after a while.

"Yup. No biggie. Snyder has no idea how to makes movies," Bakura replies.

Snider? Must be the director. "Good thing we didn't go into the cinema for that."

"Right." Bakura looks up at me, putting the last piece of his cookie into his mouth. "Which movie do we wanna see anyways? We can go next Thursday, yeah?"

Him having looking expectantly at me like that makes it really hard _not_ to think of him as my boyfriend! "Um, y-yeah," I say, feeling heat rising up to my cheeks. Something loud happens on the screen and I pull my eyes away from him. Gosh, how much I'd love to hug and kiss him now!

"Cool," he mumbles and puts his head back up against my arm; his hair tickling my skin.

I hold my breath for a moment, but release it soon again. You're _not_ my boyfriend, you're _not_ my boyfriend...

"Maybe you're right about that prostiture thing," Bakura mumbles.

"Huh?"

"I am not getting money in exchange but..."

I heave a painful sigh. "I never meant to imply it that way, Bakura."

"But it's true."

"If you're not getting money, what are you..."

"That guy we bought alcohol from, remember? That scrawny looking weirdo."

"Yeah."

"Well I don't sleep with him." Thank god! "But I give him a handjob once in a while."

My breath gets stuck in my throat, which isn't possible, but that's how it feels. "A handjob?" I say, my voice's pitch being suddenly all over the place.

Bakura nods against my arm. "Which makes me whore, eh?"

Oh, I really shouldn't have asked that stupid question...! "Noo..." I wail, but that's the wrong answer. No sugarcoating. "Mhh, you-"

"Whatever, I don't care," he sighs. "I don't mind doing that."

I don't know what to say. Afterwards, I'll surely have a on of questions in my mind! But now, all I can think of is the image of that ugly guy getting off while Bakura... Oh gawd, eww, no no no, I'm not imagining that! Think happy thoughts! Happy thoughs! "Uh," I sound. "Uh, but- But you don't sound particularly happy about it either."

"It's the same thing as with the drugs. I started it, now I can't stop."

You can't stop sleeping with random dudes? "What about 'K'?" I ask low.

"What about him?" Oh, he let's me talk about him.

"Would you stop sleeping with others for him?"

Bakura laughs at that. "Ehh, there was a point I would have stopped for him, yes," he chuckles. "But I'm over him now, I think," he mumbles.

"You are?" I tense up and look at him; or rather his hair.

"Mhh, yeah, kinda," he mutters, sounding unsure. That's unexpected. All this time I thought he was still lusting after him, while he actually tried to forget him.

What the hell happened during Spring Break?

"Just gimme a few new guys and I'll forget about him completly..." he adds.

I growl. "You don't need any new guys."

"Right, I got your stupid virgin ass, eh." He sounds tired.

"Yeah, you got me," I reply.

"Mm."

No comment to that? Hm, he's already breathing louder.

The movie is almost over, but it's not even midnight yet. When did Bakura got up today? When I went to meet my family, he was still asleep. Even with the assumption that he got up five minutes after I went outside, it's way too early for him to be tired. But what do I know, maybe that not-date with that rich guy took all his power.

"Hey." I nudge him with the arm he's leaning against and he moans silently. "You're gonna sleep already?"

"Yeah..." He moves away, putting his head on the pillow, away from my arm. "Is it over yet..." The laptop slides off his lap, so I grab it and put it on mine.

"The movie? Almost. Stupid. What's this monster anyways? I don't get it." I turn the volume down.

"Doomsday..."

"Huh, what?"

He doesn't reply but reaches out and grabs my arm, pulling it to his chest. "Mmm..." His eyes are closed firmly. "I'm sorry... if I'm too... harsh sometimes..." he whispers.

My hearts beats quicker. I move closer to Bakura, following his pull at my arm. Then I make myself comfortable close to him. His head touches my shoulder. It's almost as before, expect that his arm is wrapped around mine and that we shifted closer to the wall. "Thank you," I answer, but I'm not sure if he heard me. "I know you're not really angry at me."

"Hu..." comes from him. Aw so cute, he's falling asleep...!

Lying like that on my back with my arm squeezed between his isn't the most comfortable position. I prefer sleeping on my stomach. Can't you wait with falling asleep until I turn over? But what am I complaining about! I'm sleeping in the same bed with Bakura, who's snuggling against my arm! He's warm and so cute and misunderstood. But tells me more about himself now. He's opening up and even pulling me closer as he falls asleep. _And_ he's about to forget 'K'!

Maybe I do have a chance now.

* * *

I still cannot fall asleep on my back. Bakura too is lying on his side. Also, the laptop is still on me, I have to put it away. Carefully, I pull out my arm from his grip.

"Mhh," comes as reply.

I giggle. D'aww, don't worry, just a sec! I turn off the laptop and put it down, then pull the blankets closer and over Bakura's shoulder. We never turned up the heater tonight. Usually, Bakura does this a few hours before we're going to sleep- Oh yeah, that should be about now.

But I'm too lazy to climb out and turn it up, so I side closer to Bakura, who's peacefully breathing in his sleep. Now you can have my arm back, you know? I'm comfortable on my stomach. Here. I grab his open palm so that we're holding hands and close my eyes.


End file.
